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@ujinoko
alright it’s a new era for me here. previously went by the same url, accidentally deleted the blog trying to delete a sideblog like a year ago now. going to be revamping everything + adding my rules back etc. but it’s basic rp guidelines everyone has. no being mean, no being nasty. wip. sideblogs to here: @ryuujinjakka & @kusajishii.
— If you’d like to interact with a crazy scientist’s artificial creation with weird bone abilities { not an innuendo, I swear }, then give us a like/reblog/follow !*
Independent Bleach! OC || 12th division 5th seat || Penned by Blue
Home || Rules || About
*Beware of medical and body horror cw/tws that apply to this blog !
[[i love you and eli's ship so much, its such a weird little unconventional match-up of characters but it works so WELL ;w; also love that Yon is just like... a nosy little brother who thinks its a little gross l ol (but ALSO now im definitely thinking about scenarios in which there may be a reason for Akon to pick Ryuuken over the 12th and how Yon would react to that. Yon's entire life is the 12th so it's like.. almost certain he would pick sides and definitely 'betray' his familial love for Akon in some way) idontknowijusthavealotoffeelings i remember reading you and Eli's thread where they punched the shit out of each other but ALSo got together s o like..... :))) ok this ask is hella incomprehensible im sorry loool ]]
bLUEEEEE AHHHH, blueeee ;-; this made me so emotional. you've been here for the whole ride!! QUITE LITERALLY and yon has been here too and so it really means so much to me coming from you to both be complimented and also to get the opportunity for you to be a part of so much. you and yon have helped develop things i otherwise wouldn't have been able to explore, and yon really is such a saving grace and probably the main reason akon was able to eventually ( not really get over but sorta ) be able to move on? or... you know, continue to survive after ryuuken is gone. also don't do this to me about akon picking ryuuken over the 12th ur gonna hurt me and i can't handle that please!!!! BUT UGH. absolutely thank you for this ask, it really means so much to me and thank u so much for always showing your support in it. it just gives such a warm feeling you know?
some important points of ryuukon @xyuuken.
they first got together by... happenchance. it wasn’t anything that either of them planned. there was a subtle attraction(?) but neither man seemed to notice it nor did they seem like either of them would make a move... at least, until:
that one(1) iconic thread ( tw: violence, blood, nsfw ): ( 1 ) ( 2 ) ( 3 ) ( 4 ) ( 5 ) ( 6 ) ( 7 ) ( 8 ) ( 9 ) ( 10 ) ( 11 ) ( 12 ) ( 13 ) ( 14 ) ( 15 ) ( list of injuries ) ( this thread cuts off here bc my blog got deleted lol )
they have been through so much together. like an unbelievable amount. due to a lot of complications with the seireitei not truly trusting the surviving quincy still even in the aftermath of the war, there was one point in which akon & ryuuken’s relationship had been... spied upon and investigated in secret and akon was even thrown into the maggots nest temporarily ( it was a nightmare, bringing up a lot of childhood trauma ) because it was uncertain if he was colluding w/ him etc.
it took a long while for either man to admit they loved one another but eventually circumstance led to it being... necessary? or they felt it necessary to express it finally.
as eli mentioned, they are very secretive about their relationship. some of it is out of necessity to be. some of it is because they are both very private people. there are only three people of which are privy to their relationship and all three of them more or less stumbled upon it on their own etc. @/ekusosu, @/soverina and the rin that eli and i both write back and forth sometimes in asks LOL. oh and @/tenheads shunsui but that’s because he sort of was necessary in helping akon out of the nest.
akon is pretty loyal to his division and mayuri overall and would choose them over anyone or anything else for the most part. that being said, as eli and i have developed ryuukon for going on two years, it has sort of shifted. if push came to shove and the question of ryuuken’s safety was in question bc of his division or captain, he would choose him over them. it’s never come to that thankfully but it’s pretty important to note / be aware of.
akon and ryuuken communicate through phone ( akon made him one special for ryuukens birthday one year ) when they don’t get to see one another. they FT, text, call, send vc messages etc. that being said........ CONSENSUALLY, akon also has some camera’s in ryuuken’s residence bc............... it’s too complicated to get into here. just know that that’s the case. a random little “fun fact” if you will.
akon has never been in love before and doesn’t fall in love after ryuuken either. there are simply some people who are it for a muse, and ryuuken is that for akon. there are some au’s and off-shoots that happen with a... ai!version of ryuuken that akon builds which is entirely an extremely unhealthy and absolutely insane time in his life lmfao and also reincarnated!ryuuken ( ryu ) but otherwise / this aside. ryuuken is who akon has only loved and perhaps is only capable of loving.
