lesbian fluff, slight angst, implied sex
summary: after kissing a girl you really like drunk at a party, you stress thinking she doesn’t like you but she sends you a text that says otherwise ;)
my eyes open to find myself under my covers, looking at sunlight streaming through the window. i rub my eyes and sit up, wondering why i’m not in comfortable clothes, and then it all hits me… as soon as the hangover does.
and i remember it all. i remember the party, the shots, the laughing, the games, my delayed vision and slurred speech, and then i remember her.
her hand in mine, our fingers locked together. her lips against mine, so fleeting but so right. i remember it all.
ignoring my pounding head, i slowly climb out of bed. i turn on my shower until steaming water begins to fall. hoping it will help clear my head. but i just find myself standing in the shower and thinking about her even more. she flutters in and out of my mind all throughout the day, and every time, i try to shoo her away. it never works. when i climb back into bed, all can think about is what i thought about when i awoke here hours before.
not even sleep can take me away from her, my unconscious mind forces me to relive the words she spoke to me while she pushed my drunk self away, “wait, stop! someone’s coming!”
the next day i can’t tell if i love or hate being her dirty little secret, if you can even call it that. i absolutely reveled in the feeling of having her lips on mine, but i hate that i can’t help wondering if she even liked the kiss at all. i stress over whether the alcohol made me delusional, and whether she really kissed me back, even though i could’ve sworn that she did. i also hope i wasn’t given false confidence to kiss her just because my ex was at the party, and making her jealous probably seemed enticing to me. but she never shied away from my touch, and she didn’t push me away when i kissed her. still, something about her never coming back to me after that moment makes me uneasy. remembering the feeling of my hands around her waist is glorious, but the way she told me that she “wasn’t drunk enough for this” after i kissed her made my heart break.
all the mixed signals she’s been giving me for months seemed to amount to that single moment. all the times she’d lay her head on my shoulder or touch my hand while laughing at something i said. then 5 seconds later obsess over boys as if she hadn’t just toyed with my heart. the thought that i’ve been misreading the signals all along makes me sick.
at around 10 pm on that second night after the party, i’m slowly coming to the conclusion that i’ll never know if i crossed an unforgivable line. suddenly, my phone chimes with the most unexpected text i’ve ever received.
i do a double take, and make sure i haven’t started hallucinating. is this really happening? it can’t be, surely. i double check the contact information and sure enough, it’s her. my mind begins reeling, thinking of what to respond with. i push away the thought that she could be messing with me, and decide to give her the benefit of the doubt. after a few minutes of thinking, i gather the courage to respond.
i wish i could’ve had a more colorful response but there was little creativity left in my head after the last two days. i wait for her to respond. the three dots that indicate typing appear and disappear, only to appear again momentarily.
me: why? are you throwing another party so soon?
i think about all the reasons she could be texting. what if she’s actually wanting me to come kiss her again? or what if she just needs help with something? maybe she really needs help and it’s an emergency! but what if she kisses me and what if it goes further than that? what if i love it and she hates it and things are never the same between us again? but what if i go and it turns out she never meant to send me those texts in the first place?
but what if she wants to kiss me again? i ask myself once more. the urgent yet casual tone in her messages almost make this seem like the most likely scenario, although a few minutes ago it felt like the opposite
i brush off the thought that i’m too easily manipulated, and just let myself throw some things into a bag and start my car. my mind is spinning, my body keeps driving while i question whether or not this is okay, but i keep my foot on the gas because kissing this girl is all i’ve dreamed of for months. and the only time it’s happened it was over far too soon.
i pull into her driveway and climb the stairs to find that she’s already waiting with the door open. she grins when she sees me which causes the ghost of a grin to appear on my lips. as soon as i’m within an arms length of the threshold, she grabs my hand.
“hi?” i say, confused at her urgency. she only grins back. i can hear music playing faintly from inside the house, which i’m grateful is keeping us from standing in silence.
pulling me inside, she swiftly shuts the door and grabs my bag from my hand, setting it on the ground. i look around, trying to get a hold on the situation. there’s no fire or other immediate emergency as far as i can tell, and i don’t see a party, or any people at all for that matter.
