Keep walking, softgut

Uthgerd the Unbroken rp Account From everybody's favorite rpg, the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim ((Blatently inspired by Lydia-Skyrim, and my deep, deep love for this fictional woman))

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

What is summer like in Skyrim

Warm. Too warm frankly, for all us sheildmaidens. I've seen too many inexperienced fighters turn themselves into a cookpot in all their platemail when the sun draws high mid-Sun's Height...

It can be a pretty sight despite how dreary the snow can be. It's a harsh, cold land all year in the Northern parts of the province, but I do love it as a true Nord should!

I can't lie though, that when the fields of red and blue bloom in the warmer months, fields of them, it stuns me sometimes.

Sometimes, I like to keep a bouquet in a vase on my bedside table in the warm months. Makes my bedroom smell better than constant hay, and leather.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

Have you ever had beef on rice?

Of course I've had beef! It's a hearty good protein found all over Skyrim! I'm partial to venison, but it's hard to beat a good cut of beef, or a nice, hearty stew with all those big chunks of beef in it...

I don't know what you mean about rice though. I think I've heard a few imperial nobles mention it in passing in The Bannered Mare, but none of us knew what they were talking about.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

Have you ever been to Cyrodiil?

Yes. Just got back from a hunting trip out there. That'd be why it took me so long to get back to you.

It's warmer, green, not like Skyrim. I won't lie, it's got an appeal to it. Happy to return to my homeland though. The imperials are a strange people.

In good news, it was a very successful hunt! Got a good size buck, and a few mudcrab! The mudcrab seem to be bigger down there, so I had a veritable feast of legs!

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

PLEASE MOTHER, LET ME HIT PLEASEEEEE

Are you lost? I ain't your mother, milk drinker.

I mean, I'll fight ya if that's what you want, but you better swing hard because I'm not gonna stop if you start crying.

100 gold says I stomp your dick in the dirt.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

Farkas or Vilkas.

Date/fight in a tavern? (this is you we are talking about, it’s pretty synonymous)

Marry?

Kill?

Farkas? Vilkas? You mean those two bulls in the Companions' meadhall?

Bah, I suppose I'd fight them if they weren't such cowards. Farkas seems like a good fighting partner, if he weren't such a blind follower!

Vilkas though... Vilkas is one of the biggest cowards there is. Thinks me too hot-headed and then won't fight me himself! I think he's scared.

As for marrying, why would I go and do a stupid thing like that? Getting tied down to an oaf who won't follow the thrill of battle properly. Nah, those two boys aren't my type.

I wouldn't kill them though. I already said that boy was an accident! I'm no murderer.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

What does Eidar cheese taste like

Tangy, salty, and with a hint of sweat.

Some of the imperials say it tastes like feet, but I think their weak tongues just can't handle the taste!

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

No one asked me yet, but I'm gonna say it. I'm no snowback.

Trans people aren't any different from any other folk, other than they had to fight to be there.

Trust me, I'd know! Why do you think I always tell those cowardly adventurers that I'm more woman than they can handle!

[lydia-skyrim]

If you, Mjoll the Lioness, Aela the Huntress and Uthgerd the unbroken had a girls-only trip where would you go and what would be the itinerary?

Killing, fighting and hunting are off-limits except for self-defense. We gotta make it a little interesting.

So one of my thanes showed me this kind of music they call "power metal" right?

I know the instruments required to play it don't exist in Tamriel, but since we're using our imaginations here, I am taking them to a power metal festival. They'll love it. I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life. The girls yearn for men with long hair screaming about Dragons and evil wizards (that's why we all follow you around anyway)

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

I already hear enough people screaming about dragons in my day to day life.

But anything has to be better than that horrible flute Mikael likes to strangle in the Bannered Mare.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

How do you make a good twice-baked potato?

Simple! This is a recipe my mother taught me in Whiterun.

You'll bake your potato over a fire, I like to use a rack, just enough to soften em up.

When they're done, cut them in half and scoop out the insides, just like a salmon. Only keep the insides, you need those.

I mix mine with a little butter and lavender, it grows wild outside the city walls, if you're looking. Once mixed, put em back in their shells.

Cook them on the fire a bit more, add a little eider cheese, and there you go.

Delicious twice-baked potato.

Next question.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

UwU OwO

Use your words! I don't speak khajiit.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

You think I can't cook? I can cook!

Whaddya want? I'll make it for ya.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

I saw Lydia the other day. Walked past with the Dragonborn. Woman was saddled like a mule. I felt bad for her at first, but she said she swore herself to do it. Sounded stupid to me.

What kind of coward doesn't hold his own fortune? By Nord right, those were gifts! Lydia is the richest shieldmaiden in all of Skyrim!

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

One day someone will finally beat me in a tavern brawl. What a day that'll be.

Maybe she'll be pretty.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

I saw Nazeem when I was out on my walk today. Asked me if I've been to the cloud district.

I'm starting to think it'a a euphemism.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

Companions??????

You mean like an escort?

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

So why'd you kill that kid in a fist fight?

You've been talking to those Companions, haven't you?

How many times do I have to explain it was an accident?! I didn't mean to kill him. Why would I want that? I just lost control...

Those companions should never have put a whelp like him in that mess to begin with. I guess they didn't think a woman was strong enough to hurt him.

...Also some of them smell like wet dog after a fight. I don't trust it.

[uthgerd-the-unbroken]

Why do the forsworn call their clothes armor? It's not armor. It couldn't protect a mammoth from a flea. It certainly doesn't protect them from my greatsword.