I just wish so many things in my life right now, were different.
I am constantly wondering to myself, who am I really? I haven't had a defining moment in life where I know who I am and what I am meant to do. Like yeah, I know i'm meant to become a midwife and a mother (hopefully) but like, I don't know. All I know is that I'm not content with my life right now and I don't know why. Maybe it's because, I don't like the job I'm at, I'm never home with my family, I'm constantly at my boyfriends house, I haven't left my boyfriend yet, I am wanting to get my own apartment but can't afford it, thinking of all the schooling I have to do (6 years), am I even going to get into grad school?, what if I don't pass the NCLEX exam to continue schooling, what if I never get the courage to leave my cheating boyfriend, what lies ahead of me if I do leave him, will I be happier, sadder?, will he find someone that he won't cheat on?, what if I never figure out who I am supposed to be. I think I am in a depressed state of life right now. I just feel like I don't belong anywhere and I don't have a solid group of friends, I want more friends. I want to do cool teenage things and live life, and say that I had a good teenage life. I just don't know right now. All I can do is pray to God for the strength and guidance to be where I am supposed to be. So then, I will hopefully end up where I am supposed to be. 11:29pm 6/13/18