what a plot twist you were

[untofinality]

What does it mean to want? It's fashionable, lately, to talk about "desire," (particularly "female desire") but the romance of that word obscures the visceral confrontation of the sensation, the ways it is both direct and confounding. Desire creates an atmosphere of airy suggestion, sensual and vague; want is a bold straight line. Or at least it seems like one. But what feels like a straightforward emotion—there is no simpler word I can use than want—often sprouts tortuous complications. When you want things that are "bad for" you. When you want two opposing things at the same time. When you can understand why you want things you know are bad for you—when you can parse the psychological and sociological inputs that gave rise to the desires you should not have—but continue to want them nevertheless.

Lauren Oyler, Review of Incest Diary, July 18, 2017

[untofinality]

             𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓　 𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐋　 𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂　𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 　 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎

various lyrics pulled from konami’s  𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥 series. some lyrics have been altered for better sentence structure.  there will be uncomfortable themes,  such as blaspheme and themes of a zealous religious figure,  obsession,  and so forth. feel free to alter pronouns and referenced persons,  ex.  father  changed to mother or some other person.

ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛ ʜɪʟʟ : ʜᴏᴍᴇᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ❝ Enough with the lies,  tell me one more time. ❞ ❝ As you saw it,  your plan,  it was a real shot in the dark. ❞ ❝ You came a little too late,  it’s over. ❞ ❝ You’re here. ❞ ❝ It’s not fair,  I’m lost. ❞ ❝ Your God,  and your fear,  was it worth the price? ❞ ❝ Pray for the children you lost along the way. ❞ ❝ I still remember the names and faces. ❞ ❝ Cold and abandoned,  they cry,  their fate put in your hands. ❞ ❝ When it’s over,  they’ll come to haunt you. ❞ ❝ It’s just one more soul to the call. ❞ ❝ Where have you been? ❞ ❝ You are a different man. ❞ ❝ You disappeared,  and just like that,  you’re here. ❞ ❝ So did your time away from here renew your soul to make you strong? ❞ ❝ I thought you knew. ❞ ❝ It feels good just holding you. ❞ ❝ She’s gone,  I fear. ❞ ❝ I think there’s something wrong. ❞ ❝ Have you seen her?  She’s been away too long. ❞ ❝ So look around this dismal place,  some things have changed,  or can’t you tell? ❞ ❝ I’m glad you’re here,  I see you’re well.  And welcome home,  embrace your hell. ❞ ❝ In my mind,  faces keep returning. I still see her smile. ❞ ❝ I heard a sound,  a familiar voice! ❞ ❝ Why do you have no choice? ❞ ❝ I need to know. ❞ ❝ No,  you’ll never know. ❞ ❝ But all the roads lead me back to my home. ❞ ❝ Is she gone? ❞ ❝ Are you real?  Are you here? ❞ ❝ Can I trust who you say that you are? ❞ ❝ And who I am now? ❞ ❝ Is it me this time? ❞ ❝ Am I too far?  Did I cross that line?  It’s getting hard to tell. ❞ ❝ Different day and another war.  The order shifts,  and it tumbles down. ❞ ❝ I forgive all. ❞ ❝ This line can’t be broken.  This line that never can be crossed again. ❞ ❝ In time,  we’ll be forgiven. ❞ ❝ It’s the opposite of what you hear. ❞ ❝ Dying will be the least of your fears. ❞ ❝ You can’t give up. ❞ ❝ We have come too far to ever turn away. ❞ ❝ We have to swallow our fears. ❞ ❝ You can’t let go. ❞ ❝ Be prepared for anything. ❞ ❝ There’s something wrong,  and the worst is yet to come. ❞ ❝ It started long before me,  I never saw it coming. ❞ ❝ And in my darkest nightmare,  there are things that I can’t remember. ❞ ❝ The answer is drowning. ❞ ❝ This pain will last forever. ❞ ❝ Protect me,  correct me,  you’ve got your orders,  soldier. ❞ ❝ Sometimes I hear them coming. ❞ ❝ The power,  believing,  the hate I hate believing. ❞ ❝ It can’t be,  who are you?  I know you. ❞ ❝ You wouldn’t,  or would you? ❞ ❝ Your darkness,  I know it. ❞ ❝ Come forward. ❞ ❝ I’ve seen it.  I mean it. ❞ ❝ Your power is over,  I’ve come to change the order. ❞ ❝ My training is perfect. ❞ ❝ Your promise is broken. ❞ ❝ I’ve drank your sacred water. ❞ ❝ My mission is holy. ❞ ❝ I never saw it coming. ❞ ❝ You have your orders,  soldier. ❞

ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛ ʜɪʟʟ : ꜱʜᴀᴛᴛᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀɪᴇꜱ ❝ Maybe I didn’t love you quite as often as I could have.  And maybe I didn’t treat you quite as good as I should have. ❞ ❝ If I made you feel second best,  I’m so sorry I was blind. ❞ ❝ You were always on my mind. ❞ ❝ Maybe I didn’t hold you all those lonely,  lonely times. ❞ ❝ I guess I never told you I’m so happy that you’re mine. ❞ ❝ Little things I should have said and done,  I just never took the time. ❞ ❝ Tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died. ❞ ❝ Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied. ❞ ❝ I just never took the time. ❞ ❝ Did I wait too long? ❞ ❝ Did I wait too long?  The moment’s gone and now wasted. ❞ ❝ Coming back home?  It feels wrong,  the changes haunt me. ❞ ❝ It feels wrong. ❞ ❝ I feel lost  -  that’s how I feel! ❞ ❝ I know there’s something I’ve forgotten like a time,  a place,  a shattered memory. ❞ ❝ For me,  it’s more than I can seem to handle. ❞ ❝ The truth?  You lied. ❞ ❝ You said it can convince you to give up. ❞ ❝ This place will never set me free. ❞ ❝ Enough,  I know I really did it this time. ❞ ❝ It’s a sign,  this place is somewhere I should be. ❞ ❝ You’re taking a piece of my heart when you’re gone. ❞ ❝ What I lost to find and what I find brings me here. ❞ ❝ I know,  I know there’s something I’ve forgotten. ❞ ❝ Taking a piece of my heart,  that’s how it always starts. ❞ ❝ Time flows,  nobody knows,  the years just go by. ❞ ❝ Where do we go,  alone,  from here? ❞ ❝ What is wrong with me? ❞ ❝ Deep in the night you think everything’s right.  Tell it to yourself.  Say it’s just a nightmare. ❞ ❝ Something is telling you nothing can change where you are,  again. ❞ ❝ Why should it matter,  your dreams of a child? ❞ ❝ Innocence is gone,  there’s only fear to play with. ❞ ❝ Faces are changing,  but nothing is changing the pain. ❞ ❝ It’s too late. ❞ ❝ Two steps I take getting closer and closer,  and that one more breath I take sends me further back. ❞ ❝ Over and over,  it calls to your soul. ❞ ❝ Say it isn’t so. ❞ ❝ No one can help if the angels refuse to come near. ❞ ❝ Who’s there? ❞ ❝ Those cold faded photos,  they lay by your side. ❞ ❝ There’s something in my room,  never mind the reason. ❞ ❝ Visions are lying and reasons just live to survive. ❞ ❝ The cold.  The light.  The fear is returning.  And it’s not the eyes you feel that’s chilling you. ❞ ❝ In your mind’s eye lives a memory that’s hard to find,  blinded by sorrow. ❞ ❝ And her cold voice sings a melody;  hear her sing,  hell frozen rain falls down. ❞ ❝ She can’t hear your voice.  She can’t hear you call. ❞ ❝ You have burned your choice. ❞ ❝ If you’re here,  can you prove you’re really here? ❞ ❝ There is a moment in time when all the cards that you’ve played divide. ❞ ❝ Everything is wrong. ❞ ❝ This is not my home,  is it? ❞ ❝ Do I know your face? ❞ ❝ What does my mind wish to forget? ❞ ❝ A toast to lonely souls who never could take control of a life,  and all the missing we love,  I hope the darkness they fight will give them light. ❞ ❝ Are her safe arms feeling dangerous? ❞ ❝ You’re missing the truth frozen in lies. ❞ ❝ Is your family just a memory? ❞ ❝ Of all these pieces of broken dreams,  there’s one that scares and confuses me. ❞ ❝ If all these things that you say are true,  you should be someone I always knew. ❞ ❝ Are your loved ones just a memory burned in pain? ❞ ❝ Life is cold here. ❞

[untofinality]

               𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓　 𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐋　 𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂　𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 　 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄

various lyrics pulled from konami’s  𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥 series. some lyrics have been altered for better sentence structure.  there will be uncomfortable themes,  such as blaspheme and themes of a zealous religious figure,  obsession,  and so forth. feel free to alter pronouns and referenced persons,  ex.  father  changed to mother or some other person.

        ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛ ʜɪʟʟ 3 ❝ It would be a much better sight with you with me.❞ ❝ If you hadn’t met me,  I’d be fine on my own.❞ ❝ I never felt so lonely,  then you came along.  So now,  what should I do? ❞ ❝ So now,  what should I do? ❞ ❝ You gladly gave me everything you had and more.  You craved my happiness. ❞ ❝ When you made me feel joy,  it made you smile,  but now,  I feel your stress. ❞ ❝ Love was never meant to be such a crazy affair. ❞ ❝ And has time for tears? ❞ ❝ Never thought I’d sit around and cry for your love ‘til now. ❞ ❝ They’ve come to witness the beginning,  the rebirth of paradise despoiled by mankind. ❞ ❝ Remember me,  and your true self as well,  and also that which you must become. ❞ ❝ You must become the one who will lead us to paradise with blood-stained hands. ❞ ❝ There is another reason to fill your heart with hatred. ❞ ❝ It must be this way;  one day you will understand why. ❞ ❝ You will birth a god and build an eternal paradise. ❞ ❝ The time when all will be forgive their sins,  when the paradise we have long dreamed for will arrive after the judgement and atonement.❞ ❝ The world you wanted is nearly here. ❞ ❝ I wish only for the salvation of mankind;  but for that to happen,  the world must first be remade.❞ ❝ Am I still happy?  Have I grown more pretty,  is Daddy still a good man? ❞ ❝ If you forget how to smile,  I have this to tell you,  remember it once in a while :  ten years ago,  your past self prayed for your happiness. ❞ ❝ Please don’t lose hope. ❞ ❝ Soon we will know if it’s for real what we both feel. ❞ ❝ You have to realize we weren’t put on this earth to suffer and cry,  we were made for being happy.  So,  be happy,  for me,  for you ...  please. ❞ ❝ The world is teeming with unnecessary people. ❞ ❝ It’s god’s decision that I fight. ❞ ❝ I sacrifice myself to the blood of criminals. ❞ ❝ It’s too late for me now,  this town will win. ❞ ❝ The rest of the bar laughed at him,  but only I felt my hope grow dim. ❞ ❝ They found him dead the very next day. ❞ ❝ We blamed bad luck for his fate. ❞ ❝ Someday,  all things will end. ❞ ❝ I want a cup that overflows with love,  although,  it’s not enough to fill my heart. ❞ ❝ I want a barrel full of love,  although,  I know it’s not enough to fill my heart. ❞ ❝ I want a river full of love,  but then,  I know the holes will still remain. ❞ ❝ I need an ocean full of love. ❞ ❝ I’d love to dry my tears as the pain disappears. ❞ ❝ I need a miracle and not someone’s charity. ❞ ❝ One drop of love from him and my heart’s in ecstasy. ❞ ❝ This high that is sending me is most likely ending me. ❞ ❝ You’d be amazed at how little I need from him to feel complete. ❞ ❝ Stirring within me are these feelings I can’t ignore. ❞ ❝ I need a miracle and that’s what I’m hoping for. ❞ ❝ Anybody’s love but his will never fill this space within me. ❞ ❝ Doctor,  give me what I need to free my heart from misery. ❞ ❝ I stole something precious.❞ ❝ I hold truth like a torch. ❞

       ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛ ʜɪʟʟ 4 ❝ All these nightmares I once had as a child, it made it feel like the morning always came too late. ❞ ❝ What did my mind forget to hide? ❞ ❝ Could this be a waking nightmare? I don’t know. ❞ ❝ I’ll never know if it’s an illusion. ❞ ❝ Not again, not again, not again - this dream I can’t wake up from. ❞ ❝ What is real? ❞ ❝ It’s getting hard for me to take. ❞ ❝ What I need? I need a little somethin’ I can rely on. ❞ ❝ I’m breaking down. I need it now! ❞ ❝ Mother’s sugar always loves me. ❞ ❝ Oh the sweet sugar saves me,  it’s this room that confines me. ❞ ❝ What are they looking for? ❞ ❝ Their song is starting to make some sense,  only if you’re listening. ❞ ❝ What I heard is hard to explain. ❞ ❝ Does the scent of soil and beasts breathe life into the animalistic side you hide? ❞ ❝ It’s a great illusion. ❞ ❝ When you think you’re really alone,  do you feel the eyes of someone looking in on you? ❞ ❝ Only the scent of you remains to dance with me. ❞ ❝ Nobody showed me how to return the love you gave to me. ❞ ❝ Mom never holds me.  Dad loves a stranger more than me. ❞ ❝ I never wanted to ever bring you down. ❞ ❝ All that I need are some simple loving words. ❞ ❝ You touched my body, once.  It still burns me softly. ❞ ❝ I will never forget,  and I know it will never be again. ❞ ❝ I’m out of my head,  and I don’t know what I found. ❞ ❝ I can feel it break me down. ❞ ❝ Your tears,  they mean nothing to me. ❞ ❝ The love you never gave,  I’ll give to you. ❞ ❝ You really don’t deserve it. ❞ ❝ But now,  there’s nothing you can do. ❞ ❝ So sleep in your only memory of me, my dearest. ❞ ❝ Are you hiding away? ❞ ❝ Perhaps you’re happy without me. ❞ ❝ I would never have felt sad. ❞ ❝ You will not hear me say I’m sorry. ❞ ❝ Where is the light? ❞ ❝ Here’s a lullaby to close your eyes. ❞ ❝ It was always you that I despised. ❞ ❝ I hear your gentle voice;  your words echo inside of me. ❞ ❝ You said you long for me.  That you love me. ❞ ❝ And I want to see you, too. ❞ ❝ It feels just like I’m falling. ❞ ❝ Is there nothing I can do? ❞ ❝ I had wondered if you heard my calling. ❞ ❝ I’m here and waiting for you.  Where are you?  I can’t find you. ❞ ❝ I’ll wait forever for you. ❞ ❝ Mom’s gone to Heaven now. ❞ ❝ Does she have someone she loves more than me? ❞ ❝ I thought I could love you better. ❞ ❝ We were always together.  If we took some time apart,  I think you would finally know my heart. ❞ ❝ I fell in love with you,  and now you’re gone. ❞

ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛ ʜɪʟʟ : ᴢᴇʀᴏ ❝ They make fun of me. ❞ ❝ Is it you again? ❞ ❝ Can this be the end,  forever? ❞ ❝ Say it again,  like you said,  does it sound like you? ❞ ❝ Where are you now? ❞ ❝ Does the young one know you’re hear? ❞ ❝ Can you hide who you are? ❞ ❝ That a look at yourself,  can you stop what will be? ❞ ❝ You think running will help? ❞ ❝ You can’t give up on the past when the past never ends. ❞ ❝ What have you done? You’re insane. ❞ ❝ Can you bring God down? ❞ ❝ Those plans that you made don’t include me. ❞ ❝ Your sacrifice wasn’t wanted,  still you try. ❞ ❝ Is it lonely where you are in there,  dad? ❞ ❝ Does the darkness know your name?  Does mom? ❞ ❝ What’s it like?  Can you feel? ❞ ❝ Dad,  do you know what you’ve done this time to me? ❞ ❝ Did you have that dream again? ❞ ❝ Release,  breathe. ❞ ❝ I can see through the fear,  nice try. ❞ ❝ Just a matter of time?  It’s another lie. ❞ ❝ It sure looks like it’s me. ❞ ❝ It’s closer to the source of my pain. ❞ ❝ I’m not myself. ❞ ❝ My God,  what have you done? ❞ ❝ And the nightmares are good,  so good. ❞ ❝ Will I ever wake up?  Am I here right now? ❞ ❝ Was the question too hard? ❞ ❝ [ Dad ] was right. ❞ ❝ [ Mommy ],  am I dead now? ❞ ❝ Tell me,  why do we ... ❞ ❝ Oh yeah,  I’ve been here before.  I can see it with eyes closed. ❞ ❝ Why won’t you let me out? ❞ ❝ Does the evil excite you? ❞ ❝ Haven’t you had enough? ❞ ❝ Does the feeling control you? ❞ ❝ Just when I think I’m okay,  shadows surround me. ❞ ❝ Let me out! ❞ ❝ No more,  I’m through. ❞ ❝ You win,  I’m dead. ❞ ❝ You’re sorry,  sorry?  No,  you’re a liar! ❞ ❝ It’s over.  There’s nothing here left alive. ❞

[untofinality]

Chelsea Wolfe, from Birth Of Violence; “Dirt Universe,” released c. 2019

[untofinality]

I have obtained everything that I have desired in this harsh, fierce life because I have desired it harshly and fiercely.

