Its real interesting the patterns you can tease out from the different kinds of advice people give you... Secure and privileged people give the worst advice, hands down, and are terrible at consoling someone. People who have been through the shit give amazing, compassionate, genuinely useful advice, and are the kinds of folks who will stop to talk to or hug a stranger on the street who's having a bad day.
For example: reddit, a well known cesspit of libertarian individualism, blind patriotism, and toxic machismo, DOES have some communities for homeless people (r/homeless, r/vagabond, r/vandwellers to name just a few). And these places ARE often extremely useful (I regularly feel like that "philosophers chatting" meme in there bc ppl can be very cool and have very good ideas).
However, it's very very common knowledge among folks in those communities that, you, as a homeless person, should spend as much time as possible 1. Trying not to Look Homeless and to Blend In Like Normal, and that part of this entails (ie never telling anyone), and 2. Never speaking to or making friends with other homeless folks. Stay out of relationships, and don't indulge yourself in anything, not even a candy bar, because that $2 might be the difference between getting back on your feet or not.
Of course, reddit skews heavily AMAB and cishet, so naturally, that accounts for much of the homeless demographic there, too. These are more likely to be cishet, able bodied, white normies, folks taking the 'conventional' path thru homelessness: able to stay in a shelter, get a job, go to AA or church as is often required by these programs, and reintegrate into society as intended. Individuals who are not stuck out here with partners or family, people for whom individualism already rang true. And of course, if you're a normie staying in a homeless shelter, and trying to remain/look normal, all the addicts and mentally ill people will put you off of making friends. You're not one of them.
Even folks in r/urbancarliving tend to avoid one another bc they don't want to break stealth, or become associated with other campers. They often won't even park by other known vanlifers as part of the lengths they go through to avoid detection. These things are passed around as wisdom: don't make friends, don't admit what you are, don't make a fuss. Just keep your head down and do what's expected of you.
Conversely, Tumblr is the queer woke hub of the Internet. Homeless folks from Tumblr are more likely to be like me and my partner: disabled, neurodivergent, queer, non-christian, having multiple identities that bar us from benefitting from, or even receiving, the same kind of help as people with more acceptable identities, ones that are easier to assimilate into society with.
We already have had multiple discussions about social stratification and the function of exclusion that normies never have to have, because they are accepted by default; but for them, homelessness is sometimes their first time being marginalized, their first time experiencing Non-Personhood. We have already had multiple experiences besides homelessness that reinforced our place in the social pecking order, and we already know that is what those experiences exist to do: reinforce normality, and hammer down any nails that stick out.
We already know those experiences and prejudices aren't a rational response to our actions or something we've brought upon ourselves, and all of that primes us to succeed and survive homelessness, too. Because it is crucial to maintain your sanity, knowing and remembering that you did not choose this. Your community and family failed you.
We also know that addiction is the opposite of connection, that people need community and connection and HELP to get out of a hole this deep. We know the value of reaching out a hand to someone who's stuck in the same pit as you, because we've spent so much time in there, we don't see it as a temporary state of being. Like flowers in a gutter, we learn to grow and live around hardship, because for the underprivileged, hardship never ends. It is outsourced to you directly by people who can afford peace.
Normies see peace as the default and homelessness as a brief blip, a mistake, something you do to yourself and then get out of by yourself, specifically to prove your worth and work ethic. It only changes Who You Are if you 'succumb' to it (ie "fail" to reintegrate to society, or die).
Those of us with other marginalized identities know that the status of our Personhood is revoked and reinstated constantly at the whim of people with privilege. That it can and will be revoked again. That no one is ever truly deserving of this misfortune and isolation, that no one would choose it willingly if there were, in fact, a better option. So we also know the value of making friends while you're in the hole.
My partner and I have been homeless for 2 years and we've met dozens of other homeless folks who we loved talking to, who enriched our lives, who we miss and worry for. We've shared meals and food stamps with people we never met again, we've stopped to hang out in the shade and just chat for hours with addicts, we've made friends in the store who we saw standing on the corner half an hour later and tossed a few bucks to, we always greet panhandlers even if we don't have a dollar, and we tell them we hope they stay safe. And it DOES make a positive difference, particularly for us!
