[veguinsky]

“Please accept my feelings”

[teaboot]

my criminal son, caught in the act, entirely without remose

[avioletmoonrise]

every now and then I am reminded to my great chagrin that my mother is funnier than I am

[newtypezaku]

I mean, you probably SHOULD feel a little bad

[cheaphalloweencostume]

“be gay do crime! but sex is yucky and crime is wrong!” ass website

[cheaphalloweencostume]

literally 😭😭😭

[parkchanwoohoo]

OH SHIT my queue is empty when did that happen

[parkchanwoohoo]

Whatever let's not pretend this stupid fucking blog is used for anything except as a diary in a horror video game where you witness the real time unraveling of some shmuck who you probably end up beating my zombie ass to death with a crowbar in the next room and you get to pick up my Loot. I have a Metro card that I'm keeping out of nostalgia, a hair tie, and a keycard to get you into the my office where if you defeat the optional boss of CELEBRITY FINANCIAL CONSULTANT you get $600 and a bag of cocaine

Anyway work continues to be Bad and Not Good, I entered a period of manic grief in which I went for a walk and then when I had blinked I had purchased a number of Hi-Chew packs that I will not be able to finish today without causing myself serious harm and I'm FINE. I'm FINE AND I'M NORMAL

[parkchanwoohoo]

[parkchanwoohoo]

My hilarious joke got 9 reacts in the finance channel which is everybody except the payroll lady who keeps trying to get me to do a quitting pact with her (she has guaranteed employment with her husband's firm I DO NOT) and my boss who hates me. Mood improved

[charl0ttan]

[kymeira]

[jinjeriffic]

Lets hear it for Malicious Compliance

[elkian]

*filming literal mold* “There is a bit of a damp problem…” The signs saying “DON’T BUY THIS” are a beautiful touch.

[silly-signs]

Official silly sign(s)

[charl0ttan]

[kaiasky]

its terrible for any number of reasons, but i think if we invent immortality there should be an extreme sport called civilizational speedrunning where teams of 20 go into the wilderness somewhere and try and be the fastest build the first internal combustion engine. i bet you could get it down to like 3 years tops

[biggestzam]

The real trick is to eat seed heavy food before the speedrun starts so your first poops are halfway to agriculture already

[kaiasky]

i want you on my team holy shit

[quix5gg]

happy pride month especially to them

[beaswellgirl]

yep, pretty much

[spr0utsies]

[earhartsease]

[quix5gg]

happy pride month especially to them

[thebibliosphere]

Why must I be awake.

[thebibliosphere]

#another victim of the woke agenda

@natalieironside what's it like being one of the funniest mother fuckers on the planet?

[natalieironside]

I wish it paid more

[thebibliosphere]

Honestly? Valid.

[tj-crochets]

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember”  And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

[tj-crochets]

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

[tj-crochets]

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!”  So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

[tj-crochets]

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

[tj-crochets]

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

[tj-crochets]

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

[tj-crochets]

Happy pride month!!

[sleepytoycollection]

figure I started with -> figure I ended with

[queenofsquids]

love a good before n after

[maliciousindungeon]

[sleepytoycollection]

Happy Pride Everyone