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i mainly reblog skz smut // 23

[glowcowboy]

GOALS FOR 2025

1. BELLY LAUGH MORE

2. LEARN SOMETHING NEW

3. REMEMBER YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO RUSH

4. SPEND MORE TIME WITH PEOPLE WHO BRING LIGHT INTO YOUR LIFE

5. ARTS AND CRAFTS

6. DANCE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR

7. EAT FOR PLEASURE & FOR HEALTH

8. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

9. MORE LOVE, ALWAYS

10. SEEK JOY

[ybklix]

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE

๋࣭ ⭑🕸 pairing: vampire!chrisbahng x inexperiencedfem!reader ˚˖𓍢ִ໋ 🦇˚⋆ 𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔: As part of a college assignment, you interview a peculiar doctor about his success and long career, but then he starts telling you about the odd and unbelievable lifestyle he used to lead that got him there, claiming to be something you find funny at first, but then you get caught up in the details, causing tension and questioning reality.

˖⋆࿐໋ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆 — 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: MDNI 18+, smut, corruption kink, breeding, choking, biting/marking, slight dubcon and sadism, pet names, blood play, fingering, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, creampie. ✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧ word count: 10.2k

𝔴𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔬𝔟𝔢𝔯 (𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗸𝘁𝗼𝗯𝗲𝗿 '𝟮𝟰) ₊˚🕯️♱‧₊˚. 01: vampire

notes: inspired by the 1994 movie of the same name! ✩ it's implied to be set in aus but ik the fall there it's different, but anyway, it's just to fit the theme

It was a cold night, the cool wind blew your hair gracefully and you enjoyed the exquisite scent of the autumn leaves that reached your senses and rustled with every step you took. It was the weekend before Halloween and the whole campus was full of young people walking around in their costumes, you felt a little out of place, as they all smiled and walked shamelessly in their most extravagant clothes, hairstyles and make-up to some party, unlike them, you were wearing your very nice autumn outfit, dark red sweater with V cleavage and a black scarf, mesh tights, brown plaid skirt and knee high dark brown heeled boots and a coat, and you were not going to a party, but to an interview with the handsome and well respected Dr. Christopher Bahng.

Bahng was about to be praised for his long career at the university hospital, for his contribution to society with his own clinic and helping students, mostly medical students, who were fascinated by Bahng’s merits and blinded by their fanaticism and admiration, being carried away by rumors that the guy himself was a medical legend, they suddenly became curious about his life and career, to which they suggested an interview about his professional life as a doctor and specialist. And, mysteriously among the uncertainty there you came in, you were not a medical student, you were in your third year of your nursing degree and saw Dr. Bahng on very few occasions while rotating through your shifts at the hospital, so the offer still remains a mystery to you, why you?

You had absolutely no idea what your colleagues at your faculty newspaper were talking about one afternoon when you walked into the room and there was a loud commotion and uproar, that Bahng had agreed to an interview, but asked that it be specifically done by you. It was an afternoon, when you were about to write and share information obtained from a small unimportant paper you would do, but one of your friends, Yang Jeongin took the courage to approach you and be the first to give you the news.

“Dr. Bahng chose you to do an interview with him for the commemoration of his long professional career at the hospital. You have to be the best, you practically have half the medical school all over you, well at least the annoying students working on his paper who came confused to break the news.”

Bahng was a legend and a mystery. He was handsome and charismatic but you couldn’t find a single social media or photo of him on the internet beyond his LinkedIn. There were pictures of him hanging out with more doctors posted by the faculty, pictures of him looking uncomfortable and always all the way in the background or on the sidelines as if he was out of commitment, pictures of him receiving accolades with a fake smile and medical school articles mentioning him, but nothing else about him. You knew that because you researched him a bit before talking to him as you were terrified to go with a blank mind, from just knowing he was an obstetrics doctor, at first you dug into his professional life which you could find information about, but curiosity got the better of you a bit and you wanted to dig into a more human side of him, wanting to see a picture of him with a friend on the beach, or posting something a thirty-something man would do, a social media or something, but there seemed to be no sign of him.

You rang the doorbell, swaying in place slightly nervously and waiting to be answered, the house was impressive and in a quiet neighborhood away from the busy city center, away from your university and the hospital, Dr. Bahng’s house. Although you had to admit, something about it gave you the creeps, large and well maintained houses that seemed to be inhabited by ghosts, long trees and the blowing of the wind gave you strange sensations.

Dr. Christopher Bahng greeted you with a smile, dressed in casual black clothes, black t-shirt, black jeans, a long chain with a cross and silver bracelets on his wrists.

“Y/n” he said to you, stepping aside to make way for you, “You’re a little early. Come in, please.”

You blushed as you hoped the time wouldn’t be an inconvenience but honestly, it was for you, he was only willing to give the interview at 8pm and although you planned the series of questions and estimated time, it was uncertain exactly what time it might be concluded.

The date and time were problems for you; your friends were upset you missed countless costume parties just to be there. But there you were, the restlessness and curiosity about why he chose you was greater than a lousy college party. You were about to turn down the offer since it meant that you would have to walk back to the university alone and a little late at night, but the medical students begged you to accept it and Jeongin offered to pick you up at night if it was getting late and you felt unsafe to walk back home alone and ask for a ride from an app. You wanted to think that the reason for your appointment time was because he was off work, but that would be a lie, as everyone knew that Christopher Bahng always worked at night.

You walked by his house somewhat blushing, you were there because of something from the university, but it was inevitable not to think about how handsome the mature doctor was.

“Welcome” he spoke again.

“Thank you, nice to meet you, Dr. Bahng.”

“Nice to meet you too” he stared intensely at you, “You can leave your coat here at the entrance if you like. And take off your shoes, sweetheart, nice boots by the way.”

So he knew your name and face. You took off your coat apologetically and hung it on the coat rack but as soon as you did, you felt a chill in the air hitting your body, making you shiver. His house was cold and poorly lit, the lights were warm and dim. To your left were wide stairs and in front of you a wide hallway that led to more rooms. In the distance, you could hear a classical music melody softly.

“Sorry if it’s a little cold” he said, pulling you out of your thoughts, you settled your bag on your shoulder and smiled at him while gesturing with your hands that there was nothing to worry about, “I’ll show you around” he added encouragingly, almost as if he had read your mind that you were thinking about the decoration of his home, “This is the entrance” Chris walked and you followed in step behind him, “Here is a bathroom, feel free to use it whenever you want. Over there is the kitchen, the main dining room and... the main living room where we’ll do the interview so we can be more comfortable.”

You listened to him carefully as he pointed out. His house was huge but it felt lonely and like it lacked some... life. The decor was exquisitely tasteful, modern but without leaving small classic details and made the illusion of antique elements.

He was a sweet and kind man, you were ready to pay attention to any detail for the writing of the article, at the same time you let yourself be distracted by the attractiveness of his countenance and presence, even so there was something in the atmosphere that made you a little uneasy, you could not calm down at all and you were not nervous, it was a strange feeling that you did not know the reason. Or something strange about it that did not convince you.

Chris took you to his spacious living room, colored in a dark red and the soft melody of classical music came from a record player in the room.

“It’s late. Have you had dinner or would you like something, or something to drink?” he suggested politely.

You looked into his eyes, they were absolutely dark, he was so mesmerizing that you lost yourself for small moments.

“I’m fine, thank you Dr. Bahng.”

“Please call me Chris. I seriously love what I do” he brought a hand to his chest, “But people calling me Dr. all the time is exhausting.”

“I thought that’s what they liked to hear, after all they studied and went a long way to be able to call themselves that” you commented, more confidently, wanting to let go of the shyness in your body, seeing his effort to keep the atmosphere from becoming awkward.

He smiled and stared at you. Wow it had been a very very long road for Chris and you had no idea.

“To me it feels like people have been calling me that for over two hundred years. You seriously don’t want anything? I have fresh pomegranate juice.”

His comment confused you a bit and you caught his subtle change of subject.

“Juice is fine.”

He smiled narrowing his slitted, pretty eyes.

“Okay, make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back. Do you want to do it at the table or on the couch?”

He was asking too many questions, you thought. You looked around the room, the ideal and professional would be the table, but the option of the couch and being able to more thoroughly capture everything about him seemed like a better idea.

“I’ll be on the couch, thank you.”

You couldn’t help but feel curious and probe with your eyes every tiny detail of the room, yes it was cold, you were so curious about Chris, but you had to keep a professional barrier, plus he was older and a superior to you. You couldn’t believe that a man like him was alone, he should have some partner out there.

You sat on the couch as you began to set up your stuff and audio and recording equipment, your notebook and pen to take notes, your cell phone in Do Not Disturb mode with the series of questions and before long Chris came over to you, with two glasses of a bright dark red juice, he set them down on the little table in front of you and turned off the record player.

“Thank you” you whispered to him, taking the glass shyly as you took a sip.

Chris smiled and sat down, approaching you and intimidating you with his gaze for the first time that night.

“Are you okay in there? Can you write well?” he asked without taking his eyes off you, raising his straight eyebrows as he stretched out his arm to take the glass and drink.

“Yes, thank you, Chris.”

He smiled again letting out a breath.

“Well” you said again, “Once the interview starts I have to refer to you all the time as Dr, is that okay”

“I understand, absolutely” he crooned softly and attractively, finding you tender when you spoke to him formally.

You admired his manly features and pale face for a second, letting your instincts take over, thinking that having him must be a dream. Chris widened his smile, almost blushing as if he had heard something funny.

“Ready?” you asked, awkwardly breaking the silence, his gaze on you felt heavy.

Your finger was already on the button of your recorder, positioned in the middle of you, when Chris said:

“Can I see your questions?”

“Oh, you didn’t get them?” you replied somewhat worried.

“Maybe I forgot to check the e-mail” he replied calmly.

You sketched a smile as you nodded softly and handed him your phone, he held it between his large hand and read the questions and handed it back to you with a disapproving grimace, worrying you a little more.

“Mmm... I can modify them, we can make this interview better.”

Your body heated up in embarrassment as you couldn’t believe he was doing that to you at the last minute. Those medicine fuckers, you thought, as you didn’t participate in the making of the questions.

“I mean I’ll give you something much better” he added.

You didn’t answer him for a moment but thought that you would see what to do later for it, that at the end of the day, it was you doing a favor by being there next to him at night.

“I want to answer to you, not the snooty med guys. Maybe we can do that later but… what are you thinking” he watched you closely.

Chris leaned his arm on the back of the couch and settled his body pointing in your direction, with a smug smile on his face using a serious tone, you felt his intensity. You only got more confused and thought, what? why would it matter what you thought? what was he trying to say?

“Because I’m interested in you. You come in here with the question of why I chose you, you want to know?” Chris said again, almost scaring you that he was answering what you were thinking.

Either he was fucking smart enough to read people easily and deduce obvious thoughts or there was something about him that was making you uneasy. You took a small sigh, you felt hopelessly attracted to him, dizzy, as if seeing his dark eyes was hypnotizing you, you quickly averted your gaze, scared thinking about what the fuck was going on, you saw the glass of juice, had he put something in it? That’s what you get for accepting drinks from an unknown man…

“It’s just juice” he answered, “You’re not feeling well?” he replied.

You looked at him again confused and slowly regained your composure.

“Why me?” you said, almost in a whisper, he raised his eyebrows waiting to hear more from you, “Why would I interview you at your home, specifically me, I have never interacted with you or been in the same area of the hospital working, besides, I’m just a nurse student.”

You had so many questions that you couldn’t deduce an answer to, you were curious and it made Chris grin from ear to ear. If only you knew, and you were about to, however, Chris just covered up the truth a little.

“You have such a genuine and kind gaze about you, never in the long years I’ve lived in this place have I ever seen a woman like you. You are so human, you are the one who takes care of the patients’ sleep when the doctors are away. I saw you that time when you were on shift at night… I asked your name, something about you never left my mind since then. I wanted to hold you close, to know you.”

And it was true, it was innocence to one of the questions your colleague asked you when Chris overheard the conversation, he turned to see you slyly and you captivated his attention, it was as if he had developed a new sensory ability that revolved around you. That night you left at 4 a.m. from that shift at the hospital, you were covering hours for an occasion you couldn’t attend, Chris lurked in the dark behind your back, making sure you arrived safely.

You understood half the things he said to you, didn’t know whether to take it as a confession, whether to blush, whether he was saying he liked you, you didn’t want to jump to conclusions, you didn’t even think you looked cute in your baggy clinic clothes, you didn’t know what he was talking about. Chris knew how overwhelming it all suddenly seemed to you, so he continued.

“And suddenly I saw, you have this presence about you of being someone to trust, someone who knows how to keep secrets. So I’ll tell you everything, things that people who know about this are dead. I’ll give you a better interview.”

You felt a shiver. Confusion and genuine curiosity in your bright eyes as your breath was cut off at his masculine, domineering presence and wordplay that felt like riddles. For Chris, he didn’t need any more facts about you, he knew absolutely everything. Digging into your little more than twenty years of life was not a difficult task for him, compared to his long journey. There was only one thing he needed and wanted and that was to have you, to breathe your scent, to listen to you and to look into your eyes. He was obsessed, so in his madness he wanted to confess you something that only 1 person “alive” in this world knew. By sharing his secret with you, he hoped to be united with you for eternity.

“What is it about?” you asked with uncertainty in your voice.

The innocence in your gaze filled Chris completely and he smiled smugly, pressing his long index finger on the button of your voice recorder, you became engrossed in the pallor of his strong arm, almost transparent leaving his notorious veins visible, until he spoke and you stared at him.

“My name is Christopher Chan Bahng, I was born on October 3rd, 1797 in Seoul, South Korea. My father was Korean and my mother was French, they met when my mother escaped the country shortly after the French Revolution, her whole family went their separate ways and her ship stopped in the lands of East Asia, she met my father, a merchant fond of the folk healing medicine of the time and I was born, the eldest of three children. I had a beautiful sister and brother, whom I adored with my soul until their last breaths, both died old and happy. And I-, well, I’m still here, right?”

You looked at him puzzled, skeptical, wondering if this was a joke, 1797, French revolution, what the fuck was he talking about? You wanted to start looking around for cameras because you thought it was a fucking joke.

“I had a good childhood, everything was fine until I turned thirteen and my mother had to go back to France because her sister got sick and she was the only family she had, she didn’t hear from her parents two years after she moved to Korea, so she took me and my siblings, leaving my father behind. It was in Paris in 1810 when the curiosity and passion for medicine was born in me, I had seen it a little bit with my father but things in Europe were so different. All the people lived sick, and died young. Conflicts left in their wake an unbelievable amount of disease. I traveled around Europe, learned languages and studied medicine in France, but female anatomy was my particular interest, they were such enigmatic, intelligent beings but my passion leaned more towards obstetrics, it was amazing that because of women humanity kept growing and growing and the world looked down on it. I loved to see and receive a new life… most of the time I was dedicated as an obstetric doctor for women of important families, so carrying the little one in my arms I could deduce that they would have a good life, good, for that time, but I always loved to help, I would visit the French village in search of poor pregnant women and I would do my best to preserve the life of both. Life was always for me… something so precious because back then every day was a new challenge, public executions, dying at sea and never being found when traveling, an infection or disease from an unknown agent that could lead to your death, the bad habits people used to have, the types of beliefs, life back then was ephemeral and a ticking time bomb.”

You listened to him attentively, lost in the details, you didn’t know if it was a joke or a story but… you were slowly falling for it, Chris was telling everything with emotion, with his hands moving and his look… as if he was genuinely remembering his past.

“On the other hand, my siblings made their lives, my sister got married at 20, she was a pianist and singer and went to live in Great Britain. My brother was a respected judge and married at 25 and I... was truly immersed in medicine, I never stopped to think about love, about wanting to marry and live with a traditional family, I was lost in study and in the discovery and advancement of medicine, until shortly before I turned 28, in 1825, my mother became ill with cholera and died. I was devastated, I became obsessed to the point of wanting to study more and more, I studied with some colleagues but I couldn’t stand it and the following year I escaped to Korea again in search of my father, to see if he was well, gosh, it was so extreme the way you had to reach out to someone. I arrived in Seoul the winter of 1826, I was lucky enough to find my father and we had a close relationship again. I went back to work as a doctor, I was a little bit popular as it was so fascinating for the pregnant women of the time, a doctor from Europe and... the following spring I met the love of my life, a popular midwife in town, we met doing our work and I fell deeply in love, by the fall I turned thirty I was marrying Lim Sohee.”

Chris paused for a second and silence fell, as if mentioning that name had overwhelmed him. And it had, it was touching deep down inside him, he hadn’t mentioned he... since so many years ago. You were engrossed, studying his demeanor and listening to the story... if it was a joke, how come he could tell it so well, you were in your mind visualizing every single thing, letting yourself be carried away by whatever he was telling you.

“I really thought I would have it all in Seoul, when I met Sohee I knew I wanted a family, that I wanted to take care of another life, having children and adoring them forever... but she could never conceive. She was infertile. We had a bad time trying, but she was getting sadder and sadder as it was what we both did and she couldn’t have ours. At that time I... was so desperate to know which of us was the main cause so I did something I will never forgive myself for, I impregnated a young, virginal woman from an important family... and the consequences were inevitable, I had my first daughter, identical to me, with my mother’s eyes. Bahng Chanmi was born on April 13th, 1830. I was happy because my dream was to have children, but devastated at the same time. Chanmi’s mother’s family, Insook, found out and for a moment I thought I was going to be executed as I was a married man, but they forced me to leave Soohe and marry Insook instead” Chris cleared his throat as if that was hard to speak, “Sohee couldn’t believe it, she left me and ran away to Japan leaving me heartbroken. I never saw her again and I never thought I would ever be able to love another woman again other than my own daughter, but I felt she took everything from me... until I...” Chris paused again to look at you carefully but continued, “I lost myself again, I didn’t love Insook, but I wanted to be a good father to Chanmi, so I was there for her. Two years after Chanmi was born, my father died, I endured two more years in Seoul and in 1834 I arrived with Insook and Chanmi in Sydney. I loved it here from the first moment I set foot in... but I was still disoriented, I was a mess, I felt that everyone around me was leaving me, I was only there for my daughter, I was passionate about nothing else, I fell into a bad habit of going to parties and taking refuge in alcohol and it was just one day after my 37th birthday when I immortalized that number in me. On October 4th, 1834 at about 3 a.m. in the harbor area of Sydney, a creature creeping in the night lured me with his voice and words, I was drunk, with no mind at all... and it was that night that he made me into what I am now” a new pause, “A vampire.”

You didn’t expect that, in fact you didn’t know what you expected in all that talk... but a vampire explained why he talked about himself living since the 19th century... but a vampire, it was illogical. There was no such thing, still, you again felt a chill and an uneasiness in his gaze. You didn’t want to be intimidated by that... it must be a joke, a scary story.

Christopher remembered it as if it were yesterday, the sleek, slender shadow of a delicate blond man approaching a helpless, drunken, heartbroken doctor. His face was angelic, but his demonic voice and intentions of a cold, murderous beast were even worse.

“I have seen you for a long time Dr. Christopher Bahng, saving lives to the good people in Sydney, doing god’s work... but... I see nothing but hell in you, you are unhappy, don’t you want some remedy?”

His voice was rough, thick, and his tone of voice playful. Chris remembers being dizzy, still seeing his silhouette and face. A young man, beautiful with freckles, long blond hair, wide dark eyes, and pale skin. Chris thought he was dreaming... or to have arrived in heaven, although if that’s what heaven was all about, why did he feel so ill.

Chris watched him in confusion, the cold sea air shivering his body with chill. The man was dressed in black and there was something in his gaze that unsettled every inch of Chris.

The blond huffed out a chuckle.

“I’m going to disappear everything from you... I’ll be your cure.”

“How?” was all a desperate Chris could say.

“All it takes... it’s just a little taste... of your blood.”

The next thing Chris felt was two strong stabs on his neck, the slender boy took his body, biting his neck, sucking and tasting every part of him. Chris whimpered and panted loudly, he felt mutilated, it was worse than the feeling of a scalpel on his skin and the sensation spread through his body, Chris struggled and fought, but surprisingly the thin boy was much stronger than him. Then he fell weak and unconscious, he knew nothing, until dawn when workers shook his body vigorously trying to wake him up near the harbor. But Chris felt different and the sunrise was slowly burning down his skin.

“Felix Lee was the name of the man... vampire who turned me. Felix was an attractive man, he had a unique beauty that mesmerized anyone, his appearance was so innocent which is why people fell for his tricks so quickly, Felix loved the game of seduction, cat and mouse, he would lure both men and women and then kill them leaving them without a drop of blood...”

You looked at him skeptically, his story was making less and less sense to you, Chris stopped instantly knowing what you were thinking.

“I know I know” he chuckled, “A vampire is kind of... crazy, with all the fiction these days, the movies and the marketing but... Party trick, check this out” Chris said amused.

Suddenly, he showed you his teeth, a normal set of teeth until you watched as in a millisecond his fangs lengthened, becoming sharp typical fangs... vampire fangs. You were scared, you didn’t want to believe it, it was impossible. His teeth went back to normal.

"There’s no reason to take the family photos, you wouldn’t believe it, photoshop makes those wonders and old-fashioned stuff out of my medicine materials? People sell it on ebay all the time... how come I can prove it to you?”

“A vampire?” you said in fright, interrupting him, “Really... it’s not a joke...?”

“Sadly no. I’ve been 37 for 190 years.”

You laughed in disbelief, you were beginning to believe... but your mind betrayed you, freaking you out and thinking that maybe this was a killer, a psychopath who likes blood, one of those obsessed weirdo types and perhaps the idea entered his head like internet psycho...? Chris laughed.

“I’m not some weirdo who obsesses over something he sees on the internet, not some random killer either” he commented.

You freaked out and went back to see him... how did he....

“How do I know what you think? I can read minds a little bit” he answered amused.

You denied, you were so scared to visualize anything else... that your mind betrayed you and you thought of Twilight’s movie.

“Twilight, really? Give me something more believable to tell you.”

You widened your eyes in fright, your breathing was getting uneven and you thought about calling Jeongin, that it was enough trick or treat and you had to go home.

“Jeongin... he’s not your boyfriend, is he? I didn’t expect you to want to leave so soon.”

“How do you know all that? Can you stop?”

“I’m sorry, it’s your privacy, I understand,” he apologized, “I don’t want to scare you.”

Chris didn’t know what your reaction might be, that was one of the only things he couldn’t control, but something in him was irrevocably drawn to you and the strength of that desire for you was so strong and hard to handle. It was... as if all his years of discipline, long decades of controlling his hunger and bestial lust were in vain, in the end, he fell for a young and simple human.

He was exactly scaring you... if you believed him... what was the point of telling you.

“I’m not going to hurt you either” he replied.

“How?” you told him more calmly after seeing his soft and worried expression, something in you couldn’t distrust him, “It’s so unreal...”

He sighed.

“It’s one of the questions I’ve asked myself for over a hundred years, but it wasn’t my fault, I didn’t ask to be, I cherished life but I didn’t ask to live for eternity, Felix turned me...”

You looked him in the eyes, “And what happened to Felix?” you interrupted him.

“After he turned me... I didn’t know what was happening to me, I had those two marks on my neck, the sun was burning my body and I had a ravenous hunger that wouldn’t be filled with food. And it was something I couldn’t control even being near Insook or Chanmi, I thought I was becoming mentally ill and wanted to murder them. I walked away from them and wandered around feeling weak and sick, I thought I would die alone. I was locked in my office, receiving no one until a young woman knocked on my door at night, worried about her dead sister’s baby whom she was now caring for, but I couldn’t, the smell of blood was killing me. The child had a fever and I did everything I could, I cured him by telling her that she should leave as soon as possible and to keep me updated if the fever went down and she insisted on thanking me, with the baby resting in a crib, I could not take it anymore and drank the poor girl’s blood and she fell, weak in my arms and I thought I had killed her, I was terrified, I acted on impulse and from there I knew I had become a monster. I didn’t know what to do... but I felt so good, so alive and strong. I took care of the child and left the woman’s body in the office, but she woke up the next day leaving me terrified, all this was defying every part of my being studied by science, I did not know how to control it and I also turned her. Felix showed up one night, congratulating me for my first blood tasting, I wanted to beat him to death, I asked him what I had become and he laughed and told me... a vampire. In the end it was chaos, Felix fell madly in love with the young girl I had turned and convinced me to go and live with them and the baby, as he said... we were the only monsters in Sydney. Felix would kill, but he never turned anyone. He was turned by an English guy who came back to Europe when Felix was innocently looking for some sex. He was obsessed with me as soon as he saw me... but once Adeline came along, the girl I converted, she truly became the love of Felix’s life.”

The distance between you and Chris was getting shorter, you listened carefully to his every word that came out with emotion, more than his old story, this time it was getting serious and you could see it in every part of it.

“Felix became so obsessed because she was a young, virginal woman, bragging that taking her blood was the reason it would satisfy my lust for quite a while. I lived with them but was still caring for and raising Chanmi. They both raised Adeline’s nephew and had the crazy idea of turning him when he was older. They were a mess together, I tried to convince them not to kill, and I fed myself on fake blood donation schemes I made up... but Felix and Adeline had a killer and predator instinct, they loved to catch people and rejoice in their pain and cries. After 10 years of living with them, my little Chanmi couldn’t understand why her mother was getting older and her father looked just like how she remembered him as a child. I made excuses and when she turned 20 I explained to her... Everything was fine, I lived with them because I was obsessed, they were my objects of study, I wanted to know the anatomy of a vampire and how anything worked, but impossible not to be captivated by them and their dirty little games” Chris grimaced, remembering his weak moments when lust would take over his instincts and he would have sex with both of them, “but Adeline had a secret, she was in love with me and not Felix, she confessed it to me after living 15 years with them and in her madness she believed it was Felix who came between us so, one evening in June 1849, Adeline killed Felix, giving him dead people’s blood, making him weak and confused, then stabbed his heart and set the house on fire...”

Chris looked you in the eye as you imagined each graphic scene. At least Chris believed Felix was dead however no body was ever found... although he wondered if it was even possible to come across a vampire body since the house wasn’t completely ruined, they got to cease-fire in time but found nothing.

“Then I did something I’m not proud of” you saw him attentively, “Adeline threatened to hurt Insook and Chanmi if I didn’t stay with her, that she would tell everyone what kind of creatures we are... the next thing I did was to capture her and keep her kidnapped for a week without human blood contact, she was going crazy and her hunger was a thousand times bigger than a romance, she promised to stay away from me if I released her, I did it and never saw her again...”

You worried, thinking that she may be seeking revenge to which Chris smiled, unable to help but read your mind and find it tender that you cared.

You had so many questions as soon as the silence formed... so many but so many questions but you just said:

“So what happened next?”

“Well, I stayed away from practicing medicine for periods because it was so suspicious that I was supposed to be 60 and I looked 30. My life became miserable as soon as Chanmi died at 85. I got to see her two children grow up, but she knew them well enough that she realized if she told them that their grandfather was a vampire they would expose me so my secret went along with her... I occasionally see everyone to make sure my family tree is still there. But the Bahng family name has been lost. I went back to Europe with a new identity, I went back to Asia and back to Australia again, I was just doing that to fill the void, I couldn’t die, and I wasn’t sure how a vampire could die, I also didn’t want to die terribly or in the horrible way Adeline did to Felix; I wanted a normal life, I wanted to grow old, to have children, I always wanted more children, to see them grow up and take them to play...”

You grimaced, analyzing the anguish in his tone as he confessed something that seemed like a dashed dream, you wondered for a second if he could still have children.

“Of course I still can” he replied looking you straight in the eye, making you feel inferior because it was hard to believe he could read your mind, “Physically I’m thirty years old forever, mentally, well... I must have died over 100 years ago” he let out a chuckle.

“And you stayed in Sydney, why? I thought you couldn’t stand the sun,” you said.

You wanted to avoid thinking about him, his closeness, his physical attractiveness, and his serious emotional tone of voice when saying something, as you knew he was going to know what you were thinking about.

“I can do it, for a short time and under a lot of protection, I love the beach, I adore seeing it even if I look like a lunatic covered from head to toe” he laughed again, “I finally stayed in Australia in the early 20th century and it wasn’t until the 80’s that I met someone like me... another vampire who was stalking me for years without me knowing it, Kim Seungmin, the director of the hospital, since then we have a pact, he has taken care of absolutely everything and keeps me in practice, I disappear for a while, then go back to my work, but lately people have been so curious to know what I do, the last identity I had is that I was born in 1987, I think I can work 10 more years, then I’ll step away for another few years until I can reappear, but you young people today, it’s hard to hide identities since you know everything, you’re suspicious of the slightest thing just because I don’t even have a damn instagram. Being a vampire is miserable.”

You opened your eyes in surprise to discover that there was more than one near you, or at least in the same city.

He stared at you again, piercing you with his gaze, “I led a strict lifestyle with discipline, I stopped drinking blood and did so only at Seungmin’s clandestine meetings when he gave it to me. Sometimes I only stayed alive out of curiosity at some point... if I could ever feel anything else, if I could ever let myself feel empty, or if I was doomed for eternity. Now I want to answer all the questions you have, you are free to know everything.”

His face slightly close to yours made you nervous, his gaze carried something you had never seen in someone before. Suddenly you forgot every single one of your questions, from the most serious and sensible to the silliest, you were absolutely unfocused and could only think about how your breath was going away at that enigmatic attraction you felt, it didn’t feel like any normal attraction, but it genuinely felt like something of yours, not something he was making into you. Your intrusive thoughts won out, you wanted to kiss him, you wanted to do it from the second you saw him, and you wanted a little adventure being alone at night, but the small thought of a simple make-out turned dark.

And Christopher could know every single scene that crossed your mind, once again you made him feel different, you made him feel full of energy without the need to taste your blood, he was no longer a soulless creature that had been living in darkness for almost 200 years, he had a desire towards you as any other human could feel but in him, it was a thousand times more intense, he gathered all the energy for the long years he never managed to get it.

He wasn’t sure whether to fulfill your thoughts but he couldn’t resist it any longer, he wanted to have you like he had never felt before and every second he didn’t touch you was overwhelming, he might die if he didn’t.

Your heart pounded as Chris put a big, cold hand on your face. He could smell and feel in every inch of himself your alive, human, blood-pumping body. His lust turned to a dark desire to taste you, an uncontrollable desire to fill your body with pleasure and fill himself with something more intense than a drug, your sweet, thick blood.

“And even after all these fucking years of the same hell... nothing compares to what you make me feel. You drive me crazy. This is something new, after 190 years of study and discipline... that fucked off as soon as I saw you.”

Once again his intimidating, deep gaze fixed on you, Chris brought his hand to your other cheek and held your face, analyzing it, as if it was something so unfamiliar to him... you watched him and let him touch you, almost quivering in shivering, between excitement at the tense atmosphere and uncertainty at the constant mystery he had you trapped in. Bahng breathed deeply, filling himself with your scent and enjoying the feel of your smooth young skin in his icy hands. He moved closer to you, pushing your voice recorder to the floor and you placed your hands over his to feel his long, slender fingers, his protruding veins... vampire or doctor, human, your body was uncontrollably begging for Christopher Bahng.

Finally, he kissed you, his masculine, cold nose touching your face to join your lips deeply and passionately with a hunger that never seemed to cease. It felt so good to be kissed and taken by a man, between his big hands that one of them went down to your neck causing you to shiver every time he had contact with your skin, but for Chris who has lived in coldness for an exaggerated amount of time, having you close and touching you was like discovering warmth for the first time. His lips were soft and plump and his movements delicate but passionate. So far arousal for him had been so normal, an idea that occasionally crossed his mind and he would seek some sex to distract himself and he enjoyed it and liked to do it... but right now with you, it was different, it was a colossal desire to have you, and his desperate touches reflected it.

He lowered his hands to your waist and slowly drew you into his body, until he was carrying you lightly with ease and placing you on his lap. You felt him, felt the firmness of his crotch press exquisitely against your cunt. Chris stroked down your body, stroked your hair in desperate acts as he longed to feel your bare skin, and kept playing with his mouth, lips, and tongue on you until you were breathless and just as you were about to part from him slowly, he found a way to bite down hard on your lower lip, making you moan softly and causing you to slightly expel blood from it; Chris smiled and licked your lip, playfully tasting your blood, as it wasn’t exactly from that source that he could fully satisfy himself.

You both looked at each other expectantly with ragged breaths; Chris acted desperate and took off your sweater, admiring your silhouette to take off your bra, you felt the cold of the room on your body making your nipples hard, you were nervous and stunned at the speed in which things were happening but you let yourself go again as you felt his big hands squeeze and caress your breasts while his fleshy lips went to your neck, kissing it and leaving hickeys that made you moan in pleasure, your center was so needy, throbbing desperately like your heart, it was adrenaline with excitement, it was such an addictive feeling so you began to move gently over his erection, making you both hotter and getting Chris’ rough, sexy short moans on your skin in response.

Chris kept caressing your breasts and squeezed your nipples, adapting to every sensation of his skin against yours, guarding in detail every sound you made and the action of your body every time he touched you. This time he was putting all his will into not letting his bestial side win, but he inhaled the scent of your neck and watched your skin tingle... he wanted to taste you, to drink you, and the idea made his hard erection throb, he had never felt sexual pleasure from biting someone, the action itself conveyed the sensation of intense orgasms together without the need for his genitals to react but right now he was being a mess, he had no control of his body, his cock was alive, hard and present for every inch of you... and the curiosity for your taste was driving him to madness.

“Baby girl I want to taste you... I want you to make me feel so full” he whispered, still torn whether to do it or not.

You stopped moving, and every hair on your skin bristled, you knew exactly what it meant, you leaned back on his shoulders and his hands caressed your waist and back, suddenly you felt the sharp edge of his fangs caress your skin. Slight fear and uneasiness came over your body, and your heart skipped a beat... if you let him do it, where would he do it? To what part of your skin does he get to pierce his fangs? Does it get into a vein? You can bleed to death...? And if it’s something he does, seduce young people and then drink their blood? Will you die tonight?

“Your pretty mind is full of questions...” he said again, his voice full of lust as he tightened his grip on your waist, “You’re a nurse, you shouldn’t be afraid of a little pain and light pinching...”

You let out a gut-wrenching scream, filling Chris’ every sense, he did it, he couldn’t control it and tasted you. He knew it hurt like hell, that only a sick fucker turned on by someone else’s pain could enjoy it and that was him, right now, what he wanted so badly to evade in his younger years in such cruel times.

You dug your hands in and slapped his shoulders, struggling to get away from him, crying as you felt two stab wounds dig in and penetrate your neck beyond your muscle, you wanted him to stop, you were feeling the suction of your blood, it was a new and uncomfortable feeling; for Chris it was heaven itself, 60 seconds in paradise tasting your thick and delicious blood that he had fantasized about for so long, the one that made you so unique, that flowed into your being and carried in it secrets of who you came from. Your blood filled him completely and as soon as he tasted it he knew it was pure and virginal blood. It drove him absolutely insane. And for you, it was hell, 60 seconds of sharp, agonizing pain.

His fangs pierced deep into you, every second was eternal but you felt that no matter how hard you fought it was in vain, you began to feel weak, to stop whimpering loudly and your vision began to blur, you were terrified but weak, you didn’t want this to be your final day.

On the other hand, Chris was holding you tightly by the waist until he left marks on your skin, he couldn’t stop, he had never tasted anything like this, he was obsessed, but he couldn’t prolong your pain any longer so he stopped.

His face turned away from your neck and he stared at you. You could see his smug smile and his lips and long fangs tinged with a thick dark red, which he licked, reveling in every last drop. You reacted again, frightened, your heart wanting to burst out of your chest, you brought your hands trembling with pain and horror to your neck and the wounded area, your neck hurt but it was a tolerable pain of discomfort, you felt the area, terrified to find yourself bleeding out but there was nothing, more than a few small drops of blood that stained your fingers and the sensation of the marks of two circular bites.

“No... I’m not bleeding... why?” you said in terror, feeling uncomfortable at the sensation of his marks as you palpated them.

“You forget I’m a surgeon too and that I’ve been a doctor for almost two hundred years, I made the perfect incision for you, pretty girl” he spoke in an arrogant tone, grabbing your trembling hand with your index and middle fingers enveloped in little blood and licked them playfully.

“I loved tasting your blood, now I’ll love tasting some more.”

Chris moved your body nimbly, sitting you on the couch as he bent down slightly, looking deeply at you again making you shudder, your fear slowly lowered, your body was racing, and you didn’t know if you were alive or dead but the sensations were so real. You felt you shouldn't have gotten aroused, but you did, his big hands tugged your skirt down until it was pulled off, and he spread your legs apart and got down on his knees in front of your center covered by your wet panties and fishnet stockings.

“Let me make you feel good. Is that okay?”

His tone of voice was sensual and captivating, his hands squeezed and massaged your thighs without touching your pussy. You didn’t understand how you went from fearing for your life to being once again with a fierce sexual appetite. You bit your lip to hold back your moan. You were alive. He was a vampire and you were both suddenly looking for sex on that cold and lonely night. You held back a moan and nodded, embarrassed to respond.

Chris drew a mischievous half smile on his face, observing and admiring every detail of your confused and aroused pretty and delicate face, your cheeks red and shiny from your previously shed tears of pain and finally he finely caressed with his fingers the length of your pussy getting as a response a moan and the soft twitching of your body. He pulled off your stockings desperately almost tearing them and pulled the fabric of your panties aside to admire your glistening pussy wrapped in your arousal, he let out an incredulous chuckle, now he was the skeptic that he could finally have you, that you had him trapped and feeling like he never had in 227 years on earth that most seemed like hell to him, until he met you, make today the day he could have you and kissed your lips; and the idea that you were a sweet young virgin woman went to his head, he wanted to make you feel so good, he wanted you to enjoy yourself like never if another boy never did, he wanted to treat you like the delicate girl you were, but also his inhuman pleasure wanted to take your body and feel your insides hard.

“Look at you, you’re beautiful.”

He was mesmerized, sweetly overwhelmed, poisoned and obsessed. He never wanted to let you go. He wanted you to be his, to leave a mark on you that would remind the world that you belonged to him, that he was the lucky one who put his hands, eyes and heart on you.

Chris brought his lips close to your clit, sucking it gently, you were again weak but with pleasure at the same time full of energy, your body was restless mind anxious for everything he could do to you, you could think of nothing else but him and you now in that room surrendered to desire.

Chris began to lick you, pulling away the fabric of your panties with one hand and with the other caressing every area that his mouth could not reach to coat, you moaned, his mouth was also cool to your warm core, it was feeling so good, Chris was hard at the thought of your innocence, of the light fabric that kept him from having you completely naked, that you were just beginning to live, that a few seconds ago you were crying in pain and now you were biting your lip holding back your gasps.

He began to stimulate you, licking your vulva, entwining his tongue in your labia, caressing your clit, pulling back the fabric of your panties, and stroking you over it to play with you and moisten it further, teasing your entrance. You stirred in place, restless and excited, forgetting the pain in your neck and shyly stroking his soft, slightly wavy dark hair. You were so aroused, every inch of you wrapped in fire.

Chris finally removed your panties as he saw you flustered and aroused, enjoying every second of caressing your legs on the spot, and took your pussy again with more desperation, he stopped his slow gentle play and began to eat you roughly but his movements were nimble and pleasurable. His face was buried in your core with his long fingers touching absolutely everything about you and when you least expected it, two of his digits inserted deep inside you, fucking you in a rapid pace.

You watched him the whole time, Chris occasionally gasped into your pussy genuinely happy to taste you, he was engrossed in you, wrapped in pleasure as he heard your moans and felt your body tremble. Chris raised his arm to reach up to caress your abdomen and breasts, he wanted to miss absolutely nothing about you that night he had you. You were on the verge of collapse and he knew it, he looked up as he went back to sucking your clit, he made eye contact with you, his dark eyes watching you fade before him and play with pleasure, you gasped releasing the tension in your lower abdomen, pushing out an intense orgasm that delighted Chris more than thousands of liters of unknown people’s blood could along his vampiric trajectory. Your sweet orgasm juice was something new that he could die from if he didn’t consume it, he discovered his new antidote for eternity.

You were agitated but inside you knew this wasn’t over yet. Chris savored your orgasm and felt impatient, he knew you couldn’t wear two marks on your neck proudly... or maybe you could, with how crazy he thought it was nowadays, but he was past his craziest moment, now he wanted to do to you what any human in a situation like you both were in would do, he was going to forever attach himself to you, he was going to enjoy every second of being inside you and being the first one to do it.

“Fuck, I can take it anymore, you will be mine forever.”

You watched as Chris stood up as he licked his lips covered in your glistening liquid, and took off his shirt in one swift movement because he wanted to feel your ragged breathing on his chest and the pounding of your heart attached to it and stripped completely naked removing his remaining clothes. You didn’t know you were really expected to lose your virginity that night let alone with Dr. Bahng... who confirmed you to be a vampire. You saw his face and pale, muscular naked body without any marks or scratches with nervousness and excitement, feeling your center moisten at the sight of his large erect cock. He moved closer to you, with a lurking gaze and kissed you again, playing with your tongue and your body trembled at the sudden sensation of his cock rubbing between your vulva and being wrapped around your labia.

“Ah, fuck, I’ll make you mine now, baby girl” he gasped in exasperation.

Chris couldn’t resist the softness of your folds teasing his cock so he slowly delved into your entrance, making you whimper as he hurt you again and opened up another part of you. But you enjoyed it, this time the pain was purely pleasurable and the scene of his large, wide cock opening your entrance was so obese and graphic. Chris moaned in pleasure with your walls choking his rigid member deep inside you. You saw the slight bulge in your belly form in your lower abdomen one last time as Chris carried your weak and excited body, making you wrap your legs around his body, he grabbed your ass and began to control your body raising and lowering it to his desire as he enjoyed your insides being sweetly ravaged. You whimpered again feeling so full but sore, you hugged him, pressing your bare chest to his. Chris moved your body with ease and at his mercy, babbling and moaning absolutely lost in the sexy sensation of finally having you, sliding his cock into your newly-used entrance, feeding himself on your soft whimpers. Chris felt full again, as alive as he hadn’t been for long, overwhelming years, your fluids combining with his, sliding along his cock and falling towards the floor gracefully, being a mess of passion that cold night. Chris fantasized about filling every part of you with his cum, the risk of the frantic sex you were having was taking him to the clouds, for the first time he had his experience close to heaven.

