On the 10th of February 2026, Senator EATB made the claim that the senators are āall different people with different opinionsā. But how true is that? Can we really trust that our Senators are not of a single mind? Can we trust that they are notā¦ a hivemind?
When I, an independent journalist, suggested that they may indeed be a hivemind, I was shut down immediately by that same senator. Such a quick, immediate response, almost as if the Senate had prepared for someone to question them. And yet, there was no evidence to accompany that refusal - they expect us to just follow along like sheep and believe their every word!
Well, not anymore! Have you ever wondered why Congress is so opaque in their discussions? We only see glimpses of their thoughts, in the rare oversight hearing or briefing, or perhaps encountered in the wilds of Redmont or discord. And yet we, the citizens, have such little say in what decisions get made. The occasional referendum or election will be tossed our way as scraps of democracy. And yet the ones in charge are those who decide what decisions we even get to vote on!
We took to the streets to interview citizens on this topic, to hear their concerns where otherwise their voices would fall silent.
Our first interviewee was Scassany Contour, current Secretary of Education. Despite her high position, even she has managed to have the truth hidden from her eyes.
JOURNALIST: Miss Scassany, what are your thoughts on the Senator hivemind?
SCASSANY: Hmm, I havenāt heard of this hive mind beforeā¦ Concerning.
JOURNALIST: Thatās intentional, they donāt want you to know the truth.
SCASSANY: I think they should open a hearing into it.
JOURNALIST: A hearing into their own hivemind? Do you think they could remain impartial?
SCASSANY: I canāt think of any better experts on Senatorial hiveminds to run a hearing.
Or maybe the Secretary is more shrewd than she appearsā¦ If the Senate were to hold an investigation on their hivemind, it would become clear to the public that their investigation was a sham or perhaps even reveal crucial evidence that could be used to prove their existence! Clever foxā¦
Our second interviewee was Gribble19, a former-Senator who recently disappeared from the public eye. I knew that in approaching her, I would need to tread carefullyā¦
JOURNALIST: What are your thoughts on the Senator hivemind?
GRIBBLE: The Senator hivemindā¦ I canāt say I know what that is! I used to be a Senator onceā¦
JOURNALIST: I sawā¦ perhaps you donāt know what it is because they tampered with your memories?
GRIBBLE: My memoriesā¦ That doesnāt sound good!
JOURNALIST: It sure doesnāt!Ā
GRIBBLE: Thinking of itā¦ I canāt remember the last time I was here.
JOURNALIST: Oh myā¦ What do you think can be done to keep us safe from the Senator hivemind?
At this point, former-senator gribble paused for a moment before smiling brightly.
GRIBBLE: I think we have nothing to worry about the Senator hivemind. Surely they have our best interests in mind!
JOURNALIST: Hmmm... Hmmmmmm...... Well, thank you for your time.
GRIBBLE: Yesā¦ Yes.. You're welcome.
My concerns only grew here. As a former-Senator, youād think that Gribble would be able to give a solid answer on whether it existed or not. And yet, throughout the interview, Gribble seemed dazed and confused, only to suddenly snap into cheerful awareness. It is clear that the hivemindās influence still lingersā¦
Our third interviewee was NovaKerbal, state prosecutor and owner of a very lovely underwater home. This is of note - Nova was so scared of the hivemind that she insisted we conduct the interview in her home, rather than on the streets.
JOURNALIST: What are your thoughts on the Senator hivemind?
NOVA: I think itās very concerning how they act in unison, we need to break them up. Iāve heard they are plotting a takeover of the House into one unified congressional hivemind.
JOURNALIST: Woah.... Concerning, if true.... What do you think theyāre planning?
NOVA: I think they want to take over so that they can install a frog as the supreme emperorā¦ Like some kind of FrogEmperor.
JOURNALIST: A f-f-f-f-frog?!
NOVA: Yes! Itās very scary, the only thing I could think of that would be more diabolical would be a king toad. But this could never happen, even the Senator hivemind is not that diabolical.
JOURNALIST: It is good to have optimismā¦ but I fear they would stop at nothing to accomplish their plans.
NOVA: How trueā¦ The AFCR (Armed Forces of Redmont) must be informed so they can track down the evil plotters.
JOURNALIST: How will you protect yourself from the hivemind's influence?
NOVA: I built myself a bunker under my ranch with enough food to last a thousand years. If the hivemind moves against Redmont, I shall hide.
Itās clear that, despite her fears, Nova is prepared for any situation. She also has amazing insight into what the Senator hivemind has plannedā¦ Keep an eye on your Representatives.
Our fourth interviewee was Ollie_MineCraft, an ordinary businessman.
JOURNALIST: What are your thoughts on the Senator hivemind?
OLLIE: I'm not really into that sort of stuff, I prefer to focus more on my business.
A common sentiment, held by so many hapless citizens of our nation. They do not care what happens in the lofty political sphere. It is out of reach, for many of them. And this is what the hivemind relies on! That those who do not turn their eyes upwards, to their Senators, to their Congress, will remain ignorant! This is why Unveil Media must exist - to throw the truth in front of them, so they cannot look away.
Our final interviewee was tortenwashere, a long-time journalist of Redmont who left and yet has returned to us.
JOURNALIST: What are your thoughts on the Senator hivemind?
TORTEN: There's a senator named hivemind?
JOURNALIST: No, no... A hivemind of senators!
TORTEN: Oh, they're scary
JOURNALIST: Super scary. How will you protect yourself from the hivemind's influence?
TORTEN: Dig a bunker in the wild and never see civilization again.
JOURNALIST: An excellent idea.... I'm sure we'll see more bunkers in time. Any advice for those looking to escape its influence but unable to get a bunker?
TORTEN: Run for their lives.
A grim reality for manyā¦ Take this as your sign! If you cannot stop the Senator hivemind, prepare yourselves! Build bunkers, ready yourself for the inevitable end if the hivemind is not stopped. And failing thatā¦ Run. Run until you cannot run anymore.
Unveil Media is a satirical news organisation that parodies conspiracy theory based news. None of its claims should be taken seriously and any names or interviews used should be considered under that same umbrella.
