summary: in which an artist and a singer fall in love, where notebooks are revealed and kisses are shared.
word count: 691 words
author’s note: my first fic! super super nervous and idk if i like this one anymore but im still sharing it! I HATE DOING SUMMARIES anyways i tried to make it as neutral as possible, so everyone can read it! so so sorry if there are any mistakes. ib and dt to @the-wolf-moon-diaries ! their work is so amazing so go and read it! again this is my first ever time posting my work on here so please be gentle with me <33
it wasn’t a secret that seth was an artist. it wasn’t a surprise, seeing that he was always doodling in class and had numerous paintings and scratch piece of papers that filled every blank space on the walls of his home. sometimes, he would give you a glimpse into his world and show you his current pieces and doodles, and sometimes, he didn’t. not when it came to the red leather sketchbook that he carried with him practically everywhere. he never let you sneak a glance, moving the notebook with a teasing smile before you can lean over. you always wonder what was in that red leather sketchbook of his.
and then you saw it.
inside that red leather sketchbook, the pages were filled with sketches and drawings of you. sketches of your hands, your eyes, your lips fill the empty spaces of his notebook as he daydreams during class. on all of his school handouts and homework, there is at least one drawing of a facial feature that none of the teachers could decipher until they saw him with you. it all made sense when he was next to you, and his eyes were filled with such a soft look that the teachers can only describe as one thing: love.
throughout his sketchbook, there are sketches of you smiling, laughing, napping during class… once you open this journal, you are astonished. he captures you beautifully in a light that you couldn't possibly see yourself in. of course, seth is flushed with embarrassment when you find it, snatching it out of your hands and slamming it shut. but, his embarrassment slowly fading away as you wrap your arms around his neck, smiling uncontrollably, and kiss him with the lips that he’s drawn and dreamt about a million times. “they’re beautiful. can i see more?”
while much a surprise to him, after you found his sketchbook, you reach over to your backpack and pull out a blue hardcover journal filled with songs. songs that were about you. about your life. but, a majority of the songs were about him. about you guys. of course, seth always knew you were a singer-songwriter, but he never could've fathomed that some of the songs you were writing were about him. that any of your songs were about him. and as he read through the songs, whether they were short stanzas or lengthy pieces, he read every single lyric and engraved them into his heart. he felt his heart pour out of his body and into the hands of the angel of a person sitting next to him nervously.
from that moment on, he knew that his heart wasn’t his. he was fully aware that his heart didn’t belong to him anymore. instead, it fell right out of his chest into the hands of the person, if not an angel, sitting right next to him with a nervous furrow of their eyebrows as they watched him carefully. his heart belonged to y/n y/l/n, and he wouldn’t want it any other way.
after much silence and anticipation, your mind was swarming with uneasy and nerve-wracking thoughts. was it too much? does he think it’s weird? am i going to lose the only boy that will ever love me? you were brought back to reality once you saw seth turn and face you. when you looked up, you were instantly struck and overwhelmed by the loving and soft gaze he had in his eyes and that oh-so-handsome grin that adorned his face. you were taken aback when he all but pounced onto you, pressing firm but soft kisses all over your face. you were more surprised by the question that followed. “will you play one for me?”
it was the first time that you ever played a song for him, but after that, it was not the last. you go to him every time you write a new song, whether or not it’s about him, and every time you do, he always looks at you with those starstruck eyes that make you float. he will forever and always be your number-one fan, just like how you are his.
Hi! Now would be a good time to reread the previous part and remind yourself where you left off. Part 13 will be posted this weekend! (Either fri or sat) Thank you for being patient with me! 🩷
Summary: Peter's on the verge of losing you after disappointing you yet again.
masterlist
He didn’t show, the night was over and Peter was nowhere to be found.
You tried your best to mask your disappointment with a tall face as all the attendees started to trickle out of your college’s art exhibit, a handful of them congratulating and complimenting you on your artwork as they passed you.
It wasn't until you saw May walking towards you with a sympathetic look on her face that you felt your facade falter, “I’m so sorry darling,” she said as she brought you into a hug squeezing you.
“It’s fine, May. Thank you for coming, I really appreciate it.” You give her a sad smile pulling away from her. You take a deep breath, “May…I hate to do this but do you think I could get a raincheck on dinner tonight? I just want to go home.”
There’s a visible look of sadness on her face but she nods, “Of course you can, it’s beautiful by the way,” she says, angling her body to face your painting.
You mimic her actions, giving your painting a one over, “Thanks, I wasn’t sure about letting them display it when my art professor–she's the director of the exhibit asked. But I’m glad I did, a lot of people seemed to like it.”
“I can see why!” She exclaims.
Just as you were about to speak, the voice of your professor cut through all the chatter, “Ladies and gentlemen the art exhibit is now closing! Please make your way to the exit!”
You motion for her to follow you as you head to the doors. “How are you getting home? I could give you a ride,” she questioned. You shake your head, "I don’t think I can be around a Parker right now, at least not without wanting to cry.”
She frowns upon hearing your words, “Oh.” You push and hold the door open for her, “I know this is an unfair thing to ask of you but can you tell Peter I don’t want to hear from him anymore?”
May freezes the second she makes it outside, fully processing what you just said, “I’m sure he’s sorry–” She’s trying to save him, you both know she is. “I’m sure he is but I’m not interested in hearing his poor excuse of an apology. He knew how important this was to me and he said he’d be here, but he’s not. There’s only so many times you can let a person disappoint you, May.” Your eyes well with tears as you think back to telling him about being a part of the exhibit and how he added opening night to the calendar on his phone as well as the one that hung in his room, even going as far as drawing a heart around the square.
Cars start to whizz by as the traffic light turns green and you let out a defeated sigh, opening your arms to hug her goodbye, “It’s getting late and I don’t want to miss the train, you should head home too.” This time she hugs you tightly, “Give me a call when you get home, alright?”
You nod your head in response, “Thank you for coming, it means a lot to me. Have a goodnight and drive safe, okay?” Her hold on you gets even tighter, mumbling a goodnight to you before releasing you.
She stands still and watches you disappear down the street before pulling her phone out, attempting to reach Peter herself and when she's unable to, she leaves him a devastating voicemail, a voicemail he wouldn't hear until thirty minutes later when he was stood in front of ESU’s now dark and empty art center.
“...She said doesn’t want to hear from you anymore and honestly? I don’t blame her. She watched the door all night for you. All night, Peter, all night! She looked so heartbroken. She was trying her best to hide it but that look on her face, it was soul-crushing. I think this is it for you, ‘there are only so many times you can let a person disappoint you’ those were her exact words. She’s disappointed in you and frankly so am I, I didn’t raise you to act like this. You fucked up big time, there’s no point in sugarcoating it. I adore that girl and I know you do too but you’re losing her…”
Peter could feel the panic rising in his chest as he listened, the thought of losing you made his stomach churn. There's a slight shake in his hand as he presses his phone to his ear, his breath is caught in his throat as he waits for the calls to start ringing, praying you hadn’t blocked him. A sigh of relief escapes his mouth when it does but when the rings halt and his phone buzzes with a text message from you, he could feel all the air leave his lungs.
Sorry, I can’t talk right now.
Peter rushes to text you back; I’m so sorry honey.
He can see that you read his message but when you don't respond, he sends you another, and another, and another.
May left me a voicemail
I know I fucked up
And that I keep fucking up
But I can fix it
Can we please talk?
A spark of hope ignites within him as he watches the three dots appear on the screen but the feeling dwindles once he reads your message; It’s late, I’m tired and I don't want to hear or see you, please just leave me alone.
Peter goes to respond but another message appears in the chat informing him that you had silenced your notifications. His eyes never leave the screen, reading and rereading all the texts you’d sent him throughout the night, heart getting heavier and heavier with every message. He knows he should just listen and let you be but he goes against your wishes and sends one last message, I love you, I’m sorry.
—————————————
The sound of your phone ringing slices through the noise of the hand mixer you were using and the crinkles of the paper bag your cat was playing with. You glance at the screen, eyes scanning the contact name before turning off the mixer, answering the call, and bringing it up to your ear, “Hello?”
“Hello sweetheart, how are you feeling today?” Your elderly neighbor’s voice comes through clearly on the other end. A sigh leaves your lips, “Better, better than yesterday at least, I’m trying to keep myself occupied…giving baking a shot.” She hums in response, “Listen dear…I hate to be the bearer of bad news but he’s here.”
Your eyebrows knit together, “What do you mean?”
“That boy of yours. I’ve been watching him, he’s been standing at the door for the past half an hour.” You walk into the living room and over to the window, peeking through the blinds and sure enough there he was standing in front of the door of the duplex with his head hung low. “Do you want me to shoo him away? My grandson left his toy gun here the other day, you know the one with the foam bullets…I’ll take him out for you, sweetheart.”
Despite being amused by her words, a frown forms on your face, “Stand down, Mrs. Temple. I’ll handle him.”
“Alright, but if he gives you any trouble just let me know. I’ll give him hell.” Her soft voice now stern, “I know you will, remember how you asked me for his number last night cause you wanted to cuss him out?” You can hear her let out a huff on the other end before exclaiming, “He made you cry! I should go out there and jam my knitting needle through his eye.”
“That won’t be necessary, I’ll just tell him to leave and everything will be fine. And oh! Before I forget, do you like funfetti cake? I’ll bring it up for you and Mr.Temple a few slices when it's done.”
“We’d love that!”
The two of you exchange goodbyes and end the call. You take a second to collect yourself, taking a deep breath before opening the window, “What are you doing here?”
His head darts up, “Honey,” the sound of his voice catches the attention of your cat, who jumps on the windowsill to see him. He turns his entire body in your direction, digging his hands further into the pockets of his jacket, “Can we talk, please?”
You shake your head, “I meant what I said, Peter, I don't want to see you. Just go home.”
He opens his mouth to protest but you’re quick to shut the window and draw the blinds close. You walk back into the kitchen, glancing over your shoulder expecting to see your cat following close behind but much to your surprise, he’s waiting by the door. The sight made your heart hurt, “Snaps… I’m sorry buddy but he’s not coming.”
—————————————
Disaster.
That’s exactly how you’d describe the state of your kitchen. Your sink was piled high with mixing bowls and baking pans but it was all worth it once you added the final dusting of rainbow sprinkles to the frosted cake.
“Okay, Snaps, the cake is done, emergency chocolate chip cookies are in the oven. How do we feel about Coming to America tonight?” You ask aloud as you slice into the cake.
You look up at him perched on the windowsill, head poking around the blinds to watch the rain pour outside.“I’m going to run upstairs, you stay he–” you’re cut off by your ringtone, “Hey Mrs. Temple, I was just about to bring some cake up for you guys.”
“He’s still here, dear.” Her words made you feel uneasy, “He came back?”
“I’m not sure he ever left….he’s just sitting there.” You rush over to the window, pulling the blinds back, squinting your eyes trying to catch a glimpse of him on the stoop. “Oh my god! Can I call you back?” You didn't wait for her reply before ending the call.
You can feel your chest tighten as you leave your apartment and make the short walk to the building’s entryway. You inhale sharply before opening the door, to reveal Peter scrabbling to his feet. The rain mercilessly beats against his already drenched skin, he looks completely exhausted. “Hi,” his voice comes out as a whisper.
“Are you out of your fucking mind? Do you have any idea of how sick you'll get?” You scold him, stepping aside and opening the door wider for him to enter.
“I’m sorry,” he croaks out as he follows closely behind into your apartment, you ignore his words and the way Snaps starts to nuzzle against Peter’s leg only to pull away when he feels the cold and wet fabric of Peter’s jeans, “Go warm up in the shower, I’ll bring you a towel and some clothes,” you say walking into your bedroom.
You search through your drawer for something warm, eventually settling on a pair of flannel pajamas bottoms he’d left at your place for the nights he slept over, the sweatshirt you’d slept in the night before, and a pair of your fuzzy socks he stole from you.
You use your knuckle to knock on the bathroom door, “Peter? I’m coming in,” you said, turning the handle. “No, wait!” Peter calls out but he’s too late, you’ve already seen it. His suit.
“What the fuck!” Your eyes go wide as you scan the spider symbol on his chest.
Peter freezes, paralyzed by fear, this was not how you were supposed to find out. “It’s not what it looks like!” he blurts out, voice laced with panic. He watches your shoulder slump back and your eyes well with tears, you’ve never felt worse.
“Please, don’t cry. I can explain–” the sound of the oven’s timer going off causes you to shift your focus, shoving the towel in his hands. “I laid some clothes out for you,” was all you said before hurrying towards the kitchen.
—————————————
You were sprawled out on the couch, staring at the ceiling trying to make sense of it all. Every moment you spent with Peter replaying over and over again in your head, mentally berating yourself for not piecing everything together sooner. All the cuts and bruises you’ve cleaned and iced, the dates he missed ‘cause he ‘lost track of time’, every question he’d answer vaguely or just flat out avoid, every question you wanted to ask but held your tongue afraid you would come off as pushing or invasive and he’d leave.
The sound of the bathroom door opening and closing followed by Peter’s faint footsteps and a soft meow causes you to shut your eyes, bracing yourself for the impending conversation to be had. You listened intently as his steps got closer and closer until they stopped right in front of the couch, you had a feeling he was standing over you and your suspicions were confirmed when a droplet of water falling onto your forehead caused you to open your eyes.
The sight of Peter cradling Snaps like a baby immediately comes into view, “Sorry about that,” he says, shifting your cat to support him with just one arm, and using his now free hand to wipe your forehead.
“It’s fine,” you mumble, sitting up and scooting over, patting the spot next to you.
An awkward silence falls over the room, neither of you not knowing where to begin, “Thank you for doing this– for letting me in.” Your leg bounces as you try to work up the nerve to finally address the elephant in the room, opening your mouth to speak but shutting it when no words seem to come out until, “So…you’re Spider-Man?”
Peter swallows thickly, “I am.”
“Oh,” you say nervously fiddling with your fingers, “I guess it makes sense.”
“It does?”
You shrug your shoulders, “The longer I think about it…yeah. I’ve always assumed that whoever was under the mask was too smart and too courageous for their own good, no one fits that description better than you. And then there's every single injury you’ve ever had ever, no one trips and falls that many times, Pete.”
He was just about to say something until he hears you, whispering to yourself under your breath, “I can’t believe I dated a superhero.”
“Dated?” He repeats back your use of past tense only adds to the unsettling feeling in his chest, you were giving up on him and he deserves it.
You hum in response, “I know May told you what I said– about there only being a certain amount of times you can let someone disappoint you, and you are way past your limit. I think it’s better if we both just accept this is how things were meant to be. Look you can stay tonight but I think it’s best that in the morning all we are is strangers.” Your voice wavers at the end and it makes his heart plummet.
Tears pool in his eyes, “S-strangers?”
He shakes his head repeatedly, “No, no, no. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go–”
You furrow your brows at him, “And how exactly was this supposed to go?”
He hangs his head, glancing down at the cat looking back at him, Snaps stretches his paw out to touch his face, “We were supposed to talk it through, I went to the show- I bought flowers, they’re in my bag they're probably ruined now but I have them! I was going to tell you about being Spider-Man but then you weren’t there so I came here.”
“Me knowing about Spider-Man doesn’t really change anything.”
“It doesn’t?”
“I guess It does-” he picks his head up as the words leave your mouth but it is quick to drop it again when you finish your speaking, “-just not in the way it counts.”
“Oh,” he can feel his entire body deflate, “What does that mean?”
You let out a defeated sigh, “It means I understand why you were always running late or missing dates completely, and why you’ve shown up here sometimes looking as good as dead.”
“But…?”
“But it changes nothing about us, our relationship has never been a priority–”
He’s quick to cut you off, “That’s not true.”
“But it is, Peter. You’ve had a million chances to prove otherwise and you haven’t. I love you-”
“I love you too.”
“-but I can’t keep doing this, I don’t have it in me anymore,” you wipe away the tears that start to roll down your cheeks. “You just aren’t reliable, Peter.”
“What if I could be reliable? Give you stability?”
“Peter we’ve already been down this road before–”
“It’s different this time,” he insists, “I haven’t been able to balance being me and being Spider-Man, I’ve lost so much because being Spider-Man has completely dictated my life and I was fine with it because all heroes have to make sacrifices but none of it is worth it if it means I lose you too.”
Snaps wiggles out of Peter’s arms and onto the floor, giving Peter the chance to grab ahold of your hands, “I can be both and also give you stability, you deserve better and I’ll do everything I can to be better. I don’t want to lose you, Honey, I don’t. Please, let me show that I can be reliable–that our relationship is a priority.”
Your silence is deafening, you do your best to avoid Peter’s pleading eyes as you weigh options,
“Parker, I swear to fucking god you better pray your lucky number is a million and one because this is the last time I’m ever doing this with you.”
He perks up immediately, eyes glistening as he processes what you said. His mouth opens but you start to speak before he’s able to get a word out, “If we’re doing this then there's a few rules I’d like to set and they’re all non-negotiable.”
“Lay it on me.”
“Date night. Twice a month, no expectations. I don’t care if we go out or stay in, I just want a couple of nights off with my boyfriend. You flake, you’re out. Got it? ”
“Got it.”
“Wait, that made me feel like a bitch, to clarify that doesn’t apply to serious situations. I’m not going to stop you from helping or anything like that, I just want two nights out of the month reserved specifically for us.”
“I knew what you meant,” Peter reassures.
“Could you call or text me when you get home after you’re done with Spider-Man stuff? I’d like to know you’re safe.”
“Consider it done. Can I add a rule of my own?”
“Go for it.”
“Can you leave one of the windows in the bedroom unlocked for me? Since you know now I figured I could come over right after patrol and skip the whole ‘changing in an alley somewhere’ part.”
“I can do that.”
You stand up and start walking to the kitchen, “This isn’t a rule, it's a favor but could you run this up to Mrs.Temple? And before you ask, yes you can have some.”
Peter trails behind you, eyes sparkling when he finally sees the baked goods on your countertop. “God, I love you,” he says, giving you a wet kiss on the cheek.
—————————————
Peter’s knuckles knocked against the door, he could hear shuffling around the room before the door opened revealing Mrs. Temple with a big smile plastered on her face.
“Oh it’s you,” she says, her smile faltering.
