I thought that today, nothing happy will happen. It wasn’t as I expect it to be; dull and boring day. I thought I’d just be sitting and laying on my bed while looking at the white ceiling. But it’s not the day that I expected it to be.
I have a lot of people that came to me today. Ahhh, I’m gonna cry.
Day 1, my friend who lived in this city came and accompany me to the hospital. We even had dinner together outside of the hospital, because I was super hungry after the evening bread in the hospital. So he bought me some food and we had picnic outside of the hospital. Actually I planned to go outside and just have a walk with my friend, and maybe get some snacks to eat. But he said, I don’t have to go far from the hospital (because he’s worried if anything were to happen to me since I started taking my medications, and there are some side effects I am getting when I take it). So he bought us food and he brought them to the hospital. We had cute little picnic on the bench outside of the hospital. He even brought me an ice-cream! It was a great small picnic. :)
At night, Fishy DM-ed me on Discord, and we had an almost 2 hours long of conversation. It was really fun, I love her so much! She’s so much fun to be around with, because I can’t help but think that we’re sooo similar and we can relate to each other so much. We even thought we’re twins LOLLL????? Fishy is such a kind and adorable and sweet person I’ve ever met. She completed my day 1 in the hospital with pure sweetness and happiness. May God bless her :)
Day 2, I had a great time with myself. I went out on the evening, spend my whole evening, rode my bike and went around the forest and also by the harbour. I watched sunset by the harbour. I sat on the bench near the harbour, it was very pretty.
Then I video called with another girl friend of mine. She wanted to call me so bad since I had my relapse. So, she was so happy, finally able to see me. I called her while sitting by the harbour. When I told her, I need to be back to the hospital before dinner, she said I could bring her along to the hospital. So I did a hospital tour for her. :)
It feels like she’s visiting me when I did the hospital tour though, hehe <3
I spent the whole night just watching streams, because I don’t really have friends I can talk to at night now. My American friends are also busy since it’s the spring break, so we can’t hang out that much anymore. :’) I miss them though! I hope they’re doing well <3
Day 3, it’s today. I don’t know what to feel today. The nurse gave me a higher dose for my medications. I feel nauseous and throwing up at times. But I’m holding it back, and control my body. I played Valorant today, but my hands were so sweaty and my feet were too. It’s probably another side-effect of the medications, because it is supposed to make my body feel more excited. That’s why I am sweating a lot today.
While I was playing Valorant, I saw a message from CJ “NVM IM GOING TO BED GN”. I was like, “huh?” So I messaged him back, “whatsup?” and if he messaged me before. He said he did, and he wanted to play with me. But I didn’t read the message at all.... I felt so bad T_T... So I told him that I can’t play long and that I need to get off Valorant bcs my laptop is heating up so bad. I also said that I’m not at home and he asked me where am I then? I told him I’m in the hospital and he was shocked... I mean, who doesn’t, right?
That’s when he told me he’s gonna bring me chickfila and chicken nuggies right away LOL. He’s so kind and funny. I tbh can’t believe I am making friends from Valorant.
Also, today in the hospital, we had BBQ Grilled. Though I couldn’t eat much because most of them are the German Wurst, made from pork. I only ate the grilled cheese and salad. At least the salad was yummy, and the weather was nice. :)
In the evening, my supervisor, Sarah came with Gisela to visit me in the hospital. They even brought me gifts! Sarah said, she knows that I love to draw, so she bought me a drawing block and few colour pencils, with erasers and a sharpener. Even gave me a rabbit chocolate and mini pretzel for snacks. They’re soooo thoughtful and I almost cried, because they made me so happy. I am so happy. Sarah also told me that, Prof Rolink wanted to visit me as well and he kept asking Sarah and Gisela when they are gonna leave to the hospital to visit me. But the both of them left Prof Rolink and went by themselves LOL! It’ll probably be too late if they’re gonna wait for him, so they left first. But Sarah said that Prof Rolink is very worried about me and he kept asking about how am I doing. I am so glad to know that there are a lot of people who are worried about me. It means so much to me, it makes me want to keep on living.
People around me are so thoughtful and loving. I am so grateful to know about all of this while being alive.
I don’t know, how long will I be staying in the ward. But I’m thinking of what’s best for my health now. I really hope I can recover and treat my depression faster. I wanna be healthy and be happy around the people I love. My family, my bestie, my clowns, my nekkopals, my uni people... Everyone, you guys are in my heart.
I love you guys. Thank you for existing in my life. <3