Unbiological

[unbiological]

Getting Curious

I have mad respect for step parents who's step children have both biological parents in the picture. I feel in some ways I have it easier because I don't have to deal with the kids' incubator. In other ways I feel I have a whole other set of obstacles. For instance, 1 million questions about said incubator.

 What does she look like? Why isn't she around? Why can't I see her? Here I am having to answer these questions without totally bashing the woman who gave birth to them because I don't want the hurt from her absence to become any worse by my bad mouthing. These questions hurt though. Just another way I still let her into my life even though she hasn't been seen in almost 10 years. So, I just grit my teeth and smile with every carefully worded answer when the subject comes up.

My husband gave the girl a picture. I found said picture taped to the side of the girls dresser one day. I didn't say a word to the girl. I didn't say a word to the husband. I just cried inside and walked out of the room. It hurt. I'm not even sure why it hurt. The girl doesn't know any better. Her developing brain could not even begin to comprehend why I would feel that way. Yet, there are times that her off hand comments and actions cut deep and I sense it was on purpose.

I am thankful but at the same time sad that the boy has a completely different reaction to the subject. He doesn't want to talk about her. He doesn't want to hear about her. He doesn't want to meet her. He doesn't care. It breaks my heart that what he had to endure brought him to this mind set. However, it warms my heart that he views me totally and entirely as mom.

I just take the bad with the good and hope and pray I am doing it right. That my children won't grow to resent me for the choices their incubator made.

Curiosity killed the cat.

[unbiological]

After all this time...

My son got a text from a number he didn’t know today. He asked who it was. The texter responded “your mom”. He thought nothing of it and ignored it. Until they added “I was with your sister at the store”. My son showed me the text and my heart stopped. I went into full panic mode. The girl was at her grandparents house. I hollered at my husband to call them now and find out where she was. I called the number that was texting, they hung up when they heard my voice.

The boy sees the panic in my eyes and suggests looking up the number in his old phone. It was an ex girlfriend of his. My husband was relieved. The boy was annoyed. I’m still over here panicking.

12/30/17. Nine years. It has been nine years and I still look over my shoulder. I am constantly asking myself, “what would you do if you saw her?” I don’t know why I let her have that much power over me.

Even knowing who the text was from I still had to hear my baby girls voice.

I don’t know what I would do if they were taken from me. Those children are my world.

[unbiological]

[unbiological]

The Kids

August 4, 2011 we went to court. My husband was in the judges chambers for all of two minutes. My stomach was in knots waiting for the news. He stepped out. I have never seen my husband smile as big as he did that day. He won custody.

He told me the judge looked briefly over the paperwork, saw that She had not seen the kids since December 2009, had made no real attempts at getting them back, and then the judge signed off on my husbands custody rights. Thank you Jesus! She owes us child support, She has no rights to the kids, and my husband gets to chose when and where She can have supervised visits and who is to be the supervisor. She hasn't taken us up on that.

Two years, seven months, two weeks and two days later, it was over. The long hard battle to custody was won. We could breath a little easier. Don't get me wrong, I still look over my shoulder. I have not set foot in her home town in years. If I were to see her I would turn the other way. I may never know if she intends on making good on her threats. I don't want to find out.

I've never regretted my decision to marry a man with children and a crazy ex girlfriend. I love my husband and the kids more than I ever could have imagined. Let me fill you in on a little secret though...I never wanted kids. I know I'm crazy right?! I ask myself every day what I've gotten myself into and every day I look into those beautiful faces and hear them call me mommy. Then I know why.

It has been far from easy though. I didn't know how to take care of an eleven month old baby. I knew how to take care of a dog. Dog I was good at, but I can't put the baby outside for the day and do whatever it is I need done. We have had some ups and we have had some downs. Every bit of it has been worth it.

Next week, The Boy.

[unbiological]

Crazy Town

Within two weeks of Her giving my boyfriend the children we get a text asking for them back. Immediately after my boyfriend gets a phone call. Its Her twin sisters baby daddy. Baby daddy informs my boyfriend that She only gave him the kids so that he could say goodbye. Her true intentions were to kidnap the kids and take them out of state so my boyfriend would never see them again. Like that was ever going to happen! We kept the kids and told Her she would be hearing from our attorney.

