Behavior
Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their true image. Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
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Behavior
Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their true image. Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Even though you have been shattered, always remember, mosaics are made of broken pieces..
“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.
Elizabeth Taylor (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
20 Questions
CAST: Ezra - Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Aria. Magtatrabaho bilang researcher sa isang finanIyal firm. Aria - Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Ezra. 2 years ahead kay Ezra. SCENE: Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort. Naglalatag ng kumot si Ezra sa sahig habang inaayos ni Aria ang kanyang higaan. ARIA: Sige na, Ezra. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man. Naaawa ako sa'yo e. Tabi na tayo sa kama. EZRA: Hindi, okay lang ako dito. ARIA: Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no. Malaki naman itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna. EZRA: Sure ka? ARIA: Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no? EZRA: (Matatawa) Okay ka lang? ARIA: Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot na divider. EZRA: Good idea. Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati ang kama sa gitna. Magsesettle down ang dalawa. Ilalabas ni Ezra ang libro niya: "Puppy Love and other Stories" ni F. Sionil Jose. Si Aria naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music habang nagsa-zazen. ARIA: Do you mind? EZRA: No, go ahead. I'm just reading. Magsa-zazen si Aria. Magbabasa si Ezra. Pareho silang di maka-concentrate. Papatayin ni Aria ang CD player niya. ARIA: I can't believe our friends. EZRA: Oo nga e. ARIA: Dapat ginagawa nila 'to sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada o kaya sa bagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats. EZRA: Thanks. ARIA: So what're your plans? EZRA: Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng BPI sa OTP nila. ARIA: Wow naman. In demand. EZRA: Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this tradition anyway? ARIA: (Matatawa) You won't believe it. EZRA: Ikaw? ARIA: Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw. EZRA: So why did you start it? ARIA: Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon. Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko, magsimula kami ng tradition. Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae. Ku ng sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin sa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we'll all see what happens. Pero dinaya nam in noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald at Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery. EZRA: (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo! ARIA: Kaya nga nakarma na ako e. EZRA: So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery? ARIA: (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo? EZRA: Feeling ko may nagtrip sa'kin sa barkada e. ARIA: Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don't see any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year, unless may crush ka sa'kin na di ko alam at alam nila (tatawa). EZRA: Baka ikaw (tatawa). ARIA: The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far. EZRA: I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Iya ang biktima. ARIA: And last year were Rod and Kay. They're getting married kailan? Sa June yata. EZRA: What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at isang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyari doon! ARIA: That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti) EZRA: E kung may madisgrasya? ARIA: Ano'ng disgrasya? EZRA: Alam mo na 'yun! Hahawiin ni Aria ang divider nilang kumot. ARIA: Ano? Sex? Pa'no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka naman. Di mo masabi. EZRA: Ang alin? ARIA: Ang sex! EZRA: Hah! ARIA: Sige nga sabihin mo nga? EZRA: Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga. ARIA: Shet, Ezra. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin! EZRA: Excuse me? ARIA: Sabihin mo nga: "Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!" EZRA: Para kang bata, Aria ha. ARIA: You used to call me ate Aria when you were in third year. EZRA: Well, graduate na po ako, ate Aria. Tahimik. EZRA: Hmmm. I wonder if we're gonna last three days. ARIA: (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa'kin? Di sasagot si Ezra. ARIA: We're gonna survive this one. EZRA: What makes you so sure? ARIA: No offense, Ezra. I honestly find you very attractive pero I've no time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka' EZRA: Same here. ARIA: Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don't have time for this? (Matatawa) Di sasagot si Ezra. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Aria ang CD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Ezra ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa. Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito. EZRA: Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive. ARIA: May chips ba diyan? EZRA: Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman. Papatayin ni Aria ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha ng chips sa ibabaw ng ref. ARIA: Since we're gonna be stuck naman with each other for three days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin. EZRA: What do you mean? ARIA: Get the wine, let's have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and we're gonna be the first failure of this tradition. EZRA: Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.) When they chose Iya and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo na sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin silang umamin sa isa't isa. Pero us... ARIA: Weird ng barkada natin no? EZRA: To our barkada and our weird traditions! ARIA: To us, the first failure of this tradition! Magto-toast sila at iinom. EZRA: Sige, ate Aria. Let's make our stay here more interesting. .. ARIA: What's with the ate? EZRA: Fine... Bubuksan ni Aria ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para magkwentuhan. EZRA: Let's play twenty questions. ARIA: Sige! Ano yon? EZRA: Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita, tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa't isa. Alternate tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can't ask the question that I already asked. ARIA: That's pretty interesting. EZRA: At bawal magsinungaling. ARIA: Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in the room. Ok? EZRA: Of course. You wanna start? ARIA: No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si Ezra) EZRA: Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo sa b uhay? ARIA: Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge- challenge. Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako. EZRA: Simula pa lang e. ARIA: Sige. Ano nga ba...? EZRA: Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge- challenge? ARIA: Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako...I'm a frustrated ballet dancer. EZRA: Talaga? ARIA: I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akong disiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero I really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati kong naiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ng tanong mo. Walang thrill. EZRA: Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa'kin mamaya. ARIA: We'll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bakla ka? EZRA: Never. ARIA: Bilis ng sagot a. EZRA: Coz I never entertained the idea. ARIA: Homophobe ka ba? EZRA: Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba? ARIA: So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang? EZRA: I'm straight, okay? ARIA: I'm not asking if you're gay or not. I'm asking kung... EZRA: Never nga. ARIA: We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us. EZRA: What?! You thought I was gay?! ARIA: E pa'no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi mo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo. Too good to be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero iniisip namin front mo lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang pagiging maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty... Tatawa lang si Ezra. ARIA: So we thought it's either that or you were planning to become a priest. EZRA: What?! ARIA: Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba.. . EZRA: The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a. ARIA: Of course not. I didn't mean that! EZRA: I take my faith seriously. That doesn't make me gay! ARIA: So you did want to become a priest... EZRA: Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family...and be a father. Tahimik. ARIA: So you're not gay. EZRA: No. ARIA: You never... EZRA: Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It's my turn. ARIA: Homophobe ka no? EZRA: Hindi kaya! ARIA: Whatever... EZRA: Ako na, daya mo naman e. ARIA: Okay, okay. Shoot me. EZRA: How do you see yourself five years from now? ARIA: You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e. EZRA: The object of this game is not to win. ARIA: E ano pa ba? EZRA: To get to know the other person. ARIA: Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill ang isang game kung walang nananalo. EZRA: Sagot. ARIA: May time limit ba 'to? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga. EZRA: Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas. Magsasalin si Ezra ng wine. ARIA: Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom) To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimula ako ng sarili kong botique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula. EZRA: Not bad. ARIA: Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang competition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials ang nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng botique. EZRA: (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold? ARIA: Yuck! EZRA: Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan. ARIA: May talent naman ako kahit papano a! EZRA: Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib! (Tatawa) ARIA: (Hahampasin ng unan si Ezra) Bastos ka talaga! Akala ko goody-goody ka..Hindi ko papatulan ang pagbobold kahit ano'ng mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko. EZRA: Ganito? Ano'ng ganito? Di sasagutin ni Aria ang tanong. ARIA: These producers think all the people want is sex, sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga! EZRA: (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique? ARIA: Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako na'ng magtatanong. Ang korni mo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nang konti...Inom ka muna. Iinom si Ezra. Magsasalin siya ng bago. ARIA: Who was your first crush in the barkada? Tahimik. ARIA: Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot. Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago. EZRA: Lalaki o babae? Tatawa sila pareho. ARIA: Dapat may time limit ito e. Tahimik. EZRA: Hirap naman ng tanong mo. ARIA: Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino. EZRA: Wine pa? ARIA: Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na! Magsasalin ng wine si Ezra kay Aria. EZRA: Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung pinakamaganda sa barkada. ARIA: Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa'kin ang pinakagwapo si Joel. Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg... EZRA: Yung literally na may dating'walang tanung-tanong. Yung kahit sino'ng tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot. ARIA: Ezra, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing game. C'mon man. Play your own game. Pa'no na kung truth or dare to e di pahirapan na. Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e. EZRA: Yung commerIyal model. Matitigilan si Aria. ARIA: Wine pa nga. Magsasalin si Ezra. Mag-iisip si Aria. Iinom. Biglang matatawa. ARIA: (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga? EZRA: Sige, pagtawanan ba? ARIA: You can say it to my face, I won't bite. Bakit hirap na hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lang e...Wine pa nga! EZRA: Okay, 1 point ka na... ARIA: (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan naman nangyari ito? EZRA: Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush in the barkada...NOW? ARIA: E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e. EZRA: Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang tanong mo, first crush ko. ARIA: Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball 'to, tambak ka na. EZRA: Just answer the question. ARIA: Siyempre wala. I told you, I don't have time for these stuff. Kakabreak ko lang di ba? EZRA: Korni mo namang sumagot. ARIA: E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang kailangan kong sumagot...hmmm. ..teka... sino nga ba? Sino ba'ng crush material sa barkada? Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang. EZRA: Yung seryoso naman. ARIA: Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang... EZRA: E napipilitan ka lang e. ARIA: Uy! Pa'no ba'yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush kita...yiheee (Tatawa). EZRA: Dati pa 'yon no! ARIA: Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano namang ginawa ko? Tsk. Tsk. EZRA: Is that your question na? ARIA: Oy, hinde! Ito naman...di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up? Iinom ng wine si Ezra. ARIA: Fine. Here's a little juicy question: Describe your first kiss. EZRA: That's not even a question. ARIA: Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like? Matatawa si Ezra. EZRA: Wet. ARIA: Yuck! Magtatawanan sila. EZRA: Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi kami nung isa kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo. E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako. E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto, sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Wei rd nga ang feeling e. Parang may glue. Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho... Tawa pa rin si Aria ARIA: Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si Veronica ba 'to? EZRA: Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala. ARIA: So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo? EZRA: Nope. ARIA: Ha? EZRA: Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin e. May boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Pero at least, na-discover namin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa't isa. Pero hanggang doon na lang. ARIA: What happened after? EZRA: We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work. Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko. ARIA: Nakakatuwa naman. EZRA: Ikaw, pa'no yung first kiss mo? ARIA: Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit ba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin 'yan! EZRA: Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ng wine) Okay, naka-warm-up na ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did? ARIA: 'Yan ang mga tanong! Ano ba'ng ibig mong sabihin ng naughty? EZRA: Bahala kang mag-define. ARIA: Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka. EZRA: Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo exciting naman... ARIA: Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time. EZRA: (Nagulat) Hala. ARIA: I was with Joel and Zach at the same time. EZRA: Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel? ARIA: Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako (matatawa). EZRA: Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo't ginawa mo 'yon, aber? ARIA: Nag-eexperiment lang ako. E sa type ko sila pareho e. Ano'ng magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill. Alam mo yon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date sa isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre, kasi, alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akala n'yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng gumawa no'n? EZRA: How can you love two guys at the same time? ARIA: Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman ang love dun. I was...having fun! EZRA: Nainlove ka na ba, ever? ARIA: Nakakailang tanong ka na? It's my turn. EZRA: Don't you want to answer the question anyway? ARIA: My turn! EZRA: Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa) Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Ezra ng isa pa sa ref. EZRA: Ang bilis nating uminom a. ARIA: Are you still a virgin? EZRA: Whoa! Where did that come from? ARIA: That's my fourth question. EZRA: (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo? Ngingiti si Ezra. Tititigan lang siya ni Aria. ARIA: Don't tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni Veronica hanggang ngayo n? Ilang taon na ba kayo? EZRA: Mag-tu-two years na sana next week. ARIA: So virgin ka pa? I don't believe it! EZRA: Mukha ba akong tarantado? ARIA: Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e. EZRA: Insulto ba 'yon? ARIA: Compliment 'yon, tanga. EZRA: Ah, okay. Thanks. ARIA: Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it? EZRA: Alin? Sex? ARIA: Wow! Nasabi rin niya! EZRA: Of course I always feel it. Natural lang 'yon sa tao no? Nasa iyo na lang 'yan kung ano'ng gagawin mo sa urge na 'yon. ARIA: E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean, pag naiihi ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang 'yon, di ba? EZRA: Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi. At hindi ka iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain sa iyo. Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkain diyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon 'yan. ARIA: And sex is the same? EZRA: Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At least, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso. ARIA: Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing lahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah! EZRA: Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto, mali. ARIA: And what is that context? EZRA: Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na natin 'yan. Tahimik. EZRA: Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin ginagawa. Tahimik. EZRA: Masarap e. Sino ba'ng ayaw nun? Tahimik. ARIA: (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat kang i-congratulate for being a virgin! EZRA: Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplain ko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mga paniniwala ko...No need to get so cross about it, Aria. Tahimik. EZRA: It's not about being a virgin or not. It's about putting things into their proper places. ARIA: I'm not arguing with you. EZRA: Me neither. I'm just answering your questions. Matagal na katahimikan. Ngingiti si Ezra. Titignan niya si Aria na medyo nairita sa nakaraang train of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Aria. EZRA: Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still wanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti) ARIA: Shoot me. EZRA: Who was your first lay? ARIA: (Hahampasin ng unan si Ezra) Ang bastos mo talaga! So inaassume mo na hindi na ako virgin? EZRA: E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang nananalo e. So I guess I'm winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a! I'm just hitting two birds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot: wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino? ARIA: Ang daya mo. EZRA: Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong. ARIA: You think I'll answer that after giving your sermon, Father Ezra? EZRA: Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko. Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I'll respect them as well as I know you respect mine. I'm no saint. I'm just trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti) ARIA: How do you do that? EZRA: Alin? ARIA: I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way you say things..parang bumabaliktad sa'yo...makes you more...charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, di na kita kakausapin. EZRA: You can't walk out. We're locked here for three days except for meals. ARIA: So I'm forced to like you para di masira ang vacation ko. (Ngingiti) EZRA: You don't have to answer my question if you don't want. ARIA: I guess I'll be honest with you as you were honest with me... Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Aria. ARIA: Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my first boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, it was something speIyal. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other. Tapos, yun...yun na. We went back just in time for the awarding of the prom queen. Guess what, I won pa. (Mahinang tawa) EZRA: What was it like? ARIA: Now that I look back, it isn't as speIyal as I thought it was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just led by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused. Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo yun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawin mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect. Everything was magical...well, almost. EZRA: Almost...? ARIA: Sa next question mo na 'yan. Ako na. EZRA: (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e. ARIA: Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa'kin no? (Tatawa) EZRA: Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa) ARIA: Engot. Hindi 'yon. Here's something na curious lang ako. Kasi I've been hearing things...saka you've hinted on it na rin kanina...Are you still with Veronica? EZRA: Hindi na. ARIA: Since when? EZRA: Two, maybe three weeks ago? ARIA: Sino'ng nakipag-break? EZRA: Pareho kami. ARIA: Why? EZRA: Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin na it won't work. Isa na do'n, magkaiba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan. ARIA: Like what? EZRA: Marami. ARIA: At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years with her? EZRA: People change, Aria. Tahimik. EZRA: Right before graduation, she asked me to move in with her. ARIA: Talaga? EZRA: Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon namin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she's working na naman, ako naman bagong graduate, we should try out na raw living together if it'll work for us. ARIA: Natakot ka sa arrangement? EZRA: Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano pa'ng ikakatakot mo, di ba? ARIA: E bakit umayaw ka? EZRA: It's just that, it's not my thing. ARIA: Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo ang opportunities! (Matatawa) EZRA: Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla. ARIA: Fine. EZRA: Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mga ganitong bagay. Wala pa sa isip ko ang gano'n. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next step sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of being together and knowing each other, we're practically ready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero I realized, I'm not ready for any of these. Narealize ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon. I need to mature some more to get into this thing'I mean, getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako... ARIA: Maturity has nothing to do with age. EZRA: But it has a lot to do with time. Tahimik. EZRA: So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig sabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus the commitment? Pa'no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na? Iinom ng wine si Ezra. EZRA: Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think that's the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will work kasi takot kayo na baka hindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitement ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa lang. Magkikibit-balikat lang si Ezra. ARIA: Are you always like that? EZRA: Like what? ARIA: So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa relationships. EZRA: Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and error. Ngingiti si Ezra. Tahimik. ARIA: So, No hard feelings? EZRA: Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa bahay e. ARIA: That's nice. EZRA: Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo? ARIA: That's your sixth na ha? EZRA: Sure. ARIA: Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up namin ni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang ito ha? EZRA: Of course. ARIA: Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba? I wanted to be in a relationship na speIyal naman. So of all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako. Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung "making love" di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with yourself and with your partner. So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisip yung sarili ko. Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na... EZRA: Ano'ng nangyari? ARIA: Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako ng proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof 'yon? Na I'm saving myself for that right moment, that speIyal moment between us? Alam mo'ng ginawa? Nilayasan ako! EZRA: You deserve someone better. ARIA: Talaga! ARIA: Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of meaningless sex, when I'm looking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng buhay no? EZRA: That's the way we must learn. ARIA: Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience yung tunay na mag make-love. And I had to go all through those relationships para lang ma-rea lize yun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko. Iinom ng wine. ARIA: Ikaw ba, importante sa'yo na virgin ang mapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba? EZRA: Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan 'yan. Pero now that you've mentioned it...It doesn't matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course I value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko. It's like the perfect wedding gift I could give to her. Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn't care. As long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don't expect her to give me the same gift. I don't do something because I expect people to do the same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin 'yon. Masaya na ako sa ganoon. ARIA: (Mapapangiti si Aria.) You know, that's the nicest thing I ever heard from a guy. That's why I always enjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things. EZRA: Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal to love? ARIA: I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I mean, after the first time na...you know...sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Tapos naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yung naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And then I felt empty. So empty. That's why I wanted to change. I wanted to believe in "making love." And I'm still looking for it. Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my body but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone to touch my soul. To "make love" to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, naging numb na'ko sa dami ng relasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung mararanasan ko pa iyon. That's why I envy you. Tahimik. ARIA: Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako? EZRA: You still have your soul...(Ngingiti) Tahimik. ARIA: With whom would you want to experience it? EZRA: Of course, sa asawa ko. ARIA: I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my seventh question. So give a name. EZRA: A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging asawa ko. Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Aria. Iinom ng wine. EZRA: Well, I always thought na it was Veronica. And then, it was just gone. Of course I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay. Tahimik. EZRA: My turn? ARIA: Shoot me. EZRA: Tell me something... a secret. Yung wala kahit isang nakakaalam. Matagal na katahimikan. EZRA: You trust me naman di ba? ARIA: Well, you've earned it, alright. EZRA: Saka wala akong tinatago sa'yo. Sinagot ko lahat ng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti) ARIA: I uhm... EZRA: Yes...? ARIA: I need more wine. Magsasalin si Ezra ng wine. EZRA: Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to go. Iinom ng wine si Aria. ARIA: I'll tell you something no one in the world knows except one other person. And that person probably forgot all about me already. EZRA: (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger? ARIA: Ano ka ba? EZRA: Biro lang. Seryoso na. ARIA: Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas. EZRA: Promise. ARIA: If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan mo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit. EZRA: Mamatay man ako ngayon. ARIA: Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then... (Magiging mas seryoso ang tono niya) ...and Zach. I wasn't really with Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel, alam mo na...making out and stuff...Well, anyway, I was kinda serious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and I were...you know...doing it. And... EZRA: And...? ARIA: Uhm...I...uhm. ..I got pregnant. EZRA: What? Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Aria. ARIA: I uhm...shit. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm...Two months akong delayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntis nga ako...and Joel found out about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn't know what to say, you know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn't really love him? Na wala lang iyon? And so he broke up with me and..I..uhm. ..I was afraid and uhm... (Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down) EZRA: It's okay... ARIA: I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left me. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make him come back but I don't think he'd believe me after the thing with Zach...and.. .my parents are gonna kill me if...shit. (iiyak) EZRA: (lalapit kay Aria para i-console ito) Ssshhh...you don't have to tell me this if it upsets you... ARIA: And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgo l) I didn't mean to, Ezra. I wasn't myself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone... EZRA: Tahan na. Ssshhh... Iiyak lang si Aria kay Ezra. Yayakapin ni Ezra si Aria. EZRA: Alam ba 'to ni Joel? ARIA: How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam ay yung duktor sa clinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God... EZRA: It's alright... Hihimasin ni Ezra ang likod ni Aria. Patatahanin niya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang. Matagal na katahimikan. ARIA: Can you get me my yosi? Tatayo si Ezra. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng kama. Kukunin ang Yosi ni Aria. Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay Aria. ARIA: Thanks... Matagal na katahimikan. ARIA: If we were...if we were the last two people on earth, would you consider doing it with me? EZRA: Doing what? ARIA: Alam mo na... EZRA: Alin? (Teasing ngingiti) ARIA: Gago mo. (Ngingiti) EZRA: Ngumiti rin. ARIA: So? Would you? EZRA: Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanan si Aria) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! ARIA: Shut up nga! EZRA: That's your eight na, ha? ARIA: I lost count. Answer it. EZRA: Why not? Hihithit ng yosi si Aria. Tahimik. Sasandal si Aria sa balikat ni Ezra. EZRA: If you could be something else, what would you be? ARIA: I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro. EZRA: Bakit? ARIA: I always saw the relationship of a violin and its player as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sinceresa isa't isa. Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. The violin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body and her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared to the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love. Tahimik. EZRA: Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti) ARIA: Pa'no mo malalamang in-love ka na? EZRA: Paano? I don't think there's a formula to that. Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin 'yon? I'd like to believe na yun na nga 'yon...yung kay Veronica... ARIA: Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo nga si Veronica? EZRA: Alam mo nakakatawa.. .korni actually. Babalik na naman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni. ARIA: Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin. EZRA: I heard bells. ARIA: Ano? EZRA: Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may narinig na lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang 'yon pero yun ang na ngyari. Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles. ARIA: Seryoso ka ba? EZRA: O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may nagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Tapos napangiti ako. Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na. ARIA: Korni nga. (Matatawa) EZRA: Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag naranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni. Ngingiti si Aria. Tahimik. ARIA: Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo. O lasing lang ako? Tahimik. EZRA: I'm into my last question. Iaangat ni Aria ang ulo niya. ARIA: Shoot me. Better make it good. EZRA: If you were again to be the next victim of this tradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again...who would you want the next guy to be? ARIA: (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to... Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who'd stroke my strings...not even. Yung mapapatunog niya ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik) Lumuluwag na ang dila ko... kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko. (Ngingiti) Tititigan lang ni Ezra si Aria. Tahimik. ARIA: Siyempre yung masarap kausap. Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Aria. ARIA: Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap... I think it's better than making love. Mapapatingin si Aria kay Ezra. ARIA: Gosh I want to kiss you so badly. Matitigilan siya. ARIA: I can't believe I just said that. Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Ezra. ARIA: Don't you want to kiss me? Pause. Titignan siya ni Ezra sa mata. EZRA: Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si Ezra) ARIA: Yes. (Lights Out)
No matter who you share life with, you’re the one living it. Nobody is going to help you be okay. Help yourself.
I just need to start over breathe fresh stale air pickup new habits it’s the only chance I have at being okay again
(via debbyryan)
You are you. That is what consoles me for the lack of many things. —
Brings back memories when I was 23.
A week ago, we were laughing and joking around. But then past two days are now full of sadness and uncertainty.
I haven't written on this page for quite a long time now--- and it pains me to do so again. I thought I'm over this therapy that I do. But I guess, this is the only way I can release this stress.
I got married now. Happy with my wife and my 1 month old son. We're currently living with my parents (in order to save money to buy a house) together with my wife's younger sister. I call her 'My Dude', as she is one hell of an amazing person. She is more than a sister to me, more like a best friend.
Skipping the unimportant parts, my wife and my dude had a row. It was crazy as hell and it was torture for me that it had to happen. Now my dude wants out and I don't know what to do. She has been acting up and daring that she'll move out because of the fight.
---- I don't want that to happen. She is now family to me. I know it has been boring quite lately around the house. And we will need her to look after my son once my wife goes back to work. We don't dare push her to help around in the house for her attitude towards us drastically changed.
What a situation to be in right now. It sounds so menial when looking at it, but when you are in that spot again, that someone is about to leave you and you have absolutely no control about it. Make it worse that that person is one closest to you, your best friend, your sister, your 'Dude'.
"Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well Since the last time that we spoke," I said "Please understand I've been drinking again, and all I do is hope" Please... stay
I'm sick of being that friend.. That friend that everyone turns to.. That friend that has to sort out everyone's problems.. That friend that everyone uses as a punching bag.. Because I'm that friend who will help you even if I feel like shit.. But for once can I be that friend that gets asked if I'm okay?
"I love you I never had the balls to say it, but I do And I thought you loved me too Turns out, it just wasnt us two You told me about the guy you liked How funny, nice, and cute he was I laughed and told you about this girl I liked And how funny, nice and cute she was Only difference is, I thought you meant me Because I sure as hell meant you.. But its wasnt me It was my Best Friend And now I’m here wondering Why you suddenly stopped replying Then I figure out why... I see that he’s online too"
If you love someone, ask them for nothing. Don't hold them back from their destiny. Don't keep them from going off in search of their own answers. Don't ask them for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly and not as something obligatory. Don't ask them for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come. And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires. But should they not return to you, then life hasn't cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing them has already made life infinitely more meaningful. By setting a person free, you run a risk of them not returning. But always remember that you found them beautiful precisely because they were free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People CHOOSE to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options. Love has no restrictions and it is through mistakes that sometimes we see the right answer. Because if you love someone, you ask them for nothing and they will come back to you.
Don’t place your happiness in someone else’s hands, because once they disappear, so does your happiness.
Taylor Mali
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me. But we are never ever ever ever getting back together..
Laying down my chase to help you pursue yours..