உப்புத்தண்ணி

[upputhanni]

Use, usefulness, and being used

It is a tradition to celebrate birthdays from a local calendar and I turned 28 last week that way. It is new year’s day today, from a different calendar. The last time I wrote a post was when I turned 27. I read that post again; to my surprise I found it extremely well written, unlike most of my facebook or twitter posts, which when I reread all I find is mistakes. This year I am writing my thoughts on usefulness-no general theories but just a few useful guidelines on use, usefulness and being used.

The program that nature has set itself doesn’t rely on the notion or find reason to use. It’s an impression sapiodefined to embed function to its existence. This function nevertheless has given seed to form societies and sustain them, which is probably the modern version of Levi Srauss’s anthropologic origins of society. Beyond pandering to morality needs, use also serves a purpose. Use engages. The understated causes of a migration to invidualism and vanity is the failure to live engaged. Being engaged must lead to indulgence and if it doesn’t, one falters into futility. What is the use, one has seen people ask; though a seemingly existential question is atmost a question incomplete. Because, use and need are linked and the posing is complete only with an ‘of’.

This bring us to usefulness which can be as abstract as pleasure and as material as touch. The varied interpretation of usefulness is, as one would imagine a laddu for art, to my knowledge heavily underutilised. Well we know at least Wilde feels “all art is useless.” This unsettled definition of what is useful is what has resulted in chaos in our society, especially in the Indian context. It isn’t so much a jump in train of thought as it seems to perception. The collective knowledge of the Indian ‘intellectuals’ has failed to agree on a definition that optimises a certain quantity which can be a pseudometric for usefulness. As vague as this statement sounds, usefulness is also absurdly so.

Nebulous writing aside, the issue at hand for India is its chaos. A part of it comes from its failure to recognise expertise and even a phobia towards it. India has for long feared intelligence, marketing it outside while denigrating it at home. IISc, TIFRs, AIIMS, IITs, IIMs, and all other institutions in India are seen firstly as epitomes of success by the urban elites and as failure of the state by left leaning intellectuals (for not providing such education to everyone). The former is accused of ignorance and indifference to the issues of the society while the latter of a preaching tone from a moral pedastal taller than others. Both arguments and their functioning are failures because they have not come to agree on a definition of what is useful. I would like to expand on this more but that’s for another day (or year).

Usefulness of something is derived out of it being used. The narrative must drive itself such that we recognise each section of the society is useful, for one another and that expertise is not evil. One sees accusations of meritocracy for this argument; however a society will develop not by shaming the smart but finding ways to use them, framing a world where being used becomes an incentive. This does not immediately mean that manual labour will have to slog like Sisyphus, but that the intelligentsia is useless without manual labour. There is no panacea to human misery but a step towards progress (another sapiodefined term) would be to recognise use, usefulness of something or someone and be used.

Jotting down these thoughts I feel will help me find a place where I shall be used; for all we know use, beyond engaging, might be the purpose of life.

[upputhanni]

Post-modern, post Aruvi and post 27!

I think i just turned 27 today. The reason for this dubitable tone is partly intentional and partly subconscious. This song from Kamal Hassan’s movie `Hey Ram’ has a simple sounding sentence - `vaazhvil paadhi nanmai theemai thedalil’ which stalely translates to `half a life is spent cherche le bien et le mal’, mirrors my state of mind now. The song has this deep inquisitive sense with also a pinch of morose salt. It then moves to a inciting spirit which forces Kamal to take up the job of killing the doddering, all realised Gandhi, in the movie. One could see as though the youth represented by Kamal is the sworn antithesis of old age that Gandhi mirrors. All that the youth needs for this realisation is a cup of vodka or somabanam, and with a generous sprinkle of cannabis. The tipping point for the infantile inside you to take on the growing winter can occur when you are 27 or 29. And i think as one asymptotes towards trente one feels he or she understands what life is, which is when the Gandhi inside you is having an upper hand over the still haunting Kamal. Of course this need not be the first of such an occurrence, a sense of achievement is also usually accompanied such a thought, as though the sense of victory is servile to the thought. I wonder then does growing up partly make one feel triumphant, a false one though.

