Organisation, we're acquaintances now. Oc x canon blog featuring my main ocs Vague and Raze. Multi-fandom, multi meme, multi men. She/her or they/them, 28, Irish
I'll put under a read more so I don't clutter up the dash
Essentially I've not been as active as I used to be due to severe depression and anxiety.
A list of the shit that's been going on
A job opprotunity that I badly wanted, studied for and begged my manager over and over to let me apply for was given to someone else. I didn't even get a chance to interview for the position. It went to a person who didn't even want it and turned it down and then was given to a brand new person and I was put back in a section that had previously caused me two mental breakdowns due to stress and severe customer abuse. My anxiety spiked. I cried every night. I was told to get over it, to quit, to stop complaining, and I'm stuck in a position where I can't quit because I have to pay my rent and bills and I can't get over it because I'm a human being, not a robot, and I was badly, badly affected by rude customers. One who told her child *in front of me* that the child should go to college so she wouldn't end up like me. And that struck such a nerve within me because I had to drop out of college due to health reasons. There's been ruder and nastier things said to me but that one always stuck with me.
I'm moving out of my apartment that's always had mould, poor ventilation and heating (even typing this now my hands are shaking) into my brother's home that he's renting out to me and even now he's holding it over my head, trying to dictate how I can decorate it (not painting I understand but seriously not being allowed to hang up photos or my paintings? Not having my figurines and plushies out? It's about control and I'm tired of it.)
My dad's health is getting worse. He's recovering from colon cancer and some days he's in good health and then there's days where he's in so much pain, he can't eat, can't even rest, and you see it in his eyes how badly he's suffering and there's nothing anyone can do for him. I'm extremely close with my dad and if I lost him I honestly don't know what I'd do.
I have no friends outside of work or the internet anymore due to a bad falling out with someone I thought was my best friend because she chose her new relationship over everything else. Even when her boyfriend made fun of my teeth (which I hate) and my weight, she said nothing and let him insult me, but got mad at me when I told him he was being rude and ignorant. The loneliness eats away at me. And I've tried reaching out, tried to find groups, but throughout all of Christmas and New Years I was so so exhausted and overstimulated and I closed off more and more. And now I don't know how.
I've had panic attacks, breakdowns and turned on the few online friends I have, and I knew in the moment I was overreacting and being an asshole and I still couldn't stop because I'm just so so fed up of feeling like shit and having everyone repeat the same advice to me over and over and over again. Quit your job, smile more, just be happy, just get over it, let it wash over you, don't react, it all just drove me fucking crazy.
I got anonymous messages from people telling me to stop writing my oc centered stories on glimmer or stop posting art of them because no-one wants that content from me, and that broke me in a way I don't know how to explain. It was like the last, very last, shred of serotonin I had was stripped from me. I just deleted and never responded because I didn't know how to respond. And I'm already very self concious of my ocs, my stories and my art because I always feel they're not good enough, not interesting, not pretty, not well written, and then when one anon asked for me to draw their favourite oc x canon ship, an oc that belongs to another creator shipped with a canon character I already ship with, that fucked me up too. It felt so stupid, I felt stupid, but my heart was so thoroughly crushed because I knew my ocs would never be that well liked by anyone but me. And I get that that's the way it's supposed to be, right? Like no-one will care about your ocs the way you do. You draw, write and create for yourself first and foremost. But I cried for ages after I deleted that message. I felt that there was no point to making anything. Everything was just bleak, hollow and pointless.
I'm waiting to see a doctor and a therapist because at this point in time I can't afford to go see anyone. I haven't felt like myself in a long, long time. I'm hoping with this move I won't be as crushed under the financial strain, or feel miserable in an apartment with no heating and that I'll finally get a new job in the town I'm moving to so I can leave my toxic workplace behind.
But yeah, that's why I've not been as active anywhere. That's why I'm so distant or rude or short with people. I'm really sorry for that. For hurting anyone. I want to get better, it's just gonna take time.
okay i’m gonna say it: fandoms are kinda dying on tumblr, and they’re starving because nobody reblogs anymore.
like… i don’t wanna be that person but be for real?? likes are cute and all but they do nothing for creators. ZERO. NADA. a reblog is literally the oxygen mask keeping this blue hellsite alive. you say you “love” a fic, an edit, a gifset? then BABES… reblog it. boost it. let it breathe.
half the time creators are out here pouring their entire soul, spine, AND three vertebrae into something just for it to get 200 likes and 3 reblogs, two of which are their own. that’s why people stop posting. that’s why fandoms feel empty. content doesn’t magically fall from the sky — it comes from people who feel seen.
and i promise you: reblogging is free. it costs you like 0.2 seconds and suddenly you’re personally responsible for keeping a whole fandom alive. congrats!! so yeah. if you like something? reblog it. scream in the tags. yell. keyboard smash. put sparkles. do whatever. just don’t let creators feel like they’re shouting into a void.
reblogs feed creators. reblogs keep fandoms thriving. reblogs literally save lives (okay maybe not literally but u get it).
support the creators you love !!!!!! or else we’re all gonna be sitting in empty tags like clowns.
Btw, the posts I reblog about fandom engagement and community is not a dunk against the lurkers. If you leave me silent kudos and likes, I see you, I remember your name. You make me smile. I appreciate you.
These posts are more about people in fandom being entitled. They think they deserve fic and fanart and gifsets, but then treat these creators like trash. We are doing this out of love. Fandom is love. Treating artists like they’re your personal fantasy machine, especially when you give nothing in return, is not okay. Stop demanding more and demanding everything be catered to you. Stop treating artists like robots and machines. We’re human beings. Please treat us like it.
So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.
So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.
She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.
He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...
"Oh you have a dick?"
"... yeah."
He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says
"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"
And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.
My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"
I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.
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