Hey guys, I know I have been dead for way longer than planned... I will give you all a rundown as to WHY. And no it was not intentional and I am still into writing but....you will see why it is currently IMPOSSIBLE for me... 😔
So where I live, there are a lot of problems under the surface. I am gonna be transparent with everyone....I am mentally unwell. (Not in the insane way), I suffer some kind of PTSD that affects my body on normal daily activities like leaving the damn house for appointments and such, I just suddenly get severly ill until it is said I won't go anymore. It has been spaculated that it is a different kind of PTSD that I never knew I had since childhood. hence....it never got treated. I suffer anxieties and depression.
Now you could say ´find a therapist´, but that is impossible for me. Where I am, I need to be health insured, otherwise I can't get help, and since my Family and I have been in financial struggles recently not seeing a penny for nearly an entire year around 3 to 4 months ago, the insurance literally is not up do date anymore, meaning I am not insured and I am stuck in hell.
On top of that I get often pushed around, not on the internet, but in private life. Since my mental state is such a chaos, I am unable to work like a normal human being. I can't get medication and such. The money we get now is mostly used for food, water and taxes, which we are highly in debt with. There is nothing left for me right now to do.
Coming back to the months we got no money, I always had to fear that we won't have electricity, a home, and internet for long anymore, which put my head into more writer's block than anything.
Instead I have been trying to help my Family differently, in becoming a Twitch Streamer and YouTuber, although I am rather small, I am trying my best, with that said I am 4 days not really in working shape for writing, I look for more alternatives, but it is to support my Family. Family comes first. And I'm sorry.
We had so many private life struggles by now that I am just exhausted and have no clue how long we will last with anything. We also siffered a recent break in at my Great Grandpa's old home we planned to move to, but because everyone took their sweet time and my Mama and I are chronically not capable of moving on our own and depend on help, it all just got worse.
Am I still writing? Yes, but barely. There is too much happening that I can't get in the right headspace, nor have the time to write as I usually did.
Do I want to write? YES. If I could I would. But it is not easy. Not right now. It hasn't been easy since 2023.... And I only hope every month it will get better for us again... But so far....it is not gonna look good.
I did not abandon you all, I just....have no time. I want to have the time, but I just have none. Nothing is simple anymore and I need to help where I can to support my RL right now.
I hope ya'll understand. I did not choose this, I am not lazy, I did not ghost everyone....I just have no time at all. I wish I did. I really, really wish I did....
Do I plan to return? Yes. But first I need to be stable financially and mentally, otherwise it all is for nothing....
Recently with all these problems coming at me and my Family...I feel rather useless, because I am unable to function the way normal people do and I can't even do anything about it, since everything, even your own health, depends on money... Sad, but true. You only matter if you are another donkey with cash to bleed out of you for. Otherwise you can rot in a ditch. That is how I feel, because the more I am in this state, the more I see the truth not many want to see. We are just a wallet, nothing else, you do not make money, you get thrown away like garbage. Who cares if you genuinely need help, but thanks to lack of cash you can't afford it?
And the people that are supposed to help you, tell you pretty lies and try to shove you into a "work for free for hours" building, as if you are too dumb to read the fine print on the pages they give you with "suggesting" that you go there to talk to a psychologist. Then when you read the paper there stands that you can only talk with them for a short while and you are mostly just going there to work for at least 3 hours to 8 without getting paid. Then I can sit on my PC too and just edit videos and streams I made. I don't get paid (yet) for that anyways and it takes me weeks to finish them, because editing, cutting, and making shorts out of over SEVEN HOUR STREAMS is not a piece of cake, especially not when you are happy you have 3 days out of 7 free and can just relax and calm down for a bit. Someone with depression who often lack the motivation to even face the next day, that is a huge feat I get anything at all done. 😳
Like, guys, I need a genuine therapist that has time to talk with me and analyze what the hell I have for issues and how to treat them, not a damn "for free working donkey" job. I am busy enough there with my own crap.
And now the weather here is also in the over 30°C to almost 40°C, doesn't help that my room gets hit by the Sun from at least 15 o'clock to all the way to around 20o'clock and all I have is a small ventilator that blows air, not cools it. So my room is a damn blasting furnace every day that I often fall asleep way too early, just because it is too hot. I am not used to such temperatures. 🥵
Anyways, that is the update, some transparency how FUCKED my life is and why I am gone so long. You can say I am on a hiatus that I never planned nor agreed to, but I am forced into it now and I have no clue when it will end, I just know that I WANT it to end. The hiatus. I never agreed to it. 😓😒
This is also not to make you guys feel bad or anything, you all waited forever for me and I wasn't very active these months. A lot of you asked and I finally had the damn time to reply and tell you what is taking me so long. I felt like I owed you this. Closure, knowledge that I am not gone, but my RL is so in the shitpile that I am forced into a hiatus I might never recover from. I will always try to come back, but if the damn world will let me is another thing entirely.
