Okay well, I dont really know where this is going or where i'm even going to start. But i'm just going to keep writing until I feel okay and hopefully it works out...
First and foremost I think I need to point at that nearly everything I do, I do with the best intentions. Part of why i'm writing this post has to do with the Peggy Carter post I made the other day, which is getting a few replies. Not as many as I expected, but a few.
First and foremost I think people on this website are too quick to judge and point fingers at people without realizing that there are people behind the screen. Look, I really dont take a lot of offense to what people say, but when people write me back I always read, consider their opinion, and respond in an appropriate manor.
See, most people are so quick to jump to opinions and name calling and attacking, that they really dont even bother to listen to any other side of the story, or even consider anything else.
First off, I want to say sorry for saying I hate seeing people shipping two straight characters. Im sorry if that comes off as biphobic to you, but honestly, it's not. Honest. It's really not. I am not biphobic, I am no homophobic, I am not transphobic, I am one of the further people from all those things.
But no one likes to listen to reason on this website. You say one thing and suddenly you're biphobic. I'm sorry, but I have my reasons for my beliefs, and honestly I think they're pretty justified.
I dislike the way people ship Sherlock and John, Dean and Castiel, Dean and Sam, Derek and Stiles, Tony and Steve ... and the list goes on. Immediately you cry "Biphobia" and say things like "Sorry for being a queer person and wanting more queer representation".
But that's literally not it. Not everyone on this site is queer. Not everyone on this site ships those couples because they want to see more queer representation. A large majority of the people who ship these couples do it for the reason I stated in my Peggy Carter post. Because they like to fetishize queer relationships.
Don't believe me? You dont have to. But there's a reason nearly all of the fanfictions involving those ships include sex. Because people are fetishizing it. It's more than a simple "Aww they would be cute together" it's a "I NEED THEM TO BE TOGETHER NOW. DO YOU SEE HOW THEY STARED AT EACH OTHER IN EPISODE 10, FOR .75 SECONDS!?! TOTALLY INTO EACH OTHER".
Like, that's not really okay in my opinion. Not because I think bisexual couples are bad or because i'm ~biphobic~, but because I think it breeds a toxic mindset. It says that platonic love and friendly love doesn't exist. It says that you can't be close with someone of the same sex, or even the opposite sex, without having to be romantically involved. Or expected to be romantically involved. That's gross. That's a terrible horrible no good VERY bad mindset.
Now, part of this mindset comes from growing up and going to high school. But none of you would know that, and none of you would care to ask either. Instead you'll just fling names at me (and whoever else opposes your opinion) and go about your way thinking you're some social justice martyr with a holier than thou attitude.
Well, i'm willing to talk now, and you dont have to be willing to listen, but i'm going to put it out there anyways.
I am, and always have been, a very shy person. I dont talk much to anyone in real life. I have absolutely no friends in real life and it literally kills me a little bit more every day of my life.
I started using the internet frequently when I was, Idk, 10, 11, 12? I dont know it really doesnt matter. But it got to the point, and it still pretty much is at that point, where its one of the few places i've ever found solace.
In 4th grade, all my best friends were girls. And pretty much ever since then, it's been the same. Except for in 5th grade when I had made friends with all the guys in my class (who also happened to be my neighbors and old camp friends). 5th grade is also when I was introduced to the internet in the form of Runescape. Don't get me wrong, I knew what the internet was and I would use it, but never to this degree. It got to the point where I was playing the game all the time whenever I was allowed. It's the only thing I really really enjoyed doing. I put down Pokemon and started playing Runescape, and that began my internet obsession.
What I realized over the course of many, many years of Runescape, and later Habbo, was that there were people all over the world who were just like me. And that was great, it was really fun. So as my real life friends dwindled (because we all go separate ways from changing grades and schools etc., and because i'm shy and its hard for me to make new friends), my online friends became my predominant source of friends.
Which I was really okay with, for a very long time. Honestly, online friends are amazing and some of you are so amazing and im STILL so happy to have "met" so many of you. But unfortunately sometimes its just not real. Sometimes an online friend is not who they say they are, or they disappear without a trace one day, and that kinda sucks.
