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Little reflection after a tiring day~~~

Wednesday November 14, 2018

10:46PM ~ Hmm.. haven’t been here for awhile, so I think I should have a little reflection of myself for the month of November before Thanksgiving orr Black Friday (if you know what i mean 😏) So Michell just posted a video, a vlog I mean. She has been back to Korea, to me, her life is pretty good. Maybe I should say that she’s my inspiration to live independent abroad, alone, stuff like that... I always wanted to be like her when I am more independent than now, maybe after graduation... (I want to live by myself --- a house or a flat or a apartment or a condo or whatever, just me myself. No one else, enjoying solo life, no interruption, freedom...) But today, she ended her vlog with coping with loneliness.. hmm I think I am someone who love being alone. By alone, I mean having friends, but I need a lot of me time. I don’t always feel lonely when I am alone because you know what, I always have ALOTTTTTT of stuffs running in my head every second --- non-stoppable. It’s rare that I feel lonely... maybe just bored of too much indoor and need human environment a little bit. But that does not mean I think my life is boring. Like, sound boring to others, but not to me because I just love love love it. In the comment section, I saw people commenting that even though they are surrounded by close friends, yet they feel lonely. I totally understand that. But currently, since I transferred to new university (for almost one semester now), I do not have friend. Like, yes friend, but not close friends like at MCC who meet every day and eat together. But for some reason, I do not feel sad. I have a lot of me time now at school... between classes, just go to the library quiet study area, between book shelves, and just be in my zone. With this mac watching youtube, or chatting or studying. And, even I don’t have really close friend to study with, I have classmate who sit next to me (3 out of 5 classes haha). But still, my life is much quiet --- i mean peaceful. I love it now. And... for some reason, I just be me. I don’t try to be friendly... if I am not in the mood to talk, I don’t. Maybe my image to others isn’t that good now, but who cares. So yup, that’s it for the reflection. I still struggle to find which way to journal... I have decided to do on OneNote, now it acts up 🤷🏻‍♀️ so im just typing here And ughhhh don’t remind me of today. It was horrible! Accounting exam was a thing! 1h20m I can’t barely get through the test which I spent 2 days of my weekends reviewing... And tomorrow I am going to have another Business Analytic exam...just excel, but who knows if it’s gonna though. Life update: waiting for the job from Starbucks after completing the documents online yesterday trying to find way to best invest my saving money lol since I learned the time value money from like 3 classes haha intermediate accounting I, financial management and management calculus. Ok,,, Im sleepy now. See ya later 11:04pm

Nov 8, 2018 12:01am

Different way to journal: - Journaling to self - Writing a letter (forgiving, angry...) - Scrapbooking ... journal with souvenir like movie ticket, train ticket, ... - Attach photo - Eulogy Drawing...

2 things, good or bad?!?!

This morning, I went to meet Food director for employment at Starbucks... probably I will get the job as barista... hopefully! But we talked about schedules and stuff... I was sooooooo happy to be willing to be part of Starbucks (as my dream/plan 2 years ago..). Another thing is: my academic advisor recommends me to change my concentration from accounting... After talking to her about my future plans, interest on running business, Master degree in Management instead of accounting, she said probably I am not 100% into accounting. Maybe I should discover a bit more about business concentrations. If I like something else, even though I like accounting too, it is not going to be worth the hard ward putting into accounting required classes and CPA exam if I am not going to be accountant in the long term... I kinda feel like I offended her because she has bachelor, master and PhD in accounting... hmm 10/25/2018 12:23am

Every time I look at this, it brought me to...

Created: June 15, 2016 at 12:42PM Why don't I want to return back to US?

• I don't want to live in US, don't want to have life standard just like other Cambodian-American people who are low-income, getting benefits from government, less tax payment, etc.

