GET IN OR GET LOST

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[burnedpower]

@universally-normal​

“A.”

“—-matt likes you. really likes you. and yes - this is going to be the first conversation i have with you.”

[universally-normal]

“…”

“Who are you?”

[burnedpower]

many responses. he had many responses to that. ranging from sarcastic, to sweet, to just plane emotionless. which did he go for? 

“Beyond.” the boring one.

[universally-normal]

Well shit. This was not what he expected. Not now. He didn’t know enough about B to give a proper reaction. Should he be happy? Sad? Angry? Relieved? He was a mix of it all. 

“Did Matt send you or did you find me on your own?” He knew Matt already. Which... was also not what he was expecting.

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

“answer me honestly.” he began; if orin couldn’t tell that this was difficult for matt, then he was more unobservant than a dog that had just caught sight of another dog. he sighed; “i haven’t had much luck, relationship wise. friendship or partner. do you think that’s a GOOD thing? you know what happened with B, with Tate; i contribute to a cycle that makes everything WORSE. and neither i or the other person ends up better by the end of it. it would be BETTER for others to simply not get involved with me… right? and this is not a pity thing. it’s a genuine concern.”

Not what he was expecting.

“You did good with Steph.” Orin finally looked to Matt properly, studying him, getting a good read for what was going on in his head. “Genuinely… you are not always the problem. Sure, sometimes, you’ve made mistakes that have cost a relationship. Other times, it was something or someone else entirely. There is no cycle. Especially not now. You’ve changed. Especially in the last century or so… you’ve changed a lot.” He took a deep breath, tilting his head to the side and narrowing his eyes at him. “Your concern is valid, though. With everything you’ve been through… I understand. But I don’t think it would be good for you, or anyone else, to cut yourself off from others out of fear. There is beauty in risk.”

mistakes that cost a relationship - he knew exactly what mistakes could cost a relationship, but that part of himself was who he was. but; that wasn’t the only thing he picked up from those words. in the last century, he had changed. something that he hadn’t expected to hear the man say. it wasn’t as though matt had worked hard on any kind of change in the last century - except for currently, that was (something that he wanted to keep from orin, for now) - but the idea that he truly had been changed by some of his encounters. at least, he was developing. somehow.

“right.” he said, after a few moments. “yeah- that helps. thanks.” 

it was rare that matt leaned on people. now he was doing it with both Adonis and Orin. strange.

[universally-normal]

“Whoever it is... they’re lucky.” Orin may not know a lot about what Matt has been up to, or who he’s been around, or even what was truly going on in his head. But he knew the look. The concerns. That feeling. The signs were clear enough. He didn’t need to know who. Matt cared. That was enough for now. Even if Matt didn’t know he cared. Or didn’t want to accept it. He knew.

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

burnedpower‌:

there was a silence, and several things were going through his head. and while one stuck out among the rest, he decided to instead say something different. one with the same emotional impact behind it. because his first thought? he could not say. or even describe. 

“so you’re saying i need beyond, when he was nice?” 

“there’s only so many people i’ve connected with over the years, A. most of them are bad for me. the very few who are good, end up dying.” he still remembered inara driving the person he was in love with, to insanity, and then death. something that he still hadn’t forgiven her for. her, or orin for.

“finding a good person who can put up with me? it isn’t going to happen.”

“I’m good and I’ve put up with you.” What was he saying? Sure, that was true. But not what he meant. Was it?

“I mean… I’m no immortal but…” He sighed, trying to find the words. “What I’m trying to say is it’s already happened and can happen again.“

“right.” he said; having been vagually confused as to what he meant; but it was a good save, A. Matt brought it. with a shake of his head, he glanced back towards the TV, before waving his hand, making what he was putting the asshole through stop. “but i was the one that found you, A. because i know and remember you. i haven’t established a relationship with anyone new in years.”

[universally-normal]

“Just because you’re difficult and a little out of practice doesn’t mean you’re impossible.” He glanced to the TV, holding back a smile before focusing back onto Matt. “You have to at least try.” He needed a friend. A good friend. A had been more of his... coach? Stalker coach. Sure, he cared about him. But it was different... kind of.

