.. DESPAIR ⌖ SEARCHING.

Despair cannot defeat me. I will survive no matter what.

[ultdete]

Only those who have found the truth can choose their destiny.‎‎‎‎  ‎‎‎‎ ⌖ ‎‎‎‎  ‎‎‎‎ ─ ‎‎‎‎  ‎‎‎‎ Private, MV, & duplicate friendly portrayal of SHUICHI SAIHARA of DANGANRONPA. Laws & info below.

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒: low to medium activity.

Mobile directory. Permanent SC. Promo. Prompts.

* Heavily affiliated with @ultlie. * 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒: @ofhope @ahogedetective.

[ultdete]

HHHHHHH

[joonsbubu]

sketchy wetchy from last night

[ultdete]

What did Shuichi need to hear?

You are enough.

I see how hard you’re working. I see how your body aches under the weight of it, how you lose sleep and rub the red out of your eyes in the hopes that they can’t tell how desperately you’re clawing at “good enough.” I know how that dirt feels under your nails, that filth of never being what they want. you’re running yourself into nothing trying so hard to be good for them. but you are already good. you are already enough. you have nothing to prove. you are beautiful and what you bring to the world, what you have to show for the space you take up is perfect. it is enough. you are enough. you can rest. you don’t have to try so hard to be more than what you are. you are, and that’s enough. you’re already perfect.

[ultdete]

softblocking instead of unfollowing >>>>>

[ultdete]

i lov ur art!!! 💙💙💙

WAH!??! I'M SO SOSOSO SORRY I'M GETTING TO THIS SO LATE!!!!! anon..... ily... come here.

I'm always deleting art from here because I'm so self conscious but aahhh this means a lot!! sadly I have no new dr scribbles to share since I've been away. I've mostly been drawing trigun stuff since the brain rot is so real rn. orz

[ultdete]

what soft romance cliché are you?

the almost kiss. you're unsure about things, always hesitating. why is that? maybe there's something to lose for you, but maybe (just maybe) the risk is worth it. you're the moment when the main characters lean in, lips parted and almost touching. but it's not the actual kiss everyone loves, it's the anticipation. when they look into each other's eyes before their lids flutter close. and there's a lot of frustration when things are interrupted. trust me though, you're a lot more memorable than the actual kiss. you're nervous, but at the end of the day all you want is to be loved.

[ultlie]

          when one curtain opens, another one closes. weekend nights were the club's most lucrative hours of business, and today being Friday meant it had just begun. the boys who string in the most profit were expected to labor an intense amount of overtime on these weekends; most of them never mind due to the insane payout in tips. as the night itself was in it's ripest hour, there had already been a noticeable amount of traffic in their private quarters. these areas were reserved for the up close and personal dances, sectioned off by thick sheets of velvet. one benefit that was abused in rare cases was how private sessions had no time limit ( 30 minutes, 45 minutes, 1 hour.. you get exactly what you pay for. ) for some reason, the owner thought it was such a profound idea. the only known gripe that regular guests had was their stern rule of payment in advance; they had to pay before a private dance was performed. before it was enforced, scumbags with no cash would get their fill and then make a run for the door. had they staffed a bouncer, these rats wouldn't see the light of day - but it wasn't possible at the time. now with a little hard earned popularity, they were able to bounce back from their past mistakes and that is why it is the way it is now.

          set apart from the multitude of hyper strippers, a lone hare with clammy digits toyed at the awkward chafe of fishnet and leotard. his session had just ended minutes ago and now he was left to recollect with what little time was left before the bell tolls for another; he at least assumed there was more to come. there was no such thing as a heads up - the requested boy must be ready as soon as payment is processed. despite the reputation as a polished gentleman's club, there were plenty of "insider" things that felt unfair such as this one. a happy customer is what they strive for as a top priority, it doesn't matter if the stripper is having a good time or not.

          while he dare not stray too far from the rooms, it did feel like a drink was in order. at least one benefit was nonexistent tabs for workers: they can drink as much as they want as long as they remain conscious while on the clock. squashing the desire to root himself onto one of their bar stools and never get up again, he tricks himself into staying on his best behavior and instead leans against the counter.

