no use crying over spilt milk.

icon by @priince/ isola radiale dependent / housed in apartment 345

[ultimatedefective]

sheracomplex​:

“Oooh.”

Adora calmly responded. Yikes, she thought.

“Well, uh…” Adora paused, trying to think of what to say. “What makes you think that? That she’s so much better than you, I mean.”

Adora probably shouldn’t have asked such a blunt question, but, it wasn’t like the two of them would have noticed how rude it was. They were both terrible conservationists, clearly.

“Made her smile? Oh, you mean like, tell her a joke?” Yeah, you don’t seem that funny. “You should try knock knock jokes. Those are hilarious.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. In fact I shouldn’t have even opened up my mouth. I don’t know why I keep doing that.” 

It took everything Shuichi had to not fall to his knees and stop apologizing in public. He had embarrassed himself enough already for one day. 

Besides, Shuichi knew what type of girl this was. There were stars in her eyes. She saw everyone as brighter than they really were. They were the kind of person who never left you alone once they caught sight of you. That was the kind of person he had the hardest time dealing with, because he just wished people would give up on him already. 

Shuichi gave an exhausted sigh. He was tired of himself. He didn’t want her to think he was tired of her, though. He was almost enjoying it. Talking to someone. It was better than hiding in his dark apartment room alone. 

“Somebody told me you looked like an owl.” 

Shuichi paused, waiting for her to get it.  ... ... ...

“You were supposed to say who, because that’s the sound owls make. I’m sorry that was terrible...” The second time he had apologized in five minutes, Shuichi touched his face like he could slowly feel himself melting away. “I’m just... not good at things other people are, like smiling, or being positive, or making friends. I don’t see why anyone would want to be around someone whose basicaly just a net negative to hang out with.”

[ultimatedefective]

chuketsu​:

Himiko suddenly stopped what she was doing, turning around quickly towards Shuichi– she enjoyed messing with him aplenty, but when it came to the subject of romance… well, those were serious! The most serious thing that anyone could talk about!

“Oh, come on!” She groaned, using her arms to form a ‘X’ motion, as if to veto all of the things he was saying. “You can’t do it like that!”

Himiko reached out, grasping Shuichi by the shoulders, as if she were about to shake him with all of her might.

“You’ve got to be honest– with yourself, and the person you like! Even if things don’t work out, then at least you won’t have any regrets!”

She was smiling, and for a moment it was almost like Himiko was being genuinely friendly; perhaps in her mind, she was, even when she continued to speak.

“And, besides, if it doesn’t work out, you can just kill her.”

For a moment Shuichi forgot how intensely uncomfortable he was in this situation, or rather any situation, all of his fears in regards to this girl, and that he was a coward, and when she started to laugh he even laughed with her. Every once in awhile he could do this, enjoy himself a little bit.

However then she said it. You can just kill her. He felt the blood drain out of his cheeks. Himiko's hands on him, felt cold and sopping wet, the disgusting, fetid, touch of a corpse. He pushed her off looking utterly revolted.

"S-sorry." He weakly apologized a moment after. It's just, her hands were so heavy on him, he felt like his chest was going to collapse. He would go into a cold shock, and start hyperventilating. He really was weak. He couldn't even handle a basic conversation without freaking out.

Shuichi looked up at her with dark lidded eyes. "She already died once, because of me.  That I could have saved her, but I didn't..." The sudden cold and wet and change of mood it was like rain on a sunny day. "She doesn't know... it was my fault... I don't deserve to be around her. She doesn’t... that’s why... I lie.” 

[ultimatedefective]

pianofreak​:

“I…” Kaede caught herself before she continued speaking, her entire face slowly beginning to burn a bright red. “Well, uh….”

Kaede swallowed, hard.

“I don’t… think you’re useless.”

Slowly, awkwardly, they entered the apartment. Kaede had no idea if her roommates were here or not, but hoped that only herself and Shuichi were inside. She let go of his hand, though not without their fingers lingering for a moment too long.

“That’s okay,” she began.

