@queen-vivi: you can enjoy a good heckin drink but also a cup of milk in the damn morning w/o it being "problematic" thx contradiction [ noun ] a combination of statements, ideas, or features which are opposed to one another.
I’ve never even kissed you or seen you naked. How could I be so in love with you? Because before I met you that’s what I thought love was - make out sessions with heavy breaths in between. And now I know it can be stolen glances, discreet handholding or inside joke that never gets old. You taught me a lot, and I’d be forever grateful.
But is it bad that sometimes I regret not kissing you when I still had a chance?
he let out a self-satisfied chuckle as they rose above the water, but stopped for a moment to mockingly pout his lips. “oh no, not valentino!” he joined in with her laughter shortly after and could feel his stomach beginning to feel sore from it.
his eyes widened as he was forced beneath the water and he shook his head like a dog when he rose again. using both hands, he pushed big waves of water towards vivian, splashing as much water he could in her direction. it was like he was a kid again, and the high energy between them caused a certain euphoria that he hadn’t felt in a long time. it was the “bet,” he said, before splashing her once more. he chuckled at his own childish actions as he approached her and began to think. during all of this time that he spent with her, the nostalgia of their trip together was reoccurring. and perhaps it wasn’t only because of all the fun and adventures they had, but also because of the feelings they shared. he was confident enough to say that back then, there was something between them—that if one of them had just made a move, then they would’ve been together, maybe even until today. but now, he wasn’t entirely sure where they stood, where those feelings went. did they disappear? or were they buried? yearning to thrive?
there only seemed to be one way to find out. “tell me, what do you have for me?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. he walked closer, to where they were only stood a foot apart. a slight smile spread across his lips when he spoke, which he tended to do when he was nervous. “do you feel something for me? ‘cause honestly… i might be feeling something for you.”
the forwardness of the question and his actions had taken her aback. arnie and vivian had spent many years beating around the bush, letting silence be the answer to questions more often than not. it was the cowards way out and both of them knew that. she could not speak for him but she knew that he made her scared. she often liked to be in control and the idea of being together frightened her. there was a reason that she’d been single since birth and it was staring at her right in the face - the fear of letting go. and frankly, she felt as if she was currently standing at the edge of a cliff and she wasn’t quite sure if there’d be a soft landing. but she’d be a liar if she said she hadn’t picture arnie being her soft landing.
she’d been in this situation before, posed with the same question but with different people replacing arnie. at times it had been easy, she was never short of admirers in college but her answer had been plain and simple. a clean cut no. as of late the question had come from people closer to her, or sometimes she had even been asking the question. this time, however, it was different. this time it came from a boy who seemed to be on replay in her mind. whether it was late night cookie binges or early morning boat rides, whenever she felt as if she may be close to forgetting him, he weaselled his way back in. and she wasn’t sure if she was as upset about it as she thought she was. arnie was different, he was a stark contrast to anybody that had held her affections. but if anything? he was a constant. a constant looming question, a constant shoulder to cry on, a constant person who had prompted the question is this what it feels like? is this the feeling where i’m meant to know?
she was shocked that she hadn’t wavered from her position. although she would have thought that her instinct would be to get away, run, a part of her wanted to stay. a larger part of herself even silently pleaded come closer, why all of this space? but she didn’t say any of that, she didn’t sing the confirmations that were bouncing around in her head, pulling at her tongue, begging to be said. instead she swallowed and shook her head, “arnie do you really want the answer to that?” she responded, “i mean, do we really want the answer to that? don’t you-. don’t you already know the answer to that?” gulping, she took a step closer to him, the water almost pushing them together. part of her screamed yes, yes i do and it’s been a yes since i met you, but a calmer, more rational side of her had her biting her lip, her eyes scanning his face, “is this really the time for it, i-.” she could feel the fight, head verses heart and before she knew it one had taken the lead, “you know that i feel something for you, don’t you? just like i know you definitely feel something for me but-. is it worth us even saying it? does it even change anything? does it change the fact that both of us are too scared to make a proper move? does it change the fact that there’ll be a handful of sacrifices we have to make if we make the move?”
