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shark vs the universe
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@unacceptable-lie
I stood here and looked and the only sounds were crickets and the stream behind me.
Dear diary...
I don't like this day.
I feel awful...
Dear diary...
I can't sleep...
I'm drowning in my own thoughts again...
Dear diary... (Trigger warning)
It's been long since I've relapsed...
But by now... I know it's not a matter of if, but when.
I miss it... And at this point I don't know if I actually want to recover. I don't think I even deserve it in the first place.
At any moment, I'll go back to where I was at the beginning of this. Like always.
It always ends the same... And I don't know how to feel about it anymore.
I'm sorry for being such a failure. I'm sorry for not trying my best...
Dear diary... (Trigger warning)
I'm not actively suicidal, and I haven't been in a while.
But the thoughts are still there...
They still haunt me the same way they always have.
I guess after so many years of this... I've become sort of numb to it all.
My mind still wants me dead... And I know it's only waiting for me to break down again.
Dear diary... (Trigger warning)
I hate how a single chromosome can fuck up your life.
I just wish I didn't have a body at all.
"The thought of healing is unappealing to the voice inside my brain."
Slaves, "Like I Do"
Dear diary...
I try to be here for people...
I try to be enough...
But... I'm always a disappointment.
I always ruin everything...
And when I try to help, I only make everything worse.
I'm useless. I'm worthless.
I'm never good enough.
I will never be good enough...
"Try to save myself, but myself keeps slipping away."
Nine Inch Nails, "Into The Void"
Dear diary...
It's so... Hard to hold on to life...
But... I try.
I have been trying lately, more than ever, to hold on to the little things that make this life a little less unbearable, and to ignore everything else...
And it's hard to ignore all the shit my mind tells me everyday... But I think I really am trying.
I don't know if life is worth it. And I know I won't think this way once I break down again. But this is how I feel at this moment, I guess...
spring tulips vii
ig : afternoondreams
i feel like i’m suffocating