We're sinking, never die

Uriah Puckerman ♣ 20 ♣ That guy Basically residing in Lima, Ohio after having been away for a little while. Stuck attending the local high school around here, named after [insert random irrelevant US president] here. Town's kinda boring, not gonna lie, but there's still some good safe fun for all the ages. None else about me is important enough to know, or for me to bother shoving into this tiny allotted box. If you're curious about anything though, hit me up. I'll see what I can and can't tell you. Awesome.

[uriahpuckerman]

valerie-smythe:

I don’t know? You’re a boring family man now with a bitchy wife and a kid. Basically only a step away from having an actual boring job like Porter. Shit like that tends to make a person dull and lame. Please, do I look like I’m worried about him? Not like I miss any of you assholes or anything. It’s just that the pot has been pretty shit ever since Jackson started taking care of the plants, that’s all.

What do you think it’s like, shithead? Another year of being forced to deal with mindless sheep and their first world problems. It’s fucking awful.

That doesn’t mean I can’t take a break for a little while and enjoy some good ol’ quality time with my favorite dickheads. Haha, yea, that’s not happening. Mostly because there’s no need for it. I’m not living Porter’s life, I’m living Heathers. And it’s pretty sweet, not gonna lie. Sure your not, and sure you didn’t. That’s why you were the first person to jump on board with hanging out. Yea, I could imagine. The boy is so out of it he can barely take care of himself, let alone keep another living thing alive.

This is why you shoulda did your work on time like the rest of us, now you’re locked up another year with no chance bail time. At least you got the other idiots we left you with to keep you company. They ain’t that bad.

[uriahpuckerman]

valerie-smythe:

If by catching up you mean the holiday tradition of smoking a bowl then I’m down, but I swear to god I will punch you if you’re going to use it as an excuse for your dad stories and dad jokes. But speaking of daddy’s, where is that deadbeat Lynn? Or did you leave his ass in that shithole in Connecticut? 

What the fuck else would it mean, man? Of course not, all things dad will be left at the door of whoever’s place we’ll be chillin’ in. He didn’t come in with me, no. Probably still on his way, or occupying himself with his batshit family or whatever. I’m sure he’ll be down to hang out with us though, no worries there. 

So, Val, tell us, how’s Senior year part 2 treating you? What’s it like to be a super senior? 

[uriahpuckerman]

Officially landed in Lima, Ohio; ready to deck the halls or whatever it is you Christians say around this time of year. Place is still as dreary and boring as the last time I saw it. Which I guess isn’t long ago, but whatever, it definitely needs a little sprucing up. However, I will say I missed this place, and all of you fuckers who are probably back in town for the Holidays. Definitely need to catch up while we’re all in town at the same time. 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

Whatever, you’re not fooling me, Puckerman. Good, then stop bringing up things like that. I want you right now, just you… and I don’t want to talk about other guys either.. Like I said, I’m fine with anything as long as I’m with you. So, wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do…

[uriahpuckerman]

Of course not, I never can. Alright, it’s a conversation for a later day then. For now let’s just work on making you feel better and bringing some kind of a smile to that beautiful face of yours. Okay then, I’ll swing by your place to get you in a little while. And I’ll let you know when I’m at the corner down block from your house. We’ll see where life brings us for the day, okay?

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

So, that means you’re happy that he’s out of the way. I don’t know, maybe.. maybe not.. that’s not something that’s on my mind at the moment. And do what, exactly? Just driving around? Alright, I suppose we could, whatever you want to do. I just don’t want to be alone right now…

[uriahpuckerman]

I wouldn’t call it being happy over it, not upset, sure, but not exactly happy. Which is understandable., Heather, really... No, not just drive around. See what we can get to when we get there. Or if there’s not suitable, we could also escape to our spot in the woods. Spend some time with nature, just not how we usually do. 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

Oh please, of course you’re happy. Just admit it, the fact that you had to share me with him made you totally jealous. I don’t know, I already went shopping but even new Louboutins couldn’t make me feel better. So, I’m open to suggestions.

[uriahpuckerman]

Yea, of course it made me jealous. But just because he’s out of the picture doesn’t mean much. It’s only a matter of time before you find yourself a new golden boy to sport on your arm, right? ... How about I pick you up on my bike and we get out of Lima for the day? Not far, to one of the neighboring towns, we’d be home by sundown. But some place where you and your ex-block head don’t have remnants. 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

It’s not funny, Puckerman. Nothing about this is funny, especially your awful jokes. I know you’re happy about Tommy dumping me but could you please not make it that obvious? That depends on what you’re proposing, and how terribly annoying you’re going to be about it. 

[uriahpuckerman]

Why would I be happy about Tommy breaking up with you? It’s not like I gain much out of it. The only difference now is that you’re publicly single instead of publicly seeing someone else. Try not to make assumptions there, I’m trying to empathize with you... I’m proposing whatever you want to do. Whatever is up to Heather Anderson’s standards and will cheer her up the most ... because, not offence, crying and cuddling in bed probably isn’t gonna do much other than let you dwell on it. 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

…For a little while? You’re just impossible… If this is you trying and being nice then it’s not helping me at all. And what’s that supposed to mean?