He holds out the plastic cake dish for her to take, “Uh yeah, Y/n’s asked me to bring some cake up for you guys.”
“Mmmhm…I heard what happened,” she eyed him up and down, “and by the looks of you being here, I assume my sweet girl forgave your ass?”
Peter nods, “She did–”
“We’ll I’m glad things worked out,” she steps closer, poking him in the chest with her finger, “But if you ever make my baby cry again, it will be the last thing you ever do.” She takes the dish from his hand, her next words were lower than a whisper, “I know a guy.”
“Well, you and Y/n have a goodnight, tell her I’ll give her a call in the morning,” she adds before retreating back into her apartment.
“I don't think I’ve ever been more terrified of an elderly woman than I was just now,” were the first words to leave his mouth the second he returned to your apartment.
“Oh god, did she threaten to shoot you?”
His eyes bulged out of his head, “She has a gun?”
You wave his question off, “No it's just a Nerf gun.”
His mouth forms into an ‘O’, “so the implication that she could put out a hit on me was a bluff?”
“No, she really does know a guy, he’s nice.”
—————————————
Extra:
Your head rested against Peter’s chest, the soft thumping of his heart mixed with his hand rubbing your back made your eyelids feel heavier.
“Pete?”
He grunted in response.
“Why didn’t you go home? When I told you earlier?”
“Home is where the heart is.”
You pretend to gag at his statement, “That was too cheesy, even for you.”
“It’s not cheesy, it's the truth and it’s endearing.”
SYNOPSIS‧₊˚ Reader also gets bit by a radioactive spider a bit later and goes through sensory overload during school, Peter comforts them through it.
WARNINGS(S)‧₊˚ Sensory overload
| masterlist | (requests open) (PLS REQUESTT) |
You gave the person behind you ten seconds to stop clicking their pen right behind your head. When you got to ten, you turned around to tell them to stop, but it wasn't them. Confused, you looked around, still hearing the sound, but the person behind you was asleep.
Your breathing quickened when it continued. Other sounds started to force their way through your ears. Someone was drumming their nails on the desk, the crinkling of a water bottle. Your breathing quickened when it continued, the ticking of the clock, then, worst of all, the bell.
The bell was defining. It rang through your ears aggressively, signaling it was time to leave and leaving you to stumble through the door.
The world was too loud, you could hear way too much. Every heartbeat, every whisper, every breath, every footstep, and more traveled through your senses at once.
Thump.
You covered your ears and could feel the tears in your eyes despite them being clenched shut. It was overwhelming your senses. Your heartbeat the fastest of them all. You could hear the blood rushing through your head and body.
The fly was buzzing across the hall, the sound of the lightbulb as the energy zapped rapidly, every footstep, every scratch, every heartbeat, every breath, every-
"Hey," a panicked voice stood out in the sea of noises. You tried to calm down, not wanting any attention, but you couldn't steady your breathing; it was out of control.
Scratch.
The feeling of hands on your shoulders shook you into a panicked state, the friction against your clothing onto your skin felt suffocating.
Thump
"Hey, it's ok," It was the voice again. Attempting to steady your breathing, you listened the best you could, "I know it's hard, and it feels like everything is overwhelming, but I need you to focus on my voice."
You clenched your fists, trying your hardest to focus.
Tick, tick, tick…
"Please," they said, pulling your hands out of their clenched form and holding them lightly. "Focus on me, find my heartbeat." They brought your hand to their chest.
The second your hand touched their chest, you felt everything inside: heartbeat, breathing, the blood running through their veins, everything. You couldn't do it. The best you could do was shake your head. You couldn't; there were too many people, too many sounds, too many everything.
"You need to focus, their voice grew desperate. "You can feel everything, and I know, but your hand is directly on my heart, find it and focus, it'll help."
In all of the chaos going on inside your head, you directed all your energy to your palm through your pounding headache. You had to find it, to focus.
Tick, tick…
Scratch…
Buzz…
Thump,
Thump, There.
The fight to slow down your breathing became easier every time you sensed a beat.
"That's it," you then recognized the voice as Peter. "Stay focused on my heart."
You would never tell him, but his voice calmed you down more than the sound of his heart ever could.
"Breathe with me." He whispered, “You can open your eyes, the lights are off.”
The thought of opening your eyes terrified you, to go through the same thing again. You shook your head slowly in protest, trying to keep the composure you fought so hard to gain.
You felt a hand cup over your eyes, "Start small."
Your eyelashes brushed Peter's palm as you opened your eyes, through a small crack of his fingers, you could see his brown eyes full of concern. How did he know what to do? So many questions filled your brain as you became more aware of your surroundings. You were in a dark and empty classroom.
Peter noticed that you were trying to look around, "I'm gonna bring my hand down."
You nodded, and he took it down slowly. His eyes met yours in the dark. His hair was slightly messed up. His facial expression was twisted into something you've never seen on him, before you could figure it out, he looked down.
You almost laughed at the possibility of someone walking in and seeing this; they would definitely get the wrong idea. But your smirk fell once you followed Peter's gaze to his now bloody shirt.
You looked down at your palms, and blood flowed out of indents made by your nails. You didn't notice that you were crying until he brought his hand to your face to wipe your cheek. Looked up again, his face read all of the unanswered questions you had. "Later," he dismissed it. "The nurse is out so let's get this clean,” he touched your palm softly.
You didn't like the way his voice spoke to you like you were about to break. You hated seeming vulnerable, but you do owe it to Peter for helping you. You didn't know what you would have done without him. You appreciated it so you said nothing while he pulled out a small kit from his backpack, unraveling the supplies.
"Breathe for this," he warned. The cleansing wipe was centimeters away from your skin, and you nodded.
It stung, but you were too exhausted to show it, the earlier events taking its toll on you. Peter cleaned the small indents out like he had years of experience doing this with unusual gentleness.
When he was done, it seemed like he wanted to say something. You nodded your head to encourage him to speak up.
"Do you- Do you want to talk about it?"
You eyes snapped to his, “No," but he gave you an unconvinced look back. You took a deep breath and looked at him, your voice trembling slightly, "Yeah, I think I do. It's just… I don't even know where to start. It's like everything suddenly became too much, and I couldn't handle it."
Peter nodded, understanding, and put away the first aid kit. He sat down beside you, and you felt a sense of comfort in his presence. "It's something I went through a while ago," he admitted gently. That sentence left you with so many questions, but you decided against asking them at the moment. As you sat there in the dimly lit classroom, you couldn't help but feel more than grateful for Peter. He had a way of calming you down and making you feel safe that didn't make any sense. The episode had left you drained, but you knew you weren't alone, and you didn't have to face it all by yourself.
A comfortable silence washed over the dark room as you leaned on his shoulder, falling into a comfortable sleep.
Summary: You meet Sirius and Regulus at a family vacation in the Caribbean, but things don't go as planned and you end up losing contact once the trip is over. Years later your family moves to England and you get accepted at Hogwarts where you finally meet Sirius once again, along with all of his friends. One of them with a mysterious secret, that you'll uncover as you embark on your own Hogwarts adventure. Mostly canon-compliant.
This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.
Read Gilded Constellations on AO3
Paring: Sirius Black x Reader / Remus Lupin x reader / Wolfstar x reader
Chapter average: 5k - 6.5 k
Content: Smut in later chapters, Poly!Marauders, throuple, graphic descriptions of violence, MAJOR and minor character death (this is The Marauders Era guys, you know), jealousy, angst, pining, love triangle, LGBTQ+ themes, The Wizarding war 1.0, implied child abuse, possible proofreading errors, mental health struggles, hurt no comfort, hurt with comfort, period typical attitude, first war with Voldemort, canonical character's death, fluff, Requited Love, F/M/M, mostly canon-compliant.
Status: Ongoing
PLAYLIST
01 | Summer Breeze
02 | Escape
03 | Bitter Sweet Symphony
04 | Rainy Days and Mondays
05 | Good times
06 | Crazy Little Thing Called Love
07 | Peaceful Easy Feeling
08 I Fooled Around and Fell in Love
09 | The Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke
10 | Black Dog
11 | Do Ya
12 | You really got me
13 | Rebel, Rebel
14 | Maybe I’m Amazed
15 | No One Like You
Interlude (Q&A Event)
16 | Boogie Wonderland
17 | Tonight’s What It Means To Be Young
18 | Friends will be Friends
19 | Silver Bird
20 | Bad Moon Rising
21 | TBD (29.11.2023)
22 |
23 |
24 |
25 |
26 |
27 |
28 |
29 |
30 |
31 |
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BONUS TRACKS:
Your Theories, The Note, The Costumes, Sirius and the Chimney,
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A/N: Most Poly!Marauders fics are oneshots, where the relationship between characters is already established, and they're all happy and pleased with it. No issues, no drama, but I WANTED the drama. Couldn't find it, so I set myself up to write the story behind the stablished relationship. I wanted to know how they started dating each other, the jealousy, the will they won't they, because getting into a poly relationship can't be an easy task, and I wanted to explore that story. If you're interested: Welcome to Gilded Constellations!
no remus in this part :( he’ll be back in part 13 also this is literally just a filler chapter all about james lol if you don’t care about his thoughts/feelings you can just skip to the end bc that’s the most important part lols
Twelve days. It’s been twelve whole days since James has seen you; or even heard from you for that matter. Thirteen, if you count the day of the Yule Ball, which he does, because he only got to speak with you for all of thirty seconds before you were whisked away to dance Remus. Then JJ. Then Charles, and Logan. Brennan, Jacob, Vincent. For fuck’s sake, you even danced with Barty for a bit. Fucking Barty!
Not that he blames him, or any of them really. You were a vision that night, of course every bloke would wanna dance with you. James understood. He also understood that as much as he wanted to spend the night partying with his best friend, he should just let you have your fun. Heaven knows you deserved it.
He had told himself that he’d be able to see you the following morning at breakfast. So you can imagine his surprise when your dorm mates told him you had already left; that you were gone when they woke up.
James originally shrugged it off, packing his trunks and boarding the Hogwarts Express with the rest of the marauders, but when he stopped by your house later that day, you weren’t there. Neither were your parents, or your cat. The house was completely empty. James frowned the whole way home, wondering where you could be and most importantly, why you didn’t tell him. After all, you’re best friends, right? If you were going somewhere, surely you would have told him ahead of time… Right?
That was the first day of James’ holiday from hell because when he stopped by the following afternoon, you still weren’t home. And you haven’t been every day since. And James feels like he’s losing his mind. He writes to you but his owl always brings the letter back, he calls you and the phone just rings, he asks the other marauders but they haven’t heard from you either.
“Boys!” Euphemia calls from the foot of the stairs. “Breakfast!”
She waits until she hears the footsteps of James and Sirius running down the hallway before heading towards the kitchen.
“Good morning.” She greets with a smile before taking a sip of her tea.
“Morning!” Sirius smiles, already piling food onto his plate.
“Anything?” James asks, eyes full of hope as he looks at his mum.
“No,” She shakes her head softly. “Sorry lovie. Maybe tomorrow.”
James sighs, shoulders dropping in defeat as he nods his head.
“She’s fine, Prongs.” Sirius assures him.
“How do you know that?” James asks with a frown.
“Mm.” Sirius hums, quickly swallowing his food. “Because we would’ve heard otherwise if she wasn’t.”
James stares blankly at his friend.
“Think about it.” Sirius insists. “If she were hurt, or in danger, or even dead, her parents would tell us. We’re her best friends. The fact that they haven’t, means that there isn’t anything worth reporting. Sometimes no news is good news.”
James covers his face with hands and lets out a deep, annoyed sigh.
“What?” Sirius asks, with a careless shrug.
“Can you just shut up?” James asks, “You’re pissing me off.”
“How am I-“
“James!” Fleamont interrupts, holding an envelope in his hand as he walks in. “You got a-“
James rushes from his seat and snatches the letter from his dad’s hand, only for his smile to drop when he sees who it’s from.
“It’s just Lily.” He grumbles, sitting back down and opening the letter.
Everyone at the table shares a look of confusion at his lack of excitement.
“What’d she say?” Euphemia asks politely. “Is she coming over tomorrow for New Year’s Eve?”
“Yeah.” James nods, folding the parchment back up. “Her and the girls are gonna hang out for a few hours before going back home.”
“Oh. Well that’s nice.” She smiles. “I know how much you like her.”
James hesitates for a moment too long before answering.
“Yeah…” He nods with a timid smile, finally starting to dig into his food. “Right.”
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As promised, the following day Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas all arrived at the Potter residence to hang out. Remus didn’t feel like making the trip, but Peter did, and with Sirius already there, James was finally able to have some fun with his friends. Well, most of them. The only person missing was you.
The group spent hours together, catching up on what they’ve done over break, playing wizards chess, and even a round of quidditch. As the sun started to set, everyone started to head back home since they all had plans to celebrate New Year’s with their families.
“Thanks for coming over.” James tells Lily as they come to a stop in front of the fireplace.
“Thanks for having me.” Lily answers with a smile before crossing her arms. “So…are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”
“What?” James asks with a forced laugh. “N-nothings wrong.”
“Oh please.” Lily rolls her eyes. “It’s like there’s been a storm cloud hanging over you all day. What’s up?”
“I just-“
“Wait, let me guess. Y/N?”
“I haven’t seen her or heard from her once since school let out.” James sighs. “We’ve never gone this long without being together. I’m worried about her.”
“I’m sure she’s fine.” Lily says, only to scoff when James rolls his eyes at her.
“Padfoot said the same thing.” He grumbles.
“Then perhaps you should listen.” Lily suggests with a sarcastic grin. “If he’s not worried, then I’m not. After all, he knows her better than I do.”
“Yeah but I know her better than anyone! And I’m telling you, she would never run off like this!” James argues.
“She’s with her family, James! That hardly counts as running off! Look, I know she’s your best friend but I think you’re overreacting. Contrary to what you might think, she does have a life outside of you. She’s allowed to go on holiday with her parents. Even more so considering the year she’s had.”
“Yeah…I guess you’re right.” James admits sheepishly.
“I know I am.” Lily nods with a laugh, to which he rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance.
Lily turns around, prepared to grab a handful of floo powder and go back home before James stops her.
“Hey, Evans. Before you go, what are the chances of you and I going out when we get back to Hogwarts?” James asks.
“Going out as in?”
“As in a date.” He nods, smile dropping when he sees Lily grimace.
“Look, James. I’ll admit you have matured a lot. And you’re not as insufferable as I originally thought you to be, but I just don’t see you that way.” Lily tells him with a frown. “And if I’m being completely honest with you, I don’t think you see me in that way either.”
“What do you mean?” James asks with a confused frown.
“I think you know.” She says cryptically.
“No.” James shakes his head. “I really, really don’t.”
“Realistically speaking, I’m just not the type of girl that I see you with.” Lily shrugs. “I mean, you’re mischievous and loud and messy- in the best way, of course. But I…I don’t know. I guess I just always pictured you with someone who matches your energy, you know? Someone reckless and carefree and rough around the edges and shamelessly themselves. Someone like….” You immediately pop into Lily’s head and her eyes widen in realization. “Oh…my god.”
“What?” James asks, even more confused than he was a minute ago.
“Oh my god!” Lily exclaims.
“What?” James asks again, more urgently this time. “What? What is it?”
“It’s you.” Lily breathes.
Suddenly it all makes sense, why you wouldn’t tell anybody who was causing your hanahaki, why you kept saying that it didn’t matter because he, whoever he was, didn’t love you back, why James was so distraught when you were fighting, why he was always so protective over you. You love James. And Lily’s just now realized that he loves you too. Now she just needs him to realize it.
“What are you on about?” James asks in exasperation.
“James, kiss me.” Lily suddenly blurts out.
“What?!” James all but shrieks. Lily just rejected him but now she’s asking him to kiss her? How does that make any sense?
“Kiss me.” She repeats with a nod.
“I-You literally just said-“
“Oh for fucks sake! Just kiss me!” Lily shouts in annoyance.
“Okay!” James shouts back before stepping forward and placing his lips upon hers.
For years James had thought about what it’d be like to kiss Lily and now that he has, the only word that comes to mind is: lackluster. There were no sparks, no butterflies, no nerves. His heart didn’t start racing and his hands didn’t sweat. James finally did it. He finally kissed Lily and it was…disappointing. It wasn’t at all like when he-
“Oh.” He says simply, pulling away with a confused frown. He’s waited years for this. So why didn’t he feel anything?
“Not what you were expecting, right?” Lily asks softly.
James shakes his head.
“Could it be possible that you were thinking of someone else when you were kissing me just now?” She asks, a knowing twinkle in her eyes.
As soon as Lily asks that, your face flashes in his mind. He remembers years ago when you both got trapped under a mistletoe you yourselves had jinxed. He remembers the slight pang he felt in his chest when you wiped your lips on the back of your hand with a frown as you ran off. He remembers how his own lips seemed to be tingling for hours afterwards.
He remembers just two months ago when you snuck out to Hogsmeade together, and when he kissed you during the walk back to the castle. He remembers how natural it felt, how right it was, how his heart was beating so fast he thought it might jump right out of his chest. Once James remembers that, those memories, those feelings that he’s tried so hard to bury, it all makes sense.
Lily was everything that you weren’t. From her neatly combed hair to her soft eyes, and airy laugh, you two couldn’t be more different. No matter how hard you tried to tame it, your hair was always a frizzy mess. Your mascara was always the tiniest bit smudged and you have long since stopped attempting eyeliner. Your nails were nice... on the first day; but by the end of the week they’d always be chipped, more often than not from you subconsciously picking at them. Your eyes were hypnotizing. Whenever James met your gaze, it stopped him in his tracks, rendering him speechless; unable to walk, unable to talk, unable to do anything but stare back, absolutely captivated.
And James curses himself for not noticing it sooner, for not noticing you sooner. Lily was the safe route, but James didn’t want safe. He wanted you. You with your mischievous smile and boisterous laugh. You who always has a cut or bruise somewhere on your body because of too much horsing around. You who was always up for whatever James thought of, even if the rest of the boys weren’t. You with your wild hair and smudged make up. You, you, you.
“What’s going on?” Sirius asks curiously, coming down the stairs.
“James finally realized that he’s in love with Y/N.” Lily tells him simply from her spot by the fireplace, floo powder long forgotten.