“is anyone else here?” i ask, still not sure of why she asked me to come over.
she looks and me, still grinning and says, “my mom is, but she’s in the basement and she’ll be there all night.”
her grin is so contagious that it deflates my anxiety a little bit. she grabs my hand again and looks down at our fingers for a second before walking forward, towing me behind.
i’m starting to piece together what she’s doing the more that i’m in the house, and i’m suddenly glad i decided to bring a toothbrush with me.
i’m so caught up in the building tension that my worries melt away and i forget about the last 36 hours i’ve spent worrying over the girl in front of me. i gather the courage to finally ask her,
“so why did you want me to come over?”
she stops and turns around taking a step toward me, unwrapping her hand from mine, and slinging her arms around my neck in one swift motion. our faces are inches apart, and we both wear dopey grins on our faces.
“why don’t you take a guess?” she asks rhetorically.
i’m suddenly having to stop myself from leaning into her.
she paused for a moment before turning back around, grabbing my hand, and leading me to the stairs. i take in her figure as i watch her walking from behind. she’s wearing denim shorts and a tank top that is probably a little too short, perfect for a hot summer night like tonight. she led me up to her room and shut the door behind me. i glanced around the room. there was a speaker softly playing mid tempo music and only the soft glow of some fairy lights whose battery was clearly on the fritz. she gazed at me and took a step forward while my eyes found hers and i did the same.
our bodies met in the space between and our lips crashed together. her hands were around my neck and in my hair and my arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, pulling her flush to me. our lips moved at a desperate pace, knowing exactly what to do without taking time to figure it out. her fingers raked through my hair and my fingers pressed into her exposed sides, enjoying the fiery feeling of her skin on mine. one of her hands found my cheek and the other was finding it’s way up and down my arm and back. her hand left traces of electricity on my face, it was amazing and addictive. and those lips…. god. they were so soft and smooth but they moved with so much desire that i was more than willing to reciprocate. she tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and then rested her hand on the side of my neck.
it was absolute heaven, everything i’ve been wanting for months and months. i slowly backed her against her bedroom door and felt her legs go weak for a moment which made me smile against her lips. i reached down with one of my hands around the back of her thigh to her inner thigh and bent her knee, bringing it up to the side of my waist. my body was flushed against hers with my other hand still wrapped around her waist she took her leg out of my hands leaned against the wall so i could pull her legs around my waist, supporting her weight as her back was still pressed against the door. she devoured me with her lips, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.
i broke away from her lips to look at her briefly, panting and flushed with her eyes closed, and lowered my head to kiss her neck. i left a trail of open mouthed kisses down her jaw and neck and she panted in my ear. i didn’t stop myself from leaving a small mark right below her ear, which elicited a small moan from her throat and a tighter grip on my neck, which was insanely satisfying. i moved back to her lips where she was kissing me impossibly desperately and pulling me impossibly close. her tongue entwined with mine and i lightly sucked on her bottom lip which made her grip on me loosen for only a quick moment. she ground her hips into mine which made me lose my composure but i quickly regained it.
a few seconds later, despite the heaven i was in, i pulled away for a moment, i had to know the answer to a question.
“why didn’t you kiss me again? the other night i mean?”
her face had been disappointed when i pulled away, but took on a knowing look, like she wasn’t surprised i was asking.
“i’m sorry, i wanted to, but i just couldn’t handle the fact that the first time i ever kissed you would be drunk at a party with all of our friends.”
i smiled at that, she was right after all. she leaned her head in ever so slightly more.
she grinned and said, “i really want to remember the first time i ever do this.”
i pulled her away from the wall, still latched onto me, and set her gently on her bed.
“shut up and kiss me,” she breathed.
i was not at all opposed to obliging. i leaned her backward so her head hit the pillow and reconnected our lips, she kissed me with all the fire i could feel under her skin. she ran her hands all along my back and shoulders and after a minute she flipped us so she was on top of me. she straddled my hips and kissed me some more before moving her lips down my jaw, then neck, then collarbone, and lapped at the sensitive flesh, making it unable for me to kelp silent. she pulled away and sat up, pulling me up to a sitting position too. i looked up at her face, inches away, higher than mine due to the fact that she was sitting on me, and rested my hands on the sides of her hips. i couldn’t help but smile.
“why are you so smiley?” she giggled.
i looked her up and down, thumbing over the skin of her sides.
“i’ve just been waiting for this so fucking long.”
ahhhhhhhh this is the first time i’ve written something in like over a year! i think i’m a little rusty, definitely have to work back into it but i think this is pretty cute!
If you liked this you can check out my Masterlist, and feel free to let me know what else i should write and also if you have any feedback! i love to read comments and anons :)
