sunshine and rainbows

A busy girl is a happy girl... Πάθει μάθος Life is a tragedy and death was my reality...

[undead-abbyblake]

Okay. I’d like that.

Okay.

[undead-abbyblake]

Well, during and after the kiss happened, all I could think about was you. How I was going to tell you, how this would make you feel, how this was going to affect us, everything. Holly apologised and all that, but it didn’t make things any better. Believe it or not, I was upset about it too, because I knew this would happen. She said she felt like it was something she needed to do, I didn’t really understand why, but in the end we both agreed to keep our distance, at least until I sorted everything out with you. I haven’t spoken to her since and I don’t plan on doing it. I have nothing to say to her.

Okay. Look, I don’t want to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with. Some distance is probably good right now until this all settles down but it’s never going to be my place to control who you hang out with. But I do want you to know that if in the future you do choose to hang out with her and everything, I’m okay with that because I trust you. Just make sure that when that time comes you talk it out with her. It’s better if both of you understand how the other one feels. Now, let’s just put all of this behind us.

[undead-abbyblake]

I think it’s sorta 50/50 like Chris should have listened to you, but then again he is like just a simple nice guy he probably didn’t think anything would actually happen, whereas Holly completely knew what she was doing in my opinion.

Yeah, I don’t know. It’s not so much that he should’ve listened to me but I just wish he could pick up on things like this. I feel like he just has no idea about it and it makes me a little uncomfortable. But, at the end of the day he really wasn’t the one who did any thing wrong. Honestly, I’m just over the whole thing.

[undead-abbyblake]

Okay, I’ll be real. For starters, I feel like a complete idiot. Especially because you warned me about Holly and I was to stubborn to listen. Now that all the crap has hit the fan, I realised it was my fault. You did your part and I didn’t do mine. There are two options when it comes to mistakes: either you fall into the same hole again or you just learn from it and I think I owe you that. You’ve done nothing wrong. All I ever do is hurt you and lately I’ve been wondering how everything would be if I was out of the picture. Clearly I haven’t been the perfect boyfriend or a good one at that, but we’ve been together for a long time now and I honestly wouldn’t want to throw this all away just because of this. I know it’s a selfish thought, but I love you. I know I might’ve had weird ways to show it or I maybe don’t show it at all, but I do. You are literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know you said no romanticising, but that’s how I feel. There’s no other way to explain it. I know I can’t go back in time and fix everything, but what I can do to make things right is learn and I’m willing to do that if you give me the chance.

You’re not on trial Chris, you have to stop trying to prove something to me. I understand the situation. Holly kissed you. Yeah, it’s partially your fault. We’ve already covered that. Stop acting like I’m questioning our whole relationship because I’m not. The past is the past. We’ve had three great years of you loving me and me loving you, okay? Neither of us was better than the other at showing their love. I’m not talking about all of that. The only thing I’m questioning right now is the current situation. I just want to know how you feel about the Holly situation and how you feel about me still.  I’m not going to ask the second part again because I get it you love me more than anything else in the world. That’s wonderful and if we were sitting in the stables holding hands right now I would be so happy with that, but not every situation needs a Chris Moretz “I love you” as a band aid. I love you, you know that. You love me, I know that. Now let’s move on. Don’t give me a declaration of love or a promise, Chris. The past and the future don’t matter to me right now. I just want to know how you handled the Holly situation and what your plan is for the future. 

[undead-abbyblake]

Yeah, Chris told me. I told him he was an idiot to keep talking to a girl who was clearly infatuated with him. It was only a matter of time. Like I can’t figure out who’s the bigger dumbass–Chris for not seeing it coming or Holly for kissing her sister’s man.

They both have their fair share of idiocy, trust me. I just want to move past it, you know? I wish it could have never happened and everything could just go back to the way it was. But a part of me is just mad, though. I don’t really know at who exactly. Maybe Chris or Holly or maybe myself. I just- I don’t know.

[undead-abbyblake]

|  a e s t h e t i c :  a b i g a i l   b l a k e  |

[undead-abbyblake]

Have they been saying stuff about you?

Of course they have. I mean who wouldn’t talk about me? Just kidding. But apparently half of camp has been talking about Chris and Holly kissing. Guess I was the last to know.

