Let me win in life🥺
Today's Document
trying on a metaphor

titsay
d e v o n

Love Begins
taylor price
RMH

⁂
Keni

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Claire Keane

blake kathryn

izzy's playlists!
Cosmic Funnies
EXPECTATIONS
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

tannertan36

Origami Around

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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

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@untitledzoned
Let me win in life🥺
Why is it always one sided? 😔
I have the qualities of a virtual assistant, but why they keep on rejecting me? Haven't yet seen my resume. Naiinis ako. I just want something new career that suit to me because I prefer work from home, but life is not allowing me. Bakit ganon? Ang hirap. Ilan taon ko na naghahanap ng opportunity like this, yung work from home virtual assistant pero wala. Failure. If hindi wfh-VA, magaabroad. Bakit ang hirap?
"Gutom lang yan"
"S&x lang need nyan"
"Tulog mo na lang yan"
"Wala lang pera yan"
"Lambing lang yan"
I already tried eating if I'm sad, still I feel so devastated. Lalo pa nga ko naiirita pag kumakain ako, kasi nadadagdagan lang ng calories. Nasisira lang workout ko.
If I'm with someone, I'm irritated and annoyed with their existence. Naiirita pa nga ko pag chinachat sila eh, tas pag kasama pa sila. So nope, not the lambing and s&x needs. I don't need that.
Tulog? Naiinis lang ako lalo pag nakakatulog, kasi di ko magawa mga gusto ko like watch an episode, a movie or even read. I even can't study because of this sleep. Not the I need sleep or kulang lang sa tulog. Nawp!
Ewan. Ayaw ko na ata mabuhay, pero why I feel so hesistant pag gagawin ko na? Ano ba mayron? Wala na kwenta buhay ko. B*bo ko masyado. Imagine, nagaaral pero bagsak? Iba klase na utak yan. Kabobohan na yan.
Ewan. Gusto ko na lang talaga wait magde$d na lang ako. Pagod na pagod na kasi ako. Ayaw ko na rin umasa sa mga applyan abroad at pagod na ko umasa.
This time, I just want to d1e.
Challenges? Struggles? These are way to success. If you have a lot of challenges and struggles in life, you are meeting half way to success. If not, then you're still at the bottom. Pero bakit ganon, ang unfair naman ng life. I have lots of challenges facing, still I'm in the bottom pa rin. Napapagod na ko umasa. Napapagod na ko maging better. Sobra na pagod ko. Everytime I making myself happy and better version, nagiging downgrade because of the struggles namemeet ko. Nababaliwala lang mga pinaghirapan ko. Yung mga expected ko hindi ko nakukuha. Napakaunfair naman ng mundong toh.
I want to resign but can't. I don't have any financial to manage with. Saan ako kukuha pag nagresign ako? Sakit sa ulo problemang toh. Ano ba pwede gawin?
Naguguluhan na ko sa mundong toh.
What's wrong with me? Akala ata nila tamad akong student when I always have perfect attendance, completed quizzes, and tasks, everything are all noted pero bakit napaka-against nila? I'm just being positive since I have followed their rules and assignments. Ano ba mayron sakin? Bakit ayaw niyo sakin?
I also don't know if I'm going to resign because of my low QA or will I be fighting? I don't know. Ang bababa and not consistently top QA. Always at the lowest. Sobrang litong lito na ko sa buhay ko. Ano ba pwede ko gawin? Ano na ba next ko?
Gusto ko na lang maggive up. Its not allowing me with the hesitation. Everytime I want to k!77 myself, I can't.
"You really write it in a blog, para kaawan ka?"
"Blog ba next mo gagawin?"
No. The reason why I write this just to express my thoughts. I'm really confused what to do in life. Ever since I was in my teenage years, di ko na alam gagawin ko. Nalilito at naliligaw na ko landas. Yet, I am just following the rules of life. Lahat na lang di bagay sakin. Ano pa ba pwede ko gawin para matangap ako?? All i just want to pass my thesis 1 and my QAs para di na ko materminate ng company. Nalilito na rin ako kung magreresign or hindi, if I resign I'm going broke. Wala na ko financial. Kulang ibibigay sakin. Yung 2k for a month, sobrang kulang yan. Kahit pa everyday mag123, di talaga kakayanin.
What to do? I'm loss and lost in life. I also lost interest in everything. Discipline na lang ginagawa ko to maintain my bodyweights, my knowledge and my beauty. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko.
I want to give up.
All I want is to defend my thesis and pass my QAs.
"Kasalanan mo yan kaya ganyan buhay mo. "
"Nagstop ka kasi na may financial naman. "
I did it because people around me wants me to be independent while studying. Ayaw nila nakikita umaasa ako sa magulang ko. Lahat nang galaw ko pinapakealam. Hindi ko naman gagawin yon pag wala nagsasabi. I am just following people saying. "Kumain ka tae" Napaka-OA nito. Bobo na nang tao pag sumunod sa ganyan.
Btw, I don't know why bakit need pa sabihin "sige nga, kumakain ka tae kasi sabi nila" Ang bobo mo naman. Napaka-OA naman. Ang exaggerated. Malamang, may sinasabi sila para daw sakin. This is the worst and nonsense advice ever. "Sabi nila kumain ka tae" Nonsense. Ofcourse may mga sinasabi sila sakin na need ko gawin.
Jax being a tablet holder hahahahahaha
Sequel of TADC
I just heard from Glitch and Gooseworx, they were not writing any sequel or atleast an episode 10 and I was like... say whuutt??? There's a lot of scenes it needs to be answer of or atleast give a damn ideas of the human characters. Huhu. My brain gonna explode if there were no sequel!!
