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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@ultimate-welder
Zombie Guinea Pigs
Friend: You made a Resident Evil oc when you were thirteen?
Me: Yeah
Friend: Oooh tell me about them!
Me: You know how in Resident Evil Three there are files about shooting and experimenting on guinea pigs?
Friend: aww ; ; I thought they'd be bystanders with experiments. "What do you think of these test results, Mr. Peanut?" "Weep wee weep!" "I thought so..."
Me: ... *shows files*
Friend: I THOUGHT YOU MEANT REAL GUINEA PIGS!
i hope donkey kong becomes known as the ultimate trans ally for eternity now
donkey kong said trans rights !
It Finally Happened
Almost 27 years alive... finally had a romantic dream about a fictional character. No sex, just romantic, adorable, sweet shit.
Kirumi Tojo from Danganronpa 3
I don’t know what it is. I legit never had my heart go legit doki-doki or however it’s supposed to go, but oh my God... she ain’t even real and I love her.
I blame Jathis. I blame her for all of this.
Everyone On May 4th: YEAH, STAR WARS DAY!!! WOO HOO!!! HEY, MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU!!!
Those Who Went To Kent State University: *long, uncomfortable sigh*
Dumb Ideas My Brain Just Threw Up
BPeople are talking about that pairing between Clyde from Logan Lucky and Stensland from Crash Pad, and I kinda just threw out ideas to Jathis and she insisted I post it onto Tumblr. Keep in mind, I haven’t seen Crash Pad, it does not seem like my kind of movie at all (I hate romantic comedies, I’m so sorry, it’s just an opinion) but when the creativity kicks in, I gotta write it down.
Stensland would freak the fuck out upon learning of Clyde being a former prisoner “I’m dating… a CRIMINAL,” he whisper/squeaks. Would probably ask Clyde if he killed a man, then realize that’s a really stupid thing to say.
Hates horror movies, would probably faint at the sight of too much blood, even if it was fake. Clyde covers his eyes if a scene like that pops up.
They do have the same interest in music. Stensland does that really goofy kind of awkward dancing. Imagine it like this; since the actor used to Irish dance (be still my heart), that would explain how he’s got rhythm and has an idea of dancing, but doesn’t know jack shit about what to do with his arms. Clyde watches him and smiles, even lets him take him by the hands and pull him onto the dance floor. He’s not a dancer, but he likes ‘dancing’ with Stensland.
He is such a huge romantic, he would legit deliver flowers to Clyde all the time. His house is full of flowers. His brother is both concerned and amused.
Clyde would watch that one show with him but will never say if he likes it or not. It’s never really known if he loves it or hates it. He just drinks a beer silently and watches, but it does make him happy with Stensland gushing over how much he loves the series. He listens to him babble more than the show itself. He even buys him the Blu-Ray set for his birthday.
Clyde has to constantly but calmly encourage him to stand up/speak up for himself. Stensland always caves in when it comes to pressure, even if it’s deciding on what restaurant to go to. Clyde just carefully helps him out, knowing that it may not be a big deal to him, it’s a HUGE issue for Stensland.
Both of them get panic attacks, and both have their ways with helping one another. Clyde goes silent and small, either goes stiff as a board or struggles to busy himself with anything he can reach. Stensland is the best when it comes to these moments. He buys Clyde a weighted blanket to drape over him, brews him decaf coffee or sleepy time tea, has his brother’s number on speed dial, bakes cookies, puts on his favorite movie, and is just the legit best person ever. When Stensland gets over stimulated or overwhelmed, he just breaks. He turns into a messy pile of tears and panic, pulls at his hair, loudly sobs, rocks back and forth, struggles to breathe, and is a legit embarrassing sight. Clyde isn’t the best at this, but just cradles him in his arms and sits in a quiet room with him, letting him cry and just softly talking to him.
They get a therapy pet. Clyde wants a dog. Stensland immediately thinks it’s going to be a huge dog and panics over how big the poops will be in the yard or how it’ll knock him over one day and eat him (”I’ve seen it on the news, it happens!” he’ll insist). Clyde comes home with a Carin Terrier and Stensland is smitten. They name her Dolly, simply so Stensland can sing ‘Hello Dolly’ every time he sees her. And thankfully, her poops aren’t huge.
If anyone wants to add onto this, be my guest. Again, haven’t seen Crash Pad so this is just me assuming stuff so… yeah.