Nikos Kazantzakis, from a letter to Edwige Levi written c. October 1925

[untofinality]

I think I’m always trying to find the balance between softness and strength because both of those exist within me

Chelsea Wolfe, from an interview conducted by Natasha Scharf c. April 2020

[untofinality]

Beautiful, between the twilight and the night.

Yannis Ritsos, tr. by Kimon Friar, from Modern Greek Poetry; “For Greater Accuracy,”

[untofinality]

Chelsea Wolfe, from Abyss; “Color of Blood,” originally released c. August 2015

[untofinality]

The personal, if it is deep enough, becomes universal, mythical, symbolic I never generalize intellectualize. I see, I hear, I feel. These are my primitive instruments of discovery.

Anaïs Nin

[untofinality]

❝ what do you do when you're twenty-one and you've already achieved everything that most people can only dream of? You have the rest of your life in front of you, but nowhere else to go. ❞

[untofinality]

❝ And once the thought of leaving was in her mind, it grew and grew like reaching vines and could not be hacked down. ❞

　 　 Ava Reid

[untofinality]

❝ When I was younger, their mean words made me cry. At twenty-three, I learned to close my ears to them, or even to relish them with a resigned, perverse bitterness, closing my fist around the old hurt. ❞

　 　 Ava Reid

[untofinality]

She looked, and a scarlet butterfly flew away from her, away down the length of the tower, and then another, another, an unraveling scarf of butterflies like winged blood. 　 　 Tanith Lee

[untofinality]

It was not apathy. It was an intelligent disinterest in those things that could have no bearing on one's existence.

[untofinality]

                𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐊𝐀𝐈　𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐓　　 𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂　𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

various lyrics pulled from mihoyo / hoyoverse's  honkai impact  ;  altered and edited for ease of use. feel free to alter pronouns as need be.

𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧 ❝ Whatever you say, you can’t hold me back. ❞ ❝ I’ll follow my craving. ❞ ❝ Head on, start a riot. ❞

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 ❝ I was born out of this great divide. ❞ ❝ I need to live my life. ❞ ❝ I'm burned out. ❞ ❝ Our fight still keeps flowing. ❞ ❝ I must struggle to survive so that this beautiful and perfect world comes back to life. ❞ ❝ I need to live my life enough before all the leaves fall to pieces, 'till I'm burned out. ❞ ❝ I must struggle to survive. ❞

𝐛𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐣𝐮𝐦𝐩 ❝ Detected potential threat, entering high alert mode. ❞ ❝ How dangerous? ❞ ❝ Her attitude never changes. ❞ ❝ Everything is in her plans. ❞ ❝ A relaxing game for a pro like her. ❞ ❝ Her emotions do not interfere. ❞ ❝ Traps are identified with utmost care. ❞ ❝ Try me! ❞ ❝ War is like a party. ❞

𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 ❝ The world lies in pieces at my feet. ❞ ❝ Help me gain insight. ❞ ❝ Hail my proud queen. ❞ ❝ That wax and wane showed its ebb and flow. ❞ ❝ Selah, selah, are chanting evermore. ❞ ❝ Hear, oh hear all the voices trapped in thee. ❞ ❝ I see myself in your eyes that are colorless. ❞ ❝ Visions pass and emotions run through me. ❞ ❝ Fair moonlight, will you fill my void eyes? ❞

𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐰 ❝ I'm being called upon. ❞ ❝ I'll never let you go. ❞ ❝ I'll never let you go, it's why I did all that for a chance, at least, to live in your way. ❞ ❝ My love for you is my most cherished thing, so stay alive, bravely. ❞ ❝ I wish I could wake up from this dream each time I dream. ❞ ❝ There's a long night coming soon. ❞ ❝ I'd shine as the last shine. ❞ ❝ So stay alive, bravely. ❞