[burnedpower]

@universally-normal​

“A.”

“—-matt likes you. really likes you. and yes - this is going to be the first conversation i have with you.”

[universally-normal]

“...”

“Who are you?”

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

burnedpower‌:

“topic is emotional, goo-y stuff that i’m probably not ready to trust you with.”

“I’m all ears.”

“….” well, now he didn’t know WHAT to say. fucking hell.

“answer me honestly.” he began; if orin couldn’t tell that this was difficult for matt, then he was more unobservant than a dog that had just caught sight of another dog. he sighed; “i haven’t had much luck, relationship wise. friendship or partner. do you think that’s a GOOD thing? you know what happened with B, with Tate; i contribute to a cycle that makes everything WORSE. and neither i or the other person ends up better by the end of it. it would be BETTER for others to simply not get involved with me… right? and this is not a pity thing. it’s a genuine concern.”

[universally-normal]

Not what he was expecting.

“You did good with Steph.” Orin finally looked to Matt properly, studying him, getting a good read for what was going on in his head. “Genuinely... you are not always the problem. Sure, sometimes, you’ve made mistakes that have cost a relationship. Other times, it was something or someone else entirely. There is no cycle. Especially not now. You’ve changed. Especially in the last century or so... you’ve changed a lot.” He took a deep breath, tilting his head to the side and narrowing his eyes at him. “Your concern is valid, though. With everything you’ve been through... I understand. But I don’t think it would be good for you, or anyone else, to cut yourself off from others out of fear. There is beauty in risk.”

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

burnedpower‌:

“god, you’re as bad as you were before.” bad was subjective. honestly? he was as good as he was before. and that was fucking irritating, to say the least. “you can’t equate lying to murder. they’re very different. lying can be used to KEEP SOMEONE SAFE. murder can be used to get rid of someone doing harm. they can both be seen as good. good acts. if you want to get all philosophical on me, i can do it right back, A.”

there was a pause. a sigh.

“just —- i get it. but what kind of outlet can a person like me find? it’s hard enough doing this, let alone getting frustrated with weird ass hobbies that i PROBABLY WON’T LIKE ANYWAY.”

“Not a hobby. Someone. You need someone in your life.”

“You pushed away your best friend. You’re avoiding other itselves. This entire time I haven’t seen you hang out with anyone. You don’t have a group of friends. You have the people at the beach, sure, but they don’t really count. You need a friend. A good one. Someone with similar interests who can put up with you and who you like.” 

there was a silence, and several things were going through his head. and while one stuck out among the rest, he decided to instead say something different. one with the same emotional impact behind it. because his first thought? he could not say. or even describe. 

“so you’re saying i need beyond, when he was nice?” 

“there’s only so many people i’ve connected with over the years, A. most of them are bad for me. the very few who are good, end up dying.” he still remembered inara driving the person he was in love with, to insanity, and then death. something that he still hadn’t forgiven her for. her, or orin for.

“finding a good person who can put up with me? it isn’t going to happen.”

[universally-normal]

“I’m good and I’ve put up with you.” What was he saying? Sure, that was true. But not what he meant. Was it?

“I mean... I’m no immortal but...” He sighed, trying to find the words. “What I’m trying to say is it’s already happened and can happen again."

[burnedpower]

@universally-normal​ || matt wants his dad

“hey. asshole.” because despite it all, he still wasn’t going to give orin the satisfaction of an ENTIRELY pleasant conversation. not after he was fucked around - again, by the guy. “can we talk?”

[universally-normal]

“…”

“Depends on the topic.”

[burnedpower]

“topic is emotional, goo-y stuff that i’m probably not ready to trust you with.”

[universally-normal]

“I’m all ears.”

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

“Is that what you want?” 