since both ryuuken and akon smoke: they could do that thing™ where one of them lights the other's cigarette with the butt of his own :3c
you mean like-
[…] but none wanted my demons besides you. @xyuuken
that shinigami x quincy love “despite it all” just hits different u know.
xyuuken.
he watched akon work. the lieutenant going between miscellaneous personnel. he’s calm and level-headed as usual – the qualities ryuuken had always liked in the scientist. but he gets to see a different side of akon when he’s interacting with his division members… confident, stern, authoritative. ryuuken watched from the corner, peaking over the top of the file he was supposedly reading.
it was an unusual occurrence, for ryuuken to be hanging about during the ‘ official business hours ’ where there were plenty shinigami about. but there was a moment for everything… which had allowed him this rare sight. ‘ … ’ akon seemed busy enough, and no one else appeared to pay attention to his particular gaze. he did not look away.
As always it is busy within the Twelfth Division, no matter the time of day or night. There was always someone working and always those who needed some level guidance or attention. Yet like a well oiled machine, thankfully it was more an observation that was required of him during the busiest hour. Today it appeared the machine needed maintenance, most likely due to the new roll out of equipment they were trying out. Akon moves between the members of his division as they require of him, pausing to explain what could have caused an anomaly here - showing another, newer member how to work something there.
It is not without notice however that he is being observed as he carries out his usual duties, the feel of eyes boring into him difficult to ignore. He had briefly assumed it to be one of the newbies he had helped but when the lingering feeling did not alleviate the opinion changed, and was proven correct when he’d spotted a certain doctor peering at him from over the top of a file within hand. Akon did not meet his eyes, not so soon at least, instead letting Ryuuken have what ever this moment meant to him.
Until his presence was no longer immediately required by his subordinates.
“You’ve been staring for the better part of an hour.” Akon muses when he approaches the other man, reaching out and taking the file from his hand that certainly he’d hardly read. The lieutenant skims through the pages himself, appearing to the outside and his peers as though he’s merely checking on this man as he has everyone else. He lowers the documentation in his hand, offering it back out to Ryuuken with a hint of something subtle in his tone. “Since this is one of my files and you seem to be distracted, do you need me to clarify anything?”
Not to self diagnose but something is wrong
anyway my boy looked good I love him.
😈
"Why do people keep referring to me as a 'clown'?" Not that it bothers him too much - he just is not sure of the connection. He assumes Akon, who is more in-tune with the World of the Living than he is, would know.
Akon’s in the middle of messily scribbling a report when his Captain enters his lab entirely unprompted and unannounced. Which wasn’t to say that was unusual. He was one of the few people who had access and there were times he needed him immediately - it is rather the question that he finds himself mildly surprised by. The silence that follows Mayuri’s words would certainly indicate his lack of processing what he’d just been asked. Why did... people refer to his Captain as a... clown?
It wasn’t that the lieutenant didn’t know the why but rather he wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to answer something like that. Not to his Captain’s face with any level of... seriousness. In his own honest opinion, though he understood why people said it, he’d never found it very accurate. Clowns were painted in particular ways. Red noses, rosy cheeks and the like. Mayuri’s own face-paint was a far cry from something meant to entice laughter... Not that he exactly knew the reasoning behind it but he knew enough to know that wasn’t the intended purpose.
“There’s little connection.” Akon finally responds, leaning back and twisting in his seat to properly face his Captain. His pen taps on the desk softly as he formulates his next words to explain it the best that he can without indicating that the comparison could be considered an insult. There was no need for Mayuri to be indignant by something like that. He ends up gesturing to his own face vaguely. “It’s just the paint, that’s all. You look nothing like an actual clown. People just aren’t used to it is all.”
me coming back to deliver high quality angst.
xyuuken.
‘ akon… ’ he watched akon struggle, swallowing and regurgitating and stumbling over his own words and thoughts. they had that in common too —- both truly learned men possessing vast knowledge and the authoritative voice in their field, nonetheless found themselves struggling to express themselves when it came to matters of their hearts.
he had become so much better, in these years. like a clamped shell that could not be pried open by force, willingly relaxed its muscles and revealing its soft tissues in fresh, clean water. because akon had made him feel safe, and understood —— a most paradoxical position to be in given who the man was centuries ago. and was now.
perhaps there was a time when he looked at akon with rose-tinted glass, or at least one that was colored by passion and heightened impulse. but he never stayed in that zone for long. innocent naivete and unrestrained romanticism were luxuries he could not afford. them being who they were. ryuuken knew exactly who akon was, and what the man was capable of. and he would not allow himself to love a version of akon that was any less than who he truly was.
it was partly out of love, and respect. and partly a soberness ryuuken carried himself with —- he had responsibilities, not just to himself but others who relied on him. he had a legacy. he had his duties. he had a son.
so when akon spoke those words –– those truthful words –– ryuuken thought of the man akon was, and then, he thought of uryuu. of what he had always told uryuu ( save the living. live in the moment. live in this world. and accept that people die —- ) and what example he wanted to set for the boy.
