pure-ego. @vanilla-ego - Tumblr Blog

My current state since I came back is: I was happy for one week, felt like no one could handle me like that, went back to depressed, end of the story. My god, it’s so hard to handle those hole over and over again.

I don’t know I don’t know, damn I really don’t know what to do with my life and I feel like the biggest looser. I will never talk to my mother about anything money/career/life choice related anymore.

My 8 year relationship with the person that I thought I’d spend he rest of my life with is kind of falling apart? Also all my friends, like literally everyone I know basically is spending more time with my partner than with me. Even the thought gives me a serious existential crisis. But he just doesn’t seem to care anymore.

little praying station on my rug that I brought from chefchaouen.

Little recap, I actually made it to the desert. Very surreal. Healing. I miss living in my car.

Well, my phone wouldn’t let me post in the tumblr app anymore. I’m back home. My god. Everything was wild and now I’m back and I wonder how I ever did life. Have been working for two days now, the job is ridiculous and very well payed and I am very constipated. Haven’t pooped in two days. But just three more days and I will get around 2000€ for a week of work. I guess whatever they want me to do is fine.

Spent a quiet night in the desert.

I’m getting stressed. I could drive around here for months but I have to get back kinda soon, I mean I kinda have/want to be back in germany in the 25th and I have to go back up to Portugal for two nights at least..

I made it.

#fez

Almost in meknes. Saw three donkeys today and the desert is not far. Almost made it.

Yesterday I got high in the Medina of chefchaouen with mustafa, a 75year old blanked maker. He was really sweet and I bought a Blanket from him and felt like a tourist and got lost in the Medina and then I had to climb up the mountain with three bags and I felt like I was dying. Today I’m leaving for a campsite near meknes.. I’d prefer to stay in meknes but there’s nothing. Can I make it to the desert in 5 days?

Made it to morocco. Almost missed the ferry. Left tangier immediately and drove to tetouan. Took a long walk through the Medina. It’s hot and I don’t really know what to do with myself.

Made it back to Spain. Feel like I gained 5kilos in the past two weeks. I feel bad.

I’m sort of stuck in Portugal with two broken tires but it’s fine. Morocco will happen eventually but I guess there’s a reason why I found out about the tire situation here. I mean I’m glad to be around someone who knows about those old trucks.. it’s all kinda easy and will be fixed in like two days I guess. But all the equipment to basically redo the whole car is here and we’ll pick up yet another v-belt tomorrow. One in the right size so it will finally not be a problem anymore!

And I fixed my front window where water was pouring in like crazy every time it rained! And every piece of rubber on this car got a care day. And I’m refinishing a tiny cabinet and a saxophone case. And I cleaned the windows and collected light bulbs and a big ashtray and one arm Jesus now hangs upside down from my huge mercedes benz star. And I put a hook up on the wall.. I’m basically ready to live in here full time lol.

My god. There’s a Jesus on my Benz star now, it’s upside down and missing one arm. My lover is an alcoholic speed freak who just threw up half a liter of red wine behind a tree cause he thought it was a great breakfast and his stomach didn’t think so. He seems perfectly fine mentally though.

And now after I had hopes to have someone to go to Morocco with, there’s trouble with passports and shit and I have to go alone, not that this would not have been my plan in the first place but the idea to have my crew of dogs and punks around me, really grew on me and I’m kinda disappointed to go alone now.

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