“You’re going backwards.” He had seen it. Even when Matt thought he wasn’t looking, he was. He knew. “I’m not impatient, I’m worried. You’re giving in, sure to small stuff, but it’ll grow. You have to find a different outlet. If it’s getting harder, then you have to find different ways to fight it. Giving in will only make it worse.”

pretending not to care was usually his pride and joy. he was fully able to do that, normally. but something about all of this made everything he normally did harder than ever. he was power itself, not just some depressed addicted asshole. finding a different OUTLET? was he kidding?

“you’re such a pain in my ass.” a pain in the ass that he was grateful for, sure. but a pain in the ass all the same. matt hated this. he felt as though he was fighting HIMSELF, and while he had asked for it, asked for all of what A was doing, it still didn’t make it any easier.

what he wouldn’t give to REALLY slip back to normal, now.

“this was nothing, A. nothing compared to what i’m able to do. i can handle the odd stress reliever every now and then, playing games with the nations most annoying politician? not exactly forcing someone under water and torturing them until they drown.”

[universally-normal]

“You asked for this.” There were plenty of times he had considered why he was doing this. What he’d get out of it. What Matt was getting out of it. The answers just seemed to get blurred the longer this went on.

“And that’s a terrible excuse. Lying carries the same weight as murder. They’re both bad. They’re both evil acts. This may not be as bad as something else, but it doesn’t make it any less bad. It doesn’t make it okay. You should care about every little thing you do and how it’ll effect you or those around you. And pretending not to care doesn’t help anyone.”

[burnedpower]

“god, you’re as bad as you were before.” bad was subjective. honestly? he was as good as he was before. and that was fucking irritating, to say the least. “you can’t equate lying to murder. they’re very different. lying can be used to KEEP SOMEONE SAFE. murder can be used to get rid of someone doing harm. they can both be seen as good. good acts. if you want to get all philosophical on me, i can do it right back, A.”

there was a pause. a sigh.

“just —- i get it. but what kind of outlet can a person like me find? it’s hard enough doing this, let alone getting frustrated with weird ass hobbies that i PROBABLY WON’T LIKE ANYWAY.”

[universally-normal]

“Not a hobby. Someone. You need someone in your life.”

“You pushed away your best friend. You’re avoiding other itselves. This entire time I haven’t seen you hang out with anyone. You don’t have a group of friends. You have the people at the beach, sure, but they don’t really count. You need a friend. A good one. Someone with similar interests who can put up with you and who you like.” 

[burnedpower]

@universally-normal​ || matt wants his dad

“hey. asshole.” because despite it all, he still wasn’t going to give orin the satisfaction of an ENTIRELY pleasant conversation. not after he was fucked around - again, by the guy. “can we talk?”

[universally-normal]

“...”

“Depends on the topic.”

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

“Is that what you want?” 

“You’re going backwards.” He had seen it. Even when Matt thought he wasn’t looking, he was. He knew. “I’m not impatient, I’m worried. You’re giving in, sure to small stuff, but it’ll grow. You have to find a different outlet. If it’s getting harder, then you have to find different ways to fight it. Giving in will only make it worse.”

pretending not to care was usually his pride and joy. he was fully able to do that, normally. but something about all of this made everything he normally did harder than ever. he was power itself, not just some depressed addicted asshole. finding a different OUTLET? was he kidding?

“you’re such a pain in my ass.” a pain in the ass that he was grateful for, sure. but a pain in the ass all the same. matt hated this. he felt as though he was fighting HIMSELF, and while he had asked for it, asked for all of what A was doing, it still didn’t make it any easier.

what he wouldn’t give to REALLY slip back to normal, now.

“this was nothing, A. nothing compared to what i’m able to do. i can handle the odd stress reliever every now and then, playing games with the nations most annoying politician? not exactly forcing someone under water and torturing them until they drown.”

[universally-normal]

“You asked for this.” There were plenty of times he had considered why he was doing this. What he’d get out of it. What Matt was getting out of it. The answers just seemed to get blurred the longer this went on.

“And that’s a terrible excuse. Lying carries the same weight as murder. They’re both bad. They’re both evil acts. This may not be as bad as something else, but it doesn’t make it any less bad. It doesn’t make it okay. You should care about every little thing you do and how it’ll effect you or those around you. And pretending not to care doesn’t help anyone.”