• Among Cambodian people I've met who have earned bachelor degree in US, only 1 (Ma's daughter) person who can earn money above average income because she's engineer. She earned around 10000$ per year. And how about the rest? They use government benefit for their tuition fee. After graduation, some work on campus, some are unemployed. Some work for restaurant, cafe, market basket, ...

• it is basically true that I am going to spend around $130K just to get one bachelor degree from US

• Will your job pay off after you spend $130?

• you can't get job there, Mey. The percentage that you will be able to get is too small. They will choose their citizens before you.

• You don't have close relatives there. Even they care, you can't depend on them.

• It is such a time waster, baby. You can't work except those 6 months intern. You might work only on campus and it will not be related to your field. You will not have work experience and learn the American working culture.

• You don't have to study at US to get job faster. Cambodia certificates will be recognize too.

• Traveling? you will not have chance to travel if you have partner. Plus, if you really wanna travel and visit US, just buy a $3000 pakage tour, and the result is the same.

• I don't have close friend. well... some of these are still true... 10/20/2018

My another old dairy...

Mar 7, 2017

Lowell, MA, USA

This morning I overheard my dad talking on phone with my mom. Mom said that he cannot do business because he is too faithful.

ប៉ា Please wait.

Please give me 5 years.

3 more years to graduate, and 2 more years to prepare myself after graduation.

I’ll make money, I let you both have a great life and in happiness.

You do not have to be a liar as most businessman do. You cannot be a bad or unethical person because you are a good dad to me.

Let me be the liar. I’ll use my knowledge that you have supported me all the way here to find strategy. Let me build a business, and let me earn a lot of money for you. Let me be the one who have a successful business to help our family by myself. Let me be the one who can provide jobs to our relatives. Let me build the fame for Lov family.

I know you do not want me to stand out in the society, but it is ok. I want you, mom and dad, to go into a social events, claiming that “That’s my daughter” like when I was successful in my high school, when I was selected to exchange programs (JENESYS and GenY) and when I passed the interview twice without agency.

I have passion, and I am now absorbing knowledge. I am going to build a business. Not just a business that benefits our family and relatives, but the whole Cambodia. A product that build reputation to Cambodia, to make the world know Cambodia not because of Khmer Rouge.

I am on my way now.

But please wait.

From your daughter whom you have invested a lot of money, time and effort in, ML Just found it today, 10/20/2018

My old dairy ((((((:

Friday, Jan 27, 2017

I had my road test today, and yehhhhhh finallyyyy I passed it!! 🎉 It was so nice to pass it on first day of Chinese Yew Year ❤️ and I felt like it's mend to succeed! You know what, before the road test at 2pm, I had driving review or lessor or whatever you call with my sponsor from SIM driving school. He said I did them all perfectly during the practicing, and why you failed, is it because you're too nervous? I told him "it was dark and raining that I couldn't see the curbs, so yeh, I was nervous."

Ok, so here's the road test came. Starting off RMV parking lot, turn left on the road, and parallel parking came! I had to park between TWO cars, not just on at the front. I was not prepared for that, and I thought I would fail again. But, I think it's fate, when I was backing up half way to parallel park, the examiner said "ok, you're gonna get in there. So, pull off and go on." Omgggggg, you know how that feel? ខ្មោចអោយ!!! Ok, go on and turn right to those area behind LCHC. Pull over and back up for 5 feet right at the cross point, ok. Now, 3 point turn or U turn its up to you, woahhh I did U turn.

Left there, go around and turn back to RMV. Woah nice, I passed!

Afterward, waiting 1h for payment and it was $120 (SIM road test 🙄 they didn't pay SAM(35), this road test (35$) and first license (50). Left rmv, go to library for printing, 1 minute snowing starts, its like the celebration for me ❄️

Even I didn't get to go to Neang's house for Chinese New Year celebration because of the sky getting dark, passing the road test is the highlight of today ❤️ Just found it today, 10/20/2018

Oh, I discovered another piece of me...