But have fun~
Daww, come on! I haven’t written in over a year, this made me all happy and giddy, thank you!
Should I make more?
Dumb Ideas My Brain Just Threw Up
BPeople are talking about that pairing between Clyde from Logan Lucky and Stensland from Crash Pad, and I kinda just threw out ideas to Jathis and she insisted I post it onto Tumblr. Keep in mind, I haven’t seen Crash Pad, it does not seem like my kind of movie at all (I hate romantic comedies, I’m so sorry, it’s just an opinion) but when the creativity kicks in, I gotta write it down.
Stensland would freak the fuck out upon learning of Clyde being a former prisoner “I’m dating... a CRIMINAL,” he whisper/squeaks. Would probably ask Clyde if he killed a man, then realize that’s a really stupid thing to say.
Hates horror movies, would probably faint at the sight of too much blood, even if it was fake. Clyde covers his eyes if a scene like that pops up.
They do have the same interest in music. Stensland does that really goofy kind of awkward dancing. Imagine it like this; since the actor used to Irish dance (be still my heart), that would explain how he’s got rhythm and has an idea of dancing, but doesn’t know jack shit about what to do with his arms. Clyde watches him and smiles, even lets him take him by the hands and pull him onto the dance floor. He’s not a dancer, but he likes ‘dancing’ with Stensland.
He is such a huge romantic, he would legit deliver flowers to Clyde all the time. His house is full of flowers. His brother is both concerned and amused.
Clyde would watch that one show with him but will never say if he likes it or not. It’s never really known if he loves it or hates it. He just drinks a beer silently and watches, but it does make him happy with Stensland gushing over how much he loves the series. He listens to him babble more than the show itself. He even buys him the Blu-Ray set for his birthday.
Clyde has to constantly but calmly encourage him to stand up/speak up for himself. Stensland always caves in when it comes to pressure, even if it’s deciding on what restaurant to go to. Clyde just carefully helps him out, knowing that it may not be a big deal to him, it’s a HUGE issue for Stensland.
Both of them get panic attacks, and both have their ways with helping one another. Clyde goes silent and small, either goes stiff as a board or struggles to busy himself with anything he can reach. Stensland is the best when it comes to these moments. He buys Clyde a weighted blanket to drape over him, brews him decaf coffee or sleepy time tea, has his brother’s number on speed dial, bakes cookies, puts on his favorite movie, and is just the legit best person ever. When Stensland gets over stimulated or overwhelmed, he just breaks. He turns into a messy pile of tears and panic, pulls at his hair, loudly sobs, rocks back and forth, struggles to breathe, and is a legit embarrassing sight. Clyde isn’t the best at this, but just cradles him in his arms and sits in a quiet room with him, letting him cry and just softly talking to him.
They get a therapy pet. Clyde wants a dog. Stensland immediately thinks it’s going to be a huge dog and panics over how big the poops will be in the yard or how it’ll knock him over one day and eat him (”I’ve seen it on the news, it happens!” he’ll insist). Clyde comes home with a Carin Terrier and Stensland is smitten. They name her Dolly, simply so Stensland can sing ‘Hello Dolly’ every time he sees her. And thankfully, her poops aren’t huge.
If anyone wants to add onto this, be my guest. Again, haven’t seen Crash Pad so this is just me assuming stuff so... yeah.
But have fun~
Welp
I’m gonna make a Dogwelder costume.
With my welding knowledge and love for dogs, this costume will be perfect.
Look out world.
A new Dogwelder will be arriving soon!
Ultimate Welder’s Proclamation
So y’all remember my saying, “There’s no discrimination in welding... unless you’re a dumbass.”
So it can be interpreted in many ways. Trying to weld dogs to people’s faces; you’re a dumbass. Ignoring someone’s pleas for assistance when learning something new; you’re a dumbass. Telling someone they can’t weld because of their gender, sexuality, race, religion, etc; you’re a dumbass. You’re a proud Nazi; you’re a dumbass and get the fuck away from me.
So then I heard about these people called radical feminists.
And as a person born in the 90′s, I thought ‘radical’ meant like a cool feminist. “Whoa man, you just need to chill out and we can work together for equality. Let’s talk it all out over a beer or lemonade, both organically made. Who cares about genitals, man? What we should care about is catching some gnarly waves, dude!”
And as someone who is a feminist (as in, everyone is a human being, deserves equal treatment, and shouldn’t be discriminated), I thought that I could be a pretty rad feminist. I can hang out with the cool kids, right?
