Time and time again I question his feelings. I question his loyalty, his affection, and his love. In my time of doubt he would always find a way to ease me. He would kiss away the pain and hug me till my heart was put back together. But now I don't believe he can fix me. I don't believe he has anything in his toolbox to fix the leak in my heart. If I can not have his whole heart than why bother sharing? He has been so distant. Coming home in the early hours of the next day. He doesn't even have the decency to give me a different excuse. The whole, "practicing with the lads" cover is getting old. I can't keep lying to myself. I definitely can't keep lying to him. I can't live this life of doubt and wonder anymore. What is the point to a one sided relationship? So now I sit here on our couch waiting for him again. I don't even have to look at the clock to know the ridiculous time. My mind is in such a great battle that I don't even notice him walking through the door and even sitting next to me. I finally return to earth when I feel his warm lips press against my cheek. I can see his bright grin from the side. "Babe you know you didn't have to wait up for me. Come on let's go to bed." He gently grabbed my arm but I tugged it away before he can get me off the couch. His eyebrows knitted together while he looks at me confused. "I can't." I finally say. I am not sure how to say any of this. I am not even sure how to fix any of this. But maybe it can't be fixed. "What do you mean you can't? If you are too tired I can just carry you." His stupid grin returned and he bent his knees, getting ready to lift me off the couch. I raise my hands and halt his actions. I have been avoiding his eyes this whole time. If I look into them than I'll be a goner. I will forgive him once again. We will fall back into this cycle that I dont want to repeat. "I mean I can't do this anymore." The words fell out of my mouth before my mind could stop them. Do I really want this? I love him with everything I have but I can't be with him if he doesn't match my feelings. I can't be alone on this. I finally look into his eyes and see every emotion in the book swimming through him. "What?" His voice was so small. It broke a little at the end of the word, sending knives through my heart. "I can't be with you anymore." The words Taste like poison on my tongue but this is for the best. Right? "What do you mean? I don't get it. What did I do?" He was getting frantic now, spitting the words out in a jumbled mess so they can all be heard at once. " I can't keep," I am not sure how to word this. It doesn't even make sense in my head so it will not make sense when it is in the air. "Liam I can not keep providing the feeling for both sides." Like I said, makes no sense. "What is that suppose to mean?" "I am done being second on your options list. You have been so distant for months. When we first met we would talk for hours about nothing. Now I'm lucky to get even a hello in the morning. Now I am waiting for you till 3 in the morning every night for you to give me the same cover story? Liam, if you don't love me anymore all you have to do is say it. You don't have to sneak around behind my back and lie to me. Don't waist my time anymore." I was a lot calmer than I though I would be. There was no shouting. No tears. No anger. Everything was calm. Every word was heard and every syllable was annunciated. Now I sit in silence waiting for the worse. "So I'm waisting your time?" He sounds more offended than hurt. "Is that really all you got out of that? Liam you know I love you. I love you more than anything, but I am sick of being in a one sided relationship that I seem to be the only one fighting for. I'm done fighting." I look at my feet while sitting on the couch that I have not moved from since he left in the afternoon. "One sided? You think this is one sided? Laura you know how much I love you how could you ever think this relationship is one sided?" His voice is starting to rise. We were so calm. "You don't seem to show it." "Show what?" "How much you love me. Look at us. You, a world loved pop star who goes out in the afternoon every day for months to come back in the early hours of the next day only to do it again. Me, the girlfriend who waits up for him, doesn't show her face to the public, and doesn't read any magazine or news paper in fear that what her boyfriend did the night before might be plastered over the covers, and than she will have to face reality. The reality is that we are not the same anymore and you might have lied to me, you might have betrayed me in more ways than one. I am not ready for that. But I am also not ready to continue being in the dark. I'm done being that girl." I stand to my feet and look anywhere but his eyes. "I am going to pack a bag. I will come back for the rest of my stuff. But now you will have the place all to yourself so you don't have to sneak out to do what ever it is you are doing, just being it here." I begin the journey to the stairs before his strong hand grabs my elbow and turns me to look him in his eyes. I can see the build up of tears and red rims around is perfect brown eyes. "So this is it?" His words sound so broken. So defeated. I remember when they sounded nervous while asking me what my name was, when they were excited after I agreed to a date. I remember the sincerity in his voice when he asked me to be his girlfriend. But the most distinct sound was the love I heard when he said the first of many 'I love you's. Now this is his voice at the end of our story. Broken. "This is it." He released his hold on me and I walked up the stairs to pack. I walked around the room grabbing clothes and a few toiletries. I could hear his muffled voice downstairs. It sounded like he was on the phone. Who could he be talking to at this hour? It doesn't matter. It is none of my concern anymore. As I zipped my bag about 20 minutes later I heard the open and close of the front door and more muffled voices. Is he throwing a party? After we just broke up? Again, it is none of my concern. He can do