Hey there, By yesterday, October 12, 2018, I was in Bloomberg, financial lab working on financial self-study course. The topics were important, I know that, and the program made it interesting and easy to understand, too. But, that time was when I discovered myself. When I imagine the finance or economic jobs, I questioned myself would I like it? Looking at data, analyzing it, and make prediction? I like those tasks, but what I don’t like is the feeling of working on something is not mine, or not part of the organization I belong, too. I feel like even though I work really really hard for that, the result is just out there. I’m visual person, if I don’t physically see the result, that do not satisfy me. For example, projecting many economic data, or the growth of one company out there in the public, or analyzing the stock price of a company which I have no control off, I do not feel the sense of achievement. BUT!!! Here’s the ‘but’ part. If the work I do benefit or affect my property or the benefit of my organization, even for good or bad, I feel the sense of my outcome is out there. That’s when I look at Accounting vs Finance. Accounting, I would prepare the statements, make sure it complies with the rules, checking the numbers and stuffs like that. If it is right, those outcomes are mine or my organization’s. I feel the sense of possession. Otherwise, finance, even i try to predict the stock price or economic predict the those GDP CPI or those kinda data, my efforts cannot change ANYTHING. By anything, I mean nothing at all. Even my analysis is correct or not, those data still come out the way it’s supposed to be. So, in conclusion, I love micro economic (aka accounting or HR or business), rather than macro economic (finance, economic...). SO, what I chose align with my personality again! Cheers! Thanks to those personality tests haha Oct 13, 2018

My dear future

Well, I sometimes call myself stupid for forgetting why I choose accounting/auditing as my career path in the first place. So, yea, it was in grade 12 when I decided that I want to choose accounting/auditing as my career path after attending many career workshops, doing career/personality test, and meeting people from such career. But these two years in US, the more I am closer to my goal, the blurrier my vision is. But you know what, by today, I realize that I did not forget or my mind vary. It is just because I am in the right path, and I found myself too comfortable. This is crazy, you know. I think my life is like a puzzle. Everything just matches ever since I dedicated myself to choosing accounting major. Well, it can be said that that personality/career test really help me in the first place. So, how is the puzzle I am talking about? Before I decided choosing any major in high school, I did two tests. And both answers were exactly the same: accounting/audit. Then, I told myself that path will be for me, like made for me. So, I went on. When I got to US, the first time, I did another personality test, and you know what? The same answer! When I worked as HR assistant, I found myself loving designing, by designing the book. But, whenever it came to book keeping or working with qualitative data, I was in love - with numbers lol! Along the way, I was selected to enroll in Leadership in Action, where I had my mentor, Tom, who is CPA and business owner. He gave me guidance, showed me around his office, and let me talking to his employees. One thing I took away from him was that: everything I learned in Accounting class, I would not need to remember that. It would be there just for me to get the sense of accounting process, and everything will be done by computer. That time, it was a relief for me that I would not have to stress about those classes. Knowing that it was the right path, but my goal was shaky. When I took financial accounting class, I found myself not loving it. I did well, but I just did not really love it. But I found myself loving Managerial Accounting as it was about running business. Plus, I started working at TF and SJ, and the passion inspired from my parents for running business, I thought to myself that maybe working life isn’t a thing for me. Also, those times, I involved myself a lot with photo and video editing. B.P. told me that maybe I should start my career in graphic design instead of business field. I thought a lot about that, and it sounded logical. But you know what, I was also interested in computer science, writing programs and stuff like that. But, the challenge rumors I heard sort of bother me - the stress, gender equality and creativity (which I am poor at) to create new programs. Also, I have concerned about getting CPA. I read a book during the summer, and the author said, getting to be professional/license, you just get yourself stuck. Also, I was concerned about choosing between Finance and Accounting. Then, when I looked at how people coming to US to study management, international business, and other great skill, I started to think if I am wasting money and opportunity to come here and just study accounting? But yesterday, 9/17/2018, I found the pieces of my career path back again. It was in Intermediate Accounting I class when Prof Tate talked about careers in Accounting. She said that we would have 2 paths: going public or going to corporation/industry. In corporation/industry, there are varieties of job available for accounting student. And, with degree, we won’t start with lower level - clerk. We will start at mid level - accountant, then controller, and then CFO. But we may climb up a lot in the accountant level, but not gonna be controller and CFO easily, unless we change the company. But in public field, everything is stacked by the years of working - staff, senior, director, and partner - we cannot skip any level, but we are guaranteed to go up by the years since it is structured. We can do audit, tax and consultant. The audit part, we get to travel to different companies (clients) and work there. The pro of this is that we get to talk to many positions - from clerk up to CFO of that company. And within the range of years, we will get to work in many companies in different field. After certain of years, we can change the place. If we choose to go private, we can work on the top level (Controller and CFO) - which is much better if we first start off at private in accountant level, and stuck there for years before/never moving up. (This is the best part that matched my taste. With little experiences, but I get to meet and learn from many inspiring people from different fields, and then to discover the field I like to work on in the future - either work big or running business). The cons that people always talk about accounting is the long working hours (up to 60h per week) during tax season. And prof said (just like my mom always said), if you don’t have kids or family, why bother about that? If you don’t work, what else you want to do? Spending time watching movie, gaming? But prof said that it would not be every week though. Earn money in that age, and use the money earn to treat yourself. Want gym, gym in the weekend. And also, regarding concern for going out with friends to retain friendship, if you work that much hours, you get to meet many accounting people in the same field, learn from them, and you can hang out with them. (It’s a win-win.) So now, I decided that this is the career path that I want. So, here’s the plan: Talk to advisor if I should get CPA -> Graduate with BS Accounting -> Work here -> Moving out and have my own apartment -> Be a busy and working woman who meets many important people while being financially dependent woman who earn and spend money on herself -> After several years (maybe in 30s) either go private or run business. And if I have a chance, I will squeeze MBA-Management in my timeline (since I am interested in HR, and I will need that skill, too). My dear future self, fighting! 09/18/2018