Then I learned who they really are.
What the fuck.
So, as the Ultimate Welder, I hereby declare that if you consider yourself as a radical feminist, TERF, or any other anagram in relation to that, you’re a dumbass. And you’re not welcomed into welding. Get the fuck out of my workshop.
I love Miitopia. It lets my favorite ships come true.
She’s just petting his head and he’s so happy.
Go get married, you silly kids.
Ultimate Welder Tip Of The Day
Ultimate Welder here reminding you to not weld metal with paint on it.
That shit stinks, it’s REALLY bad for you, and it just looks gross.
Burnt paint can look awesome, like if you want a Silent Hill-vibe, but for anything else... nah man. Just don’t weld on painted metal. Even with ventilation, you’re still going to be coughing that gross shit up. Plus, you don’t know how old that paint is. Lead in paint was a thing. Don’t inhale that shit.
Please try to clean the paint off by either brushing it off with a metal brush, or using certified chemicals to rub it off.
What kind of chemicals? I dunno dude, ask your local paint person. Or, if there’s a cool person with knowledge in paint, add onto this post.
Ultimate Welder popping up here due to recent events to say my favorite quote from one of my teachers.
“There’s no discrimination in welding... unless you’re a dumbass.”
When he said dumbass, he meant like someone who does things without thinking and without the fear of consequences. Because people do stupid things all the time and get away with it. Like, telling a group of people ON TWITTER that they’re not allowed to serve their country because of money, despite the fact their army is the most expensive in the world and the money they’re saving takes up less than 1% of the military budget, but WE GOTTA SAVE MONEY TO BUILD THAT WALL.
But in welding, if you screw up, you get screwed. But this can be prevented! Ask questions, ask for help, own up to your mistakes; just don’t jump into something without thinking because it harms EVERYONE.
As the Ultimate Welder, I proclaim that anyone is welcomed to the welding community. No matter your race, sexuality, gender, religion, politics, or whatever stupid people get nit picky over for no reason.
Just don’t be a dumbass.
"You get your dag gone rompa back here, missy!
My mother, the perfection of comedy
I Just Discovered Dogwelder
The DC “super hero” who welds dead dogs onto people’s faces.
I’ll let that sink in for a bit.
This is real. He’s from the series Hitman that takes place in Gotham City and he fights evil by “pouncing upon evildoers and welding a dog to their face.”
Okay.
As a welder and a dog person... I don’t know how to respond to this. Legit, I was getting ready to go on a run, came across this and I’m just sitting here dumbfounded.
A superhero who lives in an alley, sets traps to catch animals, specifically dogs, and welds said dogs to the faces of bad guys.
Sure, at least he’s wearing proper welding gear and you could argue that he’s equipped with a torch rather than welding equipment. I see a gas tank on his back, so I could suggest he use something like Stick or Flux-Core to not worry about wasting gas, but HE WELDS DEAD DOGS TO PEOPLE’S FACES. That’s... I can’t even say “that’s not how it works” because he’s from Gotham! Nothing there makes sense anymore!
Dogs aren’t weldable? Neither are faces? At least, that’s what I was taught. Are welding classes different in Gotham?
You know, I have always thought about a welding superhero or something since I usually see them as antagonists like in Bioshock or that shitty horror movie The Welder, but this... isn’t what I was expecting? I don’t really know what I was expecting to begin with but... dogs?
I think I need a moment to think about my life.
Ultimate Welder Tip Of The Day
Ultimate Welder here reminding you that mosquitoes can go fuck themselves.
It’s that time of year where those bitches come out and ruin your life. So remember to spray yourself down with mosquito spray because fuck those things. Or get those weird candles. Or if you’re a welder like me, torch them! Just be responsible. I am completely joking please don’t use fire unless there is a legit takeover of mutant mosquitoes but there isn’t yet so just don’t take my advice because I am a dumb, silly person.
Also, if you have gotten bitten but can’t afford bug spray or something, I discovered that if you apply tooth numbing gel (like Orajel) onto your bite, it really helps numb it down, thus preventing you from scratching it and becoming miserable. I am one of those who gets a bite and it instantly becomes the size of a cow, so the gel really helps me. It also feels so good because it’s kinda cool when you apply it on and it’s such a relief. Aw yiss.
Or stay inside and avoid those assholes, I don’t care.