You felt your orgasm close, you were on the edge, it felt so good you wanted to arch your back, you parted from him, restless and agitated, throwing your head back enjoying the sweet pace it was to have him deep in you tickling and pounding deep inside you. Chris raised his eyebrows, ecstatic seeing your borderline expression, closing your eyes and throwing your head back panting softly, he stroked your neck at first, running his thumbs over the fang marks on your neck, thinking that lust had won in your body, with the amount he sucked you must have felt dizzy and passed out... but there you were bouncing on his cock, about to have your second orgasm and without thinking about it, again something took over him, to have absolute control of everything about you, to have you on the edge of absolutely every single thing you did, Chris grabbed your neck hard, causing you a sharp pain as he pressed tightly on your still sensitive injured area and started to cut off your breath, choking you and still moving your body with ease on his cock. You looked at him, his expression was soft, his eyes dark, but his actions were brutal, abusing your entrance, cutting off your breath and hurting you more where he had previously done so... the pain was grinding in your neck, which made you let out a tear, the pain in your sensitive pussy burned and throbbed, but you couldn’t help but continue to experience an irremediable pleasure, your pumping system seeking release, fighting against what to control first, you whimpered, his grip on your neck growing tighter and tighter, you pinned back into his strong shoulders, whimpered chokingly, finally collapsing in an orgasm that weakened every one of your limbs. And in the midst of your orgasm Chris cum inside you, fantasizing about the idea that you might be the sweet, tender woman who could carry on the Bahng name after so many years.

He let go of your neck gradually, letting you take a breath of air. Chris pulled out of you, leaving you surrendered with the warm sensation of his cum sliding down your entrance. You wanted to cry from the stabbing pain in your body but you were so tired to do so, you were so shaken, worried about the speed of your heartbeat, but you fell back into his strong arms, leaned your cheek on his shoulder and could only whisper:

“Chris I’m tired.”

Your eyelids began to grow heavy, you were feeling sedated and without control of your limbs.

“Oh my sweet girl, of course you are, I drank a good amount of your blood and you continued to have sex” he spoke in an obvious tone, causing him tenderness at your state.

Chris put his forearm behind your knees, carrying you as your legs felt numb. It was a different feeling, you couldn’t quite rationalize and wanted to fall into a deep sleep. He led you to his room, cold like the rest of the house and your vision began to spin. Chris laid you gently on his bed and you caught a glimpse of his window, illuminated by the night and in front of it the silhouette of a slim blond man... you were slowly falling and before falling into an uncontrollable sleep your mind managed to think of that name Chris mentioned, Felix. Chris read your tired mind for one last time before you closed your eyes to sleep.

He opened his eyes, frightened, there was nothing in the world that scared him more than the demonic presence of that blond boy. His distinctive voice echoed throughout the room and Chris saw his slender silhouette emerge from the darkness of the window.

“Christopher Bahng, my long-time friend. I see you finally got some other lady to have fun with... sharing all your little secrets, but did you miss me?”

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦ ꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

𐙚TAGLIST: @rylea08 @hann1bee @iovecb97 @armystay89 @lolareadsimagines @lailac13 @ayyonoona @do-you-remember-summer-127 @wildtokay @korthbum @oddracha @hyune-sssne @velvetmoonlght @shadowhunterathene @compersian @binniesbabe @strayywayy @mallielovssyou @isabel-018 @paborachaslvt

[1nthedarknessofthenight]

﴾ michelin star

pairing: bangchan x f!reader

genre: one-shot, idol au, smut

word count: 7,2K

warnings: oral (f. receiving) ⋆ cunnilingus ⋆ face sitting! ⋆ almost getting caught ⋆ not established!relationship ⋆ thigh!kink (chan is huuungry in this fic)

summary: he’s been ignoring you, only leaving you to wonder what exactly you have done to make him so quiet and one night you just have enough of it as much as he had enough of trying to keep himself away from you

author’s note: so happy for everyone that saw skz in milan and london! (not jealous at all)

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You have noticed it first at the practice room last week. How jumpy he was. Overly sweaty from only warming up before the practice, stretching his arms over his head with a long sigh. You watched him from one of the couches in the room — how he kept wiping the palms of hands over his sweatpants, scrunching the material between his fingers. How he kept running a hand through his messy curls, before putting his baseball hat back on, only to mess up his hair again. His tongue licked at his bottom lip, little chapped, tasting his own sweat that kept running down his forehead, but he didn’t looked thirsty — at least for water.

And you definitely weren’t the only one to notice his unusual behavior. Minho kept a careful eye on him, not saying anything, but as he would catch your eye, you could see the small concern in them. As time passed by that day, you stopped scrolling through your phone as every time you would look down, you heard the guys sighing what sounded like in defeat. You put your phone down, just catching as Chan stumbled over his own foot and it seemed like by the reaction of the other guys, this was the thing they were so annoyed about. They don’t usually get like this, getting annoyed about someone’s mistakes and as you look up it wasn’t even that.

Everyone looked at Chan in confusion, asking him if everything was okay. Him, like the good leader he was, brushed them off, saying he was just maybe getting rusty and then saying he again didn’t sleep that well. Everyone seemed to believe him, but something wasn’t just adding up. For just a small glimpse of his eyes on your figure told you that somewhat it wasn’t truly it. But you didn’t know that all of this was because of you.

The second time that this weird behavior of his appeared was in the middle of recording. You came in, carrying drinks for everyone and as weirdly as it sounded, you could just feel him staring into the back of your head when you gave Seungmin his drink. You huffed under your breath from the way his glare made you feel so small, smoothing down your skirt, before walking up to him and Changbin who sat next to him.

You smiled at the other who at least not like his friend mirrored your expression as you put his drink down. From the spot you were standing you leaned over the back of Changbin’s chair, arm stretched out with his drink, but it was like your hand had frozen over it at that moment. Chan with his thumb between his lips, bit at his nail as he burned holes into your exposed legs. You caught a glimpse of how his eyes became darker in the few seconds. He looked up, brown eyes falling on your waist where your soft tummy was slightly spilling over your skirt, from the corner of his eye catching the way your hand slightly began to shook, before finally glancing at you through his lashes. You have never seen him look like that, he almost looked like he was angry with you, but before you could even question your own thoughts, he took his drink from your slightly shaking hand, giving you a small ‘thanks’, his attention again everywhere, but you.

Soon the thought of him being angry with you became the only relevant thing to you. He didn’t talk to you for whatever reason. You two got along well, always so open with each other, but suddenly you felt like you were strangers again. He didn’t acknowledge your presence whatsoever and that hurt you. For the past few days your mind was occupied with him only, also wondering what possibly you could’ve done so wrong to make him act this way.

You thought back at the night you spend over at the dorms. Maybe you did something that day? However you can’t think of anything. Maybe it was the thing of you trying to get the guys to stay that day at home, as it was so hot outside, plans of going out to the park completely forgotten by then. They agreed with you, happily, laying on the cold ground in light clothes, fan on maximum, all of you completely basking in the cold air. No, that wasn’t it. He also agreed with your idea. He was laying down under the couch while you took every inch of it for yourself. The guys hated the idea of their skin sticking into the material, so they let you have it, like the gentlemen they are.

No…you really have no idea, why he is like this and that made you even more mad.

You couldn’t take it anymore. The constant guilt and sadness rising in your chest. Every time he looked away from you made you sick. Maybe, it is because you have been hanging around a lot more lately as it was the beginning of summer. Maybe, he is just bothered by your nonstop presence…The past few days the others kept their eyes on both of you, shocking you by keeping their mouths shut. Suddenly they didn’t have anything to say. You and Chan are great friends and seeing you two ignoring each other like that — well, it was only one sided anyway, made them realize that they probably shouldn’t mess with whatever this thing between you two is.

You also did exactly that. You waited for him to say something, do anything, but he didn’t. You stayed quiet, but it was slowly killing you. He was starting to drive you crazy from his constant short glances, not being able, for whatever reason, to fully look at you. So, you decided to finally make him.

────

Your hand formed into a fist, for a second raised in the air, before finally knocking on the door. You bite at your lip, chewing it, tasting your strawberry chapstick on your tongue. The breath you took was already stuck in your throat, choking you as the door flings immediately open. You somewhere in your mind hoped he would greet you, but you are more thankful for the vibrant smile sent your way from the freckled boy, standing in front of you.

“Hey, Y/N.” Felix greets you, tugging you quickly into a small hug, making you stumble from his strong pull.

You sigh shortly into his shoulder. “Hi, Lixie.” You pull away from him, exchanging a small knowing look with each other, before he lead you inside the dorm.

You told the freckled blonde everything. From the way you felt absolutely clueless of what to do, to the way this whole situation made you feel. You realized through your words that needed so badly to be spoken, how much time you were actually spending with him before this whole situation. It was such a normal thing to be at each other’s sides that you have never noticed that maybe it was too much for him. Chan is kind. He never said anything hurtful ever to you, but maybe he should. Felix listened to your every word, weighting them, looking carefully over your expressive face. That also, even when you were laying your heart out, was kind of a little suspicious. He did listened always, yes, but something is telling you that he just knew something you don’t…

You didn’t question him as he for the matter decided for you to come the next day to their dorm where everyone would be present. No way for him to avoid you at that matter as you all will spend your time watching something in the living room. However as you walk through the hallway to glance into said room, everyone turn their heads…everyone expect him — because he wasn’t even there.

Everyone’s greetings died hallway as they notice your expression. “Where’s Chan?” You wondered out loud, fidgeting slightly under their gazes as they all briefly share a look.

“He’s in his bedroom.”

You sigh, so quietly that it wasn’t even heard over the television. A hand falls on to your shoulder next, making you look up at the blonde who frowns at your own expression. “I’ll go get him.”

“No.” You say, rather firmly as the sadness and disappointment slowly melts into anger, pulling away from Felix who just blinks at your answer. “I’ll go.” He simply nods, seeing that there is no way for either of them to tell you otherwise, silently watching you make your way to Chan’s bedroom. You held your head high, looking confident in your steps, determined to finally hold your ground, but as soon as you turn the corner your back meets the hallway wall with a big shaky sigh.

You play with the fabric of your skirt, pulling and tugging so roughly that you hear the fabric tearing from your movements. Your eyes glare holes into the closed door to his bedroom at the end of the hallway, the only source of light being the soft hue of his blue led lights coming from the bottom of the door. You know that you shouldn’t bother him when he is in his room, probably working on another song or something, but the rule was no working when there is a movie night. Also, most importantly, you are really starting to feel the adrenaline rushing in. How he can just ignore you like that? Don’t you at least deserve an explanation?

Soon enough, you are standing right before the door. Hand almost shaking as you knock on it few times. You don’t even know why you are suddenly so nervous. You hope that the reason why he become so distant isn’t something too complicated. A grunt comes out from behind the closed door and you don’t even say anything that it is you, maybe because you just know he would again just avoid you.

You came into the room, closing the door behind you and silently playing for a moment with the lock as your eyes fall on to Chan. He sat at his table, headphones on, back turned to you, but after a moment of just not hearing anything, he finally looks at you. Immediately his eyes seem to flicker with that emotion again as he glanced you over.

“Hey…” He trails off, quietly, almost like he mumbled it to himself mostly.

“Hey.” You say back, swallowing the lump in your throat, watching as he again turns away from you. Even from your position at the door, holding the handle, like you would just walk out at any moment, you could feel how tense his shoulders were. You thought that you were stubborn, hardheaded, but you for sure were proved otherwise by the man before you. It anger you even more, the silent treatment he put you in is slowly drowning you. “Are you coming? The guys already started the movie without us.” You continued, hands falling to your sides to fumble with the hem of your skirt again.

You watch him nod at your statement, almost like shrugging you off, the frown on your face deepening at that. “Yeah, sure just give me a moment I’ll be there.” Chan, says, nonchalantly, his attention on the screen of his open laptop.

The pout on your lips slowly turns into sneer as you just stood there for a moment looking at him. Can’t he just say something already? Like at least acknowledge your presence, not making you feel like air. “What did I do?” You say, arms crossing over your chest.

He humms then, just that. The fact that he still kept ignoring you, makes you stump over to him with heavy sigh, pulling one side of his headphones from his ear, your rough movements, making him yelp. His hand flies to the top of his ear that is slowly turning red, frowning at the small sting. He looks up at you with big eyes, lips parted. At least now he is finally looking at you.

“What did I do?” You question him again, arms still hugging your chest, like forming some sort of shield around yourself.

His eyes widened for a split second. He knows what you are talking about. “…..what?” Comes out from his lips, eyes almost burning holes on your face, unblinking.

You at his stare and weird behavior become for a second embarrassed by your sudden outburst, seeing him so collected and calm. But you were sure you weren’t imagining things, something seriously was wrong. With him or with you? You still don’t know. You have the right to be upset as he even now, keeps avoiding you in some way, it is like he was looking through you, eyes completely unfocused, but hard.

You sigh through your nose, your hard face softening as you again feel the guilt creeping up to you. “It seems like I did something.”

“No, you didn’t do anything.” He almost said robotically, fast, like he was scared he would suddenly say something completely different, but that is exactly what you want. He is still holding back.

Your face falls at his words. “Do you think I didn’t notice you ignoring me?” He at that, looks away from you, eyes flickering down to stare at your exposed legs. He stayed silent at your words, watching his knuckles turn white from how much he is gripping the armrests. “Chan, just tell me what I did, because I honestly have no idea…”

Sighing, you can’t fight the frown forming on your face. You watch him close his eyes, mirroring your sigh, but that is the only thing he did. You have never realize that your presence bothered him so much. Are you really that annoying? Maybe if you didn’t always require his company almost everywhere you go, this whole situation wouldn’t even happened. His awful silence gave away so much, the pull at his eyebrows and rigid breathing. You already said enough, you think and he in return didn’t, so you just got the feeling that he doesn’t want you here anymore.

You fight back tears of anger mostly, twirling around to maybe lock yourself in the bathroom for a while to calm down, but you weren’t even able to take a step further as you suddenly hear his mumble.

“You’re so stupid…”

Your head immediately whips around, startling him by the anger radiating from you. “Excuse me?” You almost spit out, emotions on the edge. You can’t believe that he just said that to you, ready to throw some insults back, but his frantic movements stop you.

His eyes snap wide open, twirling in his chair to face you, throwing his arms in the air. “No! Not you, it’s me…” He at that places his hands over his face, his next words being muffled. “Oh, fuck, I’m not mad at you or anything. Can we just forget it?”

You want to laugh in disbelief at his words. You for these past few days felt horrible and now he just expects you to forget it? You are seeing red, but you still try to keep your voice down, aware of the other people still present. “No?” You say incredulously, chest rising wildly. “You’ve been so weird, I want to know why…” I deserve it, you wanted to say. His face falls, fingers pressing into his eyelids as a broken noise falls from his mouth. He looked troubled and you are becoming even more concern about what this is truly about. You are scared, thinking the most horrible things imaginable.

“I can’t–“ Chan says firstly to himself, before pulling his hands away from his face to look at you. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why?” You almost whisper, eyes trailing over his reddish eyes and you hope those aren’t tears reflecting in them.

“You will hate me.”

That was his simple answer. Even now you do not hate him. How could you possibly? There isn’t truly a situation in mind that could make you hate him. It was such strong emotion and feeling it towards him, would make you hate yourself mostly. You were angry with him. The way he keeps ignoring, makes you feel so unwanted, but seeing him like this makes all the anger melt away as there was only concern left behind. You shake your head at his words, again finding it difficult to be truly be angry with him as he looked as broken as you felt inside. “Trust me, nothing could propably make me angrier…” You say, wholeheartedly, trying to ease this invisible tension between you two.

Chan look at you with a look that told you; we will see. He again glanced away from you, playing with the rings on his fingers, before sighing in defeat. “….you remember the time you spend the night when there was that killing heat?”

“Yeah?” You said, shrugging and coming closer to him. You do remembered it and you are becoming really curious about what he will say next as you also thought about that day as the solution to this problem.

As you took a step closer to him, towering over him as he still sat in his chair, his head snaps away from you again. The rough moment made him twirl away from you slightly, watching him bite his lip. “Fuck…I can’t even look at you–“

Now you do laugh in disbelief, hands flying in the air before they slap against your thighs. “Why not?” He doesn’t answer again and from your own outburst you don’t even see the way he scrunches up the material of his shorts. “God dammit, Christopher–“

He briefly stills at the sound of his name, before a gasp rings in the air. It came from him as he felt your hand at the back of the headrest, your pretty nails briefly scratching his skull. A shiver runs down his spine, eyes wide when you turn him around to face you. He immediately panics at that, his hands that were digging into the armrests flying to push you away, but they only hover as his eyes again fall on to your legs. “Please just stay there…” He watches your face crunch up in hurt, but he simply couldn’t catch his breath by the way your body is so close to his. “Stay there!”

Your own eyes widened, stilling in your spot a few inches away from him. The thing that makes you snap out from your thoughts is the way his chest kept rising up and down, you are getting a little scared that he in any moment would just smother. Your head tilts down, the hands on either side of his head, falling back to your sides. As they touched the skin of your legs, he almost jumps as your hand grazes over his, still stretched out one. “Chan?” You call out him, watching his frozen body slowly melt at the sound of his name falling from your lips.

He keeps his eyes dead set on your legs, arms still in air, you almost want to laugh at his silly position. “So you remember that night, right?” He asked, voice serious.

You wonder again what exactly happened that made him like this. “Yeah…” The way you knew that this day is somehow relevant, but still not knowing fully what you did, makes you take in a shaky breath.

“God…I can’t get it out of my head–“ You watch his hands form into fists, cheeks on fire slightly from the way he basically growls. “Your – you were wearing those goddamn shorts, if you can even call them that and I fucking tried to look away…but it only became worst when you started to only wear these skirts..and, and — fuck, I’m so sorry, I c-can’t – this is so wrong.”

Your mouth is left open, the more he talked the more he looked at you and for the first time you wish he didn’t, because he was looking at you in such way that it made you subconsciously rub your thighs together. He however did noticed, his last words coming out choked at the way the meat of your thighs rubbed together. Chan is ready to just stand up and leave, not being able to control himself anymore.

You immediately stop him, hands flying to his shoulders, pressing him back down. “Hey!” You raise your voice at him, but both of you can hear the way you also choke over such a simple word. “I don’t understand…” You kind of did, but you need to hear more, because you can’t take any more subtle words, though those words that left him so far, made you almost fall on to your knees.

His eyes glossed over and not from what you think. Chan doesn’t know what exactly happened that day. He thought, knew, you were attractive, but he never had such vile thoughts running through his mind about you. Maybe it was the way, you looked that day on the couch. Skin glistening, the sweat making your perfume smell so intoxicating. Your hair was sticking to your skin, frown on your features, chewing your bottom lip. It also didn’t help him keep his sanity — the way your legs looked from his view. He didn’t know why he chose that position. He didn’t know at that moment if he should feel blessed or just be completely begging for mercy to get the image of your yummy thighs from his head. The way you layed there, completely exhausted, not even seeing the way your shorts rolled right up to your hips — this is it.

Your legs, your fucking thighs were the thing that made him go so distant. He for a while kept it this to himself, because how could he talk about such thing with anyone? He felt dirty every time he thought back at the way your thighs looked. He wanted to just fucking bite them every time you would walk pass him, because like if you knew, you started to wear dresses and skirts…After few days when everyone seem to notice his change of behavior, he told Felix. To his shock, he only laughed, saying that it was so silly of him to be like that just because of your thighs. But they weren’t any thighs…they were yours and also Felix told him that day how he wasn’t the only one thinking about you like that. He couldn’t fight the jealousy rising in his chest as he listened to the words his band members kept saying about you, but who could he judge. He probably was the worst out of all of them.

“I started to ignore you, not because of something you did, but it was because of me…I always feel like such a pervert looking at you, but I can’t help it…they look so fucking good — I don’t want to ruin anything between us…”

You do feel weight being drop off from your shoulders as well as also the rumbling in your lower tummy. He looked so on the edge right now that you kind of found something amusing about it. He thought that maybe you would be absolutely mad, freaked out about his weird behavior, but it made the most pleasant feeling warm up your insides. “So, you were just ignoring, because you are horny?” Your voice held a teasing tone, swaying on your feet, feeling giddy inside.

His eyes widened at that. “No! Well…don’t say it like that…” Chan trails off, feeling his ears get red, face flaming hot. His eyes travel back to you as you suddenly take a step closer to him, knees almost touching.

He looked like a deer caught in headlights from the way your droopy eyes gaze down at him, bottom lip caught between your teeth. He just knows you are not even doing it on purpose. “What exactly made you so hot all over?” You wonder out loud.

The question makes him swallow nervously, realizing that the tension in the room is slowly forming into something completely different from the way you firstly step inside his room. He immediately flicker his eyes down, already giving you the answer. “…your thighs…I like your thighs…”

You tstked, basking in the way he started to become so shy and bashful. “That’s it? Tell me what else Chris.”

He again almost jumps out of his seat, but it only makes him touch his knees with your lower thighs, shocking him all over. “That’s it, I swear! I really only thought about your thighs and…” Chan curse himself for continuing after that as he saw you raise an eyebrow in question. Do you even know the effect you have on him? He probably looks pretty pathetic right now, but he really doesn’t seem to care as you tilt your head down at him, fanning your pretty eyelashes. “And how they would look spilling over my fingers…”

You suck in breath, fingers brushing over his as you stumble over thin air. His gaze turns dark at the way you almost cower. You can feel your own cheeks heating up, suddenly becoming shy under his gaze. It is the same look as the one he gave you back in the studio, now you know what it means. You could feel how his gaze changed the whole vibe of the room and you are now the one becoming bashful. “That’s it?“ You mumble, bottom lip pouting from the way you don’t even have the confidence to fully speak.

“No…there’s so much more.” He licks his lips, catching how your eyes follow the movement of his tongue. “But it would be better if I show you instead?”

“Chan…” You say his name, breathless.

He sighs heavily, eyes going everywhere, all over you. “Just say yes or no, because i think I’ll go fucking crazy otherwise.”

You shiver at his voice, the deepness vibrating your whole body. “Yes!” You almost shout and before you could even finish answering, he pulls you by your waist to his body.

His pretty fingers dig into the dip of your waist, letting you see that you could still pull away, but you only pull yourself closer to him. You let yourself fall into his lap, bottom half resting on his legs. Before you could even do anything else, he held you there, a little away from his chest so he could still look into your eyes. How did you never notice the hunger he held for you? It was completely written in his eyes, looking at you like you hung the moon. “Can I kiss you?” He says, chest bumping subtly with yours from his heavy breathing. You again want to laugh at such question, pulling the back of his head to yours closer instead. Your lips touch with gentleness for a few seconds, his lips so pillowy you can’t wait for him to kiss every inch of your body. As you pull away from each other, you give each other a long look, before one of his hands on your waist comes to weave in your hair, tugging at the root.

You gasp at the sudden roughness, letting him push his lips to your pulse, it jumping under his touch. You already probably look like a total wreck and it didn’t help the fact that just by a small tilt of your hips you could feel his hard-on. He sighs with you, kissing, licking at your neck, sending shivers all over your body. When he feels your sudden shift of your hips, something comes over him. The way his friends talked about you, made his grip tighten around your hair, pulling out a whimper from you.

He doesn’t ignore that noise, making the feeling even better with his kisses on the left side of your neck. You moan when you feel him sucking at your skin, melting into his touch even more. He start to nip at you, soaking you up in his spit from how wild he is making out with your neck. You can’t even breathe from the way he presses himself into you, making your own hand tighten around his head, him letting out a brutal groan that came from the back of his throat.

It makes him stop for a moment and you took the opportunity to pull him to your mouth. His lips felt puffy, so delicious, making you delirious from his taste alone. His tongue clashed over yours, letting your mouth open for him to just fuck you with it, as he is completely messy with it. You don’t even care about your mixed spit falling onto your shirt, but you do react when he pulls away from you urgently.

“Sit on my face.”

“What–“ You can’t even answer as he slaps his hands on your thighs, massaging roughly the fat between his fingers. “Chan I don’t know…I have never done it – I don’t want to hurt you.” You say, also breathless, freezing when the tip of his fingers almost touched your clothed core.

“I don’t care, fucking choke me with these thighs to dead, I really don’t fucking care–“

“Okay!” You answer, head snapping back to the door to his bedroom, suddenly remembering that you are in fact not the only people in the dorm right now. Your small concern melts away when you’re suddenly hoist up.

You yelp, gasp rather loudly, your hand flying to grasp his shoulders as he grip the underside of your thighs. You are shocked about how easily he just lift you up, not missing the cheeky grin on his face. You melt momentarily at the sight of his strong arms bulging, veins so prominent, you could probably spend the whole night just biting at them. He also can’t help himself getting even more hard and impatient at the thought of finally having you.

He turns around swiftly, not even giving you a warning as he throws you on his bed. You again let out a startled sound, body completely emerging into the soft mattress, bed springs screeching wildly when he falls on top of you. Your small complaint is silenced by his lips on your own, biting immediately at your bottom lip. You are already having a hard time controlling your own desires, hips jumping up and when they just softly touch his, you moan into him.

He breathes you in, heavy breaths mixing with yours, lowering himself to fully graze his cock over your cunt. The sounds you are making are really getting into his head, pushing into you just right, precum ruining his shorts. “Fuck–“ You whimper, pulling at the bottom of his shirt, nails scratching at his lower stomach. His mind was basically all over the place, but when you wrap your godforsaken legs around him, sqeeezing his hips, he sits up. You jump a little from how quick the movement is, ready to question him if you did something wrong, but you are only left confused when he falls backwards into his pillow. How can someone look this good from that angle…

“Come here-“ You are already climbing up his body by then, sitting down on his lap like before, but from this position you could feel even more. You can’t help, but press yourself harder on his clothed cock. You drool at the feeling, eyes closing to fully savour the feeling.

He sucks in breath from your smooth movements, letting you hump your pretty little clit over him as he again gets lost in your body. Chan hopes you know how good you are looking right now. Face scrunch up, hair messy from his fingers, hands pulling at his shirt like it is the only hold of sanity you have left. He bit his bottom lip, hands again traveling up your legs, peeking from your soft pink skirt and as he lifts it up a little by accident…he comes across your same colored silk panties. He will fucking cum in his pants if he doesn’t have you on his face right now.

You are pulled from your blissful state as Chan pulls you closer to him, lifting you up slightly with his strength. Your eyes open, looking into his, again glistening under your hungry gaze. “Please, sit on my face.”

You gasp softly again, but you can’t stop the desire spreading across your face. “Are you sure?” Your hand caressed his features, thumb going over the bridge of his nose, making his eyes close for a second. He for an answer pulls you again closer, making you sit up. “Wait – let me just-“ You make a move to get up from him, but he immediately grabs you tightly in his grasp.

You wanted to maybe pull down your skirt for him to get a better access to your leaking cunt, but he possibly couldn’t miss the opportunity of having you like this. Still in that pretty skirt and matching panties, like you almost knew this was going to happened. The thought of you just wearing the same thing after, juices and his spit coating your thighs, silently hoping that the guys would be able to smell him on you, made his cock jump in his shorts. “Keep it on, all…” He says, voice deep, almost not being able to hear him from the way he is already so drunk on you.

You shiver then, shuffling finally up his body, stopping at his chest, chin just grazing the inside of your thigh. “Just stop me if you can’t breathe.” He could smell your scent from here, no way he will miss the opportunity of being choked to death by your weight on his nose. He actually also never done it before, he only got the idea when you came into the picture and he can’t thought of anyone else doing it to him.

Your fingers touch briefly his as you lift up your skirt to your waist, waiting for him to shuffle down. You gasp at the sight of his face so close to your pussy, as he only groans in response from the way he could see the wet patch on your underwear growing. His hands play with the meat of your thighs, the softness, making him turn his head to suck at the skin. You moan quietly, still aware that you two are not alone, but you just can’t help yourself from moaning again as he sucks on the inside of your thigh. You could already see the purple blotches forming, not even mad when he does the same with the other. It tickled slightly, a giggle falling from your lips, hand immediately going to your mouth to silent your laugh.

However he only melts at that sound, a grin becoming prominent on his lips and you could feel it against your skin. You are just so cute and adorable, but he had to shock you by lowering you finally to his lips. No sound though leaves you, only mouth hanging open when his tongue licks a long stripe up your clothed pussy. You curse, legs trembling slightly from the way he just started to make out with your center.

You could feel his saliva smearing all over you or maybe it was your juices? Chan is already going dizzy from your tanginess, cursing himself for not talking to you sooner. He for second pulls away from you, licking at his lips, not missing anything you are giving him. A sigh leaves him when his eyes trail over the visible outline of your pussy.

“Please-“ You whimper, hips rolling slightly in the air and he almost came right there from that. The idea of you riding his face is the only thing he can think of right now, so he just pushes your ruined panties to the side, showing his mouth into your soaking cunt.

You yelp again, hand shooting to grip at his hair but it only makes you fall forward, basically squishing your whole bottom half into him. You immediately try to sit up, but he only pulls you further down. His tongue is everywhere. You are absolutely wrecked, teeth biting at your tongue to silence yourself, because how good is he?

You have never been eaten out like this before. The angle made his nose graze your clit just right and you don’t even have the strength to pull yourself up, concern about him breathing flying out the window. However Chan really doesn’t seem to care, happy you are the only thing he is breathing in. The way you just try to move away from the intense feeling, made his own hips jump. The grip he has on your legs, will propably make bruises later, but it actually made the feeling even better.

You think you are almost crying from the pleasure, drooling when his tongue breaches you and he shivers at your raw taste — delicious like a Michelin star meal. Your back arches at that, pushing yourself even harder against him. The shift makes him moan into you, pulling himself away from you for a moment, but you could still feel him working you up. “Ride my face-“ You gasp and whimper when his hand gives your right cheek a nasty slap, making you jump, clit hitting the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, baby…just like that – good girl.”

He isn’t holding you up anymore, just laying there as you shift nervously. The cuteness like you are, you are still slightly shy with your movements. It is honestly endearing, but right now he just wants you to suffocate him. He basically shoves you down on his face, one hand playing with your asscheek and the other gripping at your leg.

You feel sweat dripping down your forehead, whimpering. Chan helps you with your movements, before you finally start riding his face on your own, just like he wanted. He only groans into you, the sound vibrating around your clit, his lips wrapping around it. When he suck at it, pulling your inner labia into his mouth, you almost cum right there. Your hand comes down to caress his soft curls, completely opposite from your wild movements. You look down, eyes glossy, but not missing the hungry look he gives you in return.

You could already feel your lower belly rumbling in the very familiar feeling, completely lost in the moment. His pretty nose, which you always complimented, rubs against you in the most delicious way. Your mind is fuzzy, mouth hanging open when you start to feel the ecstasy, but then a loud unexpected noice startles you, making you jump.

“Are you guys okay in there?”

Your eyes fly wide open, falling on to equally frightened Chan. Your breathing is heavy, quietly trying to catch your breath with him, before he slightly lifts you up to answer Han. “All good!” He answers, voice raspy.

You look at him in confusion when he suddenly grabs you by your waist, giving you a small peak at his drenched face. You don’t even have time to apologize for the mess you did, head still fuzzy from your ruined orgasm, when he flings you up in the air and making you fall onto your back.

Your surprise gasp is unheard by his overly loud voice, like he just knew you would do that. “We’ll be right there-“ You don’t miss the cheeky grin on his lips, watching him kiss your pubic bone, before wrapping your legs around his head. “Just have to finish something…” He mumbles and at that he flattens his tongue, pressing it right at your puffy clit. Your hand quickly flies to your lips, crying out into your skin when he wildly moves his head side to side, almost missing Han’s answer.

“Okay! Just don’t eat each other.“

Oh, for sure…

You don’t even care that he could probably still hear your loud cry of pleasure as Chan basically devours you. Your legs start to tremble, back arching, a hand holding your bottom half down. You are losing your mind about how good he is, fingers tugging at his hair as he only suck harder. “I’m gonna cum – fuuuuck” He at your words, pulls his mouth lower, again shoving his tongue into your cunt.

“Cum babygirl, I want it.” Chan growls, head tilting up so your clit hits his nose again. Even if the position is starting to hurt, he will never complain about that pain ever, because the image of your eyes rolling into the back of your head, was definitely worth it.

Your whole body trembles, legs pressing his head even closer to you as the rope snaps. You don’t even hear yourself anymore, letting your lips open wide, moaning wildly in pleasure. You could feel yourself leaking all over his face. The high doesn’t even stop, because he doesn’t stop. You feel tear run down your face, sitting up, gasping as his only quickened is movements.

You almost want to scream at the burning feeling, hole fluttering around his tongue. “Please stop — I’m gonna cum again!” He only looks up at you, so innocently you can’t stop your hips tilting up to his face. As the second peak starts to approach your hand, falls to his, squeezing it, nails scratching his skin as the immense pleasure hits you again, now even more intense as you didn’t even have time to clam your body from the first. You see completely white, ears ringing as you fall back down in exhaustion, just letting him lick your cream all up, whole body shaking. Your heart beats wildly inside your chest, body slumping tiredly into the sheets. You don’t even feel him pulling away from your red, puffy pussy, neither him falling next to you.

When you feel a hand touching your cheek softly, moving away the wet strands of hair from your face, your eye peaks open slightly. You sighs in bliss, a drunk smile stretching across your lips at the look he gives you. “You, okay?” What kind of question is even that? You feel like you had out of body experience, still feeling the lingering burning sensation.

“Yeah.” You say, voice little, maybe from your screaming. You really don’t even care anymore about the guys hearing you as Chan gives you the most loving, soft kiss. You taste yourself on his lips, looking up at him, eyes tracing over the wetness coating his face. You are sure that every time you will look at him from now on, you will see him under you eating your cunt like there’s no tomorrow. Definitely one of the best memories you have of him.

You grin again, pulling yourself up, only slumping right back with a huff. Chan laughs at you, cooing, pulling you against him instead. You could feel how his own heart is jumping as your head hits his chest and you can’t help smiling further. “You know, you’re not the only one kind of obsessed.” You say, at his silence looking up at him.

He humms in question, brows furrowed, ignoring the sudden loud noises, like cheering, coming from the living room as you are the only thing he will ever put his attention into from now on.

“You have really nice ass.”

[doitforbangchan]

Summary: There's no turning back now, not when you know what you left behind. A dangerous situation now replaced with another. After the omegas disappeared you have to extra careful, especially now that you have left your pack and family.  What happens when your car breaks down on another pack's land?

Chan x reader (y/n) x ot8

ABO!Nonidol!SKZ Alternate Universe

Series Warnings: Fem reader, Smut, verryyyy nsfw, chan x reader, OT8 x reader, A/B/O, m/m/f smut, possessive! SKZ, possessive! Reader, anxiety and depression, fluff, angst, virgin!reader, reader is a CRYBABY, cursing, violence, pet names, dom/sub dynamics, Sub reader x mostly dom SKZ, misogyny and sexism, Ateez are depicted as terrible people (sorry Atiny!) 

Meet the pack

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20 -coming soon

👇🏻head cannons and answered questions 👇🏻 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Chapters are released every other Saturday afternoon- US PST

Comments and reblogs are encouraged and appreciated :)

Taglist for this series is closed!!!

Main masterlist

[doitforbangchan]

reblogging with the current head cannon/ answered questions :)

[hyunsvngs]

𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐫𝐲 - fem!chanlix x fem!reader

wc: 2.9k

cw: established poly relationship, porn with some plot, please note chanlix are gender swapped here!! 18+ SMUT MDNI.

a/n: and if you thought i’d see pride month without a juno wlw fic you’d be WRONG!!!! i hope you enjoy fem chanlix here because they are so sweetieful to me <3 as usual smut warnings under the cut!!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

sw: oral, scissoring, lots of dirty talk, daddy kink, spit, kind of d/s dynamics (all are kinda switchy), squirting, some voyeur/exhibitionist undertones

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

sunlight through the curtains is the first thing you see when you wake up. with your head turned to the side, the first thing you notice is how warm it is - the toned, muscled body of one of your girlfriends sidled up to you doesn’t help, and when you finally turn to face in front of you, your other girlfriend is perched on your lap.

you can still remember your dream. it was a memory, almost, if not for the way your girlfriends looked like they do now. it was a sweet retelling of how they asked you to be theirs, officially - a year ago today - chan’s beanie pulled low on long, dark curls, her mouth twisted in a shy smile. “so, uh- haha, you’re welcome to say no! but, we would like it if you’d say yeah…” she chuckled, wiping her hands on her joggers. lix had only kissed your cheek sheepishly and held your hand over the table the entire time, honey-toned legs crossed in her pretty little sundress.

it was a sweet memory. funny, almost, to remember how they’d been so incredibly oblivious that it’s always been them for you.

however, you’re horny, embarrassingly so considering you’ve just woken up. you’re convinced lix’s little frame on top of you is enough to get anyone going, though. it has to be a fact.

“happy anniversary, bubby,” lix’s voice is quiet, but you still hear the way she’s tried to put that weird voice she does on to make you giggle. it works, and you snicker, hands moving to her waist. she’s always tiny on top of you, your little doll, eyes anything but innocent in her white dainty nightgown. her little hands move to your shoulders and begin kneading, as she always does, and she lets out a loud, ostentatious “mwah” when she pecks at your nose. your kitty loves to love, but you know better. she has ulterior motives. “ah, actually, we gotta be quiet. channie’s asleep.”

“no ‘m not,” a familiar voice responds, groggy with sleep, and you turn to look at the other love of your life. her long, curly hair drapes over her face, but you can see an eye open and staring at you, sparkling with glee. one palm, calloused from lifting weights, moves to brush over lix’s waist, and you feel her wiggle on top of you, satisfied. chan shifts, pressing a kiss into your cheek, and the feeling of her lips has you humming. “happy anniversary, beautiful girls.”

“wow, channie,” you giggle, voice still hoarse. it’s the first time you’ve spoken, and felix grins, her mouth widening from ear to ear. “so smooth.”

chan blushes, as she always does. “haha, baby, don’t make fun of me. it’s our anniversary.”

lix wiggles on your lap, and then she’s lying directly on top of you, her chest pressing into yours. “it is our anniversary,” she confirms, wet tongue poking out to lick at the skin of your neck. it makes you gasp and jolt, and chan only smiles fondly, pressing another kiss into your hairline. lix tries to catch her mouth with hers when she pulls away, but chan’s too quick. she huffs and turns to you instead. “let me eat your pussy. for our anniversary.”

“lix!” chan shrieks. “it’s 8 in the morning.”

“eat it,” you respond, pushing at lix’s head. she’s all too happy to be maneouvered, and chan tries to at least pretend she’s shocked when lix is on her way to make a home between your legs. you know she’ll be involved as soon as the moment comes. “i’m horny, lixie. will you eat it?”

“mm, i’ll eat it,” she nods dutifully. her little button nose is pressing at your sleep shorts now, earnestly nudging the fabric to the side to uncover your folds underneath. you’re already wet, you know you are - the sight of your love on top of you like an eager cat was a little too much to wake up to, and she eventually gets impatient and yanks your shorts to the side instead. she grins again. “woah, nice ‘n wet down here. from me?”

“from you,” you confirm, breathlessly, and felix sucks the pudge of your clit into her mouth as your reward. she never wastes time, batting the button over and over with the tip of her tongue, and you writhe with a gasp at the stimulation. you assume chan’s content to watch for now, her body warm against you, but she gets even closer and slides one of those firm hands up your shirt. felix looks up at you both from between your legs with wide eyes, hands moving to pull your thighs apart further for her. “oh, c-channie. channie, channie, look at her.”

“yeah, i know, baby,” chan responds, voice as strained as if she’s the one getting her cunt ate. you don’t doubt she will be after. chan’s fingers move to one of your nipples and tug hard just as felix’s tongue breaches your hole, filthy and insistent, and you reach down to grab at lix’s hair. the short, blonde mullet is soft between your fingers, and you can’t help pulling at it to hear her whimper into your folds.

chan leans over you. her hair covers both of you like a curtain, thick and curly, and you grasp her cheek with your spare hand to focus on her. you’re a little hazy from lix’s onslaught of pleasure, her tongue determined and fingers just as bad when they move up to your hole, but you try to focus on your eldest.

“ah, fuck, look at you,” chan murmurs, hand moving up. her thumb brushes over your bottom lip, and you suck it into your mouth. she groans. “oh, baby. c’mere. give daddy a kiss, won’t you?”

if it had been months ago, chan would be embarrassed, blushing over the way you and her girlfriend cry out the familiar nickname. instead, her eyes are half lidded as she descends upon you, looking every bit like your wet dream, tits heaving in her sports bra. chan barely sleeps in anything, and you want to just watch her - you know her thighs look delicious the way they’re exposed in her briefs, but her fat lips mouth at yours and you open your mouth obediently.

you’re free to moan into chan’s mouth. you do so, unabashed when felix’s tongue moves upwards to flick at your clit and two of her fingers finally, finally slide in. they’re only small but she curls them dutifully anyway, pushing in and in until she’s brushing over that spongey spot that makes your tongue curl. you pull away from chan with a wet noise to cry out, both of your hands moving to lix’s hair to keep her where you need her.

“grind on her fucking face,” chan says, firm. you have to listen. now that she’s more awake, you’re not surprised that she’s taking control of the situation, and you grip felix’s head in place with a sharp moan from her. it doesn’t take long for you to listen, ever the diligent girl for your daddy, and your hips start to grind against felix’s tongue and fingers. “how’s it feel, baby? is she eating it good?”

“s-so good,” you keen, and felix moans into your folds. her fingers start to fuck into you faster, bouncing against your g-spot, and your stomach starts to burn with your impending orgasm. “she’s gonna make me cum. daddy- daddy, channie, she’s gonna make me cum.”

“yeah? good girl, lixie,” chan coos, fingers brushing through your hair. the comforting motion makes you hum, and when felix slides a third finger in, the stretch has you squirming. chan’s eyes are fixated on where her girlfriend’s mouth meets your core, and she moans at the sight. “that’s it. stretch that pussy out, there’s a good girl.”

