Unicorn of Doom

I am the Unicorn of Doom. If I'm really amped up, I'm the Unicorn of Doooom. I like murdering injustice, skewering hate, trampling oppression, and running on the beach. I am here to bring freedom to those who deserve it yet are being denied it by worms. I stomp worms with my golden, sparkling hooves. I smoosh them into wormy paste. All while my mane waves gloriously in the wind.

[melisandre]

25 Days of Gifmas Day Seventeen: A Christmas Story

[binthawa]

[joshuapkennedy-blog]

Rainboooowwwws!

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

Um, duh.

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

I'm heading over to the annex to take a class in invisibility.  This new skill will allow me to poop on Putin undetected.  If he's back at the bath house, I'll sneak some incriminating pictures for all of you, too.

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

The most harrowing moment during my house arrest at Putin's place was the day they took me to gay conversion "therapy." They weren't really sure how to convert a gay unicorn, so they showed me hours and hours of horse mating videos.  

Unicorns watching horses having sex is like humans watching baboons doing it.  At first it's interesting from a purely scientific perspective, but after a couple of minutes you just want to flip to the Cartoon Network to get your innocence back.

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

During my house arrest in Putin's study, I woke up every morning at 6am.  Putin was always sitting next to me, gently caressing my mane. I can't tell you what he was mumbling in Russian, but judging by what he was doing to himself with his other hand, I'm not certain I want to know.

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

The worst thing about Putin's top secret closet-gay raves was the music.  I would've expected Madonna or maybe t.A.T.u., but no.  Instead, it was all Russian folk music remixed into dubstep.  And it wasn't even GOOD dubstep, if that's real thing...

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

I got "arrested" for spotting Putin and Milonov in a gay bath house in Russia.  I put quotes around "arrested" because they didn't know what to do with a unicorn and made me live in Putin's study.  Which was not terrifying until about midnight when it became a creepy closet-gay rave.  I had to get out of there.

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

Oh THAT'S what a bath house is. I was dirty and needed a place to wash off, but these guys are...wait...is that Putin and Milonov?! Someone grab a camera, quick!!

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

I want a picture (or an animated gif!!!) of a unicorn eye-lasering Putin with Milonov running away in the background. Internet, make this happen. Pretty please.

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

Vladimir Putin just illegalized the existence of unicorns and has said that even putting a paper horn on a horse is an offense punishable by death.  LET'S EYE-LASER THE BITCH!

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

The blood of my enemies doesn't seem to be making a difference here in Russia.  What else can I try to help the LGBTQ Russians?  I do take requests.  Suggestions?

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

Vladimir Putin is trying to enact a law that bans unicorns from pooping.  I guess I'll just have to start skewering.  I was trying to be reasonable!

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

The fight for justice and peace in Russia is not going very well for the Unicorn of Doom.  I've already "accidentally" pooped on a few hundred people.  I mean, that's a lot of poop.

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

I may be a magical beast, but I clearly have a low tolerance for Russian trough-vodka.  To be fair, how was I supposed to know that Russians were so desperate for booze that they just keep it in troughs on the street?!

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

Im in Russiases to bring joistice and tolberance to these asshats.  I’ve experplienced a delay, though. I landddded after hours n hours of flyink and apprached a nerby trough and took a drink.  It all VOTKA!  baaaaaa!  DRUNKES!

[joshuapkennedy-blog]

Unicorns + booze = ridiculous

[sitsinwindows-deactivated201606]

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

Furrck yes i wants this in my trough pleeeeeze!

[unicornofdoooom-blog]

Im in Russiases to bring joistice and tolberance to these asshats.  I've experplienced a delay, though. I landddded after hours n hours of flyink and apprached a nerby trough and took a drink.  It all VOTKA!  baaaaaa!  DRUNKES!