we were doomed from the start

tobias weathers; roger. hitman.

[jamiesfraser]

“I remember there was a girl in my class I fancied and we had this game called ‘kiss, cuddle, torture’. Basically if you get caught you get a choice. And the girl I fancied for many years was chasing me and I was looking behind me watching her chase me and I ran right into a wall and knocked myself out. I woke up with a big scar on my knee and she never chased me again.”

[garhedlund]

[heartfulloffandoms-deactivated2]

[cuddles-hiddles-deactivated2016]

{Life Ruiners} Sam Heughan

[unjollyroger]

tobias deals with the loss of the cinema

One evening of fun and it had all come crashing down on him.

The explosion from the other side of the border was enough to send Tobias reeling, his ears ringing as he sobered instantly. His life flashed before his eyes briefly, just as it had so many times when he’d been in uniform. It took him a moment as he blinked slowly, taking in his surroundings. Girls dancing in the street, masked figures around him, he breathed a small sigh of relief. He as here, in Neverland. He was safe.

It only took him a moment before he was stumbling through the crowd towards the Cinema as everyone rushed in the other direction, not even bothering to mumble a “sorry” as he pushed a girl out of the way, watching her lose her footing. He had tunnel vision for the fire in front of him, the smoke that began to billow into the sky. He’d only taken one night off, one night when the Captain said they would be fine without him. Regret churned in his stomach; he didn’t need to see the cinema burning up in flames to know what he was running towards.

The sight of the burning cinema in front of him was enough to send Tobias to his knees, his head in his hands. “Fuck!” he cried into the night, his words getting lost in the sound of the crackling fire and the screams from the parade behind him. “Fuck!” he yelled again, pounding his fist against the ground. He stayed frozen, watching the flames consume the Cinema as the smoke started to drift towards him in the wind. Tobias coughed, sputtered, but couldn’t bring himself to move. Couldn’t bring himself to care. This was his fault, he knew. Just one more mistake to weigh heavily on his shoulders.

Tobias shook his head to shake off the memories, not allowing himself to get distracted. He narrowed his eyes as he looked out at the horizon, eyes peeled for anyone that might be wandering towards the Antique Shop. It was their new home - as begrudging as they may have been about it - and he was going to protect it with his life. He wasn’t going to slip up again, he couldn’t. This was the closest thing he had to a family, though he would never admit to calling them that. He’d let down so many people in his life, and he could hardly bare the idea of adding their names to the list.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, still as a statue before he started to drift off again. It had to be the comfort of knowing the Lost Boys didn’t know where their new hideout was, he told himself. It was the only excuse that would sit right with him.

He blinked slowly as he awoke, taking in the bright white walls of his surroundings. The hospital. He didn’t know how he’d arrived there - he hardly remembered passing out - but he slowly hoisted himself up from the bed. He could take care of himself. His legs swung off the side of the bed, his hands braced on either side of him, ready to heave himself up when he noticed a figure in the shadows. While many quaked at the sight of the Captain, Tobias had never felt the need. But for once, he found himself swallowing hard, unable to meet his eyes.

"I’m sorry," he croaked, his voice still hoarse from the smoke. "I didn’t see them coming." He wasn’t sure what was worse - admitting that he hadn’t been there, or pretending someone had slipped through his fingers. Either way, he could feel his position in the Rogers slipping through his fingers. He was surprised it wasn’t already gone. Tobias didn’t like the feeling of owing anyone anything, but the weight of the debt he carried on his shoulders only seemed to grow.

Tobias woke himself from his reverie, resting his head in his hands. He needed a good night sleep, or perhaps a cup of coffee. That would be enough to calm his jangling nerves. Or perhaps he needed to find the person that did this, the Lost Boy that had somehow got the better of him. They would pay for what they did, but looking down the barrel of his gun. He would make sure of it.

[mancandykings]

Sam Heughan, photographed by Justin Campbell