“fuck, i-it’s so much, it’s so much,” you babble, hips still working up a frenzy, and chan wraps your hair around her fist and pulls. combined with the feeling of felix sucking your clit into her mouth again, and her fingers hitting you just right, your pussy clenches up and gushes down to your girlfriend’s knuckles. “i’m c-cumming, i’m- i’m cumming, cumming, baby, kitty cat, g-good girl, fuck- fuck, my pussy feels so good, channie-”

chan slides two fingers between your lips to shut you up. it’s for the best, you assume, with the rest of the 3racha dorm still present in different rooms, and you suck obediently while you shake through your orgasm. it’s powerful, your thighs clenching with it, and felix waits until your shaking has subsided to slide her little fingers out.

“daddy, y’wanna taste?” she says, voice deep, and chan nods, lips parting. felix’s digits slide between chan’s lips and down, down, down, pressing on her tongue to the point she’s almost gagging. felix likes to pretend she has power like this, and you lay there breathlessly while your daddy sucks at your baby’s fingers. felix just smiles. “i’m so fucking horny.”

“mm,” chan smacks her lips against felix’s fingertips, nibbling on them playfully. you and felix both giggle. “delicious pussy. why don’t you rub yours against our baby’s tasty cunt, kitty?”

felix blanches. her fingers are still wet and her eyes widen as if it’s the best idea she’s ever heard. it probably is, and she nods eagerly as if the cogs in her head have finally started working.

“yeah. yeah. wanna- wanna rub my pussy against you, let me, let me,” felix rushes, yanking her nightgown over her head. she’s not wearing anything underneath, and the sparse freckles over her tummy have you fixated, little chest bouncing as she moves towards you. her cunt is soaked too, waxed clean and pretty pretty pretty, brown folds parting and sticking together with her wetness. she slings one lithe thigh over yours, and when she moves forward the initial touch of her clit against yours makes you whine. you’re still sensitive, wet with your cum, but you spread your thighs for her anyway. “‘s good, yeah? f-fuck, you’re so wet. cunt’s so fucking wet.”

“lix, you’re fucking filthy,” chan remarks, always affronted by how dirty her mouth gets. felix doesn’t care, grinning wildly as she grinds her pussy against yours, and the wet clacking noises make you blush. it’s messy, folds sliding together with every grind of yours, but you’re happy to just lay there and let her take, take, take.

chan finally pulls your shirt off too, impatient, and the jiggling of your tits as you get fucked against makes her groan. when she sits up to lean over where the two of you meet, you’re not expecting her to spit down against your already soaked cores, and you wail at the feeling of everything getting wetter. it’s so messy down there, and felix’s clit glides against yours with it.

lix starts babbling. she always does. “f-fuck, no, fuck, i’m so- i’m gonna cum, oh my god, bubs,” she’s wailing, tits bouncing as she starts to thrust harder, hips gyrating against you. you swear you can see the bite of tears in her eyes, but yours are half lidded too - you’re whimpering with every messy gyrate, trying to buck your hips up to get more of the sensation. “channie, kiss. kiss, kiss me, please, daddy, please, i’m gonna cum.”

chan grabs felix’s hair, yanking her hair back, and spits into her mouth. felix gasps, surging forward to kiss chan harder, messier, tongues darting against eachother. she’s getting closer and closer, legs starting to tremble against yours, and it only takes a nip of her teeth to lix’s bottom lip to have her falling over the edge. she grips at chan’s toned biceps, moaning freely into her mouth, pussy gushing over yours.

you can’t be disappointed that you didn’t cum again because when lix pulls away, there’s a cute faint blush underneath her freckles, fading down to her chest. she’s out of breath, nipples pebbled from her arousal, and it only takes a look between you both for chan to be pinned to the bed. she lays there, arms akimbo in shock, and you and felix slide in either side of her.

“oh, are you two done playing now?” chan grins. she’s being playful and you can’t have that. your hands move to grip at her sports bra, wrenching the front down, and her tits bounce freely. chan’s got big tits, round and full, and her nipples are dark and need to be in your mouth now, so you lean down to suck one into your mouth. “o-oh. oh, yeah, that’s it.”

you’re not shocked to see felix has attached herself to chan’s other nipple. you both lay either side of her, sucking and nibbling at her tits while you squirm and writhe for more, more, more, and you know chan will give you what you need. a quick slide of your hand beneath her briefs only confirms what you were suspecting - she’s drenched, folds slick with her wetness, and her clit peeks out with arousal.

“poor daddy,” you croon, finger sliding up to circle her clit, slick from her hole. she lets out a stuttery breath, and you can only look up at her from your position on her chest. chan looks so beautiful like this. her nose juts out sharply, lips pouty and kiss bitten, and her lashes are long where they rest against her cheekbones, eyes shut. “did we make you wait long?”

“ah- baby, you know i like watchin’ you both,” chan responds, voice shaky. felix only suckles on her nipple happily, sated to just wait to touch for now. you manage to wrangle chan’s underwear from her legs in the position you’re in, and one look at the trimmed patch of hair on her mound has you wiggling your way down, sharpish. chan leans up on her forearms to look at you, the prettiest, fondest smile taking over her features. “oh. oh, you’re daddy’s good girl, aren’t you?”

“always,” you respond, quick as a bat, because you genuinely are - most of the time. lix is the brattier one of you two, always biting and grabbing and being generally impatient, but even she seems to be on her best behaviour this morning, coming to join you between chan’s legs. chan lets her toned thighs fall apart, unashamed for you both despite the shame she definitely feels inside, and her folds part wetly.

you can’t help yourself. you’re sliding one digit into her hole almost instantly, and she seizes, head rolling back onto the pillow. she’s wet, extremely so, and her arousal slides messily down to your knuckle.

“i want in,” felix says, breathless. “you’re so messy here, daddy. mm, lemme-“

she dives in. she’s relentless with it like she was with you, tongue batting over chan’s clit while you fuck her with one finger. chan gasps, her pussy gushing, and grips the back of felix’s head in approval.

“ah. yeah, there we go, fuckin’- eat daddy’s pussy. y-you too, c’mon,” she grunts, yanking at your hair where your head rests on her thigh. when your tongue joins lix’s it’s even messier, both of your lips smacking against eachothers and the little button you’re working on. it makes chan whine this broken, strangled noise that has you sliding another finger inside of her.

chan reaches down, pulling her mound back, and the exposure of her clit fully to your mouths makes you and felix both moan. you know it’s more sensitive like this, and you switch to directly laving your tongue over the bud. your fingers crook inside of her, and you feel a shorter, smaller finger slide in next to you. felix’s tongue licks over your lips affectionately, swirling around the other side of chan’s clit that she can get to, and chan moans so loud you think the walls shake.

“i’m gonna cum, keep going, keep going,” chan mumbles, and when you look up at her her eyes are half lidded, rolling back into her head. she's leaning up on her forearms again, attempting to watch you, and you curl your fingers again to watch her gasp. her pussy is wet, and felix noses at your cheek until you turn to her. “fuck, kiss for me. kiss for me, babies, please.”

her own fingers come down to her clit and rub in fast little circles, and felix pushes her tongue into your mouth while you both finger fuck the eldest member of your lovely trio. it seems to be enough for chan. when you and felix switch to sloppy, open mouth kisses, the combination of her own fingers on her clit and yours and felix’s inside of her has her spraying her release down your forearms, messy and sloppy on your skin.

the feeling shocks you, and you pull back from them both, blinking rapidly at yours and her skin. it’s soaked, and lix only giggles, leaning down to lick up your forearm.

“ah, that’s- seriously, lix?” chan swats at her playfully, still out of breath. “you’re dirty. both of you. you’re menaces. minxes.”

“is that the plural of minx?” you mumble, gripping felix’s arm to lick her clean, too. chan only sighs, trying to chastise you both despite her sports bra still pulled under her tits. the sight makes you want round two. “mm, tasty. happy anniversary, who’s getting head next?”

chan sighs again. felix shrieks, but points at herself.

[bandgie]

Just Once - Say Yes

werewolf!Chan x fem!reader

warnings! MDNI 18+, biting, very slight blood mentions, PIV, no protection, rut, knotting, fingering, nipple play, reader says it hurts once, breeding mentions, monsterfucking? (I could have done more)

notes! you know im down bad when I get wet from just seeing images of chan like what the fuck?

2.5k words

Chan knows he’s not supposed to be here, yet, that’s exactly where he is. It’s almost as if he’s not in control of his body and in a way he’s not. Your scent fills his nose even through the shut door of your bedroom. You’re sleeping, he figures. He can hear your steady, slow breaths and the gentle snores. 

His feet are planted, head resting on the wooden door as he groans. Chan wants so desperately to wake you up. To softly knock on your door until you answer in the dead of the night. Maybe seeing you will satiate his thirst. Just a glance at your figure can help him - it will be enough, but he’s not thinking rationally right now. He can’t. Not when his rut is at an all-time high. Chan is on top of his suppressors, but his breeding period and the full moon makes for an unbearable combo. 

He knows you will answer no matter how late it is. Chan can easily imagine you opening the door, dazed and confused. He would tell you he’s having a hard time by himself, tell you that he desperately needs your help.

Or maybe he wouldn’t say anything at all. He could just grab your plush hips and pull you into a kiss. Maybe you’d mumble sleepy questions, squeak when his hands find the fat of your ass, but you’d let him. He knows you would. 

That’s why he has to leave. Now. His cock throbs just thinking about how pliant you are for him. He tells himself that he’ll be satisfied with his hand or his fleshight which makes a shitty substitute. Chan knows breeding a human during such an intense time would be too much, too rough for them. As much as his body and wolf beg for you, that sliver of humanity is intact.

So he whines, quiet and high. Chan wills his legs to move, stepping back until he’s no longer pressed against your door. The floorboards creak under his feet with every step. He swears they’re telling him to go back, to bang on your door and pump you until he’s sure you’re knocked up. He really has lost it, convinced that the wood beneath is telling him to screw you.

Unbelievable. 

He’s too busy laughing and fighting with himself to hear you slip out of bed. Chan misses your quiet feet treading to your bedroom door, slowly opening it as you adjust your eyes in the dark. 

“Channie?”

The floorboards must be cursed to sound like you or maybe his rut is just that bad. He tried to brush off your call as him going insane, but the hair on his neck stands and the smell of you is so much stronger. Chan doesn’t want to turn around for your sake. His composure will break and he doesn’t want to imagine what you look like right now. 

“What are you doing out here?” You sound so tired barely coming out of your slumber. Chan doesn’t sense any fear from you, not even worry. You’re far too sleepy to feel anything beyond confusion. The trust you have for your lover, even if he is half beast, is endearing. It makes his heart swell and his stomach turn. He can’t tell if your love for him is naive or pure. Perhaps both.

He’s going to tell you that he’s okay. He just had a bad dream and needed to walk around the house for a bit. It’s not uncommon to see your boyfriend wandering the house late at night; you know how difficult it is for him to sleep. Chan was going to tell you, but he felt your hand wrap around his bicep. You gently tug him until he faces you and what a mistake that is. You’re dressed in a shirt much too big for you, his shirt. It barely goes past your ass and your pebbled nipples poke through the fabric. Your eyes are squinted, lips swollen from sleep. Chan’s eyes are captivated by your human beauty when you say, “Channie, is everything okay?”

No, everything is not okay. Chan’s been fucking into his hand for hours pretending it’s you - he’s knotted into his toy countless times. When he did get the stupid courage to go to your door, he backed away. It’s even worse now his cock is leaking being so close to you.

You should have stayed sleeping.

His strong arms wrap around your torso, pulling you in. There’s no time to question him when Chan presses his lips against yours. Your lover is usually gentle during kisses. He takes time to cup your cheek, to tilt his head so your mouths can better align. If he was really into it, he would suck on your bottom lip only to bite it until you gasped.

He doesn’t kiss you like that now, not even in the slightest. His hands cup your ass just as he imagined. They knead and dig into your flesh, pressing you flush against his crotch. His lips are rough and messy. Your teeth clash almost animalistically and he hears you whine into the kiss. Chan can’t tell if you're whining due to the neediness from his mouth or cock. He knows you can feel his stiffness against your leg. 

Your dainty hands find his chest to gently push at it. Chan’s usually good at reading the room, knowing what to do and when to do it. But this isn’t your Channie. He can’t even feel your fists when he keeps shoving his tongue down your throat. The taste of you is addicting. All he wants to do is feel you from the inside out. To have every part of him connected with you in the most primal way. 

It’s not until you whimper again that he notices. Chan sucks harshly on your tongue before he pulls away with a string of saliva connecting your mouths. His eyes are dazed when he looks at your features. Your face is flushed and your eyes are wide. If you were still asleep before, you’re wide awake now. Chan can tell you’re trying to come up with what to say, but you already know. You can feel his boner on your thigh, you can see the glow in his eyes, and the fact that his body seems thicker, denser. Chan has only let you see him during the end of his rut. He’ll lock himself in his room for days until he’s ready to socialize. You could always hear him on the other side though. How the slick sounds of whatever he’s using are surely filled with cum. If you pressed your ear against the frame, you could hear him softly calling out your name. You wanted to see him so bad. No matter how many times you asked, Chan would turn you down. It’s too dangerous, he’d said. I don't want to hurt you.

But that Chan is nowhere to be found. Instead, you’re faced with the very wolf he’s tried so desperately to keep you from. 

“Sorry,” he already knows what trouble you’ll be in tonight. “Hurts so bad. I can’t take it.” Chan grinds his cock to show you. “Just one knot. Just one I promise.” Ah, a promise. You both know how much Chan loves keeping his promises, but this is one he doesn’t know you’re hoping he’ll break. 

He doesn’t even know why he’s asking. He doesn’t think stopping is possible at this point, but he’d try. Chan is already trying to ignore how his lips ache for yours and stop thinking about how perfectly your body molds into his, but you hold on to him tighter. 

Chan doesn’t hear you say yes with how loud his blood drums in his ears, but he does see you nod. The sultry look in your eyes will do you more harm than good. He doesn't ask twice, doesn’t think twice. He smashes his lips against yours again, walking you back to your room without caring how you trip over your own feet. 

You feel the bed on the back of your knees and Chan rips himself from the kiss. He pushes you on the mattress, quickly crawling over you as one of his hands lifts the shirt to your shoulder. You gasp at how quickly he’s moving. His hot mouth is already latched onto your nipple while his hand dips past your underwear. 

By some magic, you’re already wet. Chan only plays with your clit for seconds before dripping his thick fingers into your heat. Squeals and wet pumps fill the room. Your back arches when he bites on your nipple, tugging the bud and letting go before doing it all over again. Bruises are already forming on your breast and Chan is eager to make your other match. His slick fingers pull from your pussy to tug your underwear down instead.

Your panties hang from one ankle, legs wide as Chan settles between them. The entrance of your cunt slightly gapes from his fingers. No time is wasted as he shrugs his boxers off, eyes never leaving your core. You almost want to close your legs from his staring, but you would miss the view of his cock springing free. 

“Oh shit,” you gawk at his size. Chan’s always been thick, a fat head that always stretches you out just right. But this - this is massive. His rut must make everything bigger. Even the knot that sits at the base of his cock seems triple in size. “Channie, I don’t think- there’s no way in hell you can fit.”

But he’s already stroking himself. Your worries fall on deaf ears when his fat tip touches your clit. He moans at the feeling of your lips around him. He presses his cock so that it grinds against your flesh hard. Your mouth falls open, gaze dropping so you can see him rock against your pussy. 

You think you could cum just like this. His engorged cock provides the perfect veins and ridges for stimulation. Still, your cunt clenches pathetically around nothing. Curiosity is a dangerous thing. It makes you think about what it would feel like to have his raw cock in you. Chan can tell you’re ready for it when you start grinding back, tilting your hips so his tip catches your entrance. 

It’s going to fit - he’ll make sure. Even if you cry and beg for him to slow down, he knows your body will break for him.

And it does just that with the first intrusion. The swell of his cock easily slides into you with a few inches following before he meets the inevitable resistance of your tight cunt. You whine, hands finding purchase on the pillow beneath you. It doesn't hurt, not in the slightest, but you can feel the pressure. Your walls clench and squeeze his girth until he forces himself to pull an inch out.

“Baby, shit,” he breathes. Chan attempts to gain composure through controlled inhales and exhales. “Why are you always so tight?”

Before you can even think about answering his rhetorical question, he thrusts himself deeper. Chan follows his breath, using his airflow as a metronome. In, out, in, out. Deeper, inch by inch, before he sees his knot come to contact with your cunt. 

He’s trying, really trying not to just pin your hands down by your sides and fuck his hips into you. Instead, he keeps his hands at your thighs, but he’s not sure if that’s any better. Chan’s claws dig into your tender flesh leaving marks that nearly split your skin. It must hurt with how hard he’s gripping you but your eyes roll to the back of your head with every thrust. 

Just like he thought, you’re so good to him. Even with your pretty whines and whimpers, you’re still such a good girl for your Channie.

Such a good girl.

It gets to him: your flushed cheeks, your bouncing tits, the moans that tumble from your swollen lips, and how your hands have moved from the pillow to try and grasp onto him instead. You must want more, he reasons. You must with the cream he sees coating his length every time he pulls out. You must with how you’re chanting his name, nearly sobbing it. 

You must with how you make his knot ache, begging to already shove its way inside you and spill. 

Chan can imagine it, he can taste it. It’s such a strong need that he growls, his sharp canines showing from his lips pulled back into an animalistic snarl. Saliva drips down his teeth when he thinks about biting you. Leaving marks on your neck that will only help hold you down while his knot finds its place in your womb. You hardly notice the droll seeping your tummy, too caught up with how harshly Chan is fucking into you.

You do, however, feel how his hips change pace. They get harder, sloppier as if he’s trying to shove that god-forsaken knot into you. 

“Channie!” It’s half-panicked and half-breathless. “Wait! That’s not - hng! I can’t-”

“You can,” he snarls. “And I will.”

Now you can see his teeth that clamp down so hard that his drool is tinted with pink. This is the first time you’ve seen him for what he truly is - a beast. A monster in its purest form with eyes that seem to glow, pitch-black nails that will surely leave marks for weeks, and canines you know can shred you in a second. 

Even with all of that, you know that this man - this wolf - is Channie. Your Channie.

So you don’t whine against him anymore. You don’t try to escape him when he lays his head in between your shoulder and neck to sink his teeth into. You embrace the bite, fully expecting unbearable pain, but instead, it’s blinded by the stretch of his knot in you.

Pleasure and pain intertwine, unable to separate from each other when Chan completely surrounds you. But your body reacts before your brain can. You let out a yelp and scratch your dull nails down his sculpted back. Chan moans into your neck at the feeling, shoving his hips impossibly deeper just to feel you do it again. 

“Sh-shit! Channie! Hurts…” but he doesn’t see your eyes roll to the back of your head at the feeling of his seed pumping into you. 

Chan doesn’t reply, can’t reply with how he’s pulled his teeth from you and begun licking your wounds. But he knows. His balls tense and release with every spurt of cum he gives you and you whimper with every pump. 

He’ll apologize in the morning; pamper you and make sure that you’re well rested. He’ll make sure to take care of you real good, especially with the chance of you giving him pups. 

Fuck. He can’t think like that. His cock jumps at the thought and he swears his knot swells all over again. Chan inhales your human scent, reminding him that you’re his priority no matter how much his rut makes him needy to breed. But even in his frenzy state, he doesn’t dare to tell you knotting can last up to 30 minutes.

[bluejutdae]

“Oh, let there be hotel complaints” | Chan x you

warnings: nsfw, D/s dynamics, face and pussy slapping, overstimulation, mention of safewords, Daddy kink.

This is just Chan brain rot and my mind gently suggested me the image of first time inexperienced Dom Chan who wants to try some BDSM but he’s too scared to hurt you so he decides he’a going to try on himself all that he’s gonna do to you…

Title from Dinner & Diatribes by Hozier

Chan has had plenty of vanilla sex, but then you introduced him to BDSM, and especially the concepts of Doms and Subs, and something switched in him. He started reading online forums and blogs. And when the topic arose again, he clearly told you he’s interested, but he won’t do it yet. Because the thing is: despite how hard even just reading stuff about it makes him, he has no experience, and he won’t risk hurting you.

So, he does what any good Dom should do in his eyes, he tries things on himself.

One day you turn home to find his face red and a bit swollen, but when you ask about it, he just distracts you with filthy kisses. What you don’t know is that he slapped and slapped and slapped himself until he deemed he had found the right strength to use.

Another day he disappears for the whole afternoon and, when you see him in the living room, he looks flushed and a little exhausted, but giddy. Just like Changbin when he maxes out at the gym and he’s incredibly tired but proud of himself. What you don’t know is that he spent the afternoon edging himself with a vibrator on his shaft and his tip and, after hours of denying himself, he came and proceeded to overstimulate himself, because it’s only logical to pair up the two experiences, right?

What you noticed though, is that there’s a change in him. He’s more assertive with you on some days, makes sure you eat and doesn’t let you go to sleep if you haven’t removed your makeup. Pushes you to sleep more when he knows you have had a bad day at work, and every time you comply and thank him for taking care of you, he kisses a little filthier, holds you a little firmer.

It’s months later when he asks if you can try something kinkier. You’re excited and happy and you start to mentally prepare yourself to be a good teacher without forgetting this is about pleasure. But then Chan shows you exactly how deep the still water runs deep.

“You’re gonna sit there” he says and he’s so commanding yet sexy you melt instantly. “And we’re gonna have a quick talk. Nothing too extreme is going to happen today, but I need to establish some rules”. You nod in response, and he looks at you with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “You’re gonna use your pretty words, baby girl.” That’s it. Not a suggestion, not an option, a rule. Fuck, you knew he would be good at this.

“I understand.”

He’s quick with the rules: you must verbally answer, you’re gonna use the traffic light system for now, you must use the safe word if you need to, and the moment you think something’s wrong he’s gonna stop. You also must ask for what you want, not just take it.

Not too long later you’re on the bed, shirt previously discarded and clad only in your panties. And Chan is completely dressed, hovering over you. He’s been kissing you deeply and touching you just enough to make you want so much more. You’re embarrassingly wet and you’re sure you’ll have to throw away your panties. He’s holding your crossed arms at the wrists and, in doing so, he’s holding you down. You try to buck and raise your ass to relieve some of the dull aching you’re feeling in your core. “C’mon Channie, touch me.”

“But I am touching you…” he replies with a smirk on his lips. His free hand caresses your face, and he tests the gives of your lower lip with his thumb. When you suck on it, though, he takes it away and shakes his head. “What did I say?” You are lost, what happened? Did he say something?

“You’re just a cockhungry whore, uh? You can’t even wait for me to give you something, you’re so greedy you just want to take and take.”

Oh.

The realization in your face makes Chan smile. “There it is… tell me what you did wrong, and I might consider going easy on you.”

“I didn’t ask to suck your thumb-” he knows there’s something you want to add, he knows about your Daddy kink. And it turns him so fucking on, but he’s not gonna press about it. He considers your words and considers just letting it slide, but there’s flames licking at his insides.

“Too bad you didn’t ask, uh?”

Sudden, sharp pain irradiates on your left cheek and it’s less the pain and more the surprise that makes you gasp and, less than a second later, moan. Chan wants to apologize, years of conditioning making him feel guilty and mean and abusive, but he can’t deny what he feels.

He grabs your face, fingers splayed where he slapped mere seconds ago, wet thumb digging into the opposite cheek and kisses you messy and filthy, sucking your tongue in his mouth. Chan removes the last piece of clothing you have on and sits on his knees, with his thighs slightly spread apart. He holds your legs open with firm hands, one on your calf and the other clamped around your knee. He’s just… staring at your pussy. You try to squirm away and close your legs, but his eyes are suddenly on you. There’s a warning in his face that accompanies a displeased sound. “Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry” you blurt out trying to repair something before you do too much damage. You can feel wetness dripping down your folds, and Chan can too. “You’re so wet. Fuck, you love being on display for me…” He has never felt this. There’s a power rush, a shiver starting from his spine and moving towards opposite endings: towards his brain, making him lose words and making him want to act up, want to deliciously destroy you, making a mess of you and then put you back together; and on the other ending, traveling south towards his cock and balls. He’s been ready to cum the moment he sat you down and you agreed to do this.

“Love, are you just going to stare at me?” You ask when you grow too impatient to keep sitting still, a bit embarrassed too by his too focused staring. He shakes his head, and there is a quiet chuckle that can be heard in the room. His lips raise in a slow smirk, like he’s just been made aware of a secret, and you didn’t. And maybe he did.

Chan made plans for tonight. Plural. You told him you like not knowing everything in advance, so he planned different plans based on your responses to his actions. It was harder than organizing recording sessions. But since he saw your reactions earlier, he decides to stick to a precise plan. So, he acts in it.

Quickly and hard he delivers a slap on your inner thigh, the pain is a delicious sensation, hot and cold at the same time. A moment later the skin reddens to show Chan’s handprint and if possible, his cock gets ever harder. It twitches a little from where it’s hidden, head flushed and red, slowly but constantly leaking precum, forming a wet stain on his slacks .

“Fuck Chan!” You cry to his direction, eyes closed shut and brows knit in pleasure. You can feel heat where he hit you, and you want to press your fingers into it, wanting to feel the warmth and the pain and the pleasure. The moment you are ready to ask him for something, he delivers another slap in the same place. This time, though, Chan doesn’t let you breathe it out, doesn’t let you take your time to recover from it, no. He rakes his nails on your hot skin, watches as the skin quickly goes from red to white and to an even redder red where he scratched you. Digs his digits into your skin and revels in your gasps, feeling hot and ready to lose control, if a wind would blow in the room, he would cum in an instant. He’s ready for your next moan, your next gasp, but you’re quiet and your legs are trembling, and he’s scared he’s gone too far. He’s on the verge of apologizing, carrying you to the bathroom for a warm bath and cuddles and more apologies when he realizes he read you wrong. He didn’t give you too much, he gave you exactly what you needed, because -unbelievably so, for him- you’re coming. Clit untouched and your sopping hole twitching and throbbing around nothing, but you’re clearly coming. This is a different one, though. You’ve never been quiet while having an orgasm, but watching you with more attention calms him down, you look fine. He kisses you from your thigh to your cheekbone, stopping to nibble at your nipples, tongue lapping at your skin and sucking quick marks on you. “My pretty slut” a kiss on the nose, “you’re so greedy” a kiss on the right cheek, “your little pussy came untouched” a kiss on the forehead, “now I must give it some attention” a kiss on your chin. “Tell me your color?” He adds, tone sweeter and a hand caressing your face like you’re made of the finest glass.

“Green”. A smile appears on his face and he manhandles you to straddle his slacks covered thigh. Your wetness is seeping through the fabric, you squirm and he can see you’re embarrassed. “I told you I was gonna give it some attention. I want my baby girl to feel good.” He grabs you by your hips and forces you to move and grind your pussy on the fabric of his slacks. One of his hands sneaks into your hair and he pulls, stopping you from hiding into his neck. “No hiding. And stop hiding all your pretty sounds from me.”

The pleasure mixed with the overstimulation are overwhelming, and Chan’s new role is playing a big role in the moment and your arousal. His fingers are probably going to leave bruises in your skin, and you can’t wait to stand in front of a mirror to see them. Chan hands guide you back and forth and soon you’re clenching around nothing, “m’close Channie”, too desperate to control your movements.

“It’s okay, my baby. Just ask for it.” His hard cock is begging to be touched, still in the confines of his underwear and trousers. Yet, he has never been this hard and close to coming untouched. Your moans, the redness on your cheeks, the sweat matting your hair to your forehead and your incessant moans and cries of pleasure are making him lose his mind.

“Please Channie, can I cum?” You pant. “Let me cum, Daddy.” The last word is whispered, muffled into his shoulder but he hears it anyway. And he understands why you like it, the name giving him power, giving him a specific role, giving him the chance to give you exactly what you need.

“Then cum for Daddy.”

He watches you as cum, hands guiding your movements and his muscles flexing to give you as much pleasure as he can. He loves you like this, unabashed and free, vulnerable just for him.

But having you moaning and screaming his name is not enough. He doesn’t stop when you try to take a moment to collect yourself, he fixes his hold on your hips and forces your movements again. Back and forth, back and forth, again and again and it doesn’t matter how loud you whine, it doesn't matter your overstimulation, what matters now is making you cum another time. Anytime he pushes you towards him, he also pushes you down, setting an unforgiving pace that is torture on your sensitive clit. He’s relentless, but after just a few minutes you’re both rewarded with your legs clamping down on his thigh as you cum again. Unbelievably so, watching your second orgasm triggers his own orgasm and he moans your name loudly. He kisses you, messy and hungry, lips demanding and tongue insistent, claiming even your breath.

You’re gripping his shirt so hard, your fingers hurt. He delicately lays you down onto the bed and kisses you softly. As soon as his breathing comes back to normal, his worries come back too.

“Are you okay, baby? Did I hurt you? Was it too much? What do yo-“ you interrupt him with silly, quick kisses, trying to diminish his worries.

“I am more than okay.” A kiss. “I feel perfect.” A kiss. “You were perfect.” A kiss. “You’re always perfect, love.” A kiss. “I love you.” A kiss.

You kiss some more and he insists on showering together so he can take care of you and make sure you drink water and eat some fruit and chocolate. He tells you all about trying on himself what he did to you, and you’ve never loved him more.

[straylightdream]

open mind

Seo Changbin x f.reader

college au

↳ I’m letting you know that I want you baby.

wc: 4.5k

warnings: protected sex, dirty talk, begging, semi public sexual acts, oral (male receiving), size kink, spanking, edging, soft dom Changbin, dry humping, masturbation,  names such as: (baby, kitten)

PART TWO

an: I wrote a Jisung story Strawberry Latte and a chan story I Think I Like You that is loosely connected to this story, and a Chan story is being written now. If you want to be tagged let me know.

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.

To say Seo Changbin is distracting would be an understatement. Sitting in your Lit class you’re attempting to listen to your professor but your eyes keep shifting over to Changbin who is tapping his pencil on his desk. You and Changbin have an interesting relationship to say the least. About three months ago you and Changbin started studying together, and all those study sessions always lead to you pinned to one surface or another with Changbin kissing you like he’s trying to take your clothes off. He’s is the type of man who likes to feel you up while you kiss. You’ve heard many rumors from girls talking about how Changbin knows his way around a woman’s body. From personal experience you can agree with them. Since your first kiss he’s learned all the right spots to touch you that leaves you moaning against his lips. You’ve left many study sessions feeling too turned on for your own good.

He continues to tap his pencil and you made the deadly mistake of making eye contact with him. He bites his bottom lip slowly as he stares back at you. He’s looking at you like he’s picturing you naked. “You can’t take your eyes off me,” he smirks, leaning on his desk closer to you. 

“You’re just distracting me with that pencil,” you look away from him quickly. You can’t fall into his trap. 

“If you’re distracted by me it’s totally fine. I mean I’m distracted by you,” his tongue runs across his bottom lip. Butterflies flutter in your stomach. This man is absolutely erotic to you with little to no effort.  

“Changbin,” you sigh. 

“I have a great idea,” he reaches over resting his hand on your thigh just like he does every time before he kisses you.

“Changbin, pay attention.”

“I can’t help if I’m focused on you,” his hand slides towards the inside of your thigh. Your heart races as his hand drags closer to the one area you’re dying for him to touch even though you’re in public.

“Changbin.”

“How about when this class is over we finally fuck?” He gives you a deadly smile as he rubs your thigh. 

Keep reading

[lisanamjoon]

HYUNJIN | ELLE KOREA | MAY 2024 ♡

[ashitshowforalot]

let me clear my throat real quick

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSVSBSJWGHSKSBSBIANKAH

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Thunderous

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Bang Chan

Word Count: 11K

Genre: Werewolf AU! Royalty AU!

Warnings: There are some elements of non-con in this fanfic. Please don’t read if you don’t like those elements. Mentions of knotting and rough sex. There’s also a lot of explicit smut and language throughout.

Summary: The Wolf King’s name seared your heart. You had been chosen as the youngest and most expendable daughter to be his mate. But you were terrified of the legends surrounding his bloody campaigns. How were you going to survive?

Tag List: @armystay89 @captainchrisstan @starseekersworld @melsunshine @kibs-and-bits

The Wolf King’s name whispered through the trees and hummed between the villages like the ancient stories of the gods.

Some of the villagers claimed that he could transform—bones cracking and teeth elongating until there was no man left. They said his claws could cut through trees and that his howl silenced the instincts of the mountain lions who cowered in their dens. In place of human skin, fur sprouted thick and rough, darkening until it matched the color of the shadows.

The myth and lore had been passed down for years, and you found yourself on the receiving end of all those stories. As the Wolf King’s future mate, you had also become something of an enigma around the kingdom. People looked at you with a glint of respect, bowing their heads and moving out of your way whenever you made your rounds. 

The attention that you hated. Especially when the marriage had been arranged without your willing compliance. Young girl fantasies of handsome princes and distant lands vanquished in an instant. But even if you couldn’t indulge in happiness anymore, there had been a time when you allowed yourself to dream about your wedding. 

Bubbling colors of red and green—like your kingdom’s annual yuletide celebrations—and a long, flowing white gown extending across the floor like an elegant brush of paint. Pure as you had always been. There was beautiful music in your dream, and a gorgeous prince to take you into his arms and glide you across the floor like the clouds moving in the sky.

Fantasies, indeed.

Instead, of merriment and goodwill, you found yourself trembling from head to toe, holding tight to the sleeve of your handmaiden’s gown as she escorted you through the recital hall, down the aisle to where you recognized the Wolf King waiting.

You had only met him twice before. Once, when you had just turned twelve, on the day your families agreed to meet over the prospect of securing peace between your rival kingdoms.

When you were both little children, the Wolf King had no reputation. He was just a boy, and you greeted him with a smile—ignorant of the true purpose of your first meeting. While your parents talked about the future, you showed the Wolf King your favorite flowers, handing him individual stems while your mother bargained your life away:

“A union is our commitment to peace,” your mother had once proclaimed, reaching out to softly pat your curls. “We think they’ll do well together.”

“Yes.” But Chan’s mother didn’t seem convinced. She was an elegant and beautiful woman with long black hair and bright red eyes to match his defining features. “Chan will decide who he wants to marry,” his mother said.

“Y/N will make a good wife when she comes of age,” your mother insisted. “We’ll hire the best teachers to ensure that she is prepared for her duties.”

“That matters little to us,” Chan’s father spoke, and he regarded you like one might grimace at an annoying ant to step on.

You shied away from his intimidating stare, looking instead at Chan as he designed a flower crown for you, placing it on top of your head with a proud smile.

It was the last time he would ever show such kindness.

Over the years proceding your first meeting, Chan became a man, and his reputation for ruthlessness and fury ignited a storm of gossip. 

“The Wolf King stands taller than the gods!”

“The Wolf King slaughtered a village because they refused to bow down to him!”

“He’s a monster! Have mercy on us all!”

You became terrified at any mention of the Wolf King, wondering if your parents were still serious about a union. You found out the hard way when your mother invited the Wolf King and his generals to your kingdom. But you didn’t stick around for very long.

The next time you met, you were sixteen, and you ran away to the gardens in a rare show of rebellion against your parents who had expected you to dress pretty and show off for Chan.

But that wasn’t in your nature, and your instincts screamed at you to avoid the Wolf King. And you thought that you were alone in the forest. Surrounded by the quiet of the thick foliage. But then you heard the bushes move, and you noticed a large black head peering at you with piercing red eyes.

You relaxed when you realized that it was just a common wolf—probably one from the mountain packs, and you weren’t frightened. Animals had always held a special place in your heart, and you approached the wolf with palms upturned to show your peaceful intentions. The wolf never moved, and you stroked your fingers through the coarse fur on his head. 

You returned home that evening thinking your father would scold you for running off like that. But you were instead warmly greeted by your parents who were both ecstatic. “He agreed to marry you, Y/N!” your mother exclaimed. “Isn’t that wonderful?”

It wasn’t.

Not at all.

And you had never experienced real fear in your entire life. But walking down the aisle in the chapel to where the fearless Wolf King waited for you, there was a bone-chilling tremble aching down your spine.

“So beautiful,” you heard faint whispers join together, urging you closer and closer to the Wolf King who gazed at you with the most intense stare you had ever received.

When you were within earshot, the Wolf King snatched your hand from the poor handmaiden who had been helping you walk down the aisle.

The girl quickly jumped to the side, bowing her head as the Wolf King forced you to stand in front of him, reaching down for your other hand. You reluctantly gave it to him, still looking at everything except for the Wolf King’s eyes, even if the little growl he gave showed that he disapproved.

You could hear your mother’s chastising voice in your head, scolding you for not pleasing the King. But you didn’t care anymore. Wasn’t it enough that you were standing there, giving your life away to a monster?

In the distant background, you could hear the priest delivering his lines, and when it was your turn, you gave your vow of allegiance, even if the words fell hot like acid from your unwilling tongue.

Thankfully, the ceremony did not require you to kiss him, dodging his wayward lips when they fell too close to yours. 

There was a rush when the proceedings concluded, the firm ushering of hands leading you out of the chapel. You stumbled in your heels, bringing yourself inadvertently closer to the Wolf King who held tighter to your waist. You did not enjoy the closeness, swallowing down your nerves as you tried not to think about what came next.

The crowd eventually parted, giving you enough space to walk down the steps in the open air, briefly acknowledging the cheering crowd spread through the streets. There was a distinct awe in the noise from the people around you, clambering over one another to get a good like at yourself and the predator who would soon claim you for his own. Wanting to acquaint themselves with your kingdom’s bargaining chip—a small sacrifice to ensure an alliance between your people and the ones who fought under Chan’s domain.

On paper, it seemed like a worthy solution to helping your kingdom protect its borders and fight off invaders. The problem was that you felt the weight of pleasing a man you had no interest in—someone who frightened you to your core. A sick knot tightened in your guts and your stomach clenched tighter as Chan led you to Castle Miroh—the notorious landmark of his territory symbolizing the power of the ruling family.

As the main doors parted, you winced at the sensation of the cold and harsh air inside, and a shiver passed down your spine as you forced yourself to keep up with Chan’s incessant pace, footsteps clacking against marble. It was dark in the corridors, and the only lighting came from the flames ensconced along the walls, casting everything in shadows. Ahead in the distance, you could see the outline of a grand staircase, and your eyes worked tirelessly to mark each step on your darkened path.

It turned out that Chan kept his quarters on the highest floor, latching your fingers together the entire time, even as you forced down the bile permanently hitched at the back of your throat at the thought of all the blood that had stained those hands. 

At the top of the staircase, you were pulled to the left, marching down an impressive corridor with a soft, velvet carpet beneath your soles. Eventually, you found yourself in front of a large, wooden door, and Chan ushered you through the frame, a hand to your lower back as your eyes paused on the King-sized bed waiting beneath an unholy painting of a bloody battle scene.

You will present yourself to the Wolf King, you recalled the words of your tutor. He will expect obedience from his mate.

You blinked away tears, knowing what you were expected to do next, and deciding to push through your nerves before you lost the contents of your stomach on the floor. Every fiber of your being screamed at you to run, but you ignored your instincts, loosening the straps of your dress to allow it to pool into a mess on the floor at your feet, and kicking it aside as you eliminated the remaining distance to the bed. 

You didn’t want to show him that you were weak. That he had any sort of influence that might condemn you a coward. You could not be seen as pathetic in the eyes of a monster, crawling on hands and knees to the center of the bed, head ducked down between your trembling arms and waiting.

Your breath caught when the bed dipped beneath his weight, and you gritted your teeth, feeling his hands take your hips with a powerful grip, nails digging into the soft skin.

The Wolf King will fuck you, your tutor had said, Then he will bite you to complete the mating ritual.

You had seen the Wolf King’s teeth. Sharp like razors and pointed at the ends. You would be a bloody mess at the end of this, but no one could ever accuse you of shirking your responsibilities. You had done everything expected of you, holding on to this thought of solace as you waited for him to take his fill.

“Don’t,” he abruptly whispered, startling you as he laid down on the mattress at your side, closing his eyes and letting out a grumble, completely unbothered with his own nakedness. 

It must’ve happened while you were turned away, but it was still jarring to see so much pale skin on display, marred with jagged scars and scarlet bruises. Eyes trailing over the swell of his chest, over the ridges of his abs, and down to this impressive cock. 

You swallowed hard. “Aren’t you going to fuck me?”

“No,” Chan said, chest deflating. “You do not want that.”

His response surprised you, and you wanted nothing more than to hurriedly tuck the sheet around your body to hide you from him. “I thought you were meant to-”

“We are equals,” Chan interrupted with a much firmer tone. “And you are afraid.”

Equals? The word didn’t seem right coming from him, but you weren’t about to question what was seemingly amounting to an act of mercy. Quick as a flash, you had the sheet bundled against your chest, eyes wide as you looked him over. “The mating-”

“We can do the bite,” Chan continued as if he didn’t care that he wasn’t fulfilling the only purpose you had been given. “But in the morning. The celebrations earlier exhausted me. Such frivolous trivialities.”

“Won’t they notice-”

“Who are they?” Chan barked with a hint of a growl that had you flinching. “There is no one who orders the King around.”

His dark pupils met yours in the dark, searching for something. You swallowed hard, unsure what he was looking for, but focusing on the calming sensation of relief flooding your system at his unexpected mercy. “Thank you.”

He gave a curt nod, dipping his head to the space next to him. “Sleep.”

You obeyed, wondering if you could sleep next to him, even if he had shown you some degree of kindness. It still didn’t erase his bloody reputation, and it worried you to no end that you would be sleeping next to a killer. Born to fight his way to power and rule over his kind. 

You took a deep breath, holding tight to the sheet, and closing your eyes. Perhaps it was the roller coaster of emotions weighing down on you from the day’s events, but you did manage to find sleep, even if it was troubled. Nightmares of wolves following you through the woods, red irises piercing you from the shelter of the trees, and claws slicing through flesh. 

You gasped when your eyes sprung open against an onslaught of bright, morning light, heart palpitating in your chest when you met those same eyes looking down at you from above. Chan was a step ahead of you as if he could predict your movements, grabbing your hands in one of his own to hold them above your head. One of his powerful thighs slung across your lower body, holding you in place with a strength that ignited a fire of burning adrenaline. 

“Hold still,” he said, giving you no other warning before teeth sank into the side of your neck, and your body panicked, fighting against him. Like he might take a chunk out of your neck and leave you on the bed to bleed out. Crimson against the cream-colored sheets. 

Immediately, a pulsating shock erupted from the site of the wound, forcing a scream from between your lips at the overwhelming pain. “I know,” he said, and it was barely discernible over the sounds of your cries, unashamed to lose all inhibitions at the sensation of a pain you had never experienced before.