don’t look down, don’t look down, he told himself. his breathing became heavier the higher he went, but the pride of winning the bet allowed him to remain motivated. arnie used every bit of strength he had to focus, but vivian’s comments earned a scoff from the tired male. “if you wanted me… to be safe… you wouldn’t bet me…. to do this!” he shouted in between breaths. he could feel his arms shaking, but he was so close. however, the tree began to feel wobbly when he neared the top, and this caused his palms to feel sweaty. he must’ve been around twenty feet off the ground and was unsure if he had the strength to make it back down slowly and safely. so instead, when he finally looked down, he pushed himself off the tree and jumped.
it wasn’t one of his smartest decisions, but he was lucky to land straight into the water. the impact of the pool’s surface caused moderate discomfort as he cannonballed, and he felt his butt hit the floor. again, he was lucky to not injure himself majorly and reminded himself to never attempt something like this again.
when he rose from the water, he swam to the side of the pool nearest vivian and rested his arms on the edge. he looked up at her, the sunshine highlighting her features, and suddenly her earlier question came to mind. ‘has anything really changed?’ smiling to himself, he shook his head. “maybe not,” he responded vaguely.
once he came out of the pool, he stood beside her and wore a small smirk on his face. “well… i win, so… time to get you wet too.” and before she could react to his statement, arnie quickly lifted her body from the ground and ran into the pool with her in his arms.
watching the boy scale the tree caused even her own heart to race. clutching at her chest, she couldn’t help but relate the familiar thumping of her heart to days that had past. boom, the feeling of watching him hang off the railings of the boat. boom, boom, the familiar rhythm of running from security after embarrassing some higher class elite. boom, boom, boom, the feeling found in quiet moments, hidden away on empty decks exchanging small whispers. however, when she watched him push himself from the tree she let out a scream. almost sure of his imminent death she ran to the side of the pool, lowering herself down so that she was laying on her stomach, peering over the side of the pool, her nose hanging just above the water.
when he surfaced, she jumped back slightly in shock, slapping him lightly on his forehead, “you are so stupid, you know that?” she laughed and admittedly, she hadn’t felt herself laugh like that, properly, for awhile. when he posed a question back to her, she mused herself with a little smile as she repeated his last words, “maybe not.” but their story was littered with maybe’s. maybe they weren’t so different as they thought. maybe they would have worked, maybe they still could. maybe they should have kissed that one night. maybe she wanted to kiss him now. maybe these questions would never become answer, but maybe they might.
“win? psh!” she exclaimed, “the night has merely begin, we can’t start designating winners, you can win monopoly but not- this!!” her sentence was cut short when he threw both of them into the pool. with a squeal she secured her arms around his neck as their bodies hit the water. “arnie!” she shouted as she surfaced from the water, completely drenched, “this is valentino!” but the laughter the remained, the same laughter that hadn’t left her since the day that they met.
“oh you’re going to get it,” she warned before jumping up and pushing his shoulders down and submerging his head into the water, attempting to quickly swim away afterwards as to evade a possible counter-strike. treading water, she kept a safe distance between them, something that she mirrored in their day-to-day lives. vivian continued to splash water in his face if and when he approached before she put forward her next challenge, “alright, now me. what bet do you have for me, mr park?”
“sorry– i thought athena or nina would be around,” nathan apologized as he stepped into the bedroom only to find vivian busy with her routine. “i only need a little,” he mumbled as he inspected the tube. “and besides, i have sensitive teeth too so it actually works out great.” nathan gave her a small smile- the kind that’s usually reserved for interactions with strangers. is that what they had become now? no, strangers didn’t know each other like nathan and vivian did. but it was hard to dismiss the awkwardness between their every interaction. “when did your routine become so complex?” he gestured to the products that she was currently using and leaned his shoulder against the wall. nathan couldn’t pretend he knew what she was into nowadays.