          ❝ strawberry shortcake daiquiri, pwease! ❞ the boy chirps at their bartender, who – oh? not one, but two sets of eyes shoot him down as if his request was interrupting a very important conversation. oops.. well, whatever, he still has a job to do! while his drink was prepared like a painful chore, purple eyes wander back over to the man who was chatting up a storm with Hotot ( the bartender also bares an alias in reference to rabbits. ) swaddled in a lavish coat with a plush scarf tucked into the collar, he comes off young as far as appearances go. this one definitely wasn't a regular in these parts.. Satin knew just by mannerisms alone: his coat was still buttoned all the way to the top despite coming in here hours ago. it was possible that he'd just ducked in here for a quick refreshment, but that wouldn't make sense. even though he's used to attention at it's highest caliber, it was a relief that the stranger's gaze didn't linger - he isn't there for him right now, after all.

          tucking away his quiet observations for now, the delectable beverage of his choosing was scooped up within seconds of hitting the table. goodness, he really was thirsty.. he quickly plucks the fresh strawberry into his mouth, using a bit of whipped cream from the glass as the chaser. while occupying himself with this, everyone else continued with their activities in the background. notably, although he didn't see it for himself, the stranger previously sat nearby had vanished. not quite out of earshot was a jingling bell: a nifty little decoration used to detect anyone coming and going through the main entrance. as far as Satin could see, there wasn't a fresh soul in their lobby. ' oh, he must be outside! ' while cats weren't their gimmick, curiosity still got the best of him. setting his glass down on the provided coaster, he makes a beeline for the door.

          just a peek at first, slowly easing himself into the outside world. it was certainly much colder than what the club's exterior provided. dead set in the crevice of December, a bit of frost was normal. an average-sized crowd traverses the neon strip. once in a while he did swear a select few spare quick glances, though short lived with an ounce of embarrassment; who can bet their guardians hammered the rudeness of staring at some point during their upbringing. to his right, a familiar in his sights waived reassurance that his impulsive venture out here wasn't for naught after all. using the building as physical backing, the pads of his fingertips trail along it's masonry while lurking close to the person of interest. he was oblivious to this approach until .. —

          ❝ need a light, mister? ❞ he chimes in when the moment reads appropriate, which is precisely on cue with how visibly frustrated the other was thanks to the absence of a flame. the clip-on pouch around his waist was a job related necessity for moments like this. a small lighter was brought out, flicking the wheel with his thumb to ignite the cigarette. he couldn't resist a giggle slipping past in response to the other's recoil when the need to inhale came about.. ❝ not a seasoned smoker, are ya? ❞ Satin jests, tucking the lighter away and back into it's pouch.

[ultdete]

          His panic was interrupted, replaced with a trail of obscene, destressed coughs, and a handful of pathetic wheezes contouring. No wonder he hated these things. The cigarette had already been pursed between his lips, so of course smoke would immediately emit. He'd inhale in shock, confused at the ignited cigarette that was the core of his dilemma before. Golden eyes dart to the left, wide and alarmed. Holding back coughs and swallowing them as best as he could was now a new objective, one of the many.

          Meeting his gaze were a set of ( notably beautiful ) lilac eyes, a cheshire-like smile fixed beneath. The discomposure of the now flustered detective likely amused this young man a lot more, no doubt. Once his temporary coughing fit would disperse, Shuichi would then look over the cony disguised male before him.

          He was petite in frame, his posture perky and upright. Despite the weather conditions he was now harshly exposed to, he remained tranquil. Perhaps he was used to this weather. Or rather adorning such revealing clothes, and lack thereof, helped him develop quite the brisk - resistant exterior. His bedazzled, low cut corset left little to the imagination, but one could not deny its bewitching appeal. His hair was done in a sophisticatedly messy updo, plum dyed wisps cowlicked in visually perfect placements. As if the outfit wasn't a total giveaway, the bunny - eared wreath he adorned was most certainly the takeaway. This young man definitely worked here. For all Shuichi knew, he was talking to this club's poster boy in the flesh.

          Shit, how long had he been staring!? Embarrassing himself just came so easily, and he hated that. An image most definitely opposed to the professional and collected visage a detective should be portraying. He's still in training after all, this would be considered apart of the learning process. Had he known this sort of setting would be apart of said learning process, he would've studied up prior. His guard was definitely down in a place like this, may it be subconsciously or not.

                    ❝ No no, my throat was just dry, that's all. ❞ He would lie, an attempt at a humble and friendly leer and a convincing hack to go along with it. Pursed lips divided to release the incensed tab, already a quarter of the way finished off. Securing it between two gloved digits, he held it loosely as he continued on. ❝ Thank you, I must've.. dropped my own inside somewhere. It was my favorite one, too.. ❞

          At the corner of his eye, red and blue lights began to gleam over the hilly roadside in the distance. The detective's shoulders would slack as he exhaled a sigh of relief through his nostrils, the tension from before beginning to decease as the arising sense of accomplishment. The text he hastily sent out not too long ago had gone through, this case was nearly wrapped up. However, it was still too early to ditch the scene. To pass time, as well keeping his incognito going strong, Shuichi's stance remained unmoving, his eyes remaining focused on the man before him. What he could not phase whatsoever was the man's lack of clothes in this harsh outside. This business's entire gimmick was parading around half - naked men for its patrons amusement, but enduring this sort of condition just did not sit will with him. Just goes to show how much he did not belong here.