“Just knowing you here is such a relief…”

Kaede’s face still burned red, even when they said their ‘good-nights’ and even after she was inside her own room. How childish, how embarrassing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m completely useless. I haven’t even done anything for you yet.” 

Shuichi was painfully honest with his feelings. He made Kaede watch as he belittled himself again and again in front of her, even though it was honestly just cringeworthy. He still trailed behind her like a puppy afraid to raise his head. He waited until after she had closed the door, and rested his head against the other side.

“I mean, I can’t even touch you.” 

Kaede was no longer there, he was whispering it to himself. He would probably die from embarrassment if she overheard. Even if he had been lying to her all day, the truth had to come out eventually. 

Of course, he was confessing the truth in the most cowardly and pathetic way possible. 

“Even if you wanted it... I’d be too afraid, that you’d just disappear when it was over.” 

Shuichi didn’t finish that because it mortified him. He didn’t even want to sleep in seperate rooms for the night, because what if it was all a dream and she was gone in the morning. However, face red with fever, or perhaps some other kind of sickness, he trudged back to his room and crashed into his mattress like a stone thrown into the ocean, sinking, sinking, slowly sinking and wishing he’d just hit the bottom already. 

[ultimatedefective]

chuketsu​:

Himiko was already browsing through the clothing racks as soon as they entered. It was if she had just dragged Shuichi into the store for the simple act of doing so; once they were inside, she would ignore him again. How cruel.

Well, Himiko was just like that, after all.

Yet, when Shuichi did pose his so-called hypothetical question to her, Himiko’s head perked up.

“If she’s too self-centered, she wouldn’t notice you even if you dressed differently.” Her words were cold, but Himiko did not stop there. “So, if you want her to notice you, you’ve got to do something that she couldn’t ignore.”

“So, obviously, you should just tell her how you feel. The more direct you are, the harder it is to ignore or misunderstand!”

"I can't tell her how I really feel. Do you want me to die or something? Is that what you want?" That was a distinct possibility, and one he was afraid of, considering the mean blonde girl had drawn a knife on him before.

However, Shuichi was so riled up at the moment he forgot his fear. Instead of staring at his feet like a scared puppy, he looked her directly in the eyes.

"Telling her the truth. That's like the number one guaranteed way to make her hate me. I mean nobody would ever like me for me. Have you met me? Do you like me? See, I'm right and you know it."

Shuichi took a breath before his spiral into self-loathing turned him completely blue in the face. He looked like he was about to faint on the spot. He was really, really bad at talking about his feelings. They were always just so negative. "I have to keep lying to her..."

[ultimatedefective]

hmisphere​:

“hey, kid!” wazy shouts at the young male after finally finding him. he’s usually never that kind, and he could have just solved the issue by easily handing over the lost object to the lost-and-found; and despite beeing in spiral for several weeks now, he still gets lost.

but at the same time… thanks to a certain detective, that has ran into his life way before he arrived to spiral, he has learned on how to be kind and be a helper for the society. still, sometimes it seems like a joke just thinking about it.

approaching the boy from behind, he has decided to place something on his head– a cap, that the stranger allegedly forgot to retrieve after leaving the bench he had been sitting on.

“i guess this nice cap belongs to you.”

@ultimatedefective​

There were several things Shuichi was bad at, talking to new people was one of them. He wished there was some kind of manual for this. 

“You don’t have to lie, I know I look like a total dork in that hat.” 

Shuichi said, looking spitefully at the blue cap Wazy just offerd him. He knew it was a bad idea to go outside dressed like that, he should have just stayed inside like he wanted to, and oh now he was spiraling. 

Shuichi took a breath to calm himself, because a complete stranger probably did not want to be subjected to his neuroses. He liked to annoy his friends with that side of him instead. “My name’s Shuichi. Thanks. You look like a nice guy.”

Shuichi said, and then. “I’m not a kid. I think after you see someone die you stop being a kid.” He just had to open his mouth and make things gloomy, he just couldn’t help himself. 

[ultimatedefective]

sheracomplex​:

“Oh, uh… it’s okay. I kind of get what you mean.” She herself had trouble communicating with others, but not like this. “You can keep talking. I mean, I guess, we’re both still talking, soooo.”