“Is he aware of the fact that she already loves somebody?” Sirius asks. He looks from Lily to James and his eyes widen. “No way.” He gasps softly. “It’s you?”
James’ legs give out and he falls to his knees when he realizes that he’s the reason for your suffering. The coughing up flowers, the vomiting, the fatigue, the weight loss, the intubation, the needles, he was the cause of it all. For months. It was him.
“Prongs!” Sirius shouts in concern. “Are you okay?”
“Oh god, what have I done?” James sniffles. “It’s all my fault.”
“No.” Sirius and Lily are quick to reassure him.
“You didn’t know.” Sirius insists.
“And she would never hold this against you.” Lily adds. “She lo-“ She cuts herself off but James knows what she was going to say regardless.
“She loves me too much.” He says with a sad shake of his head.
“Come on, Prongs. Let’s get you to bed.” Sirius offers, helping pick James off the ground. James shrugs him off before heading towards the door.
“Where are you going?” Lily calls, though he doesn’t give her an answer.
Sirius takes a step, wanting to follow after him but she grabs his arm, stopping him.
“Let’s leave him alone for a minute.” Lily suggests.
James stands on the sidewalk, staring at your house. He knows it’s empty. He knows you’re not there, but still he walks right up and rings the doorbell.
“Y/N?” James calls. “Are you home?”
He waits three minutes before ringing it a second time.
“Y/N! It’s me! It’s Jamie!” This time he steps away momentarily, peering through the window. The house is empty and engulfed in darkness, he’s just able to make out the furniture, and that’s only because he’s spent so much time here over the years.
Eyes starting to fill with tears, James walks back to the front door and starts banging on it.
“I love you!” He finally confesses, even if you aren’t there to hear it. “Y/N, please! I’m sorry! I love you!”
James leans his head on the door, finally letting the tears fall.
“I’m sorry for everything.” He sniffles. “I-I didn’t know.”
He wipes his eyes before knocking on your door once more.
“Darling, please.” He begs. “I love you.”
“Hey! What are you doing over there!”
James turns around and sees an elderly man standing on the sidewalk staring at him suspiciously.
“Oh. Hello sir.” James greets, wiping his face before walking towards the man. “Do you know the family that lives here? Do you know where they went? Or when they’ll be back?”
“They’ve been gone for weeks.” The man tells him, still eyeing him warily. “Don’t know when they’ll be back. Just asked me to water the plants for them.”
“Oh. Okay. Thank you.” James nods sadly.
The man walks across the street into his house, and James stands there for another hour before accepting defeat and walking back to his own home. When he closes the front door, Sirius and Lily are still there waiting for him.
“Prongs! You scared us, mate.” Sirius sighs in relief.
“Yeah, what hap-“
“She wasn’t there.” James says simply, not sparing either of them a glance as he climbs the stairs.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
“Move it! Out of the way! Head boy coming through! I’ll start deducting points if you don’t get the fuck out of my way!” James shouts as he makes his way through the crowd.
“Gosh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen James more excited to get to school.” Peter comments.
“That’s because he’s not excited for school, Wormtail.” Sirius corrects. “He’s excited to see his girl.”
“His girl?” Peter repeats with a confused frown.
“Have you not been paying attention at all? Y/N!”
“But she’s not his girl.” Peter argues.
“Wormtail, Wormtail, Wormtail.” Sirius sighs. “Don’t you get it? Y/N loves James. James loves Y/N. She was gone during holiday which is why they didn’t talk things out. But now that they’re both back-“
“They’re gonna get together?” Peter guesses.
“Now you’re getting it.” Sirius nods. “Now come on, I don’t wanna miss the mushy reunion.”
“Shouldn’t we wait for Moony?” Peter asks.
“If he wanted to bear witness to this monumental moment, he would have ridden the Hogwarts Express with us. We’ll just have to catch him up when he gets here.”
With that, both boys hurry to find James who had essentially left them behind in his effort to find you.
To say that James was excited would be an understatement. The final week of holiday felt so much longer now that he had realized he was in love with you. The pain he felt whenever he thought of you was immeasurable. He broke your heart. Accidentally, but he broke it all the same. And he broke his in the process. But it’s okay now, because he’s finally realized that he loves you back. James can pick up the pieces. He can mend your broken heart and you can finally, finally be together.
As if the gods knew exactly who he was looking for, there you were, making your way across the courtyard. James sees you and for a moment he forgets how to breathe. You’re just as beautiful as always, if not more so. There’s a healthy glow to you and your smile is so genuine and full of life. Did you cut your hair while you were gone? It looks a few inches shorter than he remembers. Shaking his head at himself, James takes a shaky breath before calling out to you.
“Y/N!” He shouts, getting the attention of you as well as half the students in the courtyard. You smile and tilt your head to the side in confusion as you turn to him and James absolutely beams as he makes his way towards you. He always thought your confused expression was the cutest thing he’s ever seen. The fact that from now on he’ll be able to tell you as much and kiss you senseless has his heart racing.
As soon as he reaches you, James cups your face in his hands and presses his lips firmly against yours. Tilting his head to the side, James can’t help but sigh. He kisses you and he thinks this is the closest to heaven he’ll ever get. He curses himself for denying his feelings for you as long as he did. He was a coward. He was an idiot. He wasted so much time already, he’ll be damned if he wastes one moment more. James nips at your lower lip with his teeth and that’s when you push him off of you.
“Ugh! What the hell are you doing?” You ask with a frown.
“No, Y/N. It’s okay.” James smiles, trying to take a step closer to you. “I love you now.”
“Um, okay?” You say, frown deepening as you hold your arm out, stopping him in his tracks. “Not sure if this is your first day on planet earth or what but you can’t just go around kissing people. Especially if you don’t know them!”
James’ smile drops as he registers what you’ve just told him.
“What? Darling, what are you talking about?” James asks with a confused laugh. “It’s me. It’s-“
“Petey Pie!” You exclaim, walking past James and pulling Peter into a tight hug.
“I told you not to call me that!” Peter whines, cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red at the nickname.
“Look how tall you are!” You beam, completely ignoring what he just said.
“You think so?” Peter asks with an excited grin, no longer annoyed.
“Are you kidding? Look at you!” You insist, holding your hand by your head before holding it towards him to show him the difference.
“Don’t tell him that. He’s gonna get a big head.” Sirius teases.
“No one’s head is bigger than yours, Padfoot.” You tease, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug as well. “Missed you, ya slag.”
“Watch it.” Sirius warns, pinching your side playfully. “Missed you, too.”
“Y/N-“ James tries, only to be completely ignored.
“How was your holiday?” You ask looking between Peter and Sirius.
“I got the channel F!” Peter exclaims excitedly.
“No way! The game console?” You ask, equally excited.
“Yeah!” Peter nods. “It’s so fun! You have to come over so we can play!”
“Of course!” You nod before turning to Sirius. “And how was your holiday?”
“It was…fine.” He says, looking from you to James in confusion. “I spent it James.”
You look over your shoulder to where he pointed and quickly look away when you see James staring at you.
“Oh yeah?” You ask courteously. “That’s cool.”
“Y/N, can we please ta-“
“Y/N!” Charles exclaims, letting out a low whistle as he scans you from head to toe. “You look great!”
“Thank you!” You beam. “You look like you wanna take me out on a date.”
“I do?” He asks, looking from you to your friends.
“He does?” James asks softly, heart breaking as he takes in the scene in front of him.
“Yup.” You nod confidently, ignoring James once again.
“Well in that case, Hogsmeade on Saturday?” Charles asks, raising his brows at you.
“Can’t wait.” You grin with a wink. “In the meantime, you can walk me to my common room.”
Without so much as a glance at James, you link your arm with Charles and walk away, heading towards the Gryffindor tower. James, Sirius, and Peter all silently watch you walk off.
Remus Lupin is a lot of things. He’s smart, mischievous, sarcastic; but above all he’s observant. And it’s because he’s so observant that he’s able to tell there’s something bothering you. He can see it in the furrow of your brows and the quiver of your lips. You want to cry.
Remus wants to ask why, he even takes a step before he stops himself, remembering that you’re not friends, and it’s nobody’s fault but his own. You’re friendly enough with the rest of the marauders, but for some reason Remus had always been so guarded around you, keeping you at arms length for no reason other than his own insecurity.
It’s not like you didn’t try to befriend Remus. Because you did. On many occasions. Unfortunately, Remus tried harder to keep you away; and succeeded. And now, watching from a distance as your eyes fill with tears, he almost regrets all the times he walked away from you and ignored your attempts at a conversation. Almost.
“Alright, Moony?” James asks with a raised brow, having seen the shuffle of his feet.
“Fine.” Remus nods. “Foot was falling asleep is all.”
James doesn’t believe him. After all, they've only been standing around for a few minutes. Nevertheless, he nods, tuning back into the story Sirius is in the middle of telling.
With his friends distracted, Remus steals another glance at you, frowning when he sees you wipe your nose with the sleeve of your jumper. With a sheet of parchment clenched in your hand, you start making your way back to your dorm, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed. Lily smiles when she sees you, only to frown in concern when she sees the state you’re in.
“Y/N! Are you alright?” She asks, voice filled with worry.
Taking a deep breath, you muster up a smile before nodding. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” She presses, taking a step closer to you.
Your smile drops, lower lip wobbling as you shake your head. You take a shaky step forward, wrapping your arms around her neck as you start to cry. Alarmed, Lily rubs your back, trying to calm you down.
“What happened?” She asks.
“Did someone do something to you?” James asks worriedly, sneaking a quick glance at Remus before turning back to you.
“Worse.” You sniffle, wiping your eyes before holding the parchment out to them.
Jame grabs the parchment, scanning the lines before looking up at you with wide eyes.
“Suitable partner?!” He exclaims in shock.
“What? Let me read that.” Sirius says, snatching the paper from his hands.
“Did you know?” Lily asks softly.
“No!” You deny, shaking your head profusely. “They never said anything to me about arranging a marriage! I-I had no idea!”
The group shares a look of concern as Sirius keeps reading. Arranged marriages are quite normal among pureblood wizards, or rich families. You’re both. But your parents didn’t seem like the type to marry you off, which is why everyone is so shocked by the news.
“After much consideration, we believe you and Jeremy Avery would be a good match!” Sirius exclaims, holding the letter up and looking at you with wide eyes.
“Avery?!” Dorcas gasps. “You must be joking!”
“He’s a bloody Slytherin!” Sirius rants. “Not to mention he and his whole family have intentions of getting the dark mark! Do your parents know about this?”
“They couldn’t have!” You try to reason, taking the letter back from him. “They would have never agreed to this otherwise, I’m sure of it.”
“Incoming,” Peter warns, nodding his head to the side. You all turn around and see Jeremy walking towards you, looking more smug than usual.
“What do you want, Avery?” Sirius asks with a glare.
“Chill, Black. I’m not here for you.” He rolls his eyes before smirking at you. “I simply came to say hello to my lovely wife.”
“I am not your wife.” You tell him with a frown.
“Not yet.”
“Not ever.” You correct. “I don’t know what you heard, but this is a mistake.”
“A mistake?” Jeremy chuckles. “Dearest, your parents approached mine with the offer.”
“And they’re going to rescind it as well.” You argue. “I know all about you, Jeremy. You’re cruel and vile and I would never marry you!”
The amusement is gone from Jeremy’s face, his features now glaring harshly at you. Jeremy takes a menacing step forward and your heart drops. Before you’re able to even think about backing up, Remus takes a step to the side, coming to a stop right in front of you.
“If you think-“
“Walk away while you still can, Avery.” Remus says coldly.
Jeremy and Remus silently stare each other down before finally, Jeremy scoffs, backing up with an amused smirk. Looking over Remus’ shoulder, he locks eyes with you and nods his head just the tiniest bit.
“I’ll see you soon, wife.” He smiles before turning around and walking away, humming the wedding march as he goes.
As soon as he’s gone, you release the breath you had been holding, placing a hand on your chest in an effort to calm your racing heart.
“What a creep.” Marlene says in disgust.
“Are you okay?” Dorcas asks.
“Yeah,” You nod shakily. “I’m fine.” You shift your gaze from Dorcas to Remus and smile gratefully. “Than-“
“I have rounds.” Remus says simply, not sparing anyone a glance as he walks away.
“It’s two o’clock.” Peter mumbles, confused as to why Remus is leaving for rounds so early. Sirius and James share a look before shrugging their shoulders. Your shoulders drop in defeat as you watch Remus disappear into the castle.
“Come on.” Lily calls softly, placing a hand on your back. “I’ll walk you to your dorm.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to.” You try to wave her off, embarrassed at having broken down crying in front of everyone and gotten into a spat with Jeremy.
“Nonsense.” Lily insists, already pulling you away. “The girls and I were headed there anyway.”
“Oh. Well…alright.” You nod, smiling kindly at them. “If it isn’t too much trouble…”
“None at all!” Dorcas assures you with a grin, linking her arm with yours.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
The marauders and the girls don’t see you again until a whole three days later. Between quidditch practice, rounds, pranks, studying, and apprenticeships, they’ve been quite busy. Still, they can’t deny they’re curious as to what your parents said when you wrote to them about Avery. There’s no way they would make you marry someone like him. That being said, Marlene can’t help but gasp when she sees you walking with your dorm mates.
“Hey, Y/N!” She calls, waving her arm when you look over so you can spot her easily.
You wave back with a grin before turning to your friends. One of them nods their head, pointing to a nearby bench while you walk towards the group.
“Is it just me or did that smile not…look genuine?” Peter asks.
Remus glances at you briefly before turning back to his book with a frown. He’s read the same line four times since he heard Marlene say your name, but nobody needs to know that.
“Yeah,” Dorcas sighs. “I don’t think the conversation went well…”
“Shh! She’s coming!” Lily warns before turning to you with a smile. “Hello lovely!”
“Hi, Lily.” You greet with a small laugh before turning to the rest of the group. “Hey, guys.”
You get a chorus of hello’s in return before Sirius, never one to beat around the bush, asks the question on everyone’s mind.
“So how’d it go with your parents?” He asks, groaning when Marlene elbows him in the gut.
“You’re so rude!” She chastises.
“It’s okay, Marlene.” You assure her before turning back to Sirius and shrugging. “It went fine, I guess. I still don’t know why they’re trying to set me up in the first place.” You tell him honestly with a frown. “I think I’m just gonna go home this weekend, try to figure out what’s going on…”
“But what did they say about Avery?” Sirius presses. “About his family? Their views?”
“Oh! Yeah, the union is off.” You confirm. The whole group lets out a sigh of relief.
“That’s great!” James cheers, smiling dropping when he notices your lack of enthusiasm. “Right?”
“I mean, yeah.” You nod, avoiding everyone’s gaze. “On a completely unrelated note, what do you guys think of Rowle?”
“Rowle?” Sirius asks, the name not sounding familiar.
“Like, Joseph Rowle?” Peter interrupts, “From Ravenclaw?”
“Yeah,” You confirm with a nod. “We’re hanging out tomorrow to get to know each other…”
“Wait, you mean your parents are still trying to set you up with someone?” Lily asks with a frown.
You give her a timid smile and her frown deepens.
“Y/N! Are you coming?” Your friend Sarah calls.
You look over your shoulder and nod, before turning back to the group in front of you.
“I gotta go. But who knows! Maybe… maybe he won’t be so bad...” You shrug, eyes full of hope as you run off to join your friends.
Remus watches you go with a far off look on his face, clearly deep in thought as everyone around him starts to gossip about your new match. Eventually the girls leave, yet the conversation continues.
“What do you think?” Sirius finally asks, nudging Remus.
“About what?” He asks, pulling away with an annoyed frown.
“Y/N!” Sirius exclaims. “Y/N with Joseph. Both of them. Together. Two strangers. Married. ‘Til death do them part!”
“I think it’s none of my business.” Remus shrugs, opening his book back up. “Or yours, for that matter.”
“Come on, Moony.” Sirius presses. “You can’t honestly tell me that you don’t care.”
There’s a long silence between the them before Remus finally responds.
“She said it herself. Maybe he won’t be so bad.” Remus says instead, not directly answering Sirius’ question.
“You’re no fun.” Sirius complains.
“Then leave me alone.” Remus says bluntly.
Peter snorts in amusement only to whine when Sirius throws a pebble at his head.
“I wish you’d stop being so cold to her.” James comments with a frown. “If you don’t wanna admit you like her-“
“I don’t like her.” Remus interrupts.
“-then that’s fine.” James continues. “But you can’t keep treating her like shit.”
“I’m not.”
“She’s a nice girl-“
“I know that.” Remus nods, getting more and more worked up the longer this conversation goes on.
“Then why are you always so mean to her?” James asks.
“You know why.”
“I don’t.” He argues. “Why don’t you tell us?”
“Because I’m- and she-“ Remus takes a deep breath before slamming his book shut and standing up. “Just forget it. I’m hungry. I’m going to the kitchens.”
James starts to follow after him only for Sirius to put an arm out, keeping him in place.
“Let it go, mate.” He says, watching Remus walk off. “He’ll make a move when he’s ready.”
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
It’s by complete chance that they all happen to be lounging about the common room when you come back from your date. It has nothing at all to do with the fact that they’ve been sitting there for the past two hours, waiting for you to arrive.
“Hey!” They all greet, seeming just a tad too happy for it to be considered normal.
“Hi…” You say awkwardly. “What’s…going on?”
“Nothing! What’s going on with you?” Dorcas asks.
“You’re being weird.” You tell her with a confused laugh.
“How was your date?” Peter asks with an excited smile.
Everyone groans.
“Peter!” Marlene shouts.
“What?”
“We said we were gonna be casual.” James sighs.
“I was!” Peter defends.
“So?” Lily asks, turning around on the couch to see you better. “How was it?”
“Um… Yeah, it was- it was fine.” You mumble. “He was great! Until you know, he wasn’t…”
“How bad was it?” Sirius asks with a grimace.
“He was rude to the waiter, he complained about everyone and everything, he kept giving me backhanded compliments,” You list off. “Oh! And if that wasn’t bad enough, he kept trying to kiss me no matter how many times I said no.”
“Sorry.” Lily apologizes with a frown.
“It’s okay. I’m just glad I got it over with.”
“So I take it you’ll be owling your parents about him as well?” Marlene muses.