Now let me take you into crazy town. Up to this point I had been left voicemails telling me to "give back her husband (no they were not married) and go eat a cheeseburger you fat cow," I was threatened to be killed if she ever saw me again, and I got the usual home wrecker labels. I got probably a hundred or so text messages and phone calls a day. Did my boyfriend get any? No. Again, why do women do that. I would just bite my tongue and let her talk to the kids.

There was not a daggum thing I could say to this woman to make her stop with the hateful things she felt I needed to hear. I eventually just changed my phone number. Then one day I had a baby shower to go to. So I took the kids to my parents house because my husband was working out of town and I couldn't take them with me. My parents live and hour away. Which happens to be between Her and us. I guess She knew this somehow, because that day she found me.

My mother had called me and told me to get out of her parking space. So as I was backing out of the drive way I almost hit a car. My moms yelling at me to stop. As I look back I realize its Her at the same moment she realizes its me. I'm thinking CRAP what do I do now?! I watch which way she pulls out and quickly load up car seats. I knew shed be waiting for me because the way she turned was away from town, and unless you know back roads you'd be lost in seconds that way.

I get the kids settled with my parents. We decided it would be best if they just brought them to my house and wait for me there. Then I left. I got to the end of the street and there she sat at the stop sign one street over. I pull out. She pulls out behind me. I am panicked. Do I try to weave my way through town since she doesn't know the place or just try to out run her. I chose town. I couldn't shake her though so I flipped around in a neighborhood and headed back towards the police station. Yes I was terrified. I knew She would make good on her threats and she had help. I was alone.

So I get to the police station. On the way I called my dad to come watch my pickup while I was dealing with this. (I'm pathetic I know but the truck was my baby.) I jump out and lock my doors. I run inside and as I'm gasping for breath (not a runner) I tell the police officer I am being stalked and that this crazy person has chased me all the way to the station. He has me sit down because he sees her coming in.

She bursts in and yells "this b*tch has my kids!"

The police officer looks at me, "ma'am do you have her children."

"No, Sir. They are with grandparents." I replied.

"Ok, thank you ma'am. You can go now." He told me.

I hauled butt out of there. I did not look back. I waived at my dad and left. He called me later and told me he waited until she came out and he followed her half way back to her house to make sure she left me alone. My dads a scary looking man so I can only imagine what she was thinking about him following her. Ha ha its the little things...So I was free, for now.

I spent the next 2 years looking over my shoulder. She didn't know where either of us lived specifically but we would see her driving all over town on occasion. We frequently changed daycares. We hid out. She eventually found my boyfriends apartment complex. We moved him out in the middle of the night that very night. We weren't doing this to be vindictive. We did this to protect the children from this crazed maniacal kidnapper. Besides every time we would find her address, whether it was in this state or the next, she would move as soon as the papers where attempted to be served. She not once spoke to our attorney. It was obvious she wasn't getting one of her own. In December 2009 she actually had another baby. That father got custody within a couple of months. I guess that states laws are different than ours.

She eventually stopped calling. It was as if she had just dropped off of the face of the earth. My boyfriend and I married in the fall of 2009. I became mommy. My life now revolved around these two precious lives and their daddy. We were happy. Then on August 4, 2011 we got the most amazing news anyone could ask for!

To be continued... 

[unbiological]

Worth the wait

So after I waited for two hours, my best friend at the time convinced me to come over. I was devastated. I never thought the man I'd been talking to could do this to me. My bff calmed me down, stuck me in the car and drove me straight to him. On that hour drive I thought long and hard about what I wanted. How was I going to approach this? Did I get angry or lay it out for him one last time, Her or me?

We drove around town until we located him on the strip with our mutual friends. He explained that she refused to stop at Wal-Mart and drove right on home with him. I believed him after that display of crazy. There was still the question as to what he was going to do. I looked him in the eye and said this is it you either choose to stay in this misery with her or you come home with me and we will figure out what to do regarding the kids. He didn't even think about it. He got in the car and moved and hour and a half away from everything he's ever known.

This of course did not sit well with Her. For weeks on end she blew up my phone. Every time I'd block the number she was calling from and every time she'd find a new phone to call me from. I blocked her on Facebook. I blocked her on MySpace. She wouldn't stop. Of course she was only doing this to me. I get that your angry honey but take it out on the man that left you not me (I never understood why women do that). More about that later.