[burnedpower]

                             @universally-normal​ asked:                    “ you said you would keep trying! ” -A                                      (because relevant)

phrases that really hit you where it hurts || accepting!

there was a silence. a pang in his chest that he couldn’t quite explain. he had been trying. he had been trying his BEST. but when A was not around, it was harder. sometimes too hard, to resist the temptation to do something expressive, to give in to his own needs of having power, of using power. what had he done?

the prime minister was currently on stage, making a fool of himself.

like he needed help for that.

it was something small. something pointless, something that allowed him to give into himself for just a few moments. and he had RELISHED in it. it wasn’t the first time he had done something similar, perhaps worse. and that was where A was coming from. that was why this hurt so much. because of the absolute betrayal in his voice.

what the fuck could he say to that?

“leave then. if you’re so FUCKING impatient, if i hurt you this much when i fail. leave.”

[universally-normal]

“Is that what you want?” 

“You’re going backwards.” He had seen it. Even when Matt thought he wasn’t looking, he was. He knew. “I’m not impatient, I’m worried. You’re giving in, sure to small stuff, but it’ll grow. You have to find a different outlet. If it’s getting harder, then you have to find different ways to fight it. Giving in will only make it worse.”

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

burnedpower‌:

“like a second home.” and to be fair, that was truthful. she knew everyone who came and went. not personally, but she knew their faces. like mentioned before, she wasn’t quite the social type. but when she needed to be, she could be. glancing over to the drink, she gave a lingering pause, and a small nod. “want another drink? i’ll sneak you one. do it all the time.” yet, she always paid for them in the end. she liked it here. liked it enough to not really steal anything. what she was REALLY offering was - to buy a drink for him.

“By all means… do.” Tate propped his elbow on the bar, hand going under his chin, eyes trained on her and her alone. She was… interesting. New. Tempting. There was more to her than he was seeing, but he decided not to pry too much into her personal desires at the moment. He wanted a proper opinion of her first. Buying him a drink sent many signals, all of which he was open to. 

and with that simple approval, she slid off her seat, and moved to the end of the bar, placing her hands on the surface as she looked behind. knowing where the security camera monitors was the most important part of this all. made being a sneaky git easy to pull off. with the knowledge that the bar owners were not going to come back any time soon, she approached where the drinks were kept, and took one for herself, opening the bottle as she glanced over to tate.

“any preference, or just what you had before?”

[universally-normal]

“I never drink the same thing twice in a row. Surprise me.” Tate pulled his glass back towards him, tilting it a little and spinning it around with his fingers. He studied her, watching her every move and deciding it was time to delve a little deeper… just to get a better idea of what would make him worth her while, or vice versa. Hm. Change. Desire for change… a lot of change… time change. “So… where are you from?” 

[burnedpower]

she wasn’t exactly a master mixologist, and so, at the response, her attention turned towards the bottles in the fridge. picking out two of her favourite, she opened the cap, and slid one to tate. she debated him; his question, his entire appearance.

biting her bottom lip, she took a small sip of her drink.

to tell the truth or not. she always found that while telling the truth left her more vulnerable, it also made her easier to TRUST.

“a city just off the english coast.” she offered, pulling her shoulders up into a shrug. she suppose she was going with a LIE. “and you, tate? where’re you from?”

[universally-normal]

“Oh, uh... hm. How do I explain this...” He quickly looked around the bar and gathered a couple random things. “Well let’s say this napkin is the world. Right? Big map. We’re about... here.” He placed a salt shaker on the right side of the stretched out towel, then added a few others to mimic the other continents. “So there’s all the other places. Now... if behind the bar is north and the stage is south then...” He plucked an olive out of someone’s glass as they moved behind him, the other person not even noticing. He rose the olive above eye level between him and Tabitha. “I’m from here. A planet orbiting Earth, invisible, and technically non-existent. Beautiful place. Called... something. It has a name. I just don’t remember it currently.” He popped the olive in his mouth and smiled. 