What you need to remember about homelessness is that people WILL treat you differently-- people you know and once used to trust, people who used to turn to you for advice or wisdom, people you used to be close with for many years, will suddenly act like they don't know you; they will make assumptions of you not based on your behavior, but on stereotypes; they will forget everything they once knew about you, and substitute in "well meaning" advice that does not apply to you, delivered in the sickly-sweet tone one would use to explain a grounding to a child. (Sorry, but if anyone in your life respected you enough to avoid such a fate, you probably wouldn't have become homeless in the first place.)
After a very short period of time spent homeless, genuine, warm, heartfelt, human interaction becomes much more valuable than money, and much, much harder to come by.
Just a few nights ago we met someone in the checkout at the grocery store. She can't keep her food stamps bc her husband works, but doesn't get paid enough; she refuses to let her kid go hungry, even if she has to walk out with a cart of unpaid groceries, but thankfully, a few moments later, her friend comes back and hurries her on out the door. They're about to move into their car, too, which they're changing the headlights on in the parking lot as we speak. We stop and help them for maybe a half an hour, and just chat. We find out we have SO much in common. After months or even years of well-meaning normies giving us nasty looks, speaking to us like children, dismissing our realities and not even offering a kind word, it feels like a weight off our shoulders to be talking to a random passersby who fucking gets it. Bel always asks for a hug when we make new friends. He's never been turned down.
Today, we drove past a church that gives out free meals daily at noon, and there lounging in the shade with a hat covering his eyes is our friend, Daniel, who we met just two weeks prior when we all stopped under the same overpass for shade, & whom Bel was worried about never seeing again. We had an excellent chat about the state of the world, about what spots in the river are good for bathing, about how Daniel couldn't readjust to housed life last year after getting an apartment, and has been back outside since his birthday in July. We even get to meet the Homeless Outreach Team, a firefighter and social worker who carry no mace or handcuffs, who greet the unhoused by name, and who, in their own words, refer to panhandling and collecting cans as "honest work." We exchange numbers with Daniel when we part ways this time, and make sure he knows what our van looks like.
Two years ago, we stopped in Ann Arbor to buy dinner for ourselves and a hichhiker named Ray, along with his dog. Despite being a bit of a conspiracy theorist, even he was a polite, down-to-earth guy with astute observations about homeless life. He advised us to keep an eye out for the Rainbow Gathering folks, as they can be very helpful and kind to fellow travelers, and that scouting festivals for odd jobs is a good way to get income as well as rides to other places. Despite having very different ways of life, and despite never having chosen homelessness, we all agreed about prefering what we do now to the rat race. "The lows are incredibly low," Ray admits just before we part ways, "but the highs are equally high." And we agree, wholeheartedly.
There's one panhandler in GR who never asks for a dollar, only a smile. He writes a new joke on his sign every day, and smiles and waves at every single passerby, even when they don't acknowledge him. Even the kids in the neighborhood know him by name. He almost certainly gets more money than most other panhandlers. He knows you have to get creative to get a response instead of a reaction. He's likely been out here for a very long time.
Anyway, all that is to say: if you're about to be homeless, and you go to Reddit, or to anyone who's been considered "normal" by default, and you ask them for advice, they'll tell you a lot of the same useless stuff. Pawn everything you own, ask churches for help, dial 211, never talk to other homeless folks, pinch pennies worse than ever, etc.
I've been homeless for my entire adult life with no end in sight, and have done most things from couch hopping to sleeping in a tent in the woods to boondocking and urban car living. If you ask me for advice about becoming newly homeless?
Don't pawn anything irreplaceable if it is at all an option to carry it or store it with someone you trust; money comes and goes, and there are always scrappy and creative ways to get more. The operator on the line for 211 is just an unpaid voliunteer who's using the same search you can find by googling "(your state)'s 2-1-1." If you're tech savvy, you will find more on your own (and with a well-worded Google search) than they will. Churches are rarely helpful, but libraries are a wealth of resources, and are often cooling/heating/charging centers to boot.