This wasn’t a very productive conversation.

“Uhhh.” More awkward pauses.

“I have friends. Two of them are here.” Catra could be considered a friend, right? Right?

“I mean, I have more friends back home, but… two people I know are here right now. Do you have people you know here like that?”

“I have a friend, but she’s way too good for me.” 

Shuichi freely admitted, for the whole world to ear. 

He knew he was making things even more awkward, but he didn’t know how to stop. That was the tragedy of Shuichi Saihara’s social life. As he grew more nervous it was only going to get worse from here. 

“I’m kind of afraid she’ll realize. To be honest.” 

Shuichi wanted to pull his hat over his head and hide again but he had promised to stop doing that. 

“She’s done so much for me and... I owe her. I still haven’t made her smile..”

[ultimatedefective]

pianofreak​:

Kaede was barely paying attention, leaning on Shuichi and holding his hand, far too exhausted to focus on much more than walking in a straight line. She had been to her new apartment before, but had not gone out of her way to meet her roommates, much less her neighbors. So, Shuichi’s sudden realization was what snapped her to attention (instead of his fumbling of words earlier).

“Huh…?”

She looked at the apartment door, then Shuichi, and back again. Suddenly, she smiled.

“Oh, what a relief!” Realizing what she just said, Kaede blushed. “I-I mean… I’m glad we live near each other… incase we need each other…”

Just like Shuichi, she began to misspeak; could they blame it on exhaustion?

“Well, no I don’t. Is that alright? It’s scary, being in a new place without anyone you know… We’ve already lived through that, I don’t want to do it again.”

“What would you need me for? I’m pretty much useless.” 

What could she possibly need him for in the middle of the night. Shuichi’s entire face turned red as he realized. he wanted to run away right then, but leaving Kaede alone was the worst thing he could do. 

Well, it wasn’t the worst thing he could... No. Kaede and him had finally agreed to be friends he wasn’t going to ruin it. Besides, there was no way someone as bright as her... The truth was she didn’t even need him. 

“I’ll just... I know I’ll just sleep on your couch...” Shuichi volunteered. He was starting to shake horribly now. It was just a girl. He didn’t need to act like he was afraid of her. Then again Kaede could be pretty scary. “If you’re feeling lonely in the middle of the night. You can come get me. If you need a friend... I mean, if you need a friend.” 

[chuketsu]

ultimatedefective​:

“…” “…” “…”

Shuichi let the time pass as he waited for Himiko to stop laughing. This is probably what it felt like to die slowly by suffocation. If his face wasn’t already such a bright red, it would probably begin to turn blue.

Shuichi was starting to remember why he had developed a fear of other people in the first place with so many strangers staring at him. He finally gave up, and joined in her laughing.

“Haha, I guess you’re right, it’s pretty funny now that I think about it.” He laughed softly, and with a stray finger wiped at the corner of his eye. “Why would anyone want to date someone like me? Yeah that’s… too much…”

As soon as Shuichi started to laugh, Himiko stopped. It wasn’t funny anymore.

Boring.

“Anyway,” she suddenly said, “let’s go over here. I wanna go into that store.”

Himiko pointed at the first one she saw, not at all caring what it was. It was a store that actually looked like Shuichi’s taste, so Himiko decided it would probably shut him up. The lights flashing ‘Tot Hopic’ were so annoying, it fit him perfectly, she thought.

“Come on, come on, slowpoke!”

[ultimatedefective]

There was something about blonde girls getting bored that terrified Shuichi. It was probably memories of Tsumugi's bad Junko Enoshima impression.

He was dragged along unwillingly to the tempo of this off-beat girl into another miserable dance. It was too bad really, Shuichi had too left feet. He was going to trip all over himself again one way or another. Shuichi somehow, had the feeling this day was never going to end.

He entered the story filled with black clothing and couldn't help but feel he was being made fun of again. "Do you have something to say about the way I dress?" Shuichi said. Before a stray thought entered his mind. This was probably another bad idea, but how could he possibly make things worse now?

