Some thoughts I had while sitting in a cafe.
Can you imagine a world with no light? An endless abyss at night, where there could be anything lurking in the darkness. When I drive outside the city with no light anywhere and look through the forests, I get sad. I wonder how we used to survive without there being lamps all around the world. We had fire, yes, but that is not light pollution like we have now.Â
Nobody could survive their whole life in darkness, yet that is exactly how a lot of people feel on the inside. Like the abyss is crawling in from their eyes and ears, completely consuming their mind and body. That’s how I feel. That’s what mental illness is. The feeling of forever being in a tunnel, with no light at the end of it. Like the end and beginning have collapsed and inside is a maze that keeps on changing, getting lost in there forever. It is said that one day everyone will be able to make their way out. They just need to make their own tools to help. Their whole lives they try to make them. But you never actually escape it. When you manage to get out, there’s still dirt under your nails, there’s all the cave creatures that you left alone in there and there’s the memory of it.Â
The memory is something you can never really get rid of. It latches onto your brain like a leech, never letting go. It slowly, but surely sucks all of your happiness and emotions out of it, leading you right back into that dark, endless tunnel. Many people will have given up before that happens. That’s when they do something to rid of the pain. Something that will hurt people close to them, but they have lost all sense of consciousness and giving up is not that hard anymore. It’s a state of mind that is difficult to escape from, if not impossible. I know that therapists and professionals say that there is a cure, but it is all in the person’s brain and only they can change something. But I don’t believe it. I don’t believe there is ever an escape. It is just an excuse for people to keep on trying. But is that so bad? Working towards an impossible goal with no aim or determination. As long as it keeps the person living and motivated, that is what is important, right?Â