Right.

[uriahpuckerman]

Yeesh, Heather, I was joking around. I know you’re in a bad mood but try not to be so serious. Alright, okay, I’ll try harder then... Nothing, just another joke, but you don’t seem to be enjoying those so moving on. Why don’t we do something to get your mind off of it all? How’s that sound? 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

And why do you have to make it sound like that’s such a hard thing to do? Don’t you want me to feel better as well? You’re my boyfriend, my only boyfriend… you’re supposed to want to make me happy. I shouldn’t have to ask.

..Hold me? I’d like to cuddle for a while… receiving some compliments would be nice too.

[uriahpuckerman]

Of course I want you too feel better as well. And to make you happy, which is why I’ve agreed to attempt to be a decent enough human being to you for a little while... wow, I guess I am. Huh, now I get why you were so upset. 

Sure princess, I can do that. Maybe the compliments part too, we’ll see when I get there, okay?

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

Then why can’t you just say it then? Why do you have make me feel worse first? And I have no idea what you mean by that. Tommy broke up with me, for no good reason and I have every right to feel upset about that. We’ve dated for over a year.. he was my first real boyfriend.. I’m sorry if that pisses you off but can’t you turn that off for now and make me feel better?

I don’t know. Not if you’re going to be mean to me.

[uriahpuckerman]

Old habits die hard, I guess. Alright, okay, turning it off and biting tongue. I’m not gonna answer what I meant by that because I’m bring nice for now and you want to feel better. 

I’m not gonna be mean to you, Heather, as promised. Now what do you want me to do? 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

Who cares whether it’s nice or not?? We both know it’s the truth. Yes! Yes, that would be a what you’re supposed to say and do but clearly you don’t give a damn about me. You don’t care that I’m upset because you’re a jerk.

Fine, then don’t. If this is how you treat me then I don’t even want to talk to you.

[uriahpuckerman]

Of course I care that you’re upset, and I’m very sorry that you’re upset... Right... Look, he’s very obviously a jerk for dumping you, could probably consider him an idiot too. But what’s the big deal? Are you upset that he broke up with you, or are you upset that he broke up with you?

Look... if you need someone to come over at all then I’m available. Is that the kind of treatment you want? 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

How would you know who they’re sleeping with?? Those sluts probably can’t even remember that themselves. …Seriously, Uriah? Is that all you have to say?? 

I don’t even know why I’m surprised…. don’t know why I expected any comforting from you…. you’re such a heartless jerk…

[uriahpuckerman]

What a nice way to talk about the people I spend my time with... I’m sorry, Heather, but what would you like me to say right now? I’m sorry your actual boyfriend broke up with you? Should I come wipe your tears for you or something? Don’t tell me you don’t understand how weird that sounds.  

I’m sure it probably sucks, but I don’t really know how to sympathize with someone over something like that. Sorry. I’m around if you need to vent and all, but I’m not gonna act like it’s something devastating. 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

[heather-anderson]

I DON’T KNOW! It makes no sense! Why would anyone want to break up with me?? He gave me some whimpy excuse, the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ kind of crap. I think he’s seeing someone else… One of your gross slutty friends probably seduced my little honeybee. I just can’t believe this is happening…

[uriahpuckerman]

Right, well, while that could be a possibility, I can probably promise you that he’s not seeing any of them. Recheck you crazy cheer friends ... besides, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened Heather. Gotta make due with what you can. 

[heather-anderson]

PM || Huriah

Tommy broke up with me….

[uriahpuckerman]

Yikes, that’s gotta suck, princess. Why’d he do that to you? 

[uriahpuckerman]

Have you considered just stealing a pretty ring for your bae?

You’re not funny. Fuck off out of my inbox. I’m not an idiot.... that would be the stupidest thing to do. 

No. But keeping up with Lopez is starting to seem harder and harder. 

[uriahpuckerman]

Favorite skank?

Easy, Wyatt or Lily. Evans is just precious, honestly, hard not to love that kid. Porter and I have been talking a bit lately too. With honorable mention from Valerie. But that’s probably not a surprise, I’ve thought she was interesting since she showed up around here. 

[heather-anderson]

PM: I don’t understand why you keep asking me that, because he’s not going to find out. As long as neither of us talk about it, then he could’t possibly find out. Don’t you think that I know that you can’t buy me a diamond ring? It’s fine. Yes, it looks great on me, but I’m not bothered by you not giving me one. I’m happy just to be with you and spend time with you. I love you, Uriah..

[uriahpuckerman]

PM: I love you too, princess... Which is why I want you to really start thinking about this set up. Because it’s not fine. And I know as long as neither of us say anything, he won’t find out... but I really want you to start thinking about the consequences that come with being with me... okay?