"Hey, umm... if there's a certain girl who I wanted to get to notice me, but she was too self-centered and stubborn, and also way too good for me to ever look my way, do you think if I changed the way I look I might have a chance?"

[ultimatedefective]

pianofreak​:

Her head was reeling from both the pain, her earlier crying, and the thoughts still swirling around in her troubled mind. Shuichi’s touch was the only thing keeping her upright, keeping her from flying off into the air by her neck again. Kaede’s grip on him tightened, afraid to let go.

“Yeah,” she mumbled softly.

“I mean, uhm, yes please… If you don’t mind. I… I don’t want to be alone, right now.”

I don’t want to be away from you.

She couldn’t say that, no, it would be too…

Kaede sighed, heavily, still clutching onto Shuichi’s hand.

“Ri-right… Can we go, then? I need to, uhm, sit down…”

“Heavy...”

The weight of another person’s hand in his own. This person he relied so much on was finally relying on him. Shuichi was so overwhelmed for a moment he mumbled it without thinking. 

“W-wait, I didn’t mean that like you’re fat or anything. IT’s fine even if you are heavy because most of your weight is in your chest-” 

Shuichi felt like dying all of a sudden, even though right then and there he had already made a promise to live for her sake from now on. He stayed silent for the rest of the walk home, too embarrassed to say anything. 

Shuichi looked up from his feet to see where they had walked. 

“Your room is right next to mine. Oh.”

He said with a tiny gasp. 

“Well, if you need me to come over in the middle of the night then I can. I mean, not like that. What I mean is...” 

Shuichi quickly tried to explain himself, and just as quickly kept making things worse. “You were crying just now. Do you... umm... do you not want to be alone tonight?” 

[ultimatedefective]

sheracomplex​:

“What.”

Adora found it harder and harder to ignore Shuichi’s comments. So, she laughed a little too awkwardly. He had to be joking… right?

She really hoped he was joking.

“Uh, yeah, I think it’s supposed to be raining today…”

While she was initially pleased with the change in conversation, the direction it took annoyed her in a way she hoped wouldn’t show.

“Psh, whatever! I’m totally strong. Strong enough to carry your stuff, carry you even, and, uh… y’know, other stuff too!”

“Besides, you don’t even need a lot of muscles to be strong. I know plenty of people without muscles who are really, really strong.”

“Did I overshare again?”

Shuichi already felt himself beginning to sweat. He always wondered why it was people like this who tripped him up. She was a bit like Kaito, straightforward, passionate, someone who immediately made himself helpful to others. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, it’s just every time I open my mouth I tend to bum people out. I should really stop talking now.” 

Shuichi looked for an oppurtunity to run away, however in that moment he calculated that even if he tried to run, Adora could probably run faster than him and would not let him escape. Which meant he was stuck with her on the whole walk home. 

“Just, nevermind about me. Who cares about me? I don’t matter. What about you? Uhhh, do you have other friends you can go bother right now?”

[chuketsu]

ultimatedefective​:

“She’s just a girl who is my friend that I sometimes think about kissing - wait no, I didn’t say that last part out loud.”

Shuichi wanted to run and hide. However the only place to hide, was a girl who was much shorter than him.

Shuichi felt his heart stop as Himiko looked at him. The blood drained out of his face, like she was some kind of vampire. He didn’t know what to say in his defense.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even like her. We’re not even friends.”

Shuichi said, just denying everything now. And of course just like always he said a little bit too much.

“I’ll prove to you I don’t like her. Umm, do you want to go out with me? Please be gentle with me.”

Himiko burst into another fit of laughter, except this one did not leaver her as easily as the earlier ones had. She laughed, and laughed, and laughed even harder. Shuichi’s words only made things worse. Himiko dropped what she was carrying, having to lean against a nearby wall to keep herself from falling over in laughter.

This whole thing was just so hilarious, she could hardly handle it. How could this boy even say such things with a straight face?

“Ahaha…! I can’t breathe, oh man…!”

“Go out with you? Do you hear yourself?! Ahahahahaaa!”