“Oh, the owl’s on his way as we speak.” You nod, causing her to huff in amusement.
You look at the side table and your eyes widen when you see that your book is still sitting there. You completely forgot to return it earlier today.
“Onto the next?” Sirius guesses.
“Unfortunately.” You confirm, grabbing your book and rushing out the door.
After returning your book and checking out another, you walk out of the library only to end up bumping into somebody.
“Sorry.” You mumble, not even looking at them as you step to the side, starting your walk back to the Gryffindor tower.
“How was your date?”
You turn around with a confused frown, eyes widening when you see Remus of all people standing in front of you. Not only that, but actually talking to you.
“It was a disaster.” You tell him bluntly, honestly; and for some reason that makes him laugh.
“And the guy?”
“He was…a step down from Avery.” You tell him with a pained grimace.
“Really?” Remus asks with furrowed brows. “I didn’t think that was possible.”
“Trust me, I was just as surprised as you are.” You assure him.
You and Remus share a laugh before you awkwardly clear your throat.
“Right. Well, I’ll leave you to it.” You tell him, turning around and starting to walk away.
“You know, if you ever get tired of being set up with tossers, you can always marry me.”
The offer stops you in your tracks. You turn around slowly to stare at him.
“I-I’m sorry?” You ask with a confused laugh, because there’s no way you heard him right.
For a split second, Remus considers taking it back, saying he was only joking. But he isn’t. So instead, he squares his shoulders, looks you right in the eye, and nods.
synopsis: reader is bella’s sister and her and seth attend bella and edward’s wedding!
warnings: angsty in the middle (the infamous jacob and bella fight happens and reader gets involved)
word count: 3.22k
…
after a whirlwind few months of wedding planning, bella and edward’s wedding was finally happening. as bella’s sister, you were her maid-of-honor but didn’t have too many duties seeing as alice took care of just about everything you could possibly think of and then some.
so here you sat at their ceremony, front row with your imprinter, seth clearwater, sat next to you and charlie, renee, and phil on the other side of you. you had on a gorgeous purple bridesmaid dress hand-picked by alice with an equally stunning pair of heels that seth couldn’t seem to get enough of.
as bella and edward said their vows, seth wrapped his arm around your waist, tugging you closer to him so you could rest your head against his shoulder. he rubbed gentle circles against your hip with his thumb as the two of you listened, absolutely loving how much effort edward had put into his vows.
sure enough, within a few minutes mr. weber was announcing that edward could kiss bella and they were most definitely making the most of that, absolutely entranced with one another as they made their first kiss as a married couple last as long as possible.
everyone was clapping, emmett chiming in with a few rather vulgar hollars, and the other couples in the room were also sharing soft kisses with one another. seth caught your attention, taking his free hand to gently cup your jaw in his hand so he could prompt you to look at him, “we should get married,” he murmured, a big smile on his face that had you giggling and rolling your eyes.
“maybe in a year,” you teased, bursting into another fit of giggles when he smashed his lips against yours, pulling you close to him for a rather passionate kiss. you ran your hands up his chest, playfully toying with the buttons on his shirt as the two of you melted into each other.
as the cheering died down, seth allowed you to part from his lips, both of you letting out breathy laughs as bella and edward headed back down the aisle to get ready for the after party. “i love you,” seth said softly, rubbing gentle circles against your jaw with his thumb, “so much,” he added with a smile that had you giggling again.
“i love you too clearwater,” you mused, pressing another quick kiss to his lips before getting up so the two of you could follow everyone over to the afterparty. seth couldn’t stop smiling as he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close to his side while he guided you over to the table you, your dad, mom, phil, and sue clearwater would be sitting.
“so are you gonna let me dance with you?” seth asked teasingly once the two of you finally found the table just as the music started and people began entering the dancefloor while everyone waited for dinner to be served.
you smiled, allowing him to pull you close to his chest as you rested your hands on his chest, looking up at him adoringly, “i suppose,” you teased, laughing when seth quickly spun you around to usher you onto the dancefloor where the music was transitioning something by hozier.
seth smiled as you turned around so you could wrap your arms around his neck, allowing him to rest his hands on your hips to hold you close to him, “you look so pretty right now, you know that?” seth asked softly, gently swaying you from side to side with the rhythm of the music.
you giggled, blushing, “you flatter me,” you mused and seth pressed a soft kiss to your lips as he tightened his grip on your hips, his silent way of telling you he meant his compliment.
when he pulled away, he allowed you to rest your cheek against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart as he gently swayed the two of you. both of you relished in the moment, loving being able to silently be in each other's arms and just enjoy the music.
it went on like that for a few more minutes until something seemed to catch seth’s attention that had him stopping his swaying. at the loss of movement, you peeked up at him and followed his gaze only to see that he was looking over at none other than embry call who was waving him over.
you frowned, sliding your hand up to gently squeeze at seth’s bicep to get his attention, “‘s wrong?” you asked softly, a worried expression on your face that had seth also frowning when he looked down at you.
“i’m not sure,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your hair while you looked around for your sister only to see her, edward, and jacob off to the side in what looked to be a rather heated conversation. you let out a heavy sigh when you realized what was going on.
“you wanna sit at the table while i go over there?” he asked softly, gently squeezing your hips to get your attention back on him.
you shook your head, lips still pulled into a frown as you looked up at him, “i’ll come with you,” you murmured and he let out a soft sigh before nodding. you knew he didn’t have a problem with you coming with him, but rather a problem with potentially ruining your night over something stupid with jacob.
seth took his hands off of your hips, instead sliding one hand to rest on your lower back as the two of you walked over to where all the commotion was. in addition to bella, edward, and jacob, you could now see that pretty much the rest of the pack were just past the tree line trying to get jacob to come with him.
“y/n,” bella breathed out a sigh of relief when she saw you. you looked from her, then to edward who was wearing a rather irritated expression, and finally to jacob who looked… pissed off to say the least.
“is everything okay?” you asked as you turned your attention back to bella, still not sure exactly what went down that was causing the entire pack to show up at the cullen’s house. though, these types of issues weren’t exactly new to you or anyone who knew bella. though, you did find it a bit disturbing that there was such a scene at her wedding.
“everything is definitely not fine,” jacob grumbled, answering your question for bella which you didn’t take too kindly to. you shot him a dirty look, mentally calling him a slew of rather unbecoming insults that had edward cracking a smile.
“bella why don’t you go back to the table? i think they’re just about to start dinner,” you suggested, though both you and her knew it was definitely more of an order than a suggestion. you hadn’t done really anything as her maid-of-honor so you figured this was as good a time as any to make sure her wedding went as smoothly as possible.
seth offered your hip a reassuring squeeze when bella slowly nodded, looking from edward then to jacob, “goodbye jake,” she mumbled, only making eye contact with him for a brief moment before she was looking at the ground and walking back to the party with edward.
“what the hell is wrong with you?” you asked jacob as soon as you were sure bella was out of earshot. he looked over at you incredulously, almost as if he couldn’t believe why you were mad at him for nearly ruining your sister’s wedding night, “it’s her wedding day you moron, not yours,” you added, stepping out of seth’s grasp so you could get closer to him, not even remotely close to being done with chewing him out.
“as her sister i think you’d be a little more concerned-” he started but you rolled your eyes, gaze sharpening as you glared at him and cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
“as her sister,” you emphasized before continuing, “i can tell you she doesn’t want you causing a slew of issues on her wedding day. you had weeks to bring all this up with her but you chose to go run off to canada or wherever the fuck you went and wallow in self-pity. i don’t need your self-righteous ass showing up here completely unannounced to make her feel bad about her marriage.” you finished, crossing your arms over your chest as you made sure to give him the most disturbed look you could muster.
despite the fact that you were more than happy to finally have had the opportunity to chew him out, you were shocked seth hadn’t stepped in to stop you yet. you didn’t have too much time to dwell on it though because jacob began to tremble.
before you even had a moment to react yourself, you heard sam and embry calling your name as seth grabbed you and pulled you over to him just as jacob transformed into a giant wolf, his paws landing exactly where you were not even 2 seconds prior.
seth sucked in a heavy breath, pulling you into a near-suffocating grip as you processed what just happened, “okay that’s enough,” sam ordered, paul and jared stepping out of the tree line in their wolf forms to guide (more like shove) jacob into the tree line so they could finally get him out of there.
“you’re okay, you’re okay,” seth murmured, though it seemed more like he was trying to reassure himself of that as he used one hand to hold your head close to his chest as the other rested on your ribs.
“what happened?” emmett’s voice came from next to you and opened your eyes to see him and jasper both sporting very disturbed expressions as they tried to figure out what just happened.
embry was the first to answer, you and seth both still in a bit too much shock to say anything, “jacob phased and almost hit her,” he explained, somewhere between a sad and frustrated expression on his face.
thankfully, the cullens and the pack had started to somewhat get along in the past few months so emmett and jasper knew embry and sam would never have knowingly put you in a situation where you could get hurt. both emmett and jasper exchanged mutual looks of concern before embry spoke up again.
“that was way too close,” embry’s voice came from beside you as he spoke to sam, both boys still sporting frowns on their faces. seth pressed his lips to your hair, still quietly murmuring to himself that you were okay.
“y/n i’m sorry,” sam’s voice softened as he spoke to you and you nodded, turning your head so you could rest your other cheek against seth’s chest and look at sam who was looking quite distressed. you imagined it was because he was probably getting some kind of flashbacks to what happened to emily, a memory all of the boys had to share and carry the burden of now.
“‘s not your fault,” you reassured, voice barely above a whisper and sam just nodded, closing his eyes to take a deep breath for a moment before turning his attention back to jasper and emmett.
“we’ll deal with him,” sam reassured as embry stepped over to him, all of you not entirely sure what to say about the events that just transpired.
“let us know if you need any help with it, yea?” emmett asked and sam nodded, seeming a bit relieved and guilty at the same time over the fact that jasper and emmett weren’t mad at him for jacob’s actions.
sam took another deep breath before responding, “will do,” he said before turning around and heading into the tree line where quil appeared to be waiting in his wolf form. you couldn’t see anyone else so you’d assumed they’d gotten jacob far out of there.
“are you two okay?” embry asked softly after a moment, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze to get your and seth’s attention.
you nodded, seeing that it was now just the three of you as you took another deep breath before lifting your head from seth’s chest to look up at him, “are you okay?” you asked seth softly, cupping his face with your hands as you watched him anxiously scanning your features, still seeming incredibly freaked out by the whole ordeal.
you held eye contact with him as the two of you took in a deep breath together, grounding yourselves a bit, “i’m okay,” you reassured seth when you realized he wasn’t going you answer your question until he heard your answer for himself.
“you scared me,” he murmured, continuing to take a few deep breaths as he processed everything, “don’t do that again,” he added and you nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.
“i won’t,” you reassured, rubbing slow circles against his jaw bone with your thumbs, knowing he always did that for you when he wanted to calm you down. it seemed to work well enough and he let his shoulders drop as he exhaled.
“you two let me know if you need me, okay? i’m gonna go check on sam,” embry explained and you nodded, looking over at him and offering him a thankful smile.
he offered you a sad smile back in return, both of you letting out heavy sighs, “don’t beat yourself up about it,” you said to embry, “not your fault,” you added with a small smile and embry nodded, seeming to take your words to heart before he was also stepping into the tree line to phase.
you turned your attention back to seth then, “you wanna go sit down at the table for a bit?” you asked softly, releasing his jaw in favor of sliding your hands down to his biceps, gently squeezing the muscles there while you waited for his response.
seth nodded, “you’re staying with me tonight, right?” he asked, voice sounding a bit more nervous than you would’ve liked. you knew there was no chance he was letting you out of his sight after this so, even though you were planning on staying with him tonight anyway, you knew he needed to have you close to him more than he usually did.
“of course i am,” you reassured, “i’m okay,” you added softly, knowing he’d probably need to hear it a million more times before he actually believed it.
he nodded, taking another deep inhale, “okay,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of your head before he slid one hand around your waist and guided you back over to the dinner table.
luckily for the two of you, charlie, renee, and phil seemed a bit caught up with getting ready for speeches so it was just you, seth, and sue at the table.
“everything alright?” sue asked as the two of you came back over, eyebrows creased in concern as she read her son’s features. you nodded, taking seth’s hand as he pulled out your chair and helped you get seated before taking his own seat.
“i think so,” you said softly, smiling a bit to yourself as seth smushed his chair right up against yours so he could wrap his arm around you and pull you close to his side.
sue nodded, “embry explained what happened,” she added, both you and seth letting out soft sighs of relief when you realized you wouldn’t have to explain everything to her, “you didn’t get hurt, right?” she asked, coming to rest her hand on your knee and offering it a gentle squeeze.
you shook your head, peeking over your shoulder to press a quick kiss to seth’s cheek, “all good thanks to him,” you reassured, resting your hand on seth’s thigh in another attempt to reassure him you were alright.
sue offered the two of you a soft smile, “that’s good,” she said, seeming to breathe out a sigh of relief before continuing, “i need to go check on billy but you two let me know if you need me, okay?” she asked as she got up, giving seth’s shoulder a soft squeeze before she went off to find billy.
seth leaned over to press another kiss to your hair, “you promise you’re alright?” he asked again, his voice a murmur muffled by your hair.
you nodded, peeking up at him, “promise i’m okay,” you reassured, taking his hand and hooking your pinkies together. the two of you had been friends pretty much since you’d been born and always used to do pinky promises to reassure one another so you figured now was as good a time as any to pull out your old habits.
“pinky promise,” you added with a small giggle, taking your intertwined pinkies and pressing a soft kiss to them.
seth let out a breathy laugh at your action, “i love you,” he said softly, sliding his hand up to wrap around the back of your neck and pull you close to him so he could press a soft kiss to his lips that you happily returned.
you were quick to melt against his lips, taking your hands and running them up his chest as he ran his free hand the part of your thigh that was now exposed to him thanks to the slit in your dress, “i love you too clearwater,” you murmured against his lips when he allowed you to part to catch your breath.
his lips curled into a smile at that, seeming to slowly get back to his usual cheery self, “so any update on when you’re gonna let me marry you?” he asked, a teasing glimmer in his eyes that had you giggling despite knowing he’d drop on one knee in a heartbeat if you let him.
“you can ask me in a few months,” you responded teasingly, your own smile getting bigger when you saw the excitement in his eyes, “and maybe i’ll say yes,” you added with a giggle, smiling when seth pulled you back in for another passionate kiss.
you tightened your fists against the fabric of his button-down, tugging him closer to you as he slid his hand up the slit in your dress in a desperate attempt to pull you closer to him, “hey mister and misses clearwater cool it! i’m trying to give a passionate speech here!” emmett’s booming voice teasingly called over the microphone as you immediately felt your cheeks flaming up to a bright red as you and seth parted your lips to look over at emmett who seemed to have just gotten onto the stage for the first speech of the night.
you and seth (along with pretty much every other guest in earshot) let out soft laughs at the comment and you curled into his side, happy to know he’d be by your side for the rest of the night and the rest of your life.
A/N: this is a hanahaki au WC: 5.2k Reader is described as wearing a gown to the yule ball, however please feel free to change it in your head to whatever you think you would feel most comfortable in (dress, suit, jeans, etc.) love you guys
You should have never dropped Remus’ book. You should have never looked at that polaroid. You should have never found the damned thing in the first place. It’s been days and that’s still the only thing you can think about. Remus’ crush, Remus’ dream girl, Remus’ comet is you. Not Mary, not Pandora, not Olivia, you.
You had a million and one questions. How long has he liked you? Was he ever going to say anything? Why hasn’t he already said anything? Are his feelings misplaced?
That question scares you the most, but still, you can’t help but wonder. You’ve spent so much time together because of your hanahaki. It is a possibility that he doesn’t like you at all; that he’s just caught up in the moment.
No. You know that isn’t the case. He said you make his days better, that being with you is like being bathed in sunlight. And he almost kissed you in the corridor! If there’s one thing you know about Remus, it’s that he’s careful… calculated. He would never say or do something if he didn’t mean it. He’s the complete opposite of James in that sense, thinking things and all their possible outcomes through before making a move. Whereas James is impulsive, always acting first and thinking later. Speaking of James…
“I know you’re there.” You announce, eyes still closed as you lay on one of the couches in the common room.
“I didn’t even say anything!” He exclaims in surprise.
“You didn’t have to!” You laugh, opening your eyes to smile up at him. “How long have we been friends now? Do you honestly think I wouldn’t recognize your footsteps?”
“That’s scary.” James frowns.
“Impressive.” You correct. And just like that, gone is his frown, replaced by that brilliant smile of his that you love so much.
“Why’re you here, James?” You ask, finally sitting up. “And what’s with the balloons?”
“They’re for you!” He proclaims, sheepishly holding them out to you. “I was going to get you flowers, but thought this might be better…”
“Thank you.” You say, grabbing them with a confused laugh.
“Go to Hogsmeade with me.” James blurts out while you gather your balloons, grabbing all the strings and tying them together into a knot.
“Huh?” You ask, looking up at him with wide eyes.
“You’re not busy, are you?” James asks nervously.
“I was just laying on the couch.” You remind him with a laugh. “I’m obviously not busy.”
“Brilliant! Then…Hogsmeade?”
You ponder it for only a moment before nodding your head.
“Alright. Sure.” You smile at him. “Might as well get the boys before we go.”
James’ eyes widen at your statement.
“Pa-mmph!”
You look at James in bewilderment and he at least has the decency to look apologetic.
“Sorry, darling.” He apologizes, sheepishly pulling his hand away. “It’s just…I was hoping it could be just you and me?”
“You could’ve just said that! No need to slap your hand over my mouth to silence me.” You complain.
“Sorry! I’m sorry.” James apologizes yet again, shaking his head at himself.
“It’s fine.” You wave him off. “Let me just take these up to my dorm. I’ll be back in a sec.”
James watches you go with a smile, tucking his hands into the pockets of his trousers as he waits for you to come back down. It’s no lie that these past couple of months have been hard. Your relationship has taken blow after blow. James has lost count of how many nights he stayed up, wondering if you’d be able to sort yourselves out, or if this was the end of you two.