My now boyfriend made arrangements with Her in the beginning to have the kids every other weekend. So we would meet half way. Yes, I said we. There was no way I was letting him go alone after last time. Every other weekend became every weekend. Each time we would pick up the 2 & 1/2 year old Boy. She was convinced my boyfriend didn't know how to take care of the 6 month old Girl so it was a couple of months before she got to come over. Once she did she was sent in newborn clothing with a diaper bag full of moldy bottles, no formula, no baby food, no diapers...you get the picture. Then when the weekend was up we'd send them back in new clothes with a bag full of diapers and food. That was of course never enough. She insisted she needed $1000 a week on top of that for bills and gas to take the kids to weekly doctors appointments. He knew she was lying but for awhile he gave it to her. After a few months of him crashing on my grandmas couch I put a stop to that. He couldn't get his own place if he kept giving this crazy all his money.

 Come to find out she got herself and the kids kicked out of their house for not paying rent or utilities. And we all knew the doctors appointments where a joke. She was buying drugs and alcohol instead of feeding the kids or herself. That was the last straw, I think, for my boyfriend. Through his grandma he kept an eye on her. We found out she had the kids couch hopping and at one point even living in her car. She called one day asking my boyfriend if he could keep the kids while she got on her feet.

On December 19, 2008 we drove all the way to her to pick up the kids (The Boy was a month shy of 3 and The Girl was 11 months old). She conveniently lost the second car seat. Who does that? Either way we loaded up The Boy and drove straight to Wal-Mart to get a new car seat for The Girl. Since it was late we didn't go back until the next day. We picked up The Girl on December 20, 2008 and brought both the babies home.

Little did I know that was the day my life would change forever.

To be continued...

[unbiological]

I met a guy...

7 years, 2 months, and 25 days ago I met a guy. He was taken. I never thought twice about him, until I got the call. He was at our mutual friends house wanting me to come over a week later. I was across state lines with my 'refuse to make it official but you can't be with anyone else' guy. I let it go and didn't think about him again. That is until he text me from his own phone in the middle of the next week. I jumped my friends case about giving out my number. Asked him if this guy was for real or if I needed to sleep with one eye open. You see, I wasn't the type that got a lot of attention from guys, at least not the right kind of attention. So instead of being flattered at being chased I immediately got suspicious. My friend assured me he was harmless. So I text him back.

Fast forward a couple of days...we hang out for the day, back roading, listening to music and just talking. I really liked this guy. He was sweet. He listened to me and didn't seem to mind that I talked too much. Didn't hurt that he was really cute too. Only there was a problem, he had a girlfriend and two kids.

Now before you jump to conclusions about him or me, let me finish the story. We, at this point, were just friends. I was majorly crushing on him but I am no home wrecker. My momma raised me better than that. When I realized he was crushing back I gave him a choice, her or me. That may seem heartless considering they had kids together. It's not I promise. It had been over in his eyes long before.

See, I had actually met him two years before at a friends birthday party. He was there with his girlfriend. He had this look on his face. Like please help me I'm drowning and I don't know what to do. She wasn't very nice at all. That night our mutual friend had explained the type of person she was and that they had just had a kid together (This would be kid #1, known sincerely to me now as the boy). I thought to myself kudos to you for sticking around for your kid.

Now back to my ultimatum. I knew he had kids. I knew he had a girlfriend. That is why I told him I wouldn't see him again until he figured out what he wanted to do. He went back one last time to end things with her. He came back the next day and we hung out. Things were great, until the night of our first date.

Our first date. I had to pick him up. Being the kind hearted guy he is, he left their only vehicle with her because she had the kids. I show up to his work that Friday. I wait in the car for 30 minutes. He finally calls me and I didn't expect what he had to say.

"She's here." He said.

"Who's here?" I replied.

"The kids mom. She's parked next to you," he answered.

Great. I locked my doors. From the very few conversations with people about her, I was scared. It was another 30 minutes before he even braved stepping foot out of that office. Knowing now what I didn't know then, I would have hid too. Apparently she thought he was kidding when he said he was moving out of town because they were done. Somehow she talked him into going to Wal-Mart to cash his check so she could have money for the kids. He should have known better. 

I waited in Wal-Mart parking lot for 2 hours! Two hours and not a sign of him. His phone was off. Like a dog that just got dumped, I sat there in probably the most dangerous Wal-Mart parking lot in the state waiting for his return. He was gone.

To be continued...