The reason why growing old cannot be triumphant, my dystopian me tells, has to do with the debilitating aura that surrounds the word old. Being old or growing old is definitely irreversible, supplemented only by the feeble functioning of body parts. Of course the inclining probability of falling to the naturally formed craters of terminal diseases only aggravates. If one were to Hitchcockify but putting oneself for a while and imagine being senile, sitting in a bus stop with only faintly audible vehicle noise, nostrils almost blocked in entirety, a whistling bronchi, desiccated legs, slow processing power, it isn’t tough to conceive how growing old cannot be triumphant. One is snatched from the clutches of independence and stuffed into the yearn for support. There is one clear memory from childhood I have, probably my first realisation that death exists. My childhood nights were spent with my whole family sleeping a single room. Usually my brother and I on the bed and my parents on the floor. A thought as though dawning in from infinity, like those light rays travelling so far from sun, struck me that not a long time from now everyone would be gone. I think i cried for a while and crawled into sleep as my tears rolled down my cheek.

But then given that time reversal symmetry is broken in life forms, what role does ageing have. In a post-modern setting, where existentialism is a realised truth, Darwin, Freud and Marx are the liberal deities, I can think of a few reasons how growing old can complement the experiences of life. Growing old warns you that there is finite time for you to do anything and making enemies is banal. Secondly it also instills in you a sense of modesty as the knells of future keep reminding you that old age has the same in store for you and me. Thirdly and probably the most important aspect is the drive to collect memories. Memories are evanescent and we need to keep replenishing them with new ones. There are two sources for memories: experience and dream. By experience I mean the ones that involve corporeal pleasures, which can constitute playing a sport, driving a vehicle or ejaculating. These pleasures somehow have to do with evolution while what I mean by dream comes from reasons not yet clear but essential to what makes us human. Dream, for want of a better word, comes from experiences in the brain (though I think all pleasures have to do with dopamine, i could be wrong) such as getting high on music, reading, writing, weed, solving differential equation, having a `intellectual’ conversation, feeling remorse, empathising someone’s suffering and so on. I don’t know what this classification does or whether it changes things but gives an idea on how we can go about collecting memories. At 27, with close to 10 initial years spent in haze and 10 more in flippant pursuits, it feels like this is the right time to turn collectionneur de souvenirs. I did not want to narrate a story but wanted to jot down a few filaments of thought I have now at 27. It might give a gauge for how I evolve with time. I should at this point mention this movie Aruvi which has left an impact so strong, that another hasn’t in a long time. It has taught you don’t have to be in a competition and you don’t have to impress and impose on anyone. You are not in a fight. Understanding Aruvi is definitely something that is giving me ways to change myself, and in many ways is giving hope.

[upputhanni]

என் பூக்கள் யார் பாதத்திற்கோ இல்லை, யாரும் நுகர்வதற்கோ இல்லை, நான் பழுப்பதற்கே! நான் விரிவதற்கே!

தாவரம் speaks

[upputhanni]

Oh Begada, why you flow so much, Between notes and through my vein. Neither do i hav a levee nor a straw, Simply let yu douse me, all i can!

Nadopasana in Raaga Begada

[upputhanni]

நான் சிந்திய சர்க்கரை எறும்புக்கா இல்லை நான் உடைத்த வாளி தாவரத்திரக்கா?

தண்ணீர் பாய்க்கையில் சிந்தனைகள்

[upputhanni]

கையில நுரை தலையிலையும் நுரை க்ஷவரம் பண்ண போனா எங்கையும் நுரை கீழ பார்த்தா காபியில நுரை மேல பார்த்தா வானமே நுரை கடற்கரை சேரும் அலையின் முத்தமோ நுரை   நுரை ஏதோ சொல்ல நினைக்குதுனு சிந்தித்தா   ஒரு நிமிஷம் இருக்கு மறு நிமிஷம் காணோம் ஒரு வித மாயாஜாலத்தை போல

Ensemble of நீர்க்குமிழிs

[upputhanni]

மெல்ல நகர்ந்த காற்றில் உறைந்து போன என் வானின் கொசுவின் வளையில் நான் ஒளி ஒலி இல்லா இரவில் தொலைவில் தெரியும் நீ நட்சத்திரமா, வியாழனா?

solitary iravugal

[upputhanni]

நடு இரவு அலை போல் மறைய இவளோ கண் மூலம் நுழைந்தாள்  திடீர் மழை தாம்பூலம் எனவோ நீர்த்துளி இவளுக்கு ஆரத்தி எடுத்தது உணவோ இவளின் ஆயுதம் தூக்கமே இவளது வெற்றியென எண்ணினால் கனவே இவையனைத்தின் குறிக்கோளாம் சோம்பல் என பெயர் கொண்ட இவள் மனதில் எழும் சிந்தனையின் தமக்கை உணர்ச்சியின் அக்காள் தொடமுடியாதவள் காண இயலாதவள் ஆனால் இன்றியமையாதவள்

Laziness boiling to poetry!