𝐜𝐲𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 ❝ Corrupt binary codes are infecting my mind. ❞ ❝ Perform the invocation with numbing freeze. ❞ ❝ Querying for a variable and seizing the time to recompile and trigger my destiny. ❞ ❝ Though my wings've been bloodstained and could never be cleaned, I will try hard to soar to the heaven I dreamed of. ❞ ❝ There is no "exception" in this library for I know I will always go with you. ❞ ❝ I charged up my armor into lightspeed. ❞ ❝ Querying for a variable and seizing the time in a new day coming not so far away. ❞ ❝ I will try hard to soar to the heaven I dreamed of. ❞ ❝ I know I will always go with you. ❞

𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐞𝐠𝐨 ❝ I think back to the time when I used to feel your hand in mine. ❞ ❝ The tiniest tenderness might melt the ice into tears. ❞ ❝ I remain far from the world that still makes both of my eyes blurred. ❞ ❝ Not a word could I say to wake up a dreamer. ❞ ❝ Call out my name when you see the tide turn me away. ❞ ❝ Long ago buried heart torn apart, so it hurts ... how it lasts 'till I draw one more last final breath. ❞ ❝ Where to go? When to return? ❞ ❝ May it be one for all. ❞ ❝ Once in a while let my shadow stand by your side, filling the emptiness of your mind, and then disappear. ❞ ❝ Dreams can be real when a soul is armored in steel. ❞ ❝ No more fear of right or wrong. ❞ ❝ Call out my name. ❞ ❝ Come play with me. ❞ ❝ 'till I draw one more last final breath. ❞

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 ❝ What is reflected in my eyes? ❞ ❝ What is reflected in my eyes? Not the moonlight in a starless midnight that showers on the people passing by. ❞ ❝ One's so small and the world's so wide. ❞ ❝ Every step forward echoes a sigh. ❞ ❝ I reach out for the halo far up high. ❞ ❝ Deeply engraved in my memory, silent but not forgotten. ❞ ❝ Someone has gone but their voice within me remains. ❞ ❝ Once I remember all the tales written inside. ❞ ❝ I'll follow what my heart used to believe. ❞ ❝ Crash against the barrier abovе the crowd. ❞ ❝ I want no tomorrow or yesterday. ❞ ❝ These sparkles shine and never fade 'till the break of day. ❞

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐤𝐚𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐚 ❝ Your smile is tainted and your face is cold. There's no more comfort in your lips and cheeks. ❞ ❝ The whirling noise is pulling me within the tainted carcass of this world. ❞ ❝ All the incandescent stars of heaven will die at the end of days. ❞ ❝ Your gentle soul is given to damnation. ❞ ❝ The crimson moon shines upon a town that is smeared in blood. ❞ ❝ All those sweet little dreams are buried deep in memories until the very end. ❞ ❝ The lost and faded truth of bygone memories hiddеn deep in my corrupt body. ❞ ❝ I can hear the voices of the people I miss in this final song. ❞ ❝ I would tremble just to hold them once more. ❞ ❝ A florid moon shines upon a world that is doomed to die ... ❞ ❝ All our pale, fleeting dreams are where the truths are hidden until they fade away. ❞ ❝ All those sweet little dreams are buried deep in memories until the very end. ❞

𝐫𝐮𝐛𝐢𝐚 ❝ Life blooms like a flower, far away or by the road ❞ ❝ Waiting for the one to find the way back home. ❞ ❝ Rain falls a thousand times. ❞ ❝ No footprints of come-and-go. ❞ ❝ You who once went by, where will you belong? ❞ ❝ I feel your sigh and breath in the last blow of wind. ❞ ❝ Not ready yet for the story on the last page? ❞ ❝ It's not the end. ❞ ❝ Life blooms like a flower. ❞ ❝ Find the way back home. ❞ ❝ There is always a long way to go 'til I reach your arms. ❞ ❝ Up against the stream, waterways will join as one, tracing to the source, no longer strayed or lost. ❞ ❝ You will see petals fly when lament becomes carol. ❞ ❝ Could you please hear my voice that hungers for a duet? ❞ ❝ There is always a long way to go. ❞

𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐨 ❝ Some deserts on this planet were oceans once. ❞ ❝ Somewhere shrouded by the night, the sun will shine. ❞ ❝ Sometimes I see a dying bird fall to the ground but it used to fly so high. ❞ ❝ I thought I was no more than a bystander 'till I felt a touch so real. ❞ ❝ I will no longer be a transient when I see smiles with tears. ❞ ❝ If I had never known the soreness of farewell and pain of sacrifices. ❞ ❝ What else should I engrave on my mind? ❞ ❝ Frozen into icy rocks, that’s how it starts.  Crumbled like the sands of time, that’s how it ends. ❞ ❝ That's how it starts. ❞ ❝ That’s how it ends. ❞ ❝ Every page of tragedy is thrown away and burned out in the flame. ❞ ❝ A shoulder for the past. ❞ ❝ Let out the cries that have been imprisoned for so long. ❞ ❝ A pair of wings for me,  at this moment,  to soar above this world. ❞ ❝ Turn into a shooting star that briefly shines but warms up every heart. ❞ ❝ May all the beauty be blessed. ❞ ❝ I will never go. ❞ ❝ There’s a way back home. ❞ ❝ Brighter than tomorrow and yesterday, may all the beauty be blessed. ❞ ❝ Wave goodbye to the past when hope and faith have grown so strong and sound. ❞ ❝ Unfold this pair of wings for me, again, to soar above this world. ❞ ❝ I turned into a moon that always tells the warmth and brightness of the sun. ❞

𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 ❝ Too much of the past for one to memorize. ❞ ❝ Too many words remained for one to read through the lines. ❞ ❝ Every night brings a dream but the day, relentlessly, keeps me awake. ❞ ❝ Life is too long to end at a grave. ❞ ❝ Just a drop of water sufficеs. ❞ ❝ Gone are those years of living for a reason. ❞ ❝ Here it comes,  the moment of the scene of lost and found. ❞ ❝ Personas played out on the stage will return to the self when there’s a curtain call. ❞ ❝ Everyone has their own desire leading to the ultimate. ❞ ❝ Still,  I wish to embrace the world with my thoughts. ❞

𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 ❝ Say my name when a tree susurrates. ❞ ❝ Once and again telling a story lost in time. The way it starts and the way it ends ❞ ❝ Never again making up stories in dismay with several starts, but just one end. ❞ ❝ How I long to embrace the future breaking out of shades from the past. ❞ ❝ Save your tears for the day so far away, to irrigate the wilderness that's still asleep in the world waiting to be lit. To spread over the riverbeds so dry and dead. ❞ ❝ Let ships that ran aground re-launch their sails. ❞ ❝ Seeds bear new life when flowers dare to fade. ❞ ❝ Petals linger about awaiting one last dance. ❞ ❝ Shaking off all the dust from the past, new stories have yet to start. ❞

𝐨𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐬 ❝ All over the street, shining the old neon in endless rain, what have you had to become? ❞ ❝ How many times do I wanna wake you up? ❞ ❝ I've given you up. I'm going on my own way, alone. ❞ ❝ Who we are, and how far we've gone? ❞ ❝ Let us heal the misery and plant the seed we have promised. ❞ ❝ Time is up, go grab your arms. ❞ ❝ No matter how hard we have to become, we shall fight forever! ❞ ❝ I heard it from no one, it just occurred to me. ❞ ❝ What have you had to become? ❞

𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐥𝐞 ❝ Carved on stones buried deep in the earth and long submerged beneath waterfalls. ❞ ❝ Tell us what to believe, without any doubt. ❞ ❝ Without any doubt never let us down. ❞ ❝ Tell us when to depart for a promised truth despite the day of doom. ❞ ❝ A bloodline stretches out one more inch with every heartbеat. ❞ ❝ We have grown up before taking the heart of grace. ❞ ❝ We still struggle against the fear of being unarmed. ❞ ❝ No one would be able to look down upon this world. ❞

[untofinality]

　 𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐘 　—— 　𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐋 　𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

various lyrics pulled from Ramsey's  ( 2019 )  album  the art of survival  ;  featuring nsfw themes. feel free to edit as need be.