The Wolf King moved over top of you, and you flinched when you felt his tongue start to lap at the painful bite mark on your shoulder. “The pain will stop soon,” he said. “I’m sorry you have to suffer.”

You held back a whine, digging your nails into the soft flesh of your palms. You supposed he had helped the sting, but it still felt like a piece of glass was being sliced across your skin. Even if the guilt and remorse in his gaze were almost enough to distract you.

“Relax,” he soothed, releasing your hands which instinctively went to wipe at your eyes, drying the salty wetness that had accumulated. 

“I- I can’t...”

“You can because you are mine now,” he declared in a tone that had a different flame sparking in your chest. 

You nodded against the pain, focusing on taking deep breaths, and letting darkness take you under once more.

When you woke again, the King was ready for you. He explained that you were needed in the Throne Room to meet some important people. It turned out that the King had three brothers. They were all younger than him. Or so you had been told.

Their names were Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin. Feared and revered for their triumphs in battle.

Your Wolf King seemed proud to show them off, standing before you in an organized line: from oldest to youngest.

Felix reminded you of your own cousins, with his lithe figure, so much different from the King’s own bulk, and a head of flaming orange-red hair. 

Next to him, in the middle, stood Seungmin. Dressed in dark clothes that only made his already dark hair even more onyx-black. Bright green eyes appraising you slowly.

Finally, there was Jeongin. The tallest of the three. And sporting the same dark-colored hair as his middle brother. He seemed to be the most innocent, eyes wide with wonder.

“They are here to support you,” Chan went on after introductions had passed. “Call on them if you need any help.”

Unlikely, but you forced a nod nonetheless.

“You are dismissed,” Chan informed them after you gave your acquiescence, and you watched them retreat in the same formation down the hall.

In their stead approached a shorter man, dressed in full battle attire. Well-muscled to stretch the fabric of his shirt and pants, with serious dark eyes. “My King,” the man said, bowing once. “You are needed on the training fields.”

You flinched when the man’s eyes found your neck, likely noting the swollen mess that Chan had left behind. “I’ll be there shortly, Changbin,” Chan said, and he waited until the man was gone before looking at you. “The Castle is yours, my Queen. Feel free to look around and acquaint yourself with your new home.”

“I will,” you whispered, forcing yourself to stay still when he leaned in to press a chaste kiss to your forehead. 

“Tonight, we can eat together,” came his parting words, and you grimaced at the idea of sharing a meal with him. 

But the concept of sharing a meal with him was nowhere near as horrible as the idea that this place could ever be considered your home. What a nasty thought! This place was nothing more than a prison forced upon you because your parents were desperate for Chan’s allegiance.

“Why did he agree?” you huffed to yourself, spinning on your heel to start the trek back to your room—as much as you could remember. “Leaving me here as if I know where anything is!”

For months leading up to your shared nuptials, you had pondered the reason why the powerful Wolf King had even agreed to marry you in the first place. Neither of your meetings had been particularly impactful, and your Kingdom had nothing to benefit his own; in fact, your alliance was more of a detriment to Chan and his people—a burden that he willingly took on.

You turned the corner to the last corridor, grateful that you had managed to retrace your steps, faltering when you noticed something on the floor outside of your door. You kneeled to retrieve it, glancing at the writing and noting with a happy hum that it was addressed from the Northern Highlands!

“Grace!” you exclaimed, clutching the envelope to your chest as you quickly rushed inside your room, glancing back to ensure the door was locked before hopping onto the bed to rip the contents open.

Dear Y/N,

Congratulations on your marriage to Bang Chan - it will be a strong alliance for our parents and their Kingdom. 

I apologize for my absence - Hyunjin was unable to make the accommodations.

As you know, snowfall comes to the Highlands in the upcoming months. It will soon be impossible for me to journey to you, or for you to make the journey here. I’d love to see you and your new husband before it is difficult to do so.

Please write to me when you can to arrange a visit.

Lovingly,

Grace

You read over the letter twice before releasing a deep sigh. Would your Wolf King even indulge in such a trip? Perhaps it wasn’t even necessary for him to go. You could make the trip on your own.

You held fast to that thought, of getting away from your prison even if only for a few days, as you lounged around in your room for the remainder of the day. There was little to entertain yourself with, re-reading Grace’s letter over and over again, and sitting outside on the little veranda attached to your room to watch the clouds moving in the sky.

It would be another mercy to escape Chan’s presence if you were to head North alone, but you were afraid that you were pushing your luck, wincing when you heard the door to your chambers opening again, returning inside from your observation of the grounds to greet Chan as you were expected to do.

“My queen,” he rumbled, reaching out to hold your shoulders between both hands, a grip that was impossible to mistake. “Were you able to see more of the Castle?”

“Yes,” you lied through clenched teeth, only breathing a little easier when he released you, eyes dropping to the letter in your hands.

“What is that?”

“It is from my sister,” you explained. 

“I see.”

“She wasn’t able to attend the wedding,” you went on, saving yourself a bit of time as you scrambled for the best way to drop the news to him. Maybe it would just be best to try a blunt approach, giving him your demands since he insisted on calling you an equal. “I wish to see my sister,” you said, refusing to meet his gaze. “Before it is too dangerous to make the trip to the Northern Highlands.”

Chan grunted at your request, and you weren’t well-versed in his language to know what that meant. “She invited you?”

“I can go alone,” you said. “If it is too much for you.”

“I would love to come with you,” he said, disregarding the determination in your tone. “It will give us more time to spend together on our own.”

“Oh.” Your gaze remained trained on the floor, hopes dashed that you could leave him behind. 

“It will be nice to visit there,” he said. “I will make the arrangements. You may write her back to expect us very soon.”

“As you wish,” you sighed, trying to keep the disappointment from your tone, flinching when he grabbed one of your wrists. He didn’t seem perturbed by your reaction, and you watched as he pulled a delicate piece of jewelry from his pocket.

“Well?” he smiled, something that made you shiver. “What do you think?”

“What is it?” you asked in return, resisting the urge to pull back the wrist clasped between his scarred fingers. Even if you did manage to finally meet his gaze.

“It is a gift for you,” Chan said with a smile you were not expecting—blinding and warm. “I made it myself.”

“You made this?”

“As our traditions dictate,” he agreed, keeping a firm hold on your wrist to clasp the little bracelet around your delicate flesh. “It is meant to show our bond to the world.”

You studied it curiously, noting the simple design and the small wolf-shaped carvings engraved in the metal. It was cold against your skin, even as the heat from his body balanced it out.

“Shall we eat?”

He dropped your wrist, and you were able to gather your bearings. “Of course.” You managed a nod, watching as he opened the door wide, allowing a small servant girl to enter the room.

The girl offered you both a respectful bow before she started to set the table, laying out silverware and fine china plates. Behind her, another girl rolled in a cart, wheels squealing on the floor, with prepared food steaming from beneath metal lids. 

“Here, sit with me,” Chan said, patting the space on the bed next to him. “Until they are ready.”

You obeyed, sitting down next to him. Your gaze remained trained on the servant girls, moving about in a well-rehearsed manner as if they had done this too many times to count. 

He reached for your hand, and you did your best not to flinch. “Look,” he whispered, urging you to follow his gaze. “This line on your hand, do you see the way it moves?”

You shivered as he traced the mark he referred to, following it up and down the length of your palm. “Yes,” you whispered, struck by the unexpected intimacy of the gesture.

Goosebumps followed the trail he left on your wrist, and you held your breath when he brought it to his lips. “The same as mine,” he said, almost reverently. Your eyes widened, breath hitching as he aligned your hands together. “A perfect match.”

You could hardly believe it, eyes searching back and forth, but seeing the same line digging into both of your skin. Like it belonged there. 

“There are reasons for everything,” he said, and you felt a small flicker of shame when you read his knowing gaze as if he could sense those dark thoughts that you sheltered about him—wondering why you out of everyone in the world had been chosen to stand at his side. “I wouldn’t question so much,” he continued. “The things that fall into place so perfectly.”

He offered you a wink, surprisingly playful for a man of his reputation. “Let’s eat.”

You nodded, the most you could, and followed him to the table. He was polite as always, allowing you to pick first, waiting until your first bite before claiming his own. You were content, at that moment, to answer the questions he threw your way, increasingly aware of the way the place he had touched warming and the mark on your neck drummed in a gentle pulse.

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully, and there was less trepidation in your soul when you lay with Chan to sleep. 

You journeyed to the Highlands the next morning, riding behind Chan on horseback, leaving the Wolves’ imposing Castle behind. There was a lightness about you as distance added more miles to your ride, growing brighter and brighter the further you traveled. Even with light conversation petering between you and Chan, you had never been freer in your entire life, the wind blowing back your hair as you soared across the plains.

Despite his repeated requests for you to take a break, you were determined to make it to your sister’s palace before nightfall. You wanted to see her outside, in the meadows that spread invitingly across the Highlands, and walk together just the two of you as you did as children.

There was excitement spiking hot adrenaline in your veins when the hills opened up in the distance, revealing a gorgeous mountain Castle with imposing towers and the familiar flags of your sister’s powerful family. She belonged to Hyunjin, taking his name and crest, and it made you sad to realize that there was a greater distance between you both. You loosened your grip on Chan’s waist, not realizing your grip on him.

You had grown tired of being around him, constantly blinded by the weight of his shadow. At least out here, with the sun beaming down from above, you could feel great relief from the pressure lightening. Perhaps there should be shame associated with your actions, but as soon as you could identify a familiar shape up ahead, you were already leaping from the horse despite Chan’s protests.

Thankfully, your sister was there to greet you, surrounded by two guards. Immediately, you jumped from your steed, falling into her arms and inhaling the familiar scent of her perfume. “Grace,” you squealed, keeping her held tight to you as if it would be the last time you could ever do so. 

“Y/N,” she sing-songed back, and you smiled at her playful attitude, only growing a little despondent when you detected Chan’s approach from behind.

“Hello,” she greeted Chan with a polite bow. “It is an honor to welcome you to the Northern Highlands.”

“Your palace is beautiful,” Chan complimented, and you shivered when he drew fingers down the length of your spine—a show of affection that you would never get used to experiencing.

“Thank you,” she said, turning around to gaze back at it as if she were seeing it for the first time. “It has centuries of history.”

“I have heard the tales,” Chan remarked. “From when I was a boy.”

You tried not to snort, not wanting to relive any memories of Chan from his boyhood. Grace’s careful eyes, however, seemed to detect something, and she looked at you with a curious gaze. “Well, I can show you to your quarters.”

“No need, I’m sure one of your guards will know the way. I think Y/N has been waiting for some time with you. I’ll leave you both alone,” he said, even without your prompting, and your sister gave you a familiar smile.

“As you wish,” she said with a little curtsy, beckoning a guard forward with stern orders to help the Wolf King settle in while you and Grace took a stroll of the grounds.

You held your breath, not wanting your impatience to show as the arrangements were made. Only once Chan had started in the direction of the Castle, guards following him closely, did you exhale. Reaching for Grace’s hand, and tugging her forward.

“No need to drag me!” Grace chuckled at your actions, and she linked your arms together, steering you toward the familiar meadows.

You both settled into easy conversation as it always seemed to happen, topics flowing from one to another. There was a lot to catch up on, things left unsaid from your sad exchange of letters. Rumors swirling around the highlands, and stories from your own homeland that you consumed greedily, excited for any mention of your little Kingdom.

Even if you didn’t really belong to it anymore.

You wanted to walk forever, to keep going beyond the highlands. Escaping to a distant land with just you and Grace. A place where you could both live in peace and go about your days just chatting and reading together by the fireplace as you did when you were children.

She laughed at your complaints, forcing you to return to the Castle when the sun had started to set. Thankfully, you didn’t go all the way inside just yet, and the two of you sat down at one of the picnic tables in the gardens. As you settled next to Grace, bowing politely to the maids who brought you both a cup of tea, you frowned as you recognized Chan between the hedges, strolling along with Hyunjin, Grace’s King, down the trodden paths between the mazes. 

You did your best to ignore him, focusing instead on the moment you had with your sister. The setting sun was warm as you reclined your head, eyes closed as you accepted the gracious touch—burning just as hot as your sister’s intense stare.

“Do you have something to say?” you huffed. “I can feel you looking at me.”

Her smile was clear in her tone. “You just seem...different.”

“How so?”

“Like you’ve been tamed.”

Your eyes flew open at the comment, glaring at her. “Stuck in an arranged marriage, you mean?”

“Mine was arranged as well, but you can rest assured that I don’t take the same comfort from my particular suitor.”

“I hardly take comfort from the Wolf King,” you argued, but Grace simply shrugged.

“You’ve never seen things as I do.”

“What’s so bad about Hyunjin anyway?” you asked instead, to direct the conversation away from Chan,

Her smile curdled. “He keeps busy with his whores,” she said, shocking you with such an accusation.

“Grace-”

“Don’t.” Your sister sighed. “There’s nothing you can do.”

She attempted to restore her previous smile, looking back over your shoulder with a sigh. “I like your Wolf King,” she eventually said. “He cares about you a lot. I haven’t seen him take his eyes away from you once.”

Grace must be imagining things. “He’s tolerable at best,” you decided, earning yourself a sigh from your sister.

“My how your perspective has changed,” she remarked, finally turning her attention to the lukewarm tea in front of her. “You were kicking and screaming when you first learned of the marriage.”

“It is something that was forced on me!”

“But you’re not the only one, Y/N,” Grace said with a tone filled with sadness.

Suddenly, you felt chastened and guilty for even protesting her. “For us both, it has created nothing but discomfort.”

“I think there is potential in your match,” Grace argued. “You resist because you are stubborn in nature, but I think there could be good things for you if you just tried to make it work. Wouldn’t it be better, sister, to live with him as lovers than as cold strangers?”

“He is too wild for marriage,” you weakly protested. But your argument held no merit, and you hated the logic in her words, turning away to glare into the distance.

Night passed before your eyes, like the dimmest flicker, and you had never been more unhappy to greet the rising sun. 

It seemed that all good things inevitably came to an end, and you were holding back tears when you parted from Grace the next morning, holding the embrace for far too long. Even as you allowed Chan to help you back onto the horse, positioned directly behind him on the saddle, you kept your gaze trained behind you, watching Grace grow smaller and smaller.

Until she was gone.

Your heart was heavy when you returned to Chan’s castle that same afternoon, but your foul mood didn’t last for long. Distracted as you were, surprised by the bustling activities throughout the grounds, everyone scrambling for something you couldn’t identify. “Our moon festival,” Chan explained. “We will be shifting tonight.”

Oh, right. You had forgotten about that part, too distraught reminiscing on your brief moment of freedom with Grace. “I almost forgot.”

“There will be a feast tonight,” he explained. “We will both join as King and Queen.”

You scowled at the idea. “As you wish.”

Chan frowned at the comment. “You must be tired from the journey,” he continued, choosing not to react to your passive comment. “Feel free to rest in our quarters. I will come get you later.”

You agreed with a half-hearted grunt of acknowledgment. Sleep did sound like a much-needed relief from the exhaustion threatening each unsteady step you took up the stairs. It was what you blamed your disorientation on, barely noticing when Chan leaned in to give you a chaste kiss on your cheek.

That same spot burned under the barely-there attention. But you chose to ignore it, instead focusing on how your feet were throbbing when you landed on top of your bed with a huff, allowing tears to escape as you gave yourself a moment to purge the nasty emotions that had built after leaving the Highlands. Unable to do so as you rode behind Chan.

There were too many different emotions piled on throughout the day, mixing with a heady combination of your exhaustion from traveling. Countless thoughts also swirled through your head, and it was inevitable that you would fall under, losing yourself to the easy promise of sleep. An easier task than grappling with your conflicted feelings. 

Darkness greeted you like an old friend, and your dreams were wild. One moment you were back with Grace, strolling through the meadows. The next, you found yourself in an empty forest, shadows chasing each breath evaporating on cold air, ensnared by a pair of red eyes in the thick foliage.

You stumbled on the undergrowth, falling backward ungracefully. You only had the wherewithal to put a hand over your face, trying to block everything out, as those eyes descended on you. Fear caught in your throat, and it was the lasting image that haunted you as you jerked upright in bed, barely withholding a scream when those same eyes met you in the real world.

“Y/N.”

Chan’s voice was deep, guttural in its intensity, and filled with concern. You flinched when fingers came out to gently remove sweaty bangs from your eyes, heart thunderous inside your chest. His hand paused in its motions, and for a fleeting second, you thought you might drown in his stare.

“Sorry,” you whispered. “Bad dreams.”

“I see.”

There was a question in his tone, but you didn’t know how to provide an answer, choosing instead to gently push his hand away. “It’s nothing to worry about.”

He nodded, lower lip caught between his teeth. “If you’re certain...”

You studied him for a moment, wishing that you could confide in him. But there was still a great distance between you, perhaps put there by your own accord, but heavy in its existence. “I shall get ready.”

Chan allowed you the space, agreeing to meet you in the hallway as you rose to get dressed, finding the dress that had been laid out for you by the maids. You slipped the fabric over your body, shivering as the silkiness slid across your skin like a lover’s caress.

True to his word, Chan was waiting patiently on the other side of the door, and you hesitated before taking the outstretched hand offered to you. Unprepared for when it pulled you in closer, under the scrutiny of his affectionate gaze. “Beautiful,” he declared, nostrils flaring as if taking in the scent of the perfume you sprayed. 

“Thank you,” you offered in return, choosing to keep silent as he led the way, helping you down the stairs in your heels. 

For once, you willingly stayed close to Chan, especially as you approached the Great Hall where the festivities would take place. Chan led you into the dining room, perhaps a bit too hastily, uneasy with the weight of his people’s stares boring down upon your figure. Dressed simply in that white gown—pure, as you had always remained—and looking entirely out of place amongst battle-hardened soldiers. 

You caught Changbin’s stare from across the room as you sat at the head of the table next to the King. There was lust in his gaze. And it deeply unsettled you, to the point that even Chan caught your shiver.

He followed your gaze to Changbin who looked away at once. “Tradition says that the King can share his mate,” Chan whispered. “But I will not share you with him. So he can only look.”

You weren’t sure what to say to that. So you didn’t say anything in return. “I didn’t know.”

There was a brief moment of silence, and then Chan stood, addressing the room. “Let’s feast together, comrades! We run together at the moon’s highest cycle!”

A chorus of cheers and howls greeted his words, and everyone started to fill their plates, easy conversation flowing between the wolves like the smell of the delicious-looking platters laid out before you. Still, your stomach revolted, swimming in circles as you picked at the helping Chan had served you. You wrinkled your nose when his grease-stained fingers brought a piece of chicken to your lips, and you forced yourself to take it from him. 

Chan sighed as you chewed, forcing the morsel down your throat as it stung. “I won’t be with you tonight, of course. We will likely stay out in the moonlight until dawn. But I will return in the morning.”

“Okay.” You shrugged, seemingly indifferent. Some time to yourself seemed nice. And you weren’t keen on being outside when they were no longer human. 

“You don’t have to be miserable here, my Queen,” Chan suddenly said, tone taking on a hardened edge. Perhaps the first time he had ever sounded stern with you. “Wolves mate for life, and they choose their partners seriously”

You contemplated his words, chosen ever so carefully. “I - I will try,” you managed, recalling Grace’s advice from the previous day.

To live as lovers rather than strangers. 

He hummed at your agreement, eyes glued to your form as he appraised you with something akin to curiosity. “Don’t roam so far from the castle tonight. It isn’t dangerous, but it is your first time. Of course, there’s usually nothing to fear in the gardens.”

There was a layered hint in his words, but you chose not to think about it too much, simply nodding your head as you resumed your task of picking at your food. There was nothing wrong with the offering in front of you, but your newfound uneasiness mixed with your emotional charge from earlier—it had not yet completely dispelled itself from your system—left an unpleasant ache in your chest.

As if something was missing…

Later that night, long after the wolves left the castle, you realized you couldn’t sleep even if you tried, listening to the chorus of howls from outside the castle walls. They rang through the night, loud and clear, and harmonized with one another as if perfectly in sync. Perhaps they were since Chan and his wolves shared a tight bond, and you wondered what it must be like to be so perfectly in tune with one another.

It was these thoughts that plagued you, and even as midnight came and went, you grew more restless. You resolved to walk through the castle, to quell your thoughts and ease your mind. Even as your footsteps echoed through the halls, you found yourself becoming more awake instead of the opposite effect.

Fresh air would be nice, you thought until you remembered the wolves outside. But then again, Chan did promise you that the gardens would be safe. You could trust him, right? Or was that the problem? Your lack of trust in someone meant to be your partner. 

You resolved yourself in that moment to try. And if that meant venturing out into the gardens, then no one could accuse you of being silent and passive. This was your attempt at trying, and if it ended badly, then you would have all the more leverage to ignore him.

However, despite your attempts to steel your resolve, you found your heart beating impossibly fast when you greeted the moonlight outside. Each lungful of air that you forced down your lungs felt like sharp knives attacking your flesh. Gaze swimming in front of you, footsteps unsteady as you entered the hedge maze surrounding the gardens.

You inhaled deeply, trying to find comfort in the familiar smell of the foliage. There was a strange air of peace surrounding you, and that was all the solace you needed to keep going, admiring the way the colors of the blooming flowers bled in a different light. It was easy to grow distracted by the sight, as beautiful as it was, and perhaps you could blame your wandering eye for failing to adequately identify the rustling of something large in the undergrowth of the forest. 

You hummed to yourself, leaning down to run your fingers over the soft petals of a rose. Its usual red was subdued somehow, under the moon’s glow, and you smiled at the effect, completely ignorant of a different red seeping through the hedges near your right.

It wasn’t until a gentle whimper sounded that you jerked to a stop, hand fluttering to cover your chest as you whipped around to locate the source of the sound. And what stood before you, as powerful as the looming mountains above the castle, nearly had you falling to your knees.

Except, you realized upon a second cursory glance, that there was something uncannily familiar about the beast in front of you, and it only took you another moment to make the connection. A gasp fell from your lips when you realized that it was the wolf from your childhood—the one you had found that day Chan visited your home for the second time. The one you played with in the gardens. The one you spent time with just talking and believing it was nothing more than a common wolf.

You stumbled then, recognizing the now familiar crimson eyes looking back at you—the same ones that belonged to your husband. The wolf, your Wolf King, butted his giant head against your outstretched hand, giving an affectionate lick to your fingertips.

“I understand,” you whispered, unable to decipher the emotion in your voice, but one thing that you knew for certain—there was a clear absence of fear. Because you had never feared this wolf, always approaching it with happiness, completely ignorant of its true state. 

The wolf gave you a meaningful look, and you were struck by the humanness of the gesture. Understanding dawned on you—Chan had always known. He had always known it was you—the one his wolf had chosen. The girl who had never shown fear to a beast that others considered a monster. 

You had known Chan for your entire life without even realizing it, and your eyes welled with tears, watching him toss back his head and release a spine-curdling howl. One that was joined by a chorus of beautiful melodic cries, merging and joining together, and reaching down to your very bones.

You dropped to your knees then—a mere speck before the Wolf. You cried without fear, and this time, the tension between you and your King vanished like the stars in the night sky when dawn cracked across the horizon.

Three Months Later

On most mornings, Chan was gone before you woke up, and that left you with a disconcerting feeling of disappointment. You supposed there was much to do for the King of the Castle, but lately, it made you ache for something you couldn’t quite discern.

For the past several months, you found yourself opening up to the Wolf King in ways you would’ve never imagined. The truth of who he was, the Wolf from your childhood, along with Grace’s well-intentioned advice, had managed to crack through the stoic guard you had raised from the moment you bound yourself to him.

He taught you about the bond—how, even if you weren’t a Wolf and couldn’t experience the same emotions, he could feel each flicker of happiness or stroke of sadness as it moved through you. 

You had not known of this connection before—because of your stubborn nature—and you would always regret resisting it. But things were better, and you could see the beauty in the bond and how truly spectacular it was to feel and understand another person so intimately. It made you wonder—for longer and longer periods of time—just how deep you could make that bond.

Curiosity weighed heavy on you, and your eyes cracked open at a gentle knocking on the door—an opportunity presenting itself when you recognized a familiar servant girl entering your room. “Good morning, Y/N,” she said, and you nodded in return.

At first, you had kept yourself closed off to the other maids, but this one in particular, Ivy, had been insistent. It was hard to deny her, especially when she became your best teacher, indulging you in learning everything related to the wolves and their way of life.

She was also quite willing and open to help you with anything, even if it involved the more intimate parts of your relationship with the Wolf King. You brought it up again that morning, growing more and more confident, especially since Ivy was completely shameless when it came to that sort of thing.

“I thought about your words from the other night,” you opened the conversation, watching as she put your breakfast down onto the table.

“You’ll have to remind me.” There was a teasing note in her tone, and you glowered at the playful look she shot in your direction.

“We spoke about the King,” you said. “You told me things…what I can do to please him.”

“I remember.” She took a step closer, and you were wary of the look in her eyes. “Does he not fuck you well?” Ivy asked, and her tone was absent of the same filter that would stop your tongue.

Still, you were embarrassed, looking down at your feet, wondering how to disguise the truth. “It doesn’t feel good when it seems like he just uses me to get himself off.”

That much was true as you had heard Chan masturbating next to you on countless nights, and your name often fell free from his lips.

“I see.” Ivy nodded. “He doesn’t know better. He was taught that a good alpha fucks his mate and makes sure that she is pregnant for him.”

You winced at her blunt explanation. “Is that all...wolves need?”

“Not necessarily,” Ivy said with a bright smile. “I can teach you...if you want.”

“Teach me?” you asked, gasping when Ivy placed a hand on your chest, forcing you to fall back on the bed.

She was all smiles when she crawled into your lap, grabbing your hands and securing them to her waist. You gasped when she started rocking her hips into your own, feeling the pleasant ache resonate up and down your spine. “The most important lesson of them all,” Ivy said with a twinkle of mischief in her eye. “The art of seduction.”

“I - Ivy...”

“Tell me, Y/N,” Ivy interrupted your ramblings, leaning down so that the tips of your noses brushed together. “Would you like that? Seducing your wolf? Driving him to the point where he can’t resist taking you?”

You moaned around your response. “Yes! Please show me.”

Her hips rocked harder into yours, and you could see white forming at the edges of your vision. “Leave it to me.”

And you did, surrendering to her touches, and the wicked way she showed you all the ways to drive a King mad. 

The following night, you bravely waited for your Wolf King to return from patrol, wearing nothing but a sheer robe that left little to the imagination. Sitting on the edge of your shared bed, you caught each breath as it rattled between your lungs. Nervousness eating away at your resolve and leaving the poor skin around your cuticles abused by your touch. 

Ivy’s advice rang clear in your mind as if she were there with you, holding your hands between her own as she taught you how to please the King. You blushed at the memory, hands covering the bare skin beneath your robe, caressing the delicate flesh as she had done the night before. Demonstrating to you the best ways to please a man, and to make him beg for you. 

That kind of power held its curious appeal, and you thought about it constantly. Wondering what it would be like to make Chan lose his mind to the sin of your smell and touch. You could hardly wait, bouncing your leg and jostling the flimsy material of your coverings. 

Thankfully, your Wolf King didn’t make you wait for very long, punctual as always in these recent times of peace in joining you during the evenings. The easy smile he always offered you vanished as soon as he closed the door behind him, eyes locked on your figure clad in so very little.

“Be assertive.” You recalled Ivy’s words, and you stood on shaky legs to take a few tentative steps towards him. The implication was not lost in translation. You could barely get out a greeting before Chan was on you in seconds, gently pushing you back against the wall. He pressed his forehead against yours and you closed your eyes. “You look beautiful,” he whispered, initiating the first indulgent kiss that lit a fire that you felt down to the tips of your toes.

“Then have me,” you said against the purse of his mouth, tongue tracing that full bottom lip. His gaze widened perceptibly, holding you at arm's length.

“What do you mean?”

“Take me the way you want,” you replied. “I’m ready. You love me, don’t you?”

The intensity in that gaze you had started to yearn for burned even brighter. “You know that I love you Y/N, and I understand why it would be hard for you to believe. I’m more than willing to take this chance to show you.”

He pulled away despite the tight grip you kept on his powerful bicep. Even so, you kept your eyes open as wide as possible to enjoy the scene playing out in front of you when he kissed you again. You curled your fingers into his thick black hair, remembering Ivy’s advice, and pulled his mouth against yours, crushing your lips to his. Chan’s chest rumbled as he kissed you fiercely in return, grabbing onto your arms as his tongue plundered the hot cavern of your mouth.   

Your lungs screamed in protest, and you pulled away suddenly, shivering at his resounding whimper. You opened your eyes, keeping your hands in his hair to hold it back from his crimson orbs. You found the lust there, making his eyes appear darker.  “It’s so hard for me to do this,” you said softly. “I- I want to please you…”

“You don’t have to do anything,” Chan replied. He pressed his hips into yours and you felt something hard against your stomach. “Y/N,” Chan murmured, leaning into your neck to inhale deeply. “I want you more than anything else.”

You shivered as you felt his other hand come to the sleeve of your gown, slowly sliding it down your shoulder. His fingertips slid across your skin, weakening your resolve. His lips followed his touch, peppering soft kisses along the exposed skin. He tugged on the fabric more and you felt the fabric at your right breast start to fall, slowly exposing the flesh to him. His blazing eyes looked down at what he had uncovered, as his hand moved up to hold your breast in his palm. You moaned when his thumb started to rub against your nipple, growing alarmed at the sudden ache between your legs. Like before, his lips soon replaced his fingers and you cried out when he gently nipped the sensitive skin.  

He suddenly tugged the fabric back up, releasing your wrists so that he could have both hands when he grabbed the sides of your robe and tugged it aside to reveal your bare skin to him. Your hands fell to your sides as your chest heaved up and down to match each of your panting breaths. Clad in the lingerie Ivy had helped you pick out the previous night. 

Chan’s eyes were glued to your bare torso. With a moan of his own, he pressed a soft kiss to your lips before he trailed his mouth down, over the soft skin of your throat, down your chest, and between the valley of your breasts, over your smooth stomach down to the top of your lace panties. Looking up at you with hungry, lust-filled eyes, Chan started to tug the fabric down your legs.

Clenching your fists against the wall, you couldn’t begin to describe what you felt when he pressed a kiss against the front of your panties, holding your thighs in his strong hands. Standing back up to his full height, he pulled his shirt off next, tossing it onto the floor. You breathed out deeply as your eyes greedily took in the sight of his muscled torso. Timidly, you reached out a hand, aware of his eyes watching your movements as you hovered your palm over his firm abdomen. “Touch him with your fingertips,” Ivy’s words whispered against your ear. He groaned, bracing his arms on either side of you, moving his head against the wall next to your ear. You heard Chan’s husky voice whisper: “Baby, please touch me.”

Your eyes fluttered at his request, and you placed both palms on his hard stomach, moving them up and feeling the muscles tense beneath your touch. Your hands danced across his pectorals, rising along with the muscles. You moved your palms over his shoulders and then back down, pausing when you hit the top of his pants. Before you could muster up the courage to move any lower, Chan’s lips were back on yours, kissing you senseless. You wrapped your arms around his neck, working your mouth against his, feeling your lips become swollen from his kisses. As your tongues touched, you felt Chan’s hands return to your thighs, lifting them so that you had no choice but to wrap your legs around his trim waist. Holding you against him, he carried you into over to the bed to deposit you on top. You missed his warmth as soon as he was gone and opened your eyes to meet his black gaze.

This was your chance. You remembered Ivy’s words and scrambled to get in position. Present. The command burned its way through your whole being as if you had no control over it. Instead, you turned on your hands and knees, arching your back and keeping your ass held high in the air.

You had never done this before, and you felt so exposed, but at the same time so good, so right, and you restrained yourself from trying to cover up against the shameless crimson stare watching you.

Suddenly, all went quiet, prompting you to glance over your shoulder. The Wolf King was staring at your ass, his mouth slightly agape. “Good girl,” was all you heard before Chan dove down abruptly to taste your dripping cunt, dragging his tongue all the way up to the source of the wetness leaking from you with a single, hot swipe, before latching on and sucking eagerly at the sensitive skin around your opening. 

You keened at the sensation and shivered at his satisfied grunts and moans as he took his fill of your taste. It made you want to please him. To do whatever it took to make him completely lose his mind.

“Chan!” You moaned out, reaching beneath him to flick at your neglected clit. “More!” 

Your demand did not go unanswered. With a grunt, Chan yanked your ass up higher for a better angle, digging his hands into the plush flesh of your hips. His touch was rough, and strong, undoubtedly leaving marks behind, but you absolutely loved it. And when the wiggling muscle of his tongue finally pushed inside, you cried out in absolute bliss and pleasure. Time itself seemed to slow down as that tongue relentlessly moved inside you, searching for that spot that could make you see stars and, once found, pressing down hard. Again and again, Chan dipped inside with his tongue, and each time you moaned for him. It didn’t take you long until your body tensed and shuddered, squeezing around the intrusion as you rode out your orgasm. 

With a satisfied groan, Chan released your hips, and you collapsed on your stomach, still aching for him.

You attempted to look back at Chan, groaning when you realized he was pushing down his pants and underwear, freeing his stiffening cock before crawling back over you. You were met with a flurry of kisses, on your lips, your cheeks, and your neck, before his tongue trailed lazily over your chest and down to the delicate curls damp from your release. 

You squirmed under him as he held himself up on his arms, dragging his eyes unbearably slow from your face and down to your toes. He moved one finger down over your stomach, and you watched it enter the forest of blonde curls around your center. Panting, and nearing combustion, you found yourself instinctively thrusting your hips up, begging him for more than just touches. Growling, he practically shoved your hips back to the bed, reaching down and jerking his thick cock with rough strokes. He abruptly flipped you over onto your back, craning his neck to look down into your eyes. “Let me make love to you, Y/N.”

His words sent a flurry of heat straight to your core. You had never had sex before, but you wanted it desperately. You told him as much and could see him visibly shaking. “I’ll go slow,” he promised, kissing your lips tenderly, before reaching down to line himself up at your entrance. You closed your eyes and winced as he pushed into you. Pliant and soft from his earlier ministrations, the bulbous head found little resistance as it breached your cunt.

You could feel his face bury itself into your shoulder, his knuckles turning white as they gripped the bedding, as if it was taking everything he had to go this slow. Once he was buried inside of you completely, you groaned, adjusting to the sudden intrusion. You could feel him still above you, and his teeth teased the skin at your shoulder. “Son of a bitch,” he growled. “It’s taking every ounce of control I have not to flip you over and fuck you senseless.”

His words, as crude as they were, only served to heighten your arousal. “Move,” you said, grabbing his black hair and pulling his face to yours. You kissed him quickly. “I’m fine.”

He needed no further encouragement, as he slowly pulled out before pushing back in. You could see the sweat breaking out across his forehead from the exertion, causing strands of his hair to stick to his forehead. His right hand moved behind you to grip the headboard as his hips slowly rocked against your own. As good as it felt, you could see he was about to lose it. “Faster,” you told him, and he complied, speeding up his thrusts and allowing some of the tension to escape his body. It was a little painful, especially when he let out a low growl and really started grinding his hips.

You could feel it building inside, the pleasure of his rough movements far outweighing the discomfort. You let out another moan as he moved in and out, feeling the smooth friction all the way to the tips of your toes. The Wolf King chose this moment to draw his hips back, dragging his length out to the tip, before slamming it back inside with a powerful thrust, rocking your body to the point that you felt your vision turn white for a moment. Without giving you time to recover, Chan repeated the motion over and over again, speeding up and adjusting the angle to relentlessly hit deep inside, hips bumping your clit with every smooth grind.

He grunted from his efforts, one hand on the headboard while the other came to grab your breast, his lips sucking at your neck. For your part, you arched your back against him, allowing your hips to come up a little to meet his movements as he hit even deeper inside of you, just barely kissing your cervix. Your fingernails scraped down the smooth skin of his back at this new angle. He moaned when your nails dug into his flesh, bringing his lips up to yours and you kissed him feverishly, tasting him like your life depended on it. One of your hands curled into his smooth black hair while the other gripped his bicep tightly, sighing happily as you felt the muscles move.  

You wrapped your legs around his waist, trying to not feel overwhelmed by all of the things he was making you feel. Buried deep inside of you, you could feel him hit all the right spots, sending waves of pleasure to your tight center. Meanwhile, his lips were working magic against yours, leaving you breathless.  

You could feel an intimate warmth building inside of you the longer he snapped his hips against yours. Groaning, you let out a cry as you felt something inside of you break open, releasing wave after wave of heat through your core, leaving your body drowning in pleasure.  

There was a haze of lightheadedness clogging your senses, and you almost didn’t even realize the swell pushing against your ass, until it breached your core. “Chan!” you hissed at the combination of pain and overwhelming pressure, retreating and then swelling again as he ground that hot mass against you.

“My knot,” he groaned, and you could feel the heat from his chest against your breasts as he pressed even closer. 

You vaguely recalled Ivy warning you about this, telling you that it would be hard to prepare for the massive instrution. You felt a spike of fear as it stretched you even further, and you worried that your virgin body would suffer. All you could do was grit your teeth and bury your head into the blankets beneath you, feeling the swell of his knot pressed against the cleft of your ass. You fisted the sheets between your hands. He would split you in half, and then you would be nothing.

“Y/N!” he growled, slowing his hips to a timid roll as his knot locked between you both, and your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you felt his release flood your insides, filling you to the point that your lower stomach had started to swell from his cum. 

He groaned as you both came down from your highs, and you gently petted your finger through his unruly curls. He experimentally rolled his hips to test how firmly the knot was locking him inside and it wouldn’t budge. Your cunt squeezed the knot, eliciting another grunt from Chan, another twitch, and another spurt of hot cum inside of you.

The pop didn’t swell until Chan was fully seated, his thick cock barely able to seat itself fully between your pulsating walls. It was a painful stretch, of course, but you were hardly focused on it.

Chan continued to hump against you, long after his release and teetering on the cusp of oversensitivity, but those seductive hips had lost their rhythm. It was only moments later, as Chan pulled away from your lips and buried his face into your chest, that he growled when something warm filled your center. You let your hand wander down his spine, stroking along the individuals knots. You could feel him breathing hard above you, and you tried to soothe him back to normal.

You were locked together for a long time, and you were almost asleep when Chan was finally able to pull out, collapsing onto the mattress next to you, looking up at the ceiling. You watched as his chest rose and fell quickly until you could barely see it move at all, signifying his return from his high. Your own breaths came out much shorter, and you were aware of the sweat that coated your skin. 

You watched as Chan ran his hand through his dark hair, moving it out of his face. Looking over at you, he turned on his side and used one hand to bring you closer to him, wrapping an arm around your waist. You hummed in delight as your chests pressed together, moving in sync with each other. Chan’s eyes scanned over your face as he leaned in and kissed your forehead. “I love you Y/N,” he said. voice rumbling. “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you.”

You were barely coherent, collapsed against the sheets with a line of drool pooling out from your mouth. Closing your eyes, you let your head fall against his chest, savoring his warmth.  “I trust you,” you said softly, and you could feel him sigh in relief. Simply holding you against him, surrounded by his warmth, you suddenly felt very much like you belonged.

“You and I have always been destined,” Chan whispered, and for the first time since you had taken your place as his Wolf Queen, you weren’t afraid.

Instead, you were irrevocably alive.

[thefantasyden]

Pudding

Pairing: Changbin + AFAB Reader & Chan + AFAB Reader

Genre: Smut, Hybrid!AU

Warnings: absolutely filthy dirty talk, unprotected sex, Bunny Hybrid!Changbin, Dog Hybrid!Reader, Reader is called Puppy often, pet names, jealousy, subtle breeding kink if you squint, hints of dub con, oral (Chan receiving), oral (Reader receiving), fingering, Reader and Changbin get caught and Changbin doesn't stop, implied chubby reader, reader loves food.

Word Count: 8,432

Synopsis: Chan had always been a fairly lax hybrid owner, and when he introduces you to Hyunjins Bunny hybrid Changbin, he's sure you're on the road to becoming great friends. What reason could he possibly have to think his sweet responsible puppy would ever have him fighting his own feelings.

Bunnie's note: The title is barely related to the story but you'll get it. This is 8k words of pure filth with 5 different smut scenes so I promise it's far from a slow read!

"Channie! Can you PLEASE turn that down!" You whine, stomping your way into the living room where Chris was sat watching Deadpool again, your sensitive ears twitching at the uncomfortable shrill noise coming from the TV.

"It's not even loud, baby! The volume is only at 10!"

Your pout intensifies and he sighs dramatically, almost mocking you as he taps the remote to lower the volume another 4 notches.

"Better?"

You mumble your approval with quiet thanks and drop down beside him for a moment, just long enough to allow him to stroke the velvety fur that coated your pointy shepherd ears as a show of your gratitude to which he hums happily to himself, gently rubbing the soft side of your ear between his thumb and pointer finger, leaning over to peck your forehead.

"How about I go out and get you some snacks, hm? You're so cranky when you're hungry." He coos at you and your face softens a little, your ears perking forward at the mention of food.

"Pudding?"

He laughs to himself at your enthusiasm and nods, standing from the couch and walking toward to door to grab his coat before shooting you a bright smile as he opens the door.

"Pudding."

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You stay in your room for most of the day, only exiting to grab a few of your snacks from Chris before running back, cocooning yourself in your blankets with plush toys and pillows surrounding you.

It's well into the evening by the time you decide to venture out, the sound of a voice other than your owners mixing with the faint sound of a sputtered laugh in your ears having your curiosity spiked. You're tiptoeing your way down the hall to peek around a corner, eyes widening when you see your owner's friend Hyunjin sitting on the couch across from a pair of long black lop bunny ears with softly curled hair covering the base. The idea of another hybrid being brought into your home had a quiet growl rumbling in your throat along with a strange flutter in your chest.

"Oh, puppy! I forgot to tell you that Hyunjin and Binnie were coming over." Chris calls to you when he sees your ears peeking around the corner, a mixed tone of guilt and apology coating his words.

You figure there's no point in trying to sneak away now, bee lining for the kitchen cupboard to take advantage of Chris’ guilt, feeling 3 sets of eyes following you as you steal a bag of jerky off the top shelf.