Remember that homelessness is a man-made feature of society, not a moral failing on your part. Remember that loneliness and isolation can kill. Yes, avoiding detection in the city is crucial for not getting your camp raided/thrown out, but that does not mean you have to be alone, you are not in this alone. Other homeless people overwhelmingly do not want to hurt you, or anyone; they, like you, just want to live, and get a meal, and rest, and be left alone.
Most homeless have jobs. Many are families with children. If you stop to talk to a few panhandlers and ask them how they got where they are, you will get a few new stories with a lot of common threads. We are usually disabled, sick, in chronic pain. We are often queer or neurodivergent. We are typically estranged from our families.
My partner and I talk often about how much we relate to The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas. Once you have seen the truth, once you have fed the engine with your own blood, it taints the peace, prosperity, and privilege that once sated you.
Perhaps someday we can return to "normal," and staunch the bleeding for ourselves. But now we know that, while we receive care for our wounds, someone else goes without, specifically to reserve our own priority. And not out of necessity.
It varies from city to city, but Detroit, Michigan, in our home state, currently has the worst ratio of empty homes to homeless individuals at a whopping one hundred and ten (110) empty houses for each individual (1) homeless person.
Read that again: for each and every single individual homeless person (including children) on the streets of Detroit, there are, currently, right now, 110 houses sitting empty.
And we have not only moralized this (ie. housed people worked hard for what they have, and they deserve that! so if you lack a home, it's because you didn't work hard enough, and therefore, also deserve your fate)... we have normalized it. We demonize people who are affected by this, isolate and shun them from our communities, while we laud the landlord with praise for all of his hard-earned wealth. This is one of the many things that further widens and reinforces the divide between the haves and have-nots. If you believe this, that the homeless are homeless by either choice or lack of moral fiber, you are contributing to this divide.
Is it truly any wonder why so many homeless folks struggle to reintegrate to society after spending so long gazing up at it's true underbelly? After seeing how easy it is for people you once knew and loved to revoke your humanity (to say nothing of strangers or the government), why would you want to reintegrate with those people? Those same people who wished you ill and turned their back, devalued you, called the cops on you, or worse, said you deserved it while you suffered? And all with the knowledge that no matter your success, it could always be lost again in an instant, due to no fault of your own?
What comfort is there in such a thing? What peace can be repurchased, after seeing the suffering involved in it's making?
In Sand Talk, Tyson Yunkaporta talks about Indingeous Australian ways of thinking, and how the way that so many Indingeous people have survived the apocalypse time and time again is by having a transitional way of life.
This apocalypse is real. On the upside, apocalypses have proven to be survivable in the past, although on the downside it usually means that your culture and society will never be the same again. Oldman Juma says all this has happened over and over again and will continue to happen as the universe breathes in and out. You can live with it, but you need to adapt and change every aspect of your society and culture when transitioning from one era to the next.
This is how we homeless surivive, as well. (Of course, you can't disentangle the concept of homelessness from colonialism or the genocide of Indigenous people. Had my own ancestors not imposed this idea on the people and lanscapes they found here, but rather, been curious about what those people had to teach them, we would be leading very different lives today.)
I think it's undeniable to even the most staunch and privileged among us that America (and perhaps humanity as a whole, given global events & climate change) are currently transitioning into a new era. Livestreaming the downfall of an empire.
In this era of transition, uncertainty and drastic change, if you are feeling afraid, if you are unsure of what to do or who to trust... look to the Indigenous, Black, and homeless folks. Look to the disabled, the mentally ill and neurodivergent. Look to queer and trans folks. Look to the most underprivileged among you, to people who have already been subjugated, and still managed to thrive. And pick up a book about DBT while you're at it, because it teaches you step-by-step how to get back in touch with your values, and how to communicate, set boundaries, and live in alignment with said values.
Now more than ever, it's time to do away with the Myth of Individualism, to learn how to turn to community and lean on one another, to truly being to live by the morals we claim to hold, and to be open to the lessons that ALL people have to teach us, but first and foremost, the ones you've always been the most quick to dismiss and ignore.