Don't worry Glitch, this isn't ai. I write a story about their human life before, during, after entering circus. This is me talaga, I always write fanfic sequel or any fanfic about the characters. I'm gonna explode and might be nuts if do not have any sequel from the real writer/production. So here I am, writing fanfic. A novel type of fanfic that consists, idk how long but as soon as I finish it. Magulo pa naman ako magisip kung ano ano kasi (Hindi pa nga tapos yung iba story, gumawa nanaman.)
Okay, my story will go start when Pomni/Abby working as an accountant, btw, it didn't mentioned in the show she may or may not workaholic but... this is my own ideas of sequel. So the begnning of the story starts when Abby/Pomni is working too hard, not resting, her bestfriend co-worker becomes concern.. Kaya pinapabreak din, grabe din aman kasi magtrabaho kala mo talaga CEO ng company. Kakain pero sa harapan ng trabaho. (Pomni, please rest. Trabaho lang yan -__-)
It will end at Abby POV, when she will go to her abandoned adventure... it will be in Ragatha/Suzie POV when its in during of her circus. Since I estimated when she enters the circus, she was just left her hometown and cut communication with her mom. But I'll be writing of her before entering the circus din naman. It will end her POV at the time when she is horsebacking with a friend (love interest).
Next POV will be in Leroy/Jax... This fellow is a cisgender, sorry goose but I'm making Jax a straight person, I'm not a homophobic but I am letting Jax and Pomni/ Leroy and Abby a canon. Real canon to the fact, in my own story they are a real couple during circus. Kasi diba, they just met there or are they? We do not know viewers if they already met before the circus or what. So this guy POV on my own sequel will be during circus, when he is playing video games a bit then off to college, and by the way, I'm making Jax in his real life, working and indepdent person. He let him study college after leaving his mom as well. Then working for his financial status. He is paying his own rent and his uni, when he is already have scholarship by Grant Best'. So next POV will be Grant/Kinger, he is a computer science and programmer in Akira Capital, which was he was in C&A due to some leaving matter. It will reveal soon why he was left. Anyway, he also offering scholarships with students want to study without/struggles in their financial status. They don't know each other since, makikilala niya ba si Jax/Leroy sa dami ba naman student nagapply ng scholarschip nya? Basta I know, Leroy joined his scholarship. It will end Grant/Kinger POV when.. he is flashbacking the C&A and.. the ai he programmed.
Next POV.. since in the series, Leroy is already friend with Zooble. Zooble/Riley had a business provided by her parents, its just that they already managed the business on their own since its their desire and passion, at the same time a tattoo artist. Zooble/Riley a female born, but a nonbinary which, a pronoun of they/them. The POV will end after Leroy and his friends gone to their bar and having fun.
Next pov of the chapter will end on Gangle/Zoey. Zoey just finished her comic artist and submitted to her manager, then she will go to her favorite coffee shop to design another drawing. She then meet Zooble/Riley at that time, but in a clumsy way since she's too preoccupied.
Again, this is just my own imagination and my own work of fandiction. I'm not affiliated with Glitch and Gooseworx. Pero baka naman, ahem.. kuhanin niyo ko joke HAHAHAHA
What's wrong with me? Why am I suffering like this? :(
Ano ba mayron sakin, bakit lagi naiinis mga tao? Walang araw natatakot ako lumabas. Walang araw na natatakot ako pumasok sa work. Every single day, every company I go to, may trauma at takot ako. Inoovercome ko lang.
May crush ako, real person. If he crushback, I don't want him anymore.
Weird. Because before, I'm wishing to be a girlfriend. Even that crush may be a she, I still don't want it.
In short, I don't like people. Stay away from me please.
Evening thoughts
I am back on writing thoughts while travelling. First, it's so funny I'm wearing crocs as footwear, then wearing blazer and pants outfit. The rain is the reason why I'm wearing crocs, so please don't judge and too lazy to bring heels. Commute lang ako. Anyway, this isnt just my thoughts. Just sharing my outfit.
July 2nd of 2026. Ilan months and days na lang, 2027. I still don't know what life is. I don't know what my purpose. Siguro... I need to die na lang siguro. Confused and lost na ko. Di ko na alam gagawin ko.
Ano ba ang life? Is it really worth fight for? Do we need overcome those fears and challenges? Ang unfair naman. Why some people having easier challenges? May iba naman, gaano kahirap buhay nila, bakit ang swerte pa rin nila?
What is life?
For now, I don't know. And I really don't know. Pagod na ko. Ito ah, I already ate my comfort food. Twice already, my favorite snack and my dinner. I even had and will be having coffee later on my shift. Still, I'm losing interest in life. Everything. I don't love my ex, I don't want somebody. I don't like people in my life anymore. Trauma.
I have a crush. It's just a freaking crush, walang feelings each other and he doesn't know me. He even feel my existence rin naman. He's real. Not a fictional character, still.. Ayaw ko ma-crush back. If he ever crushing back me, I don't like it.
I hope one day, I'll fulfill my wish which to be abstracted.
Ang gulo naman. Pinapaikot ikot niyo ko lahat. :(
Let me abstracted. Di ko po kaya. Why am I having hesitation to k177 myself, I even scared when cutting my arms.