“no, no need to apologise,” she insisted, “they’re usually the ones around, anyways. i just uh-. decided to take a night in for myself for once.” she followed her statement with a feigned laugh that was perhaps more of a sigh rather than an expression of joy. she always felt cautious around nathan, as if she was stepping on glass in high heels. one wrong step, and the fragile balance that years of awkwardness had built would come crashing down. was she happy with where they stood now? the simple answer was no, but perhaps this would be their end game. “uh-. i don’t know, i think when puberty properly hit and the acne and insecurities kicked in, my skin demanded that i do something about it. besides, it’s fun.” the quality of the conversation was poor to say the least and she found herself scrambling to come up with something better, “where have you been though? you seemed to disappear the past few weeks. never see you around. you been uh-. busy?”
he stared at her for a moment before looking up at the stars himself. the statement was quite profound, especially coming from vivian, and it made him think. “yeah… kinda feels like nothing’s really changed.” arnold turned to face her as she one-upped his bet and chuckled at her comments. “you know if you want me to take my clothes off, all you gotta do is ask,” he said half-jokingly as he stood up. looking up at the height of the trunk, he followed her suggestion and removed his shirt. once he made his way to the tree, he placed one hand on it and used the other to salute vivian before gripping it with both and using his feet to push himself upward.
“my brain is telling me this is a bad idea, but the way my heart is beating right now is making me feel like i can’t stop,” he stated, now at least five feet above the ground. “if i die, tell jude he can have the rest of my stash, but bury me with my pipe.”
if vivian was telling the honest truth, arnie had been taking up too much of her thoughts lately. despite her constant attempts to flush him out, it was made evermore impossible when champagne bubbles were popping throughout her entire body. and god she couldn’t help but laugh. whenever she was around him, she was always smiling. there was a constant tug on the corners of her lips that she could never ignore. “has anything really changed?” she added with multiple meanings lacing her words, “i mean, you’ll still get naked for me if i ask nicely enough, so.” laughing to herself she couldn’t help but squeal when he began to push himself up the tree.
“i will do all of the above!” vivian exclaimed, hand over her mouth as she clapped her hands together, “oh my god you’re so high! and not like drugs like in height like you’re in a tree! holy shit! oh my god! how are you going to get down? ah! be safe, oh my god!”
“yeah, i get that,” he smiled softly, “in fact, i have an ongoing deal with someone that i’m not supposed to get with anymore pythons, so i should probably keep my distance.” and just like that, they managed to slip into their old banter, this awkward ordeal nothing more than a small blip. “oh my god, is that what we are now ? friends who kiss when they’re blackout drunk ? i bet my mom would be so proud,” camden rolled his eyes theatrically, though it didn’t stop a small laugh from escaping him. “sounds like a deal,” he leaned forward then, offering her his hand to shake in some makeshift agreement, “just maybe next time we can avoid jail.”
“well then maybe we can help each other keep some promises, yeah?” vivian offered, outstretching her hand as if she was making some sort of truce, “here’s to keeping a safe distance?” with the interlocking of their hands, the words bounced around in her head. a safe distance. in some ways she knew the promise she was making was mute with the space between her and some pythons surely too small. but for now? she meant it. “we can be whatever the fuck we want to be depending on the day,” she laughed, “what’s more important is whether or not you were kidding when you said your mum asks about me. if you were telling the truth, i want to know what she’s saying. because i love that woman more that i love-. i don’t know, eye cream.”
— having taken a hot and much needed shower, nathan was looking forward to settling down for the night. no crazy neighbourhood feuds or wild nights in a bar for tonight. the only unforeseen casualty was that of his toothpaste. nathan treaded over to the nearest bedroom and knocked on the open door. “hey.. i can’t find any toothpaste in the bathroom and mine just ran out so could i steal yours?” he held up his toothbrush awkwardly, hoping his fellow housemate would spare him some pity.
the girl had been known to be high-maintenance and she definitely lived up to the name. vivian was in the middle of her extensive night-time routine when she experienced what she would define as a rude interruption, “ack!” she exclaimed, jumping and accidentally poking herself in the eye, “god-. come in, come in. could give a girl a warning while she’s putting in her eye cream!” however, when she matched the face to the voice, she couldn’t help but go into survival mode, an awkward laugh passing by her lips, “but yeah, it’s for sensitive teeth though so if you have hard teeth i’d use a ton of it. or just take the whole tube, either or works. yeah, just take the whole thing.” nathan and her had always had little to do with each other, aside from the random conversations when one or the other was feeling particularly melancholy. the boy who was her late night talks and early morning solace had somehow transitioned into her awkward pal.
