dumb atla fanfic idea: ozai is thrown back in time—to the time when firelord azulon still sat on the throne. when ursa had not disappeared into the arms of her lover, ikem. when he still had his bending. when the avatar had not reappeared.
when all was right with the world.
ozai’s ready to conquer the world—nine years earlier than planned, nine years before sozin’s comet was set to arrive.
…
what he did not expect was that the one thing standing in his way of success was his eldest son—in the body of a five-year old.
((where ozai and zuko travel back in time and try to thwart each other in every way possible while everyone’s confused by second prince ozai’s great amount of disdain for his only son and said son’s pettiness towards his father))
*in the middle of a war meeting*
Ozai: I suggest we send Prince Zuko with the 37th battalion to fight against the Earth rebels.
War General, very concerned: Prince Zuko is a five-year old.
Ozai, staring at him straight in the eye: I am aware.
Zuko: Listen
Zuko: I have no idea who posted those wanted posters of my father
Zuko: Nor do I have any idea who keeps harassing him with rotten food
Zuko: And who chooped off his goatee
Zuko, making eye-contact with Ozai: It must’ve been the Blue Spirit.
*in the middle of another war meeting which Zuko managed to squeeze himself into*
Zuko, after an hour of low-key arguing with Ozai: I apologize for cutting you off, Father.
Zuko: But can you speak louder?
Zuko: Your ego is deafening.
@aboutiroh this is a beautiful addition. I present this:
Hakoda wasn’t sure what he expected when another Fire Nation ship came into view just seconds after the soldiers stormed down the first one.
“Shit,” he hears Bato mutter behind him.
Hakoda echoed the sentiment albeit silently. Their chances were looking way too grim. He grips his spear tighter. He could only hope Kya, their children, and the rest of tribe could escape safely and make it out alive.
Just as he was about to signal his men to charge, a white flag from the second ship was raised into the air, almost frantically.
Was this the Fire Nation’s new tactic? Hakoda wondered. Lulling their enemies into a false sense of security before ambushing them with greater numbers. He wasn’t going to fall for that. It doesn’t diminish their greater numbers though. The Fire Nation soldiers, loathe he is to admit it, could overpower them at this very moment already, except—
A visible tide of confusion rippled through the first wave of Fire Nation soldiers. They fall back. But not before Hakoda catches whiff of the words, “Dragon of the West”.
Ice washes over Hakoda. It was worse than he thought. He can already see his men hesistating, the younger ones shaking, in his peripheral.
He signals them to wait. Rushing would do them no good. He needed to see the number of men on board before changing strategies.
The hunk of metal docked, creaking grimly before the ramp lowered and hit the ice with a loud thud.
Hakoda blinked.
What came out was a child—likely around Sokka’s age—waving a white flag obviously too big for his body to carry.
The child, seeing that everyone was too stunned to react and attack, gave them a practiced, dimplomatic smile.
“Chief Hakoda,” he greets. “May I steal your children?”
This is the best AU because
- The Gaang is all 10 years younger, except Aang who is still 12.
- Zuko shows up at the SWT and goes “Chief Hakoda I know this sounds confusing but I need your children to stop my douchebag father and end this war”
- He finds Aang in that iceberg to prove his point “See, I even got the Avatar for you, now can I pleeeaaaase go travel the world with Sokka and Katara”
- Aang is very confused too but he just rolls with it
- Azula contemplates whether she should continue to try and impress her dad or go with Zuko. She goes with Zuko.
- Iroh hasn’t started his Siege of Ba Sing Se yet. He’s not post-redemption Iroh, but he’s got it in him somewhere and tiny Zuko awakens it.
- While they’re traveling on Appa, Zuko sees Toph and goes “WAIT we have to abduct that blind baby playing with the badgermoles”
- at this point nobody questions him anymore and they get baby Toph on board. She’s two and somehow still the most badass among all of them.
- Ozai is defeated by a bunch of toddlers and children and is now even more pathetic.
Additionally,
- Rumors of children being randomly abducted spread like wildfire.