But he refused to give up. He persevered, and kept trying; even when you avoided him, even when you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. That hurt the most; and the very thought of you never looking at him again with those bright eyes of yours scared him worse than any boggart ever could. But still, he picked himself up and tried again. And it seems as if it’s finally starting to pay off. Things between you and James are finally starting to go back to normal, and he couldn’t be happier. James looks over his shoulder when he hears the portrait hole open, smiling when he sees his favorite redhead come in.
“Hey, Evans.” He greets.
“Oh. Hi, James!” Lily returns with a smile of her own. “I’m just gonna drop my books off in my dorm, then I was gonna sit by the Black Lake for a bit. Do you wanna join me?”
“Nah.” James shakes his head immediately. This is the first time in weeks that you and him will be together, just you two, alone. There’s no way in hell he’d give that up. “I actually have plans. Maybe some other time.”
You walk back down the stairs with an excited smile only to freeze when you see James and Lily talking amongst each other in the common room. You see how close they’re standing together, how they smile and laugh with each other so effortlessly and your heart drops.
You can’t help but let out the smallest of laughs, because how could you be so stupid? Months of James hurting you and making you feel like a fool and you still don’t know any better. You ran all the way up to your dorm in your excitement. You changed your outfit and fixed your hair, you put on perfume! And he’s with Lily. Like always. And you’re pushed to the side, forgotten. Like always. Shoulders dropping, you can’t help but wonder how many more times you’ll put yourself in a position to get hurt by James? How many more times will you go through this before you finally learn your lesson?
“Ready to go?”
Your eyes start to sting and you do your best to keep the tears at bay. You will not cry. Not here. Not now. Not because of him, because of them.
“Y/N.” James calls.
You take a deep breath to steel your nerves before looking up, cautiously meeting his gaze.
“Are you ready to go?” He asks again, smiling brightly at you.
Wait, what?
You look at James with a confused frown, before turning your gaze to Lily, hoping she has some sort of answer for you.
“Huh?” You ask, causing James to laugh.
“Goodness, did you bang your head while you were up there?” James asks with a laugh, crossing the common room to meet you at the foot of the stairs. “Hogsmeade, remember?”
You look from Lily to James once more in confusion.
“Hogsmeade?” You repeat softly, refusing to get your hopes up. He’s never chosen you before, you highly doubt he’ll start now. And yet…
“Yes, darling.” James nods with a smile. “Hogsmeade. You. Me. Butterbeer.”
James takes in the look on your face and his smile drops.
“Unless…you don’t wanna go anymore….” He says softly, insecurely.
“No!” You exclaim, before shaking your head. “I mean yes! Yes, I still wanna go with you.”
“Great! Then let’s go.” James says, grabbing your hand and starting to pull you towards the door. “See ya later, Evans!” He calls over his shoulder, apologizing when you accidentally bump into the sofa.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
“That’s right!” James agrees with a laugh. “What was your punishment again?”
“Going to gran’s for a week.” You remind him with an annoyed roll of your eyes. “What was yours?”
“You going to your gran’s for a week.”
“James!” You whine, throwing a balled up napkin at him.
“What? It was!” James insists.
“How was me going to my grandmother's house a punishment for you?” You ask skeptically.
“You were my favorite person in the whole world, Y/N.” James shrugs, shyly avoiding your gaze. “You still are. I never wanna be apart from you.”
Your cheeks warm and your heart stutters in your chest at his confession.
“Shut up.” You mumble, turning to look out the window instead.
“Thought you two might fancy a refill.” The inn owner says as she sets another two glasses of butterbeer down.
“Thank you!” You and James say at the same time, handing her your empty mugs before she walks away.
This is nice, James thinks. He watches with a fond smile as you dip one of your fries into the ketchup before happily munching on it. How could a girl look so beautiful doing something as simple as eating?
James’ eyes widen as soon as the thought crosses his mind before he shakes his head at himself.
I’m not gonna fight this anymore, he thinks to himself. I’m done running.
James doesn’t fully know what he feels for you. Hell, he’s only seventeen, he doesn’t know much of anything! But he knows he feels something. Something that makes him smile, and his heart race, and his palms sweat. He’s decided that he can decipher his feelings later. In the meantime, he’s just gonna do what feels right. And asking you to Hogsmeade is what feels right.
“Have you gone?” James asks.
“Hm?” You hum, turning back to look at him.
James nods his head towards the window, where a group of four girls pass by, giddily holding boxes that surely have their gowns for the yule ball.
“To get your dress.” He clarifies. “Have you gone yet?”
“Goodness, no.” You laugh, taking another sip of your butterbeer.
“Did you want to?” James asks. “We can visit a few boutiques if you’d like. I’m not the most knowledgeable when it comes to gowns, but I’ll do my best!”
“Mm.” You grimace at the mere thought before popping another fry into your mouth. James huffs in amusement before another thought crosses his mind.
“Do you…do you have a date? For the ball…” He asks, sliding his mug back and forth, if only to have something to do.
“No.” You say, giving him a funny look. If you’re being completely honest, the yule ball was the last thing on your mind.
“Why don’t you go with me?” James asks, words coming out jumbled because of how fast he talked.
“Sorry?” You ask. Surely you hadn’t heard him properly.
“Well, yeah.” James shrugs. “Why not?”
“Why not?” You repeat with an incredulous laugh. “James! The whole point of the dance is to go with someone you like!”
“There’s no one I like more than you.” James shrugs again. The way he’s looking at you becomes too much to bear, so you turn to look out the window again.
“I like you too, Jamie. You’re my best friend.” You smile at him. “But I’m still not going to the dance with you.”
James places a hand over his heart and leans back in his chair, if only to hide how much your rejection actually hurt him.
“You wound me, darling.” He sighs, closing his eyes and pretending to be dead.
“You love me anyway.” You laugh, standing from your seat. “I’m running to the washroom really quick. Afterwards, Honey Duke’s?”
“Sounds like a plan.” James nods, sitting back up in his seat.
He looks up with a smile a short while later, only for that smile to be gone in record time when he sees who’s sitting across from him.
“Maybank.” James grumbles.
“Four eyes.” JJ greets in return, smirking to himself when he sees James’ frown deepen.
“Why’re you here?” James asks bluntly.
“Was passing by.” JJ shrugs casually. “Saw a familiar face and thought I’d pop in. Here alone? That’s a bit sad, isn’t it?”
“I’m not alone.” James informs him.
“No shit.” JJ comments, eyes lighting up mischievously. “Are you here with what’s-her-name? Buttercup? Cherry blossom?”
James takes a deep breath, continuing to stare JJ down, not that he minds.
“Oh!” JJ exclaims, snapping his fingers before pointing at James. “Lily flower.”
Under the table, James’ hands ball into fists.
“Are you here with your precious lily flower?” JJ asks teasingly, mockingly, as he picks up your glass of butterbeer and takes a sip. “Is this a date?”
“She’s not here.” James grumbles before reaching forward and snatching your mug out of his hand. “And that’s not yours. It’s Y/N’s. If you want a butterbeer, go get your own.”
JJ raises his brows in amusement, before raising his arms in surrender.
“Whatever you say, Mr. Best Thing At This Party.”
James closes his eyes and lets out a sigh.
“Y/N told you.” He says, not that he needs to.
“‘Course she did.” JJ nods, amused smirk still on his lips. “She tells me everything.”
James rolls his eyes before looking at JJ curiously.
“Everything?” James asks.
JJ nods his head just the tiniest bit.
“So you…you know who the guy is? The one she lo-“ He can’t even bring himself to say it. “The one causing all this?”
Instead of answering, JJ picks your glass up again, taking a long sip before setting it back down.
“What’s he like?” James all but whispers, frowning at the table as he waits for JJ to answer.
“You actually have a lot in common.” JJ says cryptically.
James’ heart drops. Before he’s even able to think about asking JJ to elaborate, you’re coming back from the bathroom.
“JJ!” You shriek, wrapping your arms around him. “What are you doing here?”
“Just having a chat.” He shrugs nonchalantly.
“Oh my godric, this is great! We were gonna stop by Honey Duke’s. Do you wanna come with us?” You ask excitedly.
JJ catches the wide eyed look James is giving you and figures he’s messed with him enough for one day.
“I would love to.” JJ starts. “But I’ve got other places to be.”
You groan but nod your head, accepting his answer.
“Another time, then.” You smile at him.
“Have fun on your little date.” He teases before walking out.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
It was a nice day, most students were outside; whether on the quidditch pitch, in the courtyard, or even by the pumpkin patch. A fifth year hufflepuff had gotten a kite sent to her for her birthday, and several students, you and Remus included, lounged about, watching it soar high above you all.
“Are you coming to James’ for holiday?” You ask curiously.
“Nah.” Remus shakes his head. “I wanna spend it with my parents.”
You nod your head with a smile.
“I’m assuming you will?” He asks.
“Oh. I-I don’t know yet.” You stutter, gaze focused on the kite. “I might be out of town for holiday…haven’t decided yet.”
Remus nods his head but doesn’t say much else. It’s obvious you don’t wanna talk about it, and who is he to force you?
“Hey, Moony.” You call after a few minutes.
“Hm?”
“That girl…your…your comet. Do you still have feelings for her?” You ask, toying with the sleeves of his jumper as you avoid his gaze.
Remus looks at you with a confused frown before nodding his head.
“I do… Why?”
“Mm-mm. Just thinking.” You shrug.
“About what?”
“If you like her as much as you say, why haven’t you told her?”
“Well, because she likes someone else, remember?” Remus says softly, giving you a sad grin.
“What if she doesn’t?” You ask before you can stop yourself. “What if- what if she likes you too? What if she thinks maybe she’s liked you this whole time?”
“Guys!”
You and Remus both look to the left and see James wave his arm before he starts heading your way.
“Well, I don’t wanna get my hopes up,” Remus says, giving you a soft look, one that you completely miss. “But if that is true, then maybe I’m just waiting for her to make a move…”
“Hey!” James greets. “Have either of you seen Lily anywhere?”
You and Remus both shake your heads.
“No. Why?”
“I’m gonna ask her to be my date.” James grins. “To the ball, of course.”
“Oh?” You ask, softly.
“Yeah,” He nods, bouncing on his toes excitedly. “Things have been going great with us. I think she’ll say yes.”
Your heart drops, but you do your best to not let it show. After all, who are you to be upset? He asked you first and you turned him down.
“That’s…that’s great, Jamie.” You smile tensely.
“I’m assuming you two will be going together?” He asks, annoyance clear in his voice as he gestures between you and Remus. “Considering how close you’ve gotten recently.”
Remus raises his brows, silently asking you what you think, and you roll your eyes at him. Affectionately, of course, but you roll your eyes all the same.
“There she is now. Wish me luck, guys.” James says, not waiting for a response from either of you before he starts crossing the courtyard. “Oi, Evans!”
“So?” Remus asks. “Whaddya say?”
“Remus, you’re sweet. And you know I love you. But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?” Remus asks. He’s not upset, just curious.
You shrug as you insecurely look away.
“It’s not fair to you. I mean what guy in his right mind would wanna go to the ball with a girl who’s in love with someone else? With a girl who’s dying because of that very same unrequited love? It's embarrassing. And I'm not gonna subject anybody to that; no matter who it is.”
Remus calls your name, but when you refuse to meet his gaze, he cups your face, leaving you no other option.
“Y/N, listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you.”
You try to look away but Remus doesn’t let you.
“No, really. You’re brilliant. And funny, and kind and loyal, and beautiful.”
You roll your eyes at that and Remus shakes your head gently almost as if he’s physically trying to knock some sense into you. You laugh at his antics as he continues.
“I mean it. You’re the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your friend or because for some odd reason you think that you’re not. I'm saying it because it’s true. You’re absolutely beautiful; and hanahaki disease or not, any bloke would be lucky to take you to the ball. Y/N, you are not your illness. Don’t let it define you. Don’t let it dictate how you live your life. Okay?”
You place your hand over Remus’ and give him a warm smile.
“Okay.” You nod.
“Awe, look at Remus and Y/N,” Lily cooes, pointing to the two of you.
James sees Remus cupping your face as you smile at each other affectionately and feels that familiar stroke of anger burning in his chest.
“Yeah.” He huffs, annoyance clear in his voice. “Real cute.”
“So?” Remus asks. “Will you go to the ball with me?”
“No.”
Remus groans, throwing his head back as you laugh.
“Your pep talk really got through to me,” You assure him. “But I honestly think I'll be too sick.” You tell him with a grimace. “I'm coughing up flowers several times a day now. I feel like that’d kinda kill the vibe.”
“Plus I didn't even bother looking for a dress. Even if I wanted to go, it’s too late,” You shrug halfheartedly. “But I'm ok with it, honestly. I'm actually looking forward to a quiet night in my dorm. I'll read, maybe watch a movie or two before I catch up on some much needed sleep. I'm always tired now.”
“Want some company?” Remus asks. “I can always-“
“You’re not skipping the ball, Remus. I’ll never forgive you.” You threaten.
“But, love-“
“Nope. No buts. You’re gonna go to that ball, dance the night away and have a good time because you deserve it. And then you’re gonna tell me all about it the next morning over breakfast. Alright?”
“Alright.” Remus nods, throwing an arm around your shoulder as he starts to lead you inside. “It’s getting chilly, love. Let’s go inside.”
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
You left for your check up at St. Mungo’s later than usual. You can say it was because you wanted to sleep in. But the truth is that you wanted to be gone while everyone was getting ready. You knew you wouldn’t be able to go to the ball. You convinced yourself that you were fine with it; but sitting in your dorm, watching wistfully as all the other girls get ready? That’s where you draw the line. At least by the time you get back, the ball will be in full swing, and you’ll be able to mope in peace.
It’s the same as every other visit. Sign in at the front desk, chest x-ray, physical exam, and then before you know it, you’re waiting for Dr. Derwent to come in. You fidget in your seat and sigh. You told Remus to go to the ball, you insisted on it, but you hadn’t expected to miss him as much as you do. You had gone months doing these visits alone, but after a few short weeks, you’ve gotten used to having Remus sit beside you.
Like every other visit, Dr. Derwent informs you that the hanahaki is progressing; and while it’s your decision, she strongly recommends getting the surgery. Afterwards it’s a quick chat about your mental health; how you’ve been dealing with everything and before long, she’s finishing her notes and closing your file.
“I have something for you.” She says simply.
“Oh?” You ask curiously.
“The healers and I have been working on this for quite a while now.” She informs you before pulling a vial out of her desk drawer and placing it in front of you. You take in the iridescent liquid before looking at her curiously.
“I mean it looks pretty.” You tell her, laughing at the fact that you just called an elixir pretty in the first place. “But what is it?”
“Cough potion, some pepperup for vomiting, a bit of herbicide to keep the flowers at bay and just the tiniest bit of wideye potion so you don’t get drowsy.”
“Wow.” You gasp, cautiously picking up vial to inspect it.
“I heard there’s a ball tonight.” She says coyly, tapping her pen on her desk. “Perhaps you’d like to go?”
“Oh… That’s very kind of you, but it’s too late.” You tell her with a sad shrug of your shoulders. “I don’t even have a dress-“
“Funny you should say that.” Dr. Derwent interrupts, pulling an envelope out of her desk and handing it to you. Wordlessly, you open it, immediately recognizing your father’s handwriting.
Our dearest daughter, You’ve had to give up so much this year. We couldn’t let you miss out on this. Your mother and I took the liberty of picking out a gown for you, we hope you like it. It’s waiting for you in your dorm. Have fun. Love, mum and dad.
“I… How?”
“We’ve been working on this for a while.” She tells you, handing you the elixir. “Do try to have fun. You deserve it. I’ll see you next week.”
Surprisingly, you not only liked the gown your parents picked out, you loved it. Strapless and floor length with a high slit on the side. It has layers of sparkly tulle but funnily enough, it didn’t feel heavy or bulky in any way.
Your hair actually managed to cooperate and though it took you a while; having to wash your face three separate times, you were finally able to do a decent job applying a bit of makeup as well. You looked very put together. So why couldn’t you bring yourself to walk out the door?
“This is stupid.” You sigh, “I look stupid.”
You stand in front of the mirror, twisting this way and that, smoothing out your dress and fixing your hair.
“No.” You shake your head, assuring yourself. “You look good. You look great!”
“This was a mistake.” You groan, covering your face and starting to pace again. “Goodness, what was I thinking?”
“You know what? No.” You argue with yourself. “You deserve this. You’re fucking going.”
Heart racing, you open the door and walk out of your room before you can change your mind. With every step you take, your anxiety gets worse. It’s at an all time high when you find yourself standing outside of the great hall.
“Alright, Y/N. You got this.” You nod, releasing a shaky breath before walking in.
As soon as you walk in, you hear a gasp to the right of you. You turn your head and see a group of girls staring at you.
“Oh my god, look at her.”
“She looks amazing.”
You shyly smile at them before stepping further into the room, desperately hoping you run into one of your friends. The more people you pass, the more self conscious you become. You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, you can hear their whispers. Even though they’re complimenting you, it still feels weird. Maybe it’s because they’re complimenting you that you feel weird. You’d think you’d feel better, compared to the whispers about your hanahaki but you quickly find that you’re just as uncomfortable.
It’s by complete chance that James sees you. Or maybe it’s fate. All he knows is that one second he’s chatting with one of his quidditch teammates, the next he feels as if he can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t do anything but gaze at you. It’s scary, the power you hold over him; the power you seem to hold over everyone else, judging by how they all stop to stare as you pass them by, parting through the crowd easily as if it were the red sea. James immediately makes his way to you, leaving his poor friend talking to himself.
“Look at you!” He exclaims as soon as he reaches you. He hopes he doesn’t sound as breathless as he feels. “You look beautiful!”
You shyly mumble a thank you, bringing a hand up to fix your hair and James watches affectionately. It’s strange, his thought process. But here, standing in front of you, the only thing he can think is that he doesn’t compliment you nearly as much as he should. And not just because he loves teasing you, but because it’s true. You are beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful. He should probably tell you more often. He promises himself he’ll do so from now on. He's just about to tell you as much when something over your shoulder catches his attention.
“Do you wanna da-“ You start, only to be cut off by James.
“Oh, there’s Lily. I’ll be right back.” He says, not even waiting for an answer before he walks away.
“You’re never gonna learn your lesson, are you?” You ask yourself, smile dropping as you watch him go.
“I thought you weren’t coming!”
Your heart automatically races at the sound of their voice.