If people weren’t looking at Shuichi before, they probably were now with Himiko’s boisterous, obnoxious laughter.

[ultimatedefective]

"..." "..." "..."

Shuichi let the time pass as he waited for Himiko to stop laughing. This is probably what it felt like to die slowly by suffocation. If his face wasn't already such a bright red, it would probably begin to turn blue.

Shuichi was starting to remember why he had developed a fear of other people in the first place with so many strangers staring at him. He finally gave up, and joined in her laughing.

"Haha, I guess you're right, it's pretty funny now that I think about it." He laughed softly, and with a stray finger wiped at the corner of his eye. "Why would anyone want to date someone like me? Yeah that's... too much..."

[pianofreak]

ultimatedefective​:

She was the only one he never should have lied to. But he lied to her. He was going to keep lying to her. Every time he was around her the only thing that came out of his mouth were lies, so how could he possibly tell her what he was really feeling right now. 

“Because I like you…”

Shuichi had a guilty look on his face, like he was confessing to some crime. However, he heard a screaming in his head as he suddenly put the brakes on that confession. 

“L-like. As a friend. You’re like my first friend so…” 

Shuichi put his hands on both of her shoulders. He was unwilling to let go, no matter how many times she beat him off. He knew he was weaker than anyone else, but at times he was oddly persistent. He was just as stubborn as she was, even if it meant they had to butt heads.

Which he did. He only meant to bop her forehead slightly against his but he did it too hard and slammed his forehead into hers. He just wanted her to stop crying for a moment. And. To see her face up close. 

“All I wanted was for us to escape the school, and then we were out, to get to know you better. I don’t think who you were in the killing game was the real you, so, why can’t we get to know each other again as real friends this time?”

“O-oh…”

Kaede wasn’t sure which of all the things he had said today hurt worse. It was akin to being stabbed with multiple spears; though she wasn’t sure where such a comparison came from within her mind, it was the first one she came to.

Suddenly, she laughed. She was exhausted, but, she let out a quick and awkward nervous laughter that she couldn’t control. Kaede didn’t know where that came from either.

Kaede covered her face, not wanting to be looked at anymore.

“I’m– I’m sorry… I must sound ridiculous. Saying all of that stuff, laughing now…”

Then, his hands were on her shoulders. Before she could say anything else, Shuichi’s forehead slammed into her own. It hurt, it made her head spin, and a wave of exhaustion spread through her. After everything, she was suddenly so tired. Thankfully, Shuichi was close enough for her to lean upon. She didn’t understand everything he said, but, Kaede still did her best to listen.

“I, uhm… yeah… I’d like that…”

[ultimatedefective]

"Well, that's okay. I basically expected you to laugh at me, anyway."

He expected her to laugh. He was happy when she laughed. It was much better than seeing her cry. It only hurt a little bit.

There was no way Kaede could ever like a person like him. That was why, he was smart not to tell her his real feelings. What Kaede needed right now was a friend. His feelings were - they were just awkward, and wrong, all he ever did was screw things up and get in the way.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk about my feelings ever. I'm really bad at it. I just wish I could..."

Shuichi did not finish that sentence. All he did was reach out and grab her hand, squeezing onto it hard. Perhaps she would get what he meant to say just from that.

He wanted to keep his promise to not let go of her. Wait, if he said that out would she think he was some kind of stalker? Then he wasn't going to say it ever. Good idea.

"Can I walk you home? We live at the same place after all. I just...don't want you to be alone, again, like you were in the class trial. You were scaring me a few seconds ago. Cuz, we're friends. Yeah, that's it we're friends. That's why I'm always thinking about you - that's just what friends would do."

Now he was coming on a little too strong.

[sheracomplex]

ultimatedefective​:

“Well, I guess I understand. None of my friends are here right now either. They all kind of killed each other…wait nevermind, forget I said that.”

Shuichi really was the human embodiment of a bummer. He really needed to learn not to bring that up in normal conversation. It was strange being outside the killing game though, even if he had technically escaped that high school he just wound up trapped again. 