They say “Greed is bad”. But, “guilt is worse than greed for it robs the body of its soul”.

Don’t let guilt or ‘afraid’ or laziness block our vision.

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right — for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."

Let the little greed inside you lead you out of the rat race.

————don’t say “you can’t afford it”. Ask yourself “How can I afford it?”

8/11/2018

—Rich Dad Poor Dad

Regret? Nah, maybe

I have been always kept myself from thinking negative, but I am really really feeling and regret this morning...

If I didn’t come here for the second time...

That time, I was debating myself (brain) very veryyyy hard as well as against my parents that I didn’t wanna come back. I was holding strong that I wanna stay in Cambodia.

Know that I think about that, my heart which wanna stay there was correct.

My life was, in one word, the best!

Among my friends in Cambodia, I was one of the successful person. And also if I compare to this current life.

I was having a decent job, if compared to my friend: a well & high paid job for my then level of education (bacII).

At the work place, I was appreciated by my teacher (then my manager also the one who brought me into the company) and well taken care by surrounding team member and other employees (because I was the youngest ~maybe?).

I was noticed by my loving bosses. Got bonus almost every month I was there.

I was offered free scholarship at CamEd, and guaranteed good position - was going to create new audit/account department and I could be the manager.

In term of education, I was enrolled in one of the best and well known business school in the capital. Had close friends...

In term of lifestyle, life was soooooooo good for me. I had my own transportation and could use it legally. I had my own room and own bathroom ~ can organize and decor as I wanted. I had an understanding mom around whom I could talk to and cook food and do some hobbies. I had a lot of close friends who shared interests (social events/volunteering)... and many best street food around.

Yes, everything was in the best situation until I’m here.

But why I’m here? And what I got when I’m here? I think it’s just for rep, fame and good looking from others. That cool vibe. But I’m not THAT HAPPY.

