“I do hate you! You did choose! You chose to continue it! You chose to see him!” Regulus spit the last word, unwilling to say the name of the man who took his cousin from him. A cousin that was more like a sibling than his own brother had been. “We used to talk about love, but we were young and naive. We never thought we’d actually have it. We’re purebloods; we don’t have that luxury. It was selfish, at least you can admit that, even if you have no guilt over it.” His eyes remained black and cold, but he could feel the fire burning in them, the tears that threatened to spill with each sentence he spoke. He was frustrated, angry, more emotions he couldn’t even put words to. He could feel his voice quiver, nearly breaking every time he spoke. He hated being weak in front of her, but there was no stopping this now. “How can I ever forget all that you’ve done for me? But you knew I would have no choice or I would end up like you; disowned and thrown away. If Mother saw me now, she’d very well drag me home and hold him nose to the tapestry. This is the way of things. It’s us or them, and you chose them. It doesn’t matter if you still want me, because now you can’t. You can’t.” Regulus shook his head as he stepped back, the tears starting to fall as his body shook.
He hated this. It was hard when Sirius had left, but it was on different terms. He had hated the family and had always let it be known. So it was only a matter of time before he finally did what he’d always threatened and had walked out of their lives. But Andie…Regulus would have never guessed this betrayal in a thousand years. Maybe that’s why it stung so much more. Why it was so much harder to accept and get over. There was a small part of him that wanted to say fuck it and still talk to his cousin, but his mother, and even father, had eyes and ears everywhere. Walburga would find out, and Regulus would have hell to pay. His freedom would be gone, and probably even Imorra. He wasn’t naive, he knew his parents knew about his French girl, even if they didn’t ask questions and let him be. But if he disobeyed their direct orders and spoke to Andie, he’d only hurt himself and would be married off in no time. It was a horrible place to be stuck between, and it just wasn’t fair.
Regulus scrubbed the tears from his face with the back of his hand, his other reaching into his coat, pulling something out. “I never read this, you know. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t think I ever will. I can’t accept things are over and you’re not coming back. Because maybe one day, you will.” He shook his head again as he dropped the unopened envelope between them. “Good bye, Andromeda.”
It broke her heart, absolutely shattered it, to hear him speak to her this way, speak about her this way. She’d known that he’d be hurt by her decision, she’d known it the same way that she’d known Cissy and Bella would be, but somehow, it hurt so much more that she’d done this to Regulus. Sirius had left him, and now so had she, and she knew she had no right to plague him this way, like a stray dog that wouldn’t shoo.
The tears started falling, and she did nothing to stop them, watching as Regulus ripped up her heart in front of her. She deserved it, of course she did, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. She’d given up on everything that she’d held so dear to her. Her sisters, her cousins, her family. Family had always been everything to her, and she’d thrown it all away for Ted. Yes, she loved Ted, she loved him with everything in her, but what did it say about her that on what had to seem a whim, she’d just up and traded in her nice, cushy life, surrounded by people she loved, for starting over, and living a much more challenging life.
Did she regret her decision? No. Did she regret hurting the people she loved? Absolutely.
But watching Regulus have to deal with all of this, again, because she was selfish and just wouldn’t stay away was a punishment like no other. She deserved this, she knew she did. The envelope fell at her feet, and she stared at it, the little ‘thump ringing in her ears, almost enough to drown out his goodbye, but not quite.
She didn’t stop to pick it up, instead taking a step backwards immediately as though she’d been burned. She wouldn’t say goodbye, couldn’t bring herself to. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything, except another whispered “i’m sorry.” Her eyes burned as more tears came, and her chest tightened; she felt as though she were being suffocated from the inside out. She coulsn’t be here, shouldn’t be here. She needed to go.
Taking another step backward, she turned, and ran. Ladies never ran, not from their problems, or their feelings, but Andromeda didn’t feel like a lady anymore, and she ran as fast as she could.
She didn’t stop until she reached the home she shared with Ted, and as disappointed as he would have been to see it, she pulled her cigarette case -the one Evan had gifted her once upon a time- pulled out a cigarette, and lit it. She sat on the front porch until the case was empty, smoking cigarette after cigarette until her throat was raw, and she was all cried out.
Her finger moved over a scar in her left palm, tracing the line there, as she thought-not for the first time- about the day she and Regulus had made that pact. “I’m sorry,” she said to no one, finally standing up to go inside.