@untothedust - Tumblr Blog

There was a woman that I met on tumblr back in 2020. We became close after a few months, but due to personal problems going on in my life at the time, we stopped talking. Throughout the course of four years, I’d find myself thinking about her from time to time. I’d wonder how she was doing, if she was happy, etc. I tried looking for her on tumblr throughout those years, as well as other social media, but could never find anything. Then one day, she randomly started following me again on Instagram. I couldn’t even believe it; the happiness that I felt was unreal. My life at the time was stressful, so seeing her again was a breath of fresh air. We started talking again, and eventually, months later we started dating. We knew it would both be stressful given the fact that it was a long-distance relationship, but I reassured her that it wouldn’t be a problem because the idea of a future with her made it worth trying. No matter how hard things would get, I would not stop putting in every bit of my effort.

After a few months of dating, I finally bought a plane ticket and used my passport to visit her. I met her family, learned more about their culture, and we created memories that would last a lifetime. The happiness that I felt with this woman was unlike anything I’ve experienced before. Even in past relationships, when I truly thought I was in love, it came nowhere close to this experience. As if it were on a completely different level. Over the course of the next year, I would fly down to see her at least every two months, for about a week or two. Each time, it felt better than the last. Although things were perfect when we were together, when I would leave to go back home, anxiety started to grow more and more. We learned as much as we could through trial and error on how to communicate our feelings in the best way, and how to deal with these emotions, but these anxieties and intrusive thoughts did not seem to be getting any better. Eventually, it grew to be too much for her, and we broke up. I tried everything, even when I was being pushed away, I couldn’t help but still give everything I had to make it work. Despite how I feel, I appreciate her because I know she tried as well.

I’ve had this empty feeling in my chest for a couple of weeks now. I’ve been heartbroken in the past, but this is truly unlike anything I’ve felt before. I felt the need to type all of this out and vent into the void in hopes that I could find some sort of relief. Not sure if it helped, but at least I tried.