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

He wasn’t wrong. Tate bit his bottom lip a little and leaned his head to the side, inching closer. “I’m thinking that if you were anyone else right now I’d want to test this little goodie goodie act you’re playing. Do you know how amazing it is to have all of these ideas in my head of how to pull you back into your old ways? Back to your roots? And yet painful because it’s you and the last thing I want to do is ruin your… uh… fun.”

“fun is a strong word.” with a narrow of his eyes, he had a small, unsettling feeling start building within him. he did not trust tate in the SLIGHTEST, especially now that he had said that. it was hard enough to stay on track and resist going back – temptation itself was NOT going to help him with what he wanted, and needed, to do.

“try anything, and i’m NOT going to be happy. i’m warning you now.” he gave tate a small point of a finger, motioning around his face suspiciously. “no being a dick.”

[universally-normal]

“Alright. Alright. Warning received. Loud and clear. Gotcha.” Tate rose his hands, taking a step back and giving a slight surrendering look. “Can we still hang out, though? You can pick when and where.” That way I’ll have little to no influence. “I just want to be with my bestie.”

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

burnedpower‌:

“like a second home.” and to be fair, that was truthful. she knew everyone who came and went. not personally, but she knew their faces. like mentioned before, she wasn’t quite the social type. but when she needed to be, she could be. glancing over to the drink, she gave a lingering pause, and a small nod. “want another drink? i’ll sneak you one. do it all the time.” yet, she always paid for them in the end. she liked it here. liked it enough to not really steal anything. what she was REALLY offering was - to buy a drink for him.

“By all means… do.” Tate propped his elbow on the bar, hand going under his chin, eyes trained on her and her alone. She was… interesting. New. Tempting. There was more to her than he was seeing, but he decided not to pry too much into her personal desires at the moment. He wanted a proper opinion of her first. Buying him a drink sent many signals, all of which he was open to. 

and with that simple approval, she slid off her seat, and moved to the end of the bar, placing her hands on the surface as she looked behind. knowing where the security camera monitors was the most important part of this all. made being a sneaky git easy to pull off. with the knowledge that the bar owners were not going to come back any time soon, she approached where the drinks were kept, and took one for herself, opening the bottle as she glanced over to tate.

“any preference, or just what you had before?”

[universally-normal]

“I never drink the same thing twice in a row. Surprise me.” Tate pulled his glass back towards him, tilting it a little and spinning it around with his fingers. He studied her, watching her every move and deciding it was time to delve a little deeper... just to get a better idea of what would make him worth her while, or vice versa. Hm. Change. Desire for change... a lot of change... time change. “So... where are you from?” 

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

burnedpower‌:

“don’t tempt me, buddy.” he the other man a small look. because he couldn’t lie, he was. and tate knew that, probably. likely. but he had been doing GOOD, being a good little itself, for a long while, and he had to admit, he was PROUD of himself and his progression since he was last with tate. being around this guy again…

“so… you were sent here by INARA, and you didn’t think that was planned until JUST NOW. thought you were clever, tate.” he teased. 

“Just because I’m clever doesn’t mean I’m not totally aware of the situation.” He tilted his head down slightly, smiling, thinking over something, looking off to the side, away from Matt, and then back on the other Itself. Smile still intact. “So that wasn’t exactly a no to wanting a good time…”

“big ego, as always.” he muttered under his breath; but it was a joke. a truthful one, but a joke nonetheless. he knew he could get away with comments like that without well, getting hated on.

“baaaaad tate. you’re being a sneaky shit.” he didn’t know what he was doing, what he was thinking, or what his train of thoughts were, but goddamn was he suspicious. “JUST— tell me. what’re you thinking?”

[universally-normal]

He wasn’t wrong. Tate bit his bottom lip a little and leaned his head to the side, inching closer. “I’m thinking that if you were anyone else right now I’d want to test this little goodie goodie act you’re playing. Do you know how amazing it is to have all of these ideas in my head of how to pull you back into your old ways? Back to your roots? And yet painful because it’s you and the last thing I want to do is ruin your... uh... fun.”