[undead-abbyblake]

I don’t want it to be over either, because even though I’m an idiot who keeps messing up over and over again, I love you. More than anything, more than you can possibly imagine. I’m sorry I’ve failed at showing you that and at many other things. I know you have no reasons to trust me after this, but when I tell you that I will do anything to fix this, I mean it. Let me show you.

I’m glad that you love me. I love you too, you know that. I want to move forward from this, but I really don’t want you to confess your undying love for me or to prove your worth in romantic gestures right now. So, can we skip all that? Just tell me exactly how you feel without romanticizing it so we can be real with each other. Our relationship has always worked because of how well we know each other and our foundation of friendship. We can’t just skip around from the very highs to lowest lows. That’s not how relationships work, Chris. We’re going to move past this but I don’t want to skip right into being happy go lucky. I think we both need to reflect and heal for a little while.

[undead-abbyblake]

I never said you did anything wrong. I didn’t say that. I just - forget it. Listen, I know mistakes have been made. I should know, I’m the one making them all the time. I also understand that I’m a grown man and it’s not your responsibility to mom me around. You’re right, it’s not something you should do. I know I can do this and I will. I will show you.

No, you didn’t say it but don’t imply it. Yes, you made many mistakes. Yes, it’s your responsibility. You can’t sweet talk yourself out of this. I understand that one girl kissing is not a reason to end our relationship. I don’t want it to be, because that would just be stupid. And, I know that at the end of the day I still love you and care about you more than anything else in the world. But you are the one here who messed up so you fix it. Clean up your mess. If this relationship isn’t what you want, that’s okay. I understand and we can just be friends again. Just do me a favor and don’t make me second guess how you feel.

[undead-abbyblake]

I feel like they’ve hired some campers who just spill bullshit.

Those damn snitches.

[undead-abbyblake]

I know, I know. But if something or someone’s bothering you, you need to tell me so I can do something about it. Sure, anything.

I always have. I’m not the one who has done anything wrong here, Chris, don’t use this as an opportunity to turn this on me. You made a mistake and that’s okay but it’s your mistake. I literally did tell you about Holly so I really haven’t done anything wrong. Nevermind.

[undead-abbyblake]

That’s why you need to tell me. I’ll listen to you from now on. I promise.

Okay, but it shouldn’t be my responsibility to always tell you. I mean what if I’m not there? You have to know for yourself, Chris. Can I ask you a question?

[undead-abbyblake]

I know and I can only imagine how you feel right now. You probably hate me, because honestly, I’d hate me too, but I don’t blame you if you do. You were right, I should’ve listened. I guess I brought this all up on myself. And I know it won’t make things any better, but I can only promise you that it won’t happen again.

Stop, I don’t hate you. I told you, I haven’t decided how I feel yet. But I know for a fact that I don’t hate you. I trust you, so if you say that you pulled away and everything then I believe you. You just have to make sure you don’t lead people on. 

[undead-abbyblake]

Okay. If that’s what you want, that’s what I’ll do. I’m sorry, Abby. I really am. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you.

Yeah I know, Chris. It still kind of sucks though. The kiss isn’t that big of a deal, I mean, it probably wasn’t mainly your fault. I’m still pissed about it, don’t get me wrong, but I'll get over it. It’s mostly the fact that you had no idea that she was even into you. Like I could see it clear as day and I even told you but you told me that it was nothing. I feel like things like this are just going to keep happening because you never see them coming.

[undead-abbyblake]

No, it’s not fine. It doesn’t feel fine. You need to talk to me.

I just don’t want to talk about it, okay? It’s not like I’ve had any time to think about it. I don’t know what to say or how I feel so just leave it. I don’t need to talk to you, I don’t owe you anything right now. Just give me time.

[undead-abbyblake]

I know. It was very stupid of me, but I guess I never thought it would come down to this. Don’t you think I think about it all the time? I should’ve listened to you and none of this would’ve happened. But it did, and all I can do now is apologise.

It’s fine.

[undead-abbyblake]

You probably don’t want to hear the details, but I pulled away. I know how it bad everything sounds, but I don’t think you understand how terrible I feel. I failed you and I guess I understand if you hate me now. I just wanted you to hear it from me and not from someone else.

First, I would like to say I told you so. That girl was so into you. Second, like a girl who doesn’t share my mother probably would’ve been a better idea. And third, saying that you “failed me” sounds like we’re in some shitty romcom so please don’t pull that type of shit. Just give me second to process, okay?