performative desire
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@unteachings
performative desire
you can have whatever is left of me
bring small comforts with you everywhere you go. most don't need to be physical items: when feeling uncomfortable or anxious, slow down and take a moment to feel the warmth of your clothes around your body; to observe how softly the light bounces off certain buildings; a wild bird grooming itself (imagine its relief); a warm goodbye between acquaintances in the street; take a moment to find the one thing that feels nice (or felt shortly before, or will feel soon) and hold onto it tight, let it keep you afloat. pick the invisible, ripe fruit of gratitude and compassion which grows even in the most hostile of environments
still I miss the times when we would talk late at night, across immense distances, all wrapped up in cable wires and brimming with delusions to share. I wonder what moon the loners howl to these days
news from further along the road: it's still all about compassion and patience. I can hold your hand as we endure
sometimes I sit still and let the ghosts of all the lives I've left behind claw me apart entirely. then I patiently pick up all the pieces and take pleasure in seeing that I still take up the same space as before
the crucial step is being labeled as NAN (Not A Narc)
who planted some stranger's desires in you?
you taught me the pleasures of the mundane and how to rid myself of the shame of it. still wondering whether it is any good
we are the maggots that spawned from God's rotting corpse. we hold the divine and its terrifying, contradictory tragedy and are painfully ignorant of it
il mondo non mi risponde più. quando ti parlo la voce è la stessa di quando ti ascolto
are you waiting for a chance to give yourself completely?
it's been so quiet for so long. will you talk to me?
I've seen beyond and I know how to get there. but I'd like to stay and play a little longer
I thought I'd be content with just the dreaming of it. the wanting. but life is always too much, above and beyond
I don't have money to survive, every month and every day it is a struggle to buy groceries and meds. I have chronic health conditions, I am doing bad and my mental health is totally destroyed, but I don't have money for therapy nor food. I worked every time I felt a little better and everytime I could find a new job, but a month ago I collapsed at work and I had to stop again. Where I live it is difficult to find a job that I can sustain, mentally and physically. I need money to survive and find a job that can keep me alive. Everything would be extremely helpful. Link
nightmares in my 20s: the moon is unnaturally large and bright in the sky. shadows whisper. everyone you know has been replaced by an impostor
nightmares in my 30s: why are groceries so expensive