‘ … akon … ’ he let out a sound that could only be made by someone who was trying to breathe and to swallow at the same time. it was his turn to hold onto akon’s arm connected to that hand that clasped behind his neck. his brows quivered against the bridge of akon’s nose, as they remained pressed close. the taste of akon’s lips still lingered on his lips.
‘ you know what happens after a quincy dies. ’ he squeezed akon’s hand tight in his hand, gazing into those deep, dark eyes. he knew how much it would hurt akon to hear these words said aloud, and he never wanted to hurt akon. the least he could do was to look into his eyes. ‘ my family had one of the purest bloodlines among those who remained in the world of the living. the connection with yhwach is strong. most likely … as soon as the soul leaves the moral body, it’ll be absorbed by the emperor before it ever reaches soul society. ’
he spoke almost clinically, referring to his soul like an organ —— vital, sure. essential, even. but ultimately divorced from the core of his being, of what made of his life. ryuuken would rather think that. that what made him and what made his life true and felt cannot be absorbed nor taken from him.
‘ … you’re not going to fight that. ’ he held his gaze against akon’s. ‘ nothing good has ever come of people trying to fight for or against yhwach. even in his current state, there’s more that goes on than what we should try to control. i don’t want you to attempt something as reckless as interfering with it. –– promise me you won’t. ’
as for the other way … ryuuken felt a chill run down his spine. he said nothing. his jaw clenched softly as he swallowed.
He should have kept his mouth shut, a needle and thread taken to his lips to ensure that he could not speak again. That is the thought that settles at the forefront of his mind. That is what consumes him while gazing into Ryuuken’s face. As he bares witness to the sort of turmoil his words have caused. Perhaps he would do just that. Push the curved, surgical tool through the muscle and the flesh of his mouth - bind it tight with thick, black thread that could not be easily undone... If Ryuuken were to witness it, if he were privy to these sort of dark thoughts that the lieutenant oft had would he find himself surprised by that? Akon doubted as much. He had asked him to cut him open once and meant it. So not surprised at least but... disgusted? Revolted? Would he feel unease?
The man before him knew exactly what sort of man he was. What sort of things he was capable of and what sort of degeneracy he put himself through for decades before Ryuuken had even been conceived as a thought. There was no way to go back and erase that; and in some fashion the both of them knew that he probably wouldn’t even if given the opportunity to do so. Because there was something broken inside of him from the moment of his birth, a place of which Akon never spoke upon but expressed acknowledgement of. Yes, the man before him knew of all of that and still he accepted him as he was.
The hand upon his arm feels as if it grabs him with a sense of desperation, as though he is pleading first through touch before he begins to speak. Akon cannot find himself surprised by the words no matter how much they ache him to listen, the fingers along the back of his neck clutching tighter unintentionally. He doesn’t need to ground himself, it’s the sanity he feels is slipping. The carefully curated self that Ryuuken had helped sculpt with his affection, with his love and admiration - with everything that he gave him. Perhaps this moment hurts more for the fact that Akon had learned this information long before either of them had ever crossed paths. His knowledge of quincy was... horrifically intimate.
Akon keeps his mouth shut regardless as Ryuuken speaks, the metaphorical threads he had bound his lips with for the time being. He can only stare. He can only listen. This is the first conversation the two of them are having about this topic, the first time Akon had been able to bring himself to nearly say it. Ryuuken would one day die and leave him behind. He would be forced to know what it was like to have had him, and then be in that same world without him. The knowledge of that had always, in some ways, sat in his chest like an uninvited guest who did not know what manners were. Spilling anguish across the floor of him, leaving the garbage to pile up in his heart until it began to rot.
He supposes he shouldn’t be surprised at the request that suddenly leaves Ryuuken’s mouth. Once more reminding the both of them that he knew what sort of man Akon was. But it is not that, the shinigami wants to tell him. It is not the things of which he would do to keep Ryuuken bound to a world he did not willingly choose. He was not that cruel. At least he liked to think he was not that cruel when it regarded him. It was something else that consumed his mind. Of what if he could not survive the being left behind? What if he didn’t want to? What if it was a conscious choice of which he wanted to make? What then?
“I wouldn’t do that to you.” Akon finally replies, pulling back enough that his unoccupied hand comes to rest atop Ryuuken’s eyes. He cannot see them in this moment, he does not want to see his eyes. He wonders if he should continue his confession or if the cruelty of what he had already said was enough? Ryuuken was a smart man. He would be able to piece it all together soon enough, if he hadn’t already. They remain like this for some time, a few seconds or a minute Akon does not know. His hand over Ryuuken’s eyes, the other still held fast along the back of his neck. What does he say now? Where do they go from here?
“I promise.” Akon swallows, feels the blood rushing in his ears. The invisible threads are loose from the words he’s just spoke, they free his tongue to continue unprovoked. “I’ve never considered that you would... choose to stay.”
Would that hurt Ryuuken to hear? Yes. Most certainly. He keeps his hand still held loft of Ryuuken’s eyes so that he does not have to see what further damage he has caused. In his own chest was a wound, his own words a knife of which he cut himself open further. “It is the living after that I don’t want.”
i know i’m not very gentle with myself, but i will be so gentle with you.
The silence that follows his confession is more profound than any words that Ryuuken would plan to speak. It is a silence filled with guilty conscious. Perhaps he should have never said anything at all. It would have been easier to continue to swallow his tongue and say nothing. That was what he should have done, he thinks. The words had come tumbling out of his mouth however and there was no taking them back, so keeping them beneath his tongue or caught in his throat. Was it cruel, then? What he had just done. When his companions hand finds his cheek his eyes close voluntarily.
He does not want to see his expression any longer. Not the subtle pinch of surprise upon his face or the sadness in his eyes. Akon leans into the touch along his face and that is all he can find himself doing, his own hand reaching up to clasp at Ryuuken’s wrist to hold it there least he attempt to move it. His own heart beats wildly in his chest, erratic but somehow so very, very quiet - as if afraid to let the other man hear exactly what a mess he is. Akon had, over the years they’d been together, learned how to express himself in some ways but in most he still was a thing that Ryuuken had to decipher.
To hear the pained tinge in Ryuuken’s voice forces Akon to squeeze his eyes shut tighter. It’s as though he’s a child again, in some distant, cold and dark ( IN A NEST MADE FOR MAGGOTS LIKE HIM ) entirely too afraid to face the world around him. That wasn’t the first place he had learned the cruelty of the world, no. But it had solidified it. It had taught him that the world at large and what it offered to everyone else was not meant for someone like him. This, the love and relationship that Ryuuken gave him, that was a part of things he did not deserve too. He should have swallowed his tongue instead of hurt him.
He’s much kinder than he ever gives himself credit for, Akon thinks as Ryuuken takes his other hand within his, his thumb softly rubbing along the back of his knuckles. His exterior was solid, a defense against the world, but on the inside he was rather soft. That was a truth that Akon had come to learn too. It was one of the many differences between them, a thing that Akon did not know how to articulate but in moments such as this it was clear as day.
It is his own turn to take a sharp breath at the things Ryuuken begins to suggest, dark eyes opening to meet his spring-blue gaze. Akon shakes his head, cropped hair tussled with the motion of it. The hand at Ryuuken’s wrist lets go, carding through the soft hair laid against the back of his neck to hold him there. To keep him from looking away or averting his gaze. He shakes his head again, an almost pained noise escaping him.
“That’s not what I meant, Ryuuken.” He doesn’t feel hysterical, not in a literal sense at least but there is something that is stirred within him that brings that word to mind. How foolish was he to make the love of his life consider that there would ever be a day he did not want to be by his side? That wasn’t what he had meant, it would never be what he meant. Even if it tore the heart from his chest to witness him take his last breath... no, Akon wasn’t going to run away from this as he had not run away from anything else that the two of them had gone through. He bites at his own bottom lip, harsh enough for it to color red.
“There’s nothing for me but you.” Akon says, his tone soft. Would it be a selfish thing to do right now if he leaned down and claimed his lips? How many more times would he be allowed this? How many more years? He decides to do it anyway, kissing him slowly, fully impassioned by the aching in his chest. When they pull away he only allows as far as their foreheads must press. “I don’t mean to make you consider that I would ever leave you.”
“I meant more...” What had he meant exactly? Would he be able to put those sort of feelings into words? Could he admit that grievous crime of thought to Ryuuken? That would hurt more wouldn’t it? To tell him what he meant, how he meant it - that he saw nothing beyond Ryuuken’s death because... because he didn’t want to be anymore. Akon gnaws at the inside of his cheek, the tip of his nose briefly bumping against Ryuuken’s as he attempts to wrap everything into a nicer, more tolerable package for delivery. He finds he cannot admit it in the end. “... you must know what I really meant by that, Ryuuken... You know me.”
@xyuuken continued from.
Akon in the Nest of Maggots.