“I thought so too.” You shrug, casting one last glance at James and Lily before turning your full attention to Remus.
“Y/N, you look magnificent.” Remus compliments. “Absolutely breathtaking.”
“Thanks, Moony.” You grin bashfully.
Remus grabs your hand, lifting it above your head as he asks you to spin around, wanting a full 360 of your ensemble. And how could you ever tell him no? You roll your eyes at him before spinning around once. Your face burns when he lets out a low whistle.
“Wow. You are bound to break a few hearts tonight.” Remus compliments, hoping he won’t be one of them.
“Oh, stop it.”
“I mean it,” Remus continues. “Just make sure you let us down easy, alright?”
“Who says I’m letting you down at all?” You ask, curiously tilting your head to the side. The smile Remus gives you makes your heart flip. It does another somersault when he holds his out to you.
“May I have the honor of the first dance with the most beautiful girl Hogwarts has ever seen?” He asks eloquently.
Smiling, you gently place your hand in his.
“You may.”
“Hey. Have you seen Y/N?” James asks, pointing a finger over his shoulder. “She looks amazing, doesn’t she?”
“Oh, she looks so beautiful.” Lily cooes. “Though it looks like we’re not the only ones that agree. She already has a suitor.” She teases with a laugh.
Smile dropping, James immediately whips around, frown deepening when he sees you and Remus talking together. Remus says something that makes you throw your head back in laughter before he holds his hand out to you. You graciously take it before you start dancing.
You dance with Remus the whole night. Of course, you share a dance with your other friends, and a few classmates when they ask to cut in, but the majority of the night is spent with Remus. You don’t remember the last time you’ve been this happy. Your stomach hurt from how much he made you laugh, and your cheeks were sore from how much you had been smiling.
The party was still in full swing, but you and Remus, having had enough, slipped out and started making your way to the common room. The walk back is silent, but peacefully so.
It’s when Remus walks you to the foot of the stairs that that peace is disturbed; because hanging above the both of you, is mistletoe. You and Remus share an embarrassed laugh before you both look away, thoughts starting to race.
Remus is thinking about a way to get out of this situation. He knows you love James. And as much as he would love to kiss you, he doesn’t want you to feel forced because of a stupid plant. But then again, he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and end up hurting your feelings. The last thing he ever wants to do is hurt you, intentionally or not.
Meanwhile, you’re thinking back on your whole relationship with Remus, and how much it’s grown over the past couple of months. You’re thinking about how he’s always been there for you, even when you didn't want him to be, even when you tried to push him away. And how he’s had feelings for you this whole time, and set them aside just to be there for you. You’re thinking about that almost kiss you shared. But most importantly you’re thinking about what he said earlier in the week.
“Maybe I’m just waiting for her to make a move.”
And so you do. Mustering up some of that Gryffindor courage, you place your hands on Remus’ shoulders for balance before pressing your lips against his. Remus’ eyes widen in shock before they flutter closed, hands automatically falling to your waist as he tilts his head to the side, deepening the kiss.
You pull away after a few seconds, taking in a shaky breath as you do. When Remus opens his eyes, you’re biting your lower lip, and godric if that isn’t the hottest thing he’s ever seen.
“Right. Well. Goodnight.” You stutter, turning around and running up the stairs.
“Goodnight.” Remus whispers back, though you’re not there to hear it.
As you lay in bed that night, you think long and hard about what you should do. James, as much as you love him, has proven to you time and time again that you are not the girl for him. It’s taken you an embarrassingly long time, but it seems you’ve gotten the message.
James made his choice. It’s time for you to make yours.
dude literally whenever i read ur updates i literally have the biggest grin on my face and i'm blushing and kicking my feet and SQUEALING.... it's all so soft and cute and UGH i'm in love with moony and comet. ur work is amazing ily 😓😓😓🫶🫶🫶
MY BABY 🥰 i’m literally so happy to hear that omg you’re one of the ones that i’m always low key trying to impress with my writing hehehe 🤭 DONT YOU WORRY ABOUT MOONY AND COMET I PROMISE THEY’LL KEEP BEING CUTE 🥰
STOP ITTTT i'm in love with you and all your work and everything you have done. 😞🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 YOU ALWAYS IMPRESS ME WITH YOUR WRITING IM ALWAYS SCREAMING AND CRYING 😆😆😆😆 keep doing what u do i'm obsessed #teammoony
Walking out of your dorm room, you bump into a girl a year or two below you. She opens her mouth to apologize, but when she sees it’s you, she gives you a sad smile instead. You silently glare at her and she’s quick to turn around and scurry off.
You had an idea of what would happen when the truth finally came out. You played out possible scenarios more times than you can count, usually after having thrown up flowers. But the reality is much more annoying than you imagined. Everywhere you go it’s sad smiles, pitying glances and hushed whispers. It drives you crazy.
Shaking your head you start walking down the hall, not paying any mind to the girl on your right closing the door to her dorm. You pass her without so much as a glance in her direction, eyes trained on your shoes as you walk. It’s only when she calls out that you finally pay her any attention.
“Y/N!”
You stop in your tracks and look over your shoulder, sighing when you see Lily smiling at you.
“Hey!” She greets merrily as she hurries to catch up with you. “How are you?”
“Fine.” You shrug. “You?”
Lily’s footsteps falter, having not expected you to ask about her in return, but she’s quick to regain her composure.
“Oh, I’m great!”
You nod your head but don’t say anything. You walk in silence for another moment before you sigh.
Might as well get this over with, you think to yourself.
“Hey. So um, sorry I’ve been such a bitch to you this whole time.”
“Wha- I- You have nothing to apologize for!” Lily stammers. “I can’t imagine how hard this whole thing must have been for you.”
“Still.” You shrug. “Doesn’t make how I treated you okay. You were just trying to help and I-“
“You were coping with it the best you could.” Lily interrupts. “It’s okay, really. I probably would’ve done the same thing if I were you. We’re good.”
“Thanks.” You smile at her as you both make your way down the stairs.
“So how are you, really?” She asks softly.
“Tired.” You tell her honestly. “I’m tired all the time. All the sleep in the world doesn’t help.”
“And the guy-“
“Can we please not talk about it?” You ask, avoiding her gaze.
“I-I’m not gonna ask who it is. It isn’t any of my business.” Lily assures you. “I just- What if he isn’t worth it?”
James stands from his seat on the couch the moment you both step into the common room. He immediately comes to a stop in front of you, paying no mind at all to Lily.
“Hey.” He greets. “How are you? Everything okay? It took you a while to come down…”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” You assure him, before gesturing to the red haired girl standing beside you. “I found Lily in the hallway so that slowed us down a bit.”
James finally turns his gaze to Lily, but to your surprise, he only nods his head at her in greeting before turning back to you.
“Are you hungry? Do you wanna go to breakfast?” He asks. When you nod, he reaches forward and grabs your backpack from your shoulder.
“James, I can carry-“
“No, no.” James cuts you off. “I got it, darling.”
“Thank you, Jamie.” You smile gratefully at him before slipping out the door.
James feels his heart stutter in his chest when you smile so radiantly at him. He doesn’t even realize he was frozen in place until Lily nudges his shoulder.
“Do you plan on following?” Lily asks teasingly.
“Huh?” James looks around and his eyes widen when he sees that you’re gone. “Oh shit!” he curses, causing Lily to laugh before he takes off running after you.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
Ever since that day by the Black Lake, your friends have become much more protective of you. You can’t even sneeze without four tissues instantly being thrust in front of you. They’re always there, walking you to class, carrying your books for you, asking you how you’re doing.
While you appreciate their concern, you can’t help but feel guilty. This is exactly what you didn’t want to happen. This is your last year. It’s supposed to be filled with mischief and laughter; and instead here they are, constantly worrying about you.
Even though the marauders, and everyone else, know about your hanahaki now, you still do your best to keep it hidden, excusing yourself whenever you feel a fit coming on. Not because you’re trying to keep it a secret, but because you don’t want to put anyone in an uncomfortable situation. After all, how many people really know what to do when someone starts coughing up flowers?
It was very sudden, the hanahaki fit. You didn’t even sense it coming. One second you were sitting around the common room, laughing with Sirius and Peter, the next you were on the ground, body shaking as daffodils and blood poured out of your mouth. Sirius’ can of soda fell over, spilling all over the table and Peter dropped his box of Bertie Bott’s beans from how fast he stood up.
“Oh my god. What do we do?” Peter asks, hands anxiously digging into his hair.
“I don’t- I don’t know!” Sirius cries. “Accio marauders map!”
The map appears in his hand and Sirius hands it to Peter before turning him around and pushing him towards the door.
“Find Moony!” He orders.
“But what about-“
“Peter, hurry!” Sirius shouts. “Go!”
Peter stumbles over his feet before running out the door. Sirius’ eyes fill with tears as he sees you curled up on the floor, body shaking, heaving, trying and failing to get a breath in. Gingerly, so as not to hurt you, he pulls you into his chest, away from the pile of flowers and blood sitting in front of you.
“You’re okay.” He assures you, wiping the tears from his eyes. “You’re gonna be okay. Moony’s coming. Just hold on, okay?”
Remus bursts into the common room with Peter right behind him and his heart drops when he takes in the scene. Sirius is rocking you back and forth, his eyes absolutely bloodshot. The aftermath of your hanahaki fit is still sitting in a puddle on the carpet, Sirius having not thought to evanesco it away. Worst of all though, is that you’re shaking tremendously.
“What happened?” Remus asks as he approaches you both.
“I don’t- I don’t know!” Sirius stutters, shaking his head. “She was fine! She was- she was fine and then she just started throwing up and- I- we didn’t know what to do!”
Remus pushes your hair out of your face and curses when he feels how hot it is.
“She’s burning up.” He murmurs, mostly to himself.
“What?” Sirius asks, having not heard him.
“She has a fever.” Remus repeats louder.
“What do we do?” Peter asks, looking from Remus to Sirius. “Should we get Madam Pomfrey?”
“No.” Remus shakes his head.
“Should we get James?”
“No.” He stresses. “Go to the kitchens, get some chamomile tea with honey. Padfoot, get one of my jumpers and bring it up to her dorm.”
Both boys take off to complete their tasks and Remus scoops you up, carrying you all the way up to your dorm. He walks into the bathroom and turns on the cold water before stepping in and sitting down with you still cradled in his arms.
After a few minutes, you finally start stirring, and Remus releases the breath he had been holding. You lift your head up and try to push Remus away, only for him to grab your hand and set it back down. Struggling to keep your eyes open, you try to push yourself off of him again.
“Go away.” You mumble. “You’ll catch a cold.”
“I don’t care.” Remus shakes his head. By now you’re both absolutely soaked. His jumper is sopping wet and weighing him down, and he keeps having to push his hair back from his face to be able to even see you. “We have to bring your temperature down.”
“Moony, just leave.” You beg. “Please.”
“I’m not going anywhere, love.” He says softly.
“Why?!” You shout in frustration. “It’s only gonna get worse! I’m gonna get worse! Why would you stay?!”
Because some days I think I fancy you but other days it feels like more, Remus thinks to himself. Because you’re lovely. Because you saw the very worst part of me, and didn’t run away. Because you’re beautiful and kind, and deserve good things and I wanna be the one to give them to you.
“Because we’re friends.” Remus tells you, wiping the blood from your mouth with a smile. “That’s what friends do. They stick by each other. Through thick and thin. So you can push me away as much as you’d like, I’m not leaving you.”
You look at Remus, who’s sitting with you, fully clothed in the shower, just to bring your temperature down and the only thought running through your head is Uh oh, I’m falling in love.
Your eyes fill with tears but you manage to give Remus a grateful smile before burying your face into his chest.
“Please don’t leave me.” You whisper.
You don’t know if he heard you, with how low you spoke and how loud the running water is. Regardless, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him as the cold water washes over you both.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
“Y/N.” Peter whines. “Come on! They’re serving pumpkin pancakes today.”
You roll over in bed and bring the blanket higher up, stopping just under your chin.
“I’m not hungry.” You mumble.
“You don’t have to eat!” Sirius offers. “You could just have a hot chocolate if you want.”
“Yeah!” James chimes in, trying to tug the blanket off of you. “Just come down and sit with us. Please?”
“Don’t want to.” You mumble, back still turned on your friends.
“Why not?” Sirius asks softly, frowning when he hears you sniffle. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why’re you crying?”
“Because! It’s such a nice day out.” You cry. “It’s sunny but not too hot and it’s windy and there are lots of clouds in the sky. It's a beautiful day and all I want is to take a stroll around the Black Lake but I can’t! Because I’m too fucking weak! I can’t even stand up without getting dizzy and I just- It’s not fair! I can’t do anything anymore!”
The boys look at each other at a complete loss for words. It’s moments like these where their hearts break all over again for you. Not only are you physically sick, not only did you have to drop your elective classes and give up on your apprenticeship; but now you can’t do something as simple as taking a walk outside.
“So, no! I don’t want to eat pumpkin pancakes and I don’t want to drink hot chocolate! I want to be alone! Please!”
Remus nods his head and gestures for everyone to make their way to the door.
“Why don’t you just get some rest, love. We’ll…we’ll check in on you later.” He says softly before they all leave your dorm room.
Once you hear your door close, you close your eyes, hoping you’ll feel better when you wake up.
You don’t know exactly how much time has passed when you’re shaken awake by Remus.
“Y/N.” He calls softly. “Time to wake up, love.”
“Go away,” You groan, rolling over in bed.
“I have a surprise for you.”
You immediately open your eyes and look at him questioningly.
“What is it?”
“I’m not telling.” Remus smiles causing you to huff. “If you wanna see it you have to come downstairs.”
“Moony, no.” You whine. “I really just-“
“It’ll be quick.” Remus cuts you off. “Just one minute and if you don’t like it, you can come back to bed.”
“Fine.” You sigh, sitting up in bed and rubbing your eyes. “Let me just get changed.”
You’re wearing one of Remus’ jumpers, and have no plans of taking it off. Instead, you change out of your sleep shorts and put on a pair of corduroy trousers before slipping on your sneakers.
“Ready?” Remus asks after you hastily brush out your hair.
“As I’ll ever be.” You sigh, tossing your comb onto the bed.
Remus grabs your hand and you smile at the small act of affection before turning your gaze to the ground. Remus leads you out to the courtyard, stopping in front of a bicycle of all things. It’s black, with white wheels, and a metal rack over the back wheel.
“Ta-da!” He announces proudly. “I got it from Hagrid. It’s a bicycle!”
“I…can see that…” You stutter in confusion. “Why- why is it here?”
“You said you wanted to take a stroll around the Black Lake, right?”
“Yeah?”
“So hop on!” He says, taking a seat on the bike.
“You’re being serious?” You ask with an excited smile. There’s no way Remus is actually gonna pedal you around the lake, right?
Remus simply pats the seat behind him.
“Your chariot awaits.”
Remus turns back around and starts messing with handles, laughing to himself when the bell attached actually rings. You watch him with a soft smile, all the while thinking to yourself Oh no, I’m falling in love again.
“Y/N!” Remus calls, pulling you out of your thinking.
“Huh?”
“Are you coming or not?” He asks with a chuckle.
“Yeah!” You nod, taking a seat on the metal rack and wrapping your arms around his waist.
“Hold on tight!” He calls over his shoulder at you before he starts pedaling.
Remus rides around the Black Lake several times, with you laughing and smiling the whole time. This was all you wanted; to take a stroll around the lake, to feel the sun on your skin and the wind through your hair, and somehow, Remus found a way to make it happen.
“Can we go around once more?” You beg when he comes to a stop. “Please??”
“Anything for you, love.” He nods, taking off once more around the lake.
James walks out of the great hall with a plate of food, wanting to drop it off for you, only to hear your laughter from across the courtyard. He turns his head and sees you and Remus riding around on a bicycle. Remus takes a sharp turn that causes you to shriek before you throw your head back in laughter.
James takes a deep breath before tensely nodding his head. He turns around and starts heading towards the Gryffindor tower, throwing your plate of food into a trash bin as he passes by.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
“Bad luck that the roof of the Shrieking Shack caved in.” Sirius comments as the boys walk further into the Forbidden Forest.
“Yeah.” Remus sighs. “Stupid storm came out of nowhere.”
“It’s okay.” Peter says, “Dumbledore said it’ll be fixed by next week.”
“We don’t need it fixed next week.” James reminds him. “The full moon is tonight.”
“Think of it this way, guys,” Sirius calls. “When was the last time we got to run around the Forest in our animagus forms?”
Remus, Peter, and James all nod their heads in agreement. He’s right. At least they won’t be confined to a small room tonight, they’ll be able to run around all over the forest.
“Is Y/N sitting this one out too?” Peter asks.
“Yeah” Remus nods. “She’ll probably be cross with me, but it’s for the best. She’s had a hard week, she needs to be resting.”
The boys all voice their agreement, only to stop when they hear the distinct sound of leaves crunching.
“Do you hear that?” James asks with a frown.
“Someone’s coming.” Sirius says.
The marauders hold their breath as the sound of footsteps gets closer, only for you to step out of the clearing. You come to a stop when you see your four friends, only to run towards them, towards Remus with a beaming smile.
Remus automatically steps away from the group and starts heading in your direction, meeting you halfway as if there’s some sort of a gravitational pull, as if his body knows it belongs in your orbit, his comet.
“Surprise!” You shout, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“You shouldn’t have!” Remus scolds, hugging you back before pulling away, keeping you at arms length as he looks at you.
“And let you guys have all the fun? I don’t think so.”
“You should be-“
“With you.” You interrupt.
“Resting.” Remus corrects. “You should be resting.”
“I’ll rest tomorrow.” You assure him. “You need me tonight.”
Remus feels as if his heart could burst with the amount of love that he feels for you in that moment.
“Thank you, love.” He whispers softly, words only meant to be heard amongst the two of you.
“Anything for my Moony.” You whisper back with a smile.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
Remus wakes up the following morning in the hospital wing, like always. He looks to his left, like always, and feels immediate disappointment when he doesn’t see you there.
“Do hide your enthusiasm.” Sirius teases with a smirk.
“No.” Remus shakes his head, groaning as he sits up. “Of course I’m happy that you’re here.”
“Right.” Sirius rolls his eyes. “Don’t worry. Your girl will be back soon. She’s just getting her bandages changed.”