- More so after a child from Kiyoshi Island, despite being neutral to the war, was stolen.
- With the knowledge that the Avatar has, in fact, reappeared, people conclude that the Avatar is a kidnapper.
- After kidnapping Toph, Zuko presents her to Aang saying, “This is you earthbending master.”
- Aang is hesistant. But then he sees baby Toph bend metal (“Uh, Zuko, I don’t think you should buy metal baby toys” “Trust me, Aang. I know what I’m doing”<<He does this because adult!Toph once said that plastic and wooden baby toys were for the weak) and he’s immediately sold.
- Nobody outside the gaang is sure whether or not Aang’s serious about calling a two-year old sifu. Said two year old cackles everytime she’s addressed that way.
- Sokka develops a childhood crush on Suki and bullies her in response. He stops when Suki beats his ass and gives him a stern talk.
- Sokka begins following Suki like a lost puppy.
- Katara first learns waterbending from the swampbenders when Zuko took them on a detour.
- Zuko sends Azula and Ursa letters every now and then, updating them about important stuff. (Dear mother, I am now travelling with a two-year old. Best wishes, Zuko)
- Ursa travels away from the Fire Nation in search of Zuko after Azula ran over to her and began bawling about Zuzu replacing her as his sister.
- Cue mother-daughter bonding as they travel around the Earth Kingdom in disguises in search of Zuko and his gaggle of toddlers. (Azula basks in the attention from her mother that she’s always yearned for.)
- Ursa bumps into Kya and Hakoda and team up. They exchange stories and they all agree that there needs to be a change in Firelord.
- Kya gives Azula candy, Hakoda teaches Azula how to defend herself with a knife, Ursa guides her through firebending katas. Needless to say, Azula is showered in actual love and is happy.
- Team Actually-Trying-To-Be-Good-Parents reunites with the gaang and after a bit of scolding and a fair share of fretting have dinner like one big family.
- To Sokka’s horror, Azula gets along very well with Momo. Azula also proceeds to teach Katara how to fight with a knife.
- Meanwhile, Iroh is travelling the world with Lu Ten after Ozai’s obvious assasination of the late Firelord Azulon. Together, they go through multiple spiritual hijinks, uncover lost civilizations, find themselves embroiled in conspiracies about cabbages, and discover the order of the white lotus.
- Zuko and Iroh’s letter exchanges are wild.
- Ozai ascends to the throne with an empty palace, heirs somewhere around the world, a half-cut goatee (courtesy of the Blue Spirit), and an avatar under the guidance of his son, gearing to end his reign once more. He briefly wonders if he should’ve chased after his son instead of assasinating his father.
Every single time. This post, I swear. It keeps getting better.
Okay but does Lu Ten end up as Firelord or do they just plop literal gremlin child Zuko on the throne and give him baby Firelord robes
Because, if it’s the latter, that’s adorable but hoo boy the royal tailors are going to hate puberty.
*after defeating Ozai*
Zuko, a 7-year old: I will ascend the throne.
Everyone: CHILD NO.
Zuko: I will ascend.
The Ozai loyalists at court are prepared for the greatest shitshow on earth once a literal 7-year old becomes Firelord and gleefully bid their time until his undoubtedly imminent failure, but the little demon is actually doing… well?
The tiny monster’s feet aren’t even touching the ground from where he sits on the throne, but he is nonetheless happily debunking the merits of class-specific household registration and demanding cuts be made to the military budget and when did he even learn those words?!
Lu Ten, of course, is delighted to be his little cousin’s advisor, because from up here he gets to see all the fantastic faces that the royal councillors make when their tiny Firelord talks about things like “our public schooling system is frankly atrocious, Minister Seng, and I will no longer stand idly by while our youth is fed propaganda; here, I’ve put together an overview of the new curriculum, you and the Cabinet of Education are to refine and implement this, effective immediately.”
Things get even better when, not 5 minutes later, the little Firelord proceeds to call the Minister of Education a “big dumdum”.
I left my bullshit for a minute so i could make something wholesome
he baby i love him