[burnedpower]

universally-normal‌:

burnedpower‌:

“no comment.” matt didn’t want to get into that. not a lot of people knew how close him and orin were, had been in the past, or how they were now, and the fact that tate didn’t know all about it, was a GOOD thing. he waved him off, simply giving the other a look as he moved forward. “what have YOU been up to? you disappeared for a while too.”

“Alright.” Tate made a mental note of that before sighing. At the question he bit his tongue, trying to hold back a smirk but failing entirely. He gave up and shook his head, shrugging as he pocketed his hands. “Same old, same old. Exploring. Exploiting. Indulge here. Indulge there. Got wrapped up in a little multi-verse apocalypse not too long ago. Looking for something new. Or old. Maybe I need to go back to my roots for a bit. Refresh the senses.”

“that why you’re bothin’ me? going back to your ROOTS?” because let’s face it, tate and matt had been inseparable at one point. they had all but developed each other. — yeah, it was true. matt had missed him. were they ever gonna be the same as they were before? he didn’t know. but he was damn curious to see what tate really wanted from this meeting. “anyone SPECIAL been on your radar?”

[universally-normal]

“You were a happy coincidence, actually. A very… very happy coincidence. One that I’m starting to think wasn’t as much as a coincidence as I originally thought a few seconds ago. Especially considering I think Inara was the one that pointed me in this direction. I got a note with a sunflower attached. A very magically yellow sunflower.” He paused. “I’ve got a couple on my radar. A couple very impressionable people on my radar. Why?” He paused again. “Looking for a good time?”

[burnedpower]

“don’t tempt me, buddy.” he the other man a small look. because he couldn’t lie, he was. and tate knew that, probably. likely. but he had been doing GOOD, being a good little itself, for a long while, and he had to admit, he was PROUD of himself and his progression since he was last with tate. being around this guy again…

“so… you were sent here by INARA, and you didn’t think that was planned until JUST NOW. thought you were clever, tate.” he teased. 

[universally-normal]

“Just because I’m clever doesn’t mean I’m not totally aware of the situation.” He tilted his head down slightly, smiling, thinking over something, looking off to the side, away from Matt, and then back on the other Itself. Smile still intact. “So that wasn’t exactly a no to wanting a good time...”

[burnedpower]

@universally-normal​

“–you’re new.” she had been hanging out at this bar every night for the past few years. travelling through time and space generally made her crave a bit of CONSISTENCY. so, returning to the same place over, and over, and over again, generally helped. never seen him before.

“bar staff are on break. gonna have a twenty minute break before the next drink.”

[universally-normal]

“Is new a good thing or a bad thing in your mind?” Tate smirked at the girl, studying her closely and leaning his side against the bar, turning to face her. 

[burnedpower]

“a good thing. always a good thing. love new things.” but, oh, she had entered a conversation with him now. not her intention. she didn’t particularly… play well when it came to others. well. maybe she can practice with him. “tabitha.” she introduced herself, giving a tiny smile.

[universally-normal]

“Tate.” He narrowed his eyes slightly, taking a sip of what little was left of his drink before setting it on the bar and sliding it away from him with only his index finger. “So… Tabitha… You must come here a lot to notice me, the newest person in town, and speak up about it.”

[burnedpower]

“like a second home.” and to be fair, that was truthful. she knew everyone who came and went. not personally, but she knew their faces. like mentioned before, she wasn’t quite the social type. but when she needed to be, she could be. glancing over to the drink, she gave a lingering pause, and a small nod. “want another drink? i’ll sneak you one. do it all the time.” yet, she always paid for them in the end. she liked it here. liked it enough to not really steal anything. what she was REALLY offering was - to buy a drink for him.

[universally-normal]

“By all means... do.” Tate propped his elbow on the bar, hand going under his chin, eyes trained on her and her alone. She was... interesting. New. Tempting. There was more to her than he was seeing, but he decided not to pry too much into her personal desires at the moment. He wanted a proper opinion of her first. Buying him a drink sent many signals, all of which he was open to.