Remus can’t even enjoy having you be referred to as his girl because all he can think about is the fact that you’re injured.
“Bandages?” Remus asks, looking at Sirius with a frown.
Sirius looks at Remus with wide eyes.
“Bandages? Did I say bandages? I meant-“ He hears the door open and close and sighs in relief.
“Oh, thank godric.” He exclaims, standing up and disappearing behind the curtain. “He’s all yours. Good luck.” Sirius whispers as he passes you by.
You walk in with a smile though Remus frowns the moment he sees you. You have a bandage going across your left shoulder, blood already seeping through even though you’ve just gotten it changed.
“Oh no.” Remus groans.
“Hey-“
“Oh, I’m gonna be sick.”
“Moony, stop.”
“I did that.” He cries. “I hurt you.”
“No.” You shake your head. “You didn’t.”
“I did.” Remus insists, eyes filling with tears as he continues to look at the bandage. “I hurt you. I promised myself I wouldn’t and I-“
“Moony, I’m fine.” You insist. But he refuses to listen.
“Oh, my god. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Remus, stop!” You shout, finally getting his attention. “It was my own fault, okay? I got too close.”
“Don’t.” Remus says grimly. “Don’t you dare try to blame yourself for this.”
“I’m not blaming anyone.” You shake your head. “You shouldn’t either.”
“But I-“
“I knew the risk.” You cut him off. “I always know the risks of going out there. It doesn’t matter, Moony.”
“It doesn’t matter?” He repeats incredulously. “How could you say that? I’ve maimed you. I’ve ruined your beautiful, soft skin with a horrid scar.”
“Horrid? I don’t think it’s too bad.” You frown, looking at your shoulder. “I quite like it.”
“You like it?” Remus repeats with a shocked laugh.
“Yeah.” You nod with a smile. “I think it makes me look tough.”
You flex your arms and tell him to feel your muscles, muscles that you both know aren’t there. Remus rolls his eyes in amusement at your teasing.
“Will it look like your scars?” You ask curiously. “Once it’s healed, I mean…”
“Yeah.” Remus nods sadly. “Werewolf scars are permanent. Sorry, love.”
“Mm.” You shrug carelessly. “Wouldn’t be my first.” You comment, lifting up your pant leg to show him the scar you got last summer when you and your cousins wanted to jump a fence instead of going all the way around.
“Besides, I’m pretty sure I could pull this off.” You continue to tease. “What do you think?”
“I think you’re beautiful.” Remus says honestly, struggling to stay awake. “And no amount of scars could ever change that.”
“Thanks, Moony.” You say with an embarrassed laugh, not at all used to being complimented so bluntly. “I think you’re quite beautiful, too.”
When Remus doesn’t say anything, you look up at him and find him snoring softly.
“Good night, Moony.” You whisper, standing up. “I’ll stop by later.”
You walk into your dorm, determined to take a nap and get some rest yourself. You throw yourself onto your bed, but groan in annoyance when you hear something fall off of it. Sitting up with a huff, you look around and find Remus’ book on the floor.
“Shoot.” You curse, when you see that the book landed open but faced down. You place your index finger in the middle so as to not lose what page he was on and then pick the book up. You groan again, when this time, a piece of paper floats down to the floor.
“Fuck!”
You quickly lean down and pick up the paper. You’re about to shove it into his book and be done with it when the writing on the bottom catches your attention.
My Comet ★━━─
You look up, mind absolutely racing. Comet? Like the girl he told you about? The girl he has feelings for?
You scan the piece of paper in your hand, taking in the white rectangle shape with a black square. It looks…like the back of a polaroid. Which means that if you turn it around, you’ll see who this girl is.
But should you? It would be an invasion of privacy, wouldn’t it? I mean, Remus had it tucked away in his book for a reason. Then again, he left the book in your room. So he must trust you with it, with all of it, right? Including this polaroid?
You go back and forth for a few minutes, weighing out the pros and cons before finally deciding that you’ll look. Just a quick little peek. Just to fill your curiosity. Afterwards, you’ll put it back and you’ll never speak a word about it.
Releasing a shaky breath, you slowly turn the polaroid over; and when you do, your eyes widen in shock. The polaroid is a picture of you and Remus from your birthday party last year. You’re posing in front of the cake with an overjoyed smile, and Remus has his arms wrapped around you, hugging you from behind. On the bottom are the words Y/N’s 17th birthday. ‘76
You stare at the polaroid for a long time before finally putting it back in his book and sitting down on your bed, at a complete loss for words.
Series Summary - Truth or Dare? A harmless teenage game gone wrong when spoken by the man holding you hostage. And when you’re feelings for your best friend come to light after fifteen years, how will you and Spencer cope in the aftermath?
A/N - rewrite of the Jeid confession with reader. Lots of details of JJ and Spencer’s past have been rewritten. Present day is 2020 to keep in line with canon. Spencer met Max much earlier on. Thank you to the lovely @pinkiceee-prose for reading this through for me and coming along for this journey 🖤
Pairing - Spencer Reid / BAU Fem! Reader
Category - friends to lovers | mutual pining | angst with happy ending | smut minors DNI
General Series Warnings - smut, mutual pining, canon compliant violence, abusive relationship, cheating. Each chapter will have its own warnings.
Coming Soon
Part One - Truth Or Dare?
Part Two - Never Have I Ever
Part Three - Hide and Seek
Part Four - Dominoes
Part Five - Red Light, Green Light
Very small snippet under the cut.
The world stood still. For what could have only equated to five seconds, the world stood still.
Five seconds somehow felt like an entire lifetime, where all outside stimuli faded from vision, sounds disappearing before they could hit eardrums. The way his wrists and knee and the rest of his body had ached and throbbed just moments ago slipped away.
The world stood still. All he could see was you and all he could hear were the words you’d spoken five seconds before that had caused the earth to suddenly stop turning on its axis with the weight of them.
For five seconds, which felt like five hours, he saw the last fifteen years flash before his eyes. Every subtle glance, every tiny smile; every accidental touch. Every word ever shared between the two of you that he’d catalogued in his brain came spiralling forth, flooding his senses to the point he wasn’t sure he could breathe.
For five seconds it was simply you and him and those words you’d spoken at the worst possible time. But you’d said it. And he heard it. He just had no idea what he was supposed to do with it now.
There was once a time when hearing those words spoken from your lips to his ears was all he had ever wanted. He’d imagined you saying them to him more times than was healthy, so often in fact there were instances in which he actually managed to convince himself you had said them.
But you never had. Not until now.
And now he had no idea how he was supposed to begin processing those words, especially in the situation in which you had finally spoken the one thing he’d always wanted to hear you say.
He wanted to respond, he wanted to tell you he felt the same, he’d always felt the same. For fifteen long years he’d carried his unrequited feelings for you like a led weight upon his shoulders. They’d dragged him down a little more each day, at this point he found he was almost entirely buried under the burden of his feelings.
And then you’d gone and said that and he didn’t know how he was supposed to respond.
The words were spinning and turning, ruminating in his brain and he forgot for those five seconds where you were and what was going on around you. He stopped trying to cut through the tape binding his wrists, stopped thinking about getting to his ankle hostler.
He stopped thinking about the crazed unsub standing just three feet away brandishing a gun at the both of you, his sick and twisted game of Truth or Dare coming to an abrupt end with the uttering of those.
“Spence, uh...I have always loved you. I was too scared to say it before... and now things are just really too complicated to say it now. I'm sorry, but you should know.”
Remus shivers the moment he steps into the room of requirement. Looking for you, he wonders why it’s so cold. The whole point of the room of requirement is to transform itself into whatever the witch or wizard needs. He can’t help but question why you need it to be as cold as a freezer.
“Love?” He calls as he walks further into the room with a plate of food in his hands. “Are you in here?”
Remus passes the bookcases and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees you in bed, tucked under the covers as you snore softly. He sets the plate of food on the nightstand and brushes your hair out of your face ever so gently, careful not to wake you. He frowns when he feels how warm your cheek is.
Remus puts his hand on your forehead and curses. You’re burning up. He scans your form and notices that even though you’re hot to the touch and covered under three blankets, you’re shivering.
That’s why the room is so cold, he thinks to himself. It’s trying to bring down your temperature.
“Y/N, wake up.” Remus says as he shakes your shoulder.
You groan and roll over, turning your back to him. He rips the blankets off of you, causing you to whine and ball yourself up into a fetal position, looking for the warmth he’s just stolen from you. Remus leaves your side for less than a minute, running a washcloth under cold water before coming back, only to find that you’ve covered yourself with the blankets once again.
“Love, you have to wake up.” Remus urges, pulling the blankets off of you again. “You have a fever.”
You whine, forcing your eyes open as you roll onto your back.
“Moony?” You mumble sleepily, unsure if he’s actually in front of you or if this is a dream you’re having.
Remus takes the opportunity to place the washcloth on your forehead. You immediately groan in discomfort.
“No.” You whine childishly, taking the washcloth off and throwing it on the bed.
“Y/N, stop.” Remus scolds gently, grabbing the washcloth and holding it to your forehead.
You reach a hand up to try to remove the washcloth again but Remus stops you, much to your frustration.
“You’re being mean.” You mumble weakly.
“I’m trying to help you.” He sighs.
“It’s cold.” You tell him as you continue to shiver. “I don’t like it.”
“I know, love. I’m sorry.” Remus apologizes. “I’m so sorry, but I have to. We have to bring your fever down.”
Too tired to fight him, you close your eyes as you lay there, letting him hold the washcloth to your forehead. After a few minutes your temperature has gone down a bit and Remus takes the washcloth off. He sets it on the counter before grabbing the bottle of tylenol conveniently waiting for him.
“Are you asleep?” He whispers softly.
“No, I’m awake,” You mumble. “Just tired.”
“Here, take this.” He asks, placing two tablets in your hand.
Sighing, you force your eyes open, blinking a few times to get them to adjust.
“It’s tylenol.” Remus informs you.
You nod, popping them into your mouth before reaching for the glass of water. You sit up the tiniest bit, Remus helping hold the cup steady for you as you take a sip.
“Do you want more water?” He asks, still holding the glass in his hands. When you shake your head, he sets it on the nightstand. Remus watches in concern as you once again close your eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Mm?” You open your eyes once more and nod, giving him the best smile you can, though it isn’t much, just the slightest twitch of your lips. “Yeah.”
You sit up in bed, back leaning against the headboard as Remus cautiously takes a seat next to you.
“What are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be in class?” You ask, unaware of how much time has actually passed.
“Class is over.” Remus tells you with a frown. “You missed dinner…I brought you food.”
“What? What time is it?” You ask, more awake now.
“9:15.” Remus tells you which causes your eyes to widen.
“I was asleep for nine hours?!”
“I guess.” Remus shrugs. “Why are you so sick? Is it your hanahaki? Did you have another episode?”
Wordlessly, you nod your head.
“Was it bad?”
Again, you can only nod your head.
“What happened?”
“James found me when I was doing homework. He wanted to talk.” You tell him, avoiding his gaze.
“Okay.” Remus nods. “There’s nothing wrong with talking. Was he mean to you again? Did you guys argue?”
“No.” You shake your head. “Not this time. He apologized for everything and then we went for a butterbeer. It almost felt like everything was back to normal…”
“Okay…” Remus nods again, frowning when he sees your eyes starting to water. “And what happened after you guys got a butterbeer?”
“James-” You start, only to cut yourself off when you feel your stomach turning. You take a deep breath before trying again. “He-“
The very thought of what he did has you jumping out of bed and running to the bathroom. Remus hurries after you, holding your hair back as you start throwing up. He grimaces as you continue to throw up flower after flower.
When you’re finally done, you lean against the wall and take several gasping breaths, desperately trying to get air back in your lungs. Remus immediately pulls the extra inhaler he’s started carrying from his pocket and hands it to you, watching as you take several pumps before your breathing finally returns to normal.
“What happened?” He asks, wide eyed.
“James kissed me.” You blurt out.
“What?” Remus asks breathlessly.
“I mean, he tried to!” You correct with a shake of your head. “But I pushed him away! And then he said it was a mistake. And he asked me to not tell Lily about it.”
“What the fuck?” Remus curses. “What the hell was he thinking?”
“I don’t know!” You cry before you start coughing up flowers for a second time.
“We have to take you to Madam Pomfrey.” Remus urges when you’ve stopped throwing up, a pile of daffodils now sitting beside you.
“No.” You shake your head, shakily standing up and placing a hand on the wall for support. “She can’t do anything for me. Just get me to bed.”
“Y/N, she’s a healer.” Remus insists. “She can-“
“Help me?” You cut him off with a sad chuckle. “She can’t! Nobody can! Don’t you get it? There’s no cure for this, Moony! There’s no medication! There’s no treatment plan! Either I get the surgery or I die!”
“What?” He asks softly, heart dropping when what you’re telling him sinks in. “Well, what if you talk to him?”
“Who?”
“James.” Remus says. He hates himself for even bringing it up, but if it’ll save you, if it’ll keep you from dying, then Remus can set his feelings aside. Your well-being is what matters most. “Maybe if we explained it to him, if he knew-“
“Knew that I love him?” You finish before shaking your head. “It wouldn’t matter. It wouldn’t make a difference.”
“You don’t know that.” Remus tells you with a frown.
“Except I do. Did you not listen to me, Moony? He said it was a mistake! He doesn’t know why he did it! He didn’t mean to! He asked me not to tell Lily for fuck’s sake!”
“Y/N,” Remus sighs sadly, hating that you’re crying and that he’s to blame, since he brought it up in the first place.
“He doesn’t love me, Remus! He loves Lily! He’ll always love her! She is who he will choose every fucking time! And I just…I have to live with that.” You tell him with a defeated shrug of your shoulders.
“Can you just help me get to bed?” You plead. “I’ll be fine by morning, I promise. I just need some rest. I need to lay down.”
“Okay.” He nods, not wanting to upset you further. “Sure.”
Remus helps you get in bed, and then pulls the blankets over you, tucking you in.
“He’s not.” You sigh as soon as your head hits the pillow.
“Sorry?” Remus asks, head tilting to one side in confusion.
“Last time. You asked if James was worth it.” You clarify. “He’s not.”
Remus looks at you with a frown, unsure of what to say. You give him a sad smile before closing your eyes.
“Good night, Moony.”
“Get some rest, love.” Remus says softly. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Remus stops just in front of the door before looking over his shoulder one final time. He watches the steady rise and fall of your chest and sighs. Who is he kidding? There’s no way he could leave you. Not on your own. Not like this.
That being said, he grabs a book from the shelf and takes a seat by the fireplace. He stays up all night reading, checking on you every half hour to make sure you were breathing alright and that your fever didn’t come back. He slips out at the last possible minute, having skipped breakfast and just barely making it to Charms in time. But it’s worth it. Even as his stomach rumbles and his eyes droop while he takes his notes, it’s worth it.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
To Remus’ dismay, you’re not better by morning. James’ “almost kiss” caused more harm than Remus originally thought. You end up missing class for the rest of the week. And you don’t go to the great hall for any meals.
He brings you food but you hardly eat it, saying you don’t have much appetite. You don’t read, or work on any puzzles. You don’t even watch tv. Every time he walks into the room of requirement you’re either sleeping or throwing up more flowers. And it scares the absolute fuck out of him. It scares Remus so much that he goes to Madam Pomfrey for help.
Unfortunately, she confirms what you told him. There’s no cure or treatment plan. Hanahaki isn’t supposed to exist. Not anymore. You’re not supposed to have it. But you do, and nobody knows what to do about it; especially since you won’t get the surgery.
The best they can do is manage your symptoms, but even that is an obstacle in itself because Madam Pomfrey isn’t your primary doctor; that’s Dr. Derwent at St. Mungo’s. If you go to Madam Pomfrey complaining of any pain or discomfort, she has to owl Dr. Derwent to see what can be done about it. Dr. Derwent and her team spend hours researching medications and potions that they can give you, wanting to make sure it won’t cause you any more harm or make your hanahaki worse. They have to refer to ancient texts and outdated books before they’re able to give Madam Pomfrey some sort of answer, leaving you to just suffer through it more often than not.
Remus can’t help but be angry at the whole situation and start to resent James because it’s not fair. Why do you have to be punished for falling in love? Why do you have to lock yourself away in an isolated room, suffering, scared and alone, while James gets to strut around the castle, chasing after Lily without a care in the world?
Remus has always hated being a werewolf. He would never wish it upon anyone, not even his worst enemy. But for once in his life, he finds himself being grateful for it because at least he gets to get better. Every full moon he’ll turn into a wolf and if he manages to get hurt, he’ll be in the infirmary for one or two days but then he’s fine. After a while he recovers and he’s back to normal but you…you stay sick.
And that’s what hurts Remus the most. You’re there for him during the full moon and you’re there for him afterwards, sitting by his bed and changing his dressings but then he’s better. But as much as Remus loves you, there’s nothing he can do to help you. Not really. Sure, he can hold your hair back and wipe the blood from your mouth, and bring you tea to soothe your throat but at the end of the day you’re still sick. You’re still dying. And it’s so unfair because you’re the one person he loves wholeheartedly. You’re the one person he wants to help the most and yet there isn’t anything he can do besides be there for you; which he is, but it just doesn’t feel like it’s enough.
“Moony?”
“Yeah?” He asks, looking up to see James, Peter, and Sirius staring at him.
“Y/N.” Sirius repeats. “Is she meeting us there?”
“Oh. No.” He shakes his head. “Not tonight.”
“But it’s a full moon.” Peter mumbles in confusion.
“Yes. I’m aware.” Remus nods.
“She never misses a full moon.”
“Yes Wormtail, I’m aware of that, too.” Remus sighs.
“Then why isn’t she-“
“She’s sick, okay?” Remus tells them.
“Still?” Sirius asks with a frown. “She’s been sick all week.”
“Yeah, it’s kinda bad.” Remus says honestly.
“Maybe we can stop by the infirmary and visit her afterwards.” James suggests when he sees Peter's worried frown.
“Well, maybe not you.” Remus says matter-of-factly. “She’s been staying in the room of requirement. You and I both know you haven’t had the best luck when it comes to the room letting you in.”
It’s a low blow and they both know it.
“Why is she in the room of requirement anyway?” Sirius asks curiously as James glares at Remus.
