Black Women, Black Mothers, Black Wives
I had to spend some time today in self reflection. My emotions around what’s happening are multifaceted.
1. I am a black woman. What’s happening is an assault on black bodies. 2. I am a black mother of black babies. What’s happening is an assault on black motherhood because they are taking our children from us. No disrespect to fathers, but no one will mourn the loss of a child the way a mother will. 3. I am a black wife to a black man. What is happening is an assault on black marriage because they are taking our husbands and wives. The burden to hold up the children left behind is on the spouse.
My emotions aren’t just because I am a witness to what is happening. My entire being as a woman, as a mother, and as a wife are under attack. My revelation is not a surrendering, it is an awakening to what I am feeling and why.
4. I also have the added blessing and burden of preventing harassment and discrimination as my profession. In order to stop this hatred in the work and school environment, I have to listen to stories of hatred. Doing this in the personal space and the professional space has led to me feeling the way that I do right now. I am hurting.
But I am blessed, because I work for a white Ally who respect where I come from. She is also a mother of a black baby. While she can’t understand all levels of my pain, she has to recognize how it impacts her child. I am equally blessed to work with black people who can help me in my struggle. I was blessed by one of these highly educated black women, an educator and PhD, who asked to pray with me this evening.
We have a lot of work to do black women, black mothers, and black wives. But in doing this work we need to first recognize 1) why we are doing this work and 2) that while doing this work we come together to maintain our self-love and self care.
1. Acknowledge your emotions. Forget the notion of the “angry black woman”. Of course you are angry, everyone should be angry. 2. Recognize why you are in pain. Take some time to reflect on why you are crying or numb or apoplectic. 3. Engage in self-care today. Reach out to a woman who is like you. A black woman or a black woman + black mother or a black woman + black mother + black wife. Buck the idea that as black women we must be superwoman. Be strong tomorrow. Be vulnerable today. We are useless to ourselves and to the community if we are fully depleted.