"Your hair is growing out! You're getting so fluffy!" Hyunjin sings, and you giggle quietly, shoving a few pieces of jerky into your mouth before the bag is smoothly snatched from your hands.

"Oh, come on, let the puppy have their snacks." Hyunjin defends your antics, and you pout, dragging your feet toward the couch where you pretend to faint, your head falling into the man's open lap, curious eyes locked on you as the strange hybrid in the room studies your behaviour.

Two sets of hands are petting your hair as Chris takes his place on the couch beside you, your owner shooting his friend a comment about how if he didn't control your food, you would never stop eating. You couldn't deny it, and you hear the same stuttered laugh from before, clear as day as you sit up and finally take in the round face of the bunny sitting across from you.

"Binnie is the same. They'd be a Domino's worst nightmare!"

You all settle in to binge watch a new anime that you'll pretend to pay attention to, distracted by the constant switch between too hot and too cold that runs through your body as you rest your head against Chan's shoulder, your feet tucked under Hyunjins thigh, much to his annoyance.

"Shouldn't the food be here by now?"

Changbin is groaning loudly, his stomach audibly growling as both of your owners check their phones, their own groans causing your ears to flatten against your head at the sudden intrusion.

"It still says it's being prepared." Chris frowns, his own cranky attitude bubbling to the surface as he becomes more aware of his own hunger.

"Should we go pick it up?"

Both of their faces shift to yours, a questioning look gracing their features, earning them a half-hearted growl that makes Changbin's ears twitch. He'd never seen a canine hybrid get so bold with their owner, and he was quickly finding himself captivated by his own intrigue.

Chris sighs and heads to the door, and Hyunjin moves to follow, pausing briefly beside his hybrid.

"Are you gonna be okay if we leave you here?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Changbin questions with a confused tone, his eyes narrowing.

"I mean..." Hyunjins voice trails off in thought, almost debating his words. "I'd be leaving you alone with a predator. Doesn't that set off some kind of instinctual alarm bells for your species?"

Changbin lets out an indignant scoff, swatting at his owners leg as he speaks.

"That's a myth! And if you don't feed me soon, I'm going to become a predator!"

Binnies agreement is more than enough for the two men to be shoving each other through the door, and you're laughing along with him at the sight, leaving the comfortable nest you had made on the couch to grab a water bottle from the fridge, sipping slowly as a question rang in your mind.

"Why did you lie about the predator thing?" You ask curiously, tilting your head as you examine the bunny's expression for any hint of hesitation.

There is none, only a proud smirk that tugs on his lips as he speaks. "They don't need to know all of our secrets, and I'm not scared of you." His eyes are trained on your body, taking in every soft curve as you sit back down much closer to him then you were before, your nose twitching as you take in Hyunjin’s scent, realising you’ve sat straight in his spot.

"You may be a predator, but I could easily take you."

You're not sure why you register the words as something suggestive, but your body buzzes at them, and he can sense it, inhaling slowly and deeply, shooting you a quizzical glance.

"Does Chan know you're due for a heat?"

He catches you off guard and it's like he's found a missing piece to some secret puzzle, your eyes wide as your stared back at him with your mouth hanging open, making him laugh as he watched.

"IS THAT WHY I'VE BEEN FEELING LIKE SHIT?!" You grumble, sinking deeper into the couch, a comfortable silence filling the room as Changbin moves closer to you, reaching a hand out to find purchase on the meat of your thigh, squeezing as if to test your reaction to him.

"It's pretty irresponsible of Chan to have left you alone with me in your current state." He muses, fingers edging dangerously close to your inner thigh as your train of thought derails, the buzz of electricity flooding you, evening to a steady hum as he speaks.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a Bunny hybrid. You know what we do best, don't you?"

His fingers connect with your pussy through your clothing, firm pressure rubbing against your clit making you moan, pressing your hips up into his touch as he continues teasing you.

"It's kind of rude that you haven't given me a tour yet." His touch leaves you as he speaks, and you let out an involuntary whimper, shaking the confusion from your mind as he stands, quickly following suit as you absent mindedly show him through the kitchen, Chans studio, the bathrooms and the bedrooms, pausing at your bed to kneel on the plush mattress, reaching for your favourite Pochacco plush in order to show it off.

Your hand is just connecting with the fluffy fabric when you feel Changbin shift behind you, strong hands gripping your hips and a thick bulge nudging against the swell of your ass. It catches you off guard, and you freeze as he begins grinding against you, soft groans meeting your ears, coaxing an embarrassing whimper from your throat.

"Well, don't you sound pretty?" Changbin coos at you, causing a flush of heat to coat your face, your hands abandoning their search to find security against your mattress, propping you up momentarily only to have the man behind you shoving your chest down against the sheets, your arms giving way as he pinned you with no struggle. He already looked strong, but the realisation of just how strong he really was had a new wave of arousal flooding through your body. Your loose sleep shorts are easily disturbed by Changbins movements, and his underwear is stained with your arousal where he'd managed to tug his pants down without you noticing.

You're pressing your ass harder against him, tears stinging your eyes as the need to have something inside you becomes overwhelming.

"Look at this pretty pussy..." Changbins voice sounds almost mesmerised as his covered cock nudges against your clit, coaxing airy moans from your lips that only serve to encourage him further. "Needs to be filled, doesn't it? Does the pretty puppy want Binnies help?"

"Please. Binnie! Need you, please?"

Your voice is shaky and there's a whine to it as you feel him shifting, the complaint playing on your tongue immediately silenced when you feel the tip of his cock dragging against your entrance where Changbins eyes were locked as he continued coating his cock in your slick.

"You're so wet, puppy. You've already got my thighs all sticky."

He's pressing his cock into you, watching intensely as your pussy welcomed him. He's shocked by how easily you can take him given how thick he is, and he lets a deep groan leave his throat as he bottoms out, his soft tummy pressing aginst your ass.

He leans over you, nipping at the back of your neck as he grinds into you, his hands exploring every inch of your soft skin, relishing the way you keen when he grips at your hips and thighs.

"You're a disgusting little thing, aren't you? Such a filthy little mutt. You don't even know me, and you're here taking my cock so well."

He punctuates his words with a sudden harsh thrust, living up to his hybrid type as he begins fucking into you like a bunny, using your hips as leverage to pull you back on his cock, the tip nudging sinfully against your gspot with every thrust.

"Such a pretty little bitch for me. Does it feel good, puppy? You like how Binnie's cock fills you up?"

He chokes out a moan when you start rambling about how good he feels inside of you and how badly you need him to breed you, his cock throbbing as he reaches down to find your clit, rubbing firm circles that make you clench tighter around him, pushing him closer to the edge.

"Gonna be a good bitch for Binnie and let him breed you, yeah? Gonna let Binnie fill your needy cunt with cum?"

You nod wordlessly, too busy trying to swallow the pathetic noises that spill from you uncontrollably. You've so easily become fucked out on his cock and he's savouring the empty look on your face.

"Gonna make you my lil fuck bunny. Binnie’s gonna use your cunt whenever I need something warm and wet to stuff my cock into."

You growl in response to his words and he audibly laughs, wrapping a hand around the back of your neck and pressing your face harder against the bed as he feels your cunt spasm around his length, the sudden constriction limiting him to just a couple more thrust before he's spilling inside of you, quickly pulling you up against his body so that he could muffle his moans with his teeth pressed against your neck.

"That's it. Take it all." He murmurs against your skin, offering shallow thrust that lull you both through your high before he pulls out, stretching his limbs as he digs through your drawers. Any other time you'd surely ask him what he was doing digging through your personal things, however you can't bring yourself to do anything but lift your legs as he slips your shorts off and a fresh pair of underwear past your ankles, ensuring they were in their rightful position before your shorts are returned and he's tugging you off the bed, fixing your hair in an almost tender gesture.

You're back in your respective places at opposite ends of the couch by the time Chan and Hyunjin make it back with the food, both clearly annoyed by the extended wait as they walk through the door, ranting to each other about how this better be the best meal they've eaten in months. You find it hard to pay any attention to their rambling when you're focused on the feeling of your underwear clinging to your skin, Changbin's cum steadily leaking from your abused cunt.

"I'm glad to see neither of you are injured." Hyunjin laughs, breaking some of the tension as he hands you a clear container of food and a pair of chopsticks before sinking exaggeratedly into the soft cushions with his own meal.

You offer a nervous giggle and note the smirk playing at Binnies lips as Chan kisses your forehead, settling next to you as reaching for the TV remote to put a new movie on.

༄ જ⁀➴

"Oh, we kept ourselves occupied."

Chris is excited the following day about the idea of you and Changbin being friends, rambling about how nice it would be for you to have someone to talk to that you could relate to and continuously asking if you want him to invite them over again, to which you struggle for an answer every single time. You almost felt a little guilty about what happened, but the memory of how well Changbin stretched you out and his filthy words had you quickly becoming desperate for more of him. You make it 2 days before you're agreeing with his idea of inviting the two boys over for another movie night.

༄ જ⁀➴

You're a nervous mess when you hear them knock and you can't bring yourself to turn and look at them as they greet you both, pretending to be engulfed in something playing on your phone until Changbin finds his way to the couch beside you, complaining that you were in what he had claimed to be his spot. You want to respond and tell him that he's gotten a little too comfortable in your home, but the words are gone as quickly as they came when he scoots closer to you, tugging the blanket you had laid over your lap so that it's covering the both of you, his hand quickly finding home on your thigh.

Chan and Hyunjin both seem happy to see how comfortable Changbin is with you and offer their own comments about you being 'the best of friends' which he responds to with a fake cheesy grin, his chubby cheeks easily fooling them with a feigned innocence. It truly baffled you how Hyunjin could possibly not know what kind of person his beloved bunny man was, and you kept that thought as the hybrids fingers traces patterns on your skin, boldly creeping their way toward the crease of your thigh as Hyunjin chattered about his enthusiasm for the movie you were about to watch, the flickering of the screen being all that was left to illuminate the room as Chris flicked the lights off in an attempt to match the ambience of the thriller they had been so giddy over.

You were able to focus for the first third of the movie when Changbins hand stayed unmoving against your sensitive skin, but the second he saw how your owners were engrossed in the movie he began his eager tortue, finders dipping under your shorts to stroke at your wet slit, a quiet chuckle sounding in his throat when he felt just how affected you were by his proximity to you. It was shameful, really. The way you were dripping steadily from his touch with your owner sitting right across the couch, intense focus trained on the tv with not a single clue to just how willing you were to commit such lewd acts with the bunny hybrid that was currently shifting his body closer to you, his warm thigh pressing against your own.

He's rubbing teasing circles at your clit with only enough pressure to make your hips press up in yearn of more without providing you any real relief, the faintest whimpers meeting Changbins ears as he continues to play with you for a full 30 minutes, occasionally gripping your thigh in warning when he feels you fidgeting a little too much for his comfort.

Hyunjin and Chris fall asleep against each other toward the end of the movie and when they don't wake in response to Changbin’s calls, he seizes the opportunity to drag you toward your bedroom, only briefly sparing a thought for the potential trouble he would be in before he shoves you back on to the bed, the weight of his body settling between your thighs as he waste no time pressing wet kisses to your neck, his hard cock grinding directly over your clit.

"What a filthy little puppy. My fuck bunny is so eager, hmm? Letting me play with your soaked little cunt with your owner in the same room."

His teeth drag against your neck and your back arches, pressing your chest into his which earns a deep groan in your ear, his hand coming up to grope at your chest until the path his lips are on finds itself blocked by your shirt. He's quick to move, leaning back just enough to forcefully tug your shirt over your head, his mouth meeting your nipple with enthusiastic licks, his wet tongue lapping at the bud as he listens to you whine, desperate for him to give you something more.

"Binnie... Please don't tease me."

He narrows his eyes at you as he tugs your sweats off, two thick fingers dipping into your entrance just deep enough to massage your gspot and have your vision blurring.

"So demanding. Binnie gets to use you however he wants, remember? You're just a toy Binnie plays with."

He doesn't spend long with his fingers inside of you, too ready to feel your wet walls enclosing his cock once again. He's dragging the broad tip of his dick through your folds, his hand cupping your pussy creating a warm pocket for him to fuck into without having to actually fuck you at all and taking pleasure in the clear distress on your face as you beg him to put it in, his response being to shove two of the fingers of his free hand into your mouth for you to suck, drool quickly coating the digits in your earnest attempts to show him how badly you needed him.

"As much as I would love to force you to cum from this, I need to feel that pretty cunt sucking me in."

His tip catches on your entrance and he doesn't bother to inch his cock inside you this time, immediately burying himself to the hilt and thrusting into you with short but harsh strokes, carefully not to let his flesh meet your own in an effort to avoid any unnecessary noise that your supple thighs meeting could create as he makes you fall apart around him.

"This what you wanted? pretty fuck bunny needed Binnies thick cock to stretch out their greedy cunt?"

You moan around his fingers and his hand finds its way to your neck, the slick that had covered it from his earlier action feeling cold against your skin as he squeezed.

"Such a nasty pup. How would your owner feel if he knew you were letting me use his pet like a fucking fleshlight, huh? Don't you think he should know what a desperate slut his mutt is?"

He knows you can't respond. He can feel your cunt quiver around him and he knows you're close, his fingers leaving your mouth and throat so that he can tilt your hips up, silent screams causing your mouth to hang open and choked sounds to leave your throat as he pounds against the spot that makes your orgasm rip through your body as he continues to fuck you well into overstimulation. He intentionally holds out until tears are streaming down your face and when he finally does come, he pulls out so that he can coat your overused cunt in thick ropes of white, jerking his cock until he's finished before gathering some of his cum on his tip to press it into you just a little bit, laughing when you start trying to push him away.

He's kind enough to get you a damp cloth from the bathroom this time, letting you clean yourself up before he disappears back out to the living room, leaving you to straighten yourself out before you follow suit, Chan's eyes on you the second you step into the room.

"Nice of you to join us baby." Chan speaks between yawns, hand covering his mouth as he smiles at you. "Binnie said you went to take a nap because we fell asleep."

You hum your agreement, catching his yawn and silently thanking him for the opportunity to secure your alibi.

"Yeah, I didn't wanna wake you if I started snoring."

Hyunjin and Binnie get up to say their goodbyes, Hyunjin still yawning as the door swings shut behind them and Chris finds his way to you, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. He sighs happily when your arms wrap around his waist, a fresh feeling of guilt thrumming steadily inside of you in response to his affection as you do your best to hide your hesitation, slightly hoping he would never notice the way you failed to return his tight squeeze.

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You make it a week and a half before you're struggling to hide your unease as Chan tells you that he and Hyunjin were going to a class together and they thought it would be nice for Changbin to stay with you while they were gone since you two had bonded so well, a look of confusion gracing your owner’s features as you fiddle with the tag on your collar, a trait he knew you only displayed when you were nervous about something.

"Are you okay baby?" His voice is laced with concern, only increasing the frequency of your fidgeting as you hounded your brain for a convincing lie, his hand covering yours with a gentleness that never failed to make your heart hurt.

"I think I just don't feel too well today."

"All the more reason to have Binnie here. I can't let you be alone when you don't feel good, can I?"

You can't argue without raising alarm bells, instead electing to nod as you took a bite out of the food he had made you, digging at the omelette as if you were trying to bury your anxieties in it. You barely hear the door as you pick at your food, Changbin nimbly making his way to his usual spot, no longer bothering with greetings when he's become so comfortable in your apartment. Your head is hidden in the fridge grabbing a snack when you hear Chris call out to you to let you know they are leaving, your mind wanders when he sweetly pecks your cheek before he's rushed out the door by Hyunjin who complains that they're gonna be late. You're shoving a sweet bun in your mouth as Changbin sings your name, patting the couch beside him. You falter for a moment before slowly succumbing to his request, carefully settling yourself a few feet away from him as he eyes you with a hunger that has your body betraying you.

"Why are you being so shy today, bunny?" His voice is dark and he sings his words, already moving off the couch to slot himself between your thighs. It catches you by surprise considering your last few encounters had been careless and messy with close to no foreplay, which you weren't one to complain about. He had left you more than satisfied regardless of the circumstances.

"You know, i'm surprised you haven't let me taste this yet." He muses as he drops your pants, in no way shocked to find that you had no underwear on. He was well aware by now that you wouldn't wear them on your own distinction.

His tongue creeps out of his mouth to lick a strip along your folds and he audibly groans, almost growling at the taste as his soft velvety ears tickled your thighs and caused you to twitch, his strong hands holding them open to stop you from clamping them shut around his face.

"Fuck, if I had known you tasted so good I would have been devouring your cunt every chance I could get."

He can physically see the way your pussy clenches as he speaks and he takes the opportunity slip a finger inside your eager entrance, his tongue tracing mindless patterns over your clit as he alternates pressure until he finds something that has you bucking your hips against his mouth. An arm wraps around your thigh as a second finger nudges at your entrance, prodding at that spot inside you that makes you want to wriggle away from him, his grip tightening as he holds you firmly against his tongue.

He spends a few minutes teasing you with gentle sucks to your clit and lazy fingers pressed into your cunt, his moans vibrating against you as he thoroughly enjoys everything you have to offer. you briefly think you hear footsteps outside of the door, but Changbins fingers thrust harder into you every time he feels your focus shift from him and you're so immersed in him that you don't hear the door opening nor the footsteps that make their way toward the couch, your ears ringing and mind fuzzy when you hear Chans voice saying your name, followed by him shouting when he sees the bunny hybrid currently suffocating himself between your thighs.

Changbin doesn't bother to stop and you can physically feel him smirking against your pussy as he moans obnoxiously, swears filling the room from the other two men as they scramble back out the door and you're overwhelmed by an awful mix of anxiety and pleasure, your body not faltering as it reacts to Changbin’s touch and he manages to successfully coax an orgasm from you, your moans sounding panicked as tears dripped down your cheeks. Usually the sight of your crying would make Changbin want to take you then and there, but he holds it together enough to sit beside you, pulling you in to his side in a weak attempt to soothe you.

You're quick to hide yourself away in your room before the others could come back, burying yourself underneath your blankets and pillows when you hear Chan's angry voice, the front door slamming, presumably behind Changbin who wouldn't hesitate to give Chris an attitude. For a bunny, he was awfully brave. You guess that's what happens when you're built the way he is.

You're in the middle of your self pitying sob session when you hear a faint knock on your bedroom door, Chan only waiting a second before entering, sitting himself at the end of the bed. Your heart squeezes a little when you realise he's carefully avoiding touching you and you have to fight off an entirely new wave of tears.

"Have you been doing this the whole time?"

For the first time since you came into his life, you can't tell what he's feeling. His tone is flat and there's no hint as to what emotion he's feeling at all as you sniffle, willing your voice not to crack as you answer with just a faint 'yes', feeling him shift uncomfortably. You don't bother to move from the pile you've made over yourself, the plush fabrics being your only comfort.

"Why were you sneaking around?" You can finally hear a tint of disappointment leaking into his speech and your unsure why it makes you so angry. This whole thing was partially his fault for never keeping track of your cycle. He knew damn well that your instincts would take over when met with another willing hybrid at such a sensitive time.

You choose to ignore him and he sighs, leaving without another word. The guilt had eased into a steady feeling of anger and confusion. You may have been civilised around Chan, but it felt cruel of him to forget what you were, treating you as if you were simply some pathetic human making poor choices.

༄ જ⁀➴

Chan finds you sitting on the kitchen counter the next morning eating directly from a box of cereal and you growl when he enters the room, earning an upset scowl as he opens the fridge in search of his own breakfast. Chan was under the impression that you would have dropped your little attitude by now and realised what you had done wrong, however he had clearly read you wrong.

"Good morning to you too."

You glare at him with pure aggression, a louder growl rumbling through your chest to which he responds with his own anger, slamming the door of the fridge and staring at you with his arms crossed, his tongue poking at his cheek.

"What's with the fucking attitude today? You're the one who got caught doing something wrong."

"WRONG? Yeah ok. I shouldn't have been sneaking around but you were the irresponsible owner!"

You're both raising your voices at each other which is something that has never happened over your years of cohabitation, your anger mingling with something strange that you couldn't quite identify in the moment.

"How am I the irresponsible one here?!"

"You never keep track of a damn thing with me! You don't know when my heats are, you rarely do anything to make them any fucking easier! You fucking paid to bring me into your house and now you're getting pissed when I act like a fucking hybrid?! It's bullshit!"

Something about your tone combined with your admittedly true accusations makes him snap and he's tugging at your collar, pulling your face dangerously close to him with no hint of hesitation even when you snarl at him, baring your teeth.

"Sounds like you just want an excuse to act like you're no better than a dog."

He's never been so forceful with you before and you can't help the faint throb of desire pulsing in your stomach, the tension of the situation having you both vibrating at strange frequencies. You're caught entirely off guard when he shoves you to your knees, not missing the moan that's tugged from you at the sudden roughness of your owner.

"Is this what you want? You want me to treat you like some useless fucking pet?"

His hand is gripping your cheeks, forcing you to make eye contact when you try to look away from him. It's a small action, but it causes your resolve to slip completely and you find yourself easily surrendering to your desire, years of pent up attraction coursing through you at once. You aren't sure what you're thinking as you lean forward, nuzzling your face against the bulge in his pyjama pants. Maybe it was time for you to show him what owning a hybrid was really supposed to be like.

He stares down at you as you get bolder, your tongue peeking out to lap at the flannel fabric as his hand finds the back of your head, holding you in place. He can't contain the deep groan he lets out and he'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about this exact scene at 2am in the comfort and safety of his room.

"You're so fucking desperate. You were just growling at me a minute ago and now you want my dick?"

You nod as much as his grip will allow and you can hear the quietest whisper of 'fuck' leave his glossy lips as your watery eyes meet his own, your hands finding his hips where they tease at the waistband of his pants, unwilling to move further without his permission.

"Do it. Go ahead and give me a proper apology. You wanted to act like a depraved hybrid, so show me how dirty you can get."

His pants are easily slipped past his hips and you're actively drooling when you finally get a good look at him. You pause for just a moment to feel worried over just how much longer he was than Changbin, easily having a full 2 inches on the bunny. You don't realise how long you spend staring until he's nudging you closer, taunting you as you lick your lips.

"Are you just gonna stare at it or are you gonna put it in your fucking mouth?"

You fail to answer, wrapping your hand around the base and taking a tentative lick of the tip just to piss him off a little further which results in one hand moving to grip your face again, his other hand removing yours so that he can grip his cock and tap it against your lips, groaning in approval when you open your mouth and stick your tongue out for him to press into. He could have never imagined just how good you would be, immediately sucking him in and beginning to bob your head, focusing on teasing the tip with your tongue. He's more sensitive than you would have thought, and you use it to your full advantage, showing off when you get almost all the way to the base before gagging. The way he moans when you pull off with spit dripping down your chin is something purely pornographic and it rushes straight to your core.

"Fuck. Just like that, puppy. You're fucking filthy. How the fuck are you so good at that?"

There's pride in his voice and it almost feels like approval which makes you want to show him just how much you can take. You sink down around his length, breathing carefully as your nose brushes against his abdomen and you swallow around him. It was painful, truthfully, but you would do anything to show him how good you could make him feel.

"Oh jesus fucking christ. Baby, fuck, you can't just do that and expect me not to fuck your mouth."

You stay exactly where you are, staring up at him as you moan around his length to show your approval for the idea. He doesn't need to be told twice, gently holding your cheeks in a stark contrast to his earlier actions as he begins carefully thrusting into your mouth, testing out different rhythms to see what you could take before he settles into something medium paced, allowing him to get almost the entirety of his length down your throat without causing you too much discomfort. He's lost in the sight of his favourite person on their knees for him, willingly letting him use your pretty mouth to ease the tension. Maybe he had been a little irresponsible. Maybe he was only mad because it wasn't him. All he is sure of is that he needs to take advantage of the moment.

"Takin' it so well, baby. So pretty on your knees for me." He's rambling now, his anger having given way to his usual flow of affection the closer he got to cumming.

"Such a good puppy. Feels too fucking good."

His hips falter and you use the opportunity to take over, throating his cock with renewed passion, his deep groans and swears flooding your senses as you take his entire length into your mouth and swallow again before he's tugging you up, a surprised whimper leaving you as he uses his strength to move you toward the kitchen counter, bending you over it and tugging down your shorts which are connected to you by glistening strings, your arousal shamefully obvious.

He leans over you, rutting against your ass as he pulls you up so that your back is flush against his chest and begins sucking at your neck, leaving tiny love bites along the sensitive skin in a possessive display that you'll have to worry about later, unable to think of anything but having him inside of you as soon as possible.

"Tell me you want it, pup. Tell me how bad you want my cock and I might give it to you."

The idea of having to form a coherent sentence feels impossible, but he wont take the way you press back against his cock and swivel your hips for an answer, leaving you no choice but to make a pitiful attempt at convincing him.

"Please, Channie. Please give me your cock. I need it so fucking bad. Never needed anything more! Please!"

It's shameful how easily he caves, but your whiny voice tugs at his heart and he feels the need to give you anything you could ever want, carefully inching his cock inside of your soaked cunt. He knows what he's packing and he's careful to ensure you're able to accommodate him as he commits the way your walls grip him to his memory. He'd take a picture if he could. He swears he's never seen something more beautiful.

"Fuck, Channie! It's too much... can't..."

He presses a sweet kiss to your cheek, hips pausing as he rubs soothing circles on your hip.

"You're okay baby. I know it's big. You can take it, yeah? Gonna feel so good once it's all in."

you whine, leaning your head back against his shoulder and pushing your hips back to show your agreement. He's kind enough to let you go so that you can lay flat against the cool granite counter and find some relief from the heat burning over you as he finally gets his full length seated inside of you, cooing at you lovingly as he begins with shallow thrust, not going any harder until he hears you moaning in pleasure, your quiet 'hmphs' encouraging him to lean forward and kiss your head in quiet praise. Everything becomes louder as his rhythm picks up, the depth of his thrust steadily increasing until he's pounding into you, the lewd sound of his skin hitting yours making you whine further in embarrassment, face hidden in your arms.

"You feel so good around me, you know that? Pretty cunt clinging to my cock... you really were made to be fucked, hmm? Needy little cunt deserves to be filled all the time. Maybe I should just keep you on my cock. Let you warm me whenever I'm working... I bet you'd like that, huh?"

You hadn't noticed just how close you were to your high until he began rambling, his fingers finding your clit being just want you needed to have you screaming his name, your moans cut off as you clenched around him, your slick seeping around his cock from the pure force of your orgasm.

"That's it. My messy little puppy. Fuck, never thought you'd feel so fucking good cumming on my dick. Gonna have to fill you up if you keep squeezing me like that."

He's abandoned his rhythm in favour of fucking you hard and fast, desperately chasing his own orgasm which he is quick to find, unwilling to pull out as he pumps his load inside of you, the way your pussy pulses causing it to leak out before he's finished. He's keenly watching as he pulls out, admiring the way his cum drips down your thighs when you squeeze your legs together.

A sense of discomfort washes over you, and you're quick to apologise to him, leaving him in a state of confusion as you hurry to the bathroom to get yourself cleaned up.

༄ જ⁀➴

It's becoming an uncomfortable pattern for you to nest in your room after any encounter with Chan, finding that locking yourself in your room to wallow in your emotions was becoming almost a form of comfort for you. You could pretend that you knew where you stood for a little while and it was almost as if things had gone back to normal. Well, until him knocking would break you out of your fantasy world.

He actually waits for you to answer this time, hearing a soft 'yes' before he enters, standing in the door way holding a bag of your favourite yakisoba in hopes of convincing you to spend time with him.

"I thought maybe we could eat and watch something? I made a cosy little nest with the fluffy blankets we keep in the closet and I know you like my mattress better than yours." He chuckles something nervous, singing his words in an attempt to entice you which is shockingly easy when you haven't had your usual fix of snacks and treats.

You're silent aside from a small hum as you climb out of bed, grabbing the bag from his hands and making your way to his room, still offering no real response as you climb on to the pile of blankets and pillows he had made on his bed. You're lulled into a sense of comfort as his scent surrounds you. it's somehow fresh yet warm, and it reminds you of clean laundry straight from the dryer as he settles beside you, handing you a bottle of water that you take with a subtle smile. It's the first time he'd seen you smile at all since the incident, and he feels himself fill with hope, boldly reaching up to pet your ears like he usually would. They twitch in response to his touch, but you don't move away, and he takes that as a win, leaving you be as he digs into his own bowl of noodles.

It's almost peaceful. The sound of your joint laughter fills the room as you eat and you find yourself leaning in to him, craving the closeness you were accustomed to which he is more than happy to give. It was comfortable until you felt the impulsive need to open your mouth.

"Do you hate me?"

He almost misses what you've said, your face hidden in his shoulder as you bite at his hoodie. It hurts him more than it probably should and he can feel his emotions surfacing as he wraps an arm around your waist, tugging at you to persuade you to move into a position that had you sat in his lap, your thighs on either side of him as you hid your face in his neck, your warm breath on his skin causing him to dig his fingers into your hips to ground himself.

"Why would I hate you?"

You mumble, tears hitting his skin. You hated how easily you had been crying lately, but it didn't seem to surprise the man at all.

"Because of what I did... I was bad and I hurt you..."

He frowns at your words, moving back and gently holding your face to make you look at him.

"Hey, no. You didn't do anything wrong. You were right, I was being irresponsible. I shouldn't have gotten so upset when you were just doing what hybrids are known for." He hesitates for a moment before continuing. "I was... jealous. I know we never had that kind of relationship, but I guess I've always felt a little... possessive."

It's your turn to frown now and you poke at his chest as you speak.

"Why wouldn't you tell me that?!"

He captures your hands with his own, locking your fingers and shaking his head in response.

"I don't know! I didn't want to treat you like a pet! You're more important to me than that."

The urge to kiss him is too strong for you to deny and you're met with a surprised grunt as you press your lips to his own in a needy, harsh kiss. He responds quickly, taking control of the motion so that it moves into something more sensual, his tongue teasing your bottom lip enough to get you to accept it into your mouth where it prods at your own, saliva coating your lips.

He gets a little carried away, leaning forward until your back is pressed against the blankets and he's slotting himself between your thighs, your legs wrapping around his hips.

"I'm sorry, baby." He whispers between kisses, your hands tugging at his hair as you feel his bulge pressing against you. it was different this time. Every touch was gentle and thoughtful, carefully conveying his affections for you.

"Wanna show you how much I love you."

You're keening in response, hands leaving his hair to roam across his chest, nails lightly scraping as he presses light kisses along your skin. You don't notice his hand slipping down your pants until you feel his fingers playing with your clit, quickly coated in your slick.

"I love how easy it is for you to get so wet, baby. You're such a good pup, aren't you? So sweet."

Two fingers find your entrance, circling it just to tease you a little which gets him a grumpy huff, your needy wandering hands tugging at his own pants.

"You can finger me later. Need to have you inside me!"

He wouldn't usually give in to you when you're being so demanding, but he lets it slide given the circumstances and is moving away from you for just a second to throw his shirt off and remove his pants, his eyes trained on you as your own shirt is thrown carelessly into his room. He can't resist the urge to take your nipple into his mouth and he tongues at the bud as his cock slips into your eagerly waiting cunt. He's able to sheath himself inside you with minimal struggle this time and you're grateful for it, holding his head against your chest to ensure he continues his attention to your nipple which causes him to let out light moans as he soaks in the pleasure of having you pliant beneath him.

He tries to keep his thrust slow at first, moving away from your chest so that he can watch his cock slide in and out of your aching cunt and admiring the lewd sound it creates as your slick coats his thighs, creating a sticky mess that sparks a primal need in his chest, taunting him and telling him he needs to own you. He needs to make you his.

His thumb comes down to rub at your clit as his free hand meets your chest, groping and occasionally pinching your nipple. He loves the way your soft tummy gives you an air of innocence as his thrusts get harder, your mouth open as you paw at his thighs.

"You look so fucking cute baby. Letting me take you like this. Wanna make you mine, baby. Want you to know that nobody can make you feel as good as I can."

You find the strength to speak, if only to babble strings of 'all yours' and 'you own me' over and over again, though it seems to be more than enough for him to be setting a proper rhythm with his thumb, set on having you cum around him once again after a brief intermission so that he could shove a pillow under the small of your back, allowing him to angle his thrust so that his cock was hitting every spot you needed it to.

"Channie... Feels so good! Love you so much..." Your words are a whisper but they're clear as ever to him, his heart pulsing with love as he thrusts harder into you, feeling you clench around him as you got closer to finishing.

"Love my baby so much. Want you to cum for me, puppy. Will you do that for me? Let me feel your pretty pussy cum on my cock. Show me that it belongs to me."

Dirty talk is always your weakness and you're cumming quickly, your body shaking as he kisses you messily, his body weight pressing heavy on top of you to keep you calm as you drown in intense emotions, unaware that you were sobbing uncontrollable beneath him.

"Good puppy. You're doing so good baby. I'm so proud of you. Do you want me to stop?"

You shake your head aggressively in response, whimpering as he attempts to move back, desperate to feel him as close to you as possible.

"No no, please. need you to cum. please cum in me? Need it. Wanna feel it." You ramble your please mixed with words of praise and affirmations of your love and he wouldn't be able to resist in any situation, thrusting into you with no clear rhythm as he cums, briefly filling you before he pulls out to shoot the last ropes across your pussy, satisfying his need to mark you.

You're both a panting mess as he lays beside you, pulling you into his chest protectively as you continue to cry a little, his hand rubbing firm circles to the tips of your sensitive ears to soothe you.

"You're okay baby. I've got you. I've always got you."

༄ જ⁀➴

You're finally feeling like yourself again after a few days of Chans occasionally aggressive form of love and he's giggling cheerfully at you as you throw a pack of ramen at him from your perch on the counter, capturing your lips for a playful kiss as you both hear knocking, your face flushing when he answers the door and you see Hyunjin enter with a teasing smirk on his face.

"I'm glad to see you two made up." He taunts accompanied with loud kissy noises and your hand finds another pack of ramen, wiping the smirk off his lips as it bounces off his shoulder and you're quickly searching through the fridge for your favourite snack, pouting as you stomp over to where the men had settled.

"Oh god, what is it this time?" Chan teases, pulling you down into his lap.

"Pudding." Is your only response, your arms crossed over your chest as you scowl at Hyunjins laughter, Chans own giggle vibrating you as he kisses your temple.

"We will go get you more pudding."

[strayklds]

HAN 🧪 SKZ CODE EP. 47 SUSPICIOUS LAB #1

+ bonus

[skzdarlings]

bodyguard: the first guard | part one | chan/reader

masterlist. part one of the previous story.

PART ONE.

( READ ON AO3. )

A sequel to the Bodyguard. Miroh's daughter is assigned a bodyguard of her own. The past is confronted when old friendships and new enemies are pushed to the brink.

pairing: bang chan/reader content info: sequel to the bodyguard (felix/reader). this is a new reader perspective. please note this story will contain a great deal of physical violence, some committed against the reader and some committed by her. this will include fighting, training, torture, and parental abuse. there will also be explicit sexual content. chapter word count: 7500 words.

enjoy <3

-

B E F O R E

Felix takes his place in formation.  He is the youngest in the youth regiment at only ten years old, but he is no less competent.  They all belong to the same special-ops program, a group of specially selected children raised for armed service.  They are in the employ of Mister Miroh – and he says they will save the world. 

The world is full of shadows, dank black holes and grimy stains so embedded that no regular agent can scrub them out.  The young subjects of the soldier program are not regular agents.  Their existence is their mission.  

Felix has no life outside of the house of Miroh.   

He stands straight.  He looks forward.  His feet are the appropriate width apart and his hands are folded behind his back.  He holds this position as the trainers scour the lined formation, studying the young soldiers and reprimanding any flaw. 

They need the best soldier for this mission.  This is the most important assignment the regiment will ever receive.  Felix has trained his whole life for this.   

“Miroh has many enemies,” speaks the head trainer.  It is a familiar speech, more important now than ever.  “But our target is his local rival.  This enemy family has been a corrupting force for generations, taking through inheritance what it has not earned.  Miroh is not like The Enemy.  Miroh is a solider like you.  He came from nothing, fought for scraps, and built his own business one brick at a time.  He understands the world and he will fix it through you. You will be his hands in the places he cannot reach.  Your role is an honourable one.” 

A trainer passes Felix.  Felix straightens his spine that last infinitesimal degree.  They touch his shoulder but do not reprimand him.  It makes his pulse hammer with anticipation. 

Felix is one of the best.  There is a possibility they will pick him, if only because the actual best has a habit of—

“Oh, cheer up, mate,” Chris’s voice comes from a few rows back. “You know what they say: all work and no play makes—”

He is interrupted by a whoosh of air, probably a trainer punching him in the stomach. Felix closes his eyes so he does not wince.

“Bang Christopher Chan,” the head trainer says, his voice booming across the facility floor.  “Step forward.” 

Felix hears a frustrated sigh, then Chris stomps through the lines to reach the front row.  Everyone looks at him. 

He is an unassuming character.  Not very tall but deceptively strong.  Curly black hair and dimpled cheeks.  Felix remembers that smile, the lilting and friendly, “Call me Chris,” when Felix was just six years old and first thrown into the regiment. 

Bang “Call Me Chris” Chan is the best soldier here.  Or he would be, if he did not hate the honour. 

Even now he is glaring.  Like the rest of them, he is dressed in combat clothes, the pitch black of Miroh.  Unlike the rest of them, he stands with a lazy hunch in his shoulders.  His dark hair is dishevelled and he scowls like a petulant teenager.  He is thirteen going on fourteen but he is far from a normal teenage boy.  Even compared to the rest of them, Chris is something special. 

“Bang Chan,” the head trainer says.  “You have been chosen for this assignment.  Congratulations.” 

Felix is not surprised.  When Chris is forced to apply himself, it is abundantly clear he is the best soldier in the program by a huge margin.   Felix is also not surprised when Chris responds with his usual verve and ire.   

“Yeah, uh, you can go ahead and shove your congratulations up your ass, mate,” Chris says.  He crosses his arms stubbornly.  “Even if we kill this guy, do you really expect us to believe that’s the end of it?  You’re putting us in the middle of a fight we didn’t start.”   

He addresses the soldiers behind him just as much as the trainer.  He even glances at Felix who glares back at him, unimpressed with the rebellious dramatics.  Chris never learns.  He gets more chances than the rest of them because he is so good.  If he wanted, he could be unstoppable.  He could use his strengths for good. 

Instead, he just looks at the trainer and shakes his head.

“Nah,” Chris says.  “You started this fight.  I’m not ending it.”

A few of the adult guards move towards him.  The gathered soldiers take a collective breath, watching with anticipation.  It is common knowledge that thirteen year old Bang Chan can take a regular adult guard in a matter of seconds.  When it comes to Chris, the question is not who will win, but will he fight at all? 

He stands there like he has no intention of fighting.  But before anyone can grab him, the door opens. 

Miroh enters. 

The room is so tense and silent, his footsteps reverberate like thunder.  Miroh is every inch a soldier even in his blazer and tie.  He walks with purpose, his face intent. 

Walking behind him, keeping decent pace despite her smaller frame, is his daughter. 

Miroh is a fighter who does not believe in unearned inheritance, so his daughter is trainee soldier like the rest of them.  She is the same age as Chris.  She trains with the regiment, one of the better agents, but she was not in contention for this particular job.  People have tried to kill The Enemy before and it did not work, resulting in the death of innocents.  Miroh wants a strong heir and he is not above putting her through the same grueling regime as the rest of them, but he will not recklessly risk her life. 

It is fair to Felix.  Miroh’s world makes sense.  He believes in it.  He believes in him.

So he is rapt as Miroh approaches. 

The adult guards fall back and the young soldiers stand at attention.  Miroh’s jaw is set with grim determination.  He stares at Chris.

Chris drops his crossed arms.  He is smart enough not to run his mouth at Miroh directly, but his frustration is clearly simmering beneath the surface.  His fingers curl and uncurl in little fists. 

Miroh stands in front of him.  He speaks loud enough to address the entire room.

“I do not begrudge your desire for information,” Miroh says.  “You’re soldiers, not animals.  I acknowledge that you wish to know about the long-term goals for this company.  But that is not your job or your purpose.  This business is deliberately compartmentalized so if one cog in the machine fails, the apparatus does not cease to function.  The results of your missions speak for themselves.  What we’re doing is good work. That is all that matters.”

“Says you,” Chris blurts.  Even he looks surprised by his own retort, though he does not take it back.  He looks Miroh in the eye. 

Miroh looks back.  Then he reaches into the holster beneath his long coat and draws a gun.  It is smooth, second-nature.  Miroh is used to getting his hands dirty.  His steady hand points the gun at Chris. 

The trigger has not been pulled but the trainers already flinch.  They know Chris is the best and they have worked hard to shape him, even if his stubborn mind is not molded as easily as his body. 

Chris, himself, does not flinch.  He stares down the barrel, unrelenting. 

“You don’t want to do that.” 

The soft interjection makes everyone pause.  Heads turn and eyes dart, everyone’s attention transferring to the thirteen year old girl in the shadows.   

Miroh does not lower the gun but he looks at his daughter.  Chris looks at her too.  Felix is not sure who is more bewildered. 

The girl, herself, is calm.  She has indubitably mastered a stoic countenance, not a hint of emotion anywhere on her young face. 

“He’s the First Guard,” she states simply.  “This is not worth killing him over.”

The First Guard.  The other kids in the regiment sometimes call Chris that, though he doesn’t like it so it is usually behind his back.  Chris does not like that he has been singled out.  Chris does not like anything about the program. 

This is Miroh’s second attempt at the youth soldier program.   The operation raises soldiers from childhood to fight, to withstand pain, to feel no fear.  This training is supplemented with medical treatments, hormonal injections that are only effective if administered in the crucial developmental years of childhood.  It aids in building a body for soldiership, to take a hit just a little harder than most. 

Chris is the only survivor from the first round of injections.  He survived every test that followed.  He is stronger for it, even stronger than the rest of them.  He is a singular asset.  He will never be replicated. 

Thanks to The Enemy, none of them will ever be replicated.  The Enemy recently attempted to recruit Miroh’s developers and killed them when he did not succeed.  Detailed knowledge of the treatment died with them.   

Miroh can never accomplish anything with his enemy on perpetual offense.  Felix knows the stories like the rest of them, the generations of corruption wrought by a single wealthy family with its iron fist wrapped around the country’s throat.  Miroh wants to free them.  Felix knows if they kill this one man, if the household is left to rot in the hands of its weak successor, then Miroh can finally set everyone free. 

