Choke Me Darth Daddy

[vadersuggestion]

If Darth Sidious Attempts To Interfere With My Family Once More After Having Brought My Love My Life My Children to Ruin Unending I Shall Rise His Wrinkly Grey Ass Right Into My Lava Front Lawn.

[vadersuggestion]

Suggestion: When In Doubt, Slice It In Half.

[vadersuggestion]

My Sight And Heart Were Broken By Decimated Dreams. I Sent The Whole World Reeling As They With Terror Screamed - Your Misery And Hate Will Kill Us All.

[vadersuggestion]

I Was Prophesied A Savior. Thought To Bring Light To The Broken And The Beaten And The Damned. The Prophecy Was Misread. I Have Been Eaten By My Demons. I Bring Only Darkness To The Non-Believer.

[vadersuggestion]

You Know My Name Not My Story.

[vadersuggestion]

I Can No Longer Taste. I Can Remember The Taste Of Chocolate. The Darkest Of Chocolate Darker Than My Heart. Bittersweet. Melting To My Mouth Like My Lost Beloved. Chocolate In A Fresh Baked Dessert So Hot It Burns. A Pain Like And Yet So Unlike The Sear Of Molten Rock That Stole From Me Taste Both Sweet And Bitter Forever.

[vadersuggestion]

@ My Daughter. Life Is Pain Princess. Anyone Who Tells You Differently Is A Jedi Sympathizer And Will Be Crushed Beneath My Metal Heel. That Said Would You Like Some Ice Cream I Got Your Favourite.

[vadersuggestion]

Dear Diary. Today I Stopped Rebel Espionage. A Rebel Was Attempting To Steal Classified Tea Bags From The Star Destroyer’s Break Room. He Was Disguised As An Imperial. Let Us Just Say That He Will Never Be A Threat To The Glory Of The Empire Again.

[vadersuggestion]

Suggestion: If Your Family Members Do Not Love You, Cut Off Their Limbs Or Choke Them To Death.

[snicket-suggestion]

There are two ways to be “choked out”. In an intimate setting it’s the act of having one’s partner apply light pressure to their throat so as to simulate the feeling of asphyxiation without any actual risk. For Padme, however, it was the feeling of her windpipe being magically crushed by a moody space wizard with a laser sword followed not long by the question of why she married him.

(@padmeamidalasuggestions @vadersuggestion )

[vadersuggestion]

It Is Not A Laser Sword. It Is A Lightsaber. A Noble Weapon Of A More Elegant And Dramatic Time.

No Comment Upon The Rest Of This.

[vadersuggestion]

Suggestion: Point To Emphasize Your Authority.

[vadersuggestion]

Jedi Youth Pastor Voice: Just “Yeet” Your Problems Into The Force.

[lokigodofmischief-suggestions]

Why throw hands when you can throw knives or axes

[vadersuggestion]

Sometimes Throwing Hands Is The Best Parenting Choice.

[lokigodofmischief-suggestions]

Pro tip, don’t throw hands with your kids, they’ll just resent you

[vadersuggestion]

No I Did Not Throw Hands With Him. I Threw His Hand. Out Of A Flying City.

[lokigodofmischief-suggestions]

Why throw hands when you can throw knives or axes

[vadersuggestion]

Sometimes Throwing Hands Is The Best Parenting Choice.

[vadersuggestion]

I No Longer Have The Capacity To Experience Humor As It Along With All Other Positive Emotion Has Been Seared From My Synapses By The Frozen Flames Of The Dark Side. However If I Still Had It I Would Think The Faces On Rebels When I Turn On My Lightsaber In A Dark Hallway Are Hilarious.

[vadersuggestion]

An Employee Has Changed The Title Of My Blog.  I Do Not Know How To Change It Back.  Advice Appreciated. I Cannot Ask The Employee As His Body Is Currently Being Removed By Janitorial Services.

[vadersuggestion]

Came for the memes, stayed for the A+ dark side angst

I Am Familiar With The Concept Of Memes. Once I Spoke Of The Misery And Despair Which Permeate Every Moment Of My Interminable Unremitting Existence To My Son Who Is The Only Light That Shines Into My Life Of Darkness Burning My Unaccustomed Eyes And He Said That Is So Sad R2 Play Despacito.

[vadersuggestion]

Wait No I Am Mixing Him Up With His Sister. He Actually Started Crying And Tried To Wrestle With Me. At Least I Assume That Is Why He Grappled Me With His Arms Around My Lower Torso Which Is The Highest He Can Reach.

[vadersuggestion]

Came for the memes, stayed for the A+ dark side angst

I Am Familiar With The Concept Of Memes. Once I Spoke Of The Misery And Despair Which Permeate Every Moment Of My Interminable Unremitting Existence To My Son Who Is The Only Light That Shines Into My Life Of Darkness Burning My Unaccustomed Eyes And He Said That Is So Sad R2 Play Despacito.