Among the Stars

Libertas, local funny prince guy (he/him), I'm an adult. This is my little sideblog I complain a lot be forewarned

[underaburningsky]

Hello hello

Writing a new little introduction since I'll probably be here more~

You can call me Libertas (he/him), I'm a trans guy, local pretty prince in your area, ect ect. Feminine presenting, gnc, the whole thing. Bi-oriented aroace with queerplatonic attraction, solo player.

I'm an adult (past 18 by a few years now) so don't be alarmed if I interact with kink or kink-adjacent content. Switch vers, not looking for a partner or commitment, keep my DMs SFW or I'll treat you like I treat the beautiful hot singles in my area (by blocking you.) Casual conversation about kink is fine, being explicit with me is not, thank you <3 Feel free to send lighthearted asks on the matter though, I'll probably answer.

My DNI is pretty loose, 18+ only, please possess a modicum of a brain <3 if you're one of those weirdos who believe I, as a non-passing/fem trans guy, can't talk about my experiences growing up as and being perceived as a woman, kindly go find a bigger stick to replace the one in your ass with </3 Also, objectification is a heavy no, go to some other blog for that, thank you~

I'm heavily traumatized and have BPD and ADHD, so I'll probably complain about those a lot, because this was originally a side blog just to vent about those things. Feel free to interact, I don't bite often!

[underaburningsky]

I'm so incredibly tired. I promised not to become jaded towards life, but really I'm not sure how long that promise is going to hold up. Therapy isn't helping, my therapist isn't available right now anyway. Therapist won't put me on meds since I'm doing okay outwardly. Even though every waking moment I'm not working feels like the equivalent of getting stabbed in like three organs at once. I'm tired of worrying about being abandoned, or only being a teacher to people, or just being the one everyone looks up to because I'm "intelligent." Yet I can't bring myself to die. I panicked when a severe storm almost killed me just a few days ago. Why can't I just find some semblance of peace.

[underaburningsky]

Maybe there really is no such thing as getting better. I'm not cut out for interacting with other people. Guess I'll just work myself until I die. At least I somewhat enjoy my job. What's a guy gotta do to get a break around here? Thankfully you can't see how emotional wounds would look. I'd be sent to the intensive care unit, and I'm not sure I'd ever get out.

[underaburningsky]

If I ever say I want to live with a dog again please gently remind me to blow my head off.

[beautifuldarkmind]

I think i'm healing but I just revert back to the same old ways. I'm a lost cause.

[underaburningsky]

You know a lot of the abuse wouldn't happen if these fucks just got rid of the dogs.

[underaburningsky]

Rehab is so boring I want to kill myself

[underaburningsky]

Had a graphic nightmare, and blood testing was full, so I have to fast and wake up early again tomorrow and hope there's space to get it done. It's already been a bad morning. Of course.

[underaburningsky]

I really hate the concept of obgyns. Like entirely real unless I am knocked out from the moment I enter the building to the moment I leave I'm not going. "But find one that's trauma informed" no you don't get it. It doesn't matter how it goes, I'm going to want to kill myself after regardless. I would quite literally rather die first. I want a hysterectomy in the future but if I don't want to be conscious for any of it. At least top surgery was fine.

[underaburningsky]

I've never really gotten used to going anywhere alone, and it kind of freaks me out, especially when things get bad mentally like right now. But I think I'm gonna try to go out tomorrow. Last time I went out alone, I got told to smile by some random guy, then yelled at because of an intersection miscommunication, so I really don't want to go back out again. But we'll see, I guess...

[underaburningsky]

I wish my body didn't feel like one big open wound. Not fond of staying awake for the rest of the night, think I'm gonna go to bed early.

[evlixr]

[underaburningsky]

I'm going to rehab starting Tuesday, to socialize with other people better, because I'm kind of really bad at it offline. I mean, I have literally zero friends my age, or really at all off the internet, ever since the last friendships I had turned sour (unfortunately not because of me splitting, but because they were genuinely shitty situations)

To be honest, I don't really want to go. I have zero faith I'm making friends of any kind there, or that there will even be people my age, and I'm gonna have to come out as trans (again...) to groups of people, as well as aroace knowing my luck...at least if and when I fail this time my therapist will see I am literally just. Not friendable. I'm simply not meant to be out there with other people, and never have been. I wish I could be a person on the internet forever.

I've never had an offline friend who didn't turn out to be a creep or got me hurt (physically, one of my last "close friends" didn't tell me their dog was reactive and it bit me in the face.) So it's like...I don't know. It's not gonna work out. I'll forever be stuck as that guy who's only there for support and help, and never as an actual equal person to them. That's the only reason my old friends talk to me anymore is when they need advice, anyway, and it's always been like that. You don't give advice, you get blatantly ignored for other people.

Plus, I don't drink or smoke or fuck, I don't like taking risks or doing stupid shit I know will have consequences just because of social pressure. And that's what college kids are usually about. Trust me, I've gotten bitched out plenty of times for not wanting to do things. And if anyone flirts with me and we're not close, it either triggers me to get super angry and hate that person, or I just give up and go home.

Maybe I just need a nap.

[jokersharlequinn]

yes, i am “100% aroace”. yes, i’m also the most hopeless romantic aromantic and the sluttiest asexual ever. hope this helps!! ♡

[underaburningsky]

I literally hate this disorder. Can I have peace for five minutes like who do I have to beg at this point

[abuzd]

[underaburningsky]

It's funny how one person can remind you why you're still alive