Vamplifts

Ned. Since 2012. I am absolutely not a criminal.

[vamplifts-blog]

conceal don't feel, don't let them know

*tower goes off*

BUT NOW THEY KNOW

[teenage-lifter-blog]

Moment of silence for the guy lifters who can’t bring in a purse/bag and have it be socially acceptable.

Society has failed you.

[greenladendieb-deactivated20150]

people are so uppity about shoplifters but i’d like to see how much shit they would talk about us if they’ve ever gone days on end hungry because your family ran out of food stamps for the month, having to choke down the crappy free lunch at school because you knew when you got...

[liftingproblem-deactivated20150]

@god how come I can suck a dick but I still can’t brush my tongue without gagging

[pink-lifter-deactivated20150510]

@god how can I deepthroat a dick but I still gag when the doctor uses the tounge depressor

[aaliyahbreaux]

l feel like Kylie Jenner becoming hyper-sexualized and acting/looking around the age of 25 was literally Tyga Grooming her into someone underaged that he could have sex with and easily manipulate without raising too many eyebrows. The fact that this little girl now has fake lips, wears push up bras, arches her back in every body pic & already has her own house waiting for her when she turns 18 when a year ago she was a completely normal 16 year old in a relationship with Jaden Smith another teenager that she probably wasn’t even sexually active with along with the fact that Tyga initially denied any involvement with her says a lot about his intentions. Tyga isn’t interested in being in a romantic relationship at all that’s why he broke up with Chyna, cause she wasn’t a child he can control and manipulate. 

[pumpkinlift-deactivated20180617]

Wrap bacon around security tags and they won’t go off!

Knock on a random person’s door and tell them one of their family members is dead! While they’re crying inconsolably steal all of their valuables and run!

Organize a flash mob at the Michael Kors outlet and in the confusion grab all the bags you want!!

Am I popular and cool now?! Omg lifting is sooo bad! I have sooo many great tips! Send me anons or I will send them to myself!

[prettygirlslift-deactivated2015]

Aight goodwill anon, *cracks knuckles*, goodwill is a total buffet. They're a shit company that donates hella to anti gay organizations so Ron them blind. It couldn't be easier, just take all the shit u want into the dressing room and conceal. I literally walked out of there with a brand new mini fridge through the side door and nobody gave a shit.

LMFAO THATS AMAZING!

There you go y’all!!

[southernlifter-deactivated20150]

I’ve heard salvation army is bad too? 

[shoplifty-deactivated20160111]

yeah ive heard a ton of stuff about them

[nikki-fingers]

I KNOW salvation army is shit. Little of their money donations actually go where theyre supposed to, and they are VERY homophobic and sexist

[winterlifts]

Also I can’t remember which one(goodwill or salvation), but one them is directly responsible for a trans woman’s death cause they wouldn’t let her stay at the shelter and so she froze to death sleeping outside.

[anarchistthief]

Salvation Army was the one responsible.

[fuckoffdoxxers-deactivated20150]

while we’re on the topic. just plain swallow the items you’re lifting. just fucking devour them to conceal them. flawless plan.

[vandaloutragescandal-blog]

ok. storytime. when i was a kid i would sometimes take little things like jewelry and small toys by putting them in my mouth while my parents weren’t paying attention and just keeping them there until we left the store

anyway one time my mom caught me and was like “what’s in your mouth” and i wanted to say “nothing” but i couldn’t, because there was, in fact, a plastic dinosaur in my mouth. spitting out the dinosaur didn’t seem like an option (i think i was about eight), and i knew if i tried to talk while the dinosaur was in my mouth, it would be removed by force and i would probably have to go in time out when we got home. also, i would not get to keep the dinosaur. 

so, i proceeded to do the only thing i could think to do: i looked straight up at my mom, swallowed the dinosaur, said “nothing”, and then proceeded to choke on the dinosaur and wind up spitting it out anyway. honestly, i don’t even think i got in trouble, my mom was both too amused and too concerned about me to bother with much else after that, we just left. (i did not get to keep the dinosaur, though.)

[schindlers-lift-deactivated2015]

I’m laughing so hard oh my god

[ragemovement]

Black mother allegedly shoplifts and gets shot and killed in front of her two children after an officer opened fire shooting into her vehicle, which the children were in at the time, all on suspicion. Her name was Shelley Frey. The family has spoken out saying “she didn’t deserve to die”. 

Rich white woman steals loads of clothing and ends up with community service and even her employer said they would continue “to value highly her association with Warburg Realty”. Also, she was not shot and killed.

(Source 1) (Source 1-2)

(Source 2)

[blackgirlhood]

#JusticeforShelley #Blackgirlsrock

[vamplifts-blog]

The kinky stuff

Friend: I think I may be into some really kinky stuff.

Me: Really? Like what?

Friend: Like having my ass slapped....but like not too hard. That's so weird, right? God, I'm into weird stuff.

Me: *looks at my nails with increasing interest* .....uhhhhhm

[bunnylift-blog]

Remider

Guys please remember to make sure your lift blog has NO CONNECTION to your personal blog or facebook or whatever. If you have a bio please make sure it doesnt resemble your bio on your personal blog or anywhere else. Be safe i love you cuties

[thatsasteal-deactivated20150509]

idk if tensions are still high rn but i’m laughing my ass off because our district lp supervisor picked me to be an undercover associate to catch shoplifters in random stores since there’s been a spike in shoplifting and i cannot stop laughing lmao

[gaylifter-deactivated20180427]

how do i lift half life three

[lolitalifting-blog]

stuff it in your asshole

[fuckoffdoxxers-deactivated20150]

time travel and then stuff it in your asshole

[lolitalifting-blog]

FALSE. do not time travel, there are fourth dimension LP that WILL tackle

[winterlifts]

I AM THE CLEAN LIFT QUEEN 😈

[elasticitymudflap]

i can never face my family again

[inabasket]

You ever see something so funny you bypass laughing entirely and go straight for crying?

[slimeangel-deactivated20260222]

Favorite

[liftingupastorm-blog-blog]

Yoo are there any lifters in the dfw area?? i want more lifting buddies

[lolitalifting-blog]

me! and pink-lifter and a couple others including glitterlifts surprisingly a lot actually

[vamplifts-blog]

oh my god?

[liftingupastorm-blog-blog]

Haul from today when vamplifts and I went to the mall! (Urban Outfitters and Forever 21)

The first 5 pictures are my haul, and the last one is Ned’s because he is a sad shell of a man

Urban Outfitters

Crystal necklace - 39.90$ Weed card game - 6.00$

Forever 21

Ring - 4.00$ Shoes - 29.90$ Feather necklace - 5.90$

Collective haul - 85.70$

Ned got sused super hard in XXI bc he went in before me. The shoes weren’t tagged, and I would have gotten more but my bag was too small. The shoes broke the zipper as is lmao