It is a noble honour.

Chris does not see it that way.  He never has.  Maybe it is different for him, having watched those other children die.  Felix understands it was a sacrifice, but a necessary one.  The Enemy cannot be killed by a regular soldier.  So many more innocents will die if he is left unchecked.  Surely that is worth the price of a few soldiers.  Wars have casualties.  It will be worth it.

It has to be worth it. 

Bang Chan, the First Guard – call me Chris – takes a deep breath.  It sounds frustrated.  He glares at Miroh’s daughter who is unaffected. 

Felix looks between them.  Then his gaze lands on another soldier in the formation.  Seo Changbin is in the first row, a boy one year older than Felix.  Not the best soldier, not second best, but not the worst. His most notable trait is his humour and his friendship with Miroh’s daughter.  They are close – at least as close as anyone can be down here. 

Changbin is looking at her right now, his gaze searing with intensity.  Their eyes meet briefly and he shakes his head, a small motion, just enough for her to see.  Despite his clear warning to stop, she is not dissuaded from addressing her father. 

“With all due respect, sir,” she says to Miroh, “Eliminating Bang Chan would be a mistake.  He’s the best soldier in the operation.”

“The best,” Miroh says.  He presses the barrel of the gun against Chris’s forehead.  Chris goes tense and everyone takes a breath.    

His daughter is still unmoved.  She is a quiet character in general.  Felix has barely heard her speak never mind argue.  She keeps her head down and goes about her work obediently.  She is a good daughter and a better soldier.     

Maybe that is why Miroh hesitates. 

“He is not the best if this is how he conducts himself,” Miroh says. 

“Father, aren’t you the best at what you do?” she asks without hesitation.  “Surely a proper soldier like you should be able to control a little boy.  Are you saying you are not capable of that task?  It takes no skill to shoot a teenager.  What message do you send to the rest of us if you have to resort to desperate measures to keep your own army in line?”    

The silence is deafening.  Even with a gun plastered to his forehead, a little dimple of amusement pops in Chris’s cheek.  Changbin exhales.  Felix is sick of standing still but he holds his form despite the growing tension. 

The seconds feel like hours.  Eventually, Miroh lowers the gun. 

“Guards,” he says.  The adult guards are immediately at his side.  “My daughter has faith in our order.  I would be remiss as a father to fail her.”  He looks down at Chris and speaks with a snarl in his upper lip, “Let us all try our best to succeed.” 

Miroh snaps his fingers and points at Chris.  The guards swarm him, two of them taking an arm each.  At least Chris is smart enough not to struggle.  He is an indomitable force but he does not have an army at his call.  He lets himself be seized. 

“Take him to the Cell,” Miroh says.

An instinctive hiss leaves the mouths of a few soldiers.  They have all been trained to withstand various degrees of torture, but the Cell is one of the worst.  Even Felix shudders at the mention of it.  It is a small windowless room buried deep in the bunker of the training facility, a small prison cell with no light and no warmth.  Everyone has taken a turn in isolation, camped on the hard ground in the damp and cold and dark.  Down there, minutes feel like days, days like years.  At least literal torture causes sensation.  The Cell is a great black nothing. 

Chris does not argue, knowing it would be useless, but he does glare at Miroh as he is hauled away. 

“Take her too,” Miroh says. 

With a snap of his fingers, two more guards surface and grab his daughter.  Her stoic expression finally fractures, true surprise bursting on her face. 

“Me?” she asks. 

“As my daughter, your perspective is acknowledged and appreciated,” he says.  “As a soldier, you need to remember your place.  Throw them in together.  Double the people, double the time.” 

Felix would not want to be shoved in that tiny space with another person.  Certainly not if the trade was double the duration. 

But then, Felix does not like company.  He does not understand the exhausted look on Changbin’s face.  Changbin isn’t being punished, so why would he feel anything? 

Felix watches.  He holds his form even where others begin to wane. 

The guards and their prisoners leave.  The door closes and Miroh looks over the regiment.

“Who’s the second best?”  Miroh asks. 

There is a beat of silence, the scene settling.  The trainer finally clears his throat and looks down at his papers. 

“Lee Felix Yongbok,” he says in that booming voice.  Felix’s heart soars just as high.  “Step forward.”

Felix marches forward, keeps his eyes ahead.  Miroh approaches him.  Felix does not flinch, not even when Miroh circles him like prey.

“He’s young,” Miroh says.  “What do you have to say for yourself, boy?”

“I want to do good,” Felix answers.  “I’m ready.” 

They put a gun in his hand and a beanie on his head.  He enters the world looking like a normal ten year old boy. 

He puts a bullet in the head of The Enemy. 

He suspects one day he will be back for the son and granddaughter. 

He hopes it will be soon. 

-

P R E S E N T   D A Y

Despite your father’s remarkable propensity for making you feel like a child, you are a grown adult.  You are intelligent and conniving and dangerously competent.  In some ways, having been raised like a soldier beneath his merciless iron fist, you are more steadfast, more severe.  Your life is carved into his, your fates tethered as one to his success.  You are your father’s daughter, a Miroh, irrevocably a product of his upbringing.   

You do not show weakness.  You do not throw tantrums.  You might spend twenty minutes in the lobby bathroom, splashing cold water on your face, and you might spend another five minutes shining your shirt buttons, then ten more folding and re-folding the lapel of your long coat – but walking into his office almost forty minutes late is not the same thing as throwing a tantrum. 

You think you’re composed until you walk through that door, then the week’s anxieties expand in the cage of your chest.  You are capable but you are not stupid.  Miroh might be your father but he is a totalitarian man of influence and it would be foolish not to be wary of his power. 

You are more apprehensive than you appear, but you march in there like a soldier, shoulders back and head high.  You inherited your father’s marble expressions and stone stature.  No one would ever guess your palms were so clammy, your neck hot and damp with sweat. 

“I’m here,” you say by way of greeting.   You are not characters to indulge in artificial small talk.  There is no affection here and pretending otherwise is a waste of everyone’s time.  

“I won’t bother with pre-amble,” he says, predictably.   ”You know why you’re here.”

“I do,” you say.  “And I don’t agree with it.”

“I know you don’t.”

The argument ends just like that.  You knew it was a dead-end protestation before you opened your mouth, but you had to say something.  You are adamantly opposed to your father’s latest imposition.    

A personal, twenty-four hour bodyguard.   For you.    

The decision was not made lightly.   Your father’s business rival perished just under a month ago, the bloody circumstances extreme and mysterious.  Until Miroh can ascertain what truly transpired at that house on that fateful night, then he cannot be too careful when it comes to guarding his own legacy.

Your father is a military tactician and business man.  He is in the habit of bracing for every eventuality with a detached, pragmatic determination.   Of course he wants you watched. This bodyguard assignment is imperative in protecting his house. 

“I have a security team,” you say. 

“They are insufficient,” he replies. 

“I trained them myself.”

“They are too numerous.”

“I’ll cut down the roster.”

“Rotations open vulnerabilities.”    

“And who’s to replace them?” Your patience snaps. “One of your dogs?”

“You are also one of my dogs,” he says, voice soft for such a venomous retort.  It stings like a slash across your chest.  “I would not disparage them.” 

“Oh, of course, my apology.”  You speak with the same false gentility.  “What a thoughtful master you are.”

“I must be,” he says, “because the dogs still come when I call.” 

There is so much contempt in his voice.  He looks at you with more hatred than he ever directed to his worst enemy.   It makes you want to leap across this room and throttle him with your bare hands, like you can shake the animosity right out of him. 

You are too old to feel like a little girl on the verge of tears, demanding to know why her father does not love her.   You have long since accepted there is no easy answer to that question.  You would say that Miroh is simply not capable of love but you know that is not true.  He can love.  He just doesn’t love you.  

You are the perfect heir, his exact replica in ability and countenance, but it is not enough.  It will never be enough.  No matter what you do, no matter how faithfully you obey him.   You have bloodied your hands in the shadows while he takes the public credit.  You have helped build the reputation of the family name.  You have given him everything. 

He rewards you with this.   

You are not stupid.  Regardless of his excuses, he does not want you under surveillance for your protection.  You both know your personal training puts you leagues ahead of the overwhelming majority of agents.  Your security team is a superfluous accessory as is.

Miroh has just witnessed the collapse of a previously impenetrable legacy.  This does not put him at ease.  The battle technician accounts for every possible manoeuvre.  You know he foresees his own downfall just as easily as he sees his success.  Unseated before his time, reputation annihilated, replaced by someone as savage and persistent as him. 

A bodyguard will not protect you from the world.  It will protect Miroh from you. 

For all your inner turmoil, you are a steadfast rock, standing across your father in his office and exchanging a knowing glance.  You are just like him.  Of course he is scared of you.  Of course he hates you.  Of course he needs you.  

The feeling is devastatingly mutual. 

“Who is it?” you ask, calmly. 

“Agent Slump, step forward,” your father calls one of the guards posted at the back wall.  “This is your new bodyguard officer.  He will accompany you at all times, day and night, including your office hours and service train—”

The agent steps forward as your father speaks.  You draw your gun out of your chest holster and shoot when the man steps into your periphery.  It blows through his shoulder and knocks him down, all in a piercing shriek that reverberates around the small room.  The other guards flinch in the ringing aftermath. 

You look at your father and re-holster your gun.  You lay the lapel of your long coat back over your chest. 

“He leaves something to be desired,” you say.  “I would have thought you learned your lesson with these undertrained toy soldiers.  Maybe a better bodyguard would have kept your wife alive.” 

Your own mother died during complications in childbirth.  Miroh remarried a few years later, a woman he genuinely seemed to cherish, a woman who was killed in retaliation for a deal gone sour.  Nothing fills your father with more righteous fury than the mention of her.  Miroh loved her almost as much as he hates you. 

You know better than to retaliate with such childish rejoinders, but you want to hit him where it hurts, see something real on that stoic face.  It garners you a flicker of rage, bathed in all that loathing, and it makes you smile. 

“Let me know if you can find a competent replacement,” you say.  “Until then, I have work to do.” 

You turn heel and march to the door.  The guards move out of your way despite lack of command.  They have never respected you the way they respect your father, but they do fear you and it works the same way. 

You are dressed for the office but after an unproductive hour spent stewing in agitation, you give up.  The head of your security team accompanies you across town to the primary training facilities.  Hidden in plain site, here Miroh has trained and developed some of his most deadly assets. 

You are one of those assets.  You spent your childhood in this facility, training among an elite selection of children, raised for the purpose of violence and victory.  It was a unique program.  It has never been revived, the medicant administered to the children lost and yet to be replicated.  

You are one of the few still living. 

Your training was relatively more lax.  As Miroh’s daughter, the trainers could not let you die.  But neither he nor they had qualms with letting you suffer.  Miroh never admonished them and you never complained, at the time naively thinking that if you could prove yourself then he would care about you.

A foolish aspiration long since abandoned. 

But the training has served you well over the years.  It certainly comes in handy when you need to fucking punch something. 

Your security team is comprised of regular soldiers so it does not take much to best them in a fight.  The exertion is nonetheless liberating.  You have always felt more at ease in action than behind a desk.  Combat clothes are less stifling than formalwear.  There is a reason Miroh never paraded you at parties the way his late enemy did with his late daughter.  Your place is in a fight and always has been.  

After a few rounds in the ring, you stop to rest.   Your team knows when to leave you alone to brood.  You lay back on the mat, flat in the ring. 

There is a moment, as often passes, where you question your entire life.  It has been a long, vicious fight, clawing your way to your position, that the road back out seems like an impossibly arduous task.  Too much has happened, too much pain and loss.  It has to mean something. 

You cannot surrender now.  The very thought has you reeling, physically painful to even consider.  

This is where you belong.  It is an irrevocable truth.  You are a Miroh. 

“Yah, murder princess,” comes a voice and the thud of booted steps.  “Just three rounds?  Tsk.  You’re getting soft.”

You roll over, grinning even though you know better.  You look up at Changbin who is dressed in similar fatigues, his bulky arms crossed over his broad chest, his dark bangs brushing his smirking face. 

“I was waiting for a real fight,” you reply.  “Looks like I’m still waiting.”

He barks out a laugh. 

Changbin is one of the few survivors of your father’s special-ops program.  Unlike others who were imported from your father’s overseas operations, Changbin was raised right here alongside you.  You do not even remember meeting him; he has just always been there.  

He is a few years younger but he always held your attention, both because of his skill and his ability to retain a sense of humour.  It was an often sought breath of relief in the conditions of your training. 

You look at Changbin now, grinning and more jovial than someone like him should be.  It is a testament to his resolute strength that he can hold a dual personality inside him.  He has always been that way.  He can flip between a stoic soldier and goofy guy in the blink of an eye.  It is part of the reason you have never let yourself entirely trust him.  Though you are fond of him, he is like you: just a little too good at what he does. 

“Haha, the princess thinks she’s a comedian now,” Changbin says.  He nudges you with the tip of his boot.  “If you want to make me laugh, you should try fighting.” 

“Oh, I see.”  You cannot help but rise to his bait, like always.  He is a perpetual little brother even though he is not your real brother and certainly not little anymore. 

You swipe at him and he jumps back.  Just like that, the pair of you fall into a long practiced dance.  

It is not the gentle footwork of a real dance, but a violent collision and parry of limbs.  It is just as musical and in sync, and somehow almost as tender.  You know each other’s weaknesses as well as strengths.  You know how to beat each other and how to prolong surrender, where to give advantage so the other can continue.  You used to fight until the trainers called a tie, saving you both from selection for the loser’s punishment.  To everyone else, it looked like a fight.  To you, it was a conversation and consolation.  Even if you had been in solitude for weeks, in that moment you were not alone. 

Changbin reads you now, in every swipe and jump and dodge.  In your matching black clothes and matching strength you collide and converse.  Your frustration strains in every vein and his enquires are plain in the deliberate pause of his complicated steps.

“Daddy problems, ah, murder princess?” he asks, grinning. 

He catches your fist before it collides with that smirk, twisting your wrist so you are forced to follow with a heavy drop.  You roll together, a back and forth until you individually spring to your feet and face each other.  You wait for the next move with equal calculation.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” you say, batting a hit. 

“Really?” he asks.  “Because there are rumours in the pig pen that the general was looking for a big strong soldier to protect his little princess.” 

He lets you clock his jaw but it is a satisfying smack nonetheless.  A drop of aggravation is wrung out with your sweat.  You wipe your brow. 

“There was a change of plans,” you say.

Changbin laughs.   He is loud, always so loud for someone who can be so stealthy. 

“Of course!” he shouts.  “Keeping the doctors busy today, are you?”

He really knows you too well.  It is mutual.  You side-step a movement and body-check him. 

“Guess that’s what the general gets for choosing from the pig pen,” you say.  You infuse your father’s title with all the sardonic venom it deserves and pig pen with the same playful mockery as always. 

“Don’t be jealous,” Changbin teases right back, catching your taunt as easily as he catches your punch.  “If you keep practicing, one day you might be almost as good as me.” He has been making the same wisecrack for years, laughing to himself every single time. 

“Funny,” you say dryly. 

“I am the best,” he continues to tease, embellishing his movements with an unnecessarily dramatic flair.  “I’m sure that’s why the general doesn’t want me on bodyguard duty, right?  I need a real job, not protecting the princess.”

There are a few rapid-fire moves, too taxing for speech.  Then you manage, “Right.”  You take his offered opening and catch the back of his knee with yours.  “I’m sure it has nothing to do with your probation after the last field mission.” 

You expect to take him down but you do not expect the weight of his crash.  It is not like Changbin to fully collapse under you, almost like he was truly surprised. 

You are just as dazed by the impact.  You loom over him, staring bemusedly, like you have no idea how he got on the floor. 

It is not like Changbin to take a hit so personally.  Of all your father’s soldiers, he was always the best at shrugging off his individuality in favour of a mission.   He does not tend to dwell on his losses anymore than he lingers in his victories.  The past is a heavy thing to carry into battle.  He knows to leave it behind.  There is always another job around the corner. 

“You’re not still upset about that?” you ask.

The mission was shortly before the enemy’s downfall.  Years ago, one of your father’s child soldiers betrayed an operation.  Lee Felix switched sides and the enemy did not let your father forget it.   But Miroh is an ever-calculating general who knows which battles are worth fighting.  After one failed attempt at seizing the enemy’s daughter, he waited until the enemy came to him instead.  

When he finally did, you caught him.  You sent Changbin after his daughter and waited for the enemy’s imminent surrender.  He retracted his operation but Felix, that loose canon of a traitor-turned-bodyguard, fucked the Mirohs a second time and disappeared with her.  They all died a week later. 

Changbin was noticeably uneasy after the job, but you did not think much of it.   You were not worried about Changbin taking the mission too personally.  Yes, Felix was a former soldier in this regiment, but Changbin is not sentimental.  You chalked up his despondency to his loss.  It is not like him to let a target slip through his fingers. 

“Upset,” Changbin says.  “Me?”

You know him too well.  The joking tone is diminished, buried beneath the weight of his gloom.  He tries to smile but it does not fit on his face, too big and too wide of a grin. 

You tip your head, your regard scrutinous.  You have no idea how to talk to him with real depth.  You look at each other and understand it, but vocalizing it is another matter entirely. 

Like he can read your thoughts, his face scrunches up and he says, “Yah, you, cut that out!”  He shoves you as he gets to his feet, both of you stumbling.  “I’m fine,” he says.  “Come on, hit me again.” 

You are certainly better at conversing that way.

You take a starting stance but you are interrupted when someone from your security team whistles.  It is a warning whistle, the sharp tone a code for the arrival of your father.

You and Changbin straighten, turning to watch as Miroh approaches with a flank of armed guards behind him.  They are all dressed for combat in their black uniforms and black masks.  The half-mask is regulation for all field agents.  It covers the bottom half of the face and serves as protection in the event of smoke from explosions or exposure to noxious aerosols and gasses.

It also undoubtedly turns a human soldier into a less-than-human figure.  It obscures features, faces, flaws. 

Sharp eyes stare at you, every face uniform and expressionless.  There are half a dozen of them.  Your father’s usual security detail trails behind them.  Your security team eyes them in turn.   The whole room feels like a pot about to boil over.    

“What is this?” you demand.  

“This is my adherence to our agreement,” your father says. 

“Our agreement?” you ask.

“Yes.”  He stops in the middle of the room, standing straight and steady.  He looks at ease, like he barges in here with a small army every day.  “You tasked me to find a competent replacement bodyguard,” he says.  “So here is how this will go: whichever agent can beat you in a fight, right here, right now, will be your new bodyguard.  If you defeat them all, I will drop the issue and leave the matter of your personal security to you.” 

You look at his soldiers then at him.  You force yourself to composure.  It is not like you to instigate so much confrontation. You prefer to keep your head down and get the job done.  Your father does not love you but he knows your work is reliable.  Usually that is enough.

This entire escapade with the enemy has unravelled everyone.  The house of Miroh should be more stable than ever, your father taking over assets left behind by the enemy, but the whole world feels changed.  It is off its axis.  You feel unsteady, your body braced for attack with no reprieve.  You feel like you are looking at the world through someone else’s eyes.  Everything feels wrong.

In difficult times, you fall back on training and soldier instinct.  You are a battle technician, just as competent as your father.  He is not going to drop the issue and this is a fair compromise.  You can fight these guards.  Half a dozen well-trained field agents is a handful but not impossible.  Your body is built to be a little faster, a little stronger, to take a hit harder. 

“Fine,” you say, a single grating syllable.  You bite the word.  Through clenched teeth, you add, “Let’s do this.”

You and Changbin exchange a look.  He reflects your confusion, knowing you can easily take these guards, knowing Miroh knows that too.  It makes you feel even more uneasy.  Your father must be planning something but you do not know what.  But you cannot control him.  You can only control yourself.  You can fight these guys.  You can win. 

You take a swig of water then stretch.  The first guard takes a position in the fighting ring.  You brace yourselves with a starting stance, measuring the other. 

You wait, sweat dripping down your brow.  You feel their eyes on you, every soldier, your father, your friend.  Changbin stands off to the side, sitting in shadows.

It is where your kind belongs.  You are not regular soldiers. 

The fight begins and you take him down swiftly.  Your game with Changbin was just that, a game.  This is real.  This is a battle.  This is what your body was made to do. 

One by one, you take out the agents.  They charge at you, they swing at you, they even try to taunt you.  You deflect it all.  Your fist connects with a temple, your foot their knee.  You pop joints and flip soldiers and springboard back to action. 

You are getting tired by the last soldier but you do not let it show.  You sweat profusely, breathing hard, but you run at him and take him down.  Your bodies are a swirl of limbs and powerful movements.  Then he is on the ground, groaning, and you are rising, victorious. 

“Well?” you say.  You cannot help but grin, elated from the sheer exertion of exercise, and proud of your triumph.  There is a small, stupid part of you that hopes underneath everything, your father is proud too.  That he must relent and admit you are good.  

Miroh just stands there, unmoving and unaffected.  It dims your smile, frustration returning.  It simmers hot beneath your skin. It distracts you. 

Pain explodes in your left cheek, so sharp and searing it turns the world dark for half a second.  You see lightning flashes as you stumble, falling onto your side.  There is another guard in front of you, one you did not even see enter the room.  Did he drop down from the ceiling? 

He is a blurry shape.  You blink the stars out of your eyes, holding your throbbing head until clarity returns. 

Then your stomach drops. 

It is not a guard looming over you.  He wears the same black combat uniform and the same half-mask, but everything about him is different, everything from his build to his stance to the ice cold slash of his dark eyes.  Emotionless.  Empty. 

“Ah, I see,” you say, a breathless slur of words.  You cannot stop your voice from shaking.  “The First Guard.  I should have known.” 

There are only two living soldiers who can fight at your level.  The only two survivors of your father’s special-ops program.  One of them is Seo Changbin.

The other is Bang Christopher Chan. 

He stands over you in his combat gear, unflinching and barely human.  Even without the mask, you doubt you would see any humanity.  There is not a single shred of the boy he once was.  Chan was a problem for Miroh, once.  That was a very long time ago. 

That boy, Chris, is dead.  He has been dead for years.  The soldier in front of you is someone – something – else. 

You get to your feet, slowly and shakily.  He watches you.  He does not speak and he barely blinks, his gaze a meticulous perusal, his body braced for anything. 

Chan has the bloodiest, dirtiest hands of them all.  He does your father’s worst missions, assignments with details that even you are barred from knowing.  He is terrifyingly efficient, deadlier than any weapon in Miroh’s arsenal, and that is saying something because it is a substantial arsenal.  

Your own hands are dirty but it is nothing in comparison.  He is fast, he is deadly, and he feels nothing.  He looks at you like a machine scans a calculation.  A broken bone here, a fracture there.  You are certain he is already picturing a hundred different ways to contort your broken body. 

“Right,” you say. 

You are a strategist.  You know how to fight.  You know when not to fight.  But it is like instinct.  You look at him and something says fight him.   

You feel your father’s eyes on you.  You are not sure who is teaching who a lesson. 

You take a swing at Chan.  He dodges it.  He swings too, faster, but you anticipate it.  You tuck and roll, moving faster than you have ever moved in your life.  You are seldom pushed to the brink of your abilities like this.  Even half your skillset is double what most adversaries possess. 

But Chan is too much.  You spend the fight on constant defense, blocking swing after swing, hit after hit.  You take advantage of the smallest opening and crack your fist on his chest, only to realize he deliberately opened himself to it.  He grabs your wrist and twists you around before you can retaliate.  You are not used to such brute strength.  You follow his twisting to prevent a sprain or fracture, which he anticipates.  He grabs you by the throat and yanks you into him, right off your feet. 

You choke, blue swarming your rapidly blurring vision.  He slams you down on the ground, further disorienting you, still clutching your neck.

You dive somewhere deep inside your head.  You collect yourself as per your training, then swing your knee up between his legs.  It does not fully incapacitate him but it does discombobulate him.  He lets go of your throat and you slide between his legs, jumping up behind him.  He turns just in time to take a kick to the stomach, blasting him backwards to the end of the ring.    He prevents a worse fall by forcing himself down on one knee. 

You take the second he is down to catch your breath.  You try to calculate your next move but your adrenaline is dwindling.  Hopelessness settles in your chest.  You cannot win this fight.  At best, you can prolong it, but—

For the second time, you are blind-sided by pain.  It shatters down the right side of your body, a winded shove that blows right through you.   But it is not Chan.  Chan is still getting to his feet. 

You look up only for Changbin to bring his fist down in your face.  It knocks you off your feet and you land with a heavy thud.  Your heart races inside your aching chest. 

You have never fought Changbin like this. 

“What are you doing?” you hiss when he grabs you by the neck and drags you onto your feet.  You come to your senses and fight back, but you are hurt and tired and he has been recuperating. 

He punches you clear across the jaw and knocks you down again.  The world tilts sideways, spotted with black and blue.  Changbin drops on top of you.  You cannot even wrestle him, so disoriented.  He gets you flat on your front and pins you down. 

Then he takes a second to whisper in your ear, “Stop fighting me, murder princess.  Who do you want as a bodyguard?  Me or that thing?” 

If you were not so tired, you might have laughed. 

Your life is so backwards.  Changbin is helping you by beating the shit out of you.  But it is undoubtedly helpful.  He is right.  If Chan beat you, then Chan would be your bodyguard.  Your father would win.  He would have one of his agents glued to your side.  An agent you would never be able to shake no matter what you did. 

But it is not Chan over you.  It is your friend.  Someone from the same shadows as you.  Someone your father was not anticipating.

Changbin grabs you by the neck and yanks you up.  You look at your father with blood dribbling out of your mouth.

“I win,” Changbin says. 

Your father does not look happy.  That should upset you.  You and Miroh are bound as one. 

But it gives you a thrill.  His abomination of a soldier looms to the side, still staring at you, like he expects the fight to continue any second.  You suppose Chan’s life is one big fight and always has been. 

It doesn’t have to be that way for you, you think to yourself, a dangerous thought, one conjured by the feeling of your only friend holding you in his arms.  It looks like a death grip to anyone else, purely technical, but you feel it, the way he cups your injuries carefully despite his bulk and power.     

Miroh is scared.  He is getting desperate.  He wants you brought to heel.   In doing so, he is only stoking your resentment.

That pot starts to boil over.

“Well?” you say, in a voice as rough as gravel. 

“Yes,” your father says with a petty little snarl.  “I suppose you have won, haven’t you?” 

Changbin helps you off the ground.  You suffer through your pains.  You can feign steadiness for another minute, for long enough to retaliate.

You climb out of the ring.   You pass the other injured guards.  You walk right up to your father. 

Miroh stares at you.  You have identical glares, measuring each other.  Two soldiers with the same fire in their blood. 

You punch him.  It is a nice sharp shot across the face, using all the strength you have left.  You are one of the best.  Despite your injuries, it is still one fucking hell of a punch.

Miroh falls back in an undignified sprawl, hitting the hard ground with a painful thud.  He is good but he is not you. A fall like that would not have broken your bones the way it clearly fractures his arm.  

“Until next time, father,” you say. 

You step over him.  His security team immediately surrounds him, helping him up.  Your team comes to your aid as well.  Changbin follows too, coming right up to your side.  He grabs your arm and slings it around his shoulder, taking the brunt of your weight seconds before you would have collapsed. 

You look back over your shoulder.  The injured guards are tending their wounds.  Chan is looming in the background like a living shadow.  Miroh is clutching his arm and staring at you with fury pouring out of him.  You walk away, smiling despite your injuries. 

Your father should know better than to hit you.

You always hit back.

[jl-micasea-fics]

The Play of You and I | bc

❝𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝…❞

↳ There is nothing time leaves untouched. It changes all, as it changed you and him, and though those sepia days of childhood seem so far now, you cling to them fondly. When sudden grief tears the man you know - the boy - from himself, it falls to you to bring him back. It was nice to play pretend for a while.

↳ Bang Chan x female reader

↳ Childhood friends to lovers romance trope. Angst and hurt/comfort, budding romance and yearning, grief and loss, referenced drug use and severe addiction/withdrawal the consequences therein, slow burn.

! Mature content, adult themes, 10.2k, suitable for 18+ readers only !

「Part of the skz tropes collab w @yoongihan」 「main contents list」 「© February 2024 by jl-micasea-fics」

Twenty-eight years

There once was a boy.

He wasn’t a remarkable boy. Wouldn't be recorded in the annals of history for any great feat of bravery or wonder of strength. He wouldn’t change the world or its archaic institutions. He wouldn’t break records or revolutionise or rally or do much of anything other than live his quiet, small life, because he was just a boy. A perfectly ordinary boy. And you liked him that way.

You liked his dimples and his mop of ochre brown curls and his Australian twang. You liked the games he invented and the ‘let’s pretend’ that would excitedly precede every occasion of play. Most of all, you liked the hour just after school where, from your childhood bedroom window, you would watch him trot across the sunlit street to knock on your door and steal you away to the treehouse his father had constructed in the very nearby woods, whereupon you lived in a world of carefree creation and make-believe.

It had always been just him and his father; a sad fact that as a child both confounded you and compelled you to quiz:

“But where is your mummy? You don’t have one? Why? My mummy says everyone has a mummy. She says I came from her tummy. Where did you come from?”

Chan only ever shrugged and ran off to play, as complacent of your questioning as ever he would be. As childhood faded and adolescence rolled in with all the gentile of a marching brass band, you learned that his mother had passed when he was a mere six weeks old. He told you that he was glad he’d never known her. He thought it spared him the pain of loss. You rather disagreed, and told him as much; wasn’t it better to have loved and lost?

“No way,” he had said. “I’d rather spend my whole life alone than lose everyone I love.”

“But you’re not alone. You have me and your dad,” you had argued.

Chan shrugged and took a drag of his cigarette— a habit you detested. “That’s different. I’ll never lose you two.”

Rain cascaded from the rim of your black umbrella, soaking the turfed and trimmed grass. Your heels sank to the softening ground the longer you stood.

“O God, who by the glorious resurrection of your Son Jesus Christ destroyed death and brought life and immortality to light—”

The ache in your calves threatened cramp, but you found no real complaint in it.

“— Grant your servant Jaehyun Bang to your never-failing care and love, and bring us all to your heavenly kingdom.”

Physical pain took something away from the distress which you tried with utmost composure to conceal. He needed you today, of all days.

“Almighty God, we entrust all who are dear to us to your never-failing care and love, for this life and the life to come, knowing that you are doing for them better things than we can desire or pray for—”

To break down would be to fail him.

“— through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.”

Through tear strewn eyes you watched the boy you’d grown up with—now a man, tall and beautiful—step forward. Concealed by his own umbrella, he stooped to gather a handful of the moist, freshly dug earth, and tossed it atop the wet casket as it sank ever lower into the ground. The lump in your throat solidified. It seemed too cruel. Too cold. Too lonely. Jae deserved a better end than this. Chan deserved better.

And with a final blessing on the few gathered, it was all over. So many weeks of pain all amounted to this: walking with your childhood friend in a cold and quiet cemetery. The rain had eased to a fine drizzle and Chan had abandoned his umbrella. His fair brown curls were haloed with the frizz of humidity, his expression drawn vacant and haggard. He’d lost weight since Jae’s admittance. Even more since the terminal diagnosis. To think about it too much was to fall sick with worry. You’d already fallen once. A second time would make a fool of you.

“Shit day for it,” he sighed, hands in his cheap suit pockets.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Chan tutted, and from his inner jacket pocket pulled a mangled, half-empty carton of cigarettes. Shoving one between his dry lips, he then offered the packet to you.

“When have I ever taken you up on that?” You laughed gently; as much as one may ever laugh after saying such a goodbye.

He shrugged. “Worth a try. Special occasion and all.” He lit the cigarette with a few preliminary puffs, the smoke disappearing behind his teeth. “I’m allowed to smoke in a graveyard, right?”

“I don’t think anyone will object.”

“No? Not even you?”

You shook your head. “Not today.”

Chan hummed, took a deep drag, the smoke seeping from his lips. Gravel crunched softly beneath your feet, the sky a great gathering of grey so lifeless it seemed to drain the very colour from the flower arrangements marking the headstones— peach roses gone dull, sweet freesias withered. Tributes to ‘MUM’, ‘DAD’, and ‘SON’ meant something to someone once upon a time; how sorely they’d surely upset to see them all so neglected.

“It was a nice service,” you said quietly.

Chan scoffed. “He would have hated it.”

“What? Why?”

“He wanted to be set out to sea,” Chan said, and then in a shockingly accurate impression of his father, “‘Shove me in a box and let the whales have me’.”

“He was never serious about that, Chan.”

He glared at you.

“Alright, maybe he was, but public health might have had a thing or two to say about us rolling a corpse out across the beach.”

Chan flinched; the briefest and only moment of vulnerability you had seen in him since this whole thing began. He hadn’t shed a tear. Hadn’t even choked back a sob. Almost as if it hadn’t been happening for him. Realisation of your blunder hit with the force of a bus. You stopped, reached for his arm.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

Chan shrugged you off. “No. Don’t be. That’s what he is now, right?”

He walked ahead and with the wisp of cigarette smoke curling around him like a comforting arm.

No doubt it was of more comfort than you.  

*

Sunday nights were reserved for the ritual of film, as they had been since you both were old enough to understand the attractive taboo of an ‘R’ rating.

B-movie horrors and predictably lacklustre ghost tales filled the late hours, as did a takeaway of Thai or Chinese. Never once had Sunday’s sanctity been interfered with; never a cancellation, never a back out. No matter how horridly busy the working week had been, so malicious as to keep you apart, Sunday night could be relied upon to reunite you.

Seven o’clock came and went.

Eight o’clock ticked by.

Nine o’clock approached, and sick with anxiety you could no longer wait. You texted him first:

<< everything okay? it's sunday

Thirty minutes with no response, and so you called him. It rang through to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. Are you— You’re coming over, right? I’m waiting for you. Call me.”

And a further ten minutes passed with no sign. You video called him, startled by the image of your stressed reflection in the camera; you promptly turned it off. It rang and rang, each one a heftier weight on your worry, until the static of connectivity and flickering video announced him.

“Chan?”

The incoming video was dark, the indecipherable din so blaringly loud you grimaced to turn down the volume.

“Chan! Where are you?” you called, but to no more response than the phone tilting and shaking in his apparent grip, the video catching only thin streams of coloured light and anonymous silhouettes. You would get no sense from this, you knew. No sense other than the gut instinct that occasioned to tell you Chan wasn’t coming over tonight. Chan was otherwise occupied. Chan had defiled the sanctity of Sunday.

And that was merely the beginning.

*

Eight years

“Come on, quick!”

“Wait for me! Wait!”

Chan sprinted ahead, his trainers thumping the well-trekked earthen path that wound deep into the woods; not that you ever followed it that far.

The treehouse lived a few hundred yards beyond the woods threshold, nestled in a great beech tree with weeping branches that hung around and embraced the little structure in a leafy veil of green and brown. From the platform proper, you could see straight through the clearing of trees to Chan’s house: when the porch light flicked on, it was time to come home.

“The ladder!” You shouted up to the treehouse when you reached it; Chan always got there first. “Channie!”

A head popped out from over the deck, curls bobbing about. “What’s the magic word?”

“Please?”

“Nope!” He giggled.

“Pretty please?”

“Nope!”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

“Nope!”

“Channie!”

“It’s a magic word!” He cackled. “You have to say it magically.”

You racked your brain, then said, “Abracadabra?”

Chan clapped and dropped down the ladder, the ropes and planks swinging wildly until you settled them. Climbing up was never easy; it never kept still, and so you strained and grunted your way up until close enough for Chan to grab. He took your hand and pulled you the rest of the way, dragging you into the warm, wood shelter. It was modestly decorated with blankets and old cushions donated by Chan’s dad, crayons and felt-tip pens with the lids off, magazines and crumpled newspapers and colouring books and toys and props and everything a child may want in their personal kingdom to allow for a litany of games and adventures.

Chan yanked a yellow plastic sword from the stack of cushions it was buried in— his very own Excalibur.

“Let’s pretend I'm a knight!” He beamed.

“Okay!”

“You can be the princess,” he said, running to a box chest and rifling inside. He pulled out a silky red cape (it once made him a superhero) and threw it at you.

“Can I have a sword?” you asked.

“No! Princesses don’t have swords.”

“Why not?”

“Because knights have swords.”

You pouted and put on the cape, buttoning it around your neck. “That’s dumb.”

“It’s a knight’s job to save princesses.”

“From what?”

“From—” He looked around, frowning as he walked to the window whereupon his face lit up. He hopped back to you and took your hand, dragged you to where he stood before. He pointed alongside your head. “See there?”

You followed his direction, squinting through the trees. “What?”

“There!” He emphasised, pointing harder. “On the hill!”

“It’s just a—”

“A dragon lives there,” he whispered. “A big, red scaly dragon that breathes fire and eats princesses!”

You gasped and stared at the quiet, distant hill, barely visible above the tree line. Chan’s descriptions brought to life a huge, red dragon, its scales glinting in the sunlight as it reared its long neck and puffed smoke from its gaping nostrils.

“I don’t want to be eaten!” You declared, but on turning to Chan, realised he was gone. “Channie?”

“Don’t be scared princess!” You heard him call. You ran out of the shelter and to the deck, looking down at the forest floor where Chan stood poised with his sword drawn towards the hill.

“I will kill the dragon!” He cried, hopping from one foot to the other. “It’s coming! It’s coming, princess!”

“Save me, knight!”

With a great cry of bravery, Chan leapt towards a nearby tree, thwacking and chopping his sword against the thick trunk. He dodged and rolled around it, picking up a pinecone and throwing it at the snarling beast.

“Look out princess! It’s coming for you!”

You shrieked in horror and ran back into the shelter, rifling through the chest and under pillows to find a weapon. Chan continued his assault, hacking and slashing at trunks as he ran after the beasts’ legs. “My sword isn’t strong enough!” He shouted. “I need something else!”

“Here!”

Over the decking you threw to him what you’d found: a plastic bow and arrow that to your mind, was the key. Chan cried out with joy, “Thank you, princess!” And threw his sword to the earth, dashing to collect the toy. He clumsily drew an arrow back on the string; it bounced harmlessly from the dragon’s back and dropped into a thicket, never to be retrieved. Chan huffed, but persevered. He ran about the treehouse for a better angle, and the second arrow he fired pierced its chest and elicited a thunderous roar from the creature: it reared and puffed plumes of smoke, its scaly body glowing a deep, threatening orange.

“I hurt it!” Chan yelled.

“You made it mad!”

“Hide, princess!”

He darted behind a blackberry bush just in time to spare himself from the molten heat of dragon’s fire: the monster bellowed and shook the earth as its destructive flames singed the forest and razed the soil, the residual heat scalding the very air. When it had passed, you shouted down, “Shoot him again!”

Chan scrambled out from the bush and clambered to his knees, frantically drawing an arrow and with a final yell of victory, shot the beast straight through the heart. It groaned and with its last breath, puffed thin wisps of flame that soon diminished. It fell to the ground with a terrible thud, alive no more.

Chan jumped for joy and laughed and ran to the treehouse, calling up, “Throw me the ladder, princess! It’s safe now!”

You quickly did so, watching in awe as your rescuer climbed up, his bow on his back.

“Thank you, knight,” you beamed, clapping. “You saved my life.”

“You need to give me a reward.”

“A what?”

“A prize. For killing the dragon.”

“Oh! Okay. Like what?”

Chan shrugged and looked at the floor. “Some princesses give their knights a kiss.”

“A what?”

“A kiss.” He tapped his cheek. “Here.”

You wrinkled your nose. “Do I have to?”

Chan shrugged again. “No.” He yanked his bow off and tossed it, glancing out of the small shelter window. “The porch light’s on,” he said. “We have to go back.”

“But your prize—”

“I don’t want it.”

He rushed out to the deck and stooped to the ladder, securing his feet on the first plank.

“Channie—”

“Dad’s making egg rolls for dinner. Bye!”

*

Twenty-eight years

He reeked of sickly-sweet fruit.

Each whiff you caught of it made your head hurt. It grated on your temperament like an incessantly dripping tap in total silence: much more and you’d be tempted to rip it from the basin.

Uncaring—or perhaps simply oblivious—Chan relaxed on the leather suite, legs kicked to the coffee table. Sporadically he would whistle a soft tune that further stirred your awful mood, as did his occasional chuckles. You watched him from the kitchen, as your open plan apartment allowed, and mindlessly bodged the simmering stir fry vegetables around the wok with tongs. You had no appetite. Just needed to keep yourself occupied.

“You can put limiters on those apps, you know,” you said flatly.

Chan frowned, glued to his phone. “What?”

“Time limiters. So you can only use them for, like, an hour a day or whatever.”

“Okay? And?”

You shrugged. “Just saying.”

Chan huffed, locked his phone, tossed it to his side where it landed with a plop. He rose from the sofa, stretched out his long arms and legs, the wide sleeves of his thin, black vest gaping to reveal the pale expanse of rib and lean muscle. You drew your eyes away, heat spoiling your nape.

“Smells good,” he mumbled as he approached and leaned over the counter. Even through the salty soy and tang of chow mein, he stank of it. Sickeningly sweet perfume.

“You can have it,” you said, knocking the tongs on the wok and setting them aside. You turned from him to open the fridge, glad of the subsequent embracing chill.

“You don’t want it?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Then why cook?”

“Habit.” You closed the fridge, having retrieved nothing. “You have a few of those yourself, so you’d know.”

Unable to meet his discerning gaze you fussed about the sink, rearranging nothing other than the discomfort that wracked you from head to heart.

“What’s the matter with you?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

“You’re being weird.”

“No I'm not.”

“Yes, you are. You’ve done nothing but passively aggressively criticise me since I walked through the door.” He rounded the counter and leaned against the fridge with arms folded. “Did something happen today?”

You turned to him, meeting his defensive stance. “Why don’t you tell me what you did today, Chan?”

Witnessing in person the moment the colour drains from one’s face is as profound an experience as it is melancholy. Chan blinked as his complexion greyed, his tightened jaw loosening.

“I—” he began, then fumbled. “I told you what I did today.”

“Mhm. You visited the cemetery? Then picked up groceries?”

“Yes.”

“And did you stop by the women’s perfume aisle when you were at the store?”