what ever he wants in our- his apartment. I grabbed my bag and made my slow journey back down the stairs, ready for the worst. The only people I see are the boys and Liam all talking right in front of the door. They all stop talking when they spot me. I look down and slowly make my way to the door. When I bump into a hard chest I look up to find Zayn blocking the door with the others. "Please move." I have been trying so hard to hold in these tears but if I hear one more word about this then I will break. "Not till you hear him out." He nods his head to the broken boy. I look at him waiting impatiently for him to fight for me. For us. Half praying he will keep his mouth shut so I can leave. But he doesn't. " I wasn't lying when I said I was practicing with the lads." He defends himself. I scoff and role my eyes. "So you brought them here to back you up on your cover story?" "It's not a cover story. He is telling the truth." Harry interjects. " no offense but how am I suppose to believe that you guys practice every night till 4 in the morning? Do your girlfriends get this kind of treatment too?" A look of guilt flashed on their face. "They understand." Niall chips in. "And I don't? I understand when you have to rehearse. I understand when you have to leave for promos. I understand when you leave for an entire year to tour around the world! But I don't understand why he is lying to me and why you are helping him!" My voice is raising and my bag has dropped to the floor. I am pointing at Liam like he is not in the room and at them accusingly. "Look you have every right to be angry but please for the love of god just sit down and shut up and listen to your loving boyfriend!" Louis' aggravation showing through his words. I give one nod and sit down on the couch this my arms and legs crossed. I watched as Liam nodded at the boys and they all lined up in front of me, Liam in the middle, and Niall with a guitar. A sarcastic laugh falls from my lips. "You are really going to try to fix this with a song?" "Hey! I said shut up!" Louis half shouts. Liam then nudged him in the ribs with his elbow to dismiss him. He than looked at me with a hesitant look and a deep sigh. "I know you think this is a one sided relationship but you couldn't be more wrong. Yes, I have been distant. Yes, I have been out for hours on end. But that does not defeat the fact that I love you. I have been with these boys for months practicing this song over and over again. They are so sick of it now but it still holds so much meaning to me. I had to beg them almost every night to practice because I wanted it to be perfect for when I showed you. And for when I asked you a very important question. So don't leave until I do so okay? They will chop my head off if they think we did all of this for nothing." I looked between the boys and see they all hold matching faces. They all want me to hear this song. Lost for words I slowly nod my head. Niall then picked up the guitar and started strumming. Zayn steps forward and starts to sing. "Your hand fits in mind like it's made just for me. But bare this in mind it was meant to be. And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks and it all makes sense to me." I felt my eyebrows knit together as Liam steps forward. " I know you never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smileYou never loved your stomach or your thighs. The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine But I'll love them endlessly." I sat there, listening. I listened to them sing to me. Sing to me the words that Liam has always said and always meant. All these years he has tried to get me to hear him. Hear how much he loved me. I always doubted him. I always doubted his love. And he always sealed my doubt. Just like he is now. I sit back and listen to them sing the last notes together. "I'm in love with you, and all these little things." Niall put the guitar down and they all backed off out of my sight. Liam stood In front of me. The silence was too piercing. "Did you... Did you write that?" The words were so hushed. So weak. I could feel a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I continued to hold them back. "Yeah I did. I wrote it months ago. Right after I bought this." He dug into his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box. I literally felt my heart stop. The lump only grew and I felt my hands squeeze the fabric of the couch, like if I let go then I will wake up. The lump made it hard to breath, let alone talk. "Wha... What's that?" He held it in his hand. He looked like he was debating with himself, until he shook his head and dropped to his knee in front of me. "I don't know why you keep doubting my love Laura. I have loved you from the minute I laid my eyes on you, and you know that. My heart is yours. I am yours. For the rest of my forever I will be yours. I can't imagine loving anyone else and frankly, I don't want to. I want you. I want you and only you. I hope this is enough to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere. No matter how distant I am I will always come back to you. You are my home. You are my heart. So please..." He took a long breath and I let out one I didn't know I was holding. "Will you stop doubting me? Then will you marry me?" The wind was knocked out of me once again when he opened the black box. The ring was beautiful. It wasn't too big and extravagant. Just how I always pictured it. Simple but beautiful. I looked into his eyes and finally let the first tear fall. Time and time again I question his feelings. I question his loyalty, his affection, and his love. In my time of doubt he would always find a way to ease me. He would kiss away the pain and hug me till me heart was put back together. Now when the pain got to intense he fixed me again. And now I will never break again. I am his. He is mine. His love for me is as real as day just as mine is for him. This is real. This is love. I am truly, madly, crazy, deeply, and undoubtedly in love with Liam Payne. "Yes."
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