Our Museum of Unnatural Order

Our collection of knowledge and the last bastion against the plague.

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the interns want out

the interns want out

the interns want out

the interns want out

the interns want out

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we won’t put up  with this much longer u know.

if the choke we’ve been putting on the museum’s social channels won’t make them answer our questions (’’when they’ll let us out’’) we’ll do smthing else soon

don’t test it

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A List of Grievances (from the Interns)

-we have all been locked in the intern facilities, and yeah our dorms and stuff are here so it’s not like, bad, but it’s just dorms and offices which gets way old way fast. What’s the point of doing an internship in an interdimensional museum if you can’t see any of it but offices? 

-quarantine sounds way cooler than it is. either make this more interesting or just call it time out if you’re going to treat us like children. 

-and honestly what’s so bad if someone here does have the plague? other than unfortunate streaks of bad luck, what actually are the risks here? seriously, need more info. you’re spiking Gena’s anxiety.

-what’s up with the shark? Three of us have caught glimpses of it swimming(?) through the walls, and literally all staff we’ve talked to straight up say we’re imagining it. which is rude? like I get OMUO has a thing with cover ups but seriously. If we can’t do our jobs at least keep us in the loop.

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FOUND: Spider LOST: Shoe

This lovely lady found her way to the lost and found office after being heartlessly ejected from a rain boot by a member of museum staff. If you are the owner of this rain boot, we kindly request that you return one large, sky-blue rubber rain boot to the lost and found office so we can reinstall this eight-legged treasure in her cozy home. Face it, she needs the boot more than you do! It hardly ever rains inside the museum.

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Artifacts 0439-a and 0439-b: Guardians of the Intermittent Walk

The Intermittent Walk can only be walked seasonally, in the spring before the thaw comes. The rest of the year, the walkway is submerged beneath the swamp floodwaters or layers upon layers of ice. It is a dangerous path, but leads to our intern housing and intern office facilities and as such is critical to the functions of OMUO. 

In the absence of our interns during their quarantine, we hope to raise some awareness about our internship program, as we will be opening applications for new internship hires soon. These, of course, will be housed separately from the current quarantined interns, and we hope our caution around containing the current interns will not dissuade applicants. OMUO looks great on resumes! Moreover, if you have ever enjoyed visiting our museum, know it is important that we have interns capable of entering public spaces and we’d love to work with you.

To better accommodate those who may not know the perils of the Intermittent Walk, we have established alternate transportation for the parts of the year when crossing presents risks. Spring, summer, and autumn we have ferry canoes set up for carrying interns back and forth to their quarters before and after their shifts, as well as the option of renting personal kayaks for independent recreational use. In winter, as part of our staff uniform sets, we provide our interns with ice skates to aid the crossing.

Year round, our two artifact guardians of the Intermittent Walk—two cones of red and orange, tall and squat respectively—maintain watch over the waters and their inhabitants, warning all visitors and interns alike of where the walk begins to come and go. These vigilant protectors have been affectionately nicknamed by the interns, as they have been in years prior, and as they will inevitably be when the next group of interns comes. The passing of the name ceremony is a right of passage for all new hires, and all graduating former interns.

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Interactive Display: The Cocoon (in progress)

Here is a behind-the-scenes look at an interactive display currently in development. The fabric of the Cocoon was soaked for three days in the transmogrifying waters of Kazsoon under triplet full moons, a rare event said to heighten the powers of these supposedly mystical waters. The staff volunteer shown here will remain in the Cocoon for three days and three nights. According to traditional Kazsoonean texts on the subject, after that time our volunteer will emerge "enlightened and transformed." The text gave no more details, so we eagerly await to see what surprises the Cocoon has in store for us!

The Cocoon is scheduled to be open to the public next month pending results.

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Esteemed visitors, We request your understanding and patience at this time, as OMUO is currently operating without its intern staff and will be doing so for several weeks. Five days ago, at 3:53 pm, one of our interns came into contact with a plague-infected individual in a mask, and since OMUO interns share living quarters, all interns have been quarantined as a precaution. To the best of our knowledge, this was an isolated incident. No other fluid-exchange contact with the infected masked individual has been reported, and our security team is working around the clock to apprehend this individual. We appreciate your patience and apologize for any delays or changes in scheduled programming during the next few weeks. Sincerely, Veritable Quim, Director

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(An email from Anana printed out and hung up on a bulletin board in the intern lounge, thumbtacked over the earlier message.)

Guys, bad news. (And I’m telling you all about this since they let me back into work yesterday, so I’m worried that it may affect you all, but please please PLEASE keep it under wraps because it could spell big trouble otherwise!!) but I think that I might have come down with the you-know-what from the you-know-who accident.

If I’d have noticed earlier I wouldn’t have come into work—I would have stayed in the sick bay quarantine but we got the all clear since none of the hospital equipment malfunctioned or fell on me or anything I figured I’ll trust the hospital people if they say I’m safe to go! But I guess the bastion against the plague doesn’t have much experience dealing with the plague. In retrospect, constantly waiting just long enough for my coffee to stop steaming before drinking it yet still having it burn my tongue could have been a symptom, same as losing my room key despite not having left the hospital room…

But point is, I’ve been having misfortune and mishappenstance happen to me since I got back into the office, and since our office-party-turned-slumber-party-welcome-back-party featured some spin the bottle (I swear I’m not just bringing it up to make sure this email stays between us interns) some of you might be at risk too since the thing can be spread through fluid contact. Ugh, feels gross just typing that. Fluid contact is a gross phrase. Yuck.

