things i’ve heard college students say pt. 27
-if you hit it raw, why are you voting red?
-if all he does is smoke and give you meat, you’re dating a barbeque grill sis
-being horny is a feminine trait, you should be thinking about war
-lord, we thank thee for the food before us *grocery store sushi, sponge bob fruit punch, pokemon-themed fruity pebbles*
-why does the aftertaste of coke zero taste like blood
-suck it up, you’re an American, you can do anything with god and Nixon on your side
-i’m too drunk to pray for god
-if I’m ever in a coma, just show me that meme of Georgia as a state backslapping the Republican elephant and I will bolt upright
-“Academic weapon” and “alcoholic” both begin with A
That they do, Braden, that they do
-My Little Pony? More like My Big Pony
That did psychological damage
-turning right on red is the greatest civil liberty we have left in this country
-well as of 1989, dueling does not prevent you from running for public office, so props to you
-he walks like he got pegged
-if I’m ever throwing up on the side of the road and I text you that I’m drunk, you don’t have to come get me. I always find my way home. Like a pigeon.
-being in a relationship will NOT solve your problems. Happiness comes from substance abuse
-I wrote down all the reasons we should do shots tonight. For context I have an essay due tomorrow.
-I want you to take a picture of Quintin Tarantino in person because he simply CANNOT look that weird in real life
-you’ve got like 50 feet of intestines, right? You could definitely do a couple laps around a tree with them
-*is making an alignment chart of writers that we’ve covered in class and whether we could take them in a fight and if we’d feel good about it*
-i wanna kill everything or die, I don’t know, I’m sad
-he seems like the kind of professor who would make us fill out the course evals in class
-he has abs, what do you think we were doing?
-Here in this house we stand for the flag. The flag being Bucky Barnes in the first Captain America movie, greasy and sweaty and freshly tortured
-I’m just trying to enjoy my shitty Busch light and you bring me Charles LeClerc with his legs spread
-if I got cancer my private snap story would become an inspirational story and that sounds like a lot of pressure
-college is just progressively caring less about people seeing what you’re doing on your computer in class. I’m texting, I’m on Doordash, I’m on Shein, I’m on Tinder, I do not give a fuck
-got stacks on stacks on stacks, baby I clear the racks
Nice, Dr. Suess, get it!
I was referencing a rap over Gimme More by Britney Spears, but sure
-if doing drugs and fucking raw in pools in front of everyone is what adult producers think eleventh graders are up to these days then someone needs to tell them
-I’d fuck to the Gravity Falls theme
-you missed the professor’s Coin Jar Day and his annual discussion of child marriage