I love you guys! Take care! And you can still write me and ask me stuff as long as it isn't requests or anything, since I am literally unable to do any.... 😅🤗 💜💜💜
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and will start into a new year with a lot of luck and fortune! ^^
Whatever bad things happened last year, hopefully won't happen to haunt you into the next year and whoever had a terrible 2024, will hopefully have a lucky and fruitful 2025!!! ^^
With all that said.... I WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
I am very much still kicking, no worries everyone. I recently got caught up with loss of motivation. T-T
Recently have little motivation to even start my day. I dunno why, honestly. My writing is dragging on slowly, so at least SOMETHING, but it's not much.
I try to get back my motivation with stuff I used to love doing before, so far it barely works. TvT
But hey, small progress is progress, so I am not complaining. TVT
(Legit 5 minutes later I scream into my pillow again for my motiovation to finally get back already. Istg.)
Anyways! I hope you all had a fantastic Halloween(I know I am a month too late already but again my motivation is sh*t recently), so far had great months and will keep having good days. ^^
(I swear I am desperately trying to get my motivation back...)
So I may upload another SP x Coroner male Reader chapter either today or tomorrow. ^^
I thought I will let you know, so keep an eye out on @skulduggery-pleasant-bp9! ^^
Will there ever be a part in the series when m/n goes to hell and reunites with alastor(after alastor dies)? I just curious cuz I'm so invested in this story and I keep theorizing what comes next!!
I love this story and I love your writing!!<3
Hmmm....wouldn't you like to know~ *Teases*
Real talk, I won't reveal much, buuut....it IS planned to happen. ^^
Though I am curious about your theories now.
If everything goes well I might update something on my main blog in a week, so be prepared, but don't get too excited as I have NO IDEA how wild next week might get for me. My life is unpredictable.
TvT
As you can see this is still in work. and a few other things too, but not too many spoilers. ^^
I am still on Father!Alastor x Son!Male!Reader too, no worries, I didn't give up on my series yet, it does so well.
UwU
HOWEVER!!! I have a lot of shoot happening here right now... LITERALLY!
We had some scammers that tried to make us pay for our own parking lot that we owned for 14 years now and belong to our apartment we live in. We had an immense fight with it and my Mom was close to a heart attack from stress and anger, because some dumb F**ker was rude to Mama, behaved like he was King of the world, acted all mighty and high nosed and threatened to let someone towing our car if we don't park correctly on it and all that shit. I tell you this much, we have almost NO SPACE for shunting our car around, because behind us stands a car too, barly 3 feet away and our car is long so...yeah, and all, so you can imagine how stressful all that was and then Mama kept digging around and slapped it into the scammers faces that someone else owns the parking lot and that she wants our money back and stuff, we got that back, but this isn't off of the table yet, because they "bought" TWO lots and we doubt that they have even ONE of these. And the other lot is a damn JOKE next to our parking lot, like legit...
-_-
Then we plan on moving still THIS year so I am barely online anywhere. Yes, yes, it was planned since prob last year by now, but this year we have almost everything together so we can finally move!
Yay! ^^
Then it is FUCKING HOT over here and I am dying in my own room at daytime, because I have the sun boiling me through my window from late midday until sundown, which makes my room an oven at the moment and the air is hot as fuck too, so airing won't help me until late midnight and turning on the PC adds extra heat so no thank you.
T^T
We have a lot more shoot to deal with, but that are some of the mild issues.
^^
I got a question in Tumblr and it shows I have 7 asks instead of 6....but the ask is not shown. I am unsure if I got scammed or if it is a bug....
Anyways the question was how I feel about Stu/Sidney from Scream as a couple and I have to bluntly say...I never thought about it.
I find it a bit weird, but I don't have a problem with it.
No, I am not writing fanfics about that ship, BUT I don't really MIND it.
Yes, yes, I am still alive too. I have immense struggles atm.
So I know That I didn't update anything in almost a month now, if my memory serves right, here I have the explanation as to WHY.
Recently my life has become really hectic yet again. It is a new month and my Family and I still didn't get money, so at the moment we are practically starving a bit. We barely managed to get some bread and water to live. This is already the THIRD month this is happening where we get money in the MIDDLE of the month and we almost con't manage to live.
On top of that you can imagine what debts will pile up on you, if you can't pay your bills and taxes. So have fun with all of that.
And we are still trying to move away. So we are quite literally fucked right now. My stress level is high, my anxiety and rage even higher and my motivation to do anything is at the bottom of the ocean. Life is literally hell right now.
Those are only a few issues we have, but if you hear that shit already, I think you all can imagine what a hellhole my Family and I are living in right now.
So yeah, rl life is hard right now andI need to work on this stuff first before I can update again. I might privately try to write fanfiction, but it's never much. Maybe one or two sentences, which annoys me I used to be able to write for HOURS, but I am fucked mentally, psychologically and emotionally right now.
I hope you all understand... I am NOT quitting, I don't WANT to quit...but I might be gone for a while...
So...I've been gone for like...5 days, not once checking Tumblr, nor did I have time to write anything...
Did I miss something?
Like...people contect me and ask me stuff, then their accounts are deactivated. Other people had a small issue with something and they are the next that got deactivated.
I just noticed that some writers that just recently started to write fanfics also got deactivated.
Can anyone believe me when I admit I am STILL stuck on the smut Oneshot that was requested of my sorry ass? I have a writers block on it! *Whines* I planned to throw it out a WEEK ago! Holy shit I am in shambles!