Now don't get me wrong, I still had a few friends in school. And i'll just go ahead and start with High School now. In 8th grade I met 2 girls who would become my best friends for the next 8 years. What I never did meet (until my senior year of high school) was a girl who would be my girlfriend. And honestly, I was okay with that. I had my friends and I had love interests, but nothing ever panned out. And that was fine. It was upsetting but it was fine. By my junior year of high school i had a real solid group of friends. 5 of them to be exact. 4 of which were female.
Well what I have come to learn (and I know it is a bit far along in the story, but this is where the same sex shipping thing comes into play for me) is that when your entire group of friends is girls, or when you get along better with girls than with guys, you're automatically assumed to be gay. My entire high school career (and lets guess my middle school career as well) there were people around me who thought I was gay. People i've known since 3rd grade, people who were my FRIENDS. People who I had interacted with for years or months at a time had an assumption about me based on how I acted around my friends. Because I had 4 female best friends and I wasn't trying to bed any of them I was automatically assumed to be gay.
And that's why, to me, friendships being recognized on TV are so important. Yes, yes, YES queer representation is very important, but so are friendships. Its important for people to know that two females can care deeply about each other and be heterosexual, its important for two males to feel the same way and be heterosexual, its important for a male AND a female to care very deeply about each other and not want to bang! And for people to know that its NOT because either character is gay! Its just cause theyre not interested in each other!
I literally had a girl sit on my lap on one of my last days of senior year and say to me "Wait you're not gay? Omg I always thought you were gay" and to have 4 or 5 other girls, who'd id known for an entire year follow suit and say things like "Yeah when I met you I thought you were gay"
Do you know how damaging that is for a person? Not because I think being gay is a bad thing. But because people id known very well had made assumptions about me and thought things about me that simply werent true. Based on what? Stereotypical factors? That I had female friends but wasnt banging said friends? It's hurtful.
It's hurtful when you do get a girlfriend and she starts telling people, and someone you know from third grade says "Wait, you're dating Alex _____, I always thought he was gay".
Its hurtful when your shyness makes it hard for you to meet someone youre interested in dating, to the point where your own family starts to question your sexuality because you hadn't been with someone and you're 17 or 18.
It's hurtful when your choice of music, tv shows and video games makes people call you names and mis-identify you.
Its hurtful when you're so shy, and it takes so much out of you just to be yourself, and then you get shit on for it. It makes you uncomfortable in your own skin. And it makes you even shy and reserved. And then its hurtful when the few people you trusted so much disappear from your life.
I graduated High School and it seemed like everyone I cared about deserted me. By time I was a senior my male best friend had lost interest in me, after we had been inseparable for years. I don't drink, I dont smoke, I didn't particularly care for the kids he started hanging out with, who clearly didn't like me from the moment they met me. So he deserted me. Fine.
When I graduated High School one of my female best friends kinda just up and left. Went off the grid to an extent. Went off to college, met a guy, moved to Louisiana. Next thing you know they break up and shes back home, except she deactivates her facebook and stops returning text messages. I tried to be there for her. But it just didnt work.
My third best friend, who i'd known the longest was getting sick of me. She wasn't talking to me as much, she wasn't interested in keeping up the friendship after the first year or so of college. It was shitty, it still IS shitty. If you're out there reading this post, which I'm pretty sure you're not, what you did was shitty. What you think about me is wrong. I know why you stopped talking to me. But I also know that is an excuse. A few weeks before you stopped talking to me you reblogged a post on tumblr that said something to the effect of "How do you tell an old friend that they're a shitty person and you dont want to talk to be friends with them anymore?" Well I got your message. Loud and clear. And it was a shitty one. After having been really good friends for 5 years you were willing to throw it out the window because it was no longer convenient to be friends with me, being so far away. It was shitty. It still IS shitty. Im still not over it and I dont know that I ever will be. I tried. I tried even after I knew you were no longer interested. I wished you happy birthday and waited for one in return two months later, but it never came. I waited a whole year, and after not talking to you again, and not getting one in return, I STILL wished you a happy birthday again. But you never acknowledged it. And never cared to write back. But im done now. Your birthday was less than 2 months ago and mines less than 2 weeks away. Im not expecting you to write. But im not over it, and I still think its really shitty what you've done.
So yeah. I guess thats all I wanted to say right now. I spent the last 4 years of my life in college without a single friend. Not a single one. Do you know how lonely that is?
dededos
kianamaiart
izzy806
blakekathryn