❛  I'll take you back.  ❜

❛  sit back,  babe,  I don't want your love.  ❜

❛  let me show what life's about.  ❜

❛  [ ... ]'s been paying all night to see me.  ❜

❛  I'm so lost in the heat of it all.  ❜

❛  I'm just dying for something to free me.  ❜

❛  I feel weak and uninspired.  ❜

❛  so bored, don't know why nothing can please me.  ❜

❛  the more I do to feel excited,  the harder it becomes to release me.  ❜

❛  I'd hurt but I don't have a heart.  ❜

❛  don't care if I hurt you or not,  too busy with my own pain.  ❜

❛  I never thought I'd stay this long.  ❜

❛  come on back, I'll tell you more.  ❜

❛  I used to sit alone and watch the cars drive by.  ❜

❛  [ ... ]'d come into the room to watch me cry,  then leave me.  ❜

❛  I never knew what I'd have to hide until I met you.  ❜

❛  shame on my desire,  look at what it made me do.  ❜

❛  I'm the type of thief who be watching you before I come out.  ❜

❛  be careful I got eyes in the back of my head.  ❜

❛  all I wanna do is cash out, get the money, bring it right back to you.  ❜

❛  I could make a bet [ ... ]’s been loving on you all night.  ❜

❛  any moment I'll be feelin' alright.  ❜

❛  I'm telling you that you got me.  ❜

❛  I'm now alive thanks to you.  ❜

❛  I feel so ugly when I'm honest.  ❜

❛  I don't wanna fuck,  I wanna see what I can get.  ❜

❛  why don't you sit down, take your belt off?❜

❛  if you pay me enough we could stay here.❜

❛  my dirty voice,  my filthy shows;  I get down for you every night.❜

❛  my vicious love,  my lethal heart.❜

❛  I wanna screw you up into me.❜

❛  I want you nervous.❜

❛  I’m just a bandaid.❜

❛  I’m at your service.❜

❛  you're bad,  bad,  bad.❜

❛  my ugly thoughts.  my guilty lust ...❜

❛  I wanna run to you,  baby.❜

❛  baby, I dig what you do to me.❜

❛  I wish I was wrong.❜

❛  I wish I could stay.❜

❛  my head still holds on,  my heart pulls away,  and now that it's over.❜

❛  who else could ever love me like you do?❜

❛  they don't know about me,  they don't know me like you do.❜

❛  nobody understands you like I do.❜

❛  they don't know about us, they don't know what we've been through.❜

❛  you gave me the strength to always hold on.❜

❛  even though it's over,  I'm by your side.❜

❛  no one will ever love me like you do.❜

❛  was there something that I could have said to make you believe me?❜

❛  I did everything I could to show you but was it enough.❜

❛  I got tired of fighting and hoping that you would leave me.❜

❛  should have known I'd go back to the only thing that I knew.❜

❛  all of the time I was trying to be somebody I was not.❜

❛  maybe love  ——  maybe love's not enough?❜

❛  I give up.  I'm in love with the rush.❜

❛  I give up,  you were never enough.❜

❛  was there something that you could have done to keep me from leaving?❜

❛  by the time I got home did you know all the places I'd been?❜

❛  I'm easy, you don't have to work hard.❜

❛  you run me in circles.❜

❛  if you taste me it might just make you hungry and force you to eat me.❜

❛  sick of your acting.  you’re faking something you shouldn’t hide.❜

❛  I’m warning you,  no more faith.  don’t say you see the demons dancing in my face.❜

❛  I’m calling fiction on all religion!❜

❛  they call me lady of the night.❜

❛  I wanna see your dark side.❜

❛  I belong to you, I give you the power.❜

❛  you're the only one that I let in, you tear my walls down.❜

❛  I can tell your energy is mine now.❜

❛  oh yeah, I feel it right now.❜

❛  'cause everything is better, I think I'm high now.❜

❛  loving you is heavy on my mind now.❜

❛  I want it right now.❜

❛  baby, you can bite me if you like that, I wouldn't fight that.❜

❛  drift away to nothing when I ride that.❜

❛  I let you fuck away my pain and make it come back.❜

❛  look at me and tell me that you like that.❜

❛  love is pain.❜

❛  knife up, hold your knife up.❜

❛  baby, you're divine, I leave my body.❜

❛  look at me.  ❜

[untofinality]

❝ …     she’d be perfectly content with a chorus role, warning that fate is coming to make havoc of all things. ❞              ―      Helen Oyeyemi,            Mr. Fox