So please keep this on the down low—I don’t want any of us to lose our internships! And OMUO with its reputation sure as heck would kick out a single plague person—you saw how they were on major lookout for mask lady who, by the way, HASN’T been caught despite straight up BITING an intern (I’m not bitter, no way, just saying). Just… keep an eye out for each other, and for yourselves, ‘kay?

I swear if I start showing worse symptoms I’ll turn myself in, but until then I’ll be in the storage closet—I’ve pulled my mattress in there so that no one has to worry about bunking near me. It’s just paranoia, I know, since it’s not like the plague is airborne, but I don’t want to make people uncomfortable. If you want to play card games, hit me up.

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Hey guys,

Thanks so much for all of your messages--it really meant a lot to me in the hospital seeing all your kind words! I’m doing okay now--honestly, the bite wasn’t even that bad, it just took a few stitches--I’m just kicking myself for getting near that lunatic in the first place.

Yeah, I saw all the stuff about avoiding some strange lady in a mask, but that’s the thing, I didn’t see her holding the mask until after I was right up next to her. It’s not like she bit me with that plaster all over her face, the mask was off in one of her hands, and she was just rocking there with blood on her. I had just finished my first aid training--you know, that required one that we all have to sit through every two years? I thought I’d get it out of the way ahead of time when we were at a lull between projects so I was walking around with R.I.C.E. and CPR overviews buzzing in my head. What the heck I thought I can be helpful.

So much for that, am I right? All practicing my customer service skills got me is a nasty bite from some stranger and all I got for wanting to file an incident report is a trip to the hospital and a week surveillance to make sure I’m not accident-prone or whatever symptoms plague people show when they get sick. Stick to the office, kids. Take a lesson from a try-hard peer and just do what you’re assigned. They don’t pay for overtime, even if they do pay your hospital bills.

(This email from Anana was printed out and hung up on a bulletin board in the intern lounge.)

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Artifact of the Day: Item L005699 Mid-Sized Cat Without a Face

Although the mid-sized cat without a face technically belongs in the Frightening but Probably Harmless Live Animals Wing, all attempts to date to keep her behind bars/glass/laser beams/titanium mesh have proved unsuccessful, and she continues to roam the museum as she sees fit, like a disturbing but beloved museum pet. Fortunately for all of us, she is most comfortable facing the wall at all times and prefers to sleep this way as well, as shown here. Please be advised that while you are welcome to pet the mid-sized cat without a face, we strongly discourage you from trying to get her to lick or sniff your hand or participating in any other activity that requires the mid-sized cat to turn toward you. The screaming disturbs the museum experience for our other guests.

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Memorial Jack-o’-Lantern for the Memorial Jack-o’-Lantern Vigil of Artifact L-0985

It was just such a beautiful ceremony, stuffing our wonderful guardian gourd full of candles, wax and wicks, we couldn’t bear to leave our memory of the memorial event behind. As such, we have carved this effigy of a jack-o’-lantern to forever remind us of the event that reminds us of our departed yam kin. 

It is on display outside, on the boat of the vegetable curator, as OMUO would not let us add our lantern to the appropriate formal exhibit and as the vegetable curator doesn’t have space at their home for their boat. The boat has been left in long-term parking by their office, which seemed a good enough place for our tribute to reside. Feel free to stop by and visit anytime after 7pm, so long as you don’t mind seeing the vegetable curator in their lounge pants and getting roped into social interaction, as they also don’t have space for themselves in their home and have taken up residence inside of their boat until they get around to decluttering their formal abode.

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R.I.P.

Rest in Peace, Artifact L-0985. Your leering face and ferocious grimace kept safe for us the Hall of Gourds and Yams in the Squashes and Vegetables wing all those many nights when we were understaffed and required our security guards elsewhere.  It is with deep regret and heavy hearts that we announce the composting of our beloved guardian, as his bottom had grown soggy and ripe with mold, and as his googley eyes only googled one direction. He was a wonderful companion who intimidated many a visitor that may have otherwise thought of sneaking into and plundering the home of our greens.  Thank you for your valuable service, gourd companion. Your legacy will live on next autumn in your distant relatives, placed all over the hall en masse.  Memorial jack-o-lantern vigil will be held at 5pm tomorrow. Bring your own candle--we will be stuffing as many as we can inside of him to light his way to the next world. 

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INCIDENT REPORT

Parties involved: Anana Na (OMUO intern), unknown masked individual wearing a long white dress

Date and time of incident: today, 3:53 PM

Incident description: While attempting to calm an unknown masked individual who was "I don't know, just acting super weird," Anana Na was bitten by this individual, who then escaped into the Glass Eyes and Masks Wing

Injuries reported? yes, minor cut on hand from bite

Damage to property? no

Cause of incident: unknown/excess of compassion for strangers

Plan to avoid future repeats of incident: DO NOT APPROACH THIS MASKED FIGURE, HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO REPEAT THIS

Management comments: SERIOUSLY KEEP AWAY THIS PERSON IS VERY DANGEROUS

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FREE SAMPLES IN THE CAFETERIA: BROWNIE BATTER HUMMUS DIP

Made based on an ancient Pholeem recipe, circa 720 qL. It is a decadent treat often reserved for nobility, but since we made extra even the plebeians visiting our museum can try a delicious taste! Though “hummus” actually means “chick peas” in some cultures apparently, this one contains exactly one chick pea, singular, and neither chickens nor urine. We only made this one container of it, so supplies are very limited. 

We thank Intern Chel for her generous donation of her lunch Tupperware.

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Snow Hour

Please be aware of the existence of snow, as some of our museum wings have been known to have their own weather forecasts distinct from the rest of the exhibits! In the absence of actually checking the upcoming weather forecast, we instead suggest you merely brace yourself for the possibility of precipitation.  (Image below provided as a reference for you to ponder for the next sixty minutes.)