hey, i was wondering if you (or any of your other followers) could give me some advice. i'm 20 years old, and i've never had a boyfriend. i know a lot of it is because i have so little confidence when it comes to approaching guys, because i never think they'll be interested in me because my CP seems to be intimidating. how can i gain more confidence and make people see that i'm worth getting to know on a different level?
Hi, Emily! :) I always read you, and I know you’re feeling troubled about this lately, that’s why I wanted to take my time to give you a good answer. I’m sorry it took so long but I had a busy week.
You must know that I’m about to be 23 years this month and I’ve never been in a commited relationship either. Even if I’d like to have boyfriend because it would be nice to have that kind of complicity and intimacy with someone that you can’t get from family or friends, it isn’t good to push things just because some social conventions say so. Having a boyfriend is not the “be all end all”. Love life is just a part of emotional life (an important part, but don’t give more importance to it than the necessary).
You are still beginning your life. You are only twenty. Maybe another girls our age have already a huge amount of stories to tell, but that doesn’t mean you are late for the “boyfriend distribution”. After all, what matters is not the quantity but the quality. I get sad on Valentine’s day too, but we shall not rush things to happen.
I know that disability makes everything harder. That’s why I’ll share with you this very fragile part of myself with the purpose of making you believe that you can be loved and cherished with your disability: when I started liking boys I noticed that they always liked my friends, but they never liked me. Most of the times when they talked to me they did it for me to help them to hook up with my friends. So I was always the best friend, never the girlfriend. But from time to time some boy liked ME, not my friend. I was so insecure that I started thinking shit like “but my friend is prettier, and I’m disabled, he must be joking, WHY DOES HE LIKE ME?! he has bad ortography after all”. I turned down every boy that actually liked me. I still do. I friendzone the nice guys and drool for the douchebags that treat me bad. The point in this is that even if I couldn’t answer why, boys liked me and they still do and it seems that they will like me for long (thank God). And I’ve had two wonderful fuckbuddies and they’ve made me feel the sexiest woman on earth. My disability hasn’t been an issue for these guys as much as it has been an issue for me. If my experience is not enough for you, here in Tumblr i’ve met wonderful women who are disabled and have successful relationships. Believe me when I say that disability is not the problem. You’re right on that about the self confidence. But don’t you worry, child. That can be fixed! Here are some tips ;)
-Embrace yourself. If there’s something you can do to make a better version of yourself, do it! (Exercising, taking care of your appearance, wearing make up, eating healthy, having a hobby, studying, practicing sports, religion, whatever you like).-It’s important that you feel comfortable and attractive because that’s perceived by others. Wear clothes that you like and make you feel hot. Start getting used to feeling beautiful and sexy on your skin, it doesn’t matter how your style is.-Always be authentic. Do what you like to do. Sooner or later you’ll meet people with common interests, and that’s a great way to start a friendship that could become into something else. -Get busy, don’t think too much about having a boyfriend and let people get to know you in your “natural habitat”. If you think too much about it you’ll get nervous around boys and they won’t get to know the real you. Also, despair isn’t attractive as it gives the message of a needy personality. Boys can smell a desperate girl like dogs. -Stay cool about your disability, think about it as an ice breaker. Last: be yourself.
I hope this was helpful. Write to me any time
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