Hello, it’s Suga~ Realizing that today is the day before the 2015 college exam makes me think about my last day before taking the college entrance exam. It has only been exactly a year since I came up (to Seoul) from Daegu and I took the exam a few days after. So there was no one to pack me lunch since I was living apart from my family hahaha
So I was going to sleep, thinking that I should buy some Kimbab before heading over to take the exam, but I couldn’t sleep. I thought that I was growing farther away from studying when I came up to Seoul, but I became a test-taker (because he came up to Seoul to do music, not take exams) hahahahaha
I was tossing and turning for a few hours because I couldn’t sleep, but I heard noises outside. So I thought “Ah, they (members) must be packing lunch for me”.
But I’m up, and I’ve been up for quite awhile, and am already aware that they’re packing lunch for me.
But I couldn’t go outside. I wanted to go to the bathroom but I just pretended I was sleeping. They checked up on me from time to time to see if I was sleeping. HAHA So I tried my best to pretend I was sound asleep.
I was the first out of our members to take the college entrance exam, but they seemed more nervous than me keke Honestly, I was suffering because I really needed to go to the bathroom..and pretending I was asleep was even harder haha
Well, anyways, I took the lunch they packed for me and when I was about to leave, my dongsengs gave me a “Hwaiting”, telling me to do well on my exam. Since I was the eldest hyung at that time, everyone was younger than me. Sorry I made a typo..I’m writing this while I’m in the bathtub so please understand~
I was on my way to take the exam early in the morning and I was nervous for no reason. Fortunately, the place where I was gonna take the exam was next to the high school that I went to, so I just walked over there. I had my scarf warmly wrapped around my neck, the grey scarf I wore a lot during my early debut days. I remember that clearly. That was the scarf my mum bought me before I came up to Seoul yup yup. Mm anyways, so I cut through the alley and time felt like it was going by so slow like in slow motion. I was 17 and honestly, I had no interest in studying because I was hanging around my studio, but I was still nervous..
I was so nervous..I wonder how it would be like for you guys who are taking it (this year)..When you go in to take the exam, they give you green tea, chocolate, or some candy so I asked them if I could have one more and went in. Everyone, ask for one more and then go in.
My typos are no joke here..I have a waterproof pack on my phone but this steam on my screen is no joke..(can’t see anything) when I try to click something, it clicks something else.
Anyway, my dongsengs repeatedly told me to open my lunchbox AT lunch time so I waited until lunch time. And when I did, it was a chicken breast dish with rice, vienna sausages, and rolled up omelets. I mean we’re trainees; where would they get money from. They just made it with what we had in our dorm, but I ate it very deliciously by myself. It was hard to chew the chicken breast that became cold, but I still ate it with much delight. And next to my lunchbox was an A4 paper folded in there. I opened it, wondering what it was, and it was a letter. Because they didn’t have money, they wrote on this A4 paper that was rolling around our dorm. I was a bit touched. But I didn’t cry…really..
After taking that exam, I walked through the PE area and I took out the letter again to read it. That school had a huge PE area so I walked for a bit. I finished taking the test and when I came out, the ones who took the test like me, had their parents come pick them up, and some friends gathered together, talking about going somewhere to hang out. I had my grey scarf wrapped around my neck and walked back through the alley alone. At that time, I felt like I was the only thing that was in black and white. It felt like the road seemed longer going back home (than coming to take the exam).
When I was walking back home, thousands of emotions aroused within me. “Are my 12 years of school life finally over?” and “They’re lucky, to be able to hang out with their friends..I have to go practice..”, “Ah..I want to eat with my parents too”..thoughts like these were popping up in my head.
I walked to my dorm and when I arrived, my dongsengs asked me if I did well..do you THINK I did well..but I just said that I did well. I still couldn’t sleep on the day I took the test. I had this weird feeling inside me, this futile feeling..a lot of thoughts were roaming inside my head.
I was like that, just like you guys. So don’t be nervous. And just calmly take the exam. If you don’t know the answer, just choose the 3rd one. Honestly, if someone asked what I remember from my school life, I would say: nothing. When I turned 18, especially during my school life, I wasn’t in the second year or third year of high school; I was in my first year, second year as a trainee. Maybe I was actually more fluttered than nervous when I was on my way to take that exam..because after I turned 18, I couldn’t even go on my school field trip and even the picnic.
After you finish taking the exam tomorrow, play hard, whether you did well or not. You deserve to play because you were in a very tiresome battle for 12 years. But don’t drink alcohol, since you guys are still minors. Drink when you turn 20. I went straight to practice after the exam. And ate with my members at our dorm.
After blankly staring into space for a couple of days after taking the exam, I turned 20. My January 1st in my 20th year wasn’t drinking or clubbing, but going down to Busan with my family. It was a really weird place..there’s nothing but this deep blue sea. I felt like I was sent into exile..I thought that once I turned 20, my life will suddenly become *poof* spectacular.
But it wasn’t like that. I thought taking my college entrance exam and becoming 20 would all be something special, but there was really nothing much to it. So don’t be nervous about this exam because it’s really just nothing. If you don’t know the answers to the subjective question, it’s either 0 or 1. I think I did 0. I don’t remember if I even got that right or not.
It’s really nothing so don’t be nervous and get all worried for it. Just do the best you can and come out. If your parents want to drop you off then just say “Okay~” and let them. Don’t get all annoyed over it. You can not do well and that’s fine, so just do well and come out while you’re at it. I hope all of you who are taking the CSAT do well. Don’t cry because you’re behind on your answers. FOCUS and mark them down. Now, I should tell them to drink some milk and eat some lettuce. You’re probably gonna end up sleeping at around 11 or 12AM, so drink some milk, eat some lettuce, and sleep. Sleep well and do well on that exam tomorrow. HWAITING byebye
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