I keep ending up here

20-something year old using vices to avoid the day again Mainly going to post musings, food plans, food diaries, and stat check-ins

[uhohmypoorbones]

July 20, 2026

SW: 120lbs // Height: 5"2

GW1: 109 // GW2: 101 // GW3: 98 // UGW: 93

Waist: 26in // Hips: 35in // Thighs: 21in

Food intake ~ 7000cal/week ~ -1lb/week

[uhohmypoorbones]

Food diary, July 20, 21, 22, 23

July 20: 629 cals, 34g protein, 15g fiber

Breakfast: Javvy drink

Lunch: Strawberries

Dinner: Loaded potatoes

Exercise: ///

July 21: 1367 cals, 68g protein, 29g fiber

Breakfast: Javvy, yogurt bowl

Lunch: Nectarine

Dinner: Loaded potatoes, chocolates

Exercise: Pilates

July 22: 583 cals, 46g protein, 8g fiber

Breakfast: Javvy

Lunch: Strawberries

Dinner: 3 wingstop boneless wings, 1/2 voodoo fries, honeydew

Exercise: HIIT

July 23: 1038 cals, 72g protein, 15g fiber

Breakfast: Javvy

Lunch: Yogurt bowl

Dinner: 3 wingstop boneless wings, 1/2 voodoo fries, nectarine

Exercise: HIIT

Current daily average

900 cals // 55g protein // 17g fiber

[uhohmypoorbones]

Food Plan, July 20-26, 2026

Alright, so i think my food game plan includes fruit yogurt bowls with oat bars, and loaded potatos. I like that ill be using up long forgotten oats and beans, and using up random spices in my cabinet. I also get to try the javvy clear protein that ive been seeing everywhere and have finally given into. I hate having a full pantry and fridge aha, feels so cluttered

Plan: ~7000cal/week // ~60-80g protein/day // ~25g fiber/day

Breakfast

475cals, 36g protein, 12.5g fiber

1c strawberries

3/4c whole fat greek yogurt

1 oat bar

1 Javvy drink

Oat bars = oats, cocoa powder, milk, greek yogurt, peanut butter, dark chocolate

Lunch

50cals, 1g protein, 2g fiber

Nectarines/honeydew

Liquid IV

Dinner

575 cals, 28.5g protein, 12g fiber

1 medium potato

1 tbsp EVOO

1/4c cheddar

Leftovers slop lol

Leftovers slop = ground chicken, navy beans, carrot, onion, celery, garlic, butter chicken seasoning mix, EVOO

Exercise

45min of HIIT and pilates ~ -200cals

[uhohmypoorbones]

It's so strange how much easier it is to restrict now than during college. I think it's cause my life is so much more stable than before so I dont feel the need to emotional eat as much, and also because it's much easier to control my environment.

And yet im back again because im sad i gave up on my theatre dreams. Seeing my friends and colleagues continue to perform, whether they struggle to land gigs or they keep landing new roles and programs, at least theyre doing the thing. Im sad im just a chorus girl, and not even that most of the time. I suck too much to sing with the big league, and im too good to get the fulfillment and challenges i crave with what i do get. I almost wish i never started performing

I hate how much bigger and softer i am now than before. Im the heaviest and biggest ive ever been. Not that im a large person at all, but i hate that im changing and that ill continue to change.

I stopped restricting and binging and purging because i wanting to pursue theatre and i needed my voice and energy. But without it in my life, whats the point? If i destroy my voice, at least i can leave it behind and act as though its impossible to ever return. Knowing that i could pick my theatre career back up and build a regional career if i just put in the time and work is painful, because everyday i choose to stay at my office job coming home and reading a book or spending time with my partner. Its comfortable, and worthwhile, but i know what i gave up. And it hurts.

Im the happiest ive ever been, and i still hate myself. Im still disappointed in what ive done.

The least i can do is lose some weight.

[uhohmypoorbones]

i guess the benefit of relapsing as an adult in an office job is the bathrooms are easy to do mini workouts in, wow