Someone make a movie about killer mosquitoes, like they do for sharks. Because those shark movies are one of the reasons for the over hunting of sharks and that’s sad and fucks up the ecosystem. Let’s over hunt mosquitoes, who needs them? They carry diseases, sound annoying, multiply everywhere, and any animals that feed off of them ain’t doing their job well enough so they gotta get their heads in the game.
Looking For A Job
Me: Hi, I'd like a job! I have a Bachelor's degree, know how to weld, have done many productions in theaters, have excellent working skills, am young and full of energy to help!
Place: Sorry, you need five years experience in welding. Plus, we have robots doing it.
Factory: Aw, you should have contacted us months ago when you were busy studying to complete that degree. We had a job opening perfect for you.
Person: Oh, you wanted to be interviewed for THIS job? We had it filled out yesterday right after you called us for an interview. We didn't tell you this because you should have asked.
Guy: Have you tried driving around passing out resumes to every place? You have? Oh well, what about just calling those places and asking for a job? You've done that, too? Well, good luck.
Dude: Only a Bachelor's? What, you ran out of money to get a Masters? You did? Well, why are you broke? Go get a job.
Bro: Why not work at a small place, like Dunkin Donuts? Yeah they have shit pay and you spent years and money to study for a degree so you don't get a job like that, but it's still a job.
Store: Oh, you have allergies that can make you black out? Well, this place is full of that! Floating in the air and everything, and you HAVE to work with it because we're short staffed. But don't get sick, because we'll need an immediate doctor's note on that day or it's an unexcused call off.
Theater: Sorry, we have our own crew working for us that's part of a union that gets shit pay. How about an internship without any pay? Isn't that better, to be paid in experience?
Welder: Oh, you don't know how to weld THIS way? Wow, way to waste our time and gas while we test you. Yeah you said you didn't know how to weld with this material and this material is thinner than what we really use and we even said to try because we're interested, but you still were a waste of my time.
Everyone: WHY ISN'T ANYONE APPLYING FOR JOBS!? YOUNG PEOPLE ARE SO LAZY!!!
Me: ...
Ultimate Welder Tip Of The Day
Ultimate Welder here, somehow needing to remind people that Nazis are awful.
Why is this a thing? Why are people defending Nazis? Why are people mad at a game where you kill Nazis despite the game being created when my dad was my age so it’s nothing new? Yeah, people are pissed off at the recent Wolfenstein sequel announcement. Anyone wanna break it to them fake gamers that the main character is Polish AND Jewish?
“Oh, but what if there was a famous welder who was a Nazi?” someone might ask.
I don’t give a fuck. I don’t care if they’re the best welder that I should be inspired to be! If they’re a Nazi, I hate them. I don’t care if they invented a type of weld I’ll eventually grow fond of and perfect. Because they created that in order to kill millions of innocent people.
I can also do this amazing thing; separate the art from the artist. I can admire the welds, but tell the welder to go fuck themselves.
The hatred is also a personal thing. My family was greatly affected during the war, especially on the Polish side. A lot of them died in WWII, some were sent to camps, and few survived. Several of them served this country and watched their friends get killed right in front of them because of those assholes, and were scarred for life.
If you PLAY a Nazi, like in a stage production (I was in my local theater’s production of The Producers and played a stellar pigeon if I do say so myself), a video game, movie, or created a character that’s a Nazi, then you’re not a Nazi. It’s playing pretend.
If you’re fascinated by the history of WWII, that’s fine. Seriously read about it and all the awesome shit that came out of it, while also acknowledging the horrible things that also occurred and shouldn’t be forgotten.
Mel Brooks created several movies that make us laugh at those assholes. Laugh at them. Point and laugh at these pathetic babies. They have no feelings if they can hate an entire group of people simply because they’re different. How petty. They’re doing nothing but spreading hatred. Don’t let it happen.
If you legit support Nazism, go fuck yourself.
Ultimate Welder Tip Of The Day
Ultimate Welder here, letting you know that the longer you weld and learn other forms of fabrication, whether it be metal or wood, you slowly start to realize something...
You’re becoming Ron Swanson.
Sadly, I could never pull off that mustache.
Oh, not because I’m a female, no. I just don’t have the face for a mustache. Plus, I’m not a hairy type of person, despite being part Sicilian. Thick, powerful hair that’ll destroy razors. Where was I going with this?
Oh, another quick tip: if you are like me and rather be smooth than hairy, cheap hair conditioner works super well if you want to save money.
