@nart-is-a-monster said: Uhhh Hugo and Varian buying a lamp
"I hate it," Varian says.
"I think it hates you too," Hugo says, frowning at the display. "It looks, like... really angry for some reason."
"Why does it have so many corners?" Varian asks, reaching out to poke at one with trepidation, like he expects it to bite him. "Why would anyone make a brutalist lamp? This thing is a lawsuit waiting to happen."
"Does it even have a lightbulb?" Hugo asks, cocking his head to the side like the weird collection of sharp, metallic pieces will start to look more like a lamp from a different angle. "How do you turn it on?"
"I'm scared to find out," Varian admits. "I feel like you have to make a blood sacrifice, and it'll start to glow."
Hugo glances around the room. "I'm scared of all of these lamps. Varian, I've never been scared of furniture. What's wrong with these lamps and why are they so scary?"
"This is 900 dollars," Varian says instead of answering, squinting at the price tag. "Who would pay almost a thousand bucks for a lamp with no lightbulb?"
"We need to get out of these store," Hugo says fervently. "I know Rapunzel recommended it, and I trust her, but–"
Varian backs away slowly, eyes on the lamp like he's afraid it will start moving if he looks away. "But she's artsy as hell and also rich and forgot that we have to save up to afford McDonald's?"
"There's gotta be a thrift store nearby," Hugo says, taking Varian's hand as he starts to ease them towards the exit of the stupidly expensive furniture store Rapunzel recommended. Varian still doesn't look away from the lamp, locked in a staring contest with it. Hugo doesn't blame him. Half of the things for sale look like weapons, and as expensive as everything is, he wouldn't put it past them to come to life. "We can probably find one for like 5 bucks."
"I want to kill it," Varian says, and he's following Hugo but his eyes are still locked on that nightmarish floor lamp. "Hugo, we should see if they do payment plans, I hate that lamp so much–"
"We're not buying a lamp just so you can destroy it," Hugo says, hauling Varian towards the front doors. "We have to eat."
"That thing shouldn't exist," Varian insists. "I could be saving someone. Someone could buy that lamp and then cut their arm off because they walked too close to it. I could be a hero."
"Or you could buy a 5 dollar lamp from a thrift shop and leave rich people to waste all the money they want on their stupid deadly lamps," Hugo says, finally getting them out onto the street. He breathes a sigh of relief as they step outside, free from the insane modern art gallery masquerading as a furniture store that was unlocking homicidal tendencies in his boyfriend. "And still have money left to pay rent this month."
"God, that thing cost more than our rent," Varian says, rubbing at his forehead as he finally seems to break free of whatever lamp-fueled rage he was experiencing a few seconds ago. "What was she thinking? I work for her, she knows how much I make–"
"Thrift store," Hugo repeats, squeezing Varian's hand and starting to tug him towards a more familiar, less terrifyingly wealthy part of town. "Then lunch?"
"If we end up spending more than ten dollars on a lamp, I'm charging Rapunzel for it," Varian says flatly, but he squeezes Hugo's hand back as he follows him down the street.
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