“Because she wants to be alone.”
“Doesn’t stop you from going in there several times a day,” James says bitterly.
“Because she wants me there.” Remus replies coolly. “But of course you know that. If she didn’t, the room wouldn’t open its doors for me, remember? Like it won’t open its doors for you.”
Peter and Sirius share an uneasy look as James and Remus continue to tensely stare at each other.
“Pretty defensive, aren’t you?” James asks.
“Not at all.” Remus denies with a shake of his head. “I’m just protective of my friend.”
“She’s my friend, too.” James counters.
“Could’ve fooled me.” Remus shrugs casually. “It’s been days and yet you haven’t asked about her once. Any particular reason?”
James’ eyes widen the slightest bit as he stares at Remus. Does he know? Did you tell him?
“Does there have to be a reason?” James counters, albeit a bit nervously. “I’m giving her space. Respecting her privacy.”
“Right.” Remus chuckles. “Because you’re so good at that.”
“Alright guys! Whatever’s going on between you, save it for another day.” Sirius orders as they come to a stop in front of the shrieking shack. “This isn’t the fucking time.”
Remus and James glare at each other one last time before walking into the room.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
As far as transformations go, this has been one of the hardest ones Remus has had in a while. Just like he finds comfort in your presence, the wolf version of himself feels more at ease whenever you’re around. The fact that you weren’t there had the wolf acting more violent and aggressive than it had been in the past year.
The marauders did their best to help, but it was clear that what they needed, what Remus needed, was you. He threw furniture across the room, he clawed at the walls, he clawed at himself- much to their horror, and he howled every thirty minutes, hoping you would come. And when you didn’t, he’d throw more things around. At one point he even tried to leave the shrieking shack, wanting to go out to look for you, but Sirius- Padfoot was able to stop him from leaving.
Laying in one of the beds, groaning softly, Remus flinches when he hears the door to the infirmary slam open. He hears a pair of feet running across the room before his curtain is suddenly pulled back.
“Moony.” You sniffle when you see him lying there.
“Y/N!” Remus exclaims in surprise, struggling to sit up. He wasn’t expecting you to be here. He thought you’d still be in bed. After all, it’s still pretty early. “What are you doing here?”
“I-I’m so sorry.” You cry, pulling up a chair and grabbing his hand as you sit down. “I came as soon as I could. I overslept… I don’t know how. I set an alarm, I swear! But I-I let you down. I’m so sorry.”
“No, love.” Remus shakes his head, bringing his hand up to wipe your tears away. “You didn’t let me down. I…I turned your alarm off.”
“What?” You ask with a sniffle. “Why would you do that? I always come.”
“I know you do, love.” Remus nods, giving you a kind, albeit tired smile. “And I love you for it. I appreciate you always taking care of me, but I have to take care of you, too.”
You look up at him with a confused frown and Remus can’t help but chuckle.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. You just look so cute when you pout like that.” He teases, poking your bottom lip.
Your face burns as you swat his hand away and Remus lets you, gazing at you with a fond smile.
“You’ve had a rough week.” Remus reminds you, not that he needs to.
“You needed me.” You argue weakly.
“You needed to rest.” He answers.
You open your mouth to argue some more but Remus beats you to it.
“I needed you to rest. I would never forgive myself if you went out in your current state and got hurt.”
“My current state.” You scoff with a roll of your eyes. “You make it sound as if I’m-“
Remus gives you a pointed look and you sheepishly smile at him.
“Go ahead.” He nods with a sarcastic grin. “Finish that sentence.”
“Me getting hurt is always a possibility when we go out.” You settle on instead.
“You think I don’t know that?” Remus asks. “It’s in the back of my mind every full moon. As much as I love having you there with me, it scares the life out of me.”
“But it shouldn’t.” You argue. “I know you would never willingly hurt me. If I do get hurt, whether by you or some other creature in the forbidden forest, I’m okay with it.”
“How could you possibly be okay with that?” Remus asks, confusion evident in his voice and his features.
“Well…because it’s you.” You shrug as you trace the lines on the palm of his hand. “And you’re worth it, Moony. You’re always worth it.”
Remus’ heart warms when he hears you say that. He hates the thought of you getting hurt for him, or worse, because of him. He’ll do everything he can to keep you safe in every sense of the word, but hearing you say that he’s worth it, especially when just a few days ago you said that James isn’t… Remus can’t lie, it feels nice.
He looks up and suddenly feels insecure when he sees the way you’re looking at him, eyes roving over his chest and face. He shyly looks away, gaze focused on the blanket as he avoids your eyes.
“Yeah….Kinda had a rough night myself.” He chuckles nervously.
“I can see that.” You hum. “Does it hurt?”
“No.” Remus shakes his head. “It’s not half as bad as it looks…and it does look quite bad.”
“I don’t think it looks too bad.” You muse, taking in the bloodied bandages on his chest. “These won’t even be noticeable when you’re dressed.”
“I’m afraid the same can’t be said for these hideous things.” He jokes, well, tries to, gesturing to the three scars that are now going across his face, the skin still red and raised.
“Moony, you’re being mean.” You scold with another pout.
Remus’ eyes drop to your lips for a fleeting moment before he forces them back up.
“I’m being honest.” He shakes his head.
“Says who?” You ask, with a raised brow. “I like them.”
“You like…my scars?” Remus repeats insecurely.
“Mm-hmm.” You nod firmly, confidently. “I’ve always liked them. Especially when I learned about how you got them.”
“You mean when you learned-“
“When I learned about how strong and brave you are to go through this every month?” You interrupt before he can say something self deprecating. “Yes.”
“I don’t know about all that.” Remus says with a bashful smile as he avoids your gaze.
“Well, lucky for you, I do. Your scars are a part of you, Remus. They’re beautiful; just like the rest of you. It’s okay if you don’t like them.” You tell him honestly with a shrug. “I like them twice as much.”
“Alright, Remus.” Madam Pomfrey greets with a smile, setting a basin of water down on the counter. “Shall we change your bandages?”
“I’ll do it.” You offer, already standing up and gently removing the bandages on his chest.
“You sure, love?” She asks, same as she does every month.
“Mm-hmm.” You nod, frowning when a part of the bandage won’t budge, the dried blood having gotten stuck to his wound. You grab a washcloth and dip it in the warm water, wringing it out before gently dabbing the area. Once it’s wet, the bandage comes right off with no pain on Remus’ end.
“I got this.” You smile at her before turning to Remus, eyes wide with worry. “You okay?”
“Perfect.” Remus sighs, watching you work with a soft gaze. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”
“I know.” You nod, throwing the bloodied bandages in the trash and dipping the washcloth in water again. “I want to.”
“Even though it’s gross?” Remus teases, remembering when you didn’t want him to clean you up. “I mean, it is blood.”
“I don’t care.” You tell him, rolling your eyes at his teasing. “It’s you.”
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
“Wow, you guys look like shit.” JJ says the second you and Remus sit down.
“It’s been a hell of a week.” You sigh, grabbing a piece of toast and taking a bite.
“Emphasis on hell.” He mumbles, grunting when Kiara elbows him, quite roughly, in the ribs.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, narrowing your eyes at him.
JJ scans the table and immediately shakes his head with a smile when all his friends give him a pointed look.
“Nothing! Nothing at all! You look great! Both of you!”
“You just said-“
“I was just kidding!” He cuts you off. “Learn to take a joke, will ya?”
“I will when you learn how to make one.” You answer.
“Me-ow!” JJ teases, making a paw with his hand at you, causing you to roll your eyes. “What are you guys doing tonight?”
You and Remus look at each other and shrug before looking back at JJ.
“Nothing…it’s Sunday…” You tell him.
“Then you should stop by our common room later! We’re having a little get together. It’s gonna be super chill.”
“You’re having a party?” Remus asks.
“It’s Sunday.” You repeat, looking at JJ and his friends.
“One thing about us, Y/N. If we wanna party, we will party. So…see you there?” JJ asks, looking between you and Remus.
“Yeah.” You nod. “Sure, why not.”
It’s been a while since you’ve been to a party. Too long, if you’re being honest. Maybe this’ll be fun. Maybe this is just what you need to unwind.
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
A few hours later you find yourself in the Gryffindor common room waiting for Remus to join you. You turn around with a smile when you hear someone come down the stairs only to see James standing a few feet away from you.
“Oh. Hey James.” You greet politely.
“Hey.” He breathes. “What are…what are you doing here?”
“It’s…the common room.” You tell him, brows furrowed in confusion.
“Right. Of course.” He stutters, shaking his head at himself. “How are you?”
“Fine.” You shrug.
“Moony said that you were sick?” James asks.
“I was.” You nod.
You and James stand in an awkward silence for all of sixty seconds before he can’t take it anymore.
“Are we okay?” He asks suddenly.
“Yeah? Why wouldn't we be?” You ask with a confused laugh.
“It’s just-I haven’t seen you in a while. I missed you.”
“Well, I was sick. Remember?” You ask him with another shaky laugh, hoping Remus would hurry up and come downstairs. “And then I had a few assignments I had to make up from the week that I missed…”
“Right.” James nods. “Yeah, of course.”
He tries not to think too much on the fact that you completely ignored him saying he misses you, or the fact that you didn’t say it back.
“It just feels like you’re avoiding me or something.”
You freeze for only a moment before shaking your head.
“No. Never.” You chuckle, desperately hoping Remus would show up.
“Are you sure?” James presses. “Because we haven’t really talked recently.”
“I haven’t had anything to say.” You shrug with a forced grin.
“Y/N,” James sighs. “I already apologized.”
“I-I know.” You nod.
“It was an accident, a mistake. It should have never happened.”
“Didn’t we already have this conversation?” You ask, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t really see the point in having it again.”
“I don’t want things to be weird between us.”
“Then why did you try to kiss me?”
James opens his mouth but no words come out. Why did he try to kiss you?
“Okay! I’m ready!” Remus calls as he finally steps into the common room. He freezes when he sees you and James standing in front of each other, clearly in the middle of a tense conversation.
“Took you long enough!” You tease with a smile, immediately stepping away from James and walking towards Remus.
“Shut it.” He laughs with a roll of his eyes before taking in your outfit. “You look lovely.”
“Thank you.” You smile at him shyly. “Ready to go?”
“Where are you guys going?” James asks, looking between the two of you.
“Oh. Just this get together. It’s small, not a lot of people.” Remus tells him, casually throwing an arm around your shoulder. James follows the movement with his eyes, before looking at you with a frown.
“Like, a party?” James asks, hurt that he wasn’t invited.
“Sort of?” You shrug, avoiding his gaze. “JJ’s hosting and I know you don’t really like him…”
“I don’t mind.” James shrugs immediately. “I can be courteous. Besides, it’s not like he’s the only person who’ll be there, right?”
“Right…” You nod apprehensively.
James looks at you with hopeful eyes and you shoot a quick look at Remus who shakes his head the tiniest bit. As angry and hurt you are by James’ actions, he’s still your friend. That being said, against your better judgment, you shrug your shoulders.
“Do you…want to come with us? To the party?” You ask, hoping he’ll say no but knowing that he won’t.
“Sure!” He nods with a smile. “It’s been a while since we’ve partied together! It’ll be fun!”
“Yeah.” Remus sighs giving you an unsure look, as you both follow James out the door. “So much fun.”
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
James, like always, is the center of attention. As soon as he walked in, he had all eyes on him, people of all houses surrounding him as he talked about quidditch plays and past pranks he’s pulled. The more he drank, the more bold he got, shouting and laughing and dancing obnoxiously loud, seemingly doing everything he can to get your eyes to land on him, if only for a moment.
“I can’t believe you asked him to come.” Remus says as you both stand off to the side.
“He was standing right in front of us! What was I supposed to say?”
“That he wasn’t invited?” Remus offers, laughing when you elbow him.
“He’s our friend.” You reason.
“Hardly.” Remus scoffs, holding his hands up in surrender when you frown at him. “Sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just, this was supposed to be fun. Now you can’t even enjoy the party because he’s here.”
“Is it that obvious?” You ask sheepishly.
“That you guys are fighting again? That it’s awkward between you for the hundredth time? Yeah.” Remus nods with a grimace, taking a sip of his drink. “Do you wanna leave?”
“No.” You shake your head. “He hasn’t come over here yet. I honestly doubt he will at his point. It’ll be fine.”
You look around and frown when you don’t see your drink anywhere.
“Where’s my drink?” You ask, looking around the table you had just set it down on.
“Is that it?” He asks, pointing to a blonde girl who had just passed by. You immediately recognize the cup as your own because part of the top is bent from where you had been picking at it.
“Yeah.” You sigh in defeat, causing Remus to laugh.
“Stay here. I’ll go get you another.” He says, walking away before you can talk him out of it.
You look up with a smile when someone comes to a stop in front of you, only to find James standing in front of you.
“James.” You sigh.
“We didn’t finish our conversation earlier,” He mumbles, swaying gently.
“Yes we did.” You tell him, reaching a hand out to steady him.
“Are we okay?” He asks again.
“Yes, James.” You nod, “We’re fine.”
“Then why don’t we feel fine?” He asks with a pout. “It feels weird between us. I don’t like it. I don’t want things to be weird between you and me.”
“Then you shouldn’t have kissed me.” You say bluntly, staring up at him.
James blinks owlishly at you.
“You should have known that would change things. You should have known that would make things awkward between us.”
“I- I didn’t mean to.” James frowns with a shake of his head, words coming out slurred due to all the drinks he’s had. “That’s not what I was trying to do. I was just trying to tell you- to show you that you were wrong- that you are desirable!”
“A pity kiss?” You scoff, getting mad all over again. “That’s what that was?”
“Yes! I mean, no!” James stutters, shaking his head again. Godric, why is it so hard to say what he means. Does he even know what he means?
“Because that’s all I’m good for, right?” You ask harshly.
“Darling-“
“Don’t call me that.”
James frowns before trying again.
“Y/N.” He corrects with a nod. “It’s not like that.”
“Then tell me what it’s like.” You ask, begging him to tell you otherwise, to prove you wrong.
James opens and closes his mouth several times before eventually giving up, shoulders dropping as he stares at you.
“You’re my best friend.” He finally says. “I…I love you.”
“You have a funny way of showing it”. You mumble, voice full of hurt. “This is how you treat your best friend? This is how you treat someone you love?”
“Y/N-“
“If this is what it’s like to be loved by James Potter, I want no part in it.” You tell him firmly, taking a step back. “If you’ll excuse me-“
“Y/N, wait. Please.” James begs, reaching a hand out to grab your wrist.
“James, I have to go.” You tell him, trying to free yourself from his grasp.
“Go?” He repeats, narrowing his eyes just slightly at you. “Go where? Back to Remus?”
You nod your head and James lets go of your arm, letting out a scoff as he does.
“Unbelievable. Y/N, I am the best thing at this fucking party.” He tells you, pointing to himself. “And you’re gonna ignore me? All fucking night? For Moony of all people?”
“What does that mean?” You ask, glaring at him.
“Nothing.” He sighs, shaking his head yet again. “Just forget it.”
“He’s your friend, James.”
James stares at you in silence.
“He’s my friend.” You continue. “And I won’t let you disrespect him.”
“I’m not disrespecting him.” James denies.
“So you didn’t just insult him?” You ask, crossing your arms. “You didn’t just make him seem less than? And all for what? Because I’d rather be in his company than yours?”
“Y/N…we’re best friends.” James repeats helplessly. Why is it so hard to talk to you now? It seems like every time James opens his mouth, the wrong comes out. “Why are you at this party with him? And why are you spending so much time with him now? And why won’t the room of requirement let me in?”
“What is this? Another interrogation?”
“No!” James shakes his head. “I’m just worried.”
“You’re worried.” You repeat with a tense nod. “I was sick for a whole week and you didn’t ask for me once. Now you’re worried?”
“I- I didn’t…” James flounders, unsure of what he even wants to say.
“I think it’s best if we spend some time apart.” You tell him, taking another small step back.
“What? No.” James says. “We’re best friends. We’ve always been together. We can’t just…not be.”
James looks up and finds himself getting angry when he realizes you’re not even looking at him. Instead, you’re scanning the room, looking for Remus.
“Don’t ignore me!” James hisses, causing you to look at him with wide eyes.
“You can’t do this to me.” He says, voice suddenly sounding small, letting you know just how scared he really is.
“No, James. You can’t do this to me.” You counter. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I want no part in it.”
“There’s…there’s no game.” He mumbles with a confused frown.
“Really? So what do you call trying to kiss me and then turning around and asking me not to tell Lily?”
James opens his mouth but you’re quick to get your point across before he can even defend himself.
“I won’t let you hurt me, James. Not anymore.” You tell him with a shake of your head. “Don’t drink too much. You’ll get sick.”
With that, you turn around, leaving James all alone in the middle of the Ravenclaw common room. When you find Remus at the drinks table, you immediately wrap your arms around him, burying your face in his chest.
“Hey, love.” He greets, wrapping one around you in a tight hug. “You okay?”
“Can we go?” You ask, looking up at him.
“Is everything alright?” He asks, immediately setting your drink down. “Did something happen?”
“I just don’t wanna be here anymore.” You tell him with a small smile. “Think I’m all partied out.”
“Okay. Sure.” Remus nods, placing his hand on the small of your back as he starts to head towards the door. “Come on. I’ll walk you back.”
“Thanks Moony.” You smile up at him.
“Anything for you, love.” He smiles in return, holding the door open for you before he too steps out.
Neither of you even notice that James was watching you the whole time.
“Sucks, doesn’t it?” JJ asks, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.
“What?” James asks, looking at JJ from the corner of his eye.
“When you realize you’re losing the girl you love and you can’t do anything about it.”
“I don’t love Y/N.” James tells him with a frown. “Well I do, but not like that.”
“Right.” JJ nods sarcastically, much to James’ annoyance.
“And I’m not losing her.” He adds, crossing his arms defensively.
“Of course not.” JJ agrees. “She just walked outta here with Scar Face and left you in the dust because you guys are so close.” He says sarcastically before holding a red cup out to him. “Drink?”
“Piss off.” James grumbles, walking away.
JJ shrugs, taking a sip of the drink in his left hand before bringing the drink in his right hand up, taking a sip from that cup as well.
“Love, love, love.” He sings to himself as he watches James continue to pout. “What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.”