“alright,” he began to nod slowly, too resigned to argue. there was a part of him that wanted to, a small voice in his head that was screaming at him to fight, to assure her that she had it all wrong. but maybe she didn’t. and if she was correct in her assumptions, the last thing camden wanted to do was make her feel used. “this year has been kind of weird, you know ? like, everything is turning upside down on itself, and i guess sometimes it’s easy to fall into old habits,” he began to ramble, his eyes glued to the ground, only moving on occasion to sip from his mug. then, because it was the only way he knew how to ease the tension, camden began to joke. “honestly though, if i was going to choose someone to fly away to a magical land with, it’d be you. i mean, you aren’t a bad kisser, after all,” he grinned then, a sort of peace offering between them.
“you’re not that bad of a kisser either,” vivian teased, puckering her lips into a kiss and making kissy noises. “all jokes aside though, i just-. don’t think proceeding here or pursuing what we have or could have is a good idea. not even because it’s you and not even because it’s me but i think-. after some revelations as of late. i think that i just-.” she paused for a moment, reflecting on the past year, the ups and downs and the twists and turns. at the centre of that was her love for her pythons and she would be damned before she let anything be prioritised over that, “i don’t know, i don’t really want to do, date-. sexually interact with anyone within the pythons. everyone is all linked up and problematic and i mean-. i’m sure nathan is going to be coming for my head if he knew about this and i just-. i really hope we can be friends. or at least, our version of friends. who have permission to kiss whenever we’re black out drunk and it’s not hurting anyone because-. it was nice.”
camden nodded slowly, his eyes focused on the contents of his mug. “yeah, i did,” he admitted, shame coating his tone. the softness he typically adopted when addressing vivian was absent, instead replaced with a sullen nonchalance as he finally met her gaze. “i’m really sorry, viv,” he told her at once, “i shouldn’t have told you all of that stuff, and i definitely shouldn’t have told you to leave. i probably shouldn’t have kissed you either, but hey, what can you do ?” camden’s shoulders lifted in a shrug, an awkward movement that felt out of place in such a moment. “anyways, i just wanted to apologize. i figured i left you waiting long enough.”
"thank you for your apology, but-. there isn’t anything you need to be sorry about,” vivian noted, her tone calm and measured, “apart from maybe avoiding me, i missed you the past few days.” her eyes flittered to the mug before wondering back up in hopes to meet his, “and don’t say that you shouldn’t have done all of those things. because you should have and i can’t blame you for doing that either. i was equally as much of a participant as you were, i asked for truth and i suppose that was your truth.” silence fell over the two for a moment before vivian took a deep breath and proceeded with words that she knew would be difficult to say, “i just don’t think you meant any of it in the way that you intended,” she began, speaking slower now, more cautiously, “i honestly think that your feelings, whatever they may be, are misplaced. i don’t think you like me, i don’t think you want me, i think you want the fairytale that you pictured in your head from when you were three. you want the girl who told you that we’d fly away to some mystical land and dance with fairies. i think i’m filling a placeholder, cam. i think you’ve created a story because you’re not happy with your own right now. i feel as if you’ve made me, pictured me, as something i’m not but what you want me to be. and i’m sorry that i’m not but-. i think your mind is with me, i’m the right option on face value, but your heart is with someone else.”
two mugs of cocoa in hand, camden meandered through the house, intent on finding vivian. it wasn’t that she was particularly hard to find — in fact, cam had been the one in hiding lately — but actually bringing himself to do so was troubling, leading him to drag his feet as he meandered towards the pool. he’d caught a glimpse of her out here earlier and was inspired to apologize, the cocoa in hand a makeshift peace offering as he made himself known. “hey,” he called, his voice echoing as he sat across from her. camden held the second mug between them, his way of offering it as he asked, “you wanna talk ?”
vivian had never been one to shy away from confrontation and this time, it was quite the same. when she had found herself one night in camden’s room, it was most definitely not the night that she had planned out for herself and when things went south, she found herself at a loss. she never particularly had nothing to say, but this time she had nothing but silence. when she heard a familiar voice, she jumped slightly, snapping out of her midday haze as she lounged by the pool. watching him sit across from her, she sat up herself and accepted the hot chocolate, taking a sip before she spoke, “talk? i think the question is whether you want to talk, cam. not me, you’ve been the one avoiding me. you were the one that told me to leave.”