[upputhanni]

எத்தனை திரைகள் இட்டாய் எத்தனை கண்கள் மறைத்தாய் எத்தனை க்ஷவரம் தடுத்தாய் எத்தனை தின்பண்டம் தவிர்த்தாய் எத்தனை தொப்பிகள் எத்தனை நெற்றிகள் பாழாய் எத்தனை நிரம்பி வழிய எத்தனை விரல்களிடையில் வளைவுகள் எத்தனை கழுத்துகளில் சங்கிளிகள் எத்தனை வெற்றாய் அத்தனையும் எதற்கோ ஆதாரமாய் யாருக்கோ நோன்பாய் இனி ஒரு கணம் உன்னை மரவாமலாம்!

Bike ride sindhanaais!

[upputhanni]

கரையுமோ கரையாதோ கடைசி பொட்டு சோப்பு தேக்க தேக்க உருவாகுதே எரிச்சல் நடு குளியலில எங்க போவேன் சோப்பு தனியா தவிக்கிறேன் பாதியா நினஞ்சு!

குளியல் புலம்பல்

[upputhanni]

கார் திரை அணிகொண்ட வாரணம்,  நெகிழ்வுடன் சதிராடும் காரணம் பின் உள்ள குளிர் நிலவோ, அகம் செல்லும் கதிரவனோ

ஹைதராபாத் மழை

[upputhanni]

Flashhhhh fictions

Everyone watches movies or would have, and there is always this childlike yearn to make a movie or write a story similar to the one you liked or better. Sometimes you wish you could do it just for yourselves and not for someone to see through you. Every individual is a vagabond, only thing that varies is the space in which that is. And one such step in the jaywalk is my attempt at short stories. My mother tongue is Tamil and as is the mandate, my literary tongue is English. My efficacy is not profuse in either and i will write these short stories with Mac’s awesome Dictionary’s help now and then for apt (only my feeling) words.

I am already aware that my readership base is close to nullity, hopefully it gets a finite measure over time :)

[upputhanni]

தவழுதே ஓடுதே மாயமா இருக்குதே

நான்கே பேர் ஒரே ஒரு குழந்தை சிசு உருவமில்லாமல் நிற்க ஒருவர் கொலுசு மாட்ட இன்னொருவர் கண்மை குழந்தை அனைவரையும் யாசிக்க வைக்க பிறகு உலகை மாற்றி எல்லோருக்கும் புன்னகை உயிரோ பெயர் நிலையில்லாமல் அளவில்லாமல் இவ்விடத்தில் வராளி மாண்டாக!!

https://t.co/8wRdO7x333

[upputhanni]

தெனாலி ராமன்

தாதிதூதோதீது தத்தைதீதோதாது தூதிது தொத்தித்த தூததே தாதொத்த துத்திதத்தாதே துதித்துத்தே தொத்தீது தித்தித்ததோ தித்திதி

https://youtu.be/mMiJj9MCktg?t=58m15s

[upputhanni]

முத்தோ பவழமோ தெரியாது ஆனால் சங்கரனின் ஆபரணம் நிச்சயம் மதிப்பிட இயலா அழகு!

[upputhanni]

கற்பனை

கற்பனையே நீ என்ன! மனதினில் தோன்றி அறிவை ஆட்டி வைக்கும் கற்பனையே நீ என்ன!

கற்பனையால் பல அதிசியங்கள் கற்பனையில் பல ரகசியங்கள் கற்பனையால் பல சரித்திரங்கள் கற்பனையில் பல தந்திரங்கள் கொண்ட கற்பனையே நீ என்ன!

நிழலாய் நிஜமாய் கனவாய் பொய்யாய் மையாய் காட்சி தந்து வெற்றியாய் தோல்வியாய் இன்பமாய் துன்பமாய் அருளாய் பொருளாய் உருவெடுத்து உடலில் உயிராய் கல்லில் இறையாய் சொல்லில் இசையாய் அவதரித்து

லோகம் லோகத்தில் அமைந்த யாவும் ப்ரஹ்மமயம் என பெரும் பெயர் கொண்ட கற்பனையே நீ என்ன!

--எழுதியவர் பிடில் வித்தகர் திரு குமரேஷ்

[upputhanni]

பொதுமை (universality)

அகமோ துளி துளியாய் புறமோ திரவமாய் சிந்தித்தால் அணு இயக்கவியல் மட்டும் அல்ல பிரபஞ்சமே இரண்டிலா பிரமம்!