I’ve been so down.

Yes, I was so successful in my college ~ comparing to my friends. I have been traveling to places and made friends with good people. But, it just doesn’t click to the happy button.

The that’s not my room, that’s not my place, that’s not my car, that’s not my fav food, that’s not what I like moment really drain me down. ...Maybe like dearintrovert say, I don’t have a place to recharge my energy. But I really need those back.

People would say now I’m out of my comfort zone. But I think I was already stepped out of my comfort zone in Cambodia. So, I would say right now is a negative zone.

I have been thinking that... the heart and head moment was super tough. Heart wanted to stay there because actually everything was good enough for me. While my head told me to keep seeking for better, do what others might not be able to do, grab the chance. But, so now what? My heart was true. I should have followed my heart, not my head.

Well, everything is too late now. If I go back, I won’t get what I was having. So, what I have to do now is to strive more, without looking back. SINCE I’M STILL YOUNG. Maybe fate leads me here. Maybe something good is waiting for me. Keep trying.

And what you have learn from that 18-year-old experience is that: if I feel pleased/enough with everything I have, and my heart says yes, DO IT. The heart is me. The head is what others think of me, and I don’t want that.

Just like I said with the fate/pre-determined life plan, maybe I will be better this way. After this curve or blocking mountain, I’ll see the bright light — the light which lead me to the best version of me.

Special thanks to mom for kept pushing me to come here, keep saying positive when I’m here, and encourage me to do great for my future here. Although it’s tough, it helps me discover what I like and don’t like, the true adult version of me.

You can do it, M.

Everyone is living a tough life, so don’t care about that.

Your value is increasing with your education, this step is worth it. Take time, and you will find the things you truly like.

And this 2 years is fast. And based on my own theory, if it’s happy, time flies. So maybe this two years is not bad, although not as good as in Cambodia.

Good luck, from the self me 20 years old.

July 21 2018

Me-home

In the future, once I’m financially stable, and before I get married, I want to live by myself. Maybe a house, a floor or an apartment to myself. A place where I can enjoy me-time, hang around with whatever appearance I wanna be, cook my own food, use bathroom as long as I want and especially a place where all the organization and decoration are in my control!

A place where I can live without the blaming from elders. Maybe a lifestyle where I can do whatever I want, leave and come back to home whenever I want, and hangout with whomever I want. Oh! Also having friends over like those girl squads who can have sleepover, party or cookout together. Can’t imagine how much fun it will be.

And yes, it has to be before marriage. Once I’m in relationship or married, I can no longer do those things. If I date and live alone, he might come; so a NO NO. If married, phewwww, I’ll share the place with someone else. And single life cannot come back forever! Yea, I know I will love my husband, but I’m introvert. I wanna experience this.

One thing that I’m afraid of is that: once I experience it, I don’t wanna lose it. And, I know my parents won’t like it. But I’ll find a way... it’s my life, I wanna try this. Hmmm...

July-20-2018

#maselflove

Those people are hard to come by, and some don’t even try~

“Great-minded discusses ideas, average-minded discuss events, and small-minded people discuss about other people.”

July092018

- Michelle Phan

#qquote

My parents keep telling me, “it doesn’t matter where you are, the place that you can make money is the best place to live because to live costs you money”.

But then, they add, “You don’t have to be very rich and stand out; the rich which demands all of you, your time and your mental health. Just have enough money to fulfill/buy what you want and make you happy. That’s enough.”

And by that, plus what I have learned from my own experiences and older people, I can conclude that, “As long as I appreciate what I have, I will be the happiest person ever!”

July082018

#maselflove #qquote

Thoughts from last night when I couldn’t fall asleep...

In C, there are only two ways to get rich: illegal/injustice job (corruption, selling illegal stuffs) and luck (real estate, lottery, lucky draw or inheritance).

If you just try your best to work pretty pretty hard, you will just be a middle working class.

7/4/2018

July 4,2018

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