Chan swallowed. His eyes morphed from the uncertainty of doubt to the surety of guilt, dark browns glistening. Such a small thing that only years of intimate acquaintance could tell of. That only a soulmate could tell of, by his estimation. Your heart sank to dismal depths.

“Didn’t think so,” you muttered, unfolding your arms and moving to the wok that sputtered erratically. You took it off the heat and set it to a cold ring, where it steadied and settled. With no more energy to quiz him or think of it any longer, you turned thoughts to fonder things.

“Did you talk to your dad?” you asked, yet before the question settled, warm arms encircled you tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, breath warm on your nape.

A flurry of want so expertly tucked and buried surfaced in a burst of heat; to be held by him was to let yourself imagine a plethora of impossibilities, not one of them becoming of the decade long friendship. Yours was not an easy battle, but a successful one. You’d conquered the love. Squashed the desire. You had.

“I just...” he hesitated. “I was lonely.”

He came to you in a gale of sickly sweetness: a tell that he had never been yours, and never would be. He owed you no such romantic allegiance.

“Don’t. Don’t explain,” you said, voice cracking. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It wasn’t my place to—”

He turned you in his arms, the counter a brace behind, his strong frame in front. Surely awestruck in any other circumstance but instead overpowered by the nauseating fruity concoction that lingered on him, you grimaced and shook your head. “Chan—”

“Are you jealous?”

“What?”

“She meant nothing. She was just a Tinder hook-up. I needed something to distract me.”

Your heart throbbed. “God, stop. I don’t want to know.”

“You do, though. I know you do. I know you.”

You shoved against his chest. It was too strong. Too sweet. Too sick. “Give me some space, Chan—”

He stepped back, some colour having returned to his blushed cheeks. His chest rose heavier on the next breath, and with a puff of what seemed like exasperation, he announced, “I should go.”

“Yeah.”

He turned on a step, raked his hands through his curls, then turned back swiftly. “You know, you could just—” He gesticulated wildly, then sighed. “Whatever. Call me when you salvage your head from your ass.”

Not moments after he’d left were you dumping and scraping the cooling contents of the wok into the bin, frustrated and on the brink of inexplicable tears. The apartment stunk of it for hours.

Better that than your childhood friend’s conquests.

*

Twelve years

“Let’s pretend we’re hunting for treasure.”

“We’ve played that game,” you complained.

“We’re playing again!” Chan exclaimed excitedly, darting across the treehouse shelter to the chest his dad had gifted him for his eleventh birthday, new and improved and twice the size of the old. Crammed with the all the old toys and fresh additions, Chan shoved through them until he retrieved a sturdy hardwood ship wheel polished to a fine shine, the rounded spokes inlaid with brass. One of his dad’s finer feats of craftsmanship, and his new favourite toy. Affixing it to a perfectly shaped and sanded branch that stretched out over the treehouse decking and through the shelter window (another feat of Bang senior), he gave it one great spin and watched with delight as the spokes blurred and melted into a rapid, satisfying flurry.

“Where’s my first mate!?” He cried.

Prior complaint forgotten, you hopped to your feet and into a salute. “Captain!”

“There you are!” He marched across the shelter and from the wall dedicated to crafts plucked a pinned pirate hat fashioned from folded newspaper, sporting a raggedy skull and crossbones drawn in black crayon. He unfolded the base and shook from it an eyepatch—also fashioned from coloured-in newspaper and string—which he tossed to you. He put the pirate hat on and with a gruff clearing of his throat, said, “I hear there be treasure here!”

“Arrr,” you replied, laughing. “So do I!”

“Shall we find it?”

“Aye, Captain!”

“I can’t hear you!”

“Aye, aye Captain!”

Chan burst into laughter and sang, “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?”

“Spongebob Squarepants!”

A fit of giggles interrupted the play, and after a moment, when ribs ached and cheeks were sore, Chan went back to his wheel. “Okay, okay— Pirates, remember.”

“Yes, Captain.” You saluted.

He spun the wheel again, squinting against the broken beams of afternoon sun as he looked out through the forest.

“The sea be choppy today!”

“Choppy, Captain?”

“Aye!”

“What does that mean, Captain?”

“I, uh—” Chan shrugged. “I don’t know. I just heard it.”

You shrugged in return, then ran to the window, leaning over the wood and pointing to the ground. “There’s something shiny down there, Captain!”

“That’s the treasure!” He stilled the wheel and ran out of the shelter. “Let’s go! Bring the spades!”

As he clambered down the rope ladder you quickly threw the net sack of plastic buckets and spades over your shoulder and followed him. At the bottom, he took the sack from you, hastily emptying the contents.

“Here.” He gave you the pink set, took the blue for himself. “Remember; ‘X’ marks the spot.”

You crept a few paces behind him as you carefully scoured the forest floor. Through thin twigs and stray berries, conifer needles and pinecones you wandered, the sun beating down on your backs through the leafy canopies. The beech leaves had warmed from green to orange and yellow, the occasional one drifting quietly from the weeping branches to the ground on a strong gust of wind. One such landed on Chan’s shoulder as he hunted; you plucked it from him, blew it off your palm, watching as it glided lazily to the floor, whereupon it landed daintily over a formation of (more or less) crossed twigs, then tumbled away.

“Captain!” You called. “Look!”

Chan bounded over and on sight of your discovery, broke into a wide smile. “Well done, first mate!”

Both crouched beside the fated spot, you began to dig, burying your plastic spades into the earth that easily crumbled and gave way to your efforts. Some minutes of this revealed nothing much more than wriggly worms; Chan sighed.

“Maybe ‘X’ doesn’t mark the spot.”

“No, wait.” You dug your small spade into the soil, forcing it down and retrieving what had caught your eye; your brought it up on the tool and held it to Chan’s face.

“A lump of gold!” He whispered in awe, taking the unearthed acorn in his palm and clutching it tightly. “There must be more!”

With frantic delight he began digging again, discovering more and more acorns to add to the impressive collection you soon amassed. The spades were eventually abandoned and the search site widened until the immediate area surrounding the treehouse was littered with holes and small piles. How much time passed couldn’t be known, but with hands and nails encrusted with dirt, you counted your precious treasure in the treehouse shelter.

“One for you,” Chan gave you an acorn. “One for me.” And took one for himself. “One for you,” he continued. “One for me. One for you, one for me. One for you—”

“We’re rich, Captain!” you said.

“We can buy a new boat!” Chan laughed.

“New hats!”

“New eyepatches!”

“Aye!”

“Aye!” you giggled.

Over your shoulder, something seemed to catch Chan’s attention, his smile dampening. You followed his glance, and your heart sunk. Had it been that long already?

“Porch light’s on,” he mumbled.

“I don’t want to go home yet.”

“It’s okay,” Chan said. “We can play again tomorrow.”

“But tomorrow is so far.”

“Dad says if you go to bed early, tomorrow comes faster.”

“Really?”

Chan nodded.

“Alright,” you huffed, then hopped up, dragging your mucky hands over your shirt. “Let’s go straight to bed!”

You made a start for the decking, stopping just shy of the ladder.

“Can we play pirates again tomorrow?” you asked.

A streak of waning sunlight caught Chan’s irreverent grin in an amber glow.

“Yeah,” he said. “You can be Captain.”

*

Twenty-eight years

And the conquests became so many that it hardly felt apt to refer to them so. A full-scale occupation would have been more proper, and in truth, it offered you some amusement to think of it that way, albeit short-lived.

Less frequent his visits had become, Sunday nights and every other night that might have occasioned even a fleeting visit spent in dimly lit solitude. For all your lecturing as to Chan’s habitual Instagram addiction, you sheepishly took to the platform as a means of monitoring him: his feed had morphed from beautifully crafted reels of nature, music and pluviophile aesthetics to a dark and debauched affair. Selfies with strangers and drinks in hand, each one a deterioration of state that pained you to look at. Your texts went rejected and calls ignored, and on the precipice of sinking into debilitating fear, you recalled the most obvious, most basic of things.

Before the feelings or the murky boundaries or the longing or anything else, Chan was your friend. So intricately had he woven himself into your life, his presence made up part of the very basic fabric. Without him you’d be something less than whole, as would any who suffered a major loss. Chan had suffered a major loss. Chan was less than whole. He could feign togetherness, keep his eyes dry and his expression calm, but you knew better. Was it not your obligation as his friend and your want as his confidant to bring him back from the treacherous cliff side he teetered on? Would he not do the same for you? Do soulmates not go above and beyond for each other?

A shrill notification pinged your phone: Chan had updated his story. With a deep breath you tapped the pink circle, the seconds-long video loading with a torrent of bassline that brought you to cringe. A purple neon sign flashed bright: ‘Eden’. The bold white caption read: ‘#bestlife’. If ever there was a redder flag, you couldn’t have imagined it.

Resolved to action, you swept into the bedroom and changed into the most passable nightlife attire you possessed: a pair of black denim shorts and satin spaghetti strap top. Paired with heeled boots and finished with a dusting of makeup, you supposed that, at the very least, you’d not be turned away at the door.

You hoped.

*

Eden felt to you to be far from any sort of acclaimed paradise.

The weight of smoke both from cigarette and stage machine and the stale tang of alcohol overwhelmed what fraying nerves you had left, courtesy of the uncomfortably prolonged taxi ride. Bodies writhed on the elevated dance floor, an anonymous and unsettling orgy of sweaty movement that not a single part of you anticipated joining: you wished only to find Chan.

The garishly lit bar too packed to reasonably consider asking the tender if they had ‘seen this man’, you took to a sweep of the floor, navigating through the inebriated and keeping a keen eye out for a familiar head of curls; a familiar anything. Eden was deceivingly larger than the exterior suggested. It stretched far, far back and over three floors of height, each one boasting a unique theme. The ground floor appeared to be what most associate with a typical nightclub of sorts: strobe lighting, loud EDM, no inhibitions. The second—while equally lacking in inhibitions—eased on the strobe lighting in favour of a soft and constant pink hue. It retained an almost dreamlike quality with its binaural beats, those that occupied the booth seats engaged in chatter or rather more exhibitionist activity from which you quickly drew your eyes. None of it was him. Nothing beyond that mattered. On the third floor the music picked back up; not of electronica but a rather grungier scrape that oddly did something to comfort you. It inspired memories of teenage angst and nineties rock culture; a time in which both you and Chan happily thrived in black. Regardless, he wasn’t here, and so your search continued. If not inside, he must be outside. Following the signs for the smoking area led you up to the roof, where high chain link fences had been erected. Warmed by the glow of orange heat lamps at their backs, people huddled amidst great swathes of cigarette smoke and thought you of no more consequence than a passing fly as you walked among them.

Oh, Chan and his habits. You’d have smiled if not so burdened with cold dread. At the rear of the smoking area, your childhood friend sat on the rusted crimson metal of fire exit stairs. A black button-down buttoned down to his navel hung open on his svelte, trim physique, the smear of makeup not belonging to him glittered his cheeks and lips. On his lap was perched a girl, her dress so short it revealed dainty lace. She ran her claw-like nails through his curls, and he offered her a bleary-eyed smile around a burnt-down cigarette. He smiled at you that way when he was tired; when he’d been fed and watered and was content. Jealousy, hot and unashamed, wound around you to squeeze dignity from your person like warm toothpaste from a tube. Single-mindedly you stormed towards him, vitriol surging up your oesophagus—

If only your eyes hadn’t met. If only through the smog his soft browns, so eroded by pain of loss, had not been so clear. The cigarette fell from his lips and the girl was shoved unceremoniously to stand. “Clear off,” you heard him say, her compliance not without complaint. When close enough to address, he did just that.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I came for you.”

“For— What?”

“I can’t watch you self-destruct anymore. Enough is enough.”

He laughed, dry and scratchy. “Self-destruct? Clubbing is self-destructive now?”

“It's not the clubbing, Chan.” You spat it like a dirty word. “You can dance and drink and fuck strangers all you want; it was never about the clubbing. It’s about you and me. You’re distancing yourself. I feel you slipping through my fingers. None of this—” you gesture around vaguely, “— is you. You’re not this person.”

“What would you know about the kind of person I am?” he hissed, stumbling forward. He steadied himself on the adjacent chain link, the height he had on you seeming more so with the hostility rolling from him. “You think you’ve got some— some special fucking connection to me just because we’ve known each other forever? Because we’re soulmates?” He drawled the word, stretched it, made it mean. “What a load of bullshit.”

Wounded, you drew your gaze from him. What pain had been in his eyes had warped to a defensive rage.

“You’re lashing out,” you said, voice thick. “You’re angry. You’re in pain. That’s normal. I get it.”

“You don't get it. How could you possibly get it?”

“Chan—”

“Go home,” he huffed, turning into the chain with both hands, his forehead pressed to it.

“Come with me.”

“Is that invitation?”

You swallowed, hesitated.

“Of course it isn’t,” he scoffed. “God forbid you ever tell me how you really fucking feel.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means what it fucking means. We’ve danced around this bullshit since we were sixteen.”

This bullshit.

“It’s like if either of us ever acknowledged that we— That there’s— That we’re not just—” He took a deep, frustrated breath, closed his eyes. “It’s like the world will end or something.”

“Chan...”

“At this point, I wouldn’t even give a fuck if it did.”

“Don't say things like that. We were... We were kids, Chan. Back then. We didn’t know—”

“Do not tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing. I knew damn well what I wanted. You’re the one that wanted to pretend nothing ever happened.”

“It wasn’t like that, Chan.”

“No? Then what was it like?”

“You were going through a lot. You know that. You and Jae started fighting so much, you were getting into trouble at school, you stopped coming by the treehouse. You just— You changed, almost overnight. It didn’t feel right to try to talk to you about... what we did. I didn’t feel like I could.”

“Right.” He shoved off the chain link, ran a hand through his curls. “So, it’s my fault we’re stuck like this.”

“That’s not what I said—”

“Go home. And don’t ask me to come with you again. Not unless you mean it.”

With that, he drew himself up and strode off into the smoke, leaving you to dissect that which he apparently knew to be true.

A shiver of chill took you, a sudden gale sweeping over the roof. You wrapped your arms around yourself and sank into the sadness.

A special connection indeed.

*

Sixteen years

The woods had shrunk since you were a child.

You walked the muddy, winding path with your hood drawn close, the patter of winter rain dampening your shoulders. A wild breeze picked up through the trees, a shiver of chill that pinched your cheeks and urged you to jog.

The great beech tree defied such elements as it always did, its bare branches a skeletal cage around the treehouse shelter. The rope ladder swung gently, knocking against the trunk; you grabbed and steadied it, bracing your foot on the lowest rung so as to test its strength. Confident that it should probably hold, you began a slow and unsteady climb to the top. Pulling yourself over the soaked decking and stooping to enter the shelter, you were glad of the protection from the rain, such as it was and despite the gaps of erosion that had worn the wood. Moth-eaten blankets and sodden cushions, forest debris and the musk of damp spoiled what had once been a childhood kingdom: so age infected all things.

“Didn’t think you’d come.”

Chan sat beneath the window, his long legs stretched out, an unlit cigarette tucked between his fingers. His damp, brown curls were drying out at the ends, his black hoodie concealed just how soaked he was.

You glared at him. “I said I would.”

Chan shrugged, popped the cigarette between his lips. From his jeans pocket he retrieved a lighter you recognised as belonging to his dad.

“Do you have to do that in here?” you complained.

“Relax,” he said around the cigarette as he lit it and took several puffs. “Second-hand smoke is a myth.”

“It isn't, but okay. I actually meant that you just shouldn’t smoke in our treehouse.”

“The wood’s wet. It won’t catch.”

“That’s not what I—” You sighed. “Whatever.” And sat at the opposite side where the toy chest once lived, its rectangular outline forever having marked the wood it rested on.

“We could have hung out at your place,” you eventually said, bringing your knees to your chest.

Chan shook his head. “Nah. Dad’s being a fucking asshole.”

“What happened?”

“He found my stash.”

You shot him a quizzical look, to which he tapped the cigarette in indication.

“Oh,” you muttered.

“I told him I’ll just quit when I get bored of it,” he said, wisps of smoke drifting from his lips. “He doesn’t get it.”

You said nothing, supposing he wouldn’t want to hear which side of things you landed on, because it wasn’t his. Watching Chan smoke was one of many new things you found yourself adjusting to since adolescence—awareness—had come around: the details of most everything about him you’d committed to perfect memory, and in your admiration, had come to quietly understand. You were in love with him.

“You sat by yourself at lunch today.”

You shrugged, drew your knees to your chest, wrapped your arms around them. “So?”

“So, where was your friend?”

“Sam.”

Chan rolled his eyes. “Where was Sam?”

“He was sick.”

“Oh yeah? What’s wrong with him?”

“He said it was a twenty-four-hour bug. He’ll be fine.”

Chan hummed, took another drag of his cigarette. “You should have sat with us,” he said after a while.

You scoffed. “With you and your merry band of minions? No thanks.”

“Rude. They’re not minions.”

“If you were so concerned you could have come to me.”

Chan blinked.

“But the minions wouldn’t have liked that, right?”

“Maybe they’re scared of you.”

“Scared?”

He shrugged. “You’re not the easiest to approach.” He rolled the cigarette between his fingers slowly. “You can be intimidating.”

“It’s called a resting bitch face. You have it too, Chan.”

“Right. I know.”

“So tell them that.”

“Thought you didn’t want anything to do with my merry band?”

“I don’t. I have Sam.”

Chan grimaced.

“What? You don’t like him?” you snapped.

“He’s not who I'd have chosen to be friends with.”

“We choose our friends?”

“I did,” he shrugged.

“Right. You did. You’re the one that went off and found new friends the minute we started high school. So don’t blame me for doing the same fucking thing, because I had no choice. Sam is there for me all the time. You’re only there when nobody else is watching.”

With that, you climbed to your feet and stormed out of the shelter, to where the rain poured relentlessly. A grip on your wrist dragged you out of the torrent and back inside, into Chan’s waiting arms. Not wishing to fight the embrace, you simply stood there, face buried to his cold, damp hoodie, reeking of cigarette smoke, heart yearning for that which it would never be allowed.

“I didn’t know you felt that way about it,” he said after a moment. “You should have told me.”

“Couldn’t,” you mumbled into his clothes.

“Don’t be stupid. You can tell me anything.” A hand soothed your hair, he dipped his head to speak in your ear. “I just figured that we see each other all the time, at home and after school. New friends couldn’t hurt. It’s not like they’d come between us. Not us. We’re soulmates.”

Your chest clenched. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be more present at school.”

“Don’t force it. If you don’t want to—”

He pulled back, hands on your shoulders, brown eyes sincere as they searched your face. “I do want to. I want to be with you all the time.”

“Your minions might have something to say about that,” you laughed softly.

“They can say what they want. You mean more to me than anything they can even fathom.”

Oh.

You swallowed firmly; he was so close. Close enough to map out the pores on his nose. To trace the dry lines in his lips. To see the sparks of hazel in the chocolate irises.

“Sam is...” He hesitated, then asked, “You two are just friends?”

Confused, you nodded. “Of course.”

“Just friends.”

“Just friends,” you repeated, bemused. “Why do you—”

“I just wanted to be sure. That’s all.”

“Oh. Okay.”

The hands on your shoulders wandered down to upper arms, to elbow, to forearms, to your hands, where chilly fingers locked and held. Over the pounding of your heart you hardly heard the crack of branches succumbing to the stormy gust beyond the shelter, the downpour of torrential rain that whipped and lashed at all in its wake. Chan blinked softly, the pale of his cheeks warming with blush. A flick of gaze from your eyes to lips, then back again, an unconscious lean that you met with your own and in the next unthinkable moment: a brushing of lips so soft it hardly constituted a first kiss. Good thing that the second, after a wary moment of comprehension in which he searched your face, felt to be a truer account— a firm bracing as he caught you in his arms while the world outside raged war against the elements.

“Chan!”

A deep, worried voice carried through the trees, over the hiss of wind to let the world back in. Immediately, Chan released and stepped from you, his features hardening.

“Chan, are you up there!?”

He made no move to reply or give sign of presence, and so gathering yourself as best as possible, you offered him a small smile, hoping he saw the apology. Out of the shelter and over the decking you waved down to the wet ground, where Jaehyun Bang stood with a yellow umbrella.

“Hi, Mr Bang!”

What concern had been etched to Jae’s brow melted away. “Oh! Hi honey! Chan’s up there with you?”

“Yeah, he’s here. He’ll be right down.”

You turned back to Chan; he’d pulled his hood up, lit another cigarette. Without a word he stalked out of the shelter and stooped to the rope ladder, cigarette between his lips. Catching only the briefest glimpse of the storm that clouded him as he began his descent, a sharp kick of worry drove you to the edge, where you reached over and down to grab his sleeve.

He stilled on the ladder, gaze fixed downwards.

“You’re my soulmate, Channie.”

He looked up. You plucked the cigarette from his lips, and in an uncharacteristic bout of bravery no doubt encouraged by earlier heroics, kissed his cheek.

“Please be good for your dad.”

Chan’s eyes narrowed, his lips still parted in what you presumed to be annoyance at your thwarting of his habit. His cheeks warmed and he looked as though to say something, when—

“Chan! Come down here!”

His jaw clenched, and he merely nodded, climbing off down the ladder and out of your reach. On the ground you watched as Chan sheepishly approached his dad, who took him under his umbrella with an arm about his shoulders.

“Don’t be late getting home, kid! It’s about to storm!” Jae called to you.

“I won’t! Promise!”

The two started off down the path, until you could no longer see the yellow through the trees. Alone in the shelter, a weight began to encumber you. A cold melancholy too unnatural to be a child of winter churned your stomach and unsettled your feet with anxiety, and in a bid to shake it you began to pace, slow and controlled, the old boards creaking at their weakest joints.

On one such circuit from under a dirty, woven blanket, peeked something small and black. Bending down to inspect, you realised it to be a crayon: a smile came to you. Your inner child clapped with glee. You began to scribble on the wood: Chan had been right. It was too wet. And so you felt around the small structure with your palms until you happened upon a dry patch in the leftmost corner, protected from the elemental onslaught by a particularly hefty branch above. Pleased when the melty crayon stuck, you drew what your inner child, what your high school child, what every woman in love has thought of when the daydreams marinate in their mindless, warm content: your initials and his, ensconced in a heart.

“Let’s pretend I’m a knight!”

“Let’s pretend we’re hunting for treasure!”

You were skilled at pretending.

Perhaps you wouldn’t need to anymore.

*

Twenty-nine years

When next you saw Chan, it was entirely by accident.

For however much had changed since Jae’s passing, it seemed that even a year later, Chan remained a creature of habit, and so the shock that initially came upon you when you saw him in the quietest patch of the bookstore passed quickly.

Above him read the sign for ‘graphic novels’, its vibrant shelves and eclectic gathering of Mangas and comic books a stark backdrop to his all-black façade. He held a comic book open in his right hand and turned the page slowly with his left. His hood was drawn up tightly, his cheeks puffed with a faint smile. His tired eyes scanned the images and bolded words. His clothes draped him, and so deceived as to his welfare. From what you could glean, he looked entirely at peace: like he was far from the confines of the musty bookstore and in another place that occasioned to take him on one adventure after another, as he had so always loved. It was kinder to let him stay there; so you tried.

Confound your clumsiness, then, when your backwards step into a display pile of sale books sent them tumbling with some weight to the ground, disturbing all who perused nearby. Chan looked up and towards the ruckus: how his face fell on the sight of your apologetic scrambling. He pushed the comic into its slot on the shelf and approached.

“Need a hand?”

“Hey!” You hastily replaced the last book and gathered yourself. “Fancy seeing you here!”

Chan stared at the messy display, his hood concealing much of his face.

“How— How are you?” you asked.

He shrugged. “Better than ever.” And kept his gaze fixed elsewhere.

“Do you... What you have been up to? It’s been a— I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“Nothing.”

“Right. Okay.”

“You?”

“Oh, same. You know.”

He nodded. Every part of you yearned to wrap him in your arms.

“Would you maybe want to grab a coffee? Or something to eat? There’s a place nearby that—”

“Sure.”

*

Chan bodged the now cold sausage around his plate with a fork.

His hood served a purpose beyond simple comfort, you realised, as did his pointed avoidance of eye contact. What glimpses you had managed to catch of his features roused in you the sort of dreaded alarm you’d only felt on one other occasion, in a hospital room with consultants throwing around eight-letter words and percentages. Chan’s eyes were pink and polluted, so severely bloodshot it was a wonder he could see. Sunken into their sockets and decorated with brown, bruised bags, they were an accoutrement to the gauntness of his cheeks and the sallow, sickly, utterly deficient complexion of his skin, almost translucent when the light kissed it, and he only shied from that. Even his hands took to a tremble as he tried to eat, and what little he managed seemed to sit uncomfortably. Several times he excused himself to the bathroom, which only left you with time to wonder what could have caused such extreme deterioration. Had he done nothing but neglect himself for a year?

On his return you pasted back the smile, swallowed down the concern, bit back the welling emotion. Yet that was only until Chan returned to the table with his sleeves rolled up to elbow: he looked down and startled, hurriedly began dragging them down. Frantic enough was he as to draw your eye to where he fussed: to the scars and sore pinpricks that marked his once flawless forearms.

Bile rose in your throat. You reached over the table and snatched at his thin arm, extending it much to his protest, but too weak was he to physically withdraw. Disbelief sour on your tongue and hot, raging tears in your eyes, you breathed, “No.” You looked at him. He had closed his eyes, his head hung low.

“Tell me this isn’t—” You caught on a sob. “It’s not what I— what I think it is. It’s not.”

“Let me go.”

“Why?” Your heart throbbed, panic becoming you. “Why would you ever do something so—”

He snatched his arm back. Rolled his sleeve down. Sunk into his chair. “Because it’s easier this way.”

“Chan, fuck, no—”

“It takes me somewhere else. Somewhere I can see my dad.”

Incapable even of another word, you rose and moved to him, winding your arms around his neck and pulling the frail, cold figure against you.

“It’s fine,” you whispered against tamed hysteria.

“Everything is going to be fine.”

*

Here you slogged through what was easily the most trying six months of your life.

The issues ran deeper than you had ever speculated, but soon came to discover. What modest inheritance had been left to him from his father, Chan had spent with abandon. Tracking the online statement from the funeral to the present detailed a sad but sure spiral into destruction. Bar tabs and lavish venue bills, splurging on vanity, partying expenses in the thousands. Cash withdrawals grew in value and frequency until essential direct debits went unsatisfied, and so Chan had been quickly rendered homeless, evicted from his much-loved apartment to surf sofas and wander streets. It pained you to suppose that’s where the habit started; something to warm him on the chill nights, offered to him by an opportunistic hand that saw his vulnerability. Why did he not come to you? Was he so bent on destroying himself? The state of his mind and body attested to the truth all too clearly: his father’s death had broken him, and he had not the first on how to put himself back together.

And so it fell to you to. Under your roof and watchful gaze you nursed the man; sat at his bedside and held his hand tightly as for the first months, the violent sickness and cool sweat of withdrawal wracked his body with such implacable agony as you’d never seen; his screams and pleas for death would haunt you for years to come. He would threaten you and lash out at you, wail bloody murder for the torture you dared to impose upon him: “Just give me one hit, one fucking hit and I’ll be fine! Please, please! Make it stop! Make it fucking stop!” And never once did you seek to tell him it was for his own good. That he was healing. That he’d soon be free of the poison and would be able to walk without hunching, talk without stammering, eat without nausea. You would tell yourself, indeed. But not him. He heard nothing beyond what the demons of his plight whispered.

Two weeks ago, Chan had moved from the bed to the living room. He could do most things without assistance, though so used to being in his shadow you found it rather difficult to let go in that respect. For as horrid as it had all been, it felt nice to be close to him again. To be needed. Colour had returned to him with the nutritious, easily digested diet you kept him to, and the healthy swell of weight had begun to emerge around his face and through his middle. Not so much as to consider him fully healed, but enough to be content with. His hair regained a lustrous shine and curl, his smile—though rare—was familiar. Most gratefully, it was his eyes that gave the firmest embrace of relief. No longer bloodshot and sunken but clear and soft brown, they relaxed on the television as you prepared the evening’s dinner of soup and crusty bread. The hearty scent of simmering vegetables and stock filled the apartment, the mumble of the television a lull of background noise.

Throat dry and with an urge for the sweetness of white zinfandel, you reached into the topmost cabinet and retrieved the bottle you’d stashed away: better to keep it out of sight. Just in case. Winding off the cap and pouring yourself a glass, the first sip bathed your tongue with the refreshing, crisp notes of grape, and just like that, what tension perched on your shoulders began to thaw.

“Smells good.”

The soft voice from behind you startled; you turned to see Chan on the other side of the counter, arms folded as he peered into the boiling pot.

“It’s vegetable,” you said, approaching and lifting the lid for swathes of steam to escape and plume up. Chan hummed, looked at you through the steam, then at your wine glass, blinking slowly.

“Sorry.” You put the glass down. “I didn’t think—”

“It’s fine. Drink if you want to.”

“But I—”

“It’s fine.” He rounded the counter and opened the cupboard, pulling out another glass. He held it out expectantly.

You shook your head. “Chan—”

“I was a drug addict, not an alcoholic.”

“I—” You hesitated. “I know. I just... Will you be okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “It’ll take the edge off. Just a little. I’ll be okay.”

Loath to press it, you tentatively poured him two fingers of wine, heart pounding as he brought it to his lips. He sniffed firstly, a deep inhalation. Eyes slipping closed he tipped the glass back and the first drops touched his tongue. A contented sigh and slight smile saw him relax: he opened his eyes again.

“Thank you.”

You cleared your throat. “Sure.”

Chan blinked.

“Go sit down, dinner won’t be long.”

 He set his glass down on the counter, took yours from you to do the same.

“What are you—”

And in the next moment he wound his arms around your middle, curling over you to hold you in the warmest hug he’d offered since you were but children. His chin in the crook of your neck and curls tickling your cheek, he kept you firmly locked, the strong thrum of his presence, his heart, his being, surrounding you.

“Thank you,” he said again.

So overwhelming was the surge of emotion that, immediately, tears pricked. Silently they rolled from your eyes as your chest caved under the weight of half a year of indefatigable perseverance and the belief that, no matter how he swore or kicked or screamed, it would be worth it in the end. A moment would come where he would smile and say ‘thank you’.

This moment would come.

You weakened in his arms and felt it all. The strength of joy and the ice of despair, the hopelessness and the endless, endless worry. The guilt for allowing him to slide so far, so quickly. The rage at his refusal to seek solace. The love you nursed for him so warmly and in silence. The desperate wish only for him to be happy as he once was, when everything was whole and well.

“Let’s pretend we’re somewhere else,” he said quietly. “At a posh hotel near the sea, but it’s just us. We have the best room. The nicest view. When we look out the window, we can see nothing but clear, blue ocean that glitters and goes on forever.”

He held you still. Gently. Your tears alleviated slowly.

“It’s just a few minutes before sunset, and the sky is streaked with orange and pink. Our room glows like it’s on fire. We’re getting ready for dinner. You’re wearing a dress that brings out your eyes. I dig out my old suit, but don’t hold a candle next to you.”

The ache of yearning pained you; you clutched him tightly.

“We go to a fancy restaurant on the nearby pier,” he continued. “We sit by the window overlooking the sea; it’s dark now, but the streetlights make it so we can still see how deep it goes when we look down. We joke that maybe fish-men will trudge out of it when we’re sleeping. You have the sea bass. I order the ribeye, medium-rare. We share a bottle of white zinfandel and a hot fudge brownie for dessert and stay until they’re turning chairs onto the tables and flicking on the lights.

“When we get back to the hotel, we order another bottle of wine. We sit on the deck; the night is warm. The air smells like sea salt. The sea doesn’t glitter anymore, but the waves that lap the shore turn an endless reflection of stars. We talk for hours. We talk about my dad. We talk about our treehouse and the dragons we slayed and the treasure we found. We toast to him and you... you tell me he’d be proud.” His voice broke sharply. “You tell me he’s looking down on us, raising his own glass. You can feel it. I tell you wish I could, too.

“In the small hours of the morning, we go to bed. You wish me goodnight and kiss my cheek. Just like you did when we were young. You smell like—” He breathed slowly. “Wine and chocolate. My second-hand smoke.”

He pulled back, his eyes wet and wide. He brought your hand to his cool cheek, lids fluttering against the touch. “My cheek is warm where you kissed it. I take it to bed with me, but I can’t sleep. I keep touching my cheek, tossing and turning. Just like I did when we were young.”

“Chan...”

“I think about how you smelled. I think about how beautiful you looked tonight.”

Your heart pounded painfully, chest heaving with shortness of breath.

“Eventually, I can’t take any more,” he whispered. “I get out of bed and cross the suite to your room. At your door, I raise my fist to knock, but...” He swallowed. “Something stops me. Fear. I know what I want and for how long I've wanted it, but I've never been sure of your feelings. Sometimes I... Sometimes I’ve thought that you felt the same way. Other times I've convinced myself it’s impossible. It’s crossing a line. It could destroy everything. We grew up together. There’s nobody so connected to me as you. We’re soulmates. Can I risk that?”

He searched your face, seeking his answer, and continued.

“As I'm hesitating, the door opens. You’re standing there. You’re right in front of me in sweats and moonlight and you’re the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You look confused at first. I tell you I’m sorry, that I couldn’t sleep. You ask if I want to come in. I tell you that I can’t— I shouldn’t. I’m sorry.” He licked his lips. “I turn away and you grab me; just my wrist. You’re warm. Every part of me aches and I know this is it. I don’t have the power to resist.” He cupped your face with both hands. “I take you in my arms; you were always supposed to fit there.”

You could hardly breathe.

“I wait for you to tell me to stop.”

Immobilized. Captivated.

“But you don’t. You just stare at me, and in your endless eyes I see the reflection of a man so riddled with yearning I have no choice but to take pity on him. All he’s ever wanted is for someone to take pity on him.” He drew his thumb over your cheek. “What happens next?”

On a shaky breath you merely whispered:

“Let’s pretend they kiss.”

With a rush of wanting the man pressed his lips to yours, such a violent release of decade-long yearning that the only response was but to weep in his kiss. A maelstrom of heat and desire beneath what was a rapidly crumbling pretence had been allowed to fester for so long, it was only ever going to be painful. Only ever going to destroy you. Fortitude abandoned and allowed to finally, finally imagine that this could truly be, you wound your arms around his neck and felt the gentle brace as he turned you into the counter. Parting from you to catch his breath, Chan’s tear-streaked cheeks were in perfect symmetry to yours. 

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he breathed, his voice a pitch broken.

“So am I.” You cupped his cheeks and kissed him again; cheek, forehead, lips. “So am I, Channie.”

“I— I miss him.”

Warm tears rolled anew. “So do I.”

He choked a sob. “Please don’t give up on me.”

“Never.”

And he fell into an embrace, head buried to your neck. “Is he looking down on us?”

“Of course.”

He gathered himself, straightened and held your hands. A glance upwards and a deep breath, his teary eyes found their focus. As did his mind.

As did his heart.

“I love you. I have always loved you. And I don’t want to pretend anymore.”

𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚, 𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜, 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚 >

𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙? 𝙨𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚 ♡ >

𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙠𝙯 𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 ♡ >

[skzms]

୧ ‧₊🎧 let me in your ocean, swim bangchan x producer!f!reader

summary: “Chan, you’re an idiot,” Changbin sighs and Chan whips around. “What did I do now?!” he asks, trying to give his voice a joking edge but failing miserably. “She’s so into you, and you don’t even see it,” Changbin states grandly, like it’s the most glaringly obvious thing in the world. Jisung huffs out a giggle next to him, but nods. -> In which Chan is a little self-conscious and a lot clueless, Changbin is his therapist and his wingman, and you get really sick of waiting for Chan to get his shit together.

word count: 9.9k words

author's note: a little self-indulgent producer!reader bang chan fic because I too wanna make him feel safe and confident and I think the studio is where he would feel like that. I know I do, too, because fun fact I used to want to be a producer but then i studied music journalism and then life happened and here I am. also this is equal parts plot and smut sooo .... enjoy?!

warnings: unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it & pee after sex, guys); oral & throatfucking/oral (m & f receiving); fingering (f receiving); only a tiny bit of choking; only the slightest d/s dynamics; cursing because it's channie; mentions of other idols I don't know anything about so don't lynch me if something doesn't work ok soz

skzms' masterlist

“Okay, hear me out, what if the 808 did a dum dum d-dum at the end of this bar?”

Chan hums, fingers flying over the keyboard, mouse dragging the notes around. When he’s done and hits play again, the verse burst through the speakers. It sounds good, better even.

This was your job. Producing, mixing and editing music. You had replaced their previous guy about a year ago, breezing into the studio on day one, so pretty it had taken Chan’s breath away, and had given them firm handshakes and a huge smile, before taking control of the room and the computer with such professionalism that it made his knees weak. The three of them spent a solid day scuffing their feet into the floor like boys on the first day of school before they finally managed to relax. Now, not a week went by without Jisung jokingly referring to your joint studio sessions as “4racha time”.

“I like that,” he hums when he presses pause, and you clap excitedly, bouncing up and down on your chair a little. When he rests his chin in his hand, he realises he’s smiling.

“I love it, it even creates a little syncopation with the vocals there. It’s catchy,” you gush before swivelling around on your chair, turning to where Jisung and Changbin are lounging on the sofa.

Changbin and Jisung were usually less involved with this specific part of the work – this part being the painstaking adjustment of the mix, the addition of details, last-minute changes to the music. They didn’t have the patience for it, so they usually took the time to scroll through TikTok or doze while you and Chan sat there for hours, clicking, replaying, looping, adjusting the EQ.

Chan loved this kind of work. Loved that he could let himself sink into your proverbial professional hands, let you guide him from song to song, not letting him get hung up on something for too long, always solid and calm and confident. It was soothing. Here, he didn’t have to be anything, be anyone. He just had to do what he did best. It felt better than being shoved into clothes and smouldering at the camera ever could. Not that the minded that part of the job, but this was the part he loved.

“I agree, that little syncopation sounds really good with Jisung’s vocals,” Changbin agrees, running his hand through his black curls and giving you an exaggerated thumbs up.

You give him a smile before turning to Jisung.

“Jisung?”

Jisung looks up from his phone blearily and blinks at you.

“Sorry, can you play it again?”

Chan huffs out a laugh and restarts the verse, letting it play until the end, where it leads into the pre-chorus. Jisung purses his lips and finally nods with an approving smile.

Chan can basically taste the satisfaction rolling off you. Your energy was always like that; like a current running through the studio, one that he gladly let sweep him up, letting it carry him along and through so many long days and nights.

He doesn’t realise you turned back to him until he hears your voice. When he turns his head, you’re looking at him expectantly.

“So we keep it?” you ask, and Chan watches your eyes race over his face to try to gauge his reaction.

“We all just agreed,” he chuckles out awkwardly and he can feel his ears starting to burn. Great. You’re still grinning when you roll your eyes at him and shrug.

“Yeah, but you only said you liked it, plus, you have the final say,” you say calmly and Chan blinks at the screen dumbly, his cheeks flaring up more, before he finally turns to you.

“I’m pretty sure JYP doesn’t pay you to listen to us,” he quips and raises a playful eyebrow at you. He hopes you can’t hear that he kind of means it.

You glare back at him, but your lips are still curled into a smile.

“JYP pays me to make your music great – and to do that I will listen to whoever I think is really good at what they do,” you say and give him a wink that makes his ears burn more.

“So … keep?” you ask again and this time Chan just nods and you mumble a quiet nice, scooting your chair closer to him. When you take the mouse from him, your fingertips trail over the back of his hand and it sends goosebumps racing down his arm.

When you get up to leave an hour later, much earlier than usual, you rest a hand on Chan’s shoulder as you chat with Changbin. He tells himself that it’s normal, that you’re friends, that he shouldn’t be overthinking about how comfortable you must be with him to do this so absentmindedly. He also has to tell himself to keep breathing normally.

“Why are you leaving already?” Jisung asks with a yawn, “we all know Channie-hyung gets nothing done when you’re not here.”

Chan half turns and gives Jisung a glare, but Jisung just grins at him.

You chuckle and shift your weight, your hand falling from Chan’s shoulder. He feels the absence of it way too keenly.

“I gotta be back here tomorrow at 10 with Gunil and the boys,” you shrug and hoist your bag further up your shoulder.

“From Xdinary Heroes?” Changbin asks and you nod, “I didn’t know you started working with them.”

Right. Sometimes Chan forgets you’re not just here when they are. You work with other groups.

“Started at their last comeback. They’re the exact opposite of you, funnily enough,” you chuckle, “they always wanna come in first thing in the morning.”

Do you work with them the same way? The other boys are too young, but do you joke with Gunil the same way you joke with Chan? Do you rest your hand on his shoulder before you leave? Chan furrows his brows and keeps clicking around ProTools aimlessly.

There’s a lull in the conversation.

“Well, I’ll be going,” you announce before your hand comes back to Chan’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly, “don’t work too late. Same time tomorrow?”

Chan doesn’t trust himself to look at you, so he just nods, and waits until Jisung hums out an affirmative. Your hand disappears, the door opens and shuts, and your footsteps echo down the hallway. He finally lets out the breath he’s been holding.

“Chan, you’re an idiot,” Changbin sighs and Chan whips around.

“What did I do now?!” he asks, trying to give his voice a joking edge but failing miserably.

“She’s so into you and you don’t even see it,” Changbin states grandly, like it’s the most glaringly obvious thing in the world. Jisung huffs out a giggle next to him, but nods.

Chan shakes his head jerkily, crossing his arms over his chest.

“She treats me the same way she treats you guys,” he denies, though his heart clenches uncomfortably in his chest.

Jisung properly laughs at that.

“Channie-hyung, she touched your shoulder twice. For, like, literally no reason. Also, she keeps staring at you when you’re not looking. Just watches you click around. It’s really cute.”

Chan can feel a single tendril of hope lick up his spine. Changbin seems to see it in his eyes.

“You’re clearly into her as well,” he states, and Chan makes a non-committal sound that half sounds like a negation. Changbin’s brows furrow. “You go stupid every time she smiles at you. You comment on her outfit, you bring her coffee, sometimes you drive her home. You always agree when she makes a suggestion.”

Anger flares in Chan’s gut.

“She makes good suggestions! She’s a really good fucking producer!” he can tell he’s almost yelling and he clears his throat. Deep breath in, deep breath out.