“I’m trying not to rely on others as much…” 

Shuichi said as he nervously trailed behind her. He looked like a shadow compared to her light, skulking behind her and looking generally dark and gloomy. 

“I had a friend, but I’m not sure she likes me anymore. I think I asked her for help too many times.”

She blinked.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay!”

Adora decided it was best to just totally ignore that comment. Ignorance could be bliss, even when voluntary.

“I get it,” Adora said, though doing so was much easier than proving such a statement given that she was carrying Shuichi’s things for him. She didn’t seem to notice the irony, however.

“Why’s that?” Even now, Adora couldn’t help but poke her nose into other people’s business. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, I mean, so maybe it’s not that bad? Or maybe you just did something else…”

Foot, meet mouth.

[ultimatedefective]

"Why - because she murdered another friend behind my back without telling me. I think that's a pretty good sign she doesn't like me."

Shuichi said, as if this conversation was not depressing enough already. The boy in the black mascara was just a natural at raining on other people's parades. If Adora was sunshine, then Shuichi was a cloud.

He hovered around her nervously, not sure if she was going to let him go. It occurred to him she might follow him all the way home and he dreaded that long and awkward conversation.

"Nevermind. I didn't just say that. Umm. How's the weather? Is it going to rain today, it looks like it?" Shuichi kept trying to make empty small talk but, he was bad at it. "It was wrong. It's wrong to rely on others too much. People aren't that strong you know... they're weak. I bet you're not even as strong as you look. Even though you have all those muscles."

[chuketsu]

ultimatedefective​:

Shuichi could not bear to see someone else upset. He was so bad at dealing with other people, that he did not seem to notice she was merely stringing along.

He just stood there next to her. Shaking in his designer black boots. He was overly sensitive to every single noise she made.

“I actually work out you know. I just don’t look like it.”

Shuichi muttered to himself. Now he was the one pouting.

“I wouldn’t make you carry this stuff anyway. I’m a nice guy - wait, no every guy who says they’re a nice guy turns out to be a creep. Forget I just said that!”

Shuichi was as usual overanalyzing every single thing he said. Then suddenly, he saw a girl with blonde hair off in the distance.

Shuichi suddenly jumped behind Toga. “Wait, hide me. Akamatsu-san can’t see me here with another girl, she’ll get the wrong idea.”

Himiko thought of herself to be quite opportunistic, and tried to never let something useful slip away from her when she could. Almost everything about Shuichi screamed as useful and malleable. So, just like a child, she’d play with her newest toy until it either broke or something more fun came along.

“Suuuure.”

She laughed, right in his face.

Himiko kept walking, until Shuichi suddenly clung to her. She frowned. Himiko did not like clingy people, as she preferred to be the one doing all the clinging and holding and touching and stabbing–

Wait.

“What?”

It only took Himiko a few glances to understand. A wicked grin soon spread across her face.

“Oooooh! Is that your girlfriend? She’s totally cute– is that the kind of thing you’re into? Yeah, that checks out.”

[ultimatedefective]

"She's just a girl who is my friend that I sometimes think about kissing - wait no, I didn't say that last part out loud."

Shuichi wanted to run and hide. However the only place to hide, was a girl who was much shorter than him.

Shuichi felt his heart stop as Himiko looked at him. The blood drained out of his face, like she was some kind of vampire. He didn't know what to say in his defense.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even like her. We're not even friends."

Shuichi said, just denying everything now. And of course just like always he said a little bit too much.

"I'll prove to you I don't like her. Umm, do you want to go out with me? Please be gentle with me."

[ultimatedefective]

sheracomplex​:

Adora was, thankfully, oblivious to the awkward nature of his questioning. That, or the awkwardness of their initial interaction was so terrible by comparison that his words were easy enough to ignore.

“I do!” She gives a short, forced laugh. “They’re just… not on this island. You know what I mean?”

“I’m so not lonely. Like at all.” She lied, like a liar.

“I help people all the time. It’s kind of my thing. What, do people not help you often? That’s a shame. I guess it’s a good thing you ran into me.”

Just as he was trying to speak in order to fill the silence, Adora began to do the same, easily dominating the conversation he had started.

