poems.

[user220720310723]

You know even now

to call me

around four am

just to tell me

you still sometimes

think about me

And every time

i lie to you

and say how you haven't even

crossed my mind

And i lie so well

but all the songs

i wrote are about you

I lie

that i don't need you

I lie

that i don't miss you

i lie to both of us

i lie because i can't admit

even to myself

that a man like you

still stays in my heart

which he broke

you're still there

unfortunately.

[mournfulroses]

Elton Glaser, from a poem titled “And In The Afternoons I Botanized,” featured in Parnassus

[user220720310723]

The letter of love.

My love. How i loved you. How i kissed you all over your face. Youth, crazy mind, full of happiness, full of pain which destroys the soul and kills every drop of hope that our time will come. That you will come. Walk to the door of our house and say you came to stay. That you won't sell me for some girl that you meet at a bar. That you will appreciate me. Let me drink every last drop. I don't regret it. I don't regret how i gave myself to you that july. I gave you my body, soul, thoughts, breathed in the air that you breathed. I know. You're a traveler. And you're in everyone's heart a bit, but in mine a bit too much. Yet, i forgive you. I know you loved me. I know you stopped loving me. But i don't know why you're calling out my name while they take you home drunk? Don't search for me. I won't come, i won't be able to. When they ask me why i'm still alone, i'm silent. They know very well i still have a feeling about you. You know, there are dreams for us, which are far more stronger than our unlucky fates and your haughty spirit. I hear you. Let go. Don't call. Me? I'll be a lady, as always, smiling, alone, waitng for our eyes to again lock at the station of unfortunate love, and you, so beautiful with a wide smile, to come hug me and swirl me swirl me swirl me, and for that swirl to takes us to another universe. No regrets. I love you just the way you are. I'm just begging you, please stay at the same address, so i can easily find you if i want to see you living your dream. Then i see you with your wife and kids, Kaya and Mateo. Do you remember those names? I do.

+honestly i hate naming these "poems", they're more prose but whatever it doesn't really matter

[user220720310723]

no name

Leave me already. I can't look at the stars or listen to music without having you in my mind. You bind yourself to anything like dropping an anchor and don't let my ship leave the port. But you'll never sail my ship, it's simply there for you to show everyone how little you care about it rusting or sinking because it will always be in your port. I'm sinking. All my thoughts are drowning. And the last thought of you is fighting for its life and, unfortunately manages to survive. But you still don't care about the sunken ship full of hopes and dreams wasted because of you. And you're not sorry. You never will be, because you don't care from the moment my ship sailed into your port.

[kiisuuumii]

Kaveh Akbar, from "Everything That Moves Is Alive and a Threat—A Reminder," in Calling a Wolf a Wolf

[user220720310723]

Find yourself

'Get out of your room for once!' i hear my mother's voice while i scroll the 500th video today trying to somehow drown these voices in me. 'Talk to us!' they beg me over and over again, but i don't know how. How do i tell them about my thoughts, without them being disappointed in what their little girl has become. How do i not ruin their mood with my suffocating energy.

I was always the smart kid, usually set as an example for others. By time that part of me has burned out. I don't know how, but i became someone who i don't recognise. Someone who would disgust my younger self. Birthdays went from fun and party to my saddest day of the year. I guess the reason is that it's the day when all the attention is on me, but i feel guilty because of it and can't let myself enjoy it. When i was little i was always excited to blow out the candles, even though the smoke afterwards disgusted me, and drinking cups of orange juice which i would never finish. Now i found comfort in smoking and the bottom of a bottle of hard liquor which blurs my mind and memories. I became everything i feared.

I had a boyfriend in kindergarden, if you could even call it that, and for a few years i only had eyes for him. I don't know how i came to running from one guy to another now. I think it's the lack of attention and love which i so long for that i'm ready to do whatever it takes to get it. But sometimes even a grain of that attention is enough for me to turn a 180 degrees and chase like an abandoned stray. Because my ego and self esteem gets bigger, so i begin to think 'how could someone not want me?' But again, other days i think why would someone even want me. The love i give is either too much and unwanted to the reciever, so i stand in front of their door like a dog with a bird in it's mouth, or it's so little that it's not even noticable that i love at all. I love myself the most, of course. But in those moments when i love so little, i start to feel like the most selfish and disgusting person in the world. Little me was never selfish and would disagree with me, but it is what it is. You learn to live and grow up, change and forgive, and in all of that you will find yourself. True yourself.

[user220720310723]

If we hadn't broken up that day.

If we hadn't broken up that day, we would for sure be making jokes and laughing for no reason, like happy couples do.

If we hadn't broken up that day, you would take me to the altar, buy me a wedding ring and the prettiest bouquet of flowers. Admitting in front of everyone that I'm the most special of all.

If we hadn't broken up that day, we would have one house, one peace and one infinity.

If we hadn't broken up that day, you would look after me like a child, hold me in your lap, stroke my hair and softly sing in my ear until i calm down and realize how loved i really am.

If we hadn't broken up that day, you would never let anyone hurt me, because it would hurt you too, probably more than me.

If we hadn't broken up that day, you would hold a hand of a small being, walking him to school and telling him how he should be nice, honest and different.

If we hadn't broken up that day, you would hurry home from work just to hug me and whisper how much you missed me, even though we've seen each other that morning.

God, if only we hadn't broken up that day, we would never realize how lovely it is to reunite with a person without whom life has no meaning.

[user220720310723]

Like a stray

For how long am i going to chase you like an abandoned stray? Just like one, i look at you confused as you walk away and leave me here tied without any guilt. Don't change your mind again. I'll be okay here. Someone else will find me, bring me home, take good care of me and feed me with love. All their attention will be on me and i won't sleep outside the door anymore. Someone likes strays too.

[user220720310723]

The only part of her body that i envy are her lips, because they kissed you so recklessly.