he couldn’t define exactly what he felt, but it was soon brushed off, the passing feeling vanishing once their competitive sides arose. vivian was one of the few of his friends that enjoyed a challenge just as much as he did and was just as willing to win. “fitness god? okay, jillian michaels, bet…” he paused to scan their surroundings, searching for anything that could provide a possible challenge. they were surrounded by palm trees, sparking the idea for his dare. “that tree over there,” he said, pointing to the tree across the pool, “climb to the top.” looking back at vivian, he took the champagne bottle, took a long swig, then wore a smug grin to taunt her. it came naturally, instigating one another, pushing each other to their limits, as if they even had any.
"oh?” vivian laughed at his suggestion, “you’re ridiculous, me in a tree? weak. that’s me on a tame night out.” leaning back, before choosing to lay down and look up at the stars. “you know what’s so weird? how we looked at these same stars, way back when,” she reminisced. admittedly, she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed and although her science may have been off, the sentiment was there. it all felt too familiar. “i’ll raise you one, hm,” she countered, “that tree over there? climb to the top and jump off into the pool. tarzan style, maybe rip your top off for good measure as well. you know for-.” she stumbled, attempting to justify her drunken babble, “society, the greater good, jesus. even jesus wants some sweet pale arnie chest sometimes, maybe that’s his kink? we didn’t know him.”
camden stood beside vivian, glancing out the window to see the neighbor doing something oh so scandalous. he bit his lower lip, attempting to stifle a chuckle, but failed, his laughter ringing out as he watched the girl crack under his gaze. “what exactly will you blackmail him for ? you’re rich, you’re pretty, you’re living in the nicer house. you might as well just expose him.” camden shrugged then, joining her on the couch. his smile was mischievous as he bartered, “oh, if you’re willing to bargain, then by all means. give me the world, viv.”
“give you the world?” viv mused, remembering the times where they promised each other exactly that and nothing less. sure, they were promises made with the innocence only children possessed but they were promises nonetheless that had somehow managed to fade with time. instead, what stood in places of those promises, was a distance created by unchartered territory, littered with questions that had heard no answers. “well i mean you’re giving me all of these compliments, the least i could give you is the world. bargain harder, sir, or i may have to teach you the trickery that is haggling.” sinking into the couch and bringing her knees up to her legs, her gaze was almost challenging, keen to see what the boy could possibly want from a girl that could and would give him the world.
vivian has never been shy about the love that she holds for her friends. frankly, she may be too liberal with it. this is made most evident via her instagram where she deviates from her usual shit posting to brag and showcase her beautiful, beautiful friends. pls enjoy this sample.
✧ FEBRUARY 4TH 1996 @ 8:23AM, SOMEWHERE IN TOPEKA, KANSAS
when her parents were scoping out a location for their newest hotel, they were not expecting their little blessing to be born into the world. a month early, vivian always liked to make an entrance. [ note: yes i got lazy and i only did four ahaha but it worked bc i only agreed with four things ] [ another note: i only copy and pasted in the bits i agreed with lol ]
Sun in Aquarius
One of the standout characteristics of those born under the Sun Sign of Aquarius is their unwillingness to follow the beaten track. With advancement and progress on their minds, there can be an irreverence to old and outdated ways of thinking and doing things. Many Aquarians aim to free themselves of personal and social conditioning. Although open to change in theory, Aquarians can be surprisingly stubborn. Their idealism runs strong, but they can be very fixed in their opinions.
Often a bit aloof and even standoffish, Aquarians nonetheless are usually well-liked. They are curious and observant, and tolerant in a broad sense. Prejudice and bias is offensive to the typical Aquarius. Aquarians are generally very clever, witty, and intellectual. They value progress and frankness. It's difficult to throw Aquarians for a loop--they're generally on top of things. There is a bit of reformer in Aquarius. They'll try to get you to see through superficiality, and encourage you to be open and forthright. "Be true to yourself" and "Don't follow the crowd" are mottos we easily associate with this sign. Aquarians need space and value personal freedom. Any attempt to box them in will likely fail. They'll happily return the favor; and they will treat people from all walks of life as equals. Equality and fairness are hallmarks of the sign. If you're quirky and "different", all the better.