“Well, I guess I understand. None of my friends are here right now either. They all kind of killed each other...wait nevermind, forget I said that.”

Shuichi really was the human embodiment of a bummer. He really needed to learn not to bring that up in normal conversation. It was strange being outside the killing game though, even if he had technically escaped that high school he just wound up trapped again. 

“I’m trying not to rely on others as much...” 

Shuichi said as he nervously trailed behind her. He looked like a shadow compared to her light, skulking behind her and looking generally dark and gloomy. 

“I had a friend, but I’m not sure she likes me anymore. I think I asked her for help too many times.”

[ultimatedefective]

chuketsu​:

Himiko’s smile finally returned. It was like she hadn’t even been upset at all. Clearly, she did not care about how obviously fake all of her pouting had been. A fight was fun, sure, but seeing Shuichi give up was even more amusing. 

So, with the groceries completely forgotten, her hair much cleaner than earlier, Himiko began dragging Shuichi around as she pleased. They were in the heart of a variety of shops, so Himiko was intent on taking advantage of both this fact and Shuichi himself.

She hummed as they went, pleased that she got her way (again).

“Then you can carry stuff for me. Your noodle arms have got to be good for something.”

Shuichi could not bear to see someone else upset. He was so bad at dealing with other people, that he did not seem to notice she was merely stringing along.

He just stood there next to her. Shaking in his designer black boots. He was overly sensitive to every single noise she made.

"I actually work out you know. I just don't look like it."

Shuichi muttered to himself. Now he was the one pouting.

"I wouldn't make you carry this stuff anyway. I'm a nice guy - wait, no every guy who says they're a nice guy turns out to be a creep. Forget I just said that!"

Shuichi was as usual overanalyzing every single thing he said. Then suddenly, he saw a girl with blonde hair off in the distance.

Shuichi suddenly jumped behind Toga. "Wait, hide me. Akamatsu-san can't see me here with another girl, she'll get the wrong idea."

[ultimatedefective]

pianofreak​:

Her crying, even her breathing, halted for a moment when he began to speak. Despite her fear, despite the despair she was feeling, the sound of Shuichi’s voice was what she still so desperately wanted to hear and to cling to. 

In fact, hearing that he lived, hearing that he even remembered their promise, it made her happy… at first. Then, she pondered, why wasn’t she allowed to live? Oh, right, because she was a murderer. Murderers weren’t allowed to live, and Shuichi wouldn’t ever have stooped as low as she did. Jealousy, rage, relief, they and more emotions all bubbled up inside her until she felt she might vomit.

Shuichi didn’t do anything wrong. It was all her fault, including this. Even now, he could still smile and try to reach out to her. He had lived, because he was stronger than she was, and thinking of these truths just hurt so badly.

“No…” She finally croaked out, her voice breaking immediately. “This was all… everything’s my fault.”

“I just, I just can’t understand what you’re thinking… you still want to be around me, you still like me, even though I don’t deserve it… What’s so special about a murderer like me? I hate myself for it, so–so why don’t you?”

She continued to cry as she spoke, unable to hold back her tears.

She was the only one he never should have lied to. But he lied to her. He was going to keep lying to her. Every time he was around her the only thing that came out of his mouth were lies, so how could he possibly tell her what he was really feeling right now. 

“Because I like you...”

Shuichi had a guilty look on his face, like he was confessing to some crime. However, he heard a screaming in his head as he suddenly put the brakes on that confession. 

“L-like. As a friend. You’re like my first friend so...” 

Shuichi put his hands on both of her shoulders. He was unwilling to let go, no matter how many times she beat him off. He knew he was weaker than anyone else, but at times he was oddly persistent. He was just as stubborn as she was, even if it meant they had to butt heads.

Which he did. He only meant to bop her forehead slightly against his but he did it too hard and slammed his forehead into hers. He just wanted her to stop crying for a moment. And. To see her face up close. 

“All I wanted was for us to escape the school, and then we were out, to get to know you better. I don’t think who you were in the killing game was the real you, so, why can’t we get to know each other again as real friends this time?”