                    ❝ Here, you must be freezing! ❞ Now loosing grip of the cigarette entirely, the bluenette hastily unravels his scarf around his neck, invading the hare's personal space by wrapping it around his shoulders. ❝ So excited for that smoke break you forgot to grab a coat, huh? I definitely know how that goes. ❞ With that gleeful jest, he would then conjoin both ends of the scarf, tying them into a loose knot.

[melatolyn]

The moon and the stars

[ultdete]

STRAY CATBOY ON MY PORCH. HE KEEPS MEOWING AT ME.

[despaircrown]

SONIA NEVERMIND & SHUICHI SAIHARA } mystery solvers au

ft. @ultdete

send me  🍸 for a moodboard of our muses } accepting

[sagamemes]

crucial muse development questions.   send a number in my inbox to find out more about my character as a person  ( because often, the most important things about character development have nothing to do with their shoe size or netflix queue ).

what would completely break your character?

what was the best thing in your character’s life?

what was the worst thing in your character’s life?

what seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

does your character work so they can support their hobbies or use their hobbies as a way of filling up the time they aren’t working?

what is your character reluctant to tell people?

how does your character feel about sex?

how many friends does your character have?

how many friends does your character want?

what would your character make a scene in public about?

for what would your character give their life?

what are your character’s major flaws?

what does your character pretend or try to care about?

how does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

what is your character afraid of?

[ultdete]

monomono (from kaede)

SELF-ERASING CASSETTE TAPE. When you record sound on this, a chemical reaction occurs after playback and erases the playback mechanism.

          ❝ You know, this actually seems useful! If you ever need to yell and get something of your chest, you can just record yourself and watch it literally fade away! Of course you'd need a camcorder to actually do that... You think this machine's got one rattling inside it somewhere? ❞ Shuichi would smile, waving around his last mono-coin between his fingers.

Monomono machine! ✯ Not accepting.

[ultdete]

❛I'm pretty sure I didn’t meet you for nothing.❜ [from this meme: /post/668843437161873408/]!

          ❝ So it was fate that threw us into this unfair game of life and death, huh? Just so we could meet each other? ❞

          He'd half ass a smile as he mused, but he was being totally serious. Whether Kaito picked up on his sarcasm or not was his call. ( If he had to be honest, he didn't expect him to. He felt bad about it immediately. )

          This guy.. Kaito really was a mystery. Amongst the turmoil, with unjust accusations, heated arguments amongst classmates, and pointed fingers flying about, blaming anybody they landed on, Kaito still seemed.. calm. Did he even have a grasp on their situation, or did he simply not care? That kind of ignorance must be nice.

          The more he thought about it, the more impossible it became to wrap his head around the Ultimate's logic. Was it a defense mechanism? Or did he.. really not think about it at all? It's hard to see a silver lining in this place. So much anxiety, unease, it's hard to find comfort in the little things, it's hard to keep your guard up. But this feeling.. the ease, the relief he'd feel when Kaito said things like this. He said them so easily. Shuichi wanted to see what Kaito saw.

          ❝ Well.. call it whatever you want. ❞ The detective's derision from before had vanished amidst his pondering, now appearing much more lax. His posture would slack as he went on, imitating the ease he now felt. ❝ If it means.. I got to meet someone like you, maybe that means fate is more gracious than I thought. ❞

short sentences for ships ✯ Accepting (selectively)!

[cl0wnsludge]

I can’t believe Shuichi almost shared his birthday with Queen Elizabeth’s death… Oh well at least he shares a birthday with Walter White!!!!

[ultdete]

Shuichi dissection while I draft things though *lays him out on the lab table*

but I feel like a lot people forget just how cynical Shuichi can be. like he is capable of being mean, sarcastic, judgmental, and blunt. Like he yells, isolates, vents/lashes out, and lies. I love him being this soft and sweet guy who tries to be the peacemaker as much as he possibly can, but at the same time I feel like he know sometimes peace just is Not an option and you have to put someone in their place to get to that peace. Hence why he has, on many occasions, lied, yelled, and fought just to attempt to get peace.

I also looooove when he's cynical, but he's mostly empathetic than anything else, so it's rare to see that side of him. I feel it's super situational. or if you piss him off the right amount.

[ultdete]

I feel so embarrassed I wrote so much and promised replies and such, just to experience very bad burn out the past three days. Fjgjdjg I had a feeling it would happen again and I really hope it goes away very soon.