Untouchable Vanity

Without vanity, without coquetry, without curiosity, in a word, without the fall, woman would not be woman. Much of her grace is in her frailty. -- Victor Hugo

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Can't sleep. 

Went to get a pomegranate. 

A perfect pomegranate has six hundred and three seeds. 

I ripped apart the skin and let the contents of the seeds fall out. The red juice ran over my fingers and the best part, the seeds, were slipping through my fingers. 

My mind was screaming as it usually does. I should be careful, I should leave. That dye could get on my clothes. 

I can never get this voice off. I can only not listen to it. I only not listen to it when it's pushed far away to the back of my mind where it just sounds like a raised voice instead of full on screaming. 

I can only push it that far when I've been up for more then 24 hours straight or am unbearably tired. Or if my heart is beating so fast that even the screaming of that voice is drowned out. 

I am tired. I can not sleep. I keep going. 

I counted them once, only once. I did it very carefully, grouped them in groups when I was done with 25 of them so I'd be able to count them over if I had to. 

I counted 612. 

That wasn't perfect so I recounted them. 

I counted 612, again. 

I cried until the morning light reached me in the empty classroom and then I went to my room to get ready for that day. I skipped my morning exercise with Evan. He can see me when others can't.

 I don't skip Quidditch. I'm a leader, I'm their Captain. I have to be their to guide them regardless of what I do in the night. 

I couldn't stop thinking about that pomegranate at all today. 

  Would it have been better if there were 612 or 614? If there was 614 I would have been able to crush one of those seeds or eaten and then it would have been perfect. You can't make 612 perfect. But at least 614 wouldn't feel like it lost anything. Is something still perfect if you take away something wrong with them? 

So which one did I decided would be better? Accepting 612 for it's flaws? Or wanting a 614 and then crushing out the one extra and pretending it was never there? 

At the end of the day I decided that a pomegranate that has 613 is better and best and everything else is unacceptable. 

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