“She is,” Changbin says with a little smile, “She’s a really good producer, she’s super hot, and she’s into you.”

The words make Chan nearly sick with promise, but there’s a whisper in the back of his head that keeps him from believing Changbin fully. Surely, it wouldn’t be him. The mental image of you flirting with Gunil makes him flinch.

“It wouldn’t work anyways,” he mumbles, turning back to the computer, “plus, maybe she’s the same way with Gunil. He’s definitely the hotter choice.”

“I’m pretty sure Gunil’s gay,” Jisung muses. Chan just glares at the screen.

“Well, if it’s not Gunil, then it’s one of the other 20 idols she works with. Or literally anyone else.”

He hears how pathetic he sounds and he’s glad he can avoid Changbin’s prying eyes. But, predictably, Changbin doesn’t leave him alone. He gets up and plops down into the chair you only recently abandoned and leans forward, his elbows on his knees.

“Chan, you need to stop talking about yourself like that,” he says intently, and Chan almost feels bad. Changbin’s right, he should stop talking about himself like that. But it still wouldn’t change the fact that that’s what he thinks about himself. What a lot of people think about him, for that matter.

He doesn’t respond, just saves the project for the 12th time in the last five minutes. He can’t forget to fix that snare, like you said.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Changbin throw a look towards Jisung, but he doesn’t acknowledge it. They’ve been here before. Changbin lets it go and gets up.

“Let’s go home, get an early night for once,” he suggests and Chan looks up at him, “you know Jisung’s right, you get nothing done when Y/N’s not here.”

Chan waves him off.

“I’ll stick around for a while, I wanna figure out the bridge on the last track.”

They leave, begrudgingly. Chan sticks around until 3 in the morning, until his eyes are burning and he’s halfway convinced himself that Jisung’s wrong and you’re hooking up with Gunil. The bridge sounds worse now, so he reverts the project back to where it was when Changbin and Jisung left and goes home.

It’s no surprise that he sleeps like shit. He wakes up and drags himself through dance practice, Minho giving him worried glares every now and again. He nearly falls asleep in the shower after.

When he opens the door to the studio at 7.30pm and is welcomed by the smell of leather and technology, the whirring of the computers and the eery soundlessness of the padding – it’s like coming home.

He drops his bag on the floor and lets himself fall into his chair with a sigh. He leans back all the way, his muscles slowly relaxing, legs stretching out in front of him deliciously. Maybe he can rest his eyes, just for five minutes, until Changbin and Jisung get here …

He must’ve nodded off pretty quickly because he’s awoken by a gentle pressure on his arm and a soft voice saying his name and he hums, still half in his dream, before he flutters his eyes open.

You’re leaning over him with the gentlest look in your eyes and a soft smile on your lips, and for a second, he thinks he’s still dreaming, but then he realises where he is and that he fell asleep in the chair and that you just found him.

He blinks the sleep from his eyes and you lean back, pulling your hand back in the process. God, he hates when you pull your hand back. But you’re still smiling at him, which makes him feel a little better.

“Long day?” you ask, and Chan sits up slowly, blearily blinking the sleep from his eyes. You fall into your chair and pull out your iPad. He turns to you and nods.

“Didn’t sleep much last night,” he mumbles, his shoulder cracking loudly when he stretches his arms behind his back. He thinks he sees your eyes flutter down to where his t-shirt rides up, but he tells himself to stop projecting.

“Did you stay late again?” you scold gently, and he shrugs apologetically.

“Tried to fix the bridge,” he explains, and you nod.

“God, that bridge,” you mumble, “how did it go?”

Chan just shakes his head.

“Nothing worked, it’s still the same,” he admits and averts his eyes. He half expects you to be disappointed in him, which he doesn’t want to see. Or maybe you’ll make a joke about what Jisung said last night, that he wouldn’t get anything done without you. But you just shrug.

“There are those days,” you say and pat his arm gently. Right, he thinks, you wouldn’t make him feel bad about things. You never do. He can’t think about it too long, so he changes the subject.

“How did it go with Gunil today?” he asks and he hopes he sounds neutral, despite the hours and hours last night that he had imagined you flirting with the guy.

You look at him briefly and then you shrug.

“It went well,” you reply, “they’re really professional and Gunil always has great input. Also, I get to record actual instruments, so that’s always fun. I don’t get to do that often.”

Chan just nods, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, and turns back to the screen. Stupid, stupid, stupid. His brain chants. Say something.

“That’s … nice,” he offers and grimaces immediately. That was the most awkward thing he could’ve said. You watch him carefully and it feels like your gaze is burning holes into his soul.

He’s saved by his phone buzzing, Changbin’s name lighting up the screen. Right, Changbin and Jisung. They’re meant to be here by now.

8.15pm Changbin hey man, jisung and I can’t make it to the studio tonight send Y/N our love you should make the most of tonight

Chan blinks at his phone stupidly. He has all their calendars. He saw them earlier. There is no reason why they wouldn’t be able to …

Ah. They’re setting him up. Great. Fantastic. Annoyance flares up deep in his gut. He’s not in the mood for his meddling members.

He does his best to shake off his frustration before he looks up at you and oh dammit, fuck, you’re so pretty. It doesn’t happen often that he gets you all to himself for a whole evening. It’s making his heartbeat flutter in his chest.

“Jisung and Changbin can’t make it tonight,” he announces and you turn around, surprise written all over your features.

“Really?! I thought I saw them in the cafeteria earlier.”

Chan curses Changbin out in his head.

“Yeah, something just came up, very spontaneous,” Chan explains and you shrug.

“Oh well, this more our work anyways, isn’t it,” you say, smiling at him in a way that Chan can’t quite read. You turn to the screen and double-click on the song with the cursed bridge.

Our work, it reverberates through Chan’s head.

For the next two hours, Chan doesn’t focus on work. He can’t. He’s too busy wondering if he’s going insane or if you’re sitting closer to him than usual. But he so clearly feels your thigh resting against his knee, feels your jeans rub against his sweats with every one of your movements.

You’re finally finished with one of the tracks and you lean back, lifting your hands up in celebration with a yawn. Chan can’t keep his eyes away from your thighs, how they’re squished together on the seat of your chair, running up into your waist, the barest sliver of skin visible …

“You don’t have many parts in this one,” you state and his eyes snap up to your face, but you’re not looking at him, instead pursing your lips at the project that’s still open on the screen. “Like, you only have half a chorus and some ad-libs.”

Chan shrugs. Of course, of all the people, you would notice.

“Oh, you know,” he starts, burying his fists in the pocket of his sweatshirt. He should really start dressing nicer for the studio, he looks like a slob next to you in your nice tight jeans and sweet, soft sweaters. Fuck, he wants to run his hands underneath those sweaters every damn time. Stop, Chan. Stop being weird.

“Why?” you ask, finally looking at him, cocking your head to the side. The look in your eyes reminds him a lot of Changbin’s and he bristles.

“Well, you know, Jisung sounds much better on the bridge. Minho had less parts last comeback and gets the centre” he tries to reason, but you keep looking at him, “plus, nobody wants to see that.”

Your eyebrows pull together.

“See what?”

“Me,” he says quietly, “Stay wants to see the boys, wants to see Hyunjin dance and hear Seungmin sing and Jisung rap.”

You’re staring at him now and he feels like an idiot. Fuck, why did he say that?

“You think they don’t want to see you?” you ask calmly, slowly and he nods and shrugs. You scoff and shake your head.

“You’re an idiot, Channie,” you say, your pretty face pulled into a scowl as you turn back to the screen. Ouch.

“Why does everyone keep calling me that?!” he snaps, his face darkening. “I’m doing my fucking best, okay?!”

He has never gotten angry at you, ever. But now his heart is thumping in his chest and he’s glaring at you. You look surprised for a second before the expression on your face sours.

“Exactly! You’re doing your best and you’re doing a great fucking job, but you keep saying you don’t.”

Your words confuse him. You look angry, but also something else he doesn’t understand. Clearly, you didn’t want silence because you get up, and shove your iPad into your bag.

“You’re an idiot because you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. You’re an idiot because I like working with you the most because you’re so good at what you do and you’re so fucking kind and always pay attention to the people around you. You’re an idiot because you say people don’t want to see you when you’re literally sex on legs. And it’s not that you lack confidence, no, because you wouldn’t be here without it – you’re an idiot because everyone keeps trying to be nice to you and you pretend like you don’t deserve it. Well, guess what, you do.”

And without another word, you stomp out of the room. The door slams behind you and Chan can feel his heartbeat in his ears. What?!

“She said what?!” Changbin squeaks out the next morning, in the hallway of their dorm, waiting for Hyunjin and Jisung.

Chan nods, running his hand through his hair nervously.

“Chan,” he just says, and Chan can see the disappointment in his face.

“Bin, if you call me an idiot, I swear to God I will punch you.”

Changbin scoffs.

“I won’t, but you know what you have to do now, right?”

Chan groans.

“No, I don’t know, actually. What am I even meant to say?”

Changbin sighs.

“She basically told you she likes you,” he says carefully and shushes Chan when Chan is about to interrupt him.

“Who told Chan she liked him?!” Hyunjin exclaims from behind Chan, and he lets his head fall back against the wall with a thud.

Changbin repeats everything Chan just told him, and Hyunjin excitedly grabs Chan’s arm.

“Dude, that is so romantic! It’s like a movie!” He gushes, staring at Chan with stars in his eyes, “she totally likes you.”

Chan wants to fucking cry because he wants to believe it so badly.

“Fine, let’s assume she does, which is still crazy to me,” he finally says and Changbin nods, “how on earth do I talk to her now? She’s angry with me!”

“Oh, Channie, she’s not angry,” Changbin says with a smile, “what you’ll do is you’ll go to the company and find out what her schedule is like today and then you will go get her a coffee and you will pick her up from her last session and …”

“And then you kiss her and tell her something really deep like ‘I want to deserve you’ and then you go home with her and make sweet love to her until the sun …”

“Hyunjin!” Chan all but shrieks, but Changbin giggles.

“Not the worst plan, to be honest,” he teases, and Chan presses the heels of his hands into his eyes until it hurts.

Jisung finally walks into the hallway with his hood over his head, blinking at them.

“What did I miss?”

Changbin laughs and turns to open the door.

“I’ll tell you in the car.”

Despite it all, Chan does listen to them. When they’re done with the music show recording and everyone goes home, he ignores Changbin’s eyebrow wiggle, gets into his own car and drives to the company – with a brief detour to his favourite café down the road.

As he walks up to the reception with your coffee in hand, he has a brief moment of panic and his steps falter. What if you’re not there any more. What if you already left. You’re meant to record vocals with them tomorrow afternoon. He can’t face you in front of everyone.

The receptionist looks up at him when he stops in front of her.

“Hi, I was just wondering, is Y/N still here?”

His voice sounds odd to him. The receptionist taps away at her keyboard.

“She is, she’s booked with Itzy for another hour. Studio 5.”

Chan nods, hoping that she can’t hear the nerves in his voice.

“Does she have anything else on her calendar today?”

The receptionist looks down and then shakes her head.

“No, that’s her last thing today. She’s back tomorrow at 3pm with you.”

Chan nods again, giving her a quiet thank you before he turns and makes his way to the elevator.

In. Out. In. Out. He can do this. If Hyunjin and Changbin both say you’re not mad at him, you’re probably not, right?

He walks up to Studio 5 and mercifully, the ‘recording’ sign above the door is off. Before he can chicken out, he raises his hand and knocks rapidly. There’s silence, then a distant, “come in”.

When he opens the door, he’s faced with 6 women staring at him; you at your desk, Yeji leaning against the desk next to you, the rest of her members scattered around the room. His face immediately flushes red-hot.

“Y/N,” he says quietly and you rapidly blink your eyes before you get up and walk over to where he’s rooted to the spot in the doorframe.

You stop in front of him, far too close to not be distracting.

“Chan?”

He takes a deep breath.

“I … uhh, I brought you coffee,” he says, awkwardly extending it to you. He can feel the eyes of the other girls burning holes into the side of his head. You take the coffee from him wordlessly. He tries to ignore the audience, tries to focus on your eyes. Oh, your damn eyes, so pretty and intelligent.

“And I thought, uhh, maybe, if you don’t mind, after you’re done, we could talk?”

You’re looking up at him, your face unreadable. You’re wearing new earrings today, he notices. They look pretty.

You watch his eyes rest on your ears and huff out a laugh when his gaze meets yours again. You shake your head, but you smile.

“Sure, I’d like that, but we still have at least an hour left.”

“I’ll wait,” Chan says, too fast and much too eager. “I’ll wait for you. In our studio, I’ll just get some work done.”

He won’t, he thinks. There’s no way.

You nod, your smile even softer now. So soft. Fuck.

“Okay,” you say and he smiles, too, unable to help it.

“Okay … I’ll uhh leave you to it, sorry, I’ll go, I’ll see you later,” he mutters out, bowing awkwardly at the rest of the girl group and closes the door behind him. Once he’s outside, he can hear silence and then loud squeals and chatter.

He doesn’t get any work done in the next hour, haphazardly clicking through his open projects until the door cracks open slightly.

He slams his laptop shut when you poke your head into the room, and you chuckle. He just smiles at you, so giddy with your smile, your presence, this feeling that something is about to change. He doesn’t say anything, just waits, lets you set the pace. He can be patient, he’d do anything for you.

“Wanna drive me home?” you ask and he nods, already shoving his laptop into his bag.

You’re quiet as you walk down the hallway, you’re quiet in the elevator, though you do lean against the wall right next to him, so close he can smell your perfume. He leads you into the garage and to his car and you punch your address into his phone. As if he hadn’t memorised the way there the third time he drove you home, almost 10 months ago.

You still haven’t said a single word when he pulls up in front of your house. Did he miss something? Were you waiting for him to talk? Your hand finds the door handle and you crack it open, though you look back at him and raise your eyebrows.

“I figured it would be nicer if we didn’t have this conversation in the car,” you say slowly and he blinks at you.

“Do you want me to–“

You laugh, a clear, shimmering sound.

“Yes, Chan, please come inside with me.”

He nods, his cheeks already on fire again, as he kills the engine and scrambles out of the car.

When you unlock your door, he realises he has driven you home countless times, but he has never actually seen your apartment. You push the door open and hold it for him, before toeing your shoes off. He does the same and follows you into the living room.

His first thought is that it’s cozy, so cozy he feels like an intruder, like a stranger that just walked into your head. The sofa looks worn and comfortable, full of throw pillows, a thick blanket bunched up next to your laptop. There are candles on the low table in front of it, most of them half burned down. He wonders if that’s where you sit when you work from home. Cozied up in the blanket, your laptop on your lap, the candles burning.

Behind the sofa there’s a large wooden dining table, half of it taken up by miscellaneous papers and magazines. All around the room there’s … music. Two electric guitars on one wall, a bass leaning against the side of a low storage cabinet that is bursting open, cables hanging onto the floor. There are records on the walls, records under your TV, your record player next to it.

“Do you want anything to drink?” you ask from the half open kitchen, and he looks over. You’re leaning over the half open fridge. “I have water, Diet Coke, beer, wine, or I can make you some coffee?”

“Geez, you have everything,” he hums out, brutally reminded of the yawning emptiness and ungodly mess of his dorms. Compared to that, this place seems calm, clean … mature.

Your laugh echoes back to him.

“Hardly. For example, I actually have no idea how long this wine has been open for.”

That makes him laugh as well, some of the tension melting from his bones.

“I’m good for now,” he says and you shrug, getting a bottle of water from the fridge and walking past him until you’re sat on the sofa, folding your legs underneath yourself.

He follows you, but suddenly gets distracted by a pile of bright pink books on the storage cabinet next to your table. No way.

“Are those …?” he asks, a disbelieving chuckle tumbling from his lips. You giggle and get up, rounding the sofa until you’re standing next to him.

“Your albums, yeah, the ones I worked on,” you explain with a smile. Now there’s a blush on your cheeks. “A couple of versions for good measure.”

Chan just chuckles again, shaking his head.

“I hope you at least got them for free from the company,” he mumbles and you just chuckle. He stares at the pile. They’re all there.

“And you’re displaying them in your living room?” he adds, voice full of wonder.

“Hey,” you argue sheepishly, “I’m proud of my work, of our work. And look, …”

You reach around him and pluck one of the albums from the pile. You’ve never been this close to him; your arm is pressed up against his chest, your hair within a few inches of his face. He’s staring at your hair, so close he’d just have to …

Then you hold up a small, shiny piece of cardboard, victory written all over your features.

“I even pulled you!”

It’s a photocard. Of him. Him, with smudged eyeliner, his bangs in his face, holding up a peace sign. You look up at him with the prettiest smile he’s ever seen.

His brain crashes and burns and his hand finds the back of your head and then he’s kissing you; pressing his lips to yours softly, but insistently, a deep sigh fighting its way out of his chest because God he’s wanted this for so, so long.

You make the cutest surprised noise in the back of your throat, but then you melt into his embrace, kissing him back eagerly, your hand wrapping around his wrist where he’s holding on to you, as if to keep him from letting go. When he pulls back, you make a sad little sound in the back of your throat and he swears you could ask him to do anything right then and there and he would do it.

He rests his forehead against yours softly. His breathing is laboured, eyes heavy.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, “probably should’ve asked before I did that.”

You chuckle, but still roll your eyes at him.

“I thought I made it clear enough that I like you.”

Chan swears his heart stutters to a halt for a second.

“You … like me,” he breathes out and you pull back in disbelief.

“Yes, of course, I … how was that not obvious?”

Chan shrugs helplessly, his cheeks starting to burn.

“I mean, Changbin told me you did, and Hyunjin also said it sounded like it.”

You raise an eyebrow and cross your arms across your chest.

“So, how many of your members did you ask about this?”

He flushes, but you grin at him. He takes a tentative step closer, his hands finding your wrists and gently uncrossing your arms. His eyes are caught by the image of his fingertips on your skin, the feel of it underneath his.

“Only Changbin and Jisung, and then Changbin involved Hyunjin,” he says, slowly moving your hands to come to rest on his hips. You let him, your palms coming to rest over his hoodie. When he looks up again, your eyes are glued to his lips.

“What else did they say then?”

Chan smiles, leaning forward only enough to rub his nose against yours. He can hear your breath hitch in your throat. His heart is thundering in his chest.

“Hyunjin said I should kiss you and say something profound like ‘I want to deserve you’,” he whispers and he feels you breathe out a laugh against his lips. He wonders if your heart is beating as fast as his.

“Channie,” you breathe out and it makes a shiver run down his spine, “you already deserve me.”

“Fuck,” he rasps out, his hands surging up to cup your face. But he doesn’t kiss you yet. “You’re the best part of my day, do you know that? You’re so … so damn pretty and so fucking hot and so good at what you do and so capable and … fuck, I like you, too, I hope you know that.”

You breathe out another laugh, but something in your face looks like you might cry.

“I was hoping so, yeah,” you mumble, and he shakes his head. He leans forward and ghosts his lips over yours.

“You know what else Hyunjin said?” he murmurs and it’s taking everything in him not to lean in yet. You hum in question.

“That I should make love to you until the sun rises,” he whispers, against your lips, and you whimper. His knees nearly buckle at the sound.

“God, please,” you mumble before you fist your hands into his sweatshirt and pull your body into his, pressing your lips against his hungrily. You let your tongue run over his bottom lip and he opens his mouth readily. When your tongue swipes over his, blistering electricity shocks down his spine. He kisses you harder, his tongue dipping into your mouth like he’s trying to map out every inch of it, one hand coming to your waist to pull you closer.

He would be embarrassed at the fact that he’s already filling out in his pants, if it wasn’t for the pretty little gasps you keep breathing into his mouth. God, you like him. You like him, too.

His head is swimming with the taste of you on his tongue, his body pressing closer and closer until you hit the edge of the wooden dining table. His foot hits one of the chairs and it nearly topples over, but you catch it before it can fall over. He hesitates only for a second, but it’s enough for you to notice.

“Don’t you dare apologise for that,” you mumble against his lips before you kiss him again, pulling him flush against your body. And you don’t have to tell him twice this time. He wraps one arm around your waist and lifts you onto the table, your legs falling open until he can stand between them. He leans his hands on the table on either side of you, caging you tightly against his body.

“Better?” he growls and you nod deliriously, letting your hands travel under his sweater and over his bare back, before you dig your nails into his skin. A deep groan rips from his throat at the sensation, his hips bucking forward into nothingness. Your hands are shoving his sweater up, desperately running your palms over his skin.

You’re staring at him with fire in your eyes, mumbling a quiet, “off,” and he complies instantly. And he’s used to people staring at him, of course he is, but nobody has ever looked at him the way you do. Like you had no expectations, but like he exceeded every single one of them anyways. Your eyes are roaming every piece of exposed skin, your fingertips coming to trace over his abs.

“How are you real,” you breathe and suddenly, he blushes. He’s standing in front of you half naked, rock hard in his jeans, and his face flushes crimson like he’s a school boy. You smirk at him and pull him closer.

You press a feather-light kiss on his jaw and his eyes flutter shut, his hands falling to the thighs he’d been staring at for the better part of 5 months. They feel so much better under his hands than he could’ve ever imagined, so plush and thick, he wants to feel them wrapped around his fucking head for hours. You keep kissing down his neck torturously slowly, sucking a deep mark into the skin right above his collarbone, and he thinks like he’ll go insane.

He threads his fingers into the hair on the back of your neck and tugs you backwards, your head following the motion readily, a little gasp falling from your lips. He kisses you again, with everything he has. But you pull back with a desperate little moan that makes his cock twitch in his sweats.

“Take me to my bedroom,” you breathe out and he smiles at you, scooping you up into his arms, your legs wrapping around his waist effortlessly. You press messy little kisses all over his cheeks and temples, giggling slightly as he makes his way down the hallway and through the half-open door of your bedroom.

But before he can throw you onto the bed, you untangle your legs and jump from his arms, pulling him down into your lips again and turning him around, pressing your hands into his chest and walking him to the edge of your bed, forcing him to sit down. You bend down to press a few more kisses to his lips before you sink to your knees.

Oh fuck.

You stare up at him, eyes wide, lips slick and slightly parted, and the view itself makes him lightheaded. He barely thought he deserved you earlier today and now you were on your knees in front of him, looking at him like you were ready to give him whatever he asked for. You rake your nails up his thighs and he shudders out a breath when your fingers reach his waistband.

“You … you don’t have to,” he stutters out, though his cock visibly twitches in his pants. Traitor.

You stare at him steadily as you push your fingertips underneath his waistband. He leans back, supporting himself with his arms behind him, his fingers fisted into the sheets.

“I need you to stop doing that,” you say, your face serious. He gulps, but you continue before he can ask you what you mean, “stop telling me what you do and don’t deserve. I’m on my knees in front of you because I think you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen in my life and I want you to absolutely ruin me.”

He blinks at you, unable to form a coherent sentence, as you slowly pull at his waistband. So instead, he just lifts his hips to let you pull down his sweats and boxers. When his cock finally springs free, he hisses, watching you as your eyes dip down.

“Fuck, you’re big, Channie,” you breathe and lick your lips. Chan thinks he won’t survive you. “And so beautiful. Such a beautiful cock on a beautiful man.”

With those words, you press a hot kiss to the inside of his thigh, dragging your lips across his skin. You accidentally bump is cock with your soft cheek and he whines. Whether from the touch or from your works, he doesn’t know at this point. You chuckle.

But you seem to have mercy on him because you don’t tease, dragging your lips up his shaft sweetly. Chan’s pretty sure it’s the softest thing he’s ever felt, but then your tongue peeks out of your mouth and licks at him and he has to correct himself because holy shit.

Your hands are on his thighs, massaging his skin when your lips loosely wrap around the tip of his cock. Your tongue swipes over his slit, humming at the taste of his precum, and then you sink him into your mouth, bobbing your head slowly, intentionally, swirling your tongue around his base. When you look up at him, it’s like the breath has been punched out of him. Your lips are stretched around him, a trail of saliva running down your chin, your make-up smudged around your eyes. It’s better than any of the wet dreams he’s had about you, and he’s had many.

“Fuuuuck”, he breathes out and you hum around his cock.

You shuffle a little closer and then the hand that was holding him comes down to his balls, running lithe fingers over the velvety skin as you sink him further into your mouth until he hits your throat and you gag around him slightly.

The pleasure is overwhelming, every slide of your mouth so fucking perfect on his sensitive cock, and when your throat constricts around him, his hips jump before he can control himself.

“Sorry, sorry,” he whispers, breathing a ragged whimper as he tries to get his breathing under control.

Suddenly, you pull away from him. He flinches at the sudden loss of contact, your spit rapidly cooling on his cock.

“Channie,” you purr out, and his eyes immediately flicker to yours, like he never had a choice, “I want you to fuck my throat.”

Chan blinks at you. Surely, you didn’t just say that.

“Huh?”

You roll your eyes.

“I want you to fuck my throat. I want you to wrap your hand into my hair and tug me down onto your cock. And I want you to cum in my mouth.”

There’s a solid beat where he tries to figure out if you’re serious, but your words are echoing through his head. Stop telling me what you do and don’t deserve. And you’re staring up at him with so much desire, he wants to eat you whole.

So, carefully, he nods, mumbling something about pinching his thigh if it gets too much, before he gingerly unclenches his hand from the sheets and brings it to your face. He takes his time, lets his fingertips caress down your cheekbones, over the soft skin of your cheeks until they’re cupping your jaw. Delicately, he guides you forward, back to his cock, and you smile prettily before you wrap your lips around his head, tonguing at him in a way that that forces a moan from him. The sheer pleasure of it melts some of his hesitation, and he lets his fingers trail into your hair, running through it gently before he sinks his fingers into it and gets a good grip.

He starts slow, bobbing you up and down shallowly, the wet heat of your mouth already better than anything he’s ever felt. Then he pulls you down further, his grip on your head tightening, and the way you choke out a moan at the feeling is all the confirmation he needs. So he lets go a little bit, making you take him deeper and deeper with every subsequent slide of your mouth, and your throat opens around him readily. Then, all at once, he’s so deep that your nose bumps into his pubic hair and he’s pretty sure he’s seeing God because he has never in his life felt anything like it. He watches you, your pretty eyes fluttered shut, your nails digging into his thighs as he drags you up and down, and the image alone makes him hurtle toward his release. He can feel himself throbbing in your mouth.

“Oh, baby, baby,” he pants out, his eyes screwed shut in pleasure, “I’m gonna … I have to … oh God if you don’t want me to cum in your mouth stop me now.”

But you just hum lapping your tongue along the underside of his cock and that does it, his vision whites out as pleasure explodes in his abdomen, shuddering through his body until he can feel it in his toes. He’s cradling your head, his hips canting up ever so slightly with every wave of cum he shoots down your throat and he feels like it’s never-ending.

When he’s spent, he collapses backwards, falling against the sheets, breathless. He distantly registers you, gently unthreading his fingers from your hair and getting up before the bed dips and you crawl over him.

You look like an angel, looking down at him with a satisfied smile, even if your lips are red raw and your make-up is runny. A debauched angel. His debauched angel.

He smiles back at you before he pulls you into his lips, tasting himself when he swipes his tongue across yours. When his hands find your waist, he mewls out.

“How are you still dressed,” he complains, one hand coming to hide his face, “I can’t believe you did all of that while you’re still dressed.”

You giggle into his lips endearingly, but he flips you over until he’s hovering over you, caging you against the mattress with his elbows on either side of your head.

“Let me undress you, beautiful,” he whispers and presses a soft kiss to your lips and you just nod, eyes wide and wet.

And he does, lets his big hands finally push underneath the softness of your sweater until he can feel the unbelievably softer skin of your stomach, feeling every inch of your plush waist, squeezing and caressing to his heart’s content before he rucks the sweater up and over your head. He makes quick work of your bra, sliding it off you with a heady groan, his lips immediately pressing kisses from your collarbone to your tits, mouthing at the supple skin. When his lips wrap around your nipple, your back arches off the bed so sinfully, his cock twitches again already.

He hums as he continues to lap at your nipple, switching from one to the other, using his free hand to roll them between his thumb and pointer finger.

“P-please,” you breathe out and it makes his head spin, the airy quality of your voice like he’s never heard it before. He wants to draw every single sound out of you and he wants to catalogue them all. So he trails his kisses down your sternum, down the expanse of your belly, nuzzling his nose into the skin underneath your belly button with a hum as he works open the button of your jeans.

He gets up enough to pull your jeans and panties off you in one fluid motion, hooking his hands underneath your knees to pull you to the edge of the bed. Now he sinks to his knees and it feels almost reverent. He doesn’t care about the way his knees dig into the plush carpet because his eyes are glued to where your core is on display for him, beautiful and glistening. He hoists one of your legs over his shoulder, then the other, nuzzling the skin of your thighs with a deep sigh. Finally. But he can smell your arousal now and it’s so sweet and addicting that the kisses he places on the inside of your thighs more resemble a wet drag of his lips than anything else.

With the first lick to your folds and the first sweet moan he drags from your lips, his hand shoots down to squeeze his cock because he’s already hard again and_fuck_ you sound good and you taste even better, so sweet and tart and heady.

He leans into gathering the wetness from your entrance, swirling his tongue up to your clit and rubbing at it until your knuckles turn white on the sheets and only then does he let himself dip down and into your entrance, his tongue rubbing over the sensitive skin. You whimper and reach your hand out for him. When he sees you hesitate, he reaches out, interlacing his fingers with yours slowly and deliberately, as he laps at you. You blink down at him and you look so sweet and wrecked and so vulnerable, it’s unlike anything he’s ever seen before. It’s so unlike your professional demeanour at work, yet it’s so much more like you. It suits you. He dips his tongue into your hole, sweet wetness exploding on his tastebuds as you mewl.

“Channie,” you breathe out and he fists his cock loosely.

“What, baby?” he mumbles against your folds and moves back to rub your clit with his tongue. Your hips jump off the sheets and he brings your interlaced fingers to rest on your belly, pressing you down.

“P-please, touch me,” you whimper out, and Chan presses his tongue harder against you for a second, revelling in the way your body responds to him immediately.

“I’m touching you, baby,” he hums. When he looks up, you’re pouting and he can’t believe how fucking cute you look.

“I wan’ … wanna be full,” you whine out, and Chan’s eyes roll into the back of his head. He lets go of his cock and slowly traces one of his fingers through your folds.

“Want me to stuff you with my fingers, baby?” he asks and chuckles when you shake your head frantically.

“Wan’ your cock,” you mumble and open your eyes, the big watery depths of them making Chan questions everything he’s ever known. He haphazardly wipes his mouth on the sheets before he moves up your body, lifting you up the sheets with an arm around your waist until your pretty head is cushioned on the pillows. You look so ethereal like this, he wants to worship you and ruin you. Yes, both. He grips you by the chin, letting his eyes roam over your features, taking one more second to revel in the fact that he has you under him. Then he kisses you deep and dirty, hard grip on your chin as he forces you to take it. He can’t resist it, and he slides one finger into your wet warm entrance, entranced by the way you flutter around him, your hands flying to his shoulders as you curse out.

“Fuck, I want your cock,” you curse out, head tipping back when Chan adds another finger.

“You think you’re ready for that, baby?” he questions, head dipping down to nip at the skin of your neck as he pumps his fingers in and out of you.

You nod frantically.

“‘M so ready. Please, Channie, I want you to stretch me open really slowly, so all I can feel is you,” you breathe out and Chan is glad his face is buried in your neck because he’s pretty sure his eyes just rolled into the back of his head “I want it to slide in real slow until I’m full.”

Chan pulls his fingers from you so abruptly it makes you sigh disappointedly. He grasps himself and spreads your slick along his shaft as he strokes his cock, dragging the head of it through your folds. Next time he will make you wait, draw more of these filthy words out of your mouth, make you cum on his tongue and on his fingers until the only thing you can say is his name; but today he’s not strong enough to resist you any longer, not when you’re begging like this.

He pulls his head back and looks into your eyes.

“You have a filthy mouth,” he mumbles, watches your eyes crinkle with a smile.

“Do you love it?” you ask coquettishly and he grins as he presses the head of his cock into your entrance.

“I love it, baby,” he mumbles as he pushes in slowly, almost breathless with how your walls are sucking him in almost by themselves, enveloping his aching cock in velvety heat. “I love your filthy fucking mouth_oh my gooooood_.”

Whatever he means to say is lost when you cross your legs behind his back and slowly pull him into you, your heat enveloping him slowly but all at once and it’s so tight and so hot. If you hadn’t already given him an earth-shattering orgasm earlier, he’s pretty sure he would be fighting tooth and nail not to cum right now.

He sits up a little bit and rocks into you gently and you whimper, quietly, brokenly, and he’s consumed by how much he wants you. He laces his fingers with yours again and pins your hand up and over your head, his other hand coming to your hip to hold you in place.

Everything around him melts away, any thoughts of his members or his work or the traffic outside the window, it all vanishes when he locks eyes with you, his own shimmering desire mirrored in yours, and rolls his hips.

“So good,” you breathe out and he dips his head down to kiss you, deep and lingering, as he grinds into you.

Much like everything else with you, this feels easy. He pulls out and pushes back in slowly, builds momentum gradually, wanting to taste every inch of you until the pleasure is prickling under his skin and he thinks he might go insane if he doesn’t get more friction, just how he likes it – and you’re underneath him, smiling as you moan, your eyes screwed shut as you rock your hips to meet his.

It’s like there’s something tying you to him, aligning you on a level that he can’t comprehend just yet. And when he picks up his pace, rutting into you harder, you take that, too, the nails of your free hand raking down his abs as his hand tightens on your hips, holding you down against the mattress with ease. He adds a little experimental tilt of his hips at the end of his stroke and oh, you clench around him with a heady moan, another wave of wetness coating his cock and making the slide even wetter.

“You’re perfect,” he whispers, slightly breathless with the motions of his hips, the words falling from his lips before he can keep them in.

You chuckle, the sound of it interrupted with a heady little moan. “Says you,” you tease him and he just … laughs, throws his head back and laughs, happiness spreading through his entire body. How are you making him laugh, and this is still the hottest sex he’s ever had.

He lets go of your hip and lets himself fall forward, his body folding over you, his sweaty chest pressed to yours. He feels the drag of your nipples against his chest as he fucks into you harder, and the pleasure makes his toes curl.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he pants out and presses a kiss to your parted lips, “ever since you walked into the studio on the first day, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

Your hands are digging into his shoulders and he picks up his pace even more, his head falling into the crook of your neck. He inhales, the familiar smell of your perfume mixing with the entirely new smell of your body and creating something so intoxicating he never wants to lift his head again. He runs his tongue over your neck and it’s like a drug, his hand falling from yours over your head and cupping the side of your neck tightly, pulling you impossibly closer against him, as he pistons his cock into you faster, his balls tightening with how close he’s getting to his release.

He sucks on the skin of your neck, letting his teeth graze over your pulse and he can feel your walls flutter around him, tightening more with every single one of his thrusts. He knows you’re close and he winds his hand down to touch your clit, but you stop him, bringing his hand back to your throat, but to the front this time. He pulls back to look at you, and the image of his fingers wrapped around your throat burns itself into his head.

“I wanna cum like this,” you mumble and he groans in disbelief.

“How are you real?” he echoes your earlier sentiment and you huff out half a laugh that’s interrupted by your eyes rolling into the back of your head when Chan angles his hips up slightly and tightens his fingers around the side of your throat.

“God, fuck, look at you,” he pants out, nearly delirious with how you’re clenching and gushing around him so hard now. He can taste your orgasm and his is nipping on his heels close behind. Your hand comes to his wrist and then your back arches, a long moan of his name tearing from your chest as you cum around him. Your hips rock back into him wantonly as you cum and your cunt squeezes his cock tightly as you fuck yourself onto him, and that’s what makes all his careful self-control turn to dust. You rip an orgasm so visceral from his body that he doubles over, shoving himself as deep into you as he can when he cums, his thighs trembling helplessly as he fills you up.

He’s still breathless when he pulls back, cupping your face in his hands and pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“I’m so fucking in love with you. Let me take you out to lunch tomorrow before we record,” he says, and it’s like he has never felt surer of anything in his life, all his usual hesitation crumpled up somewhere on the floor of your bedroom, discarded with his sweatpants.

You smile up at him, wider than he’s ever seen it before.

“I’m so fucking in love with you, too. Please take me out to lunch tomorrow,” you repeat, and Chan lets all the happiness bubble up until his cheeks are dimpled, and his eyes are crinkling with a smile.

He doesn’t go home that night, only checks his phone and sees Changbin telling the group chat that he’s probably boning his new girlfriend. He sends a text to tell them he’s alright and will meet them at the studio tomorrow.

You order dinner, make love again and fall asleep with your legs tangled under the sheets, kissing, talking about everything under the sun. Chan feels like his whole life has led up to this day, when he realizes that everything with you is easy. It feels like home.

And when you walk into the studio after your lunch date the next day, all of his members fall silent and stare at you expectantly. Chan catches your eyes and there’s a silent, amused agreement. He just walks over to his seat and pulls out his laptop and asks them if they’re ready to start.

But Changbin gasps out loud and cheers when Chan’s hand finds your thigh under the table half an hour later. Chan blushes and his eyes snap up to yours immediately, finding you grinning at him with so much fondness in your eyes, he wants to pull you into his lap and kiss you for all the world to see. Instead, he squeezes your leg, giddiness in his chest at the fact that he can do this now. This is the beginning of something new.

skzms' masterlist // ko-fi

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GENERAL TAGLIST OPEN 🔖 (please be 18+ and have your age in your bio, otherwise I won't add you)

[jilixthinker]

sweet nothings

☆ MASTERLIST ☆

pairing: bang chan × fem!reader

genre: smut

word count: 950 words / drabble!

content warning: explicit sexual content, sub!chan, established relationship, mommy kink, edging, cock play, ass slapping, dacryphilia

a/c: @straykeedz asks (kinda) and I deliver, mwah.

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"What's going on Channie? Too much already?"

Chan looks like a wet mess while you caress his sweaty cheek. He is on the verge of tears, sweet whimpers falling out from his parted lips. He is been rutting against your stomach for more than one hour now, straddling your lap and grinding his naked body with growing impatience.

His swollen cock is gradually wetting your pants underneath, red and oversensitive after being denied of his orgasm for so long. He is wearing nothing but his black cat ears and the collar he used for the fansign. The letters forming "Chris" are shiny under your gaze.

Chan doesn't answer to your question, but his face is a flushed mask and you know he heard you. You coo condescendingly at his silence.

"Too dumb to answer me, honey? You are so sweet."

Chan keeps rubbing himself in small circles, quickly puffing air out of his opened mouth. His tongue lolls out of his lips and a dribble of saliva falls from the tip of it, leaking on his aching cock.

"S' tired m-mommy."

Your bring your arm to circle his hips and your hand caresses the small of his back. Chan whimpers and his puffy cockhead gets caught on the fabric of your sweats.

"But I'm not done playing with you, baby."

Chan cries a little when your hand rests on the soft fat of his buttcheek before hitting his skin with a loud smack. As soon as he feels the slight pain, he rolls his hips and spurts some more precum on you.

"Ah... b-but I've been good. Uh, uh, I've been good f-for you. I wan' cum."

You slap his butt again, he lets out the sweetest sound, cock twitching for the slight pain.

"I don't think so Channie. Not yet. You are still talking, uh? That means you are still with me. You know what I want from my baby boy, right?"

You look up and he is just the prettiest, all spread out and submissive for you. His face is a mess, eyes glossy and lips all bruised and red. His legs tremble every time he delivers a shallow thrust over you.

"Y-yes... I-I don't know, I jus' want to- uh."

You wrap your free hand around his cock and you squeeze it. It's not too harsh, but it's enough to finally make him cry. The tears wet his cheeks and he keen loudly at the feeling.

You smile and you scoot forward to place a tiny peck on his neck, just above his collar. You start a lazy rhythm, stopping just to stimulate his spongy head, all red and swollen. Chan soft sobs make you feel lightheaded and you slide your thumb against his slit. Chan's thighs shake and he nearly screams.

"You know why I gave you this pretty choker to wear in front of all those people, Channie? All tight and with your name on it?" you ask, sliding your left fingers around said collar and grabbing it firmly. "You know why mommy did it?" You wrap your index and thumb on the material and you suddenly pull, Chan's neck harshly moved forward.

Chan is just babbling at this point, head empty of thoughts but full of pleasure for being toyed like this by you. As if he is just yours. As if you own him.

"I did it so everyone could see that you are mine. Just mine to use. My pretty toy." You pull the choker more and he lets out a painful sigh at the movement. "And for you to remember your own name after I am done using you."

Your words are harsh, but your tone is sickengly sweet while you start to circle fastly your wrist around his tip, and obscene squelching noises fill the room.

"And I guess it's working, uh? Can't hear you talking anymore."

Chan's strenght reaches his final point and he finally gives up, falling on your body. He squishes his face on the crook of your neck and his warm tears roll on your shoulder while you keep rubbing the palm of your hand against the head of his cock, making him mewl and squirm. He cannot think anymore, he just feels sticky pleasure and nothing else.

"That's right. That's it. My sweet boy is gonna give me all of his cum, isn't he? You're gonna give it to me because it's mine. Every drop is mine, like everything of you have."

With the hand in between his legs you finally pump his cock fast and hard, feeling him getting painfully rigid between your finger. The filthy noise of his balls slapping against his own skin with every stroke fills the room.

"C'mon, baby boy. You can cum, you have been so good for mommy. Let go, sweet thing. Cum on me."

You turn your face and you kiss his cheek lovingly. Chan hiccups and you give him one last stroke, rubbing your thumb just under the cockhead, where the spongy tip meet his frenulum. And that's how he cums. Warm spurts of cum covering all your hand, hot and creamy, while he finally breathes all of the pleasure out of himself.

"That's my baby. There you go. Always so perfect for me, so sweet. I love you. You did so well."

Chan hums and you bring your hand to stroke gently his hair, combing his sweaty locks and hugging him tight. Chan snuggles against your chest, still panting a little and nuzzling his head on your breasts.

"B-been good?" He murmurs, voice low and tired.

"Been so good, Channie." You kiss the top of his head, whispering sweet nothing until his body relaxes against yours.

His shiny collar is so pretty on him, you think. Good for him you bought him another one.

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©️ jilixthinker, 2024. please do not copy, translate, or republish my works anywhere.