Moon in Leo
Depending on other positions in the chart, Moon in Leo people are not necessarily outgoing. When they feel comfortable, they do like being the center of attention. That is, they like being in the "spotlight" in the comfort of their own homes and with family and friends. They enjoy entertaining others, and often take on the role of comic. They have an inner mission to set things right, and generally like to oversee the goings-on in their little circle.
This is a rather creative position of the Moon. At the very least, Moon in Leo people want to create and entertain. They can be rather lazy at times, and a little bossy too. Generally, though, they have a deep need to treat others fairly and justly. Lunar Leos require lots and lots of love and care in order to function well in the world. When they feel slighted, these people can be dramatic in their emotional displays. When their pride has been hurt, they are given to big scenes and sulking.
Lunar Leos are often personally popular folk who are valued for their integrity and strong sense of justice. Generally, it is easy to reason with a Lunar Lion. Appealing to their well-developed sense of fairness usually works well.
Venus in Pisces
Theirs is an elusive charm -- they are sweetly playful, a little moody, and perhaps a little irregular. They appreciate romance and poetry, and they prefer to "feel out" both you and the relationship you share, so don't expect too much planning ahead. Their sensitivity can be a little misleading at times. Yes, they are sensitive folk, but lovers may find it maddening that this sensitivity is not only directed at them, but towards all of mankind. Venus in Pisces men and women want you to know that their love is unconditional.
They are unimpressed by your status, and love and accept you for all that you are inside. They love the underdog and are attracted to wayward folks, or those in need of a little help. With their romantic view of the world, they can be unreasonably attracted to states of suffering and martyrdom, so they easily get into the role of saving someone, or being saved. As much as they may want to, they find it hard to commit. Many do end up committing, however, at least on the surface.
Pleasing Venus in Pisces involves enjoying tender moments and romantic times with them. You won't always be able to count on them. Try to understand them, although that's never an easy task considering the fact that they don't always know themselves.
Jupiter in Capricorn
She attracts the most good fortune when she organizes and directs, conducts herself with integrity, is ethical, and mature. Values the long term, achievement, responsibility, and manifestation. Succeeds through resourcefulness and avoiding activities that waste time, energy, or resources. Good at streamlining
lying at the edge of the pool arnold had his eyes closed, listening to vivian speak as his feet dangled in the water. he chuckled at the statements that she considered “fucked up” and gave a slight shake of his head. as she mentioned the champagne, he sat up to take another swig, but became distracted by the view ahead. sitting there with vivian caused a familiar feeling to slowly creep its way back, though he convinced himself it was only the nostalgia. but then the word came. the word that the two loved to throw around with each other. “bet, i’ve been using the gym almost everyday since the new year started—on top of shooting hoops with athena—my body’s in pretty good shape. i’ll go michael phelps on your ass,” he said, booming with confidence.
vivian's life was always extremely clear cut. there were defined lines drawn in the sand for her by either her parents or her tutors, there were rules. there we do's and don't's, goods and bads, but with arnie? the line was always smudged. when arnie had oh-so-charmingly walked into her life, he brought a fresh breath of air that had sent the sand flying and for the entirety of their time together, she'd not known where the fantasy stopped and reality began. did she love him or did she love the memories? the question lingered for awhile but as time often does, it takes. and this time, it took the memories and the questions and faded them into close to nothing. but nostalgia was a dangerous feeling and maybe it had beaten time. “alright,” she began, unable to fathom the idea that someone was in anyway superior than her, “well let’s just skip over the fact that i’m literally a fitness god and find something more exciting if you’re so confident, huh. dare me to do something then, anything. i’ll do it.”
RHENZY: viv
RHENZY: u couldnt stop being problematic if someone PAID U
RHENZY: ok that’s fair
RHENZY: an hour then
RHENZY: u know im always down for a competition. whats the stakes
VIVIAN: first of all, how dare you
VIVIAN: second of all, you’re kind of right but let me believe
VIVIAN: ok well what who can get with the most people?
VIVIAN: we’ll keep a tally on our arms? surely.
romaincrisis
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