This is a "mental health side blog" but really it's just my online diary ♡
My name is Red
Adult [29]
They/It/Whatever
I have been in and out of therapy, psychiatric hospitals, and other inpatient and outpatient mental health treatments since I was 7 yrs old. I've been diagnosed with several different mental illnesses many times throughout my life...
Anti-psych / I don't care if someone self diagnoses / radically pro bodily autonomy for the mentally ill
I don't use trigger warnings but some content I post about may be triggering: substance abuse (mainly alcoholism), suicidality, homicidality, other violent thoughts + urges, anorexia & disorder eating
I cannot promise that I won't post nsfw content
I may post during psychotic breaks (do not reality check me)!
Don't tell me to take my meds ♡
About my diagnosis/symptoms below ↓
Diagnosis I've been given over the course of my life: ADHD, bipolar 2, cyclothymia, generalized anxiety, PTSD, OCD, major depression, anorexia, major depression w/ psychosis, borderline personality, narcissistic personality, persistent depression w/ psychosis, CUD, AUD, schizoaffective depressive, gender dysphoria (I do believe I had fit the criteria for most of these at the time except for the bipolar 2 and adhd. I believe I had conduct disorder as a child not ADHD!)
Diagnoses I have been diagnosed with and agree I currently have: schizoaffective depressive type, borderline personality, narcissistic personality, AUD, anorexia, gender dysphoria
Diagnosis I have traits of and heavily relate to: antisocial personality, schizoid personality, schizotypal personality, hoarding, obsessive compulsive personality
Other non-dsmv: maladaptive daydreaming, workaholicism, thanatophobia (not current)
Substances I have (ab)used: marijuana/ THC, benzos (specifically, ativan and valium), codiene & alcohol. Currently only use alcohol & have been an alcoholic for 5yrs.
About my personality disorders:
I have been diagnosed with BPD several times in inpatient facilities, however I do not have a fear of abandonment.
I was diagnosed with NPD once. I reject the ideas of covert and overt narcissism. I do not have any self awareness of being low self esteem and cannot relate to NPDs who vocally have low self esteem. Nobody in my life would except I was a narcissist.
I believe I may have ASPD, never been diagnosed but told multiple times I had traits, that I most likely had conduct disorder as a child, and have been called a "sociopath" by medical professionals.... Not that I think I need a diagnosis nor have any desire to seek one out.
How I experience my mood symptoms:
Short-duration hypomanic episodes (2–3 days)
Hypomanic episodes with insufficient symptoms
Depressive episode, with mixed features
Dysthymia with intermittent major depressive episodes
Schizospec:
I met all criteria for schizophrenia. I've had every symptom at some point.
I believe that my schizophrenia is why I heavily relate to both schizoid personality and schizotypal personality. Of course my official diagnosis is schizoaffective due to the mood symptoms.
I experience "internal hallucinations" not just external!
I genuinely feel that I am weird and odd and believe this is part of my schizophrenia.
I am less asocial then I'd like to be.
Dissociation & identity:
I feel I have distinct personalities, but I do not experience amnesia, I do not call them alters, I do not consider myself a system or to have DID.
I experience both derealization and depersonalization
Anxiety:
I no longer fit the criteria for generalized anxiety (yay yippie!)
I do have social anxiety and as a subset have extreme phone anxiety
I'm just telling you if ou're feeling extremely aggressive and edgy just listen to some trap metal preferably under the influence, you will feel better
... And honestly other alternative genres might work too ♡
I'm just telling you if ou're feeling extremely aggressive and edgy just listen to some trap metal preferably under the influence, you will feel better
... And honestly other alternative genres might work too ♡
