I’ve been struggling to write this for awhile now, but I can’t put it off any longer. No part of me wants to ask for help, but I need to. I can’t pretend that I don’t need help for one more second.
I have lived away from my abusive mother for three years. It’s been difficult and consisted of not having stability, but I handled it. It was better in a way it never had been before. All of the fight I have given over these past few years is about to be erased. I am about to go completely backwards. I am at a loss for words.
In a little over one month, I have to move back in with my mother. I grew up in a very abusive home, my mom and her ex husband being the force behind that abuse. He was openly evil. She’s always disguised her cruelty, and I am not even sure that she realizes what she does. My mother is well versed in gaslighting and manipulation. She knows emotional abuse tactics like the back of her hand. This has only grown over the years, and now that I am open and able to see what she has done to me in the past, I am terrified for my future.
Horribly long story short, she has always wanted to isolate me. She wants me to be alone and helpless, completely reliant on her. She wants me to have nothing and nobody else. She has never helped me to grow and has always shot me down. She has never been stable in where she lived, what she was doing, etc. I’ve moved upwards of twenty times. As a child, I attended ten different schools. She subjected me to abuse from her ex. She subjected me to never having clothes or necessities that you can’t just go without. Since 2014, I have done everything I can to prevent having to live with her. I’ll admit - I’ve even given my all to mend something to be able to have a better relationship with her. But I can’t handle it anymore. I am so, so scared.
Right now, I am looking at living in a situation where everything I have worked for, and all of who I am, is at risk. The progress I have made with my mental illness is at risk. I am at risk.
I live with intense chronic pain, and I have since I was ten. I can’t work a vanilla job, so sex work has been my only form of income since I began. Unfortunately, it isn’t enough. I am also living with severe anxiety, ocd, depression, and ptsd. I can’t afford to see a doctor, which is required for updated diagnoses to be able to apply for disability benefits. I can’t get food stamps or any other government help until I am on disability. I need help to afford to see a doctor and any specialists I am required to see.
I am currently unable to keep up with basic survival needs, like food and necessities. I need help to afford this.
I have no transportation - my mother is who I rely on for rides. I need help to afford to save for a vehicle.
I have no home - and as I just explained, where I am headed is not something I can handle. I need help to afford to save to move and have stability.
I am working with someone else’s phone. Mine broke a few months ago. I need help to afford a replacement phone for work purposes.
I need help. I am fighting so hard, I am giving all that I have, and I am finally asking for help.
Please don’t feel obligated to help. I understand that many people aren’t financially able to help and I appreciate that you care. If you can help, and you’d like to, here is how you can :
- REBLOG THIS.
-BUY MY CONTENT
- DONATE TO MY GOFUNDME
-DONATE TO ME VIA CIRCLE PAY
(Amazon gift cards can drastically help with affording most necessities for myself and my dog as well as saving for my